Golf Discussion 2, Golf Joke, Quote, Etc

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Only a Golfer

 

A golf pro passes away and is standing in line at the pearly gates. Impatient and self serving, he skips line and heads right for St. Peter.

 

Explaining to St. Peter that he is a professional golfer and deserves better than waiting in line like others, he demands to be admitted to heaven.

 

St. Peter replies that there are no favouritism in heaven and that he must wait in line as the others. Grudgingly, the pro heads toward the back of the line to wait his turn.

 

Just as he reaches the back of the line, he notices a gentleman, dressed similarly and carrying a putter, approach St. Peter. St. Peter nods and allows the fellow to walk through the gates into heaven.

 

The golf pro, not believing his eyes, storms up to St. Peter demanding an explanation: "I'm a scratch golfer and have been for 20 years, and have been denied immediate entry to heaven, yet you let that weekend golfer walk right in."

 

"Oh, that guy," replies St. Peter. "That's the Almighty. He only thinks he's a golfer."

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: The Fortune Teller

 

Golfer: "Are there golf courses in Heaven?"

Fortune Teller: "I have good news, and I have bad news..."

 

Golfer: "What's the good news?"

Fortune Teller: "The good news is that Heaven's golf courses are beautiful beyond anything you could imagine!"

 

Golfer: "How could there be any bad news with that?"

Fortune Teller: "You have a tee-time at 8:30 tomorrow morning."

 

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Eventually

 

A pretty terrible golfer was playing a round of golf for which he had hired a caddie. The round proved to be somewhat tortuous for the caddie to watch and he was getting a bit exasperated by the poor play of his employer.

At one point the ball lay about 180 yards from the green and the as the golfer sized up his situation, he asked his caddie, "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?" And the caddie replied, "Eventually."

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: The Caddie

 

One day, a beginner golfer went playing golf. After standing a while on the green he asked the boy standing beside him: "You are my caddie for today?"

"Yes," answered the boy.

"You are good in finding lost balls?"

"Oh yes, I find every lost ball!"

"Okay, boy, then run and search for one, then we can start!"

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Any improvement?

 

Golfer: "Notice any improvement today, Jimmy?"

Caddie: "Yes, ma'am. You've had your hair done."

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: It's a funny game

 

After a series of disastrous holes, the strictly amateur golfer in an effort to smother his rage laughed hollowly and said to his caddie:

 

"This golf is a funny game."

 

"It's not supposed to be," said the boy gravely

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Take your 5-wood

 

 

Then there's the one about the golfer and his caddie who enjoyed a good argument, especially about what clubs to use. The caddie usually won but this day, faced with a long short hole, the golfer decided that a 3-iron would be best.

 

 

"Take a 5-wood," growled the caddie. But the golfer stuck to his choice and the caddie watched gloomily as the ball sailed over the fairway, landed neatly on the green and rolled politely into the hole.

 

"You see," grinned the triumphant golfer.

 

"You would have done still better with your 5-wood," came the dogged reply.

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: That's not my ball

 

"That can't be my ball, caddie. It looks far too old.", said the player looking at a ball deep in the trees.

 

"It's a long time since we started, sir."

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: What's the line, caddy?

 

On the seventeenth of the Wentworth Club Course a very careful player was studying the green. First he got down on his hands and knees to check out the turf between his ball and the hole. Then he flicked several pieces of grass out of the way and getting up he held up a wet finger to try out the direction of the wind. Then turning to his caddie he asked:

 

"Was the green mowed this morning?"

 

"Yes, sir." "Right to left or left to right?"

 

"Right to left, sir."

 

The golfer putted... and missed the hole completely. He whirled on the caddie, "What TIME?"

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Drive and a putt

 

That's good for one long drive and a putt," said the cocky golfer as he teed his ball and looked down the fairway to the green. He swung mightily and hit his ball which landed about a metre from the tee.

 

His caddie handed him a club and remarked: "And now for one hell of a putt."

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Golfing Lawyer

 

A chap was teeing off and hit a lousy ball onto the next fairway and en route struck another golfer on the head.

He shouted at the lousy hitter, "I am a lawyer and this will cost you, maybe 5000.00."

The golfer yelled back, "I am sorry bit I did shout FORE"

The lawyer replied, "OK I will take it!!!"

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: The What If Golf Story

What if you were playing in the club championship tournament finals and the match was halved at the end of 17 holes. You had the honor and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple six iron to the pin.

 

Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway. Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent look for his ball. Just before the permitted five minute search period ends, your opponent says: "Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don't find it in time, I'll concede the match." You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet from the pin.

 

About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent exclaim from deep in the woods: "I found it!". The second sound you hear is a click, the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the woods and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from the hole. Now the real "what if" in this story......

What if you had your opponent's ball in your pocket?

