Inside The Dark, Dangerous World of Chemsex + Online App Chem Sex Dangers + BBC Report On Chem Sex + I am hooked and don't know how to quit (Compiled)

[Guest guest]

if u keep in touch with him yr number will be trace by  officer once he is arrested and u will be involve to have coffee at the police station.. Worst yr flat might also be  check too.

[winking.rabbit]

A lot of fear mongering in here...

 

As long as he knows what he's doing (which, from your post, it sounds like he is), and is taking them in moderation, the harmful effects should be quite limited. If he is doing it of his own free will, and is willing to assume the risks of doing so, then I don't see why you should stop him.

 

Further, I'd argue that what he's doing is less damaging to the people around him as compared to smoking, which results in nearby people having to contend with second-hand and third-hand smoke.

 

For the record, I don't use recreational drugs.

Edited November 1, 2016 by winking.rabbit

[wilfgene]

2 hours ago, winking.rabbit said:

A lot of fear mongering in here...

Further, I'd argue that what he's doing is less damaging to the people around him as compared to smoking, which results in nearby people having to contend with second-hand and third-hand smoke.

The catch is the side-effect of modern synthetic drugs and the toll on society.  Especially the possible outcome of a drug induced handicap or even coma.  Euthanasia is highly recommended.

On a personal/individual level, the extra expenditure.  Great grand-father squandered the entire family fortune on opium for himself, not the mass. 

[Guest Concerned]

4 hours ago, Guest guest said:

if u keep in touch with him yr number will be trace by  officer once he is arrested and u will be involve to have coffee at the police station.. Worst yr flat might also be  check too.

 

It's possible.. it seems like I better stay out of his affairs to avoid unnecessary trouble. 

 

 

1 hour ago, wilfgene said:

The catch is the side-effect of modern synthetic drugs and the toll on society.  Especially the possible outcome of a drug induced handicap or even coma.  Euthanasia is highly recommended.

On a personal/individual level, the extra expenditure.  Great grand-father squandered the entire family fortune on opium for himself, not the mass. 

 

I agree. He's not exactly well off.. I worry that he would resort to illegal means of getting the income to supply his needs. 

[LFM]

on you part, can help by facilitating .. with easy to find/access info on effects/treatment of such 

 

https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/medical-consequences-drug-abuse/neurological-effects

http://nasingapore.org/index.htm

http://www.storiesofrecovery.org.uk/

http://www.sana.org.sg/newsroom/success-stories/

 

[LFM]

we help those we want to help, by empowering them to help themselves, then bud out

 

empoweringadjective

 UK  /ɪmˈpaʊə.rɪŋ/ US  /-ˈpaʊr.ɪŋ/

 

Something that is empowering makes you more confident and makes you feel that you are in control of your life:

For me, learning to drive was an empowering experience.

[Oogachagacare]

On 01/11/2016 at 1:06 AM, Guest Concerned said:

Hi guys,

 

I need your suggestions or resources to help my friend I just met online to snap out of the "<<No Drugs Posting>>" circle... he's quite young, in 20s and yet so well versed in using drugs (and chemistry behind them!). During our first meeting for coffee, he was very nice and honest with me when he shared that he used recreational drugs. He appeared to be very sweet that I felt comfortable to talk to him about anything without being judged. I was quite curious about his knowledge and experience with it, so I asked more about it. Be mindful that I am a bit older than him yet I know nothing about chem sex. The more I learn, the more appalled I was. And I wished I didn't ask about it. I usually prefer to stay away from those kind of people for my own safety. Just that he didn't reveal his secret until our first meeting. I think he revealed to me because he felt comfortable talking to me. 

 

I fear for his health and personal security due to his young age. He's still young and healthy and has much more useful things to do in life than destructing himself. Also I do not wish for him to be arrested or be at mercy of drug lords. I'm still in touch with him, trying to encourage him to break off his drug addiction.

 

So guys, please advise me how to help him... should i refer him to the appropriate counseling helplines? Which one? Or would it be better for me to stay away from him and mind my own business? So sad for him.

 

hello OP,

 

It's not easy to be in the situation you're in right now with your friend - on the one hand, you want to gain his trust, on the other hand, you are really concerned about his health & safety.

 

Chemsex is sadly becoming a reality among some (not all) gay & bisexual men here in Singapore - even despite our country's strict laws on illegal drug use. We seem to be following the trend of gay male communities in other urban centres, eg: Sydney, London, Hong Kong, Taipei & Bangkok.

 

The Telegraph: Chemsex - The alarming new trend of 72 hour drug-fuelled sex sessions

 

BBC News: The tragedy that chemsex can cause

 

Descent into prison hell - a former drug addict speaks

 

From our experience of counselling clients who are using recreational drugs & other illegal substances, usually there may be other underlying issues too, eg: identity, relationships, family, mental health, work,  etc..... I wonder how your friend is coping with other things going on in his life? How does he see himself, as a gay man & as a person?

 

If he feels ready  to get some LGBTQ-friendly support from us, you can connect him to Oogachaga. Our service & contact info are listed in our signature below. All our services are strictly confidential.

 

Meantime, take care!

Oogachaga

 

[condemned]

Hi! I have tried looking for articles which inform everyone else what <<No Drugs Posting>> is, what drugs are use and how they can be harmful to the body. 

Could anyone explain how the following drugs make you feel during a sex session and how they're harmful to your body? 

 

1. Ice

2. Poppers

3. G water

 

(feel free to add more common drugs used cause that's all I've heard about) 

 

would apprecite everyone's help in this. I think it's a very important topic and I hope the moderator can edit this post with better English and pin it! Thank you! 

[yoyo74]

Just google lol. Below is those illegal drugs listed, how its use and its effects

http://www.centeronaddiction.org/addiction/commonly-used-illegal-drugs

[GachiMuchi]

Inside The Dark, Dangerous World of Chemsex

When Stephen Port was convicted last week of the rape, drugging, and murder of four young men, police began to look again at dozens more cases involving date-rape drugs. But an investigation by BuzzFeed News into the hidden world of “chemsex” reveals, through unprecedented first person testimony, that this is just the beginning.
Patrick Strudwick

BuzzFeed UK LGBT Editor

A young man stands at the edge of the Manchester ship canal. He steps forward, and in. The water, tepid from summer, rises up his shins, thighs. He begins to wade. He wants to vanish. Now he is up to his waist.

It is early afternoon at the end of August this year, days after another man injected him with seven times the dose of crystal methamphetamine he had agreed to take. Days after psychosis set in.

Minutes elapse. Two passers-by stop, spotting the unnatural sight. What are you doing? Do you need help? There is no response. They stretch out, clasping his arm and yanking him back to the path. The next day a psychiatric unit admits him – another young man, splintered from reality.

Three months later, and hundreds of miles away, I sit on his bed in London facing him. His name is Rob. He is handsome, smartly dressed, educated.

I want to know how he got there, and how so many more like him fall out of the world most of us recognise and into a hell most know nothing about, a glimpse of which recently reached the front pages.

The glimpse came from the trial of Stephen Port, last week convicted of the rape, overdosing, and murder of four young men – a serial killer whose weapons were the drugs used to heighten sex and, for a minority, to enact the worst of crimes.

Police will now re-examine the deaths of 58 other people from the drug GHB over the last few years. The question this raises is: What have they been missing?

