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Bangkok ( Thailand ) - Massage / Sauna Compiled)


GachiMuchi

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Guest Marco

I will be in Bangkok from 17Aug2014 to 21Aug2014.

 

Staying at Sofitel So Bangkok.

 

Any guys wanna meet up can drop me a message at LINE (ID: marcotan_sg).

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Guest Water Jar

My buddy & I visited Yunomori Onsen yesterday. Very funny atmosphere with totally naked guys bathing & soaking in pools. Some tried to cover their privates with the tiny towel but it doesn't cover much.

Most of the guys are unerected with thick bushy pubes. Good self control! :-)

Very relaxed setting & yet cruisy at the same time.

We didn't try the massage. Anyone tried? Any good & happy feelings at the end?

We should have an onsen like this in SG!

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My buddy & I visited Yunomori Onsen yesterday. Very funny atmosphere with totally naked guys bathing & soaking in pools. Some tried to cover their privates with the tiny towel but it doesn't cover much.

Most of the guys are unerected with thick bushy pubes. Good self control! :-)

Very relaxed setting & yet cruisy at the same time.

We didn't try the massage. Anyone tried? Any good & happy feelings at the end?

We should have an onsen like this in SG!

 

Yes Yunomori is THE place to visit if you want this straight place feeling with a lot of silent cruising and sexual tension lol. Of course you can't do anything there but you can always "da bao"  :)

 

I tried the massage, nothing special, nothing to remember.... I would pass.

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Guest Gaysia

Yes Yunomori is THE place to visit if you want this straight place feeling with a lot of silent cruising and sexual tension lol. Of course you can't do anything there but you can always "da bao" :)

I tried the massage, nothing special, nothing to remember.... I would pass.

Gay silent cruising , gay sexual tension ?

What are the type of guys there ?

Are Massages are done by male masseurs ?

THanks !!

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Gay silent cruising , gay sexual tension ?

What are the type of guys there ?

Are Massages are done by male masseurs ?

THanks !!

 

Yeah, you're in a straight venue. Yunomori is NOT a gay place. It's a Japanese onsen, so there is one side for men, one side for the ladies.

 

Everyone is butt naked inside, you just walk around from one pool to another to the showers to the sauna to the steam room with your small towel (same as those given out at Japanese, Korean or Taiwanese hot springs).

 

All types of age and shapes. You even get fathers who bring their kids.

 

The cruising takes place with the eyes lah. I mean, everybody is soaking but you can see those who are constantly looking at other guys... following them with their eyes. Nothing can be done and please, don't try anything there, you would just make us look like pervs in public places... Just enjoy the baths and the eye candy. If you really like someone, nothing stops you from starting a small talk with him. I saw a few doing that.

 

There is already a sign saying "all misconduct will be reported blablabla" so I'm sure there have been complaints already.

 

Massages are done by male and female. I did it once and got an uncle. Massage was ok, no hanky panky of course.

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Guest soleus

Being adventurous, i went to Yunomori on Soi 24/26 after alighting from E5 Phrom Phong BTS station. Got to take the bike for Baht30. Indeed Enelym was right, the signs says no hanky panky so i just soaked & watched last night. Not that crowded but enough cocks to see. Some old & some young but all flaccid. haha. That's a straight world. Pitifully, nothing done. :blink:

 

As i'm still feeling somewhat high & walking back to BTS, I took out the GB guide to see the nearest men's spa which is Waternest, at Soi 39, just opp side of the BTS station of the main Suhkumvit Road. it"s a happy discovery.

One thing good is the streets are even nos. on one side & odd nos. on the other.

 

I arrived at 9 pm & good that they are open, i choose S amongst the selection. He sure knows whats pleasurable. Nice & thorough proper spa service with a more than HE, of course. Waternest ambience was soothing spa-like & lighting was enhanced. I like it here! :thumb: At the lobby waiting for payment, I saw 2 more Sg/M'sians as i can hear from their accents discussing about what they did. lol. Be prepared to bring enough bahts as they dont have VIsa. Try S - i recommend. ;)

 

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Being adventurous, i went to Yunomori on Soi 24/26 after alighting from E5 Phrom Phong BTS station. Got to take the bike for Baht30. Indeed Enelym was right, the signs says no hanky panky so i just soaked & watched last night. Not that crowded but enough cocks to see. Some old & some young but all flaccid. haha. That's a straight world. Pitifully, nothing done. :blink:

 

As i'm still feeling somewhat high & walking back to BTS, I took out the GB guide to see the nearest men's spa which is Waternest, at Soi 39, just opp side of the BTS station of the main Suhkumvit Road. it"s a happy discovery.

