crazygolfer Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Golf Quote: If you seem to be hitting your shots straight on the driving range, it's probably because you're not aiming at anything. ~ anonymous Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Golf Quote: No matter how far its shaft extends, a ball retriever is always a foot too short to reach the ball. ~ anonymous Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Golf Quote: A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours. ~ anonymous Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Golf Quote: Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.~ anonymous Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Golf Quote: No matter how badly you are playing, it's always possible to play worse. ~ anonymous Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Golf Quote: Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. ~ Arthur Daley Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Golf Joke: What’s wrong with golf? He'd rejected the idea of dieting, health spas and swimming but when his doctor advised golf, the corpulent patient thought it might be worth trying. After a few weeks, however, he was back at the doctor's and asking whether he could take up some other game. "But," protested the doctor, "what's wrong with golf? There's no finer game!" "You are doubtless correct," the patient replied, "but my trouble is that when I put the wretched ball where I can see it I can't hit it and when 1 put it where I can hit it, I can't see it!" clementi 1 Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2013 Golf Joke: Golfing Priest A young man and a priest are playing golf together. At a short par 3 the priest asks, 'What are you going to use on this hole, my son?' The young man says, 'An iron, father. How about you?' The priest says, 'I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray.' The young man hits his iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. The young man says, 'I don't know about you, father, but in my church when we pray we keep our heads down.' clementi 1 Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Golf Quote: One birdie is a hot streak. ~ anonymous Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Golf Quote: Any change works for three holes. ~ anonymous Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Golf Quote: Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture ~ Winston Churchill Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Golf Quote: The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music. ~ anonymous Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Golf Quote: I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose. ~ Gerald Ford (former US President) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Golf Quote: I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play. ~ anonymous Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Golf Quote: I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them. ~ Harry Tofcano Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Golf Quote: They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that. ~ Gardner Dickinson Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Golf Joke: Golf – below par? After a particularly bad round of golf, Robert decided not to go to the nineteenth hole [the clubhouse bar] and started to go straight home.As he was walking to the golf car park to get his Range Rover, a policeman stopped him and asked', Did you tee off on the seventeenth hole about twenty minutes ago?' 'Yes', Robert answered'Did you happen to slice your ball so that it went over the trees and out of bounds and completely off the golf course?' 'Yes, I did. How did you know?' Robert questioned.'Well', said the policeman gravely', Your golf ball flew out onto the main road and crashed through the windscreen of a BMW. The car driver lost control and crashed into six other cars and a fire engine. The fire engine was unable to reach the fire in time and the building burned down. Now, what do you intend to do about it?' Robert thought it over very carefully and responded', I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb.' clementi 1 Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Golf Joke: Funny Golf Tee-time booking Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock? Staff: Yes, we have one at 10:15. Caller: What's the next time after that? Staff: We have one at 10:22. Caller: We'll take that one. It will be a bit warmer. clementi 1 Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 Golf Quote: Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money. ~ Lee Trevino (US Golfer) Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 Golf Quote: The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil ~ anonymous Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 Golf Quote: Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens. ~ Bob Hope Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 Golf Quote: I play with friends, but we don't play friendly games. ~ Ben Hogan Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 Golf Quote: Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club don't you? ~ Ben Hogan Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 Golf Quote: Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. ~ Dave Hill Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 Golf Quote: I think I fail just a bit less than everyone else ~ Jack Nicklaus Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 Golf Quote: The only shots you can be dead sure of are those you've had already. ~ Byron Nelson Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 Golf Joke: The language of golf Phil Beale, a member at Gudge Heath Golf Club, has a 60 foot breaking putt and makes a bet stating that he has a dollar that says, 'I can make this putt.'Everyone takes him up on the bet. Phil duly misses the putt by 5 feet and says, 'You all owe me a dollar.' Of course, his golf mates all think he is crazy until Phil produces a dollar upon which he wrote, 'I can make this putt.' Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 Golf Joke: The cadge Every time, Peter, the man next door headed toward Paul's house, Paul knew he was coming to borrow something, he was always doing so and it was driving him mad. 'Peter won't get away with it this time, 'muttered Paul to Liz, his wife, 'Watch this.' 'Er, I wonder if you' d be using your hedge trimmer this morning?' asked Paul the neighbour. 'Crikey, I'm terribly sorry, 'said Paul with a smug look, 'but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day.' 'In that case, 'smiled Peter, 'you won't be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?' Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2013 Golf Quote: I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine. ~ Bruce Lansky Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2013 Golf Quote: If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2013 Golf Quote: A lot of guys who have never choked, have never been in the position to do so. ~ Tom Watson Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2013 Golf Quote: Golf is a good walk spoiled. ~ Mark Twain Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2013 Golf Quote: I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list. ~ Lee Trevino Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2013 Golf Quote: Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money. ~ Lee Trevino Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2013 Golf Quote: I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them. ~ Harry Tofcano Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2013 Golf Quote: Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course, the space between your ears. ~ Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2013 Golf Joke: Teeing off woman’s tee box It was a sunny morning, a little before 8:00 AM, on the first hole of a busy course, and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker:"Would the gentleman on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee, please"I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee, please!"I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more the man yelled, "Would the man on the women's tee please back up to the men's tee, please!"I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back.... "Would the asshole with the microphone kindly keep quiet and let me play my second shot"!" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2013 Golf Joke: Top ten Caddy comments 1. Golfer: Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake.Caddy: Think you can keep your head down that long? 2. Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth. 3. Golfer: Do you think my game is improving?Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now. 4. Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?Caddy: Eventually. 5. Golfer: You've got to be the worst caddy in the world.Caddy: I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence. 6. Golfer: Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction.Caddy: It's not a watch - it's a compass. 7. Golfer: How do you like my game?Caddy: Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf. 8. Golfer: Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?Caddy: The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day. 9. Golfer: This is the worst course I've ever played on.Caddy: This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago. 10. Golfer: That can't be my ball, it's too old.Caddy: It's been a long time since we teed off, sir. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Golf Quote: No one who ever had lessons would have a swing like mine. ~ Lee Trevino Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Golf Quote: I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes they would have come up sliced ~ Lee Trevino Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Golf Quote: They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that ~ Gardner Dickinson Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Golf Quote: The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. ~ Author Unknown Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Golf Quote: Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour. ~ Author uncertain, attributed to Alex Hay Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Golf Quote: The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. ~ Phyllis Diller Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Golf Quote: What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive. ~ Arnold Palmer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Golf Quote: If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. ~ Sam Snead Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Golf Joke: The what if golf story What if you were playing in the club championship tournament finals and the match was halved at the end of 17 holes. You had the honor and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple six iron to the pin. Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway. Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent look for his ball. Just before the permitted five minute search period ends, your opponent says: "Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don't find it in time, I'll concede the match." You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet from the pin. About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent exclaim from deep in the woods: "I found it!". The second sound you hear is a click, the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the woods and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from the hole. Now the real "what if" in this story......What if you had your opponent's ball in your pocket? Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Golf Joke: Couple alternate shot A husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples' alternate shot tournament at his club.He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway.Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife, "Just hit it toward the green, anywhere around there will be fine."The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods.Undaunted, the husband said, "That's OK, Sweetheart" and spent the full five minutes looking for the ball. He found it just in time, but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole. He told his wife to knock the ball in.His wife then proceeded to take her putter out and knock the ball off the green and into a bunker.Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker.He took the ball out of the hole and while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey five and that's OK, but I think we can do better on the next hole."To which she replied, "Listen asshole, don't bitch at me, only 2 of those 5 shots were mine." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 21, 2013 Golf Quote: You don't know what pressure is until you've played for five dollars a hole with only two in your pocket. ~ Lee Trevino Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 21, 2013 Golf Quote: I'm in the woods so much I can tell you which plants are edible. ~ Lee Trevino Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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