Discussion on Married Gay Men (有妇之夫) Whom Hv Gay Sex + An Open Letter to Married Men + Married men's stress & struggles (compiled)

[kee_hsiao]

getting married soon... and not sure what's in for my future... =(

[GymStock]

getting married soon... and not sure what's in for my future... =(

I dont mean to be someone to stop anyone's happiness in life. I just think you should consider VERY carefully about making this move. I don't know your wife but am sure she is a nice and virtous lady for you to consider to marry her.

Once your a married, it is no turning back. To turn back it is going to be really really damaging emotionally for you and her. Worst is if she has done nothing wrong and/or been with you thick and thin in the marriage life, and given her everything in the marriage. It is going to be even worst if you have kid(s) becos you need to know the emotional scars that you create if you leave the marriage then. You will be stuck. It is not going to be an easy life to live. Having to struggle to keep the family and yet the desire to be your true self.

Am sharing as someone who is stuck in the situation. So do consider very carefully.

[Ollie6]

Women are defiantly horner as they get older...

[Azorius]

.....

Edited January 14, 2018 by Azorius

[GymStock]

Hey Gymstock, so how many years have ya been stuck in this situation? And it sounded like you are sexually attracted to boys instead of girls.

@ Azorious, I have been stuck in it for 11years and running.

Yes, I am sexually attracted to guys more than girls, ever since in my early teens. But due to family's upbringing, religious views, being gay is a big taboo. Back then, I always think that something is very wrong with me to have such feeling. So I was in denial. Despite the physical attractions never go away. Also, at that time, we do not have internet. I grew up when our computers were still the green monochrome, so needless to say about internet.

Internet and computer became popular when I was 25. Even then, I continue to be in denial because of my family and upbringing. Thinking that it will go away someday. To make the matter worst, someone very influential in my life make a remark that such feeling for guys will go away or when we get married.

I was in and out of 2-3 r/s with ladies, though I am not exactly sexually attracted to them, but i do get emotionally attracted to them. When I finally met my wife whom I thought she can be my soulmate, I thought, finally I can be free. But how wrong can I be. By then it was too late for me to turn back the clock and undo what has already happened.

So I got married is not because I have no guts (as someone would say in another thread) to be what I am, but I am purely misguided, because then there is no such resource as internet for me to find out. There isn't even any gay bars or saunas then.

If I am a gay and I still choose to marry, then yes, I am gutless. But I am bi, that is why I got married given the situation and the circumstances around me then. Sometimes I also say that, I am a bi that is sexually attracted to men but can never be emotionally attracted to a guy. But it seems to be not the case recently. Anyway, If I have the resources of what it available now, I will probably chosen to be gay instead.

Well, I have shared my story. Anyone else want to share theirs?

[Azorius]

.....

Edited January 14, 2018 by Azorius

[GymStock]

@Azorious, I didn't say that I do not have my fair share of fun outside. But I mainly go for male massages that comes with happy endings. But still after it I feel empty inside me. Thus, I finally confide in a close friend of mine whom I know is gay. So he introduce me to some of his gay friends. Not those looking for fun only, but purely as friends. So now I have a group of friends that I meet them up occasionally and we became very close friends and they all know mine story, but still accepted me as one of them. That is how I keep my sanity.

[Azorius]

.....

Edited January 14, 2018 by Azorius

[niceboxers]

Married here too, chubby, 50, 103kg, 170cm, Chinese. I like chubs but can be friends to all.

[kee_hsiao]

Gymstock... reading all your posts and I've got almost the same situation as u do. but sadly, there's no turning back now. 'cause if I turn now, the damage may not be any lesser.

so now, trying very hard to strengthen my heart and brave the storm.

[GymStock]

Ah I see. Glad ya found friends you could talk to and find support Then how do ya deal with this emptiness you feel each time you have had fun with a guy then?

@Azorious, the emptiness is only when I did not hv my group of friends. Now that I hv, I do not have that emptiness feeling anymore.

[GymStock]

Married here too, chubby, 50, 103kg, 170cm, Chinese. I like chubs but can be friends to all.

Welcome niceboxers. notice your stats, at our age, we should be a little careful about our health, 103kg is not healthy. Do try to do something to lose weight. Not just for yourself but family too.

[GymStock]

Gymstock... reading all your posts and I've got almost the same situation as u do. but sadly, there's no turning back now. 'cause if I turn now, the damage may not be any lesser.

so now, trying very hard to strengthen my heart and brave the storm.

