crazygolfer Posted June 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2009 Golf Joke: AnonymousDrive for show, Putt for dough, Shank for comic relief.Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well.Real golfers know how to count over five, when they have a bad hole.Real golfers don’t miss putts, they get robbed.In golf as in life, it’s the follow through that makes the difference.Golf is an easy game… it’s just hard to play.Real golfers don’t cry when they line up their fourth putt.If there is any larceny in man, golf will bring it out. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2009 Golf Quote:A kid grows up a lot faster on the golf course. Golf teaches you how to behave. ~ Jack Nicklaus (US Golf Professional) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2009 Golf Quote:Golf is the most useless outdoor game ever devised to waste the time and try the spirit of man. ~ Westbrook Pegler (US Journalist) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2009 Golf Quote:If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon (US Actor/Comedian) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2009 Golf Quote: Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. ~ Winston Churchill (former British PM) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2009 Golf Quote: I may be the only golfer never to have broken a single putter, if you don't count the one I twisted into a loop and threw into a bush. ~ Thomas Boswell (US Sport Columnist) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 22, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2009 Golf Joke: Forgot SomethingA golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs back into the water. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Golf Quote:My golf game's gone off so much that when I went fishing a couple of weeks ago my first cast missed the lake. ~ Ben Crenshaw (US Golf Professional) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Golf Quote:While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ~ Henry Youngman (British Comedian) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Golf Quote:Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~ Harry Vardon (British Golf Legend) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Golf Quote:I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course. ~ Billy Graham (US Evangelist) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Golf Quote:Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. ~ William Wordsworth (British Poet) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Golf Quote:I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. ~ Will Rogers (US Comedian) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Golf Quote: It's so ridiculous to see a golfer with a one foot putt and everybody is saying "Shhh" and not moving a muscle. Then we allow nineteen year-old kids to face a game-deciding free throw with seventeen thousand people yelling. ~ Al McGuire (US Basketball Coach) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Golf Joke: Golf BallsA man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said: 'Its golf balls'. Nevertheless, the blond continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked: 'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?' Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2009 Golf Quote:Golf is the only sport that a professional can enjoy playing with his friends. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez (US Golf Professional) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2009 Golf Quote:The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law. ~ H G Wells (British Author) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2009 Golf Joke: Father Murphy Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner.On the first hole, he sliced into the rough.His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover !" under his breath.On the second hole, Father Murphy's ball went straight into a water hazard."Hoover!" again a little louder this time.On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Father Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole!"Praise be to Lord!"He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER ! ! !"By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover"."It's the biggest dam I know." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2009 Golf Quote:Never take a mulligan on a par 3. A "hole in three" is not a fun story to relive. ~ Brian Weis Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2009 Golf Quote:Golf is the hardest game in the world to play and the easiest to cheat at.~ Dave Hill Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2009 Golf Quote: Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2009 Golf Quote:The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2009 Golf Joke: Avid golfersTwo avid golfers were sitting in the clubhouse. One said to his friend, "I'm sorry to hear that your uncle passed away last week. I understand it was while you two were playing golf. I hear you carried him all the way back to the clubhouse. That must have been very hard for you considering he weighed over two hundred pounds." Oh, carrying him wasn't that hard," said his friend, sadly. "The difficult part was putting him down . . . and then picking him up again after each stroke." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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crazygolfer Posted July 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Golf Quote:The greens are harder than a whore's heart [Winged Foot Golf Club, New York] ~ Sam Snead (US Golf Legend) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Golf Quote:The older you get, the easier it is to shoot your age. ~ Jerry Barber Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Golf Quote: This is a game of misses. The guy who misses the best is going to win. ~ Ben Hogan (US Golf Legend) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Short Golf Joke:Q: What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?A: When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it! :whistle: Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 Short Golf Joke: Who's tee ?As the two players approached the ninth tee they noticed what appeared to be a small picnic party assembled right on the spot. "Here, what are you doing with our tee?" one called out. "I it ain't