Is Anal / Oral Sex A Must? Is Sex Important In A R/ship? + R/ship Without Sex Possible? (compiled)

[souljaboy]

I too am also the few rare ones that dont do anal sex. I dislike oral sex also as i dont want anything dirty like shit or urine inside my mouth. As for foreplay i do love to do some of it. To me love does not equals to sex and i do not need sex. All I wish in a relationship is that the man i love would care for me, hug me and cuddle me is more than enough. I also wish to buy a house together with him and stay with him forever. If my partner need any sex, he can go find another guy to have sex with as long as he love only me. But i will emphasize that he must have safe sex only.

But in a relationship, shouldn't it be "to us", instead of "to me"?

Just a thought.

[yoyo74]

But in a relationship, shouldn't it be "to us", instead of "to me"?

Just a thought.

Of cause in a relationship everything need to be "to us" so for me and the few others who do not do anal sex need to find someone with the same mentality so that everything is "to us"

[Guest Guest]

Just curious.. Are there many couples who do not engage in anal and oral sex? As in they are just attracted to each other, have intimate contact (hugging/kissing), give handjobs but do not engage in anal or oral?

[Guest Guest]

Nothing wrong with that.

[qez]

Nothing.

[Tor]

I do that too.

[joshboy]

i need not say more

[Guest Guest]

Thanks for the responses. I had a chat with a friend, and when he learnt that I've never had anal/oral with my partner he could not believe we're a couple at all. kinda made me regret ever sharing that info with him, and made me wonder if there are many couples in the same situation as me.

[execbulge]

Sounds like a homoerotic asexual relationship.

[yoyo74]

If i able to find a BF than i will be one such couple as i am one of the few rares here who dont do anal and oral

[Guest Guest]

There are couples who dun do anal but no oral i never hear before le.

[darkflame]

Actually, it's possible for a relationship to have just hugging, kissing and touching. Basically, intimate contact is there.

[Guest Wan]

It is normal and not weird... I know there's a couple 2 years being together just do hugs, kisses only!! It does not mean being in relatioship need to engage in oral sex and i don't mind if i could find a bf like that...

[azimuth]

I think it is possible. Chemistry is more important.

[Guest Jacob]

So i am dating this guy for about 2 weeks now... 

I have this mentality of mine that i don't want to have sex in the future when we move on to R/S..

NOT because i don't love him but i am scared of having sex.

Scared of the pain,infections and whatever possible reason .

Guys. Should i be honest with him that we will never ever gonna have sex ? 

Will he just leave me ? 

 

 

[Guest Jacob]

Just to add on : 

 

Should i let him know ? Just in case if keep delay will 越陷越深 and the emotionally pain will be worse.

 

Lets say if i don't let him know...

 

As time pass we love each other so much and due to this reason we broke up and the damage will be drastic.

 

长痛不如短痛 ？？

[dejavu]

if the relationship is genuine and borne out of love, respect and trust, it's important both of you sit down together to discuss this in intimate details, baring out all your reasons, inhibitions and fear. Maybe, just maybe, he may also not be interested in sex at all??

 

This is called homo-romantic asexual relationship - where love transcends all sexual and carnal desires, and partners meets and attends to each other's primary and secondary needs beyond all sexual desire. There are many many straight married couples who are in this phase, whether in their early or later stages of their married lives; and so do gay couples too. This is called "growing old together", and it takes a lot of commitment to want to go through this together.

 

Your fear of pain and infection could be justified, and maybe your partner can help and guide you along to overcome this unjustified and unfounded fear; and who knows, the next thing you'd discover - you're truly addicted to hardcore gay sex, penetrative, blowjob, rimming, sucking, the lot !!! haha, never rule out the impossible !!

 

Have fun in your discovery, and remember the Golden Rules of Gay Sex: A=Abstinence if possible; B=Be faithful and stay monogamous; C=Condom, always use protection at all times, even with your partner.

[Guest Guest]

So i am dating this guy for about 2 weeks now...

I have this mentality of mine that i don't want to have sex in the future when we move on to R/S..

NOT because i don't love him but i am scared of having sex.

Scared of the pain,infections and whatever possible reason .

