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Of Love Struggles & Cries Of A Married Gay Man + Cheating Married Men Leading Dual Life (compiled)


Richard

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Guys, here is the thing: Do NOT ever get involved with a married man no matter how attracted you are to him and vice versa. At the end of it all, you deserve someone who will treat you with respect and love, and be proud of it, and not hide you in the closet, because you deserve better than that.

If you accept the terms of the being with married man, then deal the consequences instead of whining about it. Taking revenge will not really erase the pain and hurt he has caused in your life. You got to be responsible for your own actions. You entered into a relationship/liaison with a married man. He can be the bastard, a complete douchebag, but it was a choice you've made. You can do everything to destroy his life, but you've got to keep in mind, you made that choice from the beginning. Nobody forced you to be with him. Relationships end all the time for various reasons. Focus your energy on being a better person. I know it is easier said than done. But when you start accepting your share of responsibility on the choice you've made, you will realise that it is what it is.

Having said that, the other thing important about relationships is the balance of power. Be financially independently. Have some self-respect. If someone wants to take you shopping and everything, you can fall for it knowing that there will be a price to pay. Nothing is ever free in life. I know of guys who had to subservient just because some sugar daddy is paying for their "fabulous" life here in New York. Without going into details, these financially well-to-do guys know they can get away with it, simply because they can afford it. And many of these young guys, fall for it, only to realise once they hit a certain age, they are replaced quickly or when they show too much independence.

Always demonstrate to yourself that you can live in a world without the other guy paying for it. Sure, the clothes may not be from Gucci, or vacations will mean some place closer to home instead of some exotic location, but at least you can be sure that there is that balance of power. Your life will go on without him. Having him around is just an added bonus and you can live without when that bonus is spent.

Closeted married men, to me, already have enough internalised emotional issues, having to marry for the sake of hiding their homosexuality and maintain the facade of a heterosexual is stressful. It comes down simply to a choice. Continue with the stress and the facade or come clean and come out. Sure you will hurt some people around you, but better do it sooner, and have them get over it, than you hurting yourself in the long run and everyone else in the process. People cannot hold it against you for being honest to them and to yourself. Once you are honest to them, expectations are managed.

So quit whining. Be responsible for your own actions and focus the energy to be a better man.

Love. 

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Having been with a married man before...... i learn one thing... u have to let go.

in the end.... 99.9% of the time he will choose his family over his "boytoy" that's just the way it works here... gay relationships are still taboo. hence... it all just physical.

Hi

I have read in this forum whereby there were many opinion express about married man having a family and a bf at the same time. Most of the opinion expressed is that it is doomed to fail from the start. The main reason being that it is not fair to the family and to the bf. There were many reasons given : time factor, being left alone on weekend, morality, etc.

In comparison, there are many straight man that have mistress and they even have an external family with children. Many of these families are happily living their lives with the husband being shared by 2 families. In most cases, the wife may not be aware that the husband has a mistress and family until he pass away when all parties meets during the funeral.

Why then is it so hard/difficult for married man to have a bf? Shouldn't it be more easy since there will never be an issue of children? Is man more complicated than girl? Or we self defeat ourselves from the start because we think it is not feasible to have such a relationship?

I know there are many failed couple but why they failed in comparison with straight man having mistress.

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Guys, here is the thing: Do NOT ever get involved with a married man no matter how attracted you are to him and vice versa. At the end of it all, you deserve someone who will treat you with respect and love, and be proud of it, and not hide you in the closet, because you deserve better than that.

If you accept the terms of the being with married man, then deal the consequences instead of whining about it. Taking revenge will not really erase the pain and hurt he has caused in your life. You got to be responsible for your own actions. You entered into a relationship/liaison with a married man. He can be the bastard, a complete douchebag, but it was a choice you've made. You can do everything to destroy his life, but you've got to keep in mind, you made that choice from the beginning. Nobody forced you to be with him. Relationships end all the time for various reasons. Focus your energy on being a better person. I know it is easier said than done. But when you start accepting your share of responsibility on the choice you've made, you will realise that it is what it is.

Having said that, the other thing important about relationships is the balance of power. Be financially independently. Have some self-respect. If someone wants to take you shopping and everything, you can fall for it knowing that there will be a price to pay. Nothing is ever free in life. I know of guys who had to subservient just because some sugar daddy is paying for their "fabulous" life here in New York. Without going into details, these financially well-to-do guys know they can get away with it, simply because they can afford it. And many of these young guys, fall for it, only to realise once they hit a certain age, they are replaced quickly or when they show too much independence.

Always demonstrate to yourself that you can live in a world without the other guy paying for it. Sure, the clothes may not be from Gucci, or vacations will mean some place closer to home instead of some exotic location, but at least you can be sure that there is that balance of power. Your life will go on without him. Having him around is just an added bonus and you can live without when that bonus is spent.

Closeted married men, to me, already have enough internalised emotional issues, having to marry for the sake of hiding their homosexuality and maintain the facade of a heterosexual is stressful. It comes down simply to a choice. Continue with the stress and the facade or come clean and come out. Sure you will hurt some people around you, but better do it sooner, and have them get over it, than you hurting yourself in the long run and everyone else in the process. People cannot hold it against you for being honest to them and to yourself. Once you are honest to them, expectations are managed.

So quit whining. Be responsible for your own actions and focus the energy to be a better man.

Good sense! :thumb:

** Comments are my opinions, same as yours. It's not a 'Be-All-and-End-All' view. Intent's to thought-provoke, validate, reiterate and yes, even correct. Opinion to consider but agree to disagree. I don't enjoy conflicted exchanges, empty bravado or egoistical chest pounding. It's never personal, tribalistic or with malice. Frank by nature, means, I never bend the truth. Views are to broaden understanding - Updated: Nov 2021.

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Gay double standard. That's all. They think they are victimised by the straight guys but they victimise the married bi guys.

Hi

I have read in this forum whereby there were many opinion express about married man having a family and a bf at the same time. Most of the opinion expressed is that it is doomed to fail from the start. The main reason being that it is not fair to the family and to the bf. There were many reasons given : time factor, being left alone on weekend, morality, etc.

In comparison, there are many straight man that have mistress and they even have an external family with children. Many of these families are happily living their lives with the husband being shared by 2 families. In most cases, the wife may not be aware that the husband has a mistress and family until he pass away when all parties meets during the funeral.

Why then is it so hard/difficult for married man to have a bf? Shouldn't it be more easy since there will never be an issue of children? Is man more complicated than girl? Or we self defeat ourselves from the start because we think it is not feasible to have such a relationship?

I know there are many failed couple but why they failed in comparison with straight man having mistress.

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Gay double standard. That's all. They think they are victimised by the straight guys but they victimise the married bi guys.

You don;t know how true you hit home with that one. heh. They find it sooo hard to see why social str8 are so stupid and dumb not to see that there is a natural-ness about same sex sexuality to the point now that they gain a minute amount of acceptances.. they now think they have evolve enough to be just as sanctimonious as the str8 in "knowing" what is natural or not. WTF. But at the same time I have to qualify that NOT all of the gay population are like that. But I just feel that if those among them don't take up issue with those among them that do, it is disappointing.

Edited by upshot

** Comments are my opinions, same as yours. It's not a 'Be-All-and-End-All' view. Intent's to thought-provoke, validate, reiterate and yes, even correct. Opinion to consider but agree to disagree. I don't enjoy conflicted exchanges, empty bravado or egoistical chest pounding. It's never personal, tribalistic or with malice. Frank by nature, means, I never bend the truth. Views are to broaden understanding - Updated: Nov 2021.

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There's good discussion and sharing of viewpoints here. I'm also a married but unlike most, I'm already 62. I do not consider myself "over the hills"' as I consider myself still sexually active. I jog and go the gym regularly to keep my body in good form. I've a good family and I cherish that. Having read the bw articles and sharing of stories, I do sometimes fantasize how I wish I could be young again and experience the ropes of what it takes to be like one of the brothers here. Women once they have attained menopause are less likely to be interested in sex and so the married men become lonely. Any views on this?