Throughout the reports of the trial one word recurred again and again: chemsex. Uttered in increasingly wide circles, the term refers to men having sex with each other while imbibing, inhaling, or injecting (“slamming”) three principal drugs: crystal methamphetamine (aka crystal, meth, Tina), GHB (aka G), and mephedrone.

Combining sex and drugs is nothing new, but this particular trinity of substances – and their unique effects – entwining over the last few years, along with the contexts in which they are being taken, have given rise to a secret world now spilling out into public spaces: police stations, hospitals, psychiatric wards.

Chemsex can involve two men together in private, or many more at clubs or, more commonly, house parties. The meetings are usually arranged through websites or hookup apps – which dealers also use to sell their drugs – bringing men together who do not know each other. Sessions frequently last many hours, often several days.

Inhibitions and defences evaporate.

Throughout 2015 and 2016, amid a series of conversations I had socially with gay and bisexual men about chemsex, new, darker elements to this scene began to emerge; details from unconnected participants that mirrored each other – the same incidents, the same crimes, sometimes even the same culprits. Together they formed a picture: that beneath the surface reports about chemsex – the endless hedonism, the irresistibly intense sex – there is a much blacker sea, unmapped.

Rebecca Hendin / BuzzFeed

And so, during the Port trial, I returned to some of those men and contacted others, to document their experiences of the hidden side of chemsex. This process triggers almost unbearable questions about what is happening.

They describe wide-scale and systematic sexual violence, the deliberate drugging of vulnerable teenagers, the coaxing of impoverished men into a cloaked world of prostitution, frequent mental breakdowns from meth-induced psychoses, overdose victims routinely left to slip into comas, and a pile-up of sudden deaths.

Rob knows of seven people who have died in the last five weeks. Anthony, another interviewee, says he knows of four in the last week. He has already lost a close friend who picked up what he thought was a glass of water and drank it. It was GHB. “They took him to hospital and six hours later he was dead. His internal organs shut down one by one.”

Other chemsex users spoke of witnessing horrors so frequently that they appear routine.

“I’ve seen guys that have been awake for five days, and the end of their fingers have gone blue because they’ve lost all circulation to their extremities, but they’re still trying to have sex,” says Glenn.

“I’ve seen guys with scars all over their shoulders because they were on crystal meth and they were convinced they had something under their skin; I’ve seen people with huge burns on their face where they’ve dropped a Tina pipe on their face; I’ve seen people so paranoid that they’re ripped their whole kitchen out looking for a camera. I’ve seen people almost sexually assaulted and the only reason they weren’t was because I stopped it.”

Almost no one is coming forward to report incidents to police. And most are not seeking help from services that treat substance abuse or tackle sexual exploitation.

Two men warn me not to look too deeply. There is, they say, the potential for retribution from those who benefit – and profit – from the silence.

It takes hours for Rob to build up to describing the events that led to his immersion in the canal. Before then he has other stories. He begins by talking about what happens when chemsex sessions derail, much of which clusters around one word: consent. This does not pertain only to sex.

“When someone meets someone for sex but with the intention to harm, overdosing them is one way of doing that,” he says. On several occasions, he adds, “I’ve been given more than I agreed to take. There isn’t much you can do.”

He describes men injecting more crystal meth into his arms than he wanted, or pressurising him to take higher doses of GHB – a pressure that becomes easier to exert when judgement is already skewed by the chemicals’ effects.

“The difficulty with chemsex is that there is a very fine line between having a great time and things going wrong,” he says.

Indeed, the drug GHB (gamma-Hydroxybutyric acid), which is an anaesthetic that depresses the central nervous system, producing effects similar to both alcohol and ecstasy, is notorious for the minuscule window it provides between intoxication and overdose.

The tiniest increase in dose can render a user unconscious, often for hours on end. Overdoses are frequently accidental, or self-administered. But because GHB comes either in liquid form or a powder, it is also easily slipped into someone’s glass.

With sex under way and the drugs hitting brain receptors, sexual boundaries can dissipate or, Rob says, be disregarded. Domination role-play, for example, can descend uncontrollably.

“I’ve let things happen for fear that if I didn’t…” he begins, widening his eyes to a glare to suggest the rest. “Strangulation is an obvious [example]. If you get gripped round the throat you start to think the worst: Is this going to be the one that kills you?”

On other occasions, what begins as standard slap ’n’ tickle has swerved beyond the agreed limits into punching, the pain of which is anaesthetised by the drugs.

“You don’t realise until you wake up the next morning and you’re black from head to foot on one side of your body,” he says. Rob talks a lot in the second person – you this, you that – when describing what has been done to him.

He thinks that some of the men who have administered overdoses to him – during which he has lost consciousness for hours – wanted him dead. A couple of them, he says, were angry and irritable when he woke up. He is only grateful that so far he has come round, and that on one occasion in 2011 he narrowly escaped the grips of Stephen Port.

“We spoke online, but on the day I was meant to go to Barking [where Port lived] there was something that told me ‘this is not a good idea,’ so I decided to cancel.’”

With other men he only realised their intentions during a session, when it was too late. “Some of the things they say will scare you. One said, ‘Would you like to be murdered while being fucked?’”

Rob performs an exaggerated smile at this, to soften his words, but it conjures a grimace. He sits stooped on his bed, shoulders and neck in a C shape, as the light above him yellows his face. He does not seem to connect with what he is saying.

There is, however, a palpable frustration in him, that despite the danger, he feels unable to stop. He cannot enjoy vanilla sex, he says, and needs the drugs to disinhibit him. There is a sweet, shy geekiness to him, as well as a passivity – his past is daubed with bullying and depression.

Rebecca Hendin / BuzzFeed

Rob describes a man he met at a chemsex party, for whom he climbed into a sling – a harness suspended from the ceiling – in order that the man could have sex with him. The man, he says, had brought a young guy with him from a date earlier that day that hadn’t worked out.

“They didn’t fancy each other, so his enjoyment was to fuck me as hard as he could while making this boy stand next to him watching him. He was doing it to punish him, as if to say, ‘You could have got this but you weren’t good enough.’ I didn’t like the fact he was taunting him by using me. I wanted to get out,” he says.

There was another element to the scenario: verbal abuse, centred around the suggestion that the sex would make Rob HIV-positive. “He said, ‘I want you to be my poz bitch. You’ll never forget being pozzed up by me.’”

Young and inexperienced, Rob did not feel able to say anything. “I was not going to cause a scene,” he says, but “I was moving about to try and get him to stop, to hint that this was enough.” He did something else, too, while lying in the sling, with several other partygoers just a few feet away.

“I was waving my hand at the side, to the others sitting, [as if to] say, ‘Can you get me out of the sling?’ Nobody came. I knew I was just going to have to take it.”

None of what Rob describes is alien to others I interviewed. Glenn, who is in his late twenties, has all the outward markings of self-assurance: big voice, extrovert, tall, muscular. He now does outreach work in clubs to inform gay and bisexual men about sexual health and chemsex.

“I was always very safe and always used condoms,” he says about the period when he discovered the chemsex scene. “And then I went to a guy’s house and he overdosed me on G and I woke up and he was fucking me. That’s the time I got HIV.”

He had other experiences involving overdoses. “I went to a party and someone, who was off his face, gave me this drink and it had god knows how much G – he wanted to make me off my face or didn’t measure it properly – and I woke up in hospital, in intensive care, three days later, with my parents crying.”

