Of Love Struggles & Cries Of A Married Gay Man + Cheating Married Men Leading Dual Life (compiled)

[doncoin]

HI Unhappy Guy

There is no point in having 2 persons unhappy in a marriage. I think your wife need to realise that her happiness does not lie in being married to you. I am frankly quite surprise that she has not petition for a divorce, instead she stuck to the marriage. I mean you guys can still be friends married or not.

Have you considered why she is still sticking to the marriage? The issue could be more than the fact that you are gay. From what you've said, she has accepted that you are and seems fine with it.

Well the longer you two drag, the messier it gets. Perhaps you can seek a marriage counsellor snd work to resolve the situation amiably.

Be happy.

[Guest LEI]

hi unhappy man,

I believe that you have your own answer and know how to end or solve the problem during your this "marriage period". Just that you dun have the courage to do it. It takes time and courage but dun drag it too long. Good that you have told her your true self, at least she knew your "problem".

As an outsider, what we can do is give you the suggestions. See whether you want to take actions or no action. If not, all these suggestions are rubbish to u.

[Guest Guest]

Your wife has lost her youth for four damn years with you. Dont think anybody want to marry a divorced woman. Nobody would believe there is no sex involved during your marriage even if she swear to her next boyfriend. She hurt silently. You should compensate her for this (even if she is naive enough to sTAnd by you. This is not love from her but she blamed her destiny. You owed her a lot. This is a case of cheat. Your guilt has came to a point where you cant go on cheating her heart. This is a first good start. Better for you to ask her about what she thinks.

Is she agreed to hang on to you, then you should allowed her to have lover and sex outside marriage. At least that the very most you can do. Better if you could take the first move to divorce but she got to consent to it albeit compensation/ settlement. If her family come to know about it, you'll be in deep shit! Pray.

[Guest Guest]

Your wife has lost her youth for four damn years with you. Dont think anybody want to marry a divorced woman. Nobody would believe there is no sex involved during your marriage even if she swear to her next boyfriend. She hurt silently. You should compensate her for this (even if she is naive enough to sTAnd by you. This is not love from her but she blamed her destiny. You owed her a lot. This is a case of cheat. Your guilt has came to a point where you cant go on cheating her heart. This is a first good start. Better for you to ask her about what she thinks.

Is she agreed to hang on to you, then you should allowed her to have lover and sex outside marriage. At least that the very most you can do. Better if you could take the first move to divorce but she got to consent to it albeit compensation/ settlement. If her family come to know about it, you'll be in deep shit! Pray.

do u only go for virgin ass n mouth? ur thinking is tat used cb caanot be tranferred...toopid..nowadays ppl r open

[Guest Guest]

Erm... Newguy2l... Viagra and the likes are not miracle drugs... They don't make you horny... They make your cock hard ONLY when you want to have sex... because they open up the blood vessels for blood to enter easier... If you do not think of having sex, your cock won't be hard...

In any case, I strongly support encouraging the wife to consider getting a divorce... Not so much as the guy setting her free... But she should consider for herself on what she really wants in her life...

[Buaya]

Erm... Dunno why I was logged out... The above post was by me...

[GachiMuchi]

I think you deserve what you get, you know what you are and you still decide to marry.

You not just deceived your family, you have also deceived your wife's family.

I am so glad that I made the decision to stay single even though there were "unseen pressure" for me to get married.

I've never liken the idea that some gays uses marriage as a cover just so as they appears "Normal". It is so bloody selfish and irresponsible.

To think that they thought that getting married will help them "cure" their gayness is even more absurd. Marriage DON'T cure gayness. That is the most ridiculous solution I've heard.

If you need help with your gayness, please go see a psychiatrist or get some professional counselling help.

I feel so sorry for your wife. She is a good woman and you DON'T deserve her.

Please do the right thing. Let her go so that she can find happiness with someone more deserving and pay her a big settlement. (if it might help you feeling less guilty)

As for you, go get some professional help.