Guys. Should i be honest with him that we will never ever gonna have sex ?

Will he just leave me ?

then y u want to get attach, even he is ok now but next time he leave you for someone, he has no fault, cos you are selfish and know nothing about love, you should just look for friends not lover, if you afraid lonely just tune to radio.

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

So i am dating this guy for about 2 weeks now...

I have this mentality of mine that i don't want to have sex in the future when we move on to R/S..

NOT because i don't love him but i am scared of having sex.

Scared of the pain,infections and whatever possible reason .

Guys. Should i be honest with him that we will never ever gonna have sex ?

Will he just leave me ?

Don't get into a relationship in the first place.

He will leave you one day.

As will others that come after him.

And it is not their fault.

If you need constant companionship it is much better to get a pet or get yourself involve in a job or activity that has long working hours and high human interaction so that your mind is drain and won't feel the void.

[Kevin Choy]

Well, sometimes SEX is not everything in a relationship but it form part of a conducive and fruitful relationship. Just like you wanna buy a car and just keep it at your garage and not driving it at all.  

[zwei]

^ sex is not everything but its definitely something!

[SeannyShortcake]

if the relationship is genuine and borne out of love, respect and trust, it's important both of you sit down together to discuss this in intimate details, baring out all your reasons, inhibitions and fear. Maybe, just maybe, he may also not be interested in sex at all??

 

This is called homo-romantic asexual relationship - where love transcends all sexual and carnal desires, and partners meets and attends to each other's primary and secondary needs beyond all sexual desire. There are many many straight married couples who are in this phase, whether in their early or later stages of their married lives; and so do gay couples too. This is called "growing old together", and it takes a lot of commitment to want to go through this together.

 

Your fear of pain and infection could be justified, and maybe your partner can help and guide you along to overcome this unjustified and unfounded fear; and who knows, the next thing you'd discover - you're truly addicted to hardcore gay sex, penetrative, blowjob, rimming, sucking, the lot !!! haha, never rule out the impossible !!

 

Have fun in your discovery, and remember the Golden Rules of Gay Sex: A=Abstinence if possible; B=Be faithful and stay monogamous; C=Condom, always use protection at all times, even with your partner.

 

What he said.

 

Besides,that's my good friend told me at the starting.

 

Next you know it,he's out on the wild. Hah.

[Guest Guest]

how about he having sex with other guys, are you ok?

there is a member that share the same thought like you,

maybe you both can make friend.

[gumdrop92]

well, first of all, sex is NOT everything. if he really love u he wont mind not having sex with u at the moment. but maybe after steading for 1 years/2 years or more when u are ready to have sex, then do it.

 

you are looking for a lover NOT a sex partner!!

ignore those who says "wow why do u even have a bf in the first place" ... bf is not for your sexual needs only.

 

if he forces you to have sex or have sex behind your back with other people.. then he doesnt love you at all and u should just leave him (:

 

note: people have sex behind their partner's back when the partner doesnt give them sex. so be careful! this will just increase the chances of getting std and what not.

 

cheers and hoping you have a lasting relationship (:

[gumdrop92]

Don't get into a relationship in the first place.

He will leave you one day.

As will others that come after him.

And it is not their fault.

If you need constant companionship it is much better to get a pet or get yourself involve in a job or activity that has long working hours and high human interaction so that your mind is drain and won't feel the void.

 

then y u want to get attach, even he is ok now but next time he leave you for someone, he has no fault, cos you are selfish and know nothing about love, you should just look for friends not lover, if you afraid lonely just tune to radio.

 

btw i completely disagree with this two opinions

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

btw i completely disagree with this two opinions

I disagree with yours too.

I'm just trying to spare him the hurt.

You all are young, love is innocent to people of a certain age group. But do bear in mind as the years goes by your heart and mind will grow too.

I got a feeling some of you haven't figure out what is love/lust/friendship/companionship.

I know some wont listen and go ahead.

Maybe that's what life is about,you all need to go through it to know the lesson yourself.

-Peace out -

[kys0n]

I think you better tell him asap. No sex is pretty much a deal breaker in most relationships and it's important to let the other person know upfront so he knows what he's getting into.

