Open Relationship Discussion (Compiled)

[Guest Low]

My bf sex drive is very high while I can have no sex, no wank for weeks with no problem. He loves me so try to tahan. This has caused problems in the past two years. I do not agree to open relationship but is it fair for him?

[Flexibtm]

I hv been seeing this guy for about 4months and se decided to go into relationship. But he wanted to have a open relationship.

What do u guys feel about this suggestion? I really confuse as What he really wants.

[Guest Guest]

Hi guys,

 

Just for discussion. 

 

Reading many of the threads here, it looks like most gay relationships are open relationships. But, when we look at straight relationships in Singapore, they seem to be mostly monogamous.

 

Does that mean

-gay relationships are quite different from straight relationships? 

-gay relationships are meant to be non-monogamous?

 

Confused guy

[snowball]

What to confuse? Most do not mean all, to others may work but that does not apply same to you,

you should asked yourself what type of relationship you are looking, good luck.

[Run]

Think of it this way:Even in a str r/s,it's the guy who's more likely to stray by either fooling around a bit or being completely unfaithful. As guys it's kinda in our nature to spread our seed (pun totally intended) as wide as possible,while for girls it's in their nature to protect and look after the kids once they're born. So given that in gay r/s both parties are guys,it's much more likely that both of them would like to fool around. Plus there're no strong emotional attachments like kids or a legal bond like marriage (not trying to say those are absolute cause there're MANY guy who cheat & fool around even when married with kids...)

 

So there you have it,gay r/s are more 'open' simply because both parties are guys,with no strong stake in the r/s like kids. If str r/s were similar i.e. no kids and no marriage,you'll observe that fooling around is more rampant. But it's less rampant than in gay r/s cause of the girls,who're generally less sexually active and more emotionally and physically attached once they get a partner. To them the thought of their guy sleeping around,even if NSA,is a BIG NO NO.

 

That is not to say I'm in favor of open r/s. Personally and to be brutally honest I believe open r/s are more for young,less mature guys who aren't satisfied with just one dick (or asshole,whichever you prefer) I'm strictly monogamous,and if my future partner tries to suggest even the slightest idea of an open r/s,that'll be the end of the road for us. But I don't know,maybe my thinking is in the minority...

 

Still,to each his own. If both parties are fine with the arrangement then I guess why not? Just that you've got to be EXTREMELY specific about the rules and boundaries of such an arrangement,cause once you go open,the risks (both physical and emotional) become so much higher than if you choose to remain monogamous. Not everyone can handle the insecurities,jealousy,uncertainty and whatever else that could come with an open arrangement.

 

To me open r/s is just too much work. The basis of open r/s is emotianl fidelity,physically being a slut but emotionally still faithful to just one person. But then who's to say that you won't become emotionally attached to the guy who you just had NSA with? Maybe after the hanky panky you guys might start to talk a bit here and there,and that's when the thin line between open r/s and emotional infidelity become very blurred. 

 

To answer your question,every r/s has its own unique dynamics,even among str ones. And no,I don't believe that gay r/s are meant to be non-monogamous. I believe that as we age,maybe beyond our 30s,that's when we would start to realize that all these sleeping around and open r/s bullshit are just not worth the risks they pose to the one we truly love.

[qsefthu78]

When you have been with your partner long enough, you will know that nothing in the world can replace the moments of joy, laughter, tears (and orgasms) and places that both of you have experienced together over the years. And when you are rational and matured enough, you will know that no matter which other guy comes along, no one - absolutely no one can replace your guy. If your guy is easily replaced, then your relationship with him is not stable or even there in the first place.

 

Casual sex outside? Just an activity (think dinner) with someone else. Playing together? Just an activity (think dinner party) with friends.

 

Sexual (safe) activities add spice and excitement to your life and your relationship. You may not swallow this thought, but once you open up your stable and strong relationship to other possibilities, it will get only stronger.

 

But then again, it's not for everyone.

[Guest Guest]

When you have been with your partner long enough, you will know that nothing in the world can replace the moments of joy, laughter, tears (and orgasms) and places that both of you have experienced together over the years. And when you are rational and matured enough, you will know that no matter which other guy comes along, no one - absolutely no one can replace your guy. If your guy is easily replaced, then your relationship with him is not stable or even there in the first place.

 

Casual sex outside? Just an activity (think dinner) with someone else. Playing together? Just an activity (think dinner party) with friends.