[Devilchub]

totally agree with everyone here except newguy21, maybe he is too young to understand this. :whistle:

Move on, set both of u free. Be fair to her if u really meant u love her. :thumb:

[newguy2l]

buaya - I think u dont hav to be horny for viagra to work

I think all it needs is some stimulation to the penis

that is why some guys got raped against their will

even if they are not horny, with viagra they still got erections

and their fans can hav their way with them

devilchub - so sad u no agree with me

never mind - life still goes on

[oralb]

dear, viagra still need stimulation

read this

http://www.howstuffworks.com/viagra.htm

put yourself in his shoes, would you want to take a drug in order to have sex with someone you dont fancy?

your solution merely solve the part of no sex, and i hardly even call it a solution taking into consideration the whole story...

[Guest Guest]

Your wife has lost her youth for four damn years with you. Dont think anybody want to marry a divorced woman. Nobody would believe there is no sex involved during your marriage even if she swear to her next boyfriend.

Aiyo...which hole u crawl out of?

Please lah....just because someone was once divorced does not mean he or she will never get married again. What sort of conservative and naive thinking is that?

Divorced people do get married again!

[Guest Guest]

To unhappy man, ask yourself the following questions:

What are you intending to do about your marriage?

Do you want to continue like this and make everyone, including you, unhappy?

Do you have any children by the way? If not, it might be easier for legal separation as less parties are involved.

Remember, you are living for yourself and not from the expectation of others - society, parents, friends etc. If you continue to stay in your current situation, you and everyone around you will end up more miserable.

Think about it.

[Buaya]

newguy2l... The cock was hard because it was stimulated... Some men are easily stimulated... Especially the younger ones, where they get turned on and get hard when touched even on their limbs...

But that's not how Viagra and its cousins work...

I repeat, they do NOT make one horny...

The prescribed drugs just make it easier for one to get a hard erection... through enlarging the blood vessels and allowing blood to flow to the penis' soft sponge tissues easier...

[nvms]

just saw De-Lovely last night

about Cole Porter the Broadway composer

he is gay and the wife knew this even be4 they got married

he has ONS and the wife knows about this

they remain very happy

dunno why unhappy is so unhappy

no marriage is perfect

so - yours is lacking  in the sex dept

so - fill it up in other areas

treat her like gold

give her gifts

show her love in other ways

take her out to dinner and dancing and shows and holidays

take her whole family out for dinner

and even in the sex area - there are things available to help u there

heard of viagra - ?? - u can now do it even if your heart is not in it

just think of it as your duty for a happy marraige

and sex toys - vibrators , dildoes

hey maybe u may even get to love sex with a strap-on - she wears it

use your imagination man

maybe a anti-depressent like prozac may help :twisted:

also another idea - get a 3rd man into your sex life

preferably a bi-guy - surely u can imagine how he can help solve all your problems

make your wife happy and also u happy

just saw De-Lovely last night

about Cole Porter the Broadway composer

he is gay and the wife knew this even be4 they got married

he has ONS and the wife knows about this

they remain very happy

How much do u know about Cole Porter? By watching a half-fiction biopic and u think u knew what Linda Lee (Cole's wife) had in mind?????? I really doubt... I strong suggest u do more research before u quote this movie to reallife.

dunno why unhappy is so unhappy

no marriage is perfect

so - yours is lacking in the sex dept

so - fill it up in other areas

treat her like gold

give her gifts

show her love in other ways

take her out to dinner and dancing and shows and holidays

take her whole family out for dinner

Without u being a pointer, thats what considered "a husband duties".... NEXT~~

and even in the sex area - there are things available to help u there

heard of viagra - ?? - u can now do it even if your heart is not in it

just think of it as your duty for a happy marraige

and sex toys - vibrators , dildoes

hey maybe u may even get to love sex with a strap-on - she wears it

use your imagination man

SEX played a strong part in a relationship. Again, If I gonna ask u not to have sex with yr bf, or yr bf just using a vibrators or dildos on u..... how would u feel about it? "use your imagination man!"

also another idea - get a 3rd man into your sex life

preferably a bi-guy - surely u can imagine how he can help solve all your problems

make your wife happy and also u happy

For someone who dont even know the meaning of love and respect , I hereby urge him to feed more commonsense and knowledge to his birdsize brain.

