Is Anal / Oral Sex A Must? Is Sex Important In A R/ship? + R/ship Without Sex Possible? (compiled)

[Pre-op Shemale]

Edited November 13, 2013 by Pre-op Shemale

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

Once you find a life companion mutual cuddling and masturbation might be enough to satisfy your emotion needs. Maybe as time went on and your relationship become stronger and trust overcome inhibitions you might consider to explore and expand into the world of eroticism.

Just a thought.

And I don't find you normal or abnormal here at all.Different strokes for different folks.

[Guest Guest]

There is nothing wrong with being content with j/o and cuddling.

I know of at least two other gay couples who are into the same thing. You just have a different way of relieving your needs thats all.

Absolutely nothing to "assess" or question.

[yoyo74]

So, if asked "T/B 1/0 ?" they are referring to anal only, or some other play as well? 

T=Top=1 and B=Bottom=0 and yes these are the description for anal role. Several gay website forum always ask for anal role when registering, I had to give the wrong answer as no answer from the drop down list is correct lol

[yoyo74]

Per title, I'm gay but yet oral or anal was never my thing, is this abnormal for a gay person?

Its not abnormal but people like us are more rare case. Hugging, cuddling and touching around is enough for me to relieve my sexual needs. I have been with my BF for half a year already and relationship still going strong. Hes my first relationship as i go out of my closet quite late. Up till now there is not even a single arguement from us. I believe our no anal no oral relationship can last till death separate us apart. To me the most important in a relationship is your sincerity, attitude and the determination to live together with your BF forever.

[lonely84]

what is normal & abnormal to you?

have you wonder why you are not into those stuffs?

what you like about guys to make you a gay?

one thing you have to take note,

you do not need to follow what others doing,

is ok to be different, dare to be different.

will you happy if you force yourself doing what you dislike?

just live your life with own style.

 

Thanks snowball.

Erm it may sound weird but I just feel that oral and anal is a little unacceptable for me. And for things I like about guy are mainly the companionship. but then the tough part would be looking for someone that has similar interest as mine.

 

 

Once you find a life companion mutual cuddling and masturbation might be enough to satisfy your emotion needs. Maybe as time went on and your relationship become stronger and trust overcome inhibitions you might consider to explore and expand into the world of eroticism.

Just a thought.

And I don't find you normal or abnormal here at all.Different strokes for different folks.

 

Thanks for advice Raiden Alpha

 

 

 

There is nothing wrong with being content with j/o and cuddling.

I know of at least two other gay couples who are into the same thing. You just have a different way of relieving your needs thats all.

Absolutely nothing to "assess" or question.

 

Thanks. I think the only tough part would be to search for someone with similar interest.

 

 

Its not abnormal but people like us are more rare case. Hugging, cuddling and touching around is enough for me to relieve my sexual needs. I have been with my BF for half a year already and relationship still going strong. Hes my first relationship as i go out of my closet quite late. Up till now there is not even a single arguement from us. I believe our no anal no oral relationship can last till death separate us apart. To me the most important in a relationship is your sincerity, attitude and the determination to live together with your BF forever.

 

Ah I wish I can be as lucky as you well I'll have to keep searching...

[Guest Guest]

Thanks snowball.

Erm it may sound weird but I just feel that oral and anal is a little unacceptable for me. And for things I like about guy are mainly the companionship. but then the tough part would be looking for someone that has similar interest as mine.

Thanks for advice Raiden Alpha

Thanks. I think the only tough part would be to search for someone with similar interest.

Ah I wish I can be as lucky as you well I'll have to keep searching...

I would say that you are the timid type so you crave intimacy more than sex.

You can get by without sex and there are plenty of people doing that even straights too.

You are afraid to try anal sex because of the dirty connotations.

It is true that anal sex is dirty both physically and emotionally.

I used to be afraid of anal sex too. But being in this gay circle, it didn't take long for someone finally ate my "pig".

The first time was nothing great and the bloody pain was truly bad as they said. It was not my thing but once the mold was broken, I was not as afraid as before.

Unfortunately when there were some handsome men that I liked and they demanded my ass in exchange for intimacy, I accepted being fucked as being a bargaining chip sometimes. It was still not my thing and I merely gritted my teeth and proverbially "bended over". Physically it was not as great but having a handsome man hooing and ahhing fucking me was quite stimulating emotionally.