 

Sexual (safe) activities add spice and excitement to your life and your relationship. You may not swallow this thought, but once you open up your stable and strong relationship to other possibilities, it will get only stronger.

 

But then again, it's not for everyone.

 

nice. i can relate to whatever you've said. only one who has been thru it will totally understand

[doncoin]

In a previous relationship, I had it open. While I realised the sex part can be fun and I admit I enjoyed it, but in the end, it took a toll on the relationship. So figure out what is important to you. 

[Guest alispenn]

Hi guys,

 

Just for discussion. 

 

Reading many of the threads here, it looks like most gay relationships are open relationships. But, when we look at straight relationships in Singapore, they seem to be mostly monogamous.

 

Does that mean

-gay relationships are quite different from straight relationships? 

-gay relationships are meant to be non-monogamous?

 

Confused guy

At 15:30, a prime meat of the scene offered to enter an opened relationship with me.

At 21:30, a guy in an opened relationship wanted to fuck me.  In the darkness of the steam room, I reached around and felt no condom.  I raised my head and exclaimed "Three feet above us, there is a god or goddess".

A  week later, the guy and I  were having dinner.  I turned my head.  Who else could have that sort of outrageous laughter but that SOB.  And we were in no gay joint but Han Kang Teochew Restaurant.  I lowered my head and exclaimed "P-B-K-N-B-G"

I personally have been warned through divine intervention.

[Guest Guest]

Hi guys,

Just for discussion.

Reading many of the threads here, it looks like most gay relationships are open relationships. But, when we look at straight relationships in Singapore, they seem to be mostly monogamous.

Does that mean

-gay relationships are quite different from straight relationships?

-gay relationships are meant to be non-monogamous?

Confused guy

Dear confused guy

I suggest you consider what an open relationship means. To quote, "An open relationship is an interpersonal relationship in which the parties want to be together but agree to a form of a non-monogamous relationship.[1] This means that they agree that a romantic or intimate relationship with another person is accepted, permitted, or tolerated. Generally, an open relationship is when the parties involved have two or more romantic or sexual relationships occurring at the same time either as a short-term relationship, such as dating, or a long-term relationship, such as marriage". From this definition, what can be inferred about open relationships? Due to its nature, open relationships are generally more visible in society. Visible as in, it receives more attention. Think about it, dear reader, do you see gay couples who are in monogamous relationships fooling around in saunas? Of course not! Ultimately, the point I'm trying to make here is that it only SEEMS like open relationships are the default in the gay community, because, by nature, each party goes out and fools around. Get it? More attention received, per say.

It really depends on where you look, I must say. I mean, c'mon, what do you expect to see in saunas other than people fooling around (open relationships, or, sadly, cheating behind partner's back). I will not sugarcoat things and wil tell you the truth that, yes, a significant proportion of the gay community is in an open relationship. Yet, monogamous relationships in the gay community have existed for a long time. A significant proportion of the gay community is also into monogamy and faithfulness. It's just that they're not so obvious - because they don't need to! Again, compare the nature of monogamous relationships and the nature of open relationships.

As for whether gay relationships are all destined to be open relationships, I ask that you ask yourself what a relationship is. As humans, we all want the same things in love. Same-sex relationships are not too different from heterosexual relationships. They involve the same things, the same pillars (eg. honesty, trust, communication, loyalty, etc.). Many of the things you see being mentioned for hetrosexual relationships, too, apply for us. The languages of love, etc.

Just like how there are players when it comes to hetrosexual relationships, alas, there are many players in the gay scene as well. Again, not too different from straight relationships. Lies, manipulation, betrayal, etc.

You need to be aware and know how to protect yourself. There are good guys and bad guys everywhere. Some are more easily distinguished than others. At the end of the day you need to know how to distinguish and protect yourself. Also, don't do onto others what you don't wish others to do onto you.

I also encourage you to look beyond sterotypes and to not be so quick to judge. See the good in people. Yet, be strong inside and do not be led astray.

All the best.

[Muscleanstr8btm]

Me and my partner is in open relationship because of the distance. For us, to love someone is to make them happy but rules still applied;

1. Play safe is a MUST. Be responsible to your partner.

2. Always give your partner a full information and report about the other guy that you are going to meet. I am discreet and if anything happened, your partner have all the information.

3. 3sum is ok but not regularly. Once a while we do invite another guy for 3sum but he is our regular guy too.