[Guest Guest]

also another idea - get a 3rd man into your sex life

preferably a bi-guy - surely u can imagine how he can help solve all your problems

make your wife happy and also u happy

For someone who dont even know the meaning of love and respect , I hereby urge him to feed more commonsense and knowledge to his birdsize brain.

I agreed. That is the suggestions of a very sick man.

Relationship already complicated enough already.

That is a really stupid and perverted idea.....

[Devilchub]

U can't expect much from someone who r only 21 (newguy21) he is too young to understand what unhappy is going thru. Anyway, he is just trying his best to help n giving some idea of his, so pls pardon him lah.

[Guest Guest]

Hahaha...what kinda of sick 21 year old can come up with an idea like that?

Third party bi guy? To fxxk the wife and also the hubby....???

So all three happy?

Obviously he watch too much p--n movie already. This is real life. Not a p--n movie.

[Triple8]

Unhappy Man,

U may wanna PM me for a chat. Am in the same position as you but not as bad. PM me and we can go for a chat.

[Buaya]

Tim, he is a guest, cannot PM you... Maybe you can leave him an email address...

[Guest Guest]

Unhappy Man,

U may wanna PM me for a chat. Am in the same position as you but not as bad. PM me and we can go for a chat.

Careful of Triple8. He is up to no good. Either watch your ass! or he'll put his ass in place of your wife.

[Guest Guest_guest]

Told myself I will not write here again but still do, you know.

[oralb]

Unhappy Man,

U may wanna PM me for a chat. Am in the same position as you but not as bad.? PM me and we can go for a chat.

Careful of Triple8. He is up to no good. Either watch your ass! or he'll put his ass in place of your wife.

this smear is absolutely uncalled for :swear:

that showed how shallow your mind is. we know who triple8 is and am sure of his character. you on the other hand we are not so sure.

So i will boldly say this "Be Careful of this guest, he is up to no good!"

read this

http://bw2.9.forumer.com/index.php?showtopic=6743

[Buaya]

Just to share, I know of a friend who was also unhappy as he knew he is gay but had been hiding behind a marriage... He eventually went for a divorce and got attached to a man and is now very happy... Of course, he faces some problems in his gay relationship, but I think he is happier now...

[Asura]

this smear is absolutely uncalled for :swear:

that showed how shallow your mind is. we know who triple8 is and am sure of his character. you on the other hand we are not so sure.

Agree. triple8 is the best person to advice you, cause we know.

[Guest Guest]

Wah...so many repressed and unhappy married men in this forum....

[Guest Guest]

How to be happy when one is not honest to oneself and lies to others? Accept who you are, make up for her and move on.

[chubbylover]

My 2 cent's worth...

(OMG this phrase is so over-used these days)

(1) You made a very bad decision at a very wrong time. I sincerely hope you did not get married due to some religious influence...or misinformation.

(2) Now that you know you are GAY, accept and embrace the fact that you are GAY. Of cos I dun mean you going to saunas and mop their floors with your cum.

(3) Let her go. Women, unlike men, has an expiry date, or shelf life as I always termed it. While men can still f*** around as long as their balls can carry them, women do not age gracefully like we do.

(Equality among sexes? Even MotherNature disagrees...)

The only thing you can do now to ever be fair to her is to let her go, and help her to seek her true happiness.

(4) Be sensitive to your wife. Dun grind and complain and think you are very sad, bad and whatever, becos yes we all know you are very sad and we think you are very bad. By avoiding her you are not helping her at all, and I think she is extending much grace and patience to 'treat you as her friend'. Talk to her, and discuss this openly with her. Be objective on the issue at hand, and minimize damage.

If I am your wife, treating you as a friend despite your confession and receiving such treatment from you, I will be stuffing your pillow secretly with durian shells.

[Guest UNHAPPY MAN]

Hi thanks for all the advise. We will be going for a divorce and is in the middle of processing.

To reply some of those question -

i also know is wrong to get married when i know i am gay, sometime u really wan to change, really really wan to change.