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: This is my first golf lesson

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.

 

“Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?” she asked the instructor.

 

“P-u-t-t is correct,” he replied.

 

“Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.”

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Irish Golfer

A golfer was on vacation in Ireland and while playing he made a hole-in-one. With that a leprechaun jumps out from the trees and says, "I am the lucky leprechaun of the 13th hole. I'll grant you any wish."

The player thought a bit and said, "Could you make me weeny a bit larger"

"Wish granted." says the leprechaun, as he skips away.

Well, by the time he got to the 14th tee it was showin' below his shorts.

He continued his game and on the 15th hole it was draggin' along behind him.

By the 18th he could hardly make it to the green.

He went straight to the pro shop and asked the pro how to fix it. He was told that legend has it that you must go back and make another ace and see the leprechaun again.

After purchasing five buckets of balls he made his way back to the 13th and frantically began hitting shot after shot until finally he made the hole-in-one.

Again the leprechaun offered any wish.

The player asked, "Could ya make me legs a bit longer"

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Just Think...

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Golf Again?

"You're going out to play golf again" his wife complained.

"I'm only doing under doctor’s orders." replied her husband.

"Do I look stupid to you" she screamed.

"But it’s true," he said, walking out the door. "He specifically told me I should get some iron everyday."

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Lost Golf Ball

The golfer had lost his ball and was a little annoyed with his caddy. "Why the hell didn't you watch where it went" he asked.

"Well sir," said the boy, "it don't usually go anywhere, so when you did hit the ball, it sort of caught me by surprise!"

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Golf vs Tennis

The difference between golf and tennis is that tennis is murder - you just want to kill the other player.

Golf is suicide - you just want to kill yourself..."

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Russian Roulette

1st man: My wife had a great idea that I take up a new sport for the summer.

2nd man: Well that's great, she truly does has your interests at heart. What did she suggest golf "

1st man: No, but do you know how to play Russian Roulette"

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Green Balls

A man enters the golf pro shop and looks all around, frowning.

After watching him for a bit, the pro asks him what he wants.

"I can't find any green golf balls," the man replies.

"Well, I don't think they make them, but I can check."

The pro looks all over the shop, through all the catalogs, even calls all the ball manufacturers. Sure enough, no one makes green golf balls. As the man walks out the door, the pro asks him, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls"

"Because they'd be so much easier to find in the sand traps!!"

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: You did it!

 

Caddying for the elderly beginner had required great patience. He was doddery but he was dogged and he had sworn to break 100 before the summer was out. In fact there was a bottle of malt riding on it - his faithful caddie would receive it when the magic score had been broken.

 

Then arrived a day when dogged persistence seemed about to pay off for both player and caddie. They were on the green at the eighteenth and only 97 strokes had been accounted for.

 

Player and caddie were excited and in the grip of such emotion it was small wonder that the player sent his first putt racing three metres past the hole.

 

In a flash the caddie had dropped the flagstick, picked up the ball and was crying excitedly. "Well done, sir! You've done it! You've done it! Anyone would give you that."

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Lost ball

 

Friendly golfer (to player searching for lost ball): "What sort of a ball was it?"

 

Caddie (butting in): "A brand new one - never been properly hit yet!"

 

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: My balls are itchy

 

Michael lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play Golf and Bowls but couldn't do so anymore.

One day, in his despair, Michael decided to commit suicide. He got into an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge ... ... looking down he saw this man skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels.

Michael looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms.

 

He started thinking, what am I doing up here, feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. The man with no arms is happily skipping down the sidewalk and going on with his life.

Michael hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. Michael told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. Michael thanked him again for saving his life and said he knew he will be able to make it with one arm if you could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms then began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again..

 

Michael asked, "Why are you so happy?"

He said, "I'm NOT happy!"......

"My balls are itchy !!!"

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: He's not my caddie

 

Rich Texans are fabled for their grand style but when one oil tycoon appeared at a local British golf course followed by a servant pulling a foam-cushioned chaise-longue, his opponents thought that this was taking style too far.

 

"J. R., are you going to make that poor caddie lug that couch all over the course after you?" he was asked.

"Caddie, my eye," explained J. R. "That's my psychiatrist."

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: 3-Feet Tall

 

One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips. They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says, "When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree."

 

So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started. "Of course," added the grandpa, "when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall."

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Hole-in-One

 

Q. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants when he went golfing?

A. In case he got a "hole in one".

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Breaking 60

 

Hawk and Tom were talking in the bar. Hawk said," I just got kicked off the course for breaking 60."

Tom looked at him, amazed. " Breaking 60? That's amazing!"

Hawk smiled and said," Yeah, I never knew a golf cart could go that fast!"

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Hot Water

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she blindfold him and takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, John! How ya doin?"