“I went to a guy’s house and he overdosed me on G and I woke up and he was fucking me. That’s the time I got HIV.”

Anthony, who is in his thirties, talks quickly, passionately, and desperately wants the chemsex scene to change – for people to be helped. He says a friend of his has had threesomes with a couple on chemsex drugs and describes “one boyfriend getting jealous and putting the other under [making him unconscious] so he could have sex with my friend”.

Everyone I spoke to referred to overdoses happening at parties and people around them doing nothing.

“It’s a common story,” says Kyle, crossed-legged on a sofa in north London. Mid-twenties, with clothes draped over thin limbs, he has the insouciant air of an art student. “Someone going under on G and the guy hosting the party being like, ‘Oh he’s fine, just leave him.’ Not like, ‘Call an ambulance.’”

Two years ago, the after-club private parties in east London he attended started modulating into chemsex orgies in the small hours.

“It got so normalised: ‘Oh, he’s gone under.’ Someone would [he rolls his head and eyes back, mimicking someone passing out] and people would laugh about it, which is really fucked up. The lack of empathy that these drugs give people – and gave me – that’s the scariest thing.”

Some who overdose aren’t even fortunate enough to be left alone at the party. “I’ve heard stories of guys being thrown out the flat into a bin outside and being left to die,” says Glenn, who, like Kyle, sees these incidents as symptomatic of the twisted, inhumane states into which these drugs whip people.

Crystal meth, in particular, is a powerful stimulant – a class A drug known for its capacity to remove not only inhibitions but also, in the frenzy of the high, human kindness, all while accelerating sexual desire, energy, and, often, aggression.

It is not surprising to those who have experienced this kind of bacchanal, that sexual violence frequently enters the room. But even when it occurs while someone is still conscious, a chemically altered state can distort perception and awareness of what is happening.

“At that point when sexual assault happens, because you feel happy – high on drugs – you don’t think about it as a sexual assault,” says Paul Doyle, who went from being on the chemsex scene to setting up – as a drugs worker – Britain’s first residential chemsex unit. “So then a few days later it might start kicking in.”

At that stage, however, denial can kick back, in part fuelled by the mental disconnection while the assault was taking place. “That’s often a safety mechanism subconsciously,” says Doyle, explaining that this mixture of confusion, psychological defences, and disconnection can lead people to think: “I know I can’t consent legally because I’ve taken drugs but if I believe I’ve been sexually assaulted will anyone believe me?”

Kyle relates to this. “By some people’s definition I have been raped more than once,” he says. “But I would never define it as that in my head – it doesn’t feel like that.”

Rebecca Hendin / BuzzFeed

Legally, however, there is some clarity: One must have the mental capacity to consent, and consent can be withdrawn at any time. No one I interviewed, however, describes what they have been subjected to as a crime, or has reported it as such.

Kyle also describes a group dynamic at chemsex parties that discards standard social codes: “It was an unspoken thing that if you went under on G or weren’t aware of your surroundings and people had sex with you, you couldn’t really blame them for that because you put yourself in that situation.”

Rob’s depiction is somewhat darker still: that if there is someone who is disliked by others at a chemsex party, he may become a target, either for deliberate overdosing or “the alternative method: seeing how many people can shove their cocks up his arse, and that’s where the consent issue comes in. Does he want to do that? Or does he not? With all those chems no one is going to be able to say, ‘No, he said he didn’t want it.’ The others can say, ‘We thought he did.’ It’s very easy to pretend to be innocent.”

Amid this mess of victims being blamed, or blaming themselves, and mental fog about the events themselves, Doyle says there will be many people who only realise they have been a victim of a crime when they read details of the Stephen Port case and recognise what happened to them.

“It will open up memories just by that fact it’s being spoken about,” he says, adding that it will also mean that other people will only now realise that they have been a perpetrator.

“There are people I’ve worked with who have done things… and there’s a lot of guilt there,” he says. “There can be evil people who will do things regardless of narcotics, and then people simply under the influence of chemsex drugs which lower inhibitions.”

In Doyle’s experience working with people trying to leave the chemsex scene, about 1 in 5 have been sexually assaulted. Issues of consent also extend beyond drugs and sex. Several interviewees described being filmed during a chemsex encounter without their permission or even knowledge.

“He was broadcasting it live on the internet,” says Doyle. “I didn’t know who was watching it or even what site it was on; he didn’t ask me, it was only because I saw a webcam. I just didn’t expect to see a laptop there with a camera on his bedside table. I looked at the monitor and he was streaming it.”

A similar thing has happened to Anthony, he says. The second time he went to the house of a man hosting a chemsex party in east London “he was sat on the bed in the middle of all that was happening and he had his iPad on. There was a guy either side of him watching this porn. I stopped and looked over at the iPad and was like, ‘Oh that looks quite hot, what porn is that?’ It was me from the last time I was there.”

“I just didn’t expect to see a laptop there with a camera on his bedside table. I looked at the monitor and he was streaming it.”

On another occasion, it wasn’t being filmed that bothered Anthony, but what was about to take place on camera.

He was at a man’s flat, in a one-to-one chemsex session, with three webcams on. They had been having sex on G for several hours, he says, during which the man had become more aggressive, including slapping him. The man withdrew, told Anthony to go and shower, and asked him if he would wear a blindfold when he returned. “I was like, ‘I’m not really into it but I’ll give it a go.’”

When Anthony came out of the bathroom “there was this other guy in the living room”. The third man was just as surprised to see Anthony: They knew each other. Anthony also knew that the man was HIV-positive but refused to take medication. When medicated successfully, antiretroviral drugs prevent HIV from being transmittable sexually. Without them, the individual remains infectious.

Anthony realised what had happened: The host had invited the man round without showing him a face photo of who was there, and, Anthony believes, with the intention of getting him to infect Anthony.

“I was going to be put into a sling, blindfolded, off my face, and he had snuck the guy in while I was in the shower, to then breed me, unawares.”

Anthony, however, who exudes an air of impishness, saw the man and simply said, innocently, “Oh my god, what are you doing here?” The apparent plan had been foiled.

Although he is keen to emphasise that much of chemsex is fun, exciting, and sexually liberating, it is through Anthony that some of the sadder, socioeconomic factors emerge. He had come out of a long-term relationship when he ventured on to the chemsex scene in 2014. He had no job and nowhere to live.

“I ended up going from sex party to sex party for three weeks nonstop, just for somewhere to be,” he says. Anthony looks both boyish and knowing; an open face with been-there-done-that facial expressions. “I think there’s that huge element in London – a hidden homelessness thing.”

Kyle became homeless amid his chemsex usage, the drugs pressing what he calls the “fuck-it button”, where the mundane responsibilities of life, such as showing up for work, are jettisoned. “I just left my job, didn’t pay my rent for three months, and then obviously my landlord kicked me out,” he says. The graduate ended up back at his parents’ house, working in a café.

“I ended up going from sex party to sex party for three weeks nonstop, just for somewhere to be.”

Intersecting with this, says Anthony, is hidden prostitution. “There’s this grey area where people don’t identify as a sex worker – this unspoken thing of ‘drugs is the currency we’re using for me to do things to you that you’re only doing for the drugs.’”

As well as people who otherwise would not sell themselves being paid with drugs, straightforward money-for-sex transactions arise, especially for chemsex users in poverty, like Anthony.