A mistake has been done and now i will need to clear the mess, not many people know that i am a gay only my best fren and my old school mate.

for thoses who ask me to PM them, u may wish to e-mail me tkp_a@hotmail.com

more or less we have decided wat we wan and if u ask me can be still be fren, this is a tough question.

unless u are me if not u will never understand, and for those who said i will never do this and that, thanks for your advise. Just remember i thing, we are different and can never be the same thus only people with the experience as me will fully understand.

say is easy than done.

once again, thanks for all the advise.

have a good weekend and take care

[LupCheong]

All the best to you Mr Unhappy Man! Since you have more or less got your unhappiness resolved, I'm quite sure next time we hear from you it will be Mr. Happy Man instead. Good luck! :thumb:

[IkuTube]

Hi thanks for all the advise. We will be going for a divorce and is in the middle of processing.

To reply some of those question -

i also know is wrong to get married when i know i am gay, sometime u really wan to change, really really wan to change.

A mistake has been done and now i will need to clear the mess, not many people know that i am a gay only my best fren and my old school mate.

for thoses who ask me to PM them, u may wish to e-mail me tkp_a@hotmail.com

more or less we have decided wat we wan and if u ask me can be still be fren, this is a tough question.

unless u are me if not u will never understand, and for those who said i will never do this and that, thanks for your advise. Just remember i thing, we are different and can never be the same thus only people with the experience as me will fully understand.

say is easy than done.

once again, thanks for all the advise.

have a good weekend and take care

My spirit goes to you, unhappy man.

You are, indeed, right to say "unless u are me if not u will never understand". We may cry watching a sad movie, and thinking that it is telling our story, but the experience can't never be exactly the same. Facing with a problem, particularly one that involves with another being, can be heart wrenching. I am sure your days are heavy. It is a good thing that you are able to float above your problem and working on a solution.

Don't dwell on the past. You have made a decision, which I believe is mutually agreed, and just move on. Let go. There will be no end if you are to look back and keep regretting on your past. Live in your moment and you will start to fill your soul with peace.

Do take charge of your life, unhappy man.

[Sticky&Sweet]

Today I had lunch with a divorced friend whom I knew since university. Let's call him KR.KR had a gf in uni, and he and his gf were my classmates. After we graduated, we still kept in touch sporadically maybe once or twice a year. Abut 4 years after we graduated, I was invited to their wedding. I remembered it was at Chijmes. They used the cathedral there. It was a beautiful wedding. But after that we lost touch.

Another 5 years later (this year), I met KR again. Online. In PlanetRomeo.com. That was when I realised he is gay! I messaged him and asked if he is KR and later he replied Yes and then we started exchanging emails. Today was the first time we met for lunch.

He looked so different. More haggard. I asked him if he is gay and he said yes, with a sheepish grin. Then I asked him if his wife knows. And he said "My ex-wife knows now."

So the story goes ...

He always knew he was gay but being the only son, and under pressure from his parents to produce an "heir" to the family, + the fact that the GF liked him and pursued him, he decided to go along with the flow and dated her. And eventually got married. But all these while, he had a secret life of meeting up with other guys and having sex with them (and to think all these while I never bumped into him in chat rooms, gay personals, saunas etc). A year after they married, his wife was pregnant and soon gave birth to a boy. Now, the whole family are staunch Christians. Very evangelical, including both his ad his wife's parents.

Anyway, a year ago he met this guy whom he described as sunshine boy - tanned, lean toned, young, uni undergrad - and they started exchanging MSN. At the same time, the wife suspected he was fooling around cuz after giving birth, they hardly had sex and he became secretive over SMSes, or online (MSN), etc. She noticed the change in his behaviour too. So according to KR, although they shared the same computer at home, they had different passwords. And apparently the wife one day observed what his password was and remembered it.

One day he went downstairs to wash his car, and the wife logged onto the computer with his password and checked his emails and his MSN. Now, he is very careful about leaving SMS or email trails so all those naughty SMS and emails he will delete straight away. But he didn't realised that his MSN can trace back part of the conversation! So the wife noticed how come all the people on his MSN are guys and when she clicked on the sunshine boy's MSN and read their chat history, she realised KR is gay and has been fooling around.