I think we are in the same boat, care to contact me to have a chat?

Edited by Greygolfer
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.....fxxk me raw a few times even and one day with no indication of ending fxxk me raw and disappeared from my life

.....

well...you did agree to do raw with him, didn't you? not as if he forced you. Have you ever found out what is the reason he disappeared? Would things have been different if after the final sex and he tells you straight in the face "Hey i don't love you anymore, lets end"?

like what you said, you wished emotions is something that can be explain n controlled well... he also cannot explain if one day he just felt that he don't love you anymore. Or that he felt guilty towards his wife.

.... i am actually very proud of this legacy i did..........

ya, you should be proud that you ruined the life of someone who once fxxed you raw. and more importantly, you should be so proud that you gave a deep scar to his wife.

while i am not saying what he did was right, but i disagree with what you did.

At the end of the day, ask yourself what is the real motive of outing him to his wife? deep inside (during that time), not even the slightest thought of him "Losing everything, and come running back to you" exist?

there are rules to dating a married man. No. 1 being: one should never expect too much. from what i read, you were the one who fell deep. and yet he have to pay the price.

you were hurt and bitter then, but you have since healed, moved on and is happily attached now.

he lost his marriage, and i assumed he lost his job, and stopped going to church. (who would not quit after such an ordeal?)

How can his wife get over the fact that the person sleeping next to her, having sex with her, in truth... likes guys? (i know it best, my close friend's hubby out himself to her last time)

time healed you. but what he lost, cannot be healed by time.

though i understand that what you did then was because you were bitter, and were blinded by hate. but shouldn't you look back now, to realise what you did to him then was not 100% right? rather than being so proud of what you did to him then, and rallying for supporters.

ya.. you are happily attached now. try letting your current bf read what you typed above....

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Guest Hornie...

wow, are you good looking?

what's your stats like?

Anyway, your story is a shame, but I'm not sure if you're telling the whole story.

Sigh, this can happen the other way round. I am married and from Malaysia came here to work. The pay was lousy and the job bad. One day he met me and chased me. He started to know my misery and step by step he chased me. First he let me live at his flat for free.He buy me expensive things and give me money. I accepted and slowly step by step ended up in his bed. Long story but I was impressed by his patience and caring. He was plain looking but still fit looking. Not my type. But slowly I even let him fxxk me after he started showing me Jap pxxn and promised me it will be very shiok.

At first I didn't like him but slowly after so much sweetness and sex with him, I began to love him like those cases for arranged marriage. I began to want sex with him a lot. He was a good fxxker and taught me many ways to enjoy being a bottom. He became more and more rough with me and I learn to like his roughness that was so different from the tender caring sex when we first started. Because I was older than him, he used to respect me a lot. Now it became sometimes he make me totally naked whole day to serve him coffee and beer and he will make me sit with legs open and he'll push baby carrot into me. He'll fxxk me doggy and not cum and make me wait for him to drink his beer then carry on.

He told me I am now his sex slave and I thought it was fun so I accepted everything he done to me. He liked to watch me doing exercised like pumping then start to touch my muscles. But he's lazy to do exercises with me.

Suddenly one day when I came home, all my bags were all outside his flat and he changed the locks!!! I was shocked but he did not answer my calls. Only left a piece of paper telling me he got new bf. I was shocked that he became so heartless like animal.

I left and had to find a $8 hostel to stay. The next week I tried to talk to him but he told me he got new bf and don't trouble him anymore. He will not take back the things he gave me and I already benefited so much from him.

Like junxiang, at my age of 40+ I am matured about this and take this whole thing as a lesson learn. I felt so so sad that everything he promised me all meant nothing and I got real feelings for him after he chased me. I missed having sex with him and now I need to find the kinds of sex with other men. Only now I only want the sex and not the love. I looked for fxxk buddies. If anyone can satisfy me, I will cling to him and let him fxxk anytime he want. I can never turn back and be my old self any more.

You can never understand how junxiang and oncegayalwaysgay and I feel from just a few words here. I felt stupid, used, helpless and unbelieving that he can be so heartless. If he only used my body it will be not so bad. But to make me fall in love with him and believing that I can still love a 牛粪( he said it before, not me) and so romantic fairy tale. To accepting the ways he treated me as a sex slave and still belief in love fairy tales. Like he scolded me, "nobody can make you do it leh since you so big sized, you willing do it leh, how can you blame me one. You can easily get new bf also.". I bitterly accepted it and moved on until I read this happening to others.

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You're a bunny boiler.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bunny_boiler

Anyone who meet you will be very 'sway'.

To all you bunny boilers, go get a life. or rather, go meet satan

if i dare to write here about it means i m not afraid of wat other ppl say already

and yes whenever i read such stories of how the mistress so shameless show up at the house or make a scene to the press like liang zhi qiang case, i m sorry i won't pity him,he deserve it! yes i pity the wife

but who will pity me?

if someone can go through all these just to take revenge, u can imagine how hurt i was then!

i was not even a sunday church goer yet he always encourage me to go church and even ask me to join him

of course i felt he is god sent! hahahhaha. anyway i m still not a sunday church goer till now

but i m glad i took the revenge look at the bright side, he is now openly gay and can live as a gay person rather than hide his identity now

now i want to see wat is this acjc principal case like............

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Guest Hornie...

I was just gonna post that there's no reasoning with these bunny boilers.

Even more ironic when I see your handle is 'Logic'

These people where got 'Logic'?

It's just part of statistics.

If you date 20, you're bound to meet 1 or 2 like these.

One word - 'sway!'

well...you did agree to do raw with him, didn't you? not as if he forced you. Have you ever found out what is the reason he disappeared? Would things have been different if after the final sex and he tells you straight in the face "Hey i don't love you anymore, lets end"?

like what you said, you wished emotions is something that can be explain n controlled well... he also cannot explain if one day he just felt that he don't love you anymore. Or that he felt guilty towards his wife.

ya, you should be proud that you ruined the life of someone who once fxxed you raw. and more importantly, you should be so proud that you gave a deep scar to his wife.

while i am not saying what he did was right, but i disagree with what you did.

At the end of the day, ask yourself what is the real motive of outing him to his wife? deep inside (during that time), not even the slightest thought of him "Losing everything, and come running back to you" exist?

there are rules to dating a married man. No. 1 being: one should never expect too much. from what i read, you were the one who fell deep. and yet he have to pay the price.

you were hurt and bitter then, but you have since healed, moved on and is happily attached now.

he lost his marriage, and i assumed he lost his job, and stopped going to church. (who would not quit after such an ordeal?)

How can his wife get over the fact that the person sleeping next to her, having sex with her, in truth... likes guys? (i know it best, my close friend's hubby out himself to her last time)

time healed you. but what he lost, cannot be healed by time.

though i understand that what you did then was because you were bitter, and were blinded by hate. but shouldn't you look back now, to realise what you did to him then was not 100% right? rather than being so proud of what you did to him then, and rallying for supporters.

ya.. you are happily attached now. try letting your current bf read what you typed above....

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you deserve it, i did the same thing to another married who i see for 3 months and can say i love u even

fxxk me raw a few times even and one day with no indication of ending fxxk me raw and disappeared from my life

i was totally heart broken

i totally seek revenge

i went to search for his flat and waited at his car, put all our photos n facts on it and his wife saw

call his nos when i know its his family day together every weekend until he got to change his nos

i went to his church to look for him and told his wife who i m

i went to his work place area where he always eat, i pour coffee over his clothes in front of his colleagues and told them this is the fxxking idiot who is a fxxking gay and yet so irresponsible and walk off

now i m happy, he is just like u , lost everything!

guys, becareful who ppl like such ppl who toil your feeling!

omg, arse hole......

u think u are smart and cool to screw up people's life..? your brain is filled with semen, nothng else.. this is the risk you have to take when u r gay, u know more about your man before you fxxk.. not fxxk first when u r itchy and screw people life later, man whore..

