crazygolfer Posted June 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Golf Joke: Bad Shot"It’s never easy to get a bad shot out of your head." A man thought standing over his shot. Then, loudly, a megaphone from the pro shop called out, "Would the gentleman on the ladies tee-box, please move back to one of the men's tee boxes." Continuing, trying to concentrate, he waggled his club. "Would the man on the ladies tee-box, please move back to a man's tee box," again from the pro-shop. Unable to take it, our golfer stands up and shouts back, "Let me hit my second shot." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Golf Quote: The most important shot in golf is the next one. ~ Ben Hogan (US Golf Legend) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Golf Quote: If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age. ~ Thomas Mulligan Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Golf Quote: When the ducks are walking, you know it is too windy to be playing golf. ~ Dave Stockton (US Golf Professional) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Golf Quote: The woods are full of long drivers. ~ Harvey Penick (US Teaching Golf Professional) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Golf Joke: A mockery of the game Bill, the avid golfer got married; the marriage was getting into problems as he was playing golf five days a week. They finally talked about it and Sally asked Bill if he could teach her golf. That way they both could enjoy golf and improve their marriage. Bill argued that golf is a serious game and that she is just trying to destroy the one perfect thing in life. After some arguing, Bill agreed to have her go to the course with him. They went to the course and Sally signed up to take some lessons with the local pro. The lessons kept going on everyday, and Bill was happy she didn't bother him. One day, Bill's buddy Ralph asked him how the marriage was going. Bill replied, "It is great; ever since she started taking golf lessons, she doesn't bother me and lets me play all the golf I want." Ralph replied with a sad shake of his head, "Really? Then I guess you don't know that she is screwing around with the golf pro!" Bill's eyes turned red, smoke came out of his ears, and he became quite scary. He said, "I knew it couldn't last; I knew Sally would make a mockery of the game! Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Golf Quote:The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. ~ Ben Hogan (US Golf Legend) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Golf Quote:One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good. ~ George Archer (US Golf Professional) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Golf Quote:The more you play it the less you know about it. ~ Patty Berg (US Lady Golf Professional) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Golf Joke: Backspin An amateur was talking to his golf pro.Amateur: "How do you get so much backspin?''Pro: "Before I answer that, tell me, how far do you hit a 5 iron?''Amateur: "About 130.''Pro: "Then why in the world would you want the ball to spin back !?'' Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2009 Golf Joke: Who's tee ?As the two players approached the ninth tee they noticed what appeared to be a small picnic party assembled right on the spot. "Here, what are you doing with our tee?" one called out. "I it ain't yours," came the retort. "We brought it with us all the way from town." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2009 Golf Joke: A mockery of the game Bill, the avid golfer got married; the marriage was getting into problems as he was playing golf five days a week. They finally talked about it and Sally asked Bill if he could teach her golf. That way they both could enjoy golf and improve their marriage. Bill argued that golf is a serious game and that she is just trying to destroy the one perfect thing in life. After some arguing, Bill agreed to have her go to the course with him. They went to the course and Sally signed up to take some lessons with the local pro. The lessons kept going on everyday, and Bill was happy she didn't bother him. One day, Bill's buddy Ralph asked him how the marriage was going. Bill replied, "It is great; ever since she started taking golf lessons, she doesn't bother me and lets me play all the golf I want." Ralph replied with a sad shake of his head, "Really? Then I guess you don't know that she is screwing around with the golf pro!" Bill's eyes turned red, smoke came out of his ears, and he became quite scary. He said, "I knew it couldn't last; I knew Sally would make a mockery of the game! Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Golf Quote: When the ducks are walking, you know it is too windy to be playing golf. ~ Dave Stockton (US Golf Professional) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Golf Quote:The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. ~ Ben Hogan (US Golf Legend) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Golf Quote:One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good. ~ George Archer (US Golf Professional) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Golf Joke: My desire to marry youThis fellow and gal had been playing golf together every weekend for about 3 years. One day as they are on the 5th hole the fellow said "You know we've been playing golf for a number of years and we enjoy the same things so I'd like to ask your hand in marriage?" The lady said "mm, well let me think on it that's quite a surprise. So as they reached the 14th tee she said "I've been considering your proposal but before I could possibly accept I have to make you aware of something. I was watching Arnold Palmer in a tournament and he happened to notice me watching and asked me to dinner. I accepted, of course, but also I went to bed with Arnold". The fellow said "I'll be darn, that's incredible, he's my idol and it absolutely doesn't remove my desire to marry you". Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 7, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2009 Golf Joke: Golf Addict! You are a GOLF-Addict if... You think that some day you'll shoot your age, when a more realistic goal would be to shoot your weight! You know there's more to life than golf, but you’re not interested in finding out what it is! You quit the game forever, twice a month!You buy every new golf gizmo that comes out!You think you're skillful and everybody else is lucky!You miss the ball, but still think it was a great swing!The new clubs you just bought cost more than your mortgage and car payment combined!You can't break a 100 but still think you could give Tiger a few tips! Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 Golf Quote:The more you play it the less you know about it. ~ Patty Berg (US Lady Golf Professional) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 Golf Quote:Golf is a better game played downhill. ~ Jack Nicklaus (US Golf Professional) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 Golf Quote:Nothing goes down slower than a golf handicap. ~ Bobby Nichols (US Golf Professional)] Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 Golf Joke: The pro and the JPThe Justice of the Peace in a small town was about to tee off with two other friends one day when the club pro volunteered to join them. It seemed like the perfect opportunity for a free lesson. But instead of being helpful the pro was openly critical of the JP's game. At every bumbled shot, the pro made a joke about the justice.But the criticism didn't even stop at the end of the round. The pro continued to embarrass the JP in the clubhouse among his friends. Finally the pro got up to leave and said, "Judge, let's do it again sometime. If you can't find anybody else to make a foursome, I'll be glad to play with you again.""Well that would be fine," the justice of the peace said. "How about next Saturday? I don't think any of my friends can join us, so why don't you just have your parents join us, and after our round I can marry them." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2009 Golf Joke: Ambitions of Poorer Players The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition. "Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win." "Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily. When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?" "Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2009 Golf Quote:I never learned anything from a match that I won. ~ Bobby Jones (US Golf Legend) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2009 Golf Quote:The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top. ~ Pete Dye (US Golf Course Designer) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 Golf Joke: Golf Attack A nurse noticed a man in golf attire pacing up and down outside the operating room where another golfer who had a golf ball driven down his throat, was being treated. "Is he a relative of yours?" the nurse, stepping outside the room, asked the pacing golfer. "No," replied the man, "That's my ball!" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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crazygolfer Posted June 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 Golf Quote:My golf is improving. Yesterday I hit the ball in one! ~ Jane Swan Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 Golf Quote:You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. ~ Bob Bruce (US Baseball Player) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 Golf Quote:Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~ Jack Benny (US Comedian) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 Golf Quote:My wife, she still gives me a hard time, and says I hunt too much or I like to play golf too much. And she's probably right, but it sure beats some of the things I used to do. ~ Brett Favre (US Footballer) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 Golf Joke: Tough ShotA young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall.” Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 Golf Joke: Don’t Step On The DucksThree golfing buddies died in an auto accident and went to heaven. Upon arrival, they noticed the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter told them they were welcome to play the course, but he cautioned them with one rule: “Don’t step on the ducks.”The men had blank expressions on their faces, and finally one of them said, “The ducks?” “Yes,” St. Peter Said. “There are millions of ducks walking around the golf course, and when one of them is stepped on, he squawks, and then the one next to him squawks, and soon they’re all raising hell and it really breaks the tranquility. If you step on the ducks, you’ll be punished.”The men start playing the course, and within 15 minutes, one of the guys stepped on a duck. The duck squawked, and soon there was a deafening roar of ducks quacking. St. Peter appeared with an extremely homely woman and asked, “Who stepped on a duck?” “I did,” admitted one of the men. St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man to the homely woman. “I told you not to step on the ducks,” he said. “Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity.”The two other men were very cautious not to step on any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before, and within minutes, St. Peter walked up with a woman who was even uglier than the other one. He determined who stepped on the duck by seeing the fear in the man’s face, and he cuffed him to the woman. “I told you not to step on the ducks,” St. Peter said. “Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity.”The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn’t even move for fear of nudging a duck. After three months of this, he still hadn’t stepped on a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man and had with him the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled and without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off.The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a sigh and said, “What have I done to deserve this?” The woman replied: “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck.” Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 Golf Joke: Couldn't get over the waterThese two couples play golf together regularly at their club, and on the sixth hole, a par four, the second shot to the green must carry 80 yards over water. One of the women, Mrs. Smith, for over a year, could never carry the water, and would always hit into it, totally psyched out by the presence of the water. Her friend in the group suggested that she might want to see a hynotherapist as rumor was that that could be of help in such a situation. So the woman went to a hypnotherapist for four sessions. In those sessions, the woman was hypnotized and the therapist would "plant suggestions" that when playing the second shot on the sixth hole, she would not see water, but rather a plush green fairway leading all the way up to the green. About six months later, someone at the club asked whatever happened to Mrs. Smith, that she hadn't seen Mrs. Smith playing golf at the club for almost four months now. She was informed that five months earlier, Mrs. Smith had drowned at the par four sixth! Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 Golf Quote:Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. ~ Bruce Lansky Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 Golf Quote:All I've got against golf is it takes you so far from the clubhouse. ~ Eric Linklater (British Writer) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 Golf Quote: Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything. ~ Michael Bamberger Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 Golf Joke: The Twosome A fellow was getting ready to tee off by himself on the first hole when a tall, stately, grey haired gentleman approached and asked if he could join him.The first man said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.They were even after the first two holes.The tall, stately gentleman said, We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?'The first fellow said he was a pretty good player, and that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms, thinking we're pretty even so far, so why not?The stately gentleman played 'straight & true' golf the rest of the round and won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.As they were walking off the 18th green, and while counting his $80, the tall, stately golfer confessed that he was the teaching pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.The first fellow revealed that he was the parish priest.The pro got all flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.The priest said, 'You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings.'The pro said, 'Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?'The priest said, 'Well, you could come to mass on Sunday and make donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them.' Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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crazygolfer Posted June 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 Golf Quote:Golf is just a game - and an idiotic game most of the time. ~ Mark Calcavecchia (US Golf Professional) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 Golf Quote:I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper. ~ David Brenner (US Comedian) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 Golf Quote:There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground. ~ Ben Hogan (US Golf Legend) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 Golf Quote:Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best. ~ Jack Nicklaus (US Golf Professional) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 Golf Joke: Backspin An amateur was talking to his golf pro.Amateur: "How do you get so much backspin?''Pro: "Before I answer that, tell me, how far do you hit a 5 iron?''Amateur: "About 130.''Pro: "Then why in the world would you want the ball to spin back !?'' Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 Golf Joke: LOFTThere are three men who wanted to learn how to play golf, so they hired a golf instructor. The instructor asked the three men to hit the golf ball as far as they can. One man hit way to the right, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"Then the second man hit it way to the left, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!" Then the third man hit the golf ball two feet ahead of him, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!" The three puzzled men asked the instructor what "LOFT" meant.The instructor simply said, "Lack of freaking talent!" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 Golf Quote: Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies. ~ Bobby Jones (US Golf Legend) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 Golf Quote: Golf is 20 percent mechanics and technique. The other 80 pecent is philosophy, humor, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness and conversation. ~ Grantland Rice (US Sportwriter) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 Golf Joke: Ambitions of Poorer Players The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition. "Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win." "Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily. When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?" "Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2009 Golf Quote: Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting. ~ Peter Dobereiner Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2009 Golf Quote: If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. ~ Dean Martin (US Actor Singer) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2009 Golf Quote:There are two basic rules which should never be broken. Be subtle. And don't, for God's sake, try to do business with anyone who's having a bad game. ~ William Davis Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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