[Guest Guest]

This is why when a person speaks, you will know how mature he can be, is he still half past six or he go through quite a lot. kid talks are always wonderful, but this is forum for mature, is real world

[Guest Rationalist]

Just to add on :

Should i let him know ? Just in case if keep delay will 越陷越深 and the emotionally pain will be worse.

Lets say if i don't let him know...

As time pass we love each other so much and due to this reason we broke up and the damage will be drastic.

长痛不如短痛 ？？

Ask yourself this question, can you accept your partner look for alternative sex buddy but still in love with you but no sex with you?

[zwei]

well, first of all, sex is NOT everything. if he really love u he wont mind not having sex with u at the moment. but maybe after steading for 1 years/2 years or more when u are ready to have sex, then do it.

 

you are looking for a lover NOT a sex partner!!

ignore those who says "wow why do u even have a bf in the first place" ... bf is not for your sexual needs only.

 

if he forces you to have sex or have sex behind your back with other people.. then he doesnt love you at all and u should just leave him (:

 

note: people have sex behind their partner's back when the partner doesnt give them sex. so be careful! this will just increase the chances of getting std and what not.

 

cheers and hoping you have a lasting relationship (:

 

fairy tales about chasity are not going to happen

[lean n mean]

So i am dating this guy for about 2 weeks now... 

I have this mentality of mine that i don't want to have sex in the future when we move on to R/S..

NOT because i don't love him but i am scared of having sex.

Scared of the pain,infections and whatever possible reason .

Guys. Should i be honest with him that we will never ever gonna have sex ? 

Will he just leave me ? 

You dated him for 2 weeks and you say it is love but I think it is still major crush stage. Has he express his love for you too? What if it doesn't even reach that stage? But still, all your fears are very real to you so even if this doesn't work out, you should address your fears quickly because unfortunately, unless you are Mr Right yourself, most people will EXIT once you say you are afraid, especially of infections from them! I'm not trying to add to your sorrows but I just want to point out in the real world, a great catch will not settle for anything less. Of course you can be lucky, but you have to be really really lucky. I hope you will be able to decide what you want to do with your fears soon.  

[lonely57]

Ask yourself this question, can you accept your partner look for alternative sex buddy but still in love with you but no sex with you?

 

this 

 

i mean seriously. think about it. even if ur relationship goes on till u die. hes bound to have needs. a man is still a man. horny as fk. he has to release at some point and one day masturbation will not be enough for him. he will seek more. thats where u should satisfy his needs and urs as well. ur a guy. ur bound to be horny one day. 

 

if u both love each other. there will be this trust in between whereby u wont hurt each other and sex becomes something that brings u closer. 

 

sex is not everything. but as humans u cant avoid it. if u can. u are just sad. 

 

im not telling u to have sex with him now. just open up to the possibility of doing it in the future. not until NEVER gonna have sex with him. 

 

good luck. 

[gumdrop92]

Obviously, TS is not gonna abstain from sex forever. He's obviously not gonna die a virgin.

 

just do it when you feel like both of u are ready, or else there will no enjoyment anyway.

 

would u want someone u're dating to only LUST for u? i dont think so. So once you stop having sex, the person leaves u and finds some other guy to fulfill his lust?

 

Sex is just a bonus to being in a relationship, if you're not ready for sex, its no big deal. if the guy truly loves u, he will still love u for who u are as a person!

[HydroNaut]

It is no difference like having a relationship with a monk or eunuch.

 

Sex also make "Making love"....that is how love blossomed somehow too. Though I am not for sex-crazed relationship, but sex once in a blue moon does helps to trigger a sense of intimacy between both party.

[Guest Guest1]

So i am dating this guy for about 2 weeks now... 

I have this mentality of mine that i don't want to have sex in the future when we move on to R/S..

NOT because i don't love him but i am scared of having sex.

Scared of the pain,infections and whatever possible reason .

Guys. Should i be honest with him that we will never ever gonna have sex ? 

Will he just leave me ? 

 

you used the word "scared". one can overcome fear. this can be changed. you will not die a virgin (and I am very confident about this).