“I got into a conversation [on a dating app] with a guy asking if I wanted to come over and he would pay me £600 to host a sex party,” he says. The man was a banker. “I said, ‘No, I’m not an escort.’ This went on for an hour and then I was just like, ‘fuck it’. So he sent a Mercedes to pick me up. I went to this luxurious penthouse apartment.”

“He got us so high,” he says. “He didn’t like escorts, and this is telling: He liked picking on people who he knew would need the cash but who aren’t seasoned enough to know the tricks [of the trade].”

In this scenario, every notion of personal agency is removed. “There are certain things, which when sober you would be empowered enough to say no to, but when you’re high and someone is pushing for that and you’re at his pleasure and it’s his drugs, then you do end up doing them.”

He sets the scene of that particular party: “This fat old dude with loads of money – he was the only one wearing a T-shirt because he was so fat, but no pants – was going round shovelling drugs and G into people in the hope that someone would go a bit squiffy and he could swoop in. The guys were basically bait.”

The host would subject young men to a particular line of questioning that disturbed Anthony. “He would say, ‘Tell me about the first time you had sex,’ which obviously would be when you’re younger, but he would push the boundaries of that and ask about my family and my nephews and be like, ‘Does your nephew ever touch your dick?’”

“The guys were basically bait.”

Chemsex prostitution became a regular occurrence for Anthony: “I would be chilling out [on drugs] for two days and then some old guy on Grindr would want to join the party and pay £200 for half an hour.”

By then, he was also drug-running for a major dealer. “I would get my drugs for free and I would be taking drugs to a client, so there was that symbiosis,” he explains.

Anthony’s descent into this world might seem extreme but to talk to him – articulate, funny – is to be confronted with how normalised such experiences are for many. Most stories conveyed by these men are told with matter-of-fact detachment, not out of a breezy disregard for what they have endured, but in the manner of someone simply attempting to cope with it.

Rebecca Hendin / BuzzFeed

In the end, says Glenn, the sinister side of chemsex is the final product of a process that begins with one thing: “Loneliness. What you’ve got with this scene is people trying to not be lonely any more, but drugs turn them into really nasty people so it perpetuates the whole situation.”

Other interviewees offer further explanations: internalised homophobia destroying people’s self-esteem, rejection from families prompting a desperate need for connection, a desire for total escape to avoid pain in general, depression, body dysmorphia forcing the need for inhibitions to be removed – a vast, invisible mental health crisis. Or, like with Kyle, it is a steady drift, often unintentionally, from social fun into unhinged darkness.

Anthony, for example, talks about seeing young, naïve guys arrive at a party equipped with boundaries and good intentions. “Then you see them six hours later being fucked bareback by four people.”

He says chemsex offered “intimacy without investment” after his relationship ended. “If you’re emotionally hungry and the only thing you’re reaching is that, that’s really fucking sad.” And the cost can be greater than most could imagine. The consequences for mental health, in particular, are dire.

“I got sectioned for four months,” says Doyle, who describes depression, exhaustion, and hallucinations. Kyle knows three people on the chemsex scene who have had breakdowns. The mere fact of staying awake for several days is enough to trigger one, he says.

“I did crystal meth and after day one at the party I was at home freaking out for four days, not eating, not sleeping. I didn’t talk to anyone, I stared at the wall; it was insane. I remember seeing that the soles of my feet were bleeding just from walking up and down my bedroom.” He says he’s never told anyone that story.

Paranoia, along with psychosis detaching the individual from reality, swamps people for hours, days, even weeks. Anthony says he went on a 12-hour coach journey because he thought the police were following him. On other occasions he’s wandered the streets for 18 hours, after which, “You don’t know where you’ve been, what you’ve done, or what was real.”

Doyle has also suffered dramatically on a physical level. “I got diabetes because the amount of drugs had damaged my pancreas,” he says. “And I found out I had liver cancer.” He has finally gone into remission but through his work sees myriad health problems with his clients, particularly viruses such as HIV and hepatitis C. Almost invariably these come from intravenous drug use and condomless sex, but in a few rare cases, diagnoses have arisen from the most extreme practices scarcely ever seen in treatment facilities.

“You don’t know where you’ve been, what you’ve done, or what was real.”

“Blood-swapping,” he says, describing it as a practice involving the injection of a drug, letting some blood out and injecting that into the other person. “It used to be taboo. I would never have had clients five years ago telling me they did it. It is a fetish for some people, a way of connecting.”

It should be stressed that most gay and bisexual men are not involved in chemsex. This is a minority within a minority, with the more extreme activities concerning yet another even smaller minority within that. There is also a scarcity of reliable, large-sample statistics on chemsex drugs usage, although the 2014 England Gay Men’s Sex Survey offers a useful indication.

Based on a sample of 15,360, 8.4% had taken crystal meth at some point, 12.5% had taken GHB, and 16.5% had taken mephedrone. When asked about drug usage in the last four weeks, these figures drop to 2%, 3.2%, and 5.3% respectively. Beyond this, anecdotal evidence from users and drug workers fills in some of the gaps.

The age range, says Doyle, is unprecedented, with people using chemsex drugs ranging from 16-year-old boys up to “people in their seventies and eighties. For the first time we’ve got drugs hitting our whole adult age group.” He suspects from conversations with fellow drug workers that underage boys are doing it, too.

We also know from drug workers and charities that it is a national issue but with epicentres in London, Brighton, and Manchester. We know too that accessing meth, G, and mephedrone is quick and easy through dating apps – in one day during the research for this story, I switched on Grindr and without me contacting anyone, two dealers sent me messages offering their products. Grindr did not respond to my request for a comment on this.

The challenge for the police and the justice system now is to encourage people to come forward. But many I interviewed were afraid, beyond not being believed or of police homophobia, that if they reported being assaulted while under the influence, they would be investigated for drugs offences.

The Metropolitan police told me, “Our priority would be to investigate the sexual offense allegation” and that it is not a criminal offence to have drugs in your system.

But a spokesperson for the Crown Prosecution Service directed me to the Code for Crown Prosecutors, in which there is one key line regarding drug users as witnesses to a crime: “The more serious the offence, the more likely the witness…will be prosecuted.”

Given that supplying drugs is the greater offence than possession, that should reassure victims. However, simply passing a needle or a glass containing G – routine in chemsex – to another partygoer could constitute supply.

The silence surrounding what is happening, agreed the interviewees, is compounded by a paucity of services available. There is some specialist help for those suffering from problems caused by chemsex, at sexual health clinics such as 56 Dean Street in central London and with some LGBT charities such as Galop, London Friend, and the addiction organisation Antidote. But these can never cater to the sorts of numbers that might need it.

The day Paul Doyle comes to see me, he had received some news about his residential unit in Cornwall, the only one of its kind: “I had a phone call this morning to tell me it won’t be staying open much longer.” By January it will be gone.

Meanwhile, says Doyle, drug counsellors across Britain continue to phone him, needing information about chemsex because they know so little.

There is one final detail that he describes, about where on the body chemsex users are often injecting the drugs, which reveals more than it should. “Stabbing it in their groin, their feet,” he says. “Places that are dangerous. Places that can’t be seen.”

But it was what was in the needle that led Rob into the canal that Saturday afternoon. Two days before, he had invited a man who he met online over to his house. “His only interest was to get the chems inside me. There was no foreplay, just, ‘I want your arm, let’s get this into you.’” Rob agreed to take half a milligram of crystal meth.

