crazygolfer Posted November 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2014 Golf Quote: The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. ~Author Unknown Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted November 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2014 Golf Quote: If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. ~ Paul Gallico Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted November 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2014 Golf Quote: Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing. ~Ben Hogan Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted November 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2014 Golf Quote: Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt. ~Jack Nicklaus On why he tees his ball high. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted November 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2014 Golf Joke: The problems with golf The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted November 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2014 Golf Joke: The law of golf 3 LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse. LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination. LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three). LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted November 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2014 Golf Joke: The law of golf 4 LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker." LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you. LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be. LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month. LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted November 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2014 Golf Joke: Ten years on deserted island A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years!", he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!" Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some real fun?" And the man replies, "Wow! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there!" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steman Posted December 1, 2014 Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 you are really persistent to keep this thread going crazygolfer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Thank you Steman. Only golfers are interested in this thread. Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Golf Quote: It is nevertheless a game of considerable passion, either of the explosive type, or that which burns inwardly and sears the soul. - Bobby Jones Golf Quote: No-one will ever have golf under his thumb. No round ever will be so good it could not have been better. Perhaps this is why golf is the greatest of games. You are not playing a human adversary; you are playing a game. You are playing old man par. - Bobby Jones Golf Quote: No-one will ever have golf under his thumb. No round ever will be so good it could not have been better. Perhaps this is why golf is the greatest of games. You are not playing a human adversary; you are playing a game. You are playing old man par. - Bobby Jones Golf Quote: No-one will ever have golf under his thumb. No round ever will be so good it could not have been better. Perhaps this is why golf is the greatest of games. You are not playing a human adversary; you are playing a game. You are playing old man par. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Golf Quote: Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Golf Quote: A leading difficulty with the average player is that he totally misunderstands what is meant by concentration. He may think he is concentrating hard when he is merely worrying. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Golf Quote: You swing your best when you have the fewest things to think about. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Golf Quote: I never learned anything from a match that I won. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Golf Quote: Many shots are spoiled at the last instant by efforts to add a few more yards. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 (edited) Golf Quote: In order to win, you must play your best golf when you need it most, and play your sloppy stuff when you can afford it. I shall not attempt to explain how you achieve this happy timing. - Bobby Jones Edited December 3, 2014 by crazygolfer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Golf Quote: Don't be too proud to take a lesson. I'm not. - Jack Nicklaus Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Golf Joke: Three Wishes A guy's boat capsizes and he swims ashore to a desert island. On the beach lies a beautiful woman, her ample bust falling out of a tight wetsuit. She tells him she'll grant him any wish he'd like. "I'd kill for a cigarette,'' he says. She zips down the top of the wetsuit a little, reaches into her bosom and fishes out a smoke. He enjoys. "Anything else" she says. "A cold beer," he says. She zips the top down a little further, reaches in and comes up with a beer. He's relaxing with his beer and his smoke when she says to him, "Would you like to play around" He looks at her excitedly and blurts out, "You got a set of clubs in there, too" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Golf Joke: Happy Couple A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; while his hobby was golf. The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, ‘Fore!’ His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, ‘Four Fifty!’ Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Golf Joke: Green Golf balls A golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro asked him what he wants. ``I can't find any green golf balls,'' the golfer replies. The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls. As the golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks him, ``Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?'' ``Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!!'' Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Golf Joke: Majorly Busted Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time. He gets up early and eager, golfs all day long, sometimes 36 holes. Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course. Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. He returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that crap?" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2014 Golf Quote: The secret of golf is to turn three shots into two. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2014 Golf Quote: The best exercise for golfers is golfing. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2014 Golf Quote: The moment the average golfer attempts to play from long grass or a bunker or from a difficult lie of any kind, he becomes a digger instead of a swinger. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2014 Golf Quote: Golf is said to be a humbling game, but it is surprising how many people are either not aware of their weaknesses or else reckless of consequences. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2014 Golf Quote: Rhythm and timing are the two things which we all must have, yet no one knows how to teach either. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2014 Golf Quote: You might as well praise a man for not robbing a bank as to praise him for playing by the rules. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2014 Golf Joke: Difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer says wack...DAMN A bad skydiver says damn...WACK Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2014 Golf Joke: Golf Lesson 101 The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. ``Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor. ``P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied. ``Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.'' Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2014 Golf Joke: The game of golf and marriage An avid golfer got married, and the marriage was getting into problems as he was playing golf 5 days a week. They finally talked about it and she asks him if he could teach her golf, that way they can both enjoy golf and improve their marriage. He argues that golf is a serious game and that she is just trying to prove her point by mocking the game. After some arguing he agrees to have her go to the course with him. They go to the course and she signs up to take some lessons with the local pro. The lessons keep going on everyday, and he is happy she doesn't bother him. One day, one of his buddies asks him how the marriage is going. He replies ``It is great, ever since she takes the golf lessons, she doesn't bother me and lets me play all the golf I want.'' His buddy says ``Really, then I guess you don't know that she is screwing around with the golf pro'' The man's eyes turned red and smoke came out of his ears, getting very furious and saying `I knew it could not last, I knew she'd make a mockery of the game'' Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2014 Golf Quote: I get as much fun as the next man from whaling the ball as hard as I can and catching it squarely on the button. But from sad experience I learned not to try this in a round that meant anything. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2014 Golf Quote: I always like to see a person stand up to a golf ball as though he were perfectly at home in its presence. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2014 Golf Quote: How did I make a twelve on a par five hole? It's simple. I missed a four-foot putt for an eleven. - Arnold Palmer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2014 Golf Quote: The best exercise for golfers is golfing. - Bobby Jones Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2014 Golf Quote: It takes hundreds of good golf shots to gain confidence, but only one bad one to lose it. - Jack Nicklaus Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2014 Golf Quote: A perfectly straight shot with a big club is a fluke. - Jack Nicklaus Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2014 Golf Quote: Concentration comes out of a combination of confidence and hunger. - Arnold Palmer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2014 Golf Quote: When you lip out several putts in a row, you should never think that means that you're putting well. When you're putting well, the only question is what part of the hole it's going to fall in, not if it's going in. - Jack Nicklaus Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2014 Golf Joke: It’s a small world! Jim and Bob were avid golfers, faithfully playing a round of golf every Sunday. One particular Sunday, after the first few holes they found themselves waiting for two very slow playing women to move on, so that they could play the next hole. Jim took the initiative: JIM: Bob, go and ask those two women in front to move over and let us pass will you? We'll be here forever otherwise. BOB: No worries mate. It won't be a minute. So off trots Bob down the fairway toward the two offending women. But when he gets half way there he suddenly stops and starts to walk back toward Jim. JIM: What's the matter? BOB: I can't go down there! JIM: Why not? It's not that difficult. BOB: Well it's those women..... one's my wife and the other's my mistress! JIM: No worries mate. I'll go. So off he goes, but when he gets half way Jim turns around and heads back to Bob. BOB: (perplexed) Well? JIM: It's a small world!!! Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2014 Golf Joke: In a Lamaze class During our weekly Lamaze class, the instructor emphasized the importance of exercise, hinting strongly that husbands need to get out and start walking with their wives. From the back of the room one expectant father inquired, "Would it be okay if she carries a bag of golf clubs while she walks?" Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2014 Golf Joke: Golfing on Mother’s Day Three men gathered together for a round of golf on Mother's Day. The men were quite surprised at being ``let go'' for the day, and each wanted to know how the other got away from their wife. The first man said, ``I purchased a dozen red roses for my wife, and she was so happy that she let me go.'' The second man said, ``I purchased a diamond ring for my wife, and she was so thrilled with me that she let me go.'' The third man said, ``I woke up this morning, rolled over, looked at my wife, and said to her: `Golf course or inter-course,' and she said: I'll put your clubs in the car.' '' Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2014 Golf Quote: It's a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get. - Arnold Palmer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2014 Golf Quote: I never rooted against an opponent, but I never rooted for him either. - Arnold