One thing good is the streets are even nos. on one side & odd nos. on the other.

 

I arrived at 9 pm & good that they are open, i choose S amongst the selection. He sure knows whats pleasurable. Nice & thorough proper spa service with a more than HE, of course. Waternest ambience was soothing spa-like & lighting was enhanced. I like it here! :thumb: At the lobby waiting for payment, I saw 2 more Sg/M'sians as i can hear from their accents discussing about what they did. lol. Be prepared to bring enough bahts as they dont have VIsa. Try S - i recommend. ;)

 

LOL< I went to try Waternest as well. But the other way round: Waternest around 4PM before taking a motorbike-taxi to Yunomori. I had to call them as the indications on their Facebook page were a bit off... I took So, as well, cute and friendly with good English.

Don't forget that they ask for minimum tips.... 700 for single service, 800 for double service, which is what I took: scrub + massage for 95 min. So I paid 680 for the scrub + 730 for the massage = 1410.

 

Then they gave me some kind of a voucher for next time, 499 for 60min massage.

 

Ambiance is nice yes and they put me in this room on the top floor, really big and well decorated for Bangkok. Not like those iffy places like Senso or even Hero.

 

For Yunomori, I would really recommend heading there at around 5 PM and stay till 9 or even 10PM lol. They have food and stuff there.

Edited by Enelym1978
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Guest Gaysia

LOL< I went to try Waternest as well. But the other way round: Waternest around 4PM before taking a motorbike-taxi to Yunomori. I had to call them as the indications on their Facebook page were a bit off... I took So, as well, cute and friendly with good English.

Don't forget that they ask for minimum tips.... 700 for single service, 800 for double service, which is what I took: scrub + massage for 95 min. So I paid 680 for the scrub + 730 for the massage = 1410.

Then they gave me some kind of a voucher for next time, 499 for 60min massage.

Ambiance is nice yes and they put me in this room on the top floor, really big and well decorated for Bangkok. Not like those iffy places like Senso or even Hero.

For Yunomori, I would really recommend heading there at around 5 PM and stay till 9 or even 10PM lol. They have food and stuff there.

Thanks for yunomori tip

At waternest , was masseur naked and with HE included ?

I assume the tips are paid at the counter

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Thanks for yunomori tip

At waternest , was masseur naked and with HE included ?

I assume the tips are paid at the counter

 

For Waternest, yes, he got naked during the scrub so not sure how it works if you only get the massage.

HE is include because the tips are mandatory.... it's the only downside to Waternest... I would rather enjoy a sensual massage then decide whether to get HE or not and then tip accordingly... I don't like that they force you to tip... even though 700 is lower than the "usual" 1000 (or even 1200 at Senso) minimum tips for "services" at other massage salons...

 

Tips are given directly to the masseur and it's better to do it downstairs in front of the staff so that there is no arguing. But you could also give them upstairs in the room I guess. You pay at the end, cash only but they issue a receipt, again, that's rare for this kind of places.

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Guest Bangkok Fan

Does the masseur at Waternest do B2B? Plus HE? And if more than B2B & HE, what more do they do?

How's the build of the masseurs at Waternest? Hunky like Hero? Reading from the postings, I note that there's a S and another called D. Anyone tried these two? Or the others? Any field trip reviews by any one else? Please share.

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Just went this afternoon to the new R3 Sauna for a quick visit.