But the man, whom Rob describes as much bigger than him, kept pushing the syringe. “When the 3.5mg went in my whole brain started…he could tell that really hit me. I was scared. His clothes came off as quickly as he possibly could and said, ‘Time to get up inside you, mate, you’re never going to forget this.’”

The man started putting his hands round Rob’s throat while penetrating him, he says. “I fought this as if to say, ‘That’s too much.’ I hadn’t gone under enough for him to do anything without me belting out, so he said, ‘Ugh, I can’t do anything with you.’” The man stopped and got up. Rob was shaking but eventually the man went to leave. His parting words, says Rob, were, “I’ll turn up somewhere where you least expect me to.”

It was only after the man left that Rob looked around his bedroom – where we sit now – and saw what cemented his belief that the man had wanted him dead. “There were two full syringes of crystal left.”

“You think doors are opening and people are coming in through the window. You think BBC TV are filming you.” 

That evening, the psychosis began to rage. “I was seeing friends, family, everyone, walk past this door. You think doors are opening and people are coming in through the window. You think BBC TV are filming you.” The following day he sat in London’s Euston station “debating whether to sign into a mental hospital”. Instead, he boarded a train to Manchester and stayed with a friend, but the next morning his mental state started spiralling downwards.

“I’m seeing all sorts of things, people taunting me saying, ‘We knew we couldn’t trust you.’ I went round Manchester, wandering the streets, lost. I went out towards the motorway. I thought, Let’s get out of here, let’s just die. I managed to get back into the city centre and towards the canal. I’ve never started the suicide process before. I started putting one foot in the canal and then another…”

The two men who grabbed him from the canal put him in an Uber back to the house of his friend who later took him to A&E. After being transferred back to London, Rob spent five days at the Maudsley psychiatric hospital. It took another month for the visions, the paranoia, and the psychosis to abate.

Rob has been referred to a psychiatrist and is under the supervision of his local mental health team, but his biggest fear now is not what happens to him, but to others.

“There is a whole generation growing up in their late teens who won’t have had proper sex or consent education, who are naïve and who are vulnerable,” he says. “My worry is they will find themselves having gone through what I and lots more my age have gone through – but no one is willing to talk about it.”

Some names have been changed to protect the identities of participants.

[bluefish20008]

Apparently the condition in Singapore is not as severe as in UK (at least we don't see a long list of deaths in newspapers). However, this article shall be a wake-up call to those into it, and a warning for those who want to try it. 

[hornbird]

A Friend told me that he learned of a PR Jack inviting guys from Grindr, Growlr and Blued to his HG ave 5 rental flat to chill, he would push a hose into the guys ' anal to purge, and takes them to bed room to bleed them with chill. 

 

He is particularity interested in execs who drives, in two occasions he took video of the raw bleed (camera sets an angle only the bottom's faces would be seen) then he would threaten and demand the bottom to allow him to use their cars for his purposes, for 2 to 3 days ... out of fear, both bottom execs just submitted to his demands. 

 

Looks like bad things are going on in sg just like anywhere except lesser extents. 

Edited December 5, 2016 by hornbird

[Guest Guest]

Stephen Port..

 

[Ironrod]

2 hours ago, bluefish20008 said:

Apparently the condition in Singapore is not as severe as in UK (at least we don't see a long list of deaths in newspapers). However, this article shall be a wake-up call to those into it, and a warning for those who want to try it. 

 

Thanks to death sentence. If u own drugs in a certain amount means death to u. That deters.....a lot of ppl

[Guest Evict]

I recently had a kind of similar experience when visiting Hong Kong for work and meeting up one night with an old fuck buddy I had not seen since he left Singapore a few years ago. He invited me to his place and we caught up on our lives and cuddled while watching television. Probably flattering me, but he said he hadn't bottomed since our last time together, and seeing me now makes him have the desire to do so again just like the old days. Then he mentioned that one bottom he has been with likes chemfun because it allows him to get fucked all night long. He added that they were at an orgy with at least 10 guys one time and this bottom got fucked by eight of those guys over the course of about five hours. I had no idea why he was telling me this, but I mentioned that I still hate all forms of drugs, and want nothing to do with them at all.

 

Later after we were in bed, he stopped making out, and started fumbling through his drawers and closet looking for something. I asked what it was and said the condoms and lube are on the nightstand. He replied not that and went into the living room. When he came back we started fucking, but he was still tight, and he went out again. The lights were off now but when he returned he was lighting something up. I realized it was a bong and said what the hell are you doing? He replied that he can't bottom anymore without it because he is too tight since he has only topped for several years. I said if that is true why does he even have a bong? He replied it belongs to the bottom he mentioned and they do chemfun together when he tops that guy so they can both last the whole night. I was angry but I was also still horny and resumed topping him.

 

We ended up doing it for a few hours. I did not indulge in the chemfun, of course, but I guess it really did make him able to bottom for much longer than in the past. The situation still made me feel uncomfortable however. In the morning I woke up to him trying to stuff my cock into his hole raw. I told him to stop. He said he couldn't control himself and constantly thinks about feeling my cock and load inside his ass like the old days. I said we haven't seen each other in years, and while our teen memories are indeed wonderful, we need to be responsible adults and think about the big picture now. He is from a rich family and has a lot to lose if he gets busted by the police or acquires a deadly disease. And I certainly don't want my life ruined chasing the past. We parted with me telling him to stay away from that stuff but I know he won't listen.

[thorzguy]

There is basically nothing much you can do. The options are there for your friend to choose. Continue and risk getting caught (or never).. Or stop it altogether. It is never easy but one has to make the effort to do it. I assume this is based in Singapore. CNB do not catch people just like that. They have ways -  from supplier to buyer to even planting a mole between users. Entrapment? Maybe too.

[Guest Guest]

Eat up all his drug so that he has nothing to take anymore.

[Guest Evict]

48 minutes ago, thorzguy said:

There is basically nothing much you can do. The options are there for your friend to choose. Continue and risk getting caught (or never).. Or stop it altogether. It is never easy but one has to make the effort to do it. I assume this is based in Singapore. CNB do not catch people just like that. They have ways -  from supplier to buyer to even planting a mole between users. Entrapment? Maybe too.

 

I think the Original Poster's friend is in Singapore. My ex is now in his native Hong Kong. But the risks are the same no matter where they are and so is the heartbreak of watching people we care about driving down the road to possibly destroying their lives.

[Eoin]

On 02/18/2014 at 8:05 AM, NorthernLights said:

(this also includes misuse of things like protein shakes, vitamin supplements..

 

Misuse of vitamin supplements? How is this even possible? 

 

I know guys at the gym who regularly take 6000 mg of vitamin C per day. They say the worst side effect is some diarrhoea initially as the body adjusts.

 

Apart from that, the worst thing could happen is that you pee or shit the excess out.

 

Edited February 16, 2017 by Eoin

[sgmaven]

BBC Documentary on Chem Sex

 

I think this is a great documentary for those who think that there is no harm in "recreational use" of these drugs.

[GachiMuchi]

Confession: I’m Hooked Onto Chemsex And I Don’t Know How To Stop

Source

Dear Gay People,

I’m so hooked onto chemsex that I can no longer get off on regular sex.

It all started a couple of years ago. I was feeling horny and decided to get on Grindr in the hopes of finding someone to relieve me of my raging hormones. Not long after, I got lucky and was soon making my way to his house.

