Golf Discussion 2, Golf Joke, Quote, Etc

crazygolfer · August 2, 2013

Golf Joke: The Caddie

One day, a beginner golfer went playing golf. After standing a while on the green he asked the boy standing beside him: "You are my caddie for today?"

"Yes," answered the boy.

"You are good in finding lost balls?"

"Oh yes, I find every lost ball!"

"Okay, boy, then run and search for one, then we can start!"

crazygolfer · August 2, 2013

Golf Joke: The Tiger

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

crazygolfer · August 3, 2013

Golf Joke: Tie me up

A man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'

So he tied her up and went golfing.

crazygolfer · August 3, 2013

Golf Joke: Your Hole

A young minister and an elderly parishioner were playing golf. The minister's game was off and the old man was beating him badly.

At the end of the game, the old man tried to console his minister by saying, "don't worry, Reverend. One of these days you'll be burying me."

"Yes," said the minister, "but even then, it will be your hole!"

crazygolfer · August 20, 2013

Golf Joke: Cheater

Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Sid says to Barney, "Let's say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day."

Barney agrees and they enjoy a great game. After the 8th hole, Barney is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. "Help me find my ball; you look over there," he says to Sid.

After 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Barney pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. "I've found my ball!" he announces triumphantly.

Sid looks at him forlornly, "After all the years we've been friends, you'd cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?"

"What do you mean cheat? I found my ball sitting right here!"

"And a liar, too!" Sid says with amazement. "I'll have you know I've

been standing on your ball for the last five minutes!"

crazygolfer · August 20, 2013

Golf Joke: A Foursome

A foursome approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed of and hooked the ball into that direction.

But the ball went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and was knocked back on to the fairway. As they all stood in silent amazement, one man finally asked him, “How on earth did you do that?” He shrugged his shoulders and said, “You have to know the bus schedule.”

crazygolfer · August 20, 2013

Golf Joke: 4-Letter Word

Travis and McGee met over a beer in the local pub. After a while the subject of sports came up. Travis asked McGee, "Do you play golf?"

"Sure," said McGee, "I play well enough to know why they call it 'golf'."
Puzzled, Travis asks, "Why do they call it 'golf'?"

"Because," replied McGee, "that's the only 4-letter word left!!"

crazygolfer · August 21, 2013

Golf Joke: It's a funny game

After a series of disastrous holes, the strictly amateur golfer in an effort to smother his rage laughed hollowly and said to his caddie:

"This golf is a funny game."

"It's not supposed to be," said the boy gravely

crazygolfer · August 21, 2013

Golf Joke: Take your 5 wood

Then there's the one about the golfer and his caddie who enjoyed a good argument, especially about what clubs to use. The caddie usually won but this day, faced with a long short hole, the golfer decided that a 3-iron would be best.

"Take a 5-wood ," growled the caddie. But the golfer stuck to his choice and the caddie watched gloomily as the ball sailed over the fairway, landed neatly on the green and rolled politely into the hole.

"You see," grinned the triumphant golfer.

"You would have done still better with your 5-wood," came the dogged reply.

crazygolfer · August 22, 2013

Golf Joke: Good Shot

Two men were talking about golf. One of them said, "I shoot in the 70's."

The other replied, "That's great!"

The first one said, "Yeah, if it gets any cooler than that, I go to the clubhouse."

crazygolfer · August 22, 2013

Golf Joke: The Two Aliens

Two aliens landed their ship on a golf course and watched a young man golfing. First he hit it into the high grass, mumbling and cursing he retrieved his ball.

Then he hit it into the sand bunker shouting curse words he retrieved the ball.

Next he hit a perfect hole in one, then the first alien said to the second, "Uh-oh cover your ears he's going to be really mad now"!

August 23, 2013

Any range session?

crazygolfer · August 23, 2013

Golf Joke: That's not my ball

"That can't be my ball, caddie. It looks far too old.", said the player looking at a ball deep in the trees

"It's a long time since we started, sir."

crazygolfer · August 23, 2013

Golf Joke: What's the line caddy

On the seventeenth of the Wentworth Club Course a very careful player was studying the green. First he got down on his hands and knees to check out the turf between his ball and the hole. Then he flicked several pieces of grass out of the way and getting up he held up a wet finger to try out the direction of the wind. Then turning to his caddie he asked:

"Was the green mowed this morning?"

