Is Your Relationship Only Built On Sex?

[iamziz]

Is Your Relationship Only Built On SEX?

 

 

Every gay couple deserves to have the best sex they can possible have. If you’re going to be with one person for the rest of your life, you might as well make it worth your while. But in the gay community, chances are, we have seen our fair share of sex. When we find head-spinning, tow-curling, scream-out-loud type of sex, it’s difficult to let it go. Sadly, there are many gay men who define their entire intimate connection on this.

 

If a relationship is created, nourished, and prolonged by amazing sex, it’s always going to end as soon as the sex gets bad. Don’t get me wrong. I love me some good sex (heller!), but nothing is better than having sex with someone you care about. If sex is the only thing keeping you together, you might as well be dating your fuck buddy, not the love of your life.

 

The beginning sets the bar for the entire relationship, most of the time. However, let’s be honest, this is the gay community. In many cases, sex, for us, is like breaking the ice. We abide by different rules than the straight community. Always have, and always will. But despite the fact, there are still many gay men in the world who have either gotten over this phase or have refused to let their penis do the picking, and guess what, these men stand a better chance at connecting to a person heart-to-heart, rather than ass-to- … well, you get my point.

 

A successful relationship is like a tree. You need to plant it first, which isn’t hard. However, it’s the nurturing of it that grows the tallest and strongest of trees. The soil, the water, the sunlight, they all collaborate together. This is the beauty of love. Sure, it takes a lot of work to maintain, but when you and your partner are working together, true intimacy is always going to be the result.

 

Sex should never be used as a cure to heal your lack of affection. Once the sex is over, you’ll be right back where you started: bored and struggling to connect. If this is you, I recommend you take a few days to rethink where you and your lover stand. Are you one another’s blow up doll, or do you truly care about each other? Often times, it’s easy to confuse the two.

 

Good sex messes with our heads. If you’re lucky, it’s almost as if you’re living in a dream. Sensual groping up and down your body gives the illusion of love. When you’re having sex “as if” you’re in love with someone, our brain can play tricks on us. Psychologically, we become connected, living on the fantasy of it all, when really it was just our body’s submissiveness for companionship. This in itself can be addicting. But can it eventually blind us about how we really feel?

 

 

My message is this: be careful with your heart. You only have one. Though there isn’t anything wrong with having great sex with someone who’s willing to satisfy your needs, make sure your heart and body are separate for the time being. The last thing you want to do is fall in love with someone under false pretenses. Build the intimacy before you unleash the tiger to come out and play, otherwise, you might unwillingly be entering into purgatory.

 

Source: http://www.gayguys.com/2013/11/relationship-built-sex/

[upshot]

I can relate to folks who are into all the relationship thingy and people need people. Call it what you like but for me it is biology and builtinto our DNA as a organism to survive and multiply. We who are what we are had decided or you could even say biologically gone our own way and taken a difference path as a creature that will theorectically die out. Imagine some one found a planet for us all to go live in on our own and then cut off all ties to us today. In the next 50 to a hundred years we will have all dies of old age or whatever reason.

 

Exclusive relationship is also you could say something human invented long ago as cavemen or later periods or it was out of neccessities or something thought up out of insevurity..etc. whatever. But again as with the fact that as a creature of heterosexual function in order to grow and multiply, somehow we still broke that cycle and turn....gay. For lack of a better term at this time in my mind.  Okay maybe I am going around in circel here as a lot of thoughts are going around my head from years of reading and analysising things that it makes sense for me at least.

 

Bottom line is , I don't see a need for a relationship as you might envision it or already ingrain in your mind by society or DNA as it was a means to procreate. But if procreation is no longer a biological possibilty, relationship in the way you see it is no longer important in that sense. Hope you know what I mean. But instead I see this as companionship and like a relationbship and support of one good friend towards another. And as for SEX that is but just another something you share more then a sacred DUTY or RITUAL you need as again that was the old ways of doing things.