Because a straight relationship/married do have their own rules and they have a guideline for their relationship life but nor LGBT. That is why we need to set up our own rules as a guideline for a better life as a gay.

[p2468]

If you are attached. Will you opt to go for open relationship? Why?

[trumpeter]

Maybe for some the first few years will be mono then sex life boring then go for open ... It a trend now

[Guest Edjumakation]

I'm afraid this will become a dilemma for me in the future. I want to have a boyfriend for the convenience and security that a committed relationship provides. I am also constantly horny, and often getting chatted up by many different guys, so very afraid I will be easily tempted to cheat on my boyfriend (if and when I get someone special). I've got to get control of my desire to fuck lots of different guys, so I can finally get into a serious relationship, and not constantly need to worry about catching Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

[doncoin]

34 minutes ago, Guest Edjumakation said:

I'm afraid this will become a dilemma for me in the future. I want to have a boyfriend for the convenience and security that a committed relationship provides. I am also constantly horny, and often getting chatted up by many different guys, so very afraid I will be easily tempted to cheat on my boyfriend (if and when I get someone special). I've got to get control of my desire to fuck lots of different guys, so I can finally get into a serious relationship, and not constantly need to worry about catching Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

 

You need to find a guy who is your every sexual fantasy, that makes all other guys meh to you. 

[kratos]

Just basing on a few friends who has had embarked on open relationship. It seems like it's a symptom to a deeper issue as everyone of them broken up after a while.

 

For me, no, don't think we will consider it.

[tic-toc]

1 hour ago, Guest Edjumakation said:

I'm afraid this will become a dilemma for me in the future. I want to have a boyfriend for the convenience and security that a committed relationship provides. I am also constantly horny, and often getting chatted up by many different guys, so very afraid I will be easily tempted to cheat on my boyfriend (if and when I get someone special). I've got to get control of my desire to fuck lots of different guys, so I can finally get into a serious relationship, and not constantly need to worry about catching Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

 

Sorry to rain on your parade man, but if you have such thoughts then I think your relationship will not last for long.  Convenience and security should not be the first and most important reason to be in a relationship, otherwise that is just a transaction.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

[auri]

12 hours ago, trumpeter said:

Maybe for some the first few years will be mono then sex life boring then go for open ... It a trend now

I tend to agree. 

It is all but impossible to retain the freshness/excitement after some years.

[p2468]

Thanks for all the reply. 

I am currently interested in a guy who is in relationship with someone. 

As he opt for open relationship, of course he don't mind having fun with me. But I feel very uneasy. I have no words to describe how I feel. Should I just enjoy my time with him and ignore all others consideration?

[Guest Angel_Boy]

13 hours ago, trumpeter said:

Maybe for some the first few years will be mono then sex life boring then go for open ... It a trend now

 

doesnt mean its a trend then it should be something your gonna do too.

[kaze]

In the first place.. if you had meant for your rs to be monogamous, both parties will take measures to avoid temptations ie delete apps, announce their monogamous rs status in forums, stopping potential fun before it progress to sextext.

Sure the sex life gets boring after few years depending on how often the couple have sex.. but when the sex gets boring, the rs itself will either become stronger or weaker. The stronger bond couple will begin mid term & long term planning. The weaker bond couple will eventually break.

So.. I do not agree open rs is the key to maintaining a rs.. I'm a loose top (in that I engage in safe fun with different strangers that I meet) but when I'm attached, I take active steps to remain faithful to my partner. It eventually become open rs cuz he can't remained faithful to me. Months later, we broke up cuz of differing views to our future. Looking back, I shld had stopped the cancerous rs at the point when he cheated cuz that's not how I envisioned our rs to be. This became a lesson for myself.

[Guest Edjumakation]

8 hours ago, tic-toc said:

Sorry to rain on your parade man, but if you have such thoughts then I think your relationship will not last for long.  Convenience and security should not be the first and most important reason to be in a relationship, otherwise that is just a transaction.

 

I know I don't have the mindset to sustain a relationship right now. I want to have a relationship in the future but I'm worried I won't be able to fully change my promiscuous ways. I am aware of my shortcomings, and I want to be a better man, but I don't know if I can. I don't want to have a relationship only for convenience and security, it's just that those factors are important bonuses, but I need to meet a guy who makes me fall totally in love with him so I won't eventually start cheating or asking for an open relationship.