 

But if you are in the very tiny probability of abstaining completely, please be honest and tell him from the start. help him understand so that if he is okay with the situation, both of you can deal with it together, as a couple, and not alone.

 

My personal story:

I have a very low sex-drive. once every 2 weeks or sometimes once a month is enough for me. But when I need it, I do and must need it. There was one relationship I had in which my partner was "scared" of sex. But I didn't know about this until the end of our relationship. I got fed up by his rejection of my advances, the trust and intimacy eroded completely and I threw in the towel (break-up).

I personally feel that if I cannot have ONE intimate moment with my partner, even I, a low sex-drive person, will call this a deal-breaker because I detest looking for sex outside my relationships.

 

PS: he is scared of sex because he was raped before. But I found out about this only at the end when I completely distrusted him (there were many incidents besides "no sex" which contributed to this distrust, so please do not assume me to be a simple-minded horny animal). Even the reason he gave me about rape, I could not believe. I thought of it as an excuse. This was the level of distrust I had for him. I know it is mean of me to react the way I did but I said this to him before we parted ways forever: "Did I not love you enough to drive your insecurities away? Did I not love you enough so that you have the courage to tell me this earlier? Did I not love you enough to give you hope that my love would not change and we could solve this problem together as a couple? But I have grown distrustful of you and my love for you is gone because of that. Your actions betray me and I want a break up..."

If he had told me earlier for me to understand, whilst I still trusted him, we would still be together until today... I really did love him, but his actions, his behaviour and his poor choice of verbal responses demotivated me to keep the relationship going. It was the last straw that broke the camel's back.

[smokey]

Don't get into a relationship in the first place.

He will leave you one day.

As will others that come after him.

And it is not their fault.

If you need constant companionship it is much better to get a pet or get yourself involve in a job or activity that has long working hours and high human interaction so that your mind is drain and won't feel the void.

Ps. For me saying this . But your suggestion or advice as you might call it , is lousy .

Fill the void ? Omg . I dont even want to think about it .

Edited May 4, 2013 by smokey

[Guest zAcOn]

Not to fast to have sex in this relationship is acceptable, but if totally no sex in the relationship is a NO for me.

Noticed your 'scared' in sex with your bf, it's just maybe you just started this relationship for only 2 weeks.

Trust is important in a relationship, and this takes time for you to build trust with your partner.

 

As other said, sex is not the most important in a relationship BUT it's take you and your partner to another stage of relationship,

and of course after the 'Trust' part in the relationship.

 

Anyway just take your time on this matter, speak out and discuss with your partner. Sure your partner is willing to wait for you if he does really love you

[yoyo74]

     Jacob, I am also like you only want a relationship without those sex. Although people like us is very rare but there are still people like us out there. So do not give up on love and keep on finding it. If this relationship dont work, go find next one. But most importantly be truthful about it and tell them upfront about it so that you wont waste any time on them if they must have sex in a relationship.

 

     For my case of not wanting anal and BJ is because i feel its dirty. I dont want to touch any shit so i dont do anal sex. I only want clean food and not urine in my mouth so i dont do BJ.

 

     I am 100% sure i want to have a love life and get a BF and to live happily together forever. I am also 100% sure i dont want to do anal sex and BJ. If i gets horny I can just self DIY or have clean fun with my future partner. I do love to be touched by my love ones and to touch those lean fit body that i love. I love to hug and cuddle together with the one i love. I dont see why anal sex and BJ is a must in a relationship as long as both me and my future partner are contended with just clean fun.

 

     I am a special case. I can separated love and sex so well that i dont mind if my partner have sex with other people as long as he can continue to love me. Even if he have sex with others in front of me i also would not mind at all, but i will ask him to use condom for safe sex.

 

     The most important thing is that my future BF can love me and wont force me to do things that i dont want to do. Other stuff I am just nice and casual. I am just like a normal gay guy that likes cute looking guys with a fit body hopefully as fit as me or better.

 

 

[Guest Guest]

"Mark McClemont, who identifies as a homoromantic asexual, explains how romance and sex are delineated in his mind.

"I find men aesthetically attractive and emotionally alluring. I'm capable of having strong emotional feelings, and I'm also capable of falling in love, but sex and love for me are completely separate," the 49-year-old said. "I enjoy physical contact, and I don't find sex offensive. I just don't want to interfere with someone else's bits and pieces or have them interfere with mine."