It's right behind Tesco on Phra Rama 9, pretty easy to find on their website. Here is their promo for August and September; 80 Baht entry if you send them a message with a Line ID. Event/Promotion --this link will also lead you to directions, pictures of the place (very helpful, the map is a bit confusing, I was a block down and lost for a while), prices, etc. 
It's a pretty nice/ new place, and they definitely spent some money on it. It's not as fancy as Chakran or Babylon when they opened, but still pretty nice. Weird layout that requires lots of up and down various stairs to go anywhere. 
There is a customer "counter' on their website that is likely fake, since it said that already 350 people had entered today; at 415pm when I entered there were about 30-35 people there.... but anyway, the crowd was varied, with plenty of guys in their 20s and 30s, and a few in their 40s. I was the only farang there but did feel welcome; I really like that their website has Thai, English, Japanese, and Chinese. 
And I also felt welcome because within an hour I'd already sucked off a 30yo guy with a great body, and then two guys pulled me into a room and spit-roasted me till all 3 of us came. biggrin.gif 
So a good time was had by all.
I don't want to say that every foreigner here will have fun like that, I don't like it when older/out of shape farang in Thailand don't get laid they blame it on the sauna/bar being "sticky rice". I have found that lots of Thai guys are interested in me since I've gotten in better shape--not just because I'm white. But YMMV. 

But just FYI I'm 45yo, white, told I look younger (but who's told they look older?), in good shape, etc. So if you're a guy in your 40s or younger who's in good or great shape, you'll likely have fun.

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I still find babylon better due to the sheer number of visitors an the tension. R3 is ok but then somehow, the visitors are quite shy and not much action. It has a great dry sauna but no one inside. It's not very conducive to cruise. The layout is also quite weird due to the sheer amount of stairs to climb when you are looking for guys. I think babylon still the best.

Babylon was crowded yesterday and I met this guy whom I met last year at the same place, same spot and also on a Sunday. Was trying my luck and saw him again but then, we only had a few mins of peace before hands started to grab both of us and he left.

Babylon is fun because of the "international" visitors and chatted with a few interesting visitors, some of them "first time in sauna".

The trick babylon is to visit early on weekend as many good quality ones would leave by 7 for dinner. Peak is 5-7pm.

For the Onsen, if you want massage, please book in advance. Called on the day and was told massage only at 9pm. I guess I will have to visit this only on my next trip.

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Guest fit uncle

Just went this afternoon to the new R3 Sauna for a quick visit.

It's right behind Tesco on Phra Rama 9, pretty easy to find on their website. Here is their promo for August and September; 80 Baht entry if you send them a message with a Line ID. Event/Promotion --this link will also lead you to directions, pictures of the place (very helpful, the map is a bit confusing, I was a block down and lost for a while), prices, etc.

It's a pretty nice/ new place, and they definitely spent some money on it. It's not as fancy as Chakran or Babylon when they opened, but still pretty nice. Weird layout that requires lots of up and down various stairs to go anywhere.

There is a customer "counter' on their website that is likely fake, since it said that already 350 people had entered today; at 415pm when I entered there were about 30-35 people there.... but anyway, the crowd was varied, with plenty of guys in their 20s and 30s, and a few in their 40s. I was the only farang there but did feel welcome; I really like that their website has Thai, English, Japanese, and Chinese.

And I also felt welcome because within an hour I'd already sucked off a 30yo guy with a great body, and then two guys pulled me into a room and spit-roasted me till all 3 of us came. biggrin.gif

So a good time was had by all.

I don't want to say that every foreigner here will have fun like that, I don't like it when older/out of shape farang in Thailand don't get laid they blame it on the sauna/bar being "sticky rice". I have found that lots of Thai guys are interested in me since I've gotten in better shape--not just because I'm white. But YMMV.

But just FYI I'm 45yo, white, told I look younger (but who's told they look older?), in good shape, etc. So if you're a guy in your 40s or younger who's in good or great shape, you'll likely have fun.

It also works in reverse. Nowadays more older farangs would cruise older Asians who are in shape. I constantly get hit upon by older farangs at Babylon. The big difference is that they always do it very very discreetly like touching my hand under the water at the jacuzzi, or following me into the steam room. Unlike when they cruise younger guys very obviously and openly by going straight up to them. Sometimes I wonder if I am choice of last resort :lol: . It is like they are almost afraid that others would know they like an older Asian daddy and that is a big No No taboo for daddy incest :lol:

But then I got hit upon by young Asians also. Now I wonder if they are moneyboys :lol:

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Guest Not fit asian

It also works in reverse. Nowadays more older farangs would cruise older Asians who are in shape. I constantly get hit upon by older farangs at Babylon. The big difference is that they always do it very very discreetly like touching my hand under the water at the jacuzzi, or following me into the steam room. Unlike when they cruise younger guys very obviously and openly by going straight up to them. Sometimes I wonder if I am choice of last resort :lol: . It is like they are almost afraid that others would know they like an older Asian daddy and that is a big No No taboo for daddy incest :lol:

But then I got hit upon by young Asians also. Now I wonder if they are moneyboys :lol:

And the older white farangs are NOT IN SHAPE ? And they cruise fit older Asians ?

