crazygolfer Posted June 18, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2014 Golf Joke: Golf outing A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, “Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow.” “Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I’ll be all right…I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, “How does that feel?” To which he replied, “It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.” Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 Golf Quote: Love and putting are mysteries for the philosopher to solve. Both subjects are beyond golfers. ~ Tommy Armour Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 Golf Quote: The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top. ~Pete Dye Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 Golf Quote: Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end. ~Chuck Hogan Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 Golf Quote: Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. ~William Wordsworth Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 Golf Quote: They say "practice makes perfect." Of course, it doesn't. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection. ~Henry Longhurst Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 Golf Quote: Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. ~Jim Bishop Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 Golf Quote: Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass. ~Bob Hope Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 Golf Quote: A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water. ~Bob Ryan Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 Golf Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Bob Hope Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 Golf Joke: Discussion on their children Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call.The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee. “My son,” said one proudly, “has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He’s so successful, in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift.” The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. “He’s so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift.” The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift. As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny are, and ask what line of work his son is in. “To tell the truth, I’m not very pleased how my son has turned out,” he replies. “For fifteen years, he’s been a hairdresser, and I’ve just recently discovered he’s gay.” As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, “but on the bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars, and a big stock portfolio. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2014 Golf Quote: If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. ~Paul Gallico Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2014 Golf Quote:Forget your opponents; always play against par. ~Sam Snead Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2014 Golf Quote: They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. ~ Gardner Dickinson Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2014 Golf Quote: I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. ~Will Rogers Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2014 Golf Quote: What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive. ~Arnold Palmer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2014 Golf Joke: How does he putt? The pro at the country club was rude. When he beat you on the golf course he not only took your money he then told you everything you did wrong and suggested that you would never be able to hit the ball out of your own shadow. On of the members had enough. So we bought a gorilla and trained it to play golf. He then set up a game with the pro, $1000 a side with automatics. The day of the match arrived and all parties were ready. The first hole was a par five of 575 yards. The pro teed off splitting the fairway some 270 yards out. The gorilla lumbered up to the tee. Placed the ball on the ground and made a mighty swing. The ball rocketed off the clubface 100, 200, 300 400 ,500, 575 yards and stopped 5 inches from the cup. The pro just about ``dumped'' in his pants. If this was an indication of the way things were going to go then he would never live in down. He immediately settled the bet, remembering that he had urgent business across town. As they walked from the tee the pro asked, ``How does he putt'' The same as he drives, 575 yards, was the answer. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2014 Golf Quote: Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. ~P. J. O'Rourke Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2014 Golf Quote: If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. ~Dean Martin Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2014 Golf Quote: I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. ~G. K. Chesterton Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2014 Golf Quote: Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent's. ~Grantland Rice Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2014 Golf Quote: The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. ~Billy Graham Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2014 Golf Quote: Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course -- the distance between your ears. ~Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2014 Golf Quote: I know I am getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators. ~Gerald Ford Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2014 Golf Joke: An Illusion Seems this man was stranded on an island for 11 years...well one day he was sitting on the beach when this very lovely lady came swimming up, she had on a wet suit that was gripping her body.... she looked at the man, and asked how long he had been here....when he said 11 years, she asked if he had smoked any....he said no....she then opened a pocket and pulled out a cigarette and lit it and gave it to him.....she then asked when was the last time he had a drink.....he said 11 years....so she pulled a flask out of another pocket and gave him a drink.....the young lady then got a really sexy look on her face and asked when was the last time the had played around.... the fellow grinned and said 11 years....at the point the young lady started to unzip her wet suit .......the man got so excited he responded with ``OH MY GOD YOU MEAN YOU HAVE A SET OF GOLF CLUBS IN THERE!!!!!!!!'' Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2014 Golf Quote: I'd play every day if I could. It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart. ~Brent Musburger Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2014 Golf Quote:Golf has probably kept more people sane than psychiatrists have. ~Harvey Penick Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2014 Golf Quote: The more I practice, the luckier I get. ~Gary Player Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2014 Golf Quote: I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It is called an eraser. ~Arnold Palmer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2014 Golf Quote: Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.~Tiger Woods Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2014 Golf Quote:If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.~Sam Snead Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2014 Golf Quote:It's not whether you win or lose - but whether I win or lose!~Sandy Lyle Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2014 Golf Joke: Honeymoon Golf A man and his new bride were playing golf together on their honeymoon. The lady was playing extremely well, and had won nearly every hole. On the 18th hole, she had a 30 foot putt for birdie. She turned to her husband and said, ``Honey, if I make this putt, I will break par for the first time in my life, and I'm going to give you the best blow job you've ever had!'' ``It's good! It's good!'', said he. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2014 Golf Joke: How to make a decent shot? Two guys of equal ability decide to have a round together and ``play it as it lays'' on all shots. Both hit their tee shots on the the par-5 No.1 hole down the middle and about 260. The drive up for the second shot, and the first gentleman hits his shot down the middle for an easy approach, but the second guy slices his over the trees and it ends up in the cart path of the adjoining hole. ``Guess I get a free drop from the cart path.'', he says. ``Oh no,'' says guy 1, ``We agreed. Play it as it lays.'' So guy 2 drives guy 1 up to his ball in front of the green, drops him off and drives over to his ball on the cart path. Guy 1 watches in amusement as sparks shower down from the practice swings of his opponent, then, in amazement as a perfectly struck shot lands on the green and roles to within 3 ft. of the pin. Guy 2 drives back to the green. Guy 1: ``Great shot back there! What club did you use?''Guy 2: ``Your six iron.'' Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2014 Golf Quote:My golf addiction is literally out of control. I really want to play from the moment I wake up to the time I go to bed.~Hugh Grant Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2014 Golf Quote: The average golfer's handicap is his IQ. Girls, believe me, if your hubby keeps golfing, he will soon have the brain frequency of a lower primate.~Kathy Lette Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2014 Golf Quote:Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?~Al Boliska Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2014 Golf Quote: It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.~Robert Lynd Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2014 Golf Quote:Golf is not a sport. Golf is men in ugly pants, walking.~Rosie O'Donnell Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2014 Golf Quote:I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.~Lee Trevino Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2014 Golf Quote: I am a winner. I just didn't win today.~Greg Norman Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2014 Golf Quote:What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive.~Arnold Palmer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2014 Golf Quote: Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her.~Val Doonican Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2014 Golf joke: Golfing with the Mob Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together.One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?""I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man.He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives.Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding.""You got a silver compact and a red pickup?""The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck."The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom.""I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls."The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot.""I don't care! Just do it!"The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted June 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2014 Golf Joke: Woman and Golf 2 women were playing golf. On the third hole there was a 4 men in front of them but about 175 yards down the fairway.The first woman said i'll tee off he is far enough away. She hit the drive of her life, like a shot straight down the faraway. She screamed fore at the top of her lungs and as the men turned one was hit solidly. He was rolling on the ground in pain with his hands between his legs.She ran to him, apologizing and saying "let me help I am a physical therapist." He protested but she got him to put his hands at his side. She unzipped his pants and began massaging him."How does that feel?" she asked. He said, "Great, but my thumb still hurts like hell." Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2014 Golf Quote: My mind is my biggest asset. I expect to win every tournament I play.~Tiger Woods Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2014 Golf Quote:Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.~William Wordsworth Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2014 Golf Quote: Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.~Winston Churchill Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2014 Golf Quote: Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.~JimmyDeMaret Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted July 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2014 Golf Quote: I'm very lucky. If it wasn't for golf I don't know what I'd be doing. If my IQ had been two points lower, I'd have been a plant somewhere.~Lee Trevino Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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