The usual drama happened and she asked for a divorce. When they were mediating with the lawyers, she told him "If you were fooling around with another woman, I am willing to forgive you. But you are gay! I will never forgive you and I want full custody of our son." The thing is, she had the backing of their church, and the church hired the best divorce lawyer on her behalf to gain full custody of the child.

Nowadays, although he can still see his son regularly, his son also shies away from him because according to the son, "Mommy and the church uncles and aunties tell me that you are a criminal and you're a bad person and you'll go to hell. Is that true papa?"

When I heard it I felt very sad for him. But what to do? The grains have already cooked into rice, I told him. He just have to move on and whenever he sees his son, educate the son that daddy is different but still the same person. And that daddy loves the son a lot. There was nothing more I can do when he told me his sad story.

The point is - be careful and aware of your situation especially if you are married with kids but you're gay. It might lead to a lot of trouble and heartache if you're found out...

Edited August 29, 2011 by GachiMuchi

[Guest Guest]

sldnt get married in the first place. i also wonder how he manage to get erection to dig that abalone.

anyway married men generally age faster.

[snowball]

Nowadays, although he can still see his son regularly, his son also shies away from him because according to the son, "Mommy and the church uncles and aunties tell me that you are a criminal and you're a bad person and you'll go to hell. Is that true papa?"

that's why i am sick to those who always act like they are understanding, spreading love to others. when thing really happen to them, their mouth, heart & soul don't even can be clean but evil, what the point act like saint & angel? hoping others going to hell? so what type of person they are, what a joke? hypocrite, fake people all around, forgive & love your enemy?

kiss my foot, stop spreading lies & teaching rubbish if yourself can't show in action, shut up & will save for the day.

kid are innocent.

Edited August 10, 2009 by snowball

[Guest jtee]

thats wat you get for lying to yourself.... be honest to your ownself and less drama in life

[Guest Guest]

Hi Sticky&Sweet, mind revealing to us how old is KR? 30-35? Or late 20s? Already haggard looking?

[Guest Guest]

When they were mediating with the lawyers, she told him "If you were fooling around with another woman, I am willing to forgive you. But you are gay! I will never forgive you and I want full custody of our son."

Sad to see that the wife cannot accept the fact that she had lost out to a guy. But what's wrong with fooling with a guy compared to a woman? Is it not the same? Still adultery right?

[sohorny]

always a mistake to get married due to family pressure. but what's done is done so have to live with the consequences.

[Guest Shiok]

always a mistake to get married due to family pressure. but what's done is done so have to live with the consequences.

There are others who were not gay at first but discovered the other world. Once they crossed that line, they cannot go back.

They enjoy the wild lovemaking and the no-strings multiple partners - the freedom.

[snowball]

There are others who were not gay at first but discovered the other world. Once they crossed that line, they cannot go back.

They enjoy the wild lovemaking and the no-strings multiple partners - the freedom.

who ask them to start? don't think any excuse is acceptable, just face it when true identity reveal, not all will get expose, some can be very Lucky

[amkies]

Thanks for posting the story S&S.

Don't suppose we can blame the wife because afterall your friend had lied to her and to a certain extent affect her entire life. However, it does make me pissed off when i read that those church members tried to brainwash their son that your friend is a criminal. They have absolutely no right to comment on this complicated relationship.

As to whether AJs should get married, there would be no end to the argument. Sometimes it takes great courage to say no to parents' expectations and insistence or conform to the pressure from society. But, how many of the AJs and Bi-sexuals can be strong?

[Guest sympathetic]

Those pathetic intolerant church members!!! May God twist each & everyone of their sexes in their next lives so they will taste their sufferings being the minority Homosexuals in the majority Heterosexuals society (hopefully they are reborn at a time when they are still heavy discrimination & prejudice against Homosexuals than today's times). Poor KR.

[Sticky&Sweet]

To reply to some of your comments:

1. KR's now ex-wife was also my uni classmate. I also know her since I hung out with KR and her when we were studying altho I am close to KR. So it is also hard for me to choose sides. I also felt bad she got hurt. She used to be a very caring and sweet girl, and very fun to be around. Just that because of this revelation, it has turned her into someone full of hatred & bitterness.