And follow you and touch you etc .....you're talking as if the white farangs are some kind of king who can do as they wish ..who will choose the best when they are like gross ? Don't think too highly of them la !

Sorry maybe in your world , not for many others ? Have some self respect .

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Babylon is more for Caucasians unless there is special events. Crowd is generally older as well.  International Asian crowd normally go to Sauna mania and the declining Chakran. For more local Thais, saunas like underground 39 and

muffil sauna.

 

Sauna Mania is also my preferred place for hot quick sex.  Babylon is my preferred sauna for a long nice afternoon.  Although I am Caucasian,  I had some good fun at the local saunas Dejavu and Cruising on their events. 

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And the older white farangs are NOT IN SHAPE ? And they cruise fit older Asians ?

And follow you and touch you etc .....you're talking as if the white farangs are some kind of king who can do as they wish ..who will choose the best when they are like gross ? Don't think too highly of them la !

Sorry maybe in your world , not for many others ? Have some self respect .

 

If you are an "Not fit asian",  this does not mean that all old Caucasians are "Not fit caucasian".   Please don't be such a racist.

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Guest fit uncle

And the older white farangs are NOT IN SHAPE ? And they cruise fit older Asians ?

And follow you and touch you etc .....you're talking as if the white farangs are some kind of king who can do as they wish ..who will choose the best when they are like gross ? Don't think too highly of them la !

Sorry maybe in your world , not for many others ? Have some self respect .

woh why the over-reaction?

I didn't say ALL farangs, only some. Anyway, I am not pleased with the way they seem ashamed to be cruising me openly like it is some taboo uncle incest hence I always ignored them and pretended nothing happened.

Typical example was this slim older farang who touched my foot with his under the jacuzzi water. Then he pretended to look away from me. If I smile back or initiate visible contact then those Thais around who were visibly cruising him would think that I was the one cruising him and I'm their competitor. So I ignored him thinking maybe it really was accidental. But it happened a few times yet each time he looked away :lol: I also looked away until eventually he gave up and left.

Then another farang followed me into the steam room. I stood by the bright part, he waited. When I check out the dark interior he followed and brushed against me and touched my hand. I walked out back to the bright part, he followed but stayed a distance from me and not even dare to look at me :lol: I looked away until he gave up and left.

Maybe uncle incest is taboo and real? :lol:

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Guest Not fit asian

If you are an "Not fit asian", this does not mean that all old Caucasians are "Not fit caucasian". Please don't be such a racist.

Perhaps you're the racist one here.

Where is the racism in my earlier post ?

You should read and fully understand my post before going around and calling people racist .

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Guest Not fit asian

woh why the over-reaction?

I didn't say ALL farangs, only some. Anyway, I am not pleased with the way they seem ashamed to be cruising me openly like it is some taboo uncle incest hence I always ignored them and pretended nothing happened.

Typical example was this slim older farang who touched my foot with his under the jacuzzi water. Then he pretended to look away from me. If I smile back or initiate visible contact then those Thais around who were visibly cruising him would think that I was the one cruising him and I'm their competitor. So I ignored him thinking maybe it really was accidental. But it happened a few times yet each time he looked away :lol: I also looked away until eventually he gave up and left.

Then another farang followed me into the steam room. I stood by the bright part, he waited. When I check out the dark interior he followed and brushed against me and touched my hand. I walked out back to the bright part, he followed but stayed a distance from me and not even dare to look at me :lol: I looked away until he gave up and left.

Maybe uncle incest is taboo and real? :lol:

True true , the overreaction a bit ... But not by much what ...

I think you understand my point about fat n gross Caucasian and thinking they are in a position to choose any asian they want .

In Thailand I was told the ..so called more "atas" segment of Thai society won't be seen dead being with a white farang for fear of being labelled a bar or money boy ...such is the level of disgust and the sad state of affairs in Thailand .

As for you , mr fit asian guy , you're in an enviable position of picking and choosing ...if you like you go for it , if you don't like , ignore it ...white or whatever ...but if some play play such games ...like looking away ...ild be totally put off in the first place ...