What was supposed to be just a routine Grindr hook-up turned into one of the most life-changing experiences that I ever had.

Source

When I arrived at his place, the first thought that creeped into my mind when I met *Jason was that I was actually scared that he would slam the door in my face.

Jason was absolutely gorgeous. He was handsome with a sharp jawline and possessed the kind of body that belonged on covers of fitness magazines. Judging from the fact that he  spoke eloquently and was staying in a condo, he was probably rich as well. Jason was in other words, the kind of sugar daddy young gay men like myself have always dreamed of.

Thankfully, Jason wasn’t turned off by my lanky frame. We had a nice chat on his bed first before he leaned in to kiss me. Soon, our shirts were off and we started making out. It was then that he asked me whether I’ve tried chemsex before.

Back then, I was aware of what chemsex was but never had any interest to try it out. But I was eager to please Jason and so I told him I was keen to experiment. That was my first experience with drug fuelled sex and it was the best sex I ever had.

I found out afterwards that Jason already had a boyfriend but it didn’t really matter to me, I continued to hook-up with him whenever there was an opportunity. Every session was a hedonistic drug-fuelled experience and he started to introduce me to more hardcore drugs as time went by.

At first, I only had chemsex with Jason and would stick to vanilla sex with my other flings. But soon, regular sex became too boring for me and I started to indulge in chemsex with other men too.

It eventually got to a point where the only sex I had was chemsex.

Source

Although I no longer have regular sex, I’ve never really seen my chemsex habits as a problem.

I am in no way a drug addict and am very much a normal and functional human being. I hold a regular 9-5 job and my sex life has never posed a problem to my normal life. I am still very clear on where my priorities should be and I generally only have sex around 3 to 4 times a month. Nobody in my social circle would ever guess that I take drugs.

The wake up call for me was when I read about the recent drug scandal of Dr Stuart Koe – founder of Asia’s largest LGBT portal Fridae.

Dr Stuart Koe (Source)

I had no idea who Stuart Koe was but his case really piqued my interest.

After doing some online digging, it became apparent that not only was Stuart Koe rich and successful, he was famous and well-respected within the gay community too. To see how drugs managed to bring down such a respected and handsome man really struck me for some reason.

I started reading other horror stories of chemsex addicts whose lives have completely spiralled out of control and I started to fear that my life would head down a similar route if I don’t put a stop to it.

Source

The reason why I’m sharing my story is because I hope that someone out there can advise me on what support there is for people like me.

As a closeted gay man, I cannot turn to my family or friends for help. Whatever gay friends I have now are pretty much just my sex buddies who are all into chemsex themselves. I also don’t want to access public healthcare as I am scared that it will leave a record of me as being a drug user.

So in conclusion, I would greatly appreciate it if you can all advise me on whether any of the Singaporean LGBT community groups can provide me with non-judgemental support and what options I have.

Hope to hear from you all soon!

[CCK central]

Check into a support group NOW. Join we care for peer support. And do not use any drugs at all. Get rid of all AMD anything that reminds you of drugs NOW.

 

Remember the craving is just for a few minutes. After days you will wean off. Trust me and most importantly trust in yourself

[doncoin]

The reality of the story is you are an addict and like any form of addiction, kicking the habit can be challenging, and you are not going to succeed in your first attempt. Relapses are common. 

 

There may be 12 step programs available to you where you can have a sponsor who will help you. 

 

I hope you will find the support and strength. 

[Guest WHATEVER]

Aiyoh stop for what? You should live telecast on CAM4 or Chaturbate for our pleasure! We can even upload your exploits on Tumblr. Live your dreams! Live your passions!

[sgmaven]

Guys: TS is just cutting and pasting articles from different websites. It has nothing to do with him...

[GachiMuchi]

Disclaimer: The above article is an article I shared.  I am not the person who wrote the article.

 

For those affected by Chemsex, Please contact Oogachaga for help - Hotline : 62262002

 

 

Edited March 2, 2017 by GachiMuchi

[yoyo74]

For the one who write this post. He is still deceiving himself when he write this post. When he say every sex he want is a chem sex and he is not a drug addict, he practically self contradict and dont want to change internally. Having this kind of mindset will not give him the will power to change. He must need to be angry at the illegal drug and the way he cant change himself before anything can happen. Having the correct mindset is the first step of everything.

[Oogachagacare]

On 02/03/2017 at 11:40 AM, GachiMuchi said:

Disclaimer: The above article is an article I shared.  I am not the person who wrote the article.

 

For those affected by Chemsex, Please contact Oogachaga for help - Hotline : 62262002

 

 

 

 

Thanks for helping to broadcast our counselling  services!  The OC hotline runs Tue, Wed, Thu: 7pm - 10pm; & Sat: 2pm-5pm

 

For other counselling services, check out details in our footer below:

 

 

 

[Oogachagacare]

Are you affected by chemsex?

Or know someone who may need additional support? Get in touch with us:

Hotline counselling: 6226 2002
Whatsapp Counselling: 8592 0609
(Tue, Wed & Thu: 7pm – 10pm, Sat: 2pm – 5pm)
 

Email counselling: CARE@oogachaga.com

 

Keep our services running in 2017: bit.ly/Oogachaga

[GachiMuchi]

WATCH: DJ gives insight into why so many gay men turn to chemsex drugs

It’s easy to take the moral high ground without trying to understand the underlying problems that fuel drug use on the gay scene, says DJ Big Kid

johnsonbk | Instagram

DJ Big Kid says he had to speak out about gay men and chemsex drugs

4 May 2017

by David Hudson

A DJ originally from Singapore has made a thought-provoking video as to why gay men are turning to chemsex drugs.

DJ Big Kid relocated to Los Angeles in 2014 but made his name playing at large parties across Asia. His video was published on the Dear Straight People YouTube channel.

He says chemsex addiction is a growing problem among gay men in Asia.

 

‘There’s a lot of inherent guilt and fear when we have sex’

‘There something happening in our community today that we desperately need to have a conversation about,’ he begins by saying.

‘We have all been brought up to believe that gay sex is unnatural: that gay sex will buy us a one-way ticket to hell. That if we have gay sex, we will all eventually die of AIDS.

‘Unsurprisingly, there’s a lot of inherent guilt and fear when we have sex, so many of us resort to alcohol and drugs in a bid to loosen up.’

 

 

Chemsex drugs include ecstasy, crystal meth (also known as Tina or Ice) and GHB. All are taken while clubbing or prior to sex to heighten or alter the experience.

DJ Big Kid talks about each of these, highlighting how easy it is to overdose on GHB or become addicted to crystal meth.

Hardcore users of both drugs can find themselves engaging in sexual marathons with other men, sometimes attending chemsex parties for many hours or even days at a time. This can put them at risk of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted infections.

He admits that the idea of chemsex parties may sound ‘like fun and games,’ but points out the true consequences of a crystal meth addiction are ‘nothing short of devastating’.

Meth addicts retreat into an underground world of meth use and chemsex parties, isolating themselves from friends and family, and often undergoing dramatic changes in behavior or personality.

Successful careers can hit the skids, and homes, health and livelihoods lost.

‘How we respond will be a true test of friendship’

There’s no easy solution, and it can be tempting to condemn or judge others for using drugs. However, drug addiction is more complex than some presume.

‘How we respond will be a true test of friendship and family. Some of us have gone on social media to express disgust and anger at those who struggle with this and have used hard words of condemnation.