I tried being top too but the reactions from my bottoms were most unflattering to say the least. These bottoms no give me face. When I bottom at least I act stimulated.

That went on for years, I still prefer intimacy over anal sex. Till one day for no reason, I met this top, not too big cock, not too handsome but his enthusiasm was burning hot when fucking me. It was hard fast and furious and I started to felt something swelling through my body. Instead of gritting my teeth and tolerating his cock, I actually was ooohhing and aaahhhing uncontrollably.

There was something special about his eagerness to service me. There was a burning flame in his eyes wanting to eat me alive. In turn I was turned on and reciprocating. When I finally shot my load, it was so draining that I was practically paralyzed till he shot his too.

Needless to say, I became hooked to him and anal sex. I became active offering my body to him on a phone call away. He was one of those sexually insatiable top and made me an insatiable bottom. After one year of torrid sex with each other, I felt my body changed physically. I craved anal sex instead of intimacy. In fact our sex became more and more hard core to keep sex fresh.

So I would say that if you never tasted anal sex then it will be easy to not want it. But if someone lit your ass then you can never turn back.

[yoyo74]

I would say that you are the timid type so you crave intimacy more than sex.

You can get by without sex and there are plenty of people doing that even straights too.

You are afraid to try anal sex because of the dirty connotations.

It is true that anal sex is dirty both physically and emotionally.

I used to be afraid of anal sex too. But being in this gay circle, it didn't take long for someone finally ate my "pig".

The first time was nothing great and the bloody pain was truly bad as they said. It was not my thing but once the mold was broken, I was not as afraid as before.

Unfortunately when there were some handsome men that I liked and they demanded my ass in exchange for intimacy, I accepted being fucked as being a bargaining chip sometimes. It was still not my thing and I merely gritted my teeth and proverbially "bended over". Physically it was not as great but having a handsome man hooing and ahhing fucking me was quite stimulating emotionally.

I tried being top too but the reactions from my bottoms were most unflattering to say the least. These bottoms no give me face. When I bottom at least I act stimulated.

That went on for years, I still prefer intimacy over anal sex. Till one day for no reason, I met this top, not too big cock, not too handsome but his enthusiasm was burning hot when fucking me. It was hard fast and furious and I started to felt something swelling through my body. Instead of gritting my teeth and tolerating his cock, I actually was ooohhing and aaahhhing uncontrollably.

There was something special about his eagerness to service me. There was a burning flame in his eyes wanting to eat me alive. In turn I was turned on and reciprocating. When I finally shot my load, it was so draining that I was practically paralyzed till he shot his too.

Needless to say, I became hooked to him and anal sex. I became active offering my body to him on a phone call away. He was one of those sexually insatiable top and made me an insatiable bottom. After one year of torrid sex with each other, I felt my body changed physically. I craved anal sex instead of intimacy. In fact our sex became more and more hard core to keep sex fresh.

So I would say that if you never tasted anal sex then it will be easy to not want it. But if someone lit your ass then you can never turn back.

 

There is no timid or afraid when one person thinks anal sex is dirty. Its the feeling of disgusted when thinking about it. Its the same feeling of straight guy feeling disgusted of having sex with another guy. I also have the same disgusted feeling of having to penetrate a woman virgina hole which i also thinks is dirty. So those dirty sex is not possible for me to enjoy mentally. People like me are attracted to male physical face and body only and not its dick or ass. All those clean sexual stimulation is more than enough for me to enjoy. Previous post got categorization for me as a Homo romantic asexual.

 

As for you being practically paralyzed when having random sex will get you in trouble. If the person is HIV+ and like to get his revenge to spread to others, he could just take off his condom and continue banging you until you get his HIV. 

[Guest Raiden Alpha]

Edited.

Transfer to another thread.

Edited November 17, 2013 by Raiden Alpha

[ArchDragon]

For me kissing and cuddling is more than enough.