Hum, unless you are expecting a baby...then yes the damage is not anything lesser. So long as there is no baby or kid, it will be easier for u to turn back. It is hurtful but at least there is only u and your fiancée life now. But anyway, I understand we all have our reasons. Just remember to really consider it carefully now. Once it is set in stone, cast in concrete, it is no turning back.

[huntshare]

Welcome niceboxers. notice your stats, at our age, we should be a little careful about our health, 103kg is not healthy. Do try to do something to lose weight. Not just for yourself but family too.

[huntshare]

Gym stock..impressed that u care.. Though some may deem "Kpo". But I salute u for being caring to fellow brothers.

[ascender]

Hum, unless you are expecting a baby...then yes the damage is not anything lesser. So long as there is no baby or kid, it will be easier for u to turn back. It is hurtful but at least there is only u and your fiancée life now. But anyway, I understand we all have our reasons. Just remember to really consider it carefully now. Once it is set in stone, cast in concrete, it is no turning back.

I do understand what he meant, though the hurt will not be as bad as after having a baby, but it is jus as bad at this stage. I been thru this too, still hanging on, my wife is v nice and understanding. For me, besides massages to satisfy my needs, I had never had any fun with anyone else. 8 years lo..

[TannedKE]

I recently got to know a gay, we were talking half way where he brought up the topic of finding a girlfriend, getting married, to please his family and be part of the norm. i know there are a lot of things we can't do if we ain't married... Housing and stuff, lots of restriction. But that just isn't him. I feel very very sad and heartland knowing that this friend of mine will not be happy in the future. It kind of break my heart. I am not sure if i will end up like you people here too, married but i know i m not sexually attracted to girls, only emotionally. I was thinking if only we can get 2 gay couple to marry 2 lesbian couple, reap the benefits of being married and also continue to be with your gay partner.

If my friend happens to see until this, i want you to know you can always count on me to be there for you, i understand the path is hard to walk but you can count on me that you are not alone.

[delon]

Physical attraction n emotional attachment r 2 separate things. As a bi, I guess it could be either one or both of the above dat draws u 2 a guy. Some r ok with just having sex with a guy while others r ok with just emotional links with a guy. Yet others yearn 4 both. It's easy 2 hv sex with someone n walk away from it after the act is over. But if the heart is involved n there is an emotional connection, then it is harder 2 break from it.

So only u know exactly wat u wan.

[delon]

@Azorious, the emptiness is only when I did not hv my group of friends. Now that I hv, I do not have that emptiness feeling anymore.

Gymstock, I bet the emptiness is only temporarily filled by ur frens. I think u r the sort who yearns 4 a deeper emotional connection with a guy. So unless u find dat special someone 2 occupy dat void, it will always b there n the emptiness will return when ur frens r gone. Just my 2 cents worth of comments.

[GymStock]

I do understand what he meant, though the hurt will not be as bad as after having a baby, but it is jus as bad at this stage. I been thru this too, still hanging on, my wife is v nice and understanding. For me, besides massages to satisfy my needs, I had never had any fun with anyone else. 8 years lo..

@ Ascender, welcome to the club. haha. We are in very similar "ship".

Initial post was a mis-read of ascender's post. my apologies.

Edited June 13, 2012 by GymStock

[GymStock]

Gym stock..impressed that u care.. Though some may deem "Kpo". But I salute u for being caring to fellow brothers.

True. I know some may think I am KPO. But living a life of silent suffering is no joke. I wouldn't want to see any person suffering the same as me.

[Azorius]

.....

Edited January 14, 2018 by Azorius

[GymStock]

Gymstock, I bet the emptiness is only temporarily filled by ur frens. I think u r the sort who yearns 4 a deeper emotional connection with a guy. So unless u find dat special someone 2 occupy dat void, it will always b there n the emptiness will return when ur frens r gone. Just my 2 cents worth of comments.

Hi Delon, thks for your post. I do appreciate it. And you have somewhat hit the nail on the head. As I mentioned earlier, I thought I am only physically attracted to guys, but true the years, I begin to realise I can and have emotional connection with a guy.

BUT,

Since I am married, I cannot be so selfish. Because it will be so unfair to the other party. He has no good ending with me and I do not want to ruin his life because of me. He deserved better than that. He deserved to have someone who can spend the rest of his life with him, instead of me. Tat is why, if I meet up with anyone, I make it a point to let them know I am married. So mostly are just friends now. Some don't even bother to keep in contact.

Yet as confusing as it may be, still deep deep deep down inside me, I hope to have a guy who is willing to take this kind of "crap" and be with me. But it can only remain as a dream. Even if there is one, I am not sure if I want to accept it for his sake.