‘That is not the right response.

‘Doing so only serves to alienate our friends struggling with this. We need to leave morality and judgment out of this and acknowledge that addiction is a disease. It is a mental health issue not a moral issue.’

He says he was moved to make the video as ‘We are losing too many to meth addiction and it seems like this problem is fast turning into a crisis.’

DJ Big Kid | Facebook

 

‘We are ashamed to admit this problem exists’

Speaking to GSN, DJ Big Kid said he had decided to speak out, ‘Because I know of so many friends, some close and others acquaintances who have had their lives spin out of control because of chemsex and crystal meth addiction.

‘It seems like in Asia, the situation is on a downward spiral but we aren’t even having a conversation about it just because that scene operates under the cover of darkness and we don’t ordinarily come face to face with it.

‘It is also an uncomfortable topic to discuss and we are ashamed to admit this problem exists.’

‘Try and listen in a non-judgmental manner’

Ian Howley, chief executive of UK-based gay men’s health charity GMFA agrees that gay men get involved with chemsex for complex reasons.

‘Some may get involved through friends, some may get involved by accident and some may get involved because they actually want to,’ he said.

‘However there are increasing signs that many who get involved with chemsex do so because they might be going through some issues in their life and their self-esteem and self-worth might be low.

‘GMFA has worked with gay men who got involved because of a bad break up, depression due to isolation in a big city and some because they recently received a HIV diagnosis and they feel they’ve hit rock bottom.

He says that a lack of knowledge around the drugs greatly increases the risk of overdose of long-term health damage.

‘If you are involved in chemsex or think this is something that you might get involved with then it’s best to increase your knowledge of the drugs involved, how to use them and what to do if something goes wrong.

‘Feeling like chemsex is taking over your life? It’s best to talk to your local GUM clinic who will have experience in chemsex and how best to help you get the support that you require.

‘If you are friends with someone who is involved with chemsex, then the best thing you can do is make sure they have all the information they require to do it as safely as possible.

He agreed with DJ Big Kid that it’s best to avoid moralizing when it comes to drug use.

‘If your friend wants to talk to you about their drug use try and listen in a non-judgmental manner. This will let them know that they can come to you if or when things go wrong. Have some information to hand about chemsex support services that can help.

‘The best way, we as a community, can stop chemsex from ruining us is to make sure we can be open with each other about it.

‘However, we must also address the reasons why gay men are getting involved with chemsex and find a healthier solution, that stops those who are not able to deal with the impact chemsex can have, to make better health choices.’

More help

• The following services can offer advice: In Asia, The Klinik Cure & Care in Malaysia ; the Taipei Drug Abuse Prevention Center; and the Oogachaga Whatsapp & Hotline Service in Singapore.

• London Friend runs Antidote – a service for LGBTI people concerned about their drug or alcohol use in the UK.

• GMFA is another UK-based gay men’s health charity.

• GMHC is a New York-based gay men’s health charity.

• Crystal Meth Anonymous

• Check out these support helplines for more advice.

Edited May 4, 2017 by GachiMuchi

[bluefish20008]

Not merely about chemsex, but also something related to drug usage. Just for everyone's awareness. 

http://www.stomp.com.sg/singapore-seen/from-around-the-world/23-year-old-singaporean-tourist-jumps-from-5th-storey-of-bali

[GachiMuchi]

Former Chemsex Addict Shares His Harrowing Experience Of What Drug Addiction Is Really Like

Dear Straight People,

Meet 40-year old Singaporean *Mark, a former chemsex addict who hopes to inspire change by sharing his story.

At first glance, Mark doesn’t seem like the type of person you would typically associate with drug addiction. He is highly educated, well-built and holds a stable job in the research sector. In short, Mark is a living testament that drug addicts come from all walks of life.

After watching our recent video that shone the spotlight on chemsex addiction in Asia, Mark was inspired to share his own story in the hopes that his voice will help those struggling with drug addiction as well as spark a much needed dialogue on the giant elephant in the room.

In his own words, here is Mark’s story!

His Foray Into Drugs

I remember the first time I took an illicit drug was in 2001 when the Sunday night parties started featuring the local circuit party boys that had their first Mardi Gras experience partying on substances.  I’ll never forget the way it made me feel half an hour after ingesting the quarter pill. That feeling of freedom, feeling so connected, it was exhilarating.  

Growing up, I was always a shy, intense and eccentric kinda boy.  I had always found it hard to make and keep friends. I proceeded to chase that feeling in the years to come when I started to immerse myself in disco themed parties and after-hours sessions at saunas and private house parties.  It was all very glitzy and alluring. At that age, I was a B-list wannabe who could only truly feel relief by medicating myself with lots of booze and drugs and people pleasing my way through the party crowds.

The term ‘chemsex’ as it is now popularly understood wasn’t even in circulation when I was first introduced to drugs. 

Being Introduced To Chemsex

My first experience of chemsex wasn’t a planned event.  

My group of friends had finished partying one Saturday evening and nobody wanted to go home after Taboo had closed so we made our way to a nearby sauna to come down from the drugs.  While we were there, I happened to see a really cute, nicely built guy who happened to be a regular in the scene.  He also seemed to take a fancy to me and beckoned me to a nearby room.  

Gripped by an exhilarating rush and amplified by the intense feelings of openness brought on by the ecstasy, I made a quick beeline for the room after mumbling an awkward excuse to my group of friends.  I kept mumbling that he was really good looking and that I felt honoured that he wanted to sleep with me.  Part of it was the anxiety that I felt, but part of it was also the lack of inhibitions brought on by the substances.  

We soon got down to it and about halfway through it, he started to penetrate me.  The thought fleetingly crossed my mind “What about using a condom?”  It was immediately crowded out by the fear-filled thought “what if that makes him annoyed and he won’t want to finish it?”  

I know it sounds kinda pathetic and needy, but this fear of possible rejection is an incredibly powerful obsessive thought for addicts.  It overrides our ability to make rational and safe choices for ourselves, and the drugs don’t help.  If anything, they often amplify whatever emotions and feelings we are experiencing when we’re high.  

So I said nothing and tried to lose myself in the haze of sensation and intensity and when we both came, it was completely mind blowing.  It’s like all the longing and yearning for that perfect moment of completion and intimacy melded into one, coupled with the surrender into a blissful haze of sated satisfaction.  I spent the next 10 years chasing that feeling again, constantly trying to replicate or intensify it.  

Getting Hooked Onto Chemsex

At the time though, ice (meth) hadn’t quite penetrated Singapore, and while I had a few more encounters that were of a chemsex nature, it didn’t really turn into a full blown obsession until a fuck buddy introduced me to ice.

When I first started using it, I rationalised around using it to make myself more productive, to work longer hours, to accomplish more.  Pretty soon, it became all about wanting to feel this amped up all the time.  I had the occasional chemsex session, but increasingly my experience of paranoia of catching STIs started to develop and I began to eschew contact with most people.  

Chemsex then morphed into spending hours and hours in front of the laptop, flitting from porn flick to porn flick, a large bottle of lube and poppers and the meth pipe, trying to find the perfect combination of orgasm and high and preferably timed with whatever climax was happening in the flick.

Struggling With Addiction

The challenges were many, but strictly speaking, they’re not particularly unique to me. They are shared by most addicts in the deepening progression of their experience with drugs.  