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Well put, C.

Can you write another post about bunny boilers? (I'm serious)

I'd really love to hear your POV.

Thanks.

Hornie.

(This is not my real handle. Who would like to post here with theirs when it's crawling with bunny boilers. Duh...)

Guys, here is the thing: Do NOT ever get involved with a married man no matter how attracted you are to him and vice versa. At the end of it all, you deserve someone who will treat you with respect and love, and be proud of it, and not hide you in the closet, because you deserve better than that.

If you accept the terms of the being with married man, then deal the consequences instead of whining about it. Taking revenge will not really erase the pain and hurt he has caused in your life. You got to be responsible for your own actions. You entered into a relationship/liaison with a married man. He can be the bastard, a complete douchebag, but it was a choice you've made. You can do everything to destroy his life, but you've got to keep in mind, you made that choice from the beginning. Nobody forced you to be with him. Relationships end all the time for various reasons. Focus your energy on being a better person. I know it is easier said than done. But when you start accepting your share of responsibility on the choice you've made, you will realise that it is what it is.

Having said that, the other thing important about relationships is the balance of power. Be financially independently. Have some self-respect. If someone wants to take you shopping and everything, you can fall for it knowing that there will be a price to pay. Nothing is ever free in life. I know of guys who had to subservient just because some sugar daddy is paying for their "fabulous" life here in New York. Without going into details, these financially well-to-do guys know they can get away with it, simply because they can afford it. And many of these young guys, fall for it, only to realise once they hit a certain age, they are replaced quickly or when they show too much independence.

Always demonstrate to yourself that you can live in a world without the other guy paying for it. Sure, the clothes may not be from Gucci, or vacations will mean some place closer to home instead of some exotic location, but at least you can be sure that there is that balance of power. Your life will go on without him. Having him around is just an added bonus and you can live without when that bonus is spent.

Closeted married men, to me, already have enough internalised emotional issues, having to marry for the sake of hiding their homosexuality and maintain the facade of a heterosexual is stressful. It comes down simply to a choice. Continue with the stress and the facade or come clean and come out. Sure you will hurt some people around you, but better do it sooner, and have them get over it, than you hurting yourself in the long run and everyone else in the process. People cannot hold it against you for being honest to them and to yourself. Once you are honest to them, expectations are managed.

So quit whining. Be responsible for your own actions and focus the energy to be a better man.

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Well put, C.

Can you write another post about bunny boilers? (I'm serious)

I'd really love to hear your POV.

Thanks.

Hornie.

(This is not my real handle. Who would like to post here with theirs when it's crawling with bunny boilers. Duh...)

What can I say about Bunny Boilers...?

I think many a times these people forget one important thing when the relationship ended, and they go all bunny boiler: They forget their own responsibility. Instead, they blame the other person for causing them all the emotional distress, the pain, the hurt etc. They focused on being the victim. The rationale behind all their thinking is this: "You hurt me, so i have to hurt you back." What they don't realise and think about is that in the very first place, when you enter into a relationship with anybody, you've already made yourself vulnerable. This is what makes a relationship a relationship. You expose yourself emotionally to that person. You made the choice to do so. Nobody forced you to make that decision. You chose. So accept and deal with the consequences of your decision.

We all make mistakes and we got to own up to those mistakes, learn from them and move on. When you don't own up to them, and blame others for your mistake and bad decisions, you will never learn or grow. You just stagnate emotionally and mentally and will keep repeating the same behavioral pattern. Taking revenge on the guy who hurt you simply says to me you are not owning up to the mistake.

Instead of admitting to themselves, "OK, so I've made a mistake. I've made a bad choice/decision. I am responsible for my own emotional well-being..." they acted out by absolving themselves of responsibility to themselves and blame everything on the guy who broke their heart. They become victims of their own doing, as these bunny boilers have posted proudly on this message board.

So to all bunny boilers out there, learn to love yourself. Many of the actions you have done to even out the score is not about loving yourself. You act out of pain, hurt, anger, and you extend those negative emotions beyond the person who hurt you. The guy's family, his career etc. And you are responsible for hurting those, because you made the choice.

You just got to believe in yourself that someone better is going to come along and who will treat you with all the love and respect you deserve. Focus your time and energies on yourself instead of wasting on a man who is not worth it. You got to know when to let go. Taking revenge is clinging on to pain. Let it go.

No one is perfect. That is a reality. So man up. Be responsible, and don't go after married men ever again.

Edited by chelseasian

Love. 

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How can his wife get over the fact that the person sleeping next to her, having sex with her, in truth... likes guys? (i know it best, my close friend's hubby out himself to her last time)

my str8 friend's wife, 3 yrs into their marriage, filed for divorce and left him for another woman. He was devastated, completely humiliated, left his church, avoided his family, his business folded, declared bankrupt and hates gays & lesbians. He hardly talks about it, possibly due to his bruised ego and self perceived failure. 5 yrs on he is still trying to pick himself up but the bitterness never really abated nor the betrayal forgotten.

more often we hear the self-validating whinings of a select few, but do spare a lot more thought for the other lives that are/will be scarred and ruined in the process of your carnal trips.

... journey through my fractured mind,

a fragment at a time...

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Guest Not so Hornie after lunch

Thank you for that, C.

Good advice for the soul.

Appreciate you took the time.

What can I say about Bunny Boilers...?

I think many a times these people forget one important thing when the relationship ended, and they go all bunny boiler: They forget their own responsibility. Instead, they blame the other person for causing them all the emotional distress, the pain, the hurt etc. They focused on being the victim. The rationale behind all their thinking is this: "You hurt me, so i have to hurt you back." What they don't realise and think about is that in the very first place, when you enter into a relationship with anybody, you've already made yourself vulnerable. This is what makes a relationship a relationship. You expose yourself emotionally to that person. You made the choice to do so. Nobody forced you to make that decision. You chose. So accept and deal with the consequences of your decision.

We all make mistakes and we got to own up to those mistakes, learn from them and move on. When you don't own up to them, and blame others for your mistake and bad decisions, you will never learn or grow. You just stagnate emotionally and mentally and will keep repeating the same behavioral pattern. Taking revenge on the guy who hurt you simply says to me you are not owning up to the mistake.

Instead of admitting to themselves, "OK, so I've made a mistake. I've made a bad choice/decision. I am responsible for my own emotional well-being..." they acted out by absolving themselves of responsibility to themselves and blame everything on the guy who broke their heart. They become victims of their own doing, as these bunny boilers have posted proudly on this message board.

So to all bunny boilers out there, learn to love yourself. Many of the actions you have done to even out the score is not about loving yourself. You act out of pain, hurt, anger, and you extend those negative emotions beyond the person who hurt you. The guy's family, his career etc. And you are responsible for hurting those, because you made the choice.

You just got to believe in yourself that someone better is going to come along and who will treat you with all the love and respect you deserve. Focus your time and energies on yourself instead of wasting on a man who is not worth it. You got to know when to let go. Taking revenge is clinging on to pain. Let it go.

No one is perfect. That is a reality. So man up. Be responsible, and don't go after married men ever again.

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Guest guest21

ppl who are not in my shoes will never know the hurt i went through!

everything so sweet by him and suddenly he is disappeared without a word, no replies from sms, no pick up my calls

ppl will always judge from tv series, that the mistress is always the bad one, its the foxy devil, they will condamn the mistress, she deserve it!

now i was once the mistress i do not think this way anymore, u think i want to be the mistress? u think i want all these to happen to me? you think i can predict?

ppl will always say u jolly well know he is married yet u still go with him? you deserve it!

i wish emotions is something that can be explain n controlled well. He was so sweet and nice to me that i just fell

logger heads into it...........

who would have thought a fellow christian will do this to another fellow christian again.......

yes i was revengeful, i was all out to be!

i m not sure if i m the first or the how many victims in his life

but i told myself i m going to be so revengeful that he will forever regret ever doing such a thing to another gay fellow and knowing me!

i want him to loose and get as much hurt as possible of how i feel!

i want him never to do this to another fellow gay again

that was years ago and i m very happy now, i don't care wat ppl say, i know i did the right thing to teach this guy a lesson from toying us gays!

i did see him on the streets some time back, well he is now out of shape, and thinning hair, face looks haggard, totally not my type anymore, no more feelings!

and i m happily attached!