yours," came the retort. "We brought it with us all the way from town." :whistle: Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Golf Quote: If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon (US Actor) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Golf Quote:If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Bob Hope (US Actor/Comedian) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 Golf Quote:The greens are harder than a whore's heart [Winged Foot Golf Club, New York] ~ Sam Snead (US Golf Legend) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 Golf Quote:The older you get, the easier it is to shoot your age. ~ Jerry Barber Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 Golf Quote: This is a game of misses. The guy who misses the best is going to win. ~ Ben Hogan (US Golf Legend) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 Golf Joke: Lost and FoundI say greenkeeper, I dropped my bottle of Scotch out of the bag somewhere on the seventh. Anything handed in at lost-and-found?" "Only the golfer who played after you, sir." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2009 Golf Quote:May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. ~ Ben Hogan (US Golf Legend) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 Golf Quote: Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf... and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf. ~ Jack Benny Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 Golf Quote:That divot is so deep, I will need a sod cutter to fix it. ~ Brian Weis Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 Golf Quote: Practice puts brains in your muscles. ~ Sam Snead Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 Golf Joke: The visiting aliensAn alien spaceship hovered over a golf course. Two aliens were watching a solitary golfer practising on a golf course. This was a new golfer and they watched in amazement. The golfer duff his tee shot, shanked his second into the rough, took three to get out of the rough into the fairway, slice the next shot into the bushes, took a putter to get it out on the fairway again.Meanwhile, one alien told the other that he must be playing some sort of game and they continued to observe the golfer.Hit a great shot into a bunker by the green. He took several shots to get out of the bunker and finally on to the green. He putted several times until he finally got into the hole. At this stage, the other alien told his partner, "Wow, now he is in serious trouble". Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 Golf Quote: Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. ~ P.J. O'Rourke Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 Golf Quote: Bad Sausage and five bogeys will give you a stomach ache every time. ~ Miller Barber Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 Short Golf Joke: Golfer & FishermanQ: What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?A: When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it! Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 Golf Quote: I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced. ~ Lee Trevino (US Golf Professional) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2009 Golf Joke: Interlocking GripTwo Men were leaving church on a bright Sunday morning."You know," said the first friend, "I can always tell who the golfers are in church.""How's that?" asked his friend."It's easy," he said. "Just look at who is praying with an interlocking grip." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2009 Golf Joke: Three guyzThree guyz walk into a hotel to stay for the night and the first guy asks if he can get a room the lady behind the desk says yeah, but i am sorry sir there are 18 pigs in it will that be ok? yeah that will be fine says the man.Next, the second guy asks for a room and the lady says “yeah but there are 18 cows in it”, the man says oh that is fine just give it to me im tired.The final guy asks if he can get one and she is like”yeah but there are 18 naked women in it.” “oh that sounds good,” says the man, “i’ll take it. So the next morning all the guyz are sittin around havin breakfest and the first guy goes “damn i feel like a pig i just slept with eighteen of them!”The second guy goes “man i feel just like a cow i just slept with eighteen of them!” The third guy goes,”man i feel like a golf ball, i just got done doing eighteen holes. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 22, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2009 Golf Joke: Golf NutEd and Harriet met while on a cruise, and Ed fell head over heels in love with her.. On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they would continue their relationship. 'It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut,' Ed said to his lady friend. 'I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that's a problem, you'd better say so now.'Harriet responded, 'If we're being honest with each other, here goes... I'm a hooker.' 'I see,' Ed replied, and was quiet for a moment. Then he added, 'You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off.' Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 Golf Joke: Ambitions Of PoorerThe golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition. "Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win." "Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily. When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?" "Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2009 Golf Joke: Golf with a civil servantGood lord, Binky," the old admiral roared to his friend as he came into the clubhouse looking anything but pleased. "I've just been playing with a chappie from the Treasury. One of those civil service wallahs." "Good oh, Bunny," replied the other old regular absently. "Bring him in for a drink." "Can't," replied the old sea dog. "Playing the sixteenth someone shouted `fore' and the blighter sat down to wait for a cup of tea. I've come in and left him sitting there." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 Golf Joke: Ambitions Of PoorerThe golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition. "Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win." "Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily. When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?" "Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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