A Parent Asking Columnist Amy Dickinson For Help On His Gay Son

[GachiMuchi]

Thanks Micah for the following piece of cutout from the Facebook.

 

Edited November 22, 2013 by GachiMuchi

[Cube3]

Yes, this would come in handy! Thank you

[azimuth]

I love this reply. Many of us love throwing our problems at others, not knowing how we would react if others throw the problem back at us. :-)

[Jekyll@hyde]

Keep up the good work Miss Amy Dickinson! 

 

Busy Schedule ? Forgetting his birthday for 3 years?  *face-palm*

[hggave]

This shows how pressure from society could make a mother become quite selfish in a way.

She is more worried about herself that people she know would make fun of her knowing she has a gay son.

[Dorkable]

Awesome reply from Amy

[Guest shoveitloveit]

Amy dickinson, put the dick in mum, alright!

[Guest Guest]

Amy dickinson, put the dick in mum, alright!

 

You're crazy.

[Magicerife]

i think we're all applauding the response because we're seeing it from the position of the son since we're in the same boat. try putting yourselves in the shoes of the mama reading this response and think what possible consequences there might be? will it make the mama more anti homosexual? will it make the mama more upset and worsen the tension? all she wanted was help / second opinion, support of whatever kind for the current plight she didnt sign up for. yet she was just thrown into a deeper abyss and made to ponder abt her fault. 

 

in most coming out cases, we often empathize the gay son or daughter but how many of us actually did show equal empathy to the parents who've had other expectations of their children? how often is it not the case where we tell these parents they should accept blah blah blah for the happiness of their kids and in turn, ignored what might make them happy? i dont think it's a clear cut case and as easily rectified by what the columnist as suggested.

[azimuth]

Haha. Thank you for pointing that out. There are always two sides to any story. The debate is never ending unfortunately. 

 

It just so happens that most people on this forum prefer to stand on the same side. Post this story on another forum and the results will be different maybe.

[Guest stockholmsyndrome]

Didnt celeb his bday for 3 years, worried abt what church might think of them, or more imptly her.

Yep, we really shd see more from her view.

[Magicerife]

"I feel he is doing this to get back at me..."

"What would people think"

Many reasons. All with a sole purpose of denial. If you don't see how she reasons you'll never be able to come up with something convincing enough to prove her otherwise. Simple logic deployed in marketing, interrogating to scamming. Know thy enemy is mentioned in sun tze's art of war.

Simply brushing her away wouldn't help matter. I would think this as an example of poor journalism. A breach of her professionalism as a columnist. She's supposed to give advices to people confronted with a problem yet she throws it back at the person saying what they deem as a problem isn't a problem and the real problem lies with them.

If this isn't a troll and the mother has suicidal tendency, ho seh loh. The columnist will have moral obligations to bear.

[Angelix]

i think we're all applauding the response because we're seeing it from the position of the son since we're in the same boat. try putting yourselves in the shoes of the mama reading this response and think what possible consequences there might be? will it make the mama more anti homosexual? will it make the mama more upset and worsen the tension? all she wanted was help / second opinion, support of whatever kind for the current plight she didnt sign up for. yet she was just thrown into a deeper abyss and made to ponder abt her fault. 

 

in most coming out cases, we often empathize the gay son or daughter but how many of us actually did show equal empathy to the parents who've had other expectations of their children? how often is it not the case where we tell these parents they should accept blah blah blah for the happiness of their kids and in turn, ignored what might make them happy? i dont think it's a clear cut case and as easily rectified by what the columnist as suggested.

 

So, would you become "straight" and get married just because you want to make your parents happy? Since they expect you to have kids so would you meet up their expectation?

 

Imagine how would you feel if your own parents would rather worried about the perception of the society towards themselves than accept your own sexual identity. 

[deras]

i think we're all applauding the response because we're seeing it from the position of the son since we're in the same boat. try putting yourselves in the shoes of the mama reading this response and think what possible consequences there might be? will it make the mama more anti homosexual? will it make the mama more upset and worsen the tension? all she wanted was help / second opinion, support of whatever kind for the current plight she didnt sign up for. yet she was just thrown into a deeper abyss and made to ponder abt her fault. 

 

in most coming out cases, we often empathize the gay son or daughter but how many of us actually did show equal empathy to the parents who've had other expectations of their children? how often is it not the case where we tell these parents they should accept blah blah blah for the happiness of their kids and in turn, ignored what might make them happy? i dont think it's a clear cut case and as easily rectified by what the columnist as suggested.

I agree with you whole-heartedly.Please go ahead and tell your parents:"Mom,dad,I've wronged you,being gay is a way to get back at you for being horrible parents,please send me to Russia so I can die a horrible death"

Edited November 23, 2013 by deras

[HotIce]

"I feel he is doing this to get back at me..."

"What would people think"

Many reasons. All with a sole purpose of denial. If you don't see how she reasons you'll never be able to come up with something convincing enough to prove her otherwise. Simple logic deployed in marketing, interrogating to scamming. Know thy enemy is mentioned in sun tze's art of war.