2. KR is my age. Which means late 30s.

3. Actually I once asked a female colleague before - would u rather your husband cheat on you with another woman or man? She said most women would rather the husband cheat with another woman. At least they know that he is still a man and will perhaps one day come around back to their sides; or even if not, can still fulfill the duties of a father. But if the husband is gay, they say all hope is lost. They will see the husband as not a man. So, perhaps KR's ex-wife felt the same way.

[snowball]

She used to be a very caring and sweet girl, and very fun to be around. Just that because of this revelation, it has turned her into someone full of hatred & bitterness.

Sticky&Sweet, how caring & sweet a person is can be fake one. only will reveal when something happen, that's the true real him/her deep inside.

They will see the husband as not a man, cos themselves think they are the normal & can't accept someone different, if their husband really fall in Love with another woman, they have something else to say.

True facts is she can't face it & she can't accept that she is a loser, her heart actually is not as pure as she thought, but ugly & evil, with the " help " from her fellows make her think she is right to teach & let her child to hate his dad, shame & same to her members

Edited August 10, 2009 by snowball

[Guest sympathetic]

A great kudos to KR for trying his hard being a straight man in the face of his own as well as his narrow-minded wife's families! Do you know how hard & difficult it is acting & behaving as one straight man when you are actually not (it's already shown as impossible in the recent frozen flower movie). At least, he had achieved his family's goal of having an heir. A bit sad for KR, but at least he has already GIVEN HIS BEST as that pathetic christian families' only RESPONSIBLE & DEPENDABLE SON & Son-In-Law.

[Guest robin64]

针没刺到自己的肉，自己无法感觉到痛！

[snowball]

to be honest, i won't pity KR cos he is the one who betray his wife, i think his wife is ugly & evil cos as a adult, mother & wife, no matter what, she should not teach her son bad esp curse her husband to go hell. As a Christian for so long, she should know what is forgive & love.

i agree that 针没刺到自己的肉，自己无法感觉到痛！but you can't deny that even she can't forget hate, but don't bring 私人恩怨 to her son, if she really wise & really love & pamper her son, will she do that?

worst, allow those stupid fellows to brainwash her son, real shame, not fit to address herself as a mother.

Edited August 10, 2009 by snowball

[exec_fetish]

When they were mediating with the lawyers, she told him "If you were fooling around with another woman, I am willing to forgive you. But you are gay! I will never forgive you and I want full custody of our son."

Sad to see that the wife cannot accept the fact that she had lost out to a guy. But what's wrong with fooling with a guy compared to a woman? Is it not the same? Still adultery right?

the wife probably felt "used" by KR as a coverup

[snowball]

the wife probably felt "used" by KR as a coverup

nope, i think she deeply hurt, cos feel very insulting to use as a sex machine, just for him to 传宗接代.

Edited August 10, 2009 by snowball

[Guest sympathetic]

That's why I said the wife is narrow minded as an adult, mother, ex-wife & Christian. And to put it honestly, also rather stupid & level-headed in assuming that all good-looking masculine straight-acting men are straight heterosexual men (are bisexuality even acknowledged in Cristianity?).

If I were KR, I would fight for joint custody & show myself still as a good responsible father to my own son (and still provide that instinctive paternal loving care as no matter what, he's still a part of my flesh & blood regardless of my sexuality now & in the future).

I think it is also important for KR to show to his pathetic circle of people that he is a Respectable out gay man who has full rights as an individual & father in this supposedly fair society & that he Could & WOULD be a happier out individual now more than ever (compared to being with his pathetic wife).

[lucwind78]

It's scary to know that the church actually involved in his divorce and the law is always siding them.

I find the law in this Country is never evolving. It's back dated, old, conservative, bias and never fair. The law is so far from evolution that it can no longer catch up.

It's scary to see how these so call Christ believer actually twisted the original intention of his holiness and turn it against us.

I wonder, if one day, they will form a cult to wipe us off this land that we once call home.

Seriously... esp on National day, thinking back how we PLUs and Singles are treated... somehow i recon... what has this society done for me? It's more of how this society has done to me!

In our society, gay ppl are not allow to have children. We are forever in the loosing end as long as we live here.

SAD but true.

Edited August 10, 2009 by lucwind78