Did he come and seek revenge for what you have done to him ?

I knew of a guy who did the same thing to me too; he was married and have a wife and 2 kids but he did not tell me.

All the while I thought he was not married and we have raw sex ; he was the top most of the time.

I have been taking care of him , pay for most of the meals and even help him to find job and spend money on him like clothes and holidays as financially he did not earn much.

Later on he left me and told me the truth after missing for a week.

He said he love me , but he does not want me to know the truth as he is afraid that he may lose my love.

I was vert upset and had been struggling whether to take revenge as I have the means to do so. I have ways to send him to jail as he has done some illegal things and I can seperate the wife from him and also I have photos of us being intimate on bed.

But till now , I have not let anger over take me.

In the end, I even helped him financially and hope that one day he will know that who is his true love. And hopefully one day , we can be together again.

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Guest onceagayalwaysgay

Did he come and seek revenge for what you have done to him ?

I knew of a guy who did the same thing to me too; he was married and have a wife and 2 kids but he did not tell me.

All the while I thought he was not married and we have raw sex ; he was the top most of the time.

I have been taking care of him , pay for most of the meals and even help him to find job and spend money on him like clothes and holidays as financially he did not earn much.

Later on he left me and told me the truth after missing for a week.

He said he love me , but he does not want me to know the truth as he is afraid that he may lose my love.

I was vert upset and had been struggling whether to take revenge as I have the means to do so. I have ways to send him to jail as he has done some illegal things and I can seperate the wife from him and also I have photos of us being intimate on bed.

But till now , I have not let anger over take me.

In the end, I even helped him financially and hope that one day he will know that who is his true love. And hopefully one day , we can be together again.

Hi Guest21

nope i don't think he got the means to seek revenge back on me, i have nothing to loose compare to him

i do my own business where else he is employed and i ridiculed him in front of his colleagues who does not know he is gay

my family knows i m gay but his family does not but by now knows he is after i called up his family home to in form the mother how heartless her son is to me

i have no wife but he has and his wife left him after told her who i m at his church and showed her the photos we are together

he wouldn't dare report to the police in the first place becos he does not want his family to knows he is gay then

so all in all there is nothing for him to take revenge of me, he does not even know where i stay :P

all in all i want him to know we gays are not to be taken lightly by toying our feelings.

as much as ppl can say we should not get involved with married men, things happen and its beyond emotional controls, i m not a bunny boiler

I have given him lots of chances to explain to me what happen after countless sms and phone calls, but he chose to ignore me totally

I had even warn him through sms what i will do, but he fell a deaf ear, so be it, once i can say it out, i will do it

until now he never even said a word sorry..........well just like the song APOLOGISE,its too late to apologise.......its too late!

after the revenge i took on him, seriously i was very happy and seriously i never expect it to be so successful either and by now of course i move on

i have archieved wat i did and i m seriously very glad to prove to him that u have mess with the wrong person

this will seriously teach him a very good lesson, he simply deserve it then :>

I will be responsible for all my actions but i certainly am not responsible to be hurt this way by him then :>

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I will be responsible for all my actions but i certainly am not responsible to be hurt this way by him then :>

Oncegayalwaysgay, yes you are responsible for yourself to be hurt this way by him because you made the choice to be emotionally vulnerable with him. It is what we do when we get into relationships.

You are a bunny boiler like it or not as your revenge behavior exhibited every trait. I look at this way, you did what you had to do back then to the best of your life experiences. You acted out because at that moment in time, you were not able to think of alternate options. You were focused on the pain and mismanagement of expectations.

I am glad you are in a much better place now. So, move on and avoid ruining another person's life.

Edited by chelseasian

Love. 

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nope i don't think he got the means to seek revenge back on me, i have nothing to loose compare to him

by taking away everything he had from him, wouldnt that make him the same as you - nothing to loose as well?

you are lucky that he didnt take his revenge on you.

:thumb: When I Think It, I Do It, I Win It! :thumb:

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Just a question of mine.

If a married man in the case of Oncegayalwaysgay is the guy who always tries to play "love game" with some young and innocent boys, after taking advantages enough and left the boys desperate, lost ... will everyone here still let him go away easily to continue his "fetish" ? :unsure: or agree that it is better to have a guy such Oncegayalwaysgay teaching him a lesson of his life ??? :wacko:

In life, there are things you do, and things you don't do so for married men, be aware of such situations.

I used to be asked by a married man a question "If I leave my family, my work and everything behind to start with you a new life, will you love me and be with me forever ?" :(

Sometimes, the greatest journey is the distance between two people

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Guest My thoughts

I used to be asked by a married man a question "If I leave my family, my work and everything behind to start with you a new life, will you love me and be with me forever ?" :(

I would say Yes. If I know both parties are committed into a lifelong relationship with each other.

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Guest onceagayalwaysgay

Just a question of mine.

If a married man in the case of Oncegayalwaysgay is the guy who always tries to play "love game" with some young and innocent boys, after taking advantages enough and left the boys desperate, lost ... will everyone here still let him go away easily to continue his "fetish" ? :unsure: or agree that it is better to have a guy such Oncegayalwaysgay teaching him a lesson of his life ??? :wacko:

In life, there are things you do, and things you don't do so for married men, be aware of such situations.

I used to be asked by a married man a question "If I leave my family, my work and everything behind to start with you a new life, will you love me and be with me forever ?" :(

One thing I must make myself clear

its not right for such married men to go scott free, to abuse my love and feelings for him, fxxk me raw, toy my feelings and say I love you and then after one more raw sex and just disappeared after 6 months of relationship without a word/explaination!!!!!!

I never ask him to leave his family/wife for me, I was totally ok with such a relationship

What I cannot believe is how heartless he can be to leave me after all the things i done for him

I had other breakup with my ex bfs too but none was really bitter and none make me feel that they are heartless becos we talk about the breakup and ended it, none make me feel like taking any revenge of any sort

But this married man totally was very heartless to me, I simply told myself this has got to stop and teach this fellow a lesson becos after he left, i see him all the time in websites and meeting others, I even see him with new guys in shopping center!

Thats where i told myself i will personally seek revenge to teach this fellow a lesson, I am not just another gay who he can just toy with and then dumped!

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Guest Ironrod

No Love

I feel for some of your pain and I dedicate this song to my brothers whom got hurt during the journey of seeking true love.

In our life we will meet different people and sometimes we will get hurt.

I hope we will use these life experiences and make ourselves a better/stronger man.

Being a real man is not just muscles and cock - it take courage, valor and a lot of guts to be one.

Stay strong and take care.

Edited by Ironrod
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I was 26 when I first met C in his shop. He was 33 then.

I remembered that was the time when I decided to redecor my room into something more cosy. I decided to throw away all those

Ikea furnitures my mother had bought for me, and changed them all to teak wood. That time, the Balinese lifestyle seems to in trend.

That early Sunday afternoon, my team Captain called me, informing me the afternoon's dragonboat training have to be cancelled, due to the very heavy rain, the cat. 1 lightning, and the rough waves.

Bored, I decided to roam an area which I always wanted to explore but didnt have time to.

That area has many shophouses , that have a few interesting restaurants and lifestyle shops. One particular shop, caught my eye. Since it sells Balinese teak furniture, I decided to drop in .

I could sense the owner of this shop, took pride in what he was doing, as seen from his shop decor and his tasteful selection of furnitures, which was unlike the other teak shops I went to.