[mamamia]

Can such a relationship sustain ? Is this healthy ? Got to know a friend who broke off with his boyfriend of 12 years who left him for another better looking and younger man. My friend and his ex are still in their prime. My friend told me his relationship with his ex was quite sexless except for the first 3 years plus. To me I find it rather ridiculous lor , I think he must be low sex drive as he said he has no sexual urge with his ex. Seems that he never initiate sex and the bf got tired and look for a new love. Unbelievable , ble , ble , ble ...for me 1 month no sex ( if we are seeing each other regularly , staying in the same country) , I'll say bye, bye already lor ; to me gay people are largely highly sexual being, very very very rare only in the plutonic sense when bf relationship is concerned ... No sex, no love ?

Edited July 26, 2015 by mamamia

[Guest Guest]

Pure innocent love for gays ?! You must be kidding me , ha ha ha .....I cannot believe there is pure innocent love for straights , all is about dirty sex with loads of evil magazines telling everyone that sex is very important in relationship , so when one partner is enable to perform well anymore , divorce comes thereafter , stupid humans have already been brain washed like centuries ago !!

[IkuTube]

Can such a relationship sustain?

 

I believe it is possible.  Then again, it depends on the maturity of the individual in that relationship.  How much he can accept that the relationship is not all about sex all the time.  Would he able to accept just a loving hug, a passionate kiss, a warm hands held, an affectionate cuddling .. are all these intimacies enough?  To some, emotional and mental orgasms are enough.

 

Is this healthy?

 

Healthy is when a couple is able to sit down and narrow down any differences.  That they are able to talk about sex openly without pointing blame for the lack off.  That each of them do not feel disrespected.

 

No sex, No love?

 

It will be unfortunate to come to this stage with this notion.  What will then happen, say when the couple gets old and they are still together but there's no more sex (while one is still wanting it)?

 

While sex is good, it does not mean that it has to be there all the time.

[analogous]

I cannot believe there is pure innocent love for straights , all is about dirty sex with loads of evil magazines telling everyone that sex is very important in relationship , so when one partner is enable to perform well anymore , divorce comes thereafter

 

How about your parents? Are they divorced? If not, why? Did they stay together because of you?

[Guest Guest]

Can such a relationship sustain?

I believe it is possible. Then again, it depends on the maturity of the individual in that relationship. How much he can accept that the relationship is not all about sex all the time. Would he able to accept just a loving hug, a passionate kiss, a warm hands held, an affectionate cuddling .. are all these intimacies enough? To some, emotional and mental orgasms are enough.

Is this healthy?

Healthy is when a couple is able to sit down and narrow down any differences. That they are able to talk about sex openly without pointing blame for the lack off. That each of them do not feel disrespected.

No sex, No love?

It will be unfortunate to come to this stage with this notion. What will then happen, say when the couple gets old and they are still together but there's no more sex (while one is still wanting it)?

While sex is good, it does not mean that it has to be there all the time.

That is why gays do not have a forever long term relationship .....they cannot stand each other getting old !

[mamamia]

For gay relationship to work , I think sex is very very important lor ...

[Guest Horny all the time]

For gay relationship to work , I think sex is very very important lor ...

I fully agree. Look at this forum, you can tell SEX is in everyone mind. How can there no sex in a relationship? who is kidding who, especially in gay relationship. 

[Guest cutejack]

Haizzz.my date left me bcoz i didnt initiate sex.talk but no action. Im an idiot.thought he seriously dont want sex but ....??????

[robin]

I think it is easy to say that sex is important in a relationship.

You just imagine, if you have to eat the same dish everyday for 10 years, will you be craving for it? At times, you will probably rather skip a meal then eating it. That's why so many people, str8 or gay are 'eating out'.

I am not saying an open relationship is right or wrong. What I am saying is that in a monogamous relationship, maintaining a regular sex life is tougher than what most people can imagine. One don't always want to have sex with the partner after some time (not to mention years). At times, masturbation is even more enjoyable!

To maintain the sex life, at times, it really requires pushing yourself to do it, else you will sure ended up looking for 'other alternatives'.

For many couples who have been together for many years but for whatever reasons, not having sex with each other; ask them if one of them needed a kidney & the other party has the opportunity to give, will he give? I believe most of the answer will be a yes. If this is not love, what is it?