 

So does that mean we should fuck any guy we like? Yes and No. As with all decisions we make, there are consequences of good and bad. Just like I would like to go play tennis or golf with the same person or group and not want to do the same with another. It is just what I like. that's independence of freedom.But society and the ills of society has brought us STD and AIDS but we can not use that as reason for staying with one as the ONLY reason for relationship. If you take away that equation of AIDS or STD..etc suddenly SEx is very freeing with no shame or moral statement behind it.

 

BUT YES like it or not we have to think of them in part as what human has done can not all be undone till there is a cure for all of them.

 

But for me at this point in time after all the consideration, I am not about LTR I have evolve from that RULE of Society. I like my relationship to be with everyone. Sex can be with everyone BUT i do keep the safety practice of safe sex in my mind. I don't go having sex with just any guy I like. I have my preferences and I also know I have that right to say no if i don't feel like it.

 

May be suggest if you like to go read some of the interesting things from archaelogist and historiean who will tell you in the not too distance history of men. Sex and Living together was communal. We still carry one of the origianl design from that time till today. Do you know why a penis looks the way it does? Why do you think it had a helmet? And why a woman can have multi-orgasm in one session and a man can't ? try to find that out yourself, it is a fancinating read. Including how your sperm works upon the point of orgasm.

[snowball]

relationship is complicated, love alone is not enough, we understand that healthy relationships require more than that, so, there is no right or wrong, only we ourselves know what we need and want most.

[teatree]

That depends on what type of relationship you want.  For LTR, sex must be involved unless both are celibate. 

[upshot]

That depends on what type of relationship you want.  For LTR, sex must be involved unless both are celibate. 

I can't agree to that atuall.. I feel if a LTR is what you want. Sex should not be the main reason for it. If you do, you are for sure to fail.

 

Being bored overtime in a long term relationship effect both str8 and gay in all the same ways. And if sex is your only motivation and one of you get bored with it, you can be sure like a str8 relationship that ends in divorce yours will too. I read someowhere that lesbian divorce are on the rise too in the western world as gay lifetsyle is starting to mature over the years of acceptance. And gay who adopt kids are also finding out that divorce still happens.

Edited March 30, 2015 by upshot

[Guest Tk]

I can't agree to that atuall.. I feel if a LTR is what you want. Sex should not be the main reason for it. If you do, you are for sure to fail.

Eh you cannot read is it?

That depends on what type of relationship you want. For LTR, sex must be involved unless both are celibate.

He said INVOLVED, not the main reason.

[upshot]

Eh you cannot read is it?

He said INVOLVED, not the main reason.

Very sorry my bad bro.....

[bubbledam89]

No sex. Only love. LOL

[Guest Guest]

For my idiotic and stupid ex and probably future ex , it IS ALL about sex and perhaps money too only !!

[lux_aeterna]

So true, so true, thank you for the timely reminder.

 

Often the physical connection can be mistaken as an emotional connection, and when the hard truth hits, it can be very damaging. 

[teatree]

So true, so true, thank you for the timely reminder.

 

Often the physical connection can be mistaken as an emotional connection, and when the hard truth hits, it can be very damaging. 

It is often the physical connection that attracts, then the emotional connection may (or may not) follows.  If your relationship is built on the physical connection first, then it is very likely the relationship will not last.  We grow old, right?

[azimuth]

It is often the physical connection that attracts, then the emotional connection may (or may not) follows.  If your relationship is built on the physical connection first, then it is very likely the relationship will not last.  We grow old, right?

 

I think in the second part, you mean if the relationship is constantly build upon physical connection, am I right?

[teatree]

I think in the second part, you mean if the relationship is constantly build upon physical connection, am I right?

Yep.  A relationship build upon physical connection over emotional connection will not last.  On the other hand, if you like a person for who he is, not on who he has become (physically), then a long term relationship is possible.