[tomcat]

i think the most mature way to answer is that a relationship 

functions beyond sexual needs & compatibility. 

in fact, most do. why? because it is not always about sex. 

yet many threads dedicated to r/s problems are about sex.

we need to uncover what sex mean to us,

what is an ideal r/s anyway, and is it realistic?

my partner and i are in an open r/s, we are selective with our regulars,

we play together or exclusively, depending.

i have 2 regulars, he has 1. we set some boundaries,

but even then, it is murky territory.

i meet my 2 regulars less often than he does

at one point, some feelings developed between them.

and he became a bit confused.

am i threatened? not really. hurt? a little, definitely.

but even though i cherish him, my self worth

is not defined by whether i am in a relationship or not.

he definitely does not belong to me, and i don't own him.

we are together because we want to be, to grow and move together.

not because we are seeking ownership or to being owned.

 

the only way to navigate is to talk about things as and when they arise.

this is the test of two people who love each other. 

riding through the bad times and good times together.
it takes 2 willing parties to make a r/s work, period.

 

because we compliment each other in other ways

(in my opinion, ways more important  than sex),

it makes us good life partners. 

the thing that we both agree on for sure is that

we will definitely not be able to pull guys at 70yo,

so why inhibit ourselves?

 

makan all we want now while we  have our looks and desire to do so.
but always with respect and with safety in consideration at all times. 

both to ourselves and our buddies.

this is the arrangement that works for us, it might not for some. 

point is, there is a lid for every pot.

 

 

 

Edited January 8, 2018 by tomcat

[p2468]

37 minutes ago, tomcat said:

i think the most mature way to answer is that a relationship 

functions beyond sexual needs & compatibility. 

in fact, most do. why? because it is not always about sex. 

yet many threads dedicated to r/s problems are about sex.

we need to uncover what sex mean to us,

what is an ideal r/s anyway, and is it realistic?

my partner and i are in an open r/s, we are selective with our regulars,

we play together or exclusively, depending.

i have 2 regulars, he has 1. we set some boundaries,

but even then, it is murky territory.

i meet my 2 regulars less often than he does

at one point, some feelings developed between them.

and he became a bit confused.

am i threatened? not really. hurt? a little, definitely.

but even though i cherish him, my self worth

is not defined by whether i am in a relationship or not.

he definitely does not belong to me, and i don't own him.

we are together because we want to be, to grow and move together.

not because we are seeking ownership or being owned.

 

the only way to navigate is to talk about things as and when they arise.

this is the test of two people who love each other. 

riding through the bad times and good times together.
it takes 2 willing parties to make a r/s work, period.

 

because we compliment each other in other ways

(in my opinion, ways more important  than sex),

it makes us good life partners. 

the thing that we both agree on for sure is that

we will definitely not be able to pull guys at 70yo,

so why inhibit ourselves?

 

makan all we want now while we  have our looks and desire to do so.
but always with respect and with safety in consideration at all times. 

both to ourselves and our buddies.

this is the arrangement that works for us, it might not for some. 

point is, there is a lid for every pot

 

I think I more or less understand. He will still keeps his rs with his current one while just having fun with me. So to me, I should not take it too serious as well, even though I like him. 

Edited January 8, 2018 by p2468

[trumpeter]

32 minutes ago, p2468 said:

 

I think I more or less understand. He will still keeps his rs with his current one while just having fun with me. So to me, I should not take it too serious as well, even though I like him. 

 

U r just a fb ... Do wat fb role which is to have his body n not his heart ... I think fb come n go 

 

Yes agreed with tomcat that r/s is beyoend sex ... Sex maybe contribute 10% of a r/s

[Eujiboo]

14 hours ago, Guest Edjumakation said:

I'm afraid this will become a dilemma for me in the future. I want to have a boyfriend for the convenience and security that a committed relationship provides. I am also constantly horny, and often getting chatted up by many different guys, so very afraid I will be easily tempted to cheat on my boyfriend (if and when I get someone special). I've got to get control of my desire to fuck lots of different guys, so I can finally get into a serious relationship, and not constantly need to worry about catching Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

I have friends who are very sexual and very horny when they're single, and become really committed to their partners after getting attached. If you think that you only want a relationship for the status or the security then it won't last very long. You either find someone whose also into an open relationship or you stay single and just be content with dates and fun.

 

18 hours ago, trumpeter said:

Maybe for some the first few years will be mono then sex life boring then go for open ... It a trend now

I've never thought that it was a trend. To each their own, do your own thang. I know mono couples and I know open couples. It doesn't work for everyone.