[delon]

Yet as confusing as it may be, still deep deep deep down inside me, I hope to have a guy who is willing to take this kind of "crap" and be with me. But it can only remain as a dream. Even if there is one, I am not sure if I want to accept it for his sake.

Yes, no matter how altruistic we feel, there's still a certain selfish part in us 2 seek out dat eternal emotional connection. It's only human nature. Everyone deserves 2 love n b loved in return. So I can only hope u find ur happiness sooner, than later.

[ascender]

@ Ascender, welcome to the club. haha. We are in very similar "ship".

Initial post was a mis-read of ascender's post. my apologies.

Thanks dude, indeed, most of us got into this thinking we can turn straight one day, or at least get use to it, but really, can be a struggle, and at times, I feel guilty of not giving my partner enough love that she deserves, but I did try my best though

[kee_hsiao]

Yet as confusing as it may be, still deep deep deep down inside me, I hope to have a guy who is willing to take this kind of "crap" and be with me. But it can only remain as a dream. Even if there is one, I am not sure if I want to accept it for his sake.

I totally feel you in this reply... a dream... always...

[GymStock]

Yes, no matter how altruistic we feel, there's still a certain selfish part in us 2 seek out dat eternal emotional connection. It's only human nature. Everyone deserves 2 love n b loved in return. So I can only hope u find ur happiness sooner, than later.

Delon, Thks. Though I am not sure if I can ever find that happiness, especially with regards to finding a guy that I can hv that emotional connection with. As what some might say, there is always a hope.

[lovechub_sg]

Do you find it tiring, to spilt ur time, emotions, (and even cum) between wife and bf? Sometimes I just need a good friend whom I can bare my PLU feelings

[GymStock]

Thanks dude, indeed, most of us got into this thinking we can turn straight one day, or at least get use to it, but really, can be a struggle, and at times, I feel guilty of not giving my partner enough love that she deserves, but I did try my best though

Well, Gd for u, your wife deserved your love to no matter what, as am sure she has given her all to you and the family. Just continue to do your best to love her and the family.

[GymStock]

Do you find it tiring, to spilt ur time, emotions, (and even cum) between wife and bf? Sometimes I just need a good friend whom I can bare my PLU feelings

Hi lovechub, I hv not come to that stage as yet... Cos I don't have any bf to begin with. but I totally am with u about having friend(s) to be able for me to bare/share my gay feelings. This is where my group of friends I hv mentioned earlier. It enable me to keep my sanity or feel normal.

[btm_dude]

I'm a father of 2 in my mid 20s. Glad I found this trend and knowing tt there r so many 'friends' on the same boat.

Well, fell in love & had a shot gun marriage 5yrs ago and happy with my own family so far. but like many of us here I also struggled to get out of gay world before. Especially right after marraige I was so determined to lead back a normal str8 life.

But life's like tt, I gave up on quiting gay only last year after so many yrs of struggling. cos I finally believe if u r born a gay, u r gay, we are born bi we will be bi for life. its the hormones tt are born within us, so what can we do? Can our wife blame us on this if they found this out one day? I just can't stop the 'gay sex craving'. And I thought by enhancing my str8 sex life with my wife it will help. Unfortunately, it can only 'delay' it and she wasn't helping much either. At some point of time I was thinking am I a sex freak or what, y am I such a hunger for satisfaction.

Well, recently I did frequent the suana and attempt to meet up with more PLU. However by just meeting up for sex makes me feel more like a freak and guilty. I don't know how to ease this feeling.

But till now, I nv really have any gay friends or buddy who can talk hearts out with me. I hope I can find one similar bi married guy who can share thoughts and experience of evday life. Better if we could go for outdoor activities like sports. I don't know, but is it the emotional link tt lacks and left me wanting for more?

[delon]

Btmboi: I believe it's both ur enjoyment of the m2m sex n the emotional craving of wanting another guy who understands dat makes u yearn 4 more. Being gay is hard enough but perhaps being bi is worse since u r constantly tormented between the two sexes.

[lovechub_sg]

Being married, there are a lot more at stake. Thats partly why i didnt hv any gay friend and why i dont cruise or go sauna. You guys don't face this problem? What happens if u bump into ur colleagues or relatives in a gay sauna??

[kee_hsiao]

but like many of us here I also struggled to get out of gay world before. Especially right after marraige I was so determined to lead back a normal str8 life.