No one was in, so I took the liberty to browse throught the shop, since it was opened.

" Hello" said a gentle voice of a male. Standing behind me was this 6ft tall man, stocky, with a radiant clean cut face.

The moment I saw him the first time, something strange struck me, thought I have seen him and know him before somewhere.

He intro himself was C, owner of the shop....was a draughmen/graphic designer, who left his boring job, and started a furniture shop with his wife, a teacher, which always had being his interest - wood and carpentry.

Many of the furniture pieces were designed by himself personlly, which I found, suited my taste.

I was in this shop always an hour and he was pretty impressed with my knowledge of furniture design, wood nature and asked me if I was a designer.

He asked me if I could come back next week, as he needed to close the shop for awhile, to fetch his wife and his three year old daughter from her afternoon church session.

For the next few days, C's image kept appearing in my mind. I was strangely drawn towards him, nothing sexual, but I was sure that I knew him from somewhere before.

Two weeks later I dropped by the shop. His wife, E was there; a simple sweet lady with their three old daughter T in the shop.

What I like about C and E, was that not only they looked so compatible, they were very natural hosts, who made you very comfortable to browse their shop or ask any questions, whether you were buying anything or not, without any prejudges.

E was 3 months into her second pregnancy. The couple found that it was strange that their daughter T had an instant affiliation with me, as she was naturally very shy with strangers and would not allow anyone to touch her.

I learned that we all were living around in the nearby neighbour in close vicinity.

In the end, I bought 3 big and 2 small items from them and paid half the deposit.

It was arranged that the delievery date was due three weeks from now.

Within the three weeks, I received a few calls from C, asking me to meet up with him for a late night drink at a coffee shop near our place. So we did meet up, with E not around.

When the delievery date was very due, he called me up to apologize that due to the avaliablity of smaller vehicle, the delievery had to be done twice.

I remember it was on a Wednesday evening he delievered the three big items with two other Indian chaps, then left shortly.

On Saturday evening, he brought the other two smaller items by himself in a smaller pickup van. He called me to come downstairs if i could help him to carry the stuff up to my apartment.

No one was in that night.

After arranging the furnitures, he stopped to look at the view out of my window.

Because I live on a very high floor with an unblocked view, many found the view breathtaking.

As we were talking and watching the view together, he moved closer to me, and all out of the sudden, he wrapped his arms around me from the back and started to breath down into my neck.

I did not resist but allowed him to advance his intimacy, while in my mind, I felt very strongly that I had knew him from somewhere, but I just can't figure out where.

Thus, we ended up having sex in my room, on the bed, I bought from him.

After the session ended, we were not embarrassed what had happened, but infact, were glad that it happened as it laid our cards down, to be out with each other.

We headed to our usual meeting point and it was from there I learned a few things from him.

He said that the moment he saw me walking into his shop the first time, he felt an instant connection with me that he could reveal and relate many things inside of him, more than he could with his wife. He was disappointed when I said I would return to his shop a week later but didn't. He was waiting for me to reappear almost everyday. When i finally did, he was very happy to see me again but had to contain himself in his wife's presence. The reason why he stopped attending the Church was that they made him felt very guilty about his sexuality. By nature he was a bisexual, thus when caught in a crossfire, torn in between two worlds, yet have to choose one but have to painfully forego the other, this choice to him, was a suffering. The reason he married E was out of gratitude, because her family had once help his out of a financial difficult. The reason was more of family persuasion and for procreation.

No doubt I felt a strong connection with this man, but did I grew found of him slowly, was it because I pity his suffering, or was it because, there was some love between me and him?

I think at that age and at that stage of my life, it was more like this connection I was holding on to, which i couldn't explain, and was about myself all the time.

The incandestine affair between me and C went on for about 5 months. During that period, I either meet him at our usual place, sneaked over his house when E was staying over her mother's place with T, or have brief but quality intimate moments in his shop.

Sometimes T was in shop. She was forbidden to play at the back of the shop where the dangerous tools and chemicals were kept ( where we were intimate).

When i was about to left the shop and sometimes when T around, it made me guilty to look into a child's eyes, who trusted me so much to cuddle her, yet I just had sex with her father.

As E progressed into her pregnancy, we saw less of each other but talked more over the phone.

It is hard to even trust or even understand someone when he says he loves you, yet he doesn't have time to see you anymore.

However, the intimate moments were still as intense as ever, its just that the little time spent, angered me to think that how selfish a married or a bisexual was.

Its like 7 out of 10 appointments he proposed to meet, he would cancelled just 20mins before we meet.

It was then the threshold of tolerance begin to be brittle, as slowly, it amounted to a rage I had for him.

I really wanted to ask him what was going on. Was it me or her he wanted.

Was I out to destroy him? I think I was about to do that point in my life

As I headed towards his shop, in full rage, suddenly, this scene in the shop, struck and almost paralyzed me, as I watched them from a corner, hidden from their view

E was already 8th months pregnant. He was taken a break from his work. They sat together on a bench while she was wiping off the pespiration off his face and she fed him lunch. Little T was dancing around like a ballerina.

It was a potrait of a happy family captured in my mind almost in an instance. The famous "to be or not to be " question lingered in my mind for awhile.

Should I enter the shop, question him and break the family up because of my rage, or should I just let them be happy, as a family?

10mins passed

My subtle enlightment came to me as I heard a voice whispered...when you let him go and have their own happiness and freedom, you too will be rewarded and earn your own freedom....

E was innocent, the unborn baby was innocent, T was innocent, so why should they suffer just because I couldn't get what I desired? Why should they bare the undesirable consequences of their indecisive father? Wasn't I, too ,an active participant who contributed to the whole drama?

Actually it doesn't matter who loves C, whether was it E or me, as long as he was happy. doesn't really matter what I think?

Thus as I decided to walk away, the further I walked, the lighter I felt, the happier I was.

He did called me a few days later, but I chosed to ignore his calls.

It went on for about three weeks,on the average 3 calls dailly which I didnt want to answer. Finally I did, just to end everything smoothly and amicably like a gentleman.

Over on the other end, he sounded very worried and thought I had meet an accident, and hurt myself, or was it something he did or said wrong which had offended me?

I calmly explained to him the reason why I choose to leave him, was that he is now a father of two..there are more things and responsibilities waiting ahead for him to accomplish. As an invisible third party waiting for his calls or meeting him at his convenience, it was not a lifestyle I wanted. I just wanted to be free, and so he too should be. I am merely a guest that appeared briefly, in and out of his life, while his family will always be the permanent residents in his life, always there for him.

I could sense he still cared alot and cried, because he still couldn't understand my reasons.

And I told him...sometimes two people are just not meant to be together in this life, because when they did realize they are connected somehow, they came in into each other's life already too late, for one is usually already attached or married....

Thus you just have to appreciate , enjoy and accept its fleeing moments, once it is over.

For just who wants to get involved with someone one is already married, then be prepared to accept your status and never ask for too much.

You must be prepare to suffer and bleed sometimes, because that is or was a choice you started and choose to participate in.

You will always be the second best, the one waiting for his calls, the invisible one in his life, which no one knows about.

It is abit lonely being in that status, thus whatever anger you have, please be mindful in how you are going to deal with.

Because it is an affair between two consenting beings, never never hurt, destroy lives of those innocent parties around his or your life, because they are really innocent, to begin with.

You need to be mature about things. Even things don't work out well as expected, and he still sees other guys behind his wife back, so let him be, because don't forget, you too have the freedom to see who you want.

There are things in life that are meant to be. If they are not, let them go, for holding on to them,you are just creating your own suffering which you must be solely responsible. So go with the flow; let them go, and it is true, in time to come, you will be rewarded by life (or karma) a peace and freedom you deserve.

Why?? Because.....

8 years later me and a couple of friends were in Chinatown one weekend doing our Chinese New Year shopping. Then someone called my name in the mist of the crowd.