Once inside his wife removes the blindfold but she's puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says John. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks John if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the first nine, honey.

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around John, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Johnny. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

John's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. John follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

 

John tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him or someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book.

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: What's Your Handicap?

 

A businessman was attending a conference in Africa. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of golf and was directed to a golf course in the nearby jungle. After a short journey, he arrived at the course and asked the pro if he could get on.

"Sure," said the pro, "What's your handicap"

Not wanting to admit that he had an 18 handicap, he decided to cut it a bit. "Well, its 16," said the businessman,
"But what's the relevance since I'll be playing alone"

"It's very important for us to know," said the pro, who then called a caddy.

"Go out with this gentleman," said the pro, "his handicap is 16."

The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap. The caddy picked up the businessman's bag and a large rifle. Again, the businessman was surprised, but decided to ask no questions.

They arrived on the 1st hole, a par-4.

"It's wise to avoid those trees on the left," said the caddy.

Needless to say, the businessman duck-hooked his ball into the trees. He found his ball and was about to punch it out when he heard the loud crack of the rifle and a large snake fell dead from a tree above his head. The caddy stood next to him with the rifle smoking in his hand.

"That's the Black Mamba, the most poisonous snake in all Africa. You're lucky I was here with you."

After taking a bogey, they moved to the 2nd hole, a par-5.

"Good to avoid those bushes on the right," says the caddy.

Of course, the businessman's ball went straight into the bushes. As he went to pick up his ball, he heard the loud crack of the caddy's rifle once again, and a huge lion fell dead at his feet.

"I've saved your life again," said the caddy.

The 3rd hole was a par-3 with a lake in front of the green. The businessman's ball came up just short of the green and rolled back to the edge of the water. To take a shot, he had to stand with one foot in the lake. As he was about to swing, a large crocodile emerged from the water and bit off much of his right leg.

As he fell to the ground bleeding and in great pain, he saw the caddy with the rifle propped at his side, looking on unconcernedly.

"Why didn't you kill it" asked the man incredulously. "I'm sorry, sir," said the caddy. "This is the 17th handicap hole. You don't get a shot here."

And that, my golfing friends, is why you should never lie about your handicap!

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Teeing Of Women’s Tee Box

It was a sunny morning, a little before 8:00 AM, on the first hole of a busy course, and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker:"Would the gentleman on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee, please"

I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee, please!"

I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more the man yelled, "Would the man on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee, please!"

I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back.... "Would the asshole with the microphone kindly keep quiet and let me play my second shot"!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: At The Water Cooler

Two men are talking at the water cooler at work one Monday morning.

"What did you do this weekend" asked Don.

"Dropped hooks into water." replied Dave.

"Fishing, eh"

"No, golfing."

 

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Lost Golf Ball

The golfer had lost his ball and was a little annoyed with his caddy. "Why the hell didn't you watch where it went" he asked.

"Well sir," said the boy, "it don't usually go anywhere, so when you did hit the ball, it sort of caught me by surprise!"

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Golf vs Tennis

The difference between golf and tennis is that tennis is murder - you just want to kill the other player.

Golf is suicide - you just want to kill yourself..."

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Blonde Golfer

One day a Blonde was walking down the street when the club pro saw her out of the glimpse of his eye and yelled "do you want to play"

She replied "no I don't know how to and I don't even know how to hold the caddy."

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Stinky 7 Iron

A fellow goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, every time I swing my 7 iron I pass this outrageous gas."

He swings the iron in the doctor's office and breaks a loud sound of wind. He swings the 8 iron and nothing, he swings the 6 and nothing.

He swings the 7 again the same loud sound is heard, followed by a very foul smell. The doctor says,"H'm, interesting case," and gets up and grabs a long pole laying against the wall.

"What are you going to do with that," the fellow nervously asks, fearing the worst. "I'm going to open the window and let some air into this room," the Doc replies.

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Worse Golfers??!!

 

 

Myself and a fellow caddy recently helped two aged Germans around our course.

Failing yet again to get the ball in the air the worst golfer of the pair exclaimed "I suppose you have never seen any player worse than me"

My friend the caddy replied that "there are plenty worse than you sir but they are no longer playing."

 

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Slow golfers are ahead of us

 

 

Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace. Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets about half of the way there stops and jogs back.

 

His boss asks what the problem is. “Well one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress,” complained Joe. Phil just shook his head at Joe and started toward the women determined to finish his round of golf. Preparing to ask the ladies to speed up their game, he too stopped short and turned around.

Joe asked “what’s wrong?” It’s a small, small world Joe, and you’re fired”

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: The Golf Fence

 

 

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady." I'd better go back and see if I can find them.. Thanks for telling me officer."