At the start, my hyper-amplified nature made me overwhelmingly boisterous and snarky. I would often be oversensitive and take critique personally and never constructively.  I always played the victim card.  Soon thereafter, my work started to decline in quality and output, despite putting in longer hours at work.  

My relationships (romantic and platonic) started to suffer greatly. I had a long term partner, God bless his generous soul and heart, he tried to hang around and help, but I put him through an incredible amount of emotional abuse and neglect. I constantly made my family worry if the next time they got a phone call, whether it would be the police telling them that they had found my dead body somewhere.  

Eventually I started to experience intense paranoia and hallucinations, always wondering if some guy I saw on the MRT was from the CNB tailing me. Seeing and hearing visions of creepy crawlies and snakes on my skin.  I was hospitalised once and had many manic episodes of chemical psychosis and freaking out, constantly checking to see if my neighbours were snaking cameras from the window in my room to catch me using on film.  Near the end of my using history, I often contemplated suicide, because I could not seem to experience any sense of this oppressive feeling of despair ever letting up.

The Turning Point

I had tried to seek help to quit booze and drugs some ten years prior, but there was still a deep reservation in me, that I couldn’t quite envision my life without the drugs.  

I mean, I could intellectually comprehend and say that I needed to stop, but on a deep visceral emotional level, I could not bring myself to be willing to fully commit to living a life drug free.  I started attending a peer support group but because I wasn’t fully surrendered, I could only stay physically clean for a year. But mentally and emotionally, I was going nuts.  Eventually I started using again where my use escalated to a point where my then-partner made it clear that if something didn’t change, he would call the police on me.  So I tried again, but that needed surrender was not quite there.  

It would take a few more challenging months of trying desperately to prove to myself that maybe I could have it all and finally make it work and one final humiliating weekend of a binge that devolved into an absolute nightmare, culminating in me having a full blown hallucination that my parents were coming back to throw me out of the house.  In a blind panic, I packed up and ran out of the house without any plans, only being gripped by the fear of facing my folks and their words. Eventually I ended up in a car park lot and broke down completely and cried, absolutely defeated.  

The illusion that I was still managing my life was crushed that day and I had to face the reality of my actions and the direction my life had taken.  I surrendered to the pain and the suffering and wanted it to stop.  

I confessed my actions to some of the members of the support group and they got a couple of guys to spend the evening with me. They shared their experience and what their lives were like since they had committed to a different way of life.  And for the first time, I was listening with an open mind and a willing heart.  Anything, so that the pain would stop, and that my life wouldn’t turn out to be the waste that was right in front of me.

Road To Recovery

Recovery is hard, I won’t sugar coat it.  Especially in the early days when I battled the obsession and desire to use at all hours of my waking moments.  

The fellows from my support group gave me some suggestions and asked that I follow the program of recovery closely, and because I was so desperate not to go back to my old ways, I tried to do as was suggested to me.  To an addict that loves having his own way, these were not easy actions to follow through on. Nevertheless, the gift of desperation allowed me to try to live those actions, one day at a time, sometimes, one hour at a time.

Somewhere after half a year had passed though, I realised that I no longer had the voice in my head.  The seductive voice that often whispered “Maybe you can use safely again….it’s been so long…this time it’ll be different….you’ve learnt so much now, you can control it”  I have not had the voice come back to me now in a strong way since I got clean 5 years ago.  

The greatest challenge I faced was ironically not at the start.  Then, desperation powered my willingness to take action and to be accountable and to turn my life around.  That made my choices simpler and more straightforward to follow through on.  

Rather, the greatest challenge has been the willingness to live this new way of life constantly and consistently.  Addiction is a disease (yes, a disease, NOT a moral failure or lack of willpower) that constantly tries to convince you that you don’t have a problem and I’ve found that as time goes by, complacency can creep back in, making me cut back on the life saving actions I take on a daily basis to live peaceful, content and without the desire to use.

Living A Drug Free Life

Today, life is better. I have ups and downs like any normal human being.  I still make mistakes and have to face up to them.  The difference now is that I have tools to deal with those highs and lows and not go off the deep end anymore.  

I am connected with life and people around me and I feel purposeful, peaceful and content.  Many of the values in my old life no longer are relevant to me. My life is not so filled with crazy drama and chaos anymore too.  I work with fellow addicts in recovery and it gives my life direction and meaning and keeps me growing and learning to love more unconditionally.  

You can get better if you are willing to give yourself a break and give yourself a chance.

Advice To Those Struggling With Drug Addiction

For those who aren’t at the point where they’re willing to contemplate anything different, I hope you remember that help is available when the time comes that you finally get sick and tired of being sick and tired. We’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready.

For those currently struggling to stay clean, know that there are people who have been through the same kinds of experiences and who have come out the other side. They are there, willing to walk with you and, if you become willing, to take you through the same process of recovery that they themselves experienced.

Why It’s Important For The Community To Address This Issue

The chemsex scene has changed tremendously since 5 to 6 years ago.  The advent of apps and websites that allow quick, easy, anonymous and transactional interactions have fuelled the growth of the scene.  If you happen to know the code words or the lingo or the “look”, it’s easy to get plugged into the subculture. 

There are many in the community who want to have nothing to do with this seemingly more “degenerate” face of our people, and I can absolutely understand why, from a PR standpoint.  

However, a community is only as strong as its weakest link and you cannot expect the community to be built up healthily, until you start to address the social features that have the potential to unravel that community.  

Only an honest dialogue and a willingness to get into the trenches and do the work will help us all rise together.

*Names have been changed. Edits to parts of the submission not affecting the story have been made.

Find Out More About The Chemsex Issue In Asia Here:

Once again, we would like to thank *Mark for sharing his experience with us.

If you or someone you know is struggling with chemsex addiction, here are a list of resources you can turn to in Asia:

Free Services:
1. The Klinik Cure & Care (http://public.adk.gov.my/direktori/cnc1m.php) 11 locations throughout Malaysia.

2. Taipei Drug Abuse Prevention Center (http://english.doh.gov.taipei/ct.aspxItem=38328110&ctNode=5…)

3. Oogachaga Whatsapp & Hotline Service (Singapore) (http://oogachaga.com)

4. Narcotics Anonymous Singapore (http://www.nasingapore.org/index.htm)

Paid Services:
1. The Cabin Singapore (https://www.thecabinsingapore.com.sg)
In patient and outpatient – specially for executives & professionals

2. The Cabin Chiangmai (https://www.thecabinchiangmai.com/)
In patient treatment center

3. The Cabin Bangkok (https://www.thecabinbangkok.co.th/drug-rehab-in-thailand/)

4. Sivana Bali (https://www.sivanabali.com)

5. National Addictions Management Service (Singapore) (http://www.nams.sg/Pages/index.aspx) (Subsidised)

6. Oogachaga Counselling (Singapore) (http://oogachaga.com)

[Guest yolo]

drugs r for the brave, creative ones. those who will not settle for less. the brilliant amy winehouse lost to cocaine. deeply lonely and needful. 

[tomcat]

11 hours ago, Guest yolo said:

drugs r for the brave, creative ones. those who will not settle for less. the brilliant amy winehouse lost to cocaine. deeply lonely and needful. 

 

Stop glorifying an addict. She made a wrong choice in her life, whether she was able to "create art" does not take away the pain of her loss to her family and friends. Towards the end, she could not even write or perform properly, how is that brave or briiliant?