Simply brushing her away wouldn't help matter. I would think this as an example of poor journalism. A breach of her professionalism as a columnist. She's supposed to give advices to people confronted with a problem yet she throws it back at the person saying what they deem as a problem isn't a problem and the real problem lies with them.

If this isn't a troll and the mother has suicidal tendency, ho seh loh. The columnist will have moral obligations to bear.

So how will you choose to reply? It's easy to criticize and give comments but what exactly will you say?

I don't see anything wrong with Amy's professional reply and in this case, she chose a very appropriate response in order for the mum to be able to know exactly how her son feels (that being homosexual is not choice and if she do not think so, to try being not heterosexual for the next year). Amy is definitely not brushing the mum away. On the contrary in fact, she is drawing her to the crux of the issue as her mum thinks that homosexuality is a choice.

How best to convince her other than putting her into a similar situation and see how she could cope? Sometimes the best advice is simply to throw it back at the person in a different light so that the recipient can think it through deeply and obtain the 'aha!' Insight that occurs through self reflection.

Amy could have written some standard advice which could be found all over the Internet but what help would that be?

Edited November 23, 2013 by HotIce

[shyc]

We always stand on the side we choose to believe in. Likewise for everyone else of any sexuality, religious believes or social groups. There is really no clear cut indication to say who is right or who is wrong. Most importantly is which ever cause of action should have minimum bad impact on all affected parties. Come on, who in the right mind would want to see something bad befall on others? Even if it was the enemy, we don't really want to see him dead.

[sliceboy]

Amy advised the mother to meet up with PFLAG, an organization for "parents, families, friends and allies of LGBT people, and has helped countless families through this challenge."

 

Look up PFLAG.org

 

 

"I feel he is doing this to get back at me..."

"What would people think"

Many reasons. All with a sole purpose of denial. If you don't see how she reasons you'll never be able to come up with something convincing enough to prove her otherwise. Simple logic deployed in marketing, interrogating to scamming. Know thy enemy is mentioned in sun tze's art of war.

Simply brushing her away wouldn't help matter. I would think this as an example of poor journalism. A breach of her professionalism as a columnist. She's supposed to give advices to people confronted with a problem yet she throws it back at the person saying what they deem as a problem isn't a problem and the real problem lies with them.

If this isn't a troll and the mother has suicidal tendency, ho seh loh. The columnist will have moral obligations to bear.

[Guest Guest]

Amy advised the mother to meet up with PFLAG, an organization for "parents, families, friends and allies of LGBT people, and has helped countless families through this challenge."

 

Look up PFLAG.org

 

I find it interesting that some people took the letter as coming from the mother. Gachi posts this as coming from the father. Looking at the letter itself, there is no indication as to which parent it came from. As Azimuth indicated, different people will view the same thing differently - a lot depends on where we are coming from. Just an observation.

[NielKlient]

Oh wow. Wasn't expecting a reply like that. 

Straight in her face reply from Amy Dickinson.    :clap:    :clap:

[Magicerife]

So, would you become "straight" and get married just because you want to make your parents happy? Since they expect you to have kids so would you meet up their expectation?

 

Imagine how would you feel if your own parents would rather worried about the perception of the society towards themselves than accept your own sexual identity. 

Moot. as i said, it wasnt a clear cut case of who's right or wrong. while you can call the mother self centered in this case, so can the converse be true. we're siding with the gay son here while there will be plenty of parents out there who can concur with the person who wrote in.

 

wasnt even arguing on the premise that any party ought to give in to please the other. all i meant to say, as i have emphasize many times, is that we're being myopic by taking on a perspective from one angle, and a very bias one to begin with. we go hurray with someone who sides with the gay stance; reverse the situation and see how you would feel when someone sings the anti homosexual stance in your face instead?

 

I agree with you whole-heartedly.Please go ahead and tell your parents:"Mom,dad,I've wronged you,being gay is a way to get back at you for being horrible parents,please send me to Russia so I can die a horrible death"

plain bitchy retort. no where was i preaching anything you insinuated; as i said it was a thorny issue that isnt rectified as easily.

 

So how will you choose to reply? It's easy to criticize and give comments but what exactly will you say?

I don't see anything wrong with Amy's professional reply and in this case, she chose a very appropriate response in order for the mum to be able to know exactly how her son feels (that being homosexual is not choice and if she do not think so, to try being not heterosexual for the next year). Amy is definitely not brushing the mum away. On the contrary in fact, she is drawing her to the crux of the issue as her mum thinks that homosexuality is a choice.

How best to convince her other than putting her into a similar situation and see how she could cope? Sometimes the best advice is simply to throw it back at the person in a different light so that the recipient can think it through deeply and obtain the 'aha!' Insight that occurs through self reflection.

Amy could have written some standard advice which could be found all over the Internet but what help would that be?

i dont concur with the tone, just the tone, which the reply was structured with. it was patronising in my opinion. your point about getting oneself to reflect and deriving their own answer is valid; but it would have been more appropriate at the other stages of grief. while someone is in denial still, further agitation would shut doors of interventions no?