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady." You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it, and say, 'OK, buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everyone pays."

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Trevino's ex caddie

 

Mulholland believed himself a superior caddie. He certainly had a superior attitude towards the man whose clubs he carried. Why only last month he had caddied for Lee Trevino, and now each time his client asked for a 5-wood, the boy would sneer,

 

"Lee Trevino used a 4-iron from here." And so it continued all the way around. The caddie recommended the clubs Trevino would have used and the golfer's game went rapidly from bad to worse.

 

Finally, at the eighteenth, there was a huge lake to cross.

 

"OK, know-all," said the golfer, "what would Trevino suggest here?"

 

"I think if Lee had come this far with you, he'd say, `Use an old ball."'

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: He's not my caddie

 

Rich Texans are fabled for their grand style but when one oil tycoon appeared at a local British golf course followed by a servant pulling a foamcushioned chaise-longue, his opponents thought that this was taking style too far.

 

"J. R., are you going to make that poor caddie lug that couch all over the course after you?" he was asked.

 

"Caddie, my eye," explained J. R. "That's my psychiatrist."

 

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: I know the next shot

 

He'd sliced his drive and watched resignedly as the ball plummeted into the woods. He followed after and found his ball - surrounded by thick undergrowth and wedged firmly between two tree roots. He contemplated the situation for a few profoundly silent minutes then turned to his caddie and asked: "You know what shot I'm going to take here."

 

"Yes, sir," replied the boy as he took a hip flask of malt from the bag.

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: I don't usually play this way

 

I want you to know that this is not the game I usually play," snapped an irate golfer to his caddie. "I should hope not, sir. But tell me," enquired the caddie, "what game do you usually play?"

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: It’s called Golf

 

 

The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.

Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players!

Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.

There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly ... or start cheating.

An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice ... once before swinging, and once again, after swinging.

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize or laugh.

Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.

Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words were taken.

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: I forgot

 

 

"How was your game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. 
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered. 

"But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" 
"But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack. 

"But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out. 
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. 

"Yup," Scott answered. 
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. 
"I forgot."

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Eventually

 

 

A pretty terrible golfer was playing a round of golf for which he had hired a caddie. The round proved to be somewhat tortuous for the caddie to watch and he was getting a bit exasperated by the poor play of his employer.

At one point the ball lay about 180 yards from the green and the as the golfer sized up his situation, he asked his caddie, "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?" And the caddie replied, "Eventually."

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: What can I do ?

 

 

Fred was playing off the sixth tee at the Royal Quebec Club. The fairway of the sixth needed some skill because it ran alongside the road. But Fred sliced the ball badly and it disappeared over the hedge bordering the road.

 

 

So he put another ball down and took the penalty. He was having a beer after the game when the pro joined him in the bar. "Excuse me Fred, but was it you who sliced this ball into the road at the sixth this morning?"

 

 

"Yes, but I took the penalty." "That's as may be. But you might be interested to know that your ball hit and killed a small boy on a tricycle; the tricycle fell in the path of a Mountie on a motorcycle. He skidded and was thrown through the window of a car, killing the nun at the wheel. The car then swerved into a cement mixer which wasn't too damaged but had to veer slightly and in doing so ran into the local school bus with such an impact that it sent it flying through the window of the St Lawrence shopping centre. At last count from the hospital there are thirteen people dead and seventy-nine people seriously injured."

 

 

The golfer turned a deathly shade of white and said, "What can I do?"

 

"Well, you could try moving your left hand a little bit further down the shaft," the pro advised.

 

 

 

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: The Fortune Teller

 

 

Golfer: "Are there golf courses in Heaven?"

Fortune Teller: "I have good news, and I have bad news..."

 

Golfer: "What's the good news?"

Fortune Teller: "The good news is that Heaven's golf courses are beautiful beyond anything you could imagine!"

 

Golfer: "How could there be any bad news with that?"

Fortune Teller: "You have a tee-time at 8:30 tomorrow morning."

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: You Are My First

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground, when he finally gets himself to the doctor.

 I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."

The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.

She says, "You are my FIRST, no one has ever touched these breasts."

He whips down his pants and says... " Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: Great Ball

 

 

Bob and Tom both like to golf. One day Bob went to Tom and said, "Hey look at this great ball!"

 

Tom replied, "What’s so great about it?" Bob said, "Well if you lose it, it will beep until you find it, and if it goes into the water it will float.

 

This ball is impossible to lose!" "Wow!", said Tom, "Where did you get that from?" Bob replied, "I found it."

 

 

[crazygolfer]

Golf Joke: The Duffer

 

 

The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into some other woods.

 

Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap. All the while, he’d noticed that the club pro had been watching.

“What club should I use now?” he asked the pro.

“I don’t know,” the pro replied. “What game are you playing?”