Edited July 26, 2015 by robin

[G_M]

Can such a relationship sustain ? Is this healthy ? Got to know a friend who broke off with his boyfriend of 12 years who left him for another better looking and younger man. My friend and his ex are still in their prime. My friend told me his relationship with his ex was quite sexless except for the first 3 years plus. To me I find it rather ridiculous lor , I think he must be low sex drive as he said he has no sexual urge with his ex. Seems that he never initiate sex and the bf got tired and look for a new love. Unbelievable , ble , ble , ble ...for me 1 month no sex ( if we are seeing each other regularly , staying in the same country) , I'll say bye, bye already lor ; to me gay people are largely highly sexual being, very very very rare only in the plutonic sense when bf relationship is concerned ... No sex, no love ?

This is a question that had been asked by many and thus it will be consolidated so that you can read the replies of others.

[Guest 72%dark]

where love transcends all sexual and carnal desires, and partners meets and attends to each other's primary and secondary needs beyond all sexual desire.

Just wanted to point out that when love is characterized as “transcend[ing]” sexual and carnal desires, it implies that sexual desire is somehow ‘lower’/‘baser’ or in some other sense subordinate to love. Similarly, when non-sexual needs are characterized as “primary and secondary”, it implies that sexual desire is ‘tertiary’ or in some other sense peripheral.

 

However, the relative value/importance of sex and love (assuming they are separable) is not intrinsic; it’s a judgment that each person makes based on his/her own value system (which may of course be influenced by cultural norms and so on). Just as those who identify as asexual should feel free and empowered to make connections that are non-sexual (or only sexual in specific ways or under specific circumstances), those who do consider sex an important component of a relationship shouldn’t have to labor under the stigma that sex is low/base/peripheral/unclean and so on. 

 

Generally speaking, what matters is that the people who make a connection are able to provide each other with whatever sustains them, whether emotional or/and physical, in a non-destructive and mutually satisfying way.

Edited July 28, 2015 by 72%dark

[Guest Guest]

Either anal or oral or both.  If both partners not into any, then compromise with kissing, hugging, nipple play and then jerk off.  Sex is important in a relationship.

[Guest Penetration]

Is Penetration Important to Gay Guys? 

Published By: Bill Sarter | September 30, 2015 

•  

Sex is one of the most intriguing parts of a committed relationship. Two minds, bodies and souls connecting in such a vulnerable way increase not only the excitement, but the ever-growing trust which is crucial in everyone. But why is it when we think of sex with gay guys, we assume penetration must be involved?

I spoke with 6 gay couples who I knew had fantastic sex lives – they’re always touching, kissing, and whispering erotic things in each others ear. After asking them how often they had penetration, most of them said it’s not on their “must do” list. The majority of them claim they had it much more frequently when their relationship was new, and over time, it became less important.

The general consensus was about 50 – 60% of the time each of these couples had sex, they did NOT have penetration. Though it is a pretty good amount, there is still a lot of non-penetration happening which makes me wonder, how important is it?

Don’t get me wrong. Penetration is fabulous and there are many fantasies tied to it, especially with single men. Hook up apps like Grindr and Scruff are filled with those men seeking only penetration, well, at least a good majority of them. But there’s a flip side to it. Though it is the most intense form of sex, penetration can also be the most unemotional form as well, especially when you are just looking to get off.

In a successful relationship, penetration takes on a different meaning than it used to with gay guys. Of course every couple is different in that there are some who need penetration to satisfy their urges, while others would rather have a sensual experience with penetration not being a top priority.

Top, Bottom, Power Bottom, Versatile and all the other labels we put on ourselves have everything to do with penetration. It’s always in the back of our minds, and more often than not we make important decisions based on these sexual roles. Some men just won’t feel satisfied unless they’re in someone’s body.

Whether penetration happens or not, the real issue here is what lies behind the friction. That is the definitive moment which distinguishes sex, making love, and downright getting nasty. If a couple is in love and all they want to do is express it, then it makes sense why penetration wouldn’t be on top of their to-do list. If someone is Grinding or crawling the bars looking to get off with the first gay guy that shows attention, penetration might be the only thing on their mind.

I’m sure couples who have less interest in 24/7 penetration will tell you the level of intimacy doesn’t depend on the depth of one’s penis inside his partner. It’s true that we’re men, and it’s in men’s bodies to hump like his life depends on it, but the truth is, what we really want is connection. Do gay guys need penetration to have it?