It was C , E, T and a little boy. We were very happy to see each other. The baby was already an 8yearold old, T was grown up and remembered me as the uncle who used to come into their shop, and E remembered me as that tan muscular dragonboater. They had sold their shop and C decided to go back to be a graphic designer, to spend more time with his family.

As for C, he had put on some weight, but from his eyes, I could sense that he still missed me and he wanted to tell me alot of things, but he couldnt. From his eyes, he finally understood why I had to choose to end everything with him.

Well, some people are not meant to be with you ,but, they are meant to belong, in a potrait of a happy family.

And I am glad for them.

Edited by TheVisitors
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U know, u could jolly well write a story out of this, juz like Marky did.... :)

"You like who you like lah. Who cares if someone likes the other someone because of their race? It's when they hate them. That's the problem."

Orked (acted by Sharifah Amani) in SEPET (2004, directed by Yasmin Ahmad)

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Guest mr.guest

I would never play with married man and be the one to shatter a family, let alone destroying that man's family for the relationship I chose to take part in. I know it's very difficult to ignore your feelings and not get entangled with someone you are attracted to. In fact, I have fallen for couple of married guys. But, when I keep my emotions in abeyance and think it through, I can clearly see that it just not worth it: all the dramas, regrets, potential of disorganizing a family this clandestine relationship would bring obviously outweigh ephemeral enjoyment. I applaud Visitor for having a strong character to walk away from unhealthy relationship with full of maturity instead of choosing a path of being immature and vengeful. You deserve kudos.

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Guest boy2man

Actually it doesn't matter who loves C, whether was it E or me, as long as he was happy. doesn't really matter what I think?

Thus as I decided to walk away, the further I walked, the lighter I felt, the happier I was.

He did called me a few days later, but I chosed to ignore his calls.

It went on for about three weeks,on the average 3 calls dailly which I didnt want to answer. Finally I did, just to end everything smoothly and amicably like a gentleman.

Over on the other end, he sounded very worried and thought I had meet an accident, and hurt myself, or was it something he did or said wrong which had offended me?

I calmly explained to him the reason why I choose to leave him, was that he is now a father of two..there are more things and responsibilities waiting ahead for him to accomplish. As an invisible third party waiting for his calls or meeting him at his convenience, it was not a lifestyle I wanted. I just wanted to be free, and so he too should be. I am merely a guest that appeared briefly, in and out of his life, while his family will always be the permanent residents in his life, always there for him.

I could sense he still cared alot and cried, because he still couldn't understand my reasons.

And I told him...sometimes two people are just not meant to be together in this life, because when they did realize they are connected somehow, they came in into each other's life already too late, for one is usually already attached or married....

Thus you just have to appreciate , enjoy and accept its fleeing moments, once it is over.

For just who wants to get involved with someone one is already married, then be prepared to accept your status and never ask for too much.

You must be prepare to suffer and bleed sometimes, because that is or was a choice you started and choose to participate in.

You will always be the second best, the one waiting for his calls, the invisible one in his life, which no one knows about.

It is abit lonely being in that status, thus whatever anger you have, please be mindful in how you are going to deal with.

Because it is an affair between two consenting beings, never never hurt, destroy lives of those innocent parties around his or your life, because they are really innocent, to begin with.

You need to be mature about things. Even things don't work out well as expected, and he still sees other guys behind his wife back, so let him be, because don't forget, you too have the freedom to see who you want.

There are things in life that are meant to be. If they are not, let them go, for holding on to them,you are just creating your own suffering which you must be solely responsible. So go with the flow; let them go, and it is true, in time to come, you will be rewarded by life (or karma) a peace and freedom you deserve.

Thank you TheVisitors for posting this.

This is so relevant to my situation for the past 2 months. I had advertised for a fxxk buddy and found a guy who was attached to someone else. However, as we got to know each other better, I realised what a great guy he was, and despite knowing that he was attached, I fell for him anyway...

I fully appreciate the meaning of those underlined sentences above... ha.

Edited by boy2man
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I, married man appreciate all who contributed to this thread, I learn how others feel by now. I realized that no all gays are behave as in MRIC (Stat, seek, top/btm/flex, etc).

For me, I would always inform my partner about my current situation. I told them that this is my timing and my constraint.

It is wise to lay out that what we seek? I would never or try to avoid saying I looking for LTR (I hope I din leave any message on LTR postings :)) so that the other party will get the wrong signal.

To Visitors: you are awesome~!

To OnceGayalwaysGay: I can understand your feeling. There are something fuse me up,if he break out nicely (tell you the reason, maybe it be "I am sicked of your body,I have new BF...etc), will you take revenge on him?

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:thumb: :thumb:

I, married man appreciate all who contributed to this thread, I learn how others feel by now. I realized that no all gays are behave as in MRIC (Stat, seek, top/btm/flex, etc).

For me, I would always inform my partner about my current situation. I told them that this is my timing and my constraint.

It is wise to lay out that what we seek? I would never or try to avoid saying I looking for LTR (I hope I din leave any message on LTR postings :)) so that the other party will get the wrong signal.

To Visitors: you are awesome~!

To OnceGayalwaysGay: I can understand your feeling. There are something fuse me up,if he break out nicely (tell you the reason, maybe it be "I am sicked of your body,I have new BF...etc), will you take revenge on him?

Thank you MT.

In all honesty, I really have nothing against married gays/ bisexuals or the attached ones who are out for their adventures.

Whether they are gay ,bisexual, lesbian, marrieds the closetts, we are all here on earth for our own destiny to fulfill , lessons to learn and paths we have to take, given in a life's span, so theres no right or wrong. Its about respecting each others freedom and choices. Even if we don't agree with someone's choice, that doesn't give us the right to judge or be angry about. There will be many issues behind the scene why people pick a choice that we do not see.

Just give and take, live and let live instead of being so hard about things. I no longer have the time to entertain all those petty things which in my past , I used to

And in all honesty, judging is just based on your personal fear. Its draining , its a waste of time and energy.

Live to learn and understand, instead of indulging in useless judging.

Then you will be happier, younger, and prettier..hahhaha.

I still have my sexual flings with guys, provided they are honesty about their status, and provided their partners know its an open relationship. Thus however choice I choose, it must be fair to everyone or doesnt hurt or destroy their relationship. even to their partners I don't even know.

When you are honest, you are respected and forgiven....now thats where the real fun begins !!

Cheers! :thumb:

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Well, its the personality/character of the individual that counts.. not necessary married men would just walked off a relationship without closure in the event of a failed union. Came across a Gay fren who did that as well. Quite cocky by nature and just gave the bf cold shoulders, excuses not to meetup etc and hoping that in the end nothing matters.

Any mature adult should be responsible enough to talk things over and have a proper closure of a failed relationship.

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@ TheVisitors : wow, I think your story is really touched, you should be a writer :thumb: and many people here will learn somethings from this story, including me.

But I also think/guess that because you didn't fall in love or wasn't in love with C deeply, everything was just about "intimate" so may be that's the reason why you could leave him easily without your heart broken ? :wacko:

We don't encourage people here to revenge but I don't encourage gays getting married either.

Sometimes, the greatest journey is the distance between two people

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Guest onceagayalwaysgay

To Visitor

From your story

your married guy was never heartless like mine, your married guy did not dump u at all

your married guy never fxxk u raw one day and totally disappeared the next

Your married guy was totally sweet

a total complete different story of mine and how it ended.................your story seriously does not even warrant any anger or revenge like mine

We are matured thinking adults so if you want to end anything, end it nicely and don't take advantage

If my married guy was like in ur story I wouldn't even consider any revenge,there is nothing to revenge.

To Marrie TOps

If he would just tell me he wants to end it for any reason I would have just gladly accepted it

But I cannot believe if you want to leave me, y still fxxk me raw and then disappeared the next day and ignore all my calls and pleads for 2 months?

That where snap!