 

5 hours ago, p2468 said:

Thanks for all the reply. 

I am currently interested in a guy who is in relationship with someone. 

As he opt for open relationship, of course he don't mind having fun with me. But I feel very uneasy. I have no words to describe how I feel. Should I just enjoy my time with him and ignore all others consideration?

Ask yourself if you are happy with just the sex because that's all he's giving to you. If you like him and you expect more, you're gonna be disappointed. If you feel uneasy then move on. You can still be friends.

 

I don't believe that a relationship requires sex to be maintained, or do they get weaker over time or that sex gets boring. If you're truly in love with your partner, you won't even think about the sex, it's a bonus. You will feel joy just having them by your side, even if it's just to talk or cuddle, you'll feel much, much happier than sex. If you centre your relationship around sex, it may not last. 

[p2468]

25 minutes ago, Eujiboo said:

Ask yourself if you are happy with just the sex because that's all he's giving to you. If you like him and you expect more, you're gonna be disappointed. If you feel uneasy then move on. You can still be friends.

 

I don't believe that a relationship requires sex to be maintained, or do they get weaker over time or that sex gets boring. If you're truly in love with your partner, you won't even think about the sex, it's a bonus. You will feel joy just having them by your side, even if it's just to talk or cuddle, you'll feel much, much happier than sex. If you centre your relationship around sex, it may not last. 

I think that is what he has in his mind too. We will just be friends in order to avoid any disappointment.

[Eujiboo]

4 minutes ago, p2468 said:

I think that is what he has in his mind too. We will just be friends in order to avoid any disappointment.

Yup that'll be a better call. Your feelings for him won't be reprocicated anyway -- not in the way you want.

[tomcat]

3 hours ago, p2468 said:

 

I think I more or less understand. He will still keeps his rs with his current one while just having fun with me. So to me, I should not take it too serious as well, even though I like him. 

good decision, if you can enjoy each other physically,

without getting involved emotionally, it will be the best.

as long as he is truthful about this arrangement with his own partner,

it should not pose a problem.

personally, i have big issues if i am aiding in someone cheating behind their partner's back.
i prefer guilt-free fun, not skanking around forever afraid of being caught.
so no matter how hot he is, if i smell a rat, it is a no go for me. 

an honourable man is a sexy man to me.

strong with principles and who knows what he wants

and how to manage his desires.

a person lost to lust, and lying behind people's back

is a major turn off for me. and that is the sign of a coward.

 

this is the requirement of being an adult, gentleman, and an overall decent human being.

there is nothing wrong in enjoying the physicality and excitement of sex.

this is what we are here for: to have a human experience. and sex is part of that.

 

BUT

we should never hurt others, our pleasure must not come at the pain of someone else.
because if anything the universe always deals back to you what you give out.

karma always keeps score.

 

[yoo_ris]

5 hours ago, p2468 said:

Thanks for all the reply. 

I am currently interested in a guy who is in relationship with someone. 

As he opt for open relationship, of course he don't mind having fun with me. But I feel very uneasy. I have no words to describe how I feel. Should I just enjoy my time with him and ignore all others consideration?

 

LOL I have been in the exact situation before and this is one of the lessons that hit me really hard.

 

Just enjoy, darling! Guys are dime a dozen.

 

I regret all the guilt that I had that let me not have fun with all the gorgeous guys I could have had fun with.

 

We have sex, but he goes home to his boyfriend while I writhe in emotional pain thinking I should be the one lying on the bed with him while dicks are knocking at my doorstep and I'm too guilty to entertain them. 

 

And do learn from him. Find a man who will not treat you like the way he treats his current boyfriend.

Edited January 8, 2018 by yoo_ris

[qsefthu78]

Each relationship is unique, really. Follow what it works, and mutually agreed. My partner and I talked about it right from day 1, and both of us agreed not to let this be an issue in the relationship so we are free to play, be it together or individually. There's a lot of trust and openness. And the thing is that if problems are to surface between us, it's mostly not about this but on other very trivial matters (like petty couple tantrums). In these eight years, there are many things, events and milestones that define our relationship and sex, really, is secondary.

[trumpeter]

Seem like open relationship couple having more fun than single guys

 

Well as the saying goes good guys always are attached

[barocco80]

Seems like folks who are in open rs likes to share how open/mature/adult they are and how they're able to separate love and sex... they are the minority. 