But life's like tt, I gave up on quiting gay only last year after so many yrs of struggling. cos I finally believe if u r born a gay, u r gay, we are born bi we will be bi for life. its the hormones tt are born within us, so what can we do? Can our wife blame us on this if they found this out one day? I just can't stop the 'gay sex craving'. And I thought by enhancing my str8 sex life with my wife it will help. Unfortunately, it can only 'delay' it and she wasn't helping much either. At some point of time I was thinking am I a sex freak or what, y am I such a hunger for satisfaction.

I feel u!!!! struggled to get out of what I am... not quite successful though.

[Boi1230]

before my fren enlighten me bout the different generation we born in. I always think tht bi are selfish, thinking why they still do such things when they are married, then in the first place should just remain single. Come to think of it, every home has its unseen issues and I guess this is one of it. I do think I am a lucky gay, haven been really bullied cos of my status, in fact my friends who I open up to, accepted me as who I am.

Gymstocky I totally understand the part where your emptiness is able to temporarily filled by friends. Same for me, but still dont talk bout being married or not, as an individual who likes guys, that urge in us wanted to be with someone who can support us emotionally and satisfy our physical needs, tht is wat friends cant fulfil.

Thank you for sharing with us and let us understand more bout married guys.

[btm_dude]

Speaking of which, do u think there is anyone who successfully turn themself totally bi? Haha I know he won't be bere if succeded but any1 knows of some1 who do? Or is there anyone who gave up the struggle and have the recipe to enjoy both worlds?

[btm_dude]

Sorry totally str8 I mean...

[kee_hsiao]

Speaking of which, do u think there is anyone who successfully turn themself totally str8? Haha I know he won't be bere if succeded but any1 knows of some1 who do? Or is there anyone who gave up the struggle and have the recipe to enjoy both worlds?

I will wanna know the recipe too! but then again, that stays as a dream for now. Living the emptiness...

[GymStock]

I'm a father of 2 in my mid 20s. Glad I found this trend and knowing tt there r so many 'friends' on the same boat.

Well, fell in love & had a shot gun marriage 5yrs ago and happy with my own family so far. but like many of us here I also struggled to get out of gay world before. Especially right after marraige I was so determined to lead back a normal str8 life.

But life's like tt, I gave up on quiting gay only last year after so many yrs of struggling. cos I finally believe if u r born a gay, u r gay, we are born bi we will be bi for life. its the hormones tt are born within us, so what can we do? Can our wife blame us on this if they found this out one day? I just can't stop the 'gay sex craving'. And I thought by enhancing my str8 sex life with my wife it will help. Unfortunately, it can only 'delay' it and she wasn't helping much either. At some point of time I was thinking am I a sex freak or what, y am I such a hunger for satisfaction.

Well, recently I did frequent the suana and attempt to meet up with more PLU. However by just meeting up for sex makes me feel more like a freak and guilty. I don't know how to ease this feeling.

But till now, I nv really have any gay friends or buddy who can talk hearts out with me. I hope I can find one similar bi married guy who can share thoughts and experience of evday life. Better if we could go for outdoor activities like sports. I don't know, but is it the emotional link tt lacks and left me wanting for more?

Speaking of which, do u think there is anyone who successfully turn themself totally bi? Haha I know he won't be bere if succeded but any1 knows of some1 who do? Or is there anyone who gave up the struggle and have the recipe to enjoy both worlds?

Welcome btmboi, it is nice to know another bimarried guy in here.

I know what you mean when you say you feel guilty and freaky. Cos I was there b4. I can't exactly remember how I got over it but probably it was when I begin to accept myself that I dont feel that way anymore.

And I too would like to have a bi/gay married friend that we can really bear our hearts out in terms of struggles, family problems and etc. And I don't mean having fun together. Seriously, I wonder how many married guys in here would actually meet up if there is such a gathering.

As for if there are anyone who has successfully become str8, I am not sure, I guess there are only those who can covered it up, suppress it down within them that they are not even in here or any possible gay resources.

[GymStock]

Thank you for sharing with us and let us understand more bout married guys.

U are most welcome and I am glad you get to understand bimarried guys a little more. Though I must say that there are bimarried guys out there who just want nothing but sex and not to have any deeper friendship.

[GymStock]

Being married, there are a lot more at stake. Thats partly why i didnt hv any gay friend and why i dont cruise or go sauna. You guys don't face this problem? What happens if u bump into ur colleagues or relatives in a gay sauna??

I used to struggle about this. But I think if u really meet them there, isn't it good that you have someone that you can be a little open to about being gay/bi. If you dun know that they are gay it also means that they are discreet (to some extent). so they too would want you to hide the secrets from other ppl (relatives or colleagues) u know. If so then u r pretty safe. Right?