"

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/19/asexual-relationships_n_3362206.html

[GachiMuchi]

With reference to the above post. Here is the extract.

Asexual Relationships, Masturbation And Romance In The Ace Community (INFOGRAPHIC)

Posted: 06/19/2013 9:30 am EDT  |  Updated: 06/19/2013 12:55 pm EDT

 

This is the third part of a six-part series on asexuality, in which we explore the history of the asexual movement, uncover current research on asexuality, debunk common misconceptions and discuss the challenges the asexual community faces.

 

Masturbation doesn't make you sexual, says sex expert Lori Brotto. She estimates that half of all asexuals stimulate themselves on a fairly regular basis.

 

"People may ask, 'How can they be asexual if they masturbate?' I admit the finding did surprise me, too," said Brotto, the director of the University of British Columbia's Sexual Health Laboratory. "When you talk about masturbation, you may think of it as a sexual activity, but actually masturbation is not inherently sexual. [Asexuals cite] boredom, stress reduction, helping them to get to sleep, etc., as reasons behind masturbation."

 

Several male asexuals told us they masturbate frequently, some every day, and most used the phrase "cleaning the plumbing" to explain why they do it. One female asexual said that while she masturbates about once a month, she has no idea why she does it; it just feels like something she's biologically compelled to do.

"It's like an itch that you have to scratch," Luke Bovard, a 23-year-old graduate student at Canada's University of Waterloo, explained matter-of-factly, leaning back on a Brooklyn park bench during a recent visit to New York City. "There's nothing more to it."

 

Luke Bovard, who studies applied math, says he's been "vaguely aware" of his asexuality since his early adolescence. Finding the asexual community was a "relief," he says, as it helped him better understand himself and "articulate some of the thoughts" he'd been having about his asexuality. (Photo credit: Luke Bovard)

 

Though asexuals (or "aces") are often seen as individuals who are devoid of sexual desire, incapable of sexual arousal and averse to interpersonal intimacy, both researchers and asexuals alike say these are largely misconceptions.

 

In a 2010 study, Brotto says she found evidence that asexual women have a similar genital response to stimuli as sexual women -- in other words, a comparable sexual arousal response.

Still, despite evidence that sexual desire and arousal are not usually absent in asexuals, current research indicates that aces do have significantly lower sexual desire and arousal than sexual individuals. Orgasmic function also tends to be lower. Several aces even said that while they can experience orgasm (a reflexive response), it is almost always -- and this is a direct quote -- "meh."

 

Brotto's study indicates, however, that these lower levels are not caused by an "impaired psychophysiological sexual arousal response." As one asexual put it, "everything works, we just don't want to get somebody else involved."

 

Tellingly, most asexuals who masturbate say they rarely think about another person during the act, and even when they do, it's in a non-sexual context. Many aces say they think of nothing when they masturbate, while a handful indicated that certain fetishes, like BDSM, come to mind.

 

Brotto estimates that about 10 percent of masturbating asexuals masturbate to non-human images. One woman Brotto studied said she masturbates to mythical fairies.

 

THE ASEXUAL SPECTRUM

Still, though most aces neither want nor fantasize about sex with other people, that doesn’t always mean they are opposed to intimacy of a different variety: Romance is very much alive in the asexual community.

Aces say that asexuality, just like sexuality, exists on a spectrum. Most asexuals, when asked, will identify two orientations: a sexual one and a romantic one.

 

For example, while some aces identify themselves as both aromantic and asexual (meaning they generally do not feel romantic or sexual attraction toward other people), others say they do have the capacity to feel romantically toward others.

 

"[The ace lifestyle] allows you to see how sex and romance can be decoupled," said Anthony Bogaert, a professor at Canada’s Brock University and an authority on asexual research. "It allows you to see that when we automatically couple up romance and sex, as if they're naturally together, that's not true."

(Story continues below)

(Click to enlarge)

Mark McClemont, who identifies as a homoromantic asexual, explains how romance and sex are delineated in his mind.