[darkflame]

The emotional connection behind penetration is much more important.

Like when you are inside someone or someone is inside you, the powerful connection of 'joining as one' beats the purely physical 'fucking'.

 

If fucking was all it was, we would have been satisfied completely by dildos and pocket holes.

[Carpenter]

32 minutes ago, darkflame said:

If fucking was all it was, we would have been satisfied completely by dildos and pocket holes.

As they usually said, 'nothing beats the real meat'

[lovehandle]

I agreed with carpenter who saw deep into the fantasies of having a no-penetration life....it may not really must be a critical on the list but it is still needed


Someone told me that he will find a bf who is a btm too, he is btm and he will find another btm who will finger him or etc , eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Not realistic at all


I need more tops to share in this forum to wake some of you up

 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, lovehandle said:

I agreed with carpenter who saw deep into the fantasies of having a no-penetration life....it may not really must be a critical on the list but it is still needed


Someone told me that he will find a bf who is a btm too, he is btm and he will find another btm who will finger him or etc , eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Not realistic at all


I need more tops to share in this forum to wake some of you up

 

 

I am bottom,  and i don't like penetration,  idiot! 

[Gray32]

I don't like the idea of penetration, especially if that's the only thing that keeps the relationship going and keeps both parties stay connected to each other.

 

Much pun.

 

Emotional lovers are slowly fading away.

 

Faded with time, and their age withers along with it.

 

What's the point of having a moment that fills your hollow heart with lust and sensation that's temporary, and may come with a price to pay?

 

I guess I'll never understand this circle.

[lovehandle]

1 hour ago, Guest said:

 

I am bottom,  and i don't like penetration,  idiot! 

Dear idiot, tks for signing off your name for us to knw u well:

 

it s your own personal opinion

 

 

anyone is free to voice

 

 

and i thk your brain need heavy penetration instead 

[Traveler3032]

The answer is, Yes! Two guys like each other and have sexy time. At least for me, fucking is a great way to connect each other, and get a closure for the intimate act at that moment.  After both come and rest a bit, then you can continue to  have some intelligent talk.  :-)

 

By the way,  I don't Like to use the word "penetration" here. It has to be real anal sex. Dildo does not count. Only hot, hard cock can do the job. To be frank, we really don't need to beat around the bushes here.

Edited February 3, 2016 by Traveler3032

[snowball]

I love to have passionate sex with my dear, it is another way to make 2 souls into 1, it shows how i love him and want him badly, esp we take turns to fuck each other and the moment he cum inside me, without this process, it is like incomplete sex

[luvhandle]

It s wonderful to have frank opinions by carpenter, snowball, Lovehandle and Travellor too

 

esp Travellor mentioned that it has to be real anal sex and he mentioned that let's not beat around the bush

[snowball]

we just need to respect each other liking, only the couple know it better, relationship is not only just about sex sex sex, there are many type of guys, gay, bi or straight, we must admit that some of them find sexual intercourse is dirty, so, just let it be

[lovehandle]

so sweet, Snowball!

[fab]

3 hours ago, Guest said:

 

I am bottom,  and i don't like penetration,  idiot! 

 

so y be btm if u dont like penetration?

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Gray32 said:

I don't like the idea of penetration, especially if that's the only thing that keeps the relationship going and keeps both parties stay connected to each other.

 

Much pun.

 

Emotional lovers are slowly fading away.

 

Faded with time, and their age withers along with it.

 

What's the point of having a moment that fills your hollow heart with lust and sensation that's temporary, and may come with a price to pay?

 

I guess I'll never understand this circle.

 

i'm totally with u on this. 

[azimuth]

8 hours ago, darkflame said:

The emotional connection behind penetration is much more important.

Like when you are inside someone or someone is inside you, the powerful connection of 'joining as one' beats the purely physical 'fucking'.

 

If fucking was all it was, we would have been satisfied completely by dildos and pocket holes.

 

Unfortunately, this does not happen all the time. Most people prefer quick fixes in saunas or via smartphone apps these days.

[yuquidam]

. 