"Yes, sir." "Right to left or left to right?"

"Right to left, sir."

The golfer putted... and missed the hole completely. He whirled on the caddie, "What TIME?"

crazygolfer · August 27, 2013

Golf Joke: I quit

A guy to a friend: “After three sets golf clubs and ten years of lessons, I am finally getting some fun out of golf. I quit.”

crazygolfer · August 27, 2013

Golf Joke: I am in trouble

He asked for a putter, then drove three hundred yards onto the green. Then he asked for a driver and drove the ball to within two feet of the cup. Then he asked for a niblick and got the ball into the cup. “Now I’m in trouble,” he told the caddie.

“Why?”

“I don’t know what club to use to get it out.”

crazygolfer · August 27, 2013

Golf Joke: Golfing’s my Way

After hitting his 7th ball into the water on the 4th hole, a father turns to his son and says, "It takes a lot of ball to play golf the way I do."

crazygolfer · August 28, 2013

Golf Joke: Lost ball

Friendly golfer (to player searching for lost ball): "What sort of a ball was it?"

Caddie (butting in): "A brand new one - never been properly hit yet!"

crazygolfer · August 28, 2013

Golf Joke: Drive and a putt

That's good for one long drive and a putt," said the cocky golfer as he teed his ball and looked down the fairway to the green. He swung mightily and hit his ball which landed about a metre from the tee.

His caddie handed him a club and remarked: "And now for one hell of a putt."

crazygolfer · August 30, 2013

Golf Joke: You did it!

Caddying for the elderly beginner had required great patience. He was doddery but he was dogged and he had sworn to break 100 before the summer was out. In fact there was a bottle of malt riding on it - his faithful caddie would receive it when the magic score had been broken.

Then arrived a day when dogged persistence seemed about to pay off for both player and caddie. They were on the green at the eighteenth and only 97 strokes had been accounted for.

Player and caddie were excited and in the grip of such emotion it was small wonder that the player sent his first putt racing three metres past the hole.

In a flash the caddie had dropped the flagstick, picked up the ball and was crying excitedly. "Well done, sir! You've done it! You've done it! Anyone would give you that."

crazygolfer · August 30, 2013

Golf Joke: He's not my caddie

Rich Texans are fabled for their grand style but when one oil tycoon appeared at a local British golf course followed by a servant pulling a foamcushioned chaise-longue, his opponents thought that this was taking style too far.

"J. R., are you going to make that poor caddie lug that couch all over the course after you?" he was asked.

"Caddie, my eye," explained J. R. "That's my psychiatrist."

crazygolfer · August 31, 2013

Golf Joke: I know the next shot

He'd sliced his drive and watched resignedly as the ball plummeted into the woods. He followed after and found his ball - surrounded by thick undergrowth and wedged firmly between two tree roots. He contemplated the situation for a few profoundly silent minutes then turned to his caddie and asked: "You know what shot I'm going to take here."

"Yes, sir," replied the boy as he took a hip flask of malt from the bag.

crazygolfer · September 1, 2013

Golf Joke: I don't usually play this way

I want you to know that this is not the game I usually play," snapped an irate golfer to his caddie.

"I should hope not, sir. But tell me," enquired the caddie, "what game do you usually play?"

crazygolfer · September 2, 2013

Golf Joke: Trevino's ex caddie

Mulholland believed himself a superior caddie. He certainly had a superior attitude towards the man whose clubs he carried. Why only last month he had caddied for Lee Trevino, and now each time his client asked for a 5-wood, the boy would sneer, "Lee Trevino used a 4-iron from here." And so it continued all the way around. The caddie recommended the clubs Trevino would have used and the golfer's game went rapidly from bad to worse.

Finally, at the eighteenth, there was a huge lake to cross.

"OK, know-all," said the golfer, "what would Trevino suggest here?"

"I think if Lee had come this far with you, he'd say, `Use an old ball."'

crazygolfer · September 3, 2013

Golf Joke: 10 O’clock Tee-Off Time

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and its 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!"

The dentist thought to himself, my goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain. So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said:

"Open your mouth, honey, and show him."

crazygolfer · September 4, 2013

Golf Quote: Golf Swing

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.

~ John Updike

crazygolfer · September 4, 2013