 

"I find men aesthetically attractive and emotionally alluring. I'm capable of having strong emotional feelings, and I'm also capable of falling in love, but sex and love for me are completely separate," the 49-year-old said. "I enjoy physical contact, and I don't find sex offensive. I just don't want to interfere with someone else's bits and pieces or have them interfere with mine."

 

There are also members of the ace community who identify as demisexual or Gray-A, which are identities that sit along the spectrum between sexuality and asexuality.

 

Demisexuals, explained Gwendolyn M., a 25-year-old designer who lives in Honolulu, are people who do not experience sexual attraction toward others unless and until they forge a very strong emotional -- and usually romantic -- connection.

 

Gwendolyn, who identifies as a panromantic demisexual, has been in a relationship with a sexual man for the past seven years. She says the bond generally takes a very long time to form, and even when it does, sex is possible, but it still remains relatively peripheral.

 

"I do have regular sex, and it is pretty nice," she said. "And I do feel some sexual desire under special circumstances … but I enjoy a lot of the sex with him only very partially from my own sexual desire, which is minimal. It's really from this secondary sexual desire, this desire to make him happy, that makes it enjoyable. That desire is a powerful force that stems from the head, rather than my libido. I don't hunger for sex the way other people might."

 

Gray-A's, on the other hand, are people who identify more generally in the gray zone between asexuality and sexuality. These include individuals who don't typically experience sexual attraction, as well as people who can desire and enjoy sex but only under very specific circumstances.

 

"Sexuality is so fluid, and Gray-A presents more of a possibility to be unsure. I don't understand all the intricacies of myself yet, so this is the closest approximation I've come up with," said Chris Maleney, an 18-year-old Pennsylvania high school student who identifies as Gray-A.

 

The specific language that has developed among asexuals has not just been useful in helping aces define themselves, but it's also worked to bring the community together.

 

 

"It's one of the coolest parts of our community," said David Jay, founder of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN). "It's like a microcosm of the way in which everyone is experiencing intimacy that they don't have words to describe. Words like ‘girlfriend’ and ‘boyfriend’ and ‘it's complicated’ on Facebook aren't sufficient in describing intimacy. That's why [this language] developed. It acknowledges that we're experiencing a lot of different kinds of connections that we don't have words for."

 

Mark Carrigan, a Ph.D. student at the University of Warwick who has been studying asexuality for the past five years, agrees. He said this language could also be useful in a broader context.

 

"We as a society are very inarticulate about the quality and quantity of attraction. We have a very homogenizing, uniform language in which we talk about attraction and love,” said Carrigan, who recently published a number of articles about asexuality in the journal Psychology and Sexuality. “This distinction made in the asexual community between sexual and romantic attraction just blew my mind when I heard about it. It's a conceptually rich language that could be very valuable to even people who are not asexual."

Still, even with this powerful vocabulary, aces say navigating the world of relationships has not been made much easier.

 

Though some asexuals, like Gwendolyn, have managed to forge successful, healthy and lasting partnerships with sexual people, these relationships appear to be the exception, not the rule.

 

Many aces who have romantic inclinations say they would be open to finding romantic partners; some say they would even like to get married. But the idea of being in a relationship with a sexual person is often daunting and, some say, impossible.

 

"Relationships are the biggest hurdle in my life," said Brittainy Jones, a 21-year-old recent graduate who lives in Austin, Texas. "I can't just tell them that I'm asexual, I'm demisexual. It can make dating very, very difficult."

While most aces say that dating a sexual person is perhaps plausible ("Communication, communication, communication," was the mantra recited by several aces who have pursued relationships with sexual people in the past), many say that a relationship with another asexual is the most appealing option.

 

"Finding an asexual partner would be ideal. We could have a great life together, but I'm not expecting that to happen anytime soon," said Luke Bovard, a heteroromantic asexual who has dated sexual women in the past, shrugging his shoulders in resignation.

 

ISAAC & KATIE

Isaac Paavola and Katie Mathias look like any other young couple in love. Fresh-faced and bright-eyed, they sit just a little too close to each other on the sofa, all giggles and stolen glances.