Edited July 19, 2020 by yuquidam

[lovehandle]

The circle is real and realistic, made up of real people who may just wants it fast as Azimuth commented or dream-makers who fantasize probably like Darkflame (pls don't flame me pls)

This is the reality , sadly

And looks have to come first before sex/penetration etc can happen

[yoyo74]

Coming from a person who abstain from anal sex, my answer is definately no. To me emotional feeling from how a person treat me is much more important. I have ask many of my friends about it. Many think that penetration is a must but i also found several people like me who dislike penetration although some will still give in if the other partner insist on it. I am the few rare ones who wont give in to such things lol

[Guest]

On Wednesday, February 03, 2016 at 10:18 PM, yoyo74 said:

Coming from a person who abstain from anal sex, my answer is definately no. To me emotional feeling from how a person treat me is much more important. I have ask many of my friends about it. Many think that penetration is a must but i also found several people like me who dislike penetration although some will still give in if the other partner insist on it. I am the few rare ones who wont give in to such things lol

U should say that you are very selfish type that only love yourself, that's why your love never last long, else he also will sex with others behind your back / bed

[yoyo74]

1 minute ago, Guest said:

U should say that you are very selfish type that only love yourself, that's why your love never last long, else he also will sex with others behind your back / bed

Abstaining from anal sex does not mean one is selfish and love oneself. Its a personal preference other needs to respect it. Anyone wants to go closer with me in relationship knows this immediately and will know what to expect in the future. Love will last as long as both party is agreeable to each other own preference. As for sex behind back, its the other person preference and i dont see it needed to be done behind back.

[Guest]

Penetration is not a must for me too. I prefer intimate foreplay to penetration.

[Carpenter]

Will we come to a conclusion that even though emotional between partners are important when it comes to sex, penetration become option. One could say fingering or using dildo is enough, others prefer the 'real' meat, it shows that they are connected in one body 'spiritually' n 'mentally' n 'physically'.

 

Here's a question regarding not liking penetration but become a self proclaim bottom: "what makes u said u r a bottom? In what sense?"

[Guest Glyph]

16 hours ago, azimuth said:

 

On 2/3/2016 at 1:51 PM, darkflame said:

The emotional connection behind penetration is much more important.

Like when you are inside someone or someone is inside you, the powerful connection of 'joining as one' beats the purely physical 'fucking'.

 

If fucking was all it was, we would have been satisfied completely by dildos and pocket holes.

 

Unfortunately, this does not happen all the time. Most people prefer quick fixes in saunas or via smartphone apps these days.

 

Far from it. This happens, if not all, 99% of the time. Sex is an emotional need. The fact that one patronises a sauna or attempts to look for a partner on apps instead of relying on his own hands already proves this. Even more so when those who seek casual sex don't simply make do with any tom, dick, or harry, but with one that holds the traits of an ideal partner.

[Carpenter]

45 minutes ago, hannibalism said:

not to me. i think you can be intimate in so many other ways that is less troublesome... maybe it's the sloth in me talking.

Well yea, I mean if you have a loving partner n someone that you love, everything you do could be intimate. In this case, sex is more of a private things n too intimate for everyone to see. So ts ask if penetration in sex is necessary to achieve that intimacy, that feeling of oneness with your partners

[Carpenter]

3 minutes ago, hannibalism said:

or is it possible that we have come to associate sex with emotional fulfillment? mistake the physical urges for something more?

You could say that, some people just look for sex just for the sake of fucking. Because it's good, sometimes far better than using own hands. It's both physical need n emotional need, one can just do it for the physicality. It's like smoking.

[HydroNaut]

The ironic part is... I need SEX, but i dun want my partner to love me solely for SEX.

[Arm Show]

I love sex. I love getting fucked. But sometime skillful helping hands of someone to jerk me off can be more pleasurable than a hungry cock of someone who only knows how to penetrate hole but doesn't know how to treat his bottom right. So my answer is 'not always'.

[Guest Glyph]

1 hour ago, hannibalism said:

or is it possible that we have come to associate sex with emotional fulfillment? mistake the physical urges for something more?

 

it really depends on what you mean by sex. it can be anywhere between just cold, hard fucking to the epitome of passionate love. it's a base source of both physical pleasure and affection, the latter naturally fulfilling one of our emotional needs whether we consciously realise it or not. btw, not trying to say that penetration is of any importance when it comes to emotional connections, it obviously isn't.