So if tell me nicely you want to end,I am totally ok about it

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To Marrie TOps

If he would just tell me he wants to end it for any reason I would have just gladly accepted it

But I cannot believe if you want to leave me, y still fxxk me raw and then disappeared the next day and ignore all my calls and pleads for 2 months?

That where snap!

So if tell me nicely you want to end,I am totally ok about it

It seems to me that the fact that he fxxked u raw was the issue. I believed that you thought when u allowed him to fxxk u raw, it means you had "given" yourself to him. And after he fxxked u raw, he "disappeared" (you felt dumped) was the trigger. If the reason he tells you for ending the relationship is; "You are a lousy fxxk?" or "Ur hole too loose, worst than my wife", etc. Can you accept it?

I think it is all about how you internalised your emotions at that time. Personally, I don't condone your act because you did not just destroy him, you destroy a family and hurt 2 other families; His parent and his wife's parent.

My first bf was a married man. He was an asshole and a jerk. He married to cover his gayness and he married the most pretty girl he can. He make use of people around him, his friends (the unlucky ones) and me. He fxxks around when he was with me. I only realised that after a few incidents that happens. When I found out about it, I was really hurt. But because I love him, I believed what he told me. Then I realised that what he told me and what he did were totally different. By then, I had given up my good pay job to help him in his business which I was not familiar with. I was naive and young then.

Luckily, while I was with him, I met some really nice people. He dumped me while I was with him in Malaysia. If not for those people I know in Malaysia, I would have been really helpless. But because I was helping him in his business, he had asked me to still work for him. I agreed with him and agreed to help him but only as a friend and no longer as bf. Then during an altercation in his shop, I really see the person he really is, heartless, calculative and manipulative.

At that moment, I really wanted to exposed him to his family, but I did not. I was glad I didn't because I think I won't be able to live with myself had I done so. I really feel sorry for his wife to be with such a person. Anyway, many years later, I've met him in person. I totally ignore his existence even though we were in a group, I spoke with everyone in the group, even his current bf, except him. I have heard things about what he did to his wife and family and I think I was really glad I was not with a person like him. Maybe his current bf are able to tame him or maybe the fact that he was divorced from his wife or he was a changed person, etc. I don't know and I don't care.

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Guest onceagayalwaysgay

It seems to me that the fact that he fxxked u raw was the issue. I believed that you thought when u allowed him to fxxk u raw, it means you had "given" yourself to him. And after he fxxked u raw, he "disappeared" (you felt dumped) was the trigger. If the reason he tells you for ending the relationship is; "You are a lousy fxxk?" or "Ur hole too loose, worst than my wife", etc. Can you accept it?

I think it is all about how you internalised your emotions at that time. Personally, I don't condone your act because you did not just destroy him, you destroy a family and hurt 2 other families; His parent and his wife's parent.

My first bf was a married man. He was an asshole and a jerk. He married to cover his gayness and he married the most pretty girl he can. He make use of people around him, his friends (the unlucky ones) and me. He fxxks around when he was with me. I only realised that after a few incidents that happens. When I found out about it, I was really hurt. But because I love him, I believed what he told me. Then I realised that what he told me and what he did were totally different. By then, I had given up my good pay job to help him in his business which I was not familiar with. I was naive and young then.

Luckily, while I was with him, I met some really nice people. He dumped me while I was with him in Malaysia. If not for those people I know in Malaysia, I would have been really helpless. But because I was helping him in his business, he had asked me to still work for him. I agreed with him and agreed to help him but only as a friend and no longer as bf. Then during an altercation in his shop, I really see the person he really is, heartless, calculative and manipulative.

At that moment, I really wanted to exposed him to his family, but I did not. I was glad I didn't because I think I won't be able to live with myself had I done so. I really feel sorry for his wife to be with such a person. Anyway, many years later, I've met him in person. I totally ignore his existence even though we were in a group, I spoke with everyone in the group, even his current bf, except him. I have heard things about what he did to his wife and family and I think I was really glad I was not with a person like him. Maybe his current bf are able to tame him or maybe the fact that he was divorced from his wife or he was a changed person, etc. I don't know and I don't care.

GachiMuchi

I dont think you read my whole story from my first reply msg to this last replied msg

I was with him for about 6 months by the time he disappeared

we had raw sex many times already

so why have raw sex with me if u want to break up with me ? and then disappeared without a trance/explaination?

There was not even a slightest indication he wants to end it,it was still such a loving sex before he disappear

I have done so much things for him too all in all

its not just becos of 1 raw sex like u said and he thinks i m lousy and he just left

please read clearly everything!

I simply have no regrets taking the revenge that I dare make it clear here for everyone to read, he never dare look me in the eye anymore

and i m very proud of what i done, my present bf knows its too and perfectly understand what i went through

you want to be heartless then dont blame me for being ruthless too

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GachiMuchi

I dont think you read my whole story from my first reply msg to this last replied msg

I was with him for about 6 months by the time he disappeared

we had raw sex many times already

so why have raw sex with me if u want to break up with me ? and then disappeared without a trance/explaination?

There was not even a slightest indication he wants to end it,it was still such a loving sex before he disappear

I have done so much things for him too all in all

its not just becos of 1 raw sex like u said and he thinks i m lousy and he just left

please read clearly everything!

I simply have no regrets taking the revenge that I dare make it clear here for everyone to read, he never dare look me in the eye anymore

and i m very proud of what i done, my present bf knows its too and perfectly understand what i went through

you want to be heartless then dont blame me for being ruthless too

All men love to fxxk raw, if given the opportunity and knowing if it is safe. I did not read u wrong. I did not say that he fxxk u raw that one time and then disappear. I am saying that if he says sex with u was not good and want to end with u, can u accept it? I think u need to read my post again too.

Anyway, I am happy that u have moved on. No judgment here. You did what u did. I do agree that some married man need to be taught a lesson (I was thinking of my 1st bf), but I don't want to be the one teaching him the lesson and other people becomes collateral damage.

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What People do to you is their Karma. What you do in return is yours.

** Comments are my opinions, same as yours. It's not a 'Be-All-and-End-All' view. Intent's to thought-provoke, validate, reiterate and yes, even correct. Opinion to consider but agree to disagree. I don't enjoy conflicted exchanges, empty bravado or egoistical chest pounding. It's never personal, tribalistic or with malice. Frank by nature, means, I never bend the truth. Views are to broaden understanding - Updated: Nov 2021.

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To Visitor

From your story

your married guy was never heartless like mine, your married guy did not dump u at all

your married guy never fxxk u raw one day and totally disappeared the next

Your married guy was totally sweet

a total complete different story of mine and how it ended.................your story seriously does not even warrant any anger or revenge like mine

We are matured thinking adults so if you want to end anything, end it nicely and don't take advantage

If my married guy was like in ur story I wouldn't even consider any revenge,there is nothing to revenge.

To Marrie TOps

If he would just tell me he wants to end it for any reason I would have just gladly accepted it

But I cannot believe if you want to leave me, y still fxxk me raw and then disappeared the next day and ignore all my calls and pleads for 2 months?

That where snap!

So if tell me nicely you want to end,I am totally ok about it

Now whoever you are, if you want to play the little girly victim, you can continue your dramas, for in the end, you will be the one at the losing end.

Now, from the way you expressed your character, I don't think anyone really wants to get to know you well, because you are so tiresome and draining to be with. You are like some vampire who constantly saps the energy of those who are kind and are concern for you. Please bear in mind, everyone of us here have our own level of threshold tolerance with one another. I am truly amazed that your married chap could stand you for 6months before he decided to call it quits.

I thought it will only last for 6 days, thus I think only a saint can stretch his limits to six months.

Because you have a past issue regarding unresolved anger and vengence, it will definitely pour over into your present relationship.

I bet your present boyfriend only learned about your past vengeful ways, after he was attached with you. And with that , I can bet with you, deep down inside, he doesn't want to tell you , that you have created a fear in him , because YOU ARE a potential threat to him NOW.

