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Golf Discussion 2, Golf Joke, Quote, Etc


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Golf Quote:

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.

~Gardner Dickinson

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

~Phyllis Diller
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.

~Pete Dye

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Joke: No excuse!

 

 

It seems that four very low-handicapped players were playing their normal course. Unusually, the play was very slow and the players began to get frustrated. By the tenth hole, they began firing their tee shots at the foursome ahead of them, who were constantly in the woods and were the root cause of the slow play.

 

 

Finally, the good foursome finished their round, coming in just under eight hours. After spotting the slow group in the clubhouse, they went right after them, swearing their asses off. The club pro saw this spectacle and pulled aside the guys.

 

He said: ``Didn't you know that the foursome ahead of you are all *blind*; they're taking part in a special event.'' After hearing this, the foursome immediately had a change of heart. The first one said, ``Just to show how sorry I am, I'll pay for their green fees.'' The second replied, ``And I'll pay for their carts.'' Predictably, the third member said, ``Whatever food and drinks they want, I'll pay for them.''

 

The club pro considered their acts very gracious and, turning to the fourth member, said: ``And what are you going to do for them?'' The golfer, still noticeably upset, retorted,

``Fuck them, they could have played last night!''

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.

~Raymond Floyd

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.

~Gerald Ford

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

Golf always makes me so damned angry.

~King George V of England
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

~Billy Graham

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

~Bob Hope

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

Golf has more rules than any other game because golf has more cheaters than any other game.

~ Bruce Lansky
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

~Bruce Lansky
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

~Jack Lemon

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

~Will Rogers

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

A hungry dog hunts best.

~Lee Trevino
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote;

 

It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling.

~Mark Twain
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

~Hank Aaron
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

~Mark Twain

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

~Jim Bishop
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them.

~Harry Toscano

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Joke: What will you do for golf?

 

 

Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:


First Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."


Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."


Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."


They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"


Fourth Guy: "I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say that the foundation for the new house is being poured next Tuesday."

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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  • 4 weeks later...

Golf Quote:

Anytime you get the urge to golf, instead take eighteen minutes and beat your head against a good solid wall. This is guaranteed to duplicate to a tee the physical and emotional beating you would have suffered playing a round of golf. If eighteen minutes aren't enough, go for twenty-seven or thirty-six - whatever feels right.

~Mark Oman
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

Many play golf, and one odd effect of that pursuit is that they return to work manifestly stupider than they were. It is, I think, the company of other golfers.

~G. W. Lyttleton


 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote

 

I figure practice puts your brains in your muscles.

~ Sam Snead
 

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

Eighteen holes of match or medal play will teach you more about your foe than will 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.

~Grantland Rice
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

I woke my wife up and said "I'm the Open champion. I can’t believe I’ve done it". She said: "I can believe it, there's the trophy, now can you go back to sleep?"

~Padraig Harrington
Irish golfer on becoming British Open champion.
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

Golf tips are like aspirin. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle, you will be lucky to survive.

~Harvey Penick

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.

~A.A. Milne

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Joke: This is my first golf lesson

 

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.

"Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor.

"P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied.

"Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Hi, I have a problem with "chicken wing". Let me know if you have a good tip to get rid of it.

 

Hi, I have similar problem and I thought this problem occurred to senior golfer only, anyway for me this 'chicken wing' is only due to bad habit. 

I don't do anything to correct it, so long the ball flies and landed to the place I wanted it, it doesn't matter to 'chicken wing' habit.

Anyway you might consult the golf pro either it cures or it "makes" the swing worst?

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Golf Quote:

 

I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there.

~Bob Hope
About his golfing.
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.

~P.G. Wodehouse
A Mixed Threesome, 1922.

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course - the distance between your ears.

~Bobby Jones
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Quote:

 

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.

~Horace G. Hutchinson

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right.

~Ben Crenshaw

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart.

~Arthur Daley

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it.

~Ted Ray
Golf - My Slice of Life, 1972.

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.

~Harry Vardon
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Joke:The amazing golf ball

 

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"

The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"

"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!"

"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?"

"No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."

"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"

"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."

"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"

"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"

The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?"

"I found it."


 

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.

~Author Unknown


 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

Golf is an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose.

~Woodrow Wilson

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

~George Deukmejian


 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

 

I'm a golfaholic, no question about that. Counselling wouldn't help me. They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play.

~ Lee Trevino

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Joke: Is it alright?

 

There is a room full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner." The room got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

 

"Yes?" replied the teacher.

"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk???"

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law

~ H. G. Wells

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns.

~National Lampoon, 1979
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses.

~ Adlai Stevenson
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

I've spent most of my life golfing - the rest I've just wasted.

~ Author Unknown
 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Joke: Your stance too wide

 

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

 

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.

 

The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked.

 

“Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

 

 

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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Golf Quote:

A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water.

~ Bob Ryan

 

Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy Demaret

Quote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)

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