Fact is most of us can't NOT because we're not mature but rather we believe we're the best for each other... When you numbed your brain allowing sex with others without love, you numbed love.

[Kenjikenji]

I guess it is hard for anyone of us to judge. I guess both parities must sit down and discussed about it . Human beings are complex. We decide what we want to do and of course must think of consequences . All the best to all . 

[kratos]

It's strange, a few poster who are now in open relationship talked about how sex is secondary in a relationship, a relationship is more than sex. But yet sex with strangers is too important to give up while in relationship. So is sex important to you guys or not?

[tomcat]

 

sex can mean love, but love is not defined entirely by sex.

 

 

 

 

Edited January 9, 2018 by tomcat

[kratos]

It's pretty tricky, for example, if you say love is more than sex. Let say you encounter someone who is perfect for you, sex shouldn't matter right? so if that person desire a monogamous relationship, you should be more than happy to entertain that because love is more than sex. And yet you would probably reject him because you want an open relationship and hence love is not more than sex, because for you, love needs to make room for your desire to have sex with strangers.

[Eujiboo]

2 hours ago, trumpeter said:

Seem like open relationship couple having more fun than single guys

 

Well as the saying goes good guys always are attached

There are guys that really don't care if you're single or attached, and will still try to hit on you/ask for fun knowing that you have a partner. Even if they aren't in open relationships, I've seen guys beg for fun with the attached guy and to hide it from their partner. Of course, that's where things start changing.

 

2 hours ago, barocco80 said:

Seems like folks who are in open rs likes to share how open/mature/adult they are and how they're able to separate love and sex... they are the minority. 

Fact is most of us can't NOT because we're not mature but rather we believe we're the best for each other... When you numbed your brain allowing sex with others without love, you numbed love.

I don't actually know a lot of couples in open relationships that boast about their maturity. That seems kinda.. weird. It works, but it doesn't work for everyone.

 

21 minutes ago, kratos said:

It's pretty tricky, for example, if you say love is more than sex. Let say you encounter someone who is perfect for you, sex shouldn't matter right? so if that person desire a monogamous relationship, you should be more than happy to entertain that because love is more than sex. And yet you would probably reject him because you want an open relationship and hence love is not more than sex, because for you, love needs to make room for your desire to have sex with strangers.

I think it really depends on how this person sees love, and what he considers love. Some people rely heavily on being physical as a form of love, yet some are plenty happy with little to no sex in their relationships. I believe it really boils down to what you truly want at that point in your life. Everyone's feelings do change as they get older, so maybe if they feel like sex is an important factor in a relationship, and/or they feel like they can differenciate sex with strangers and sex with a committed partner, then they're gonna have to find someone with the similar mindset.

[kratos]

11 minutes ago, Eujiboo said:

 

I think it really depends on how this person sees love, and what he considers love. Some people rely heavily on being physical as a form of love, yet some are plenty happy with little to no sex in their relationships. I believe it really boils down to what you truly want at that point in your life. Everyone's feelings do change as they get older, so maybe if they feel like sex is an important factor in a relationship, and/or they feel like they can differenciate sex with strangers and sex with a committed partner, then they're gonna have to find someone with the similar mindset.

 

I got no issue with open relationship, we all have our own priorities and needs. I think people in open relationship just need to recognise that to them sex is an integral part of a relationship and that they can't survive on just one sexual partners. In contrast to how some posters here romanticised their idea of love, giving other dating members the wrong idea that open relationship is better.

 

And on the other hand, also people who are currently in monogamous relationship, decided to use open relationship as a last resort to salvage what's left. It usually just make things worse.

Edited January 8, 2018 by kratos

[p2468]

After reading all the feedbacks, I now understand love without sex do exist in some. According to the guy I like, the couple just want a companion cos his rs contains min.sex due to different preference. So they rather have open rs to satisfy their needs. So I shall just be contented with him physically at the same time control my feelings. 

[LeanMature]

On 08/01/2018 at 9:47 AM, p2468 said:

Thanks for all the reply. 

I am currently interested in a guy who is in relationship with someone. 

As he opt for open relationship, of course he don't mind having fun with me. But I feel very uneasy. I have no words to describe how I feel. Should I just enjoy my time with him and ignore all others consideration?

 

Open relationship with that someone or open relationship with you?