[btm_dude]

Do u guys think we can form a group to gather and have some outing once in a while? I mean for anything u guys can think of... I know its quite impossible while having commitments, but I think this is healthy to us...

[GymStock]

Do u guys think we can form a group to gather and have some outing once in a while? I mean for anything u guys can think of... I know its quite impossible while having commitments, but I think this is healthy to us...

I"m ok, just not sure if anyone else is keen and feel safe enough. some I know are quite paranoid about it becos they are so worried they bump into someone they know or etc.

[Snonymous]

Thanks Gymstock & Btmboi's sharing. You guys makes me feel that I was very lucky to wake up from the Dream ("A happy family with a beautiful wife") that i used to have, and it's my right choice to give up a relationship with a nice lady years ago.

Before this, I always thought back and I always blamed myself that why I cannot be a straight guy to love women and having a family, why I always have a FEEL on men instead of women, etc etc... Why I think so because I just want to LOVE openly and naturally, without any disclimination.

Recently i just found out that, that's a stupid perfectionist mind (maybe watched too much drama when I was still young Lolz...). Cos I live for myself, not for others. After reading your lines, I felt more concrete for what I've chosen!!! Who care about how the other people look down on me. Cuz it will be much more painful if I cannot LOVE what I LOVE, or BELIEVE in what I BELIEVE. I always did a wrong choice and blaming myself, hoping there is a rewind for my life. I hope will not be this time.

Anyway, you guys just did a good EXAMPLE for all the bi friends here who may still think that "Oh, just play whatever it is, when getting married everything will back to normal". I hope nobody will do the wrong choice again, no matter under what kind of pressure, lets find a way to release out and solve it. As once married, the issue not only yours, it became other's too (wife or even child).

[iamziz]

My very good friend of 12 years is a married man. I have a few other married men as good friends. All of them have 'our side' as a struggle. When I travel with them, I push them to have fun as it is just too much risk playing in the home country where business partners and families too close.

[huntshare]

Hi.

Am I wrong? I feel contented as a married guy n bi. I love my wife m family. I do have feeling for my wife . Yet I also like guy.

[iamziz]

Hi.

Am I wrong? I feel contented as a married guy n bi. I love my wife m family. I do have feeling for my wife . Yet I also like guy.

I don't think wrong or right is the answer. At the end of the day u need to be comfortable with what u r doing/going through. While doing that, u don't hurt any1 you love. It is a tough thing but do it well, if u could. Same goes the non-married men. Sometimes you just need to zip your pants as much as it begs to get out. As some said, 'U can always get a fxxk but not a friend/lover/spouse etc.' Again, life is such we get into complicated situations. While we are there, we learn to have fun 'wisely'. Every1 gains.

Cheer up

[kee_hsiao]

Do u guys think we can form a group to gather and have some outing once in a while? I mean for anything u guys can think of... I know its quite impossible while having commitments, but I think this is healthy to us...

good idea but tough to arrange for me... sticky fiancee...

[GymStock]

Thanks Gymstock & Btmboi's sharing. You guys makes me feel that I was very lucky to wake up from the Dream ("A happy family with a beautiful wife") that i used to have, and it's my right choice to give up a relationship with a nice lady years ago.

Before this, I always thought back and I always blamed myself that why I cannot be a straight guy to love women and having a family, why I always have a FEEL on men instead of women, etc etc... Why I think so because I just want to LOVE openly and naturally, without any disclimination.

Recently i just found out that, that's a stupid perfectionist mind (maybe watched too much drama when I was still young Lolz...). Cos I live for myself, not for others. After reading your lines, I felt more concrete for what I've chosen!!! Who care about how the other people look down on me. Cuz it will be much more painful if I cannot LOVE what I LOVE, or BELIEVE in what I BELIEVE. I always did a wrong choice and blaming myself, hoping there is a rewind for my life. I hope will not be this time.

Anyway, you guys just did a good EXAMPLE for all the bi friends here who may still think that "Oh, just play whatever it is, when getting married everything will back to normal". I hope nobody will do the wrong choice again, no matter under what kind of pressure, lets find a way to release out and solve it. As once married, the issue not only yours, it became other's too (wife or even child).

Hi Snonymous, I envy you.

Anyway u can be a good example to the rest too, of how you have the resolve to end the relationship with the nice lady. It would be great if you could share how and why did you do it?

[GymStock]

Hi.

Am I wrong? I feel contented as a married guy n bi. I love my wife m family. I do have feeling for my wife . Yet I also like guy.

Hunt share, I believed most of us are like u. So it is not wrong per sey. We are just wired a little differently.