Should he be not up to your standards of expection, or generate an act, that you perceived as an act of betrayal, you will switch to your vengeful ways in handling a situation, just satisfy and justify your self created damaged ego.

Thus you really have a tremendous ego problem.

Stop blaming the world, just look at yourself, be honest enough to examine yourself without giving any excuses, that why people shun from you.

The S.O,P ( if you know what is it) everyone must carry with them, when interacting with you, even as a acquitance, will be a heavy dosage of doctor prescribed pain killers.

What happened between C and me, is just a tiny tip of the ice berg of my true life stories, of what I am sharing here in BW.

What I really went through, (I am not boasting to glory myself), any normal human being, if not equiped with substantial amount of inner strenght, who had break down and go mad a long time ago, or the most, suicide.

If you think your little example here is a great example of what suffering is all about and therefore justify your revenge, let me show you, some of my true examples, and lets challenge, who suffers more , but is able to see the light in every experience, forgive, learn and cherish what is true happiness, and move on.

- Were you ever dumped by someone at 21, after 3 years together, just to marry and inherit his father's wealth?

- And as by the same bf above, did anyone ever dump you, vanished into thin air and left you a debt of $60,000 to clear?

- Did you ever experience a tramatic childhood/adolesence, parents couldn't understand your problems, and you joined gangs,

involved in street fights, and promiscousity just to rid of the emptiness inside of you?

- Did you ever survive a depression, when your 2yrs bf, who promised to come back to marry u openly, after he return from his

holiday skiing in the high Hokkeido snow mountains, but only receive news that he lost his balance, and smashed straight

onto a snow-covered rock and died instantly?

- Did you ever have a bf who used your supplementary credit card to buy things for another guy he was seeing behind your back

but left you to clear $4000 ?

-Did u ever have a schizo bf who said he has a medical history , but was fxxking behind with your best friend for 20 years?

- Were u ever raped three times in your life, once at 15 at knife point by a person u trusted, and another time, by one of

ur best friend's bf, who drunk drugged and violated u sexually? Are u able to, like me, forgive your wrong doers at

end of the day, move on and wish them well?

- Did u ever, because of a boy, whom u were led to believe to be true love, opposed by ur family and was disowned by them

for 4 years and lived in the streets, but at the end when things ended so badly, he turned around and said

"its not my fault u were disowned by ur family" ...?

So, if you think you can't even survive in just one of my examples here, may i suggest you don't come back and post anymore of your silly girly tantrums, pack your bags and just go.

For those like my stories and the PMs I received regarding my stories, thanks a million for your support.

Yes, the sharp readers can tell I am someone who have been through a lot in life, survived death, darkness, life's whiplashes, and depression, but end of the day, it takes alot of effort, courage and wisdom to convert this self hate and destruction, into self love, mercy and compassion.

Thus only when necessary will I share my past, just as to serve and heal those who are truly in need.

I have being there before, thus I know whats poverty and suffering is all about.

Cheers for a better life, to all.

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Yes, the sharp readers can tell I am someone who have been through a lot in life, survived death, darkness, life's whiplashes, and depression, but end of the day, it takes alot of effort, courage and wisdom to convert this self hate and destruction, into self love, mercy and compassion.

Thus only when necessary will I share my past, just as to serve and heal those who are truly in need.

I have being there before, thus I know whats poverty and suffering is all about.

Cheers for a better life, to all.

Hello thevisitors,

Thanks for being so truthful & open abt ur past.

Am sure u r a now a stronger & better person.

COntinue to b positive & never gv up on life!!

Thanks for being a good example

maro

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Guest Threats

Because you have a past issue regarding unresolved anger and vengence, it will definitely pour over into your present relationship.

I bet your present boyfriend only learned about your past vengeful ways, after he was attached with you. And with that , I can bet with you, deep down inside, he doesn't want to tell you , that you have created a fear in him , because YOU ARE a potential threat to him NOW.

Should he be not up to your standards of expection, or generate an act, that you perceived as an act of betrayal, you will switch to your vengeful ways in handling a situation, just satisfy and justify your self created damaged ego.

Thus you really have a tremendous ego problem.

Stop blaming the world, just look at yourself, be honest enough to examine yourself without giving any excuses, that why people shun from you.

The bold sentences described exactly why I suddenly disappeared from my bf ( been with him for 8 yrs ). These 8 years was really a torture meeting him. Whenever I am with him, the fear will emerge repeatedly. Almost every month, he will come out with threats of exposing me. That's the disadvantage of being a closeted gay and working in a bank with numerous branches.

The moment I terminate from my bank job, I shifted within 3 months and changed my phone number. So far, I managed to escape 2 times bumping into him as whenever I am in town, I will look out from afar whether anyone resemble him. If yes, I will take the next corner and run as fast as I could.

What have I lost? A small little house. This proved that I am the most stupid person on earth and I felt very depressed whenever I reflect why I sign the transfer agreement.

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Guest onceagayawaysgay

All men love to fxxk raw, if given the opportunity and knowing if it is safe. I did not read u wrong. I did not say that he fxxk u raw that one time and then disappear. I am saying that if he says sex with u was not good and want to end with u, can u accept it? I think u need to read my post again too.

Anyway, I am happy that u have moved on. No judgment here. You did what u did. I do agree that some married man need to be taught a lesson (I was thinking of my 1st bf), but I don't want to be the one teaching him the lesson and other people becomes collateral damage.

yes i can totally accept it if he has reasons to break up with me for whatever reason

thats y i even keep smsing and calling him for 2 months to hear his explaination and talk about it

all my past ex gave me various reasons to end and i accepted it

i took revenge is becos i realise he was toying my feelings and moving to other victims and i realise i m not his first victim

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Guest onceagayalwaysgay

hi TheVistors

I am only talking about your this story of that you first shared about you at 26yo and him at 33yo

there is nothing in this story to warrant a revenge from what i read. He never toy nor dump you

I am only here to share my story, i m not here to compare my story with all ur other life stories

Sure there will be other stories that are more bitter than mine

I am only here to share my story,respect it or ignore it

but like i said, if i can share it opening, i know there will be ppl condamning it,well its your comments and opinions , i respect it

so respect what I shared too

I never expect what I shared can make this thread so happening though hahaha

By the way my present bf knows about this story while dating, he definately had a choice to choose to carry on becos he ask me about it and i m honest about it

anyway that is 5 years ago liao lah,now looking back i just laugh and proud about what i done, all my good friends know about it, they all salute me, some time my this part of life is still brought up among my circle of friends and i would say aiyo old story liao lah but its good story to warn

1) all the married men out there who like to toy gays feelins

2) to all the gays who got involved with married men

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anyway that is 5 years ago liao lah,now looking back i just laugh and proud about what i done, all my good friends know about it, they all salute me, some time my this part of life is still brought up among my circle of friends and i would say aiyo old story liao lah but its good story to warn

1) all the married men out there who like to toy gays feelins

2) to all the gays who got involved with married men

Ya, All Married Gay Men. Be warned.

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I empathise with you all, and feel very sad on how your relationships had to end that way.

I am also stressed by the conclusion this discussion thread has led to.

My views are :

1. If one party starts with the intention to toy with the other, it has already started with a doomed ending.

The issue here is not that it happens only on gays with married men, it can happen with anyone - gay, bi, straight, or married ones.

2. When one starts and accepts a relationship with a married man openly and knowingly, one accepts the uphill challenges associated with this relationship - discreetness, time factor, contention of priorities between one and his wife and children, etc...

3. Upfront, one accepts the decision that one may have to make when faced with the betrayed wife and family.

4. Will your relationship work for you ? It's really about how the two persons value and trust their relationship, isn't it ?

5. The best advice is - if you can't handle the complex emotions involved, do not even start it !

Life can always be better, and we can always strive to be better men. :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Guest Guest21

For Visitor's case there was no cheating actually ; he knew in the beginning that C was married . What if C said that he was not married and until when Visitor's has given his love and then found out that C has a family and a pregnant wife ? Would he take revenge ?

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