[trumpeter]

2 hours ago, LeanMature said:

 

Open relationship with that someone or open relationship with you?

Think TS mean having fun with tat guy who is in an open r/s with soneone only

[trumpeter]

From the above thread ... If in open r/s n play together ... Will one of the couple be jealous if the other half is fucking or get fuck by someone other than himself? 

 

I would feel weird if I m the third party involve with couple playing together

Edited January 9, 2018 by trumpeter

[Dorkable]

1 hour ago, trumpeter said:

From the above thread ... If in open r/s n play together ... Will one of the couple be jealous if the other half is fucking or get fuck by someone other than himself? 

 

I would feel weird if I m the third party involve with couple playing together

 

I guess if it's a mutual agreement between the couple to start an open relationship, one should be turned on seeing his other half in hot action.

 

Just my two cents.

Edited January 9, 2018 by Dorkable

[LeanMature]

1 hour ago, trumpeter said:

From the above thread ... If in open r/s n play together ... Will one of the couple be jealous if the other half is fucking or get fuck by someone other than himself? 

 

I would feel weird if I m the third party involve with couple playing together

 

If the couple in open relationship are both tops, then the third party must be bottom and play a very important role.  

[trumpeter]

47 minutes ago, LeanMature said:

 

If the couple in open relationship are both tops, then the third party must be bottom and play a very important role.  

Of course it does ... Wat about normal couple - one top n one btm - have to find a flex? 

[Rice60640]

On 1/8/2018 at 12:54 AM, doncoin said:

 

You need to find a guy who is your every sexual fantasy, that makes all other guys meh to you. 

There is no such person. Fit all your sexua fantasy?  Simulate you Intellectually?  We all grow as part of getting older and we don’t always grow in the same direction or at the same speed. Better to be realistic. That’s the reality of it. Better to be in an open relationship than a cheating relationship. 

[Rice60640]

On 1/8/2018 at 11:45 AM, tomcat said:

i think the most mature way to answer is that a relationship 

functions beyond sexual needs & compatibility. 

in fact, most do. why? because it is not always about sex. 

yet many threads dedicated to r/s problems are about sex.

we need to uncover what sex mean to us,

what is an ideal r/s anyway, and is it realistic?

my partner and i are in an open r/s, we are selective with our regulars,

we play together or exclusively, depending.

i have 2 regulars, he has 1. we set some boundaries,

but even then, it is murky territory.

i meet my 2 regulars less often than he does

at one point, some feelings developed between them.

and he became a bit confused.

am i threatened? not really. hurt? a little, definitely.

but even though i cherish him, my self worth

is not defined by whether i am in a relationship or not.

he definitely does not belong to me, and i don't own him.

we are together because we want to be, to grow and move together.

not because we are seeking ownership or to being owned.

 

the only way to navigate is to talk about things as and when they arise.

this is the test of two people who love each other. 

riding through the bad times and good times together.
it takes 2 willing parties to make a r/s work, period.

 

because we compliment each other in other ways

(in my opinion, ways more important  than sex),

it makes us good life partners. 

the thing that we both agree on for sure is that

we will definitely not be able to pull guys at 70yo,

so why inhibit ourselves?

 

makan all we want now while we  have our looks and desire to do so.
but always with respect and with safety in consideration at all times. 

both to ourselves and our buddies.

this is the arrangement that works for us, it might not for some. 

point is, there is a lid for every pot.

 

 

 

Most thought out answer I’ve read so far. Well-said 

[Rice60640]

On 1/8/2018 at 12:22 PM, p2468 said:

 

I think I more or less understand. He will still keeps his rs with his current one while just having fun with me. So to me, I should not take it too serious as well, even though I like him. 

Don’t be in it thinking he will break up with his partner to be with you. If he does that, chances are he will break up with you when the next one come along. 

[Eujiboo]

6 hours ago, trumpeter said:

From the above thread ... If in open r/s n play together ... Will one of the couple be jealous if the other half is fucking or get fuck by someone other than himself? 

 

I would feel weird if I m the third party involve with couple playing together

That's the whole idea of an open relationship. You'd have to be on a mutual agreement that you allow your partner to go out and have fun with strangers because you feel like you cannot satisfy his sexual needs.

3 hours ago, trumpeter said:

Of course it does ... Wat about normal couple - one top n one btm - have to find a flex? 

There are also couples that both agree to find a third person//threesome then maybe the role is something they'd consider.