 

But the pair, both 20, are a rare sort of couple. Both asexual, they represent the very small percentage of the ace community who have managed to connect with other aces offline. Even more magically, they've also found love.

 

Katie Mathias (left) and Isaac Paavola, both panromantic asexuals, have been dating since January. (Photo credit: Isaac Paavola)

 

Speaking via video chat from Paavola's Chicago living room on a Sunday afternoon, the couple happily described their relationship and what a positive experience it has been for both of them.

 

"This is the best relationship I've ever had," said Mathias, a panromantic asexual who dated a number of sexual men before meeting Paavola. "I feel so much more comfortable with Isaac. I trust him. I know there's not the same pressure, I know he's not thinking about [sex]."

 

Paavola and Mathias, who both grew up in small towns, met last year on Acebook, a dating and social networking site for asexuals. Finding a lot in common, they decided to meet in person at an AVEN event in January. They've been dating since then and recently decided to move in together.

 

"People often ask us, 'How is your relationship different from a friendship?'" said Paavola, also a panromantic asexual. "A lot of it is commitment, a lot of it is internal, emotional attraction. We don't have this physical ritual, sex, that defines this relationship, but we share a physical intimacy outside of sex."

 

"It amazes me when people assume that because we're not sexual, that we're not romantic, and that we don't touch or share affection," he went on to say. "There's a lot of things outside of sex that people do with their significant others that they wouldn't do with most of their friends. Our relationship involves the same two-person commitment and emotional connection sexual couples share."

 

Mathias and Paavola admit that before they met each other, they thought they might go through life without a romantic partner. But they say that's no longer the case.

 

"[Asexuals] just need to put themselves out there and organize. They need to attend meet-ups in their cities, try to meet other aces in person," said Paavola. "Now with Katie, I've never felt better about a connection with anybody, it's pretty promising. ... It's obviously possible."

Edited June 19, 2013 by GachiMuchi

[yoyo74]

Hmm, from the picture above i might be listed as homoromantic asexual.

By the way, I have successfully found my first boyfriend after coming out of the closet for 2 years. I have been completely honest with him that i have already decided to abstain from sex and the reason for doing it and my boyfriend agrees to it. Its already been a month of relationship and we never had any arguements as we accept each others weaknesses. I had a feeling that this boyfriend of mine will most probably be my first and last one.

[sazanime]

I am loving this thread, I absolutely abstain  from anal sex.Had a guy who nearly raped me(practically slam me to the floor and pin me down) but lucky I managed to kick out.He blames me saying I got to be crazy if i expect a relationship without anal sex even though from the start I told him no anal sex.Felt really traumatised and depress and was in a way thinking he might be right (for years i thought it was like that) .Glad to find like minded people here gave me some hope not every relationship needs to involve anal sex.Thanks guys keep this thread alive, kind of giving hope to people like me who prefer LTR without anal.

[dancrew]

Me neither, I don't want Anal sex in any LTR, as it is very dirty when come to think about shit....

[Guest Guest]

So, if asked "T/B 1/0 ?" they are referring to anal only, or some other play as well? 

[allyremen]

Maybe it is just me but no way am I going to have a no-sex relationship. Slut or not, I need to suck cocks, to fuck or be fucked! :-)

[scruffy_bass]

nice thread....

for me i don't like anal...i don't know why...i too am thinking if this situation is possible in a relationship but after reading the article above,i guess there is still hope...haha

[lonely84]

Per title, I'm gay but yet oral or anal was never my thing, is this abnormal for a gay person?

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

When you have sexual needs what fantasy or methods do you use to provide you with sexual relief?

I need this information in order tto assess your case and give you an answer to your question.

[lonely84]

When you have sexual needs what fantasy or methods do you use to provide you with sexual relief?

I need this information in order tto assess your case and give you an answer to your question.

I'm into JO and cuddling for sexual relief.

[snowball]

Per title, I'm gay but yet oral or anal was never my thing, is this abnormal for a gay person?

what is normal & abnormal to you?

have you wonder why you are not into those stuffs?

what you like about guys to make you a gay?

one thing you have to take note,

you do not need to follow what others doing,

is ok to be different, dare to be different.

will you happy if you force yourself doing what you dislike?

just live your life with own style.