Enjoy la!!!

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Perhaps you're the racist one here.

Where is the racism in my earlier post ?

You should read and fully understand my post before going around and calling people racist .

 

I'm sorry if I misunderstood you.  I simply judged you as strongly opinionated based on "Caucasian" versus "Asian".

 

It is well known that Americans  (with some majority of Caucasians) is the country with the fattest people!  But I recently read that CHINA  (with mostly Asians)  is the SECOND in fattest people.  Big surprise!  I always thought that China is full of nice slim Chinese who eat mostly rice with some soy for protein.  What a disappointment.  Now my plans for visiting Beijing are discouraged twice,  once for the pollution, and once for my lack of attraction to obese people.

 

I sincerely wish that, even if you don't consider yourself fit,  you are not obese.

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Guest Not fit asian

I'm sorry if I misunderstood you. I simply judged you as strongly opinionated based on "Caucasian" versus "Asian".

It is well known that Americans (with some majority of Caucasians) is the country with the fattest people! But I recently read that CHINA (with mostly Asians) is the SECOND in fattest people. Big surprise! I always thought that China is full of nice slim Chinese who eat mostly rice with some soy for protein. What a disappointment. Now my plans for visiting Beijing are discouraged twice, once for the pollution, and once for my lack of attraction to obese people.

I sincerely wish that, even if you don't consider yourself fit, you are not obese.

Please , don't be discouraged ! just dont come to Beijing ! , your type is not particularly welcomed

Err... Sounds like you're not only some white Racist Bigot who can't get over an objective observation by someone ( who happen to be asian or probably as because he's asian ! ) ..BUT ALSO racially profile people ( Asians / chinese as " nice slim " ) and against obese people ... You've got serious hand ups my friend !

Besides , what you read about the chinese being the second fattest , sorry la, you'ld be advised to seek a wider and more authoritative source of information .

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Please , don't be discouraged ! just dont come to Beijing ! , your type is not particularly welcomed

Err... Sounds like you're not only some white Racist Bigot who can't get over an objective observation by someone ( who happen to be asian or probably as because he's asian ! ) ..BUT ALSO racially profile people ( Asians / chinese as " nice slim " ) and against obese people ... You've got serious hand ups my friend !

Besides , what you read about the chinese being the second fattest , sorry la, you'ld be advised to seek a wider and more authoritative source of information .

 

Oh,  you have such a nice way to talk to someone!  No wonder everybody must be chasing you!

 

By the way,  your "observation" was nothing objective but a stinky piece of racist trash:

 

" ..you're talking as if the white farangs are some kind of king who can do as they wish ..who will choose the best when they are like gross ? Don't think too highly of them la ! "

 

Me and all other "white farangs"  we are called GROSS by you,  and "Don't thing too highly of them la".   Well, little piece of non-fit la-la-la...  YOU are not only a RACIST but a BIGOT. 

 

You are insulting and demeaning.  I have never been.  I called Chinese guys "nice slim",  but lamented that so many are obese now.  My source of information is correct, and you are an ignorant.

 

GET A LIFE!  Don't criticize others, seeing the speckle in their eyes but not the log in yours.

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Guest wozzit

what you read about the chinese being the second fattest , sorry la, you'ld be advised to seek a wider and more authoritative source of information .

 

Calm down guys! I have visited China dozens of times and have rarely seen obese guys. But what Steve5380 is true, for I also read it in the Wall Street Journal. The information it prints comes from studies in The Lancet, one of the most respected medical journals in the world.

 

China’s getting fatter and it’s weighing down the future of its children.

The country is now No. 2 for obesity, with its number of obese residents outstripped only by the U.S. Its obesity rate has skyrocketed over the last three decades, resulting in 46 million obese Chinese adults and 300 million who are overweight, according to a study by the University of Washington’s Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation.

Published in the medical journal The Lancet, the study analyzed weight trends in 188 countries and found that more than 28% of Chinese adult men and 27% of the country’s adult women are overweight or obese.

The study defined overweight as having a weight-to-height ratio, or Body Mass Index, that is equal to or greater than 25. Obesity was defined as having a BMI of 30 or greater.

http://blogs.wsj.com/chinarealtime/2014/05/29/as-obesity-rises-chinese-kids-are-almost-as-fat-as-americans/

 

Not surprisingly, Americans are the most obese in the world.

Edited by wozzit
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Guest Not fit asian

Oh, you have such a nice way to talk to someone! No wonder everybody must be chasing you!

By the way, your "observation" was nothing objective but a stinky piece of racist trash:

" ..you're talking as if the white farangs are some kind of king who can do as they wish ..who will choose the best when they are like gross ? Don't think too highly of them la ! "

Me and all other "white farangs" we are called GROSS by you, and "Don't thing too highly of them la". Well, little piece of non-fit la-la-la... YOU are not only a RACIST but a BIGOT.

You are insulting and demeaning. I have never been. I called Chinese guys "nice slim", but lamented that so many are obese now. My source of information is correct, and you are an ignorant.

GET A LIFE! Don't criticize others, seeing the speckle in their eyes but not the log in yours.

Sorry if you thought I was talking to you in a "nice" way . I wasn't .

Your repeated out of control outbursts and unreasonable arrogant retorts is frankly pathetic and you ought to leave Asia. Your kind is not welcomed. ... And seek immediate therapy before you harm some poor nice & fit unassuming guy .

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Sorry if you thought I was talking to you in a "nice" way . I wasn't .

Your repeated out of control outbursts and unreasonable arrogant retorts is frankly pathetic and you ought to leave Asia. Your kind is not welcomed. ... And seek immediate therapy before you harm some poor nice & fit unassuming guy .

 

"Not fit asian" and "Not nice either":   I never thought that you are a nice guy.  I tried to be polite and very calmly reply to your unreasonable arrogant and frankly pathetic retorts.

 

And I don't lose my calm because of you.  Are YOU the "poor nice & fit unassuming guy"?  Thanks for the chuckle!  :D  :lol:  :yuk: 

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Calm down guys! I have visited China dozens of times and have rarely seen obese guys. But what Steve5380 is true, for I also read it in the Wall Street Journal. The information it prints comes from studies in The Lancet, one of the most respected medical journals in the world.

 

http://blogs.wsj.com/chinarealtime/2014/05/29/as-obesity-rises-chinese-kids-are-almost-as-fat-as-americans/

 

Not surprisingly, Americans are the most obese in the world.

 

It is so unfortunate that eating habits originated in the US and now common throughout the globe cause such destruction of beauty.  I think that Asians have the genetic predisposition to be attractive,  yet they need to gain some force of will to stay away from junk food.   Even if I feel that some responsibility falls on the US,  it is the fat Chinese who chooses to indulge in gluttony.

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Any more review on R3 sauna? Thinking of going this coming friday but not sure if the crowd has picked up.

 

I have read some good reviews of R3.  Please give us your opinion too.  I will give it a try when I have a chance.

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Guest Not fit asian

It is so unfortunate that eating habits originated in the US and now common throughout the globe cause such destruction of beauty. I think that Asians have the genetic predisposition to be attractive, yet they need to gain some force of will to stay away from junk food. Even if I feel that some responsibility falls on the US, it is the fat Chinese who chooses to indulge in gluttony.

Calm down guys! I have visited China dozens of times and have rarely seen obese guys. But what Steve5380 is true, for I also read it in the Wall Street Journal. The information it prints comes from studies in The Lancet, one of the most respected medical journals in the world.

http://blogs.wsj.com/chinarealtime/2014/05/29/as-obesity-rises-chinese-kids-are-almost-as-fat-as-americans/

Not surprisingly, Americans are the most obese in the world.

Well The Lancet is certainly respected but is also have been known to err ....

The Walk Street Journal of which ever edition is a Murdoch publication now ....what ever that implies .

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Guest Not fit asian

It is so unfortunate that eating habits originated in the US and now common throughout the globe cause such destruction of beauty. I think that Asians have the genetic predisposition to be attractive, yet they need to gain some force of will to stay away from junk food. Even if I feel that some responsibility falls on the US, it is the fat Chinese who chooses to indulge in gluttony.

Not only are you a racist and arrogant , you're are a patronizing bigot too . A person of many unsavoury traits indeed .

Poor you !

But back to topic now .....

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Not only are you a racist and arrogant , you're are a patronizing bigot too . A person of many unsavoury traits indeed .

Poor you !

But back to topic now .....

 

Nor-fit-asian  and Not-nice-asian,

 

Please stop writing nonsense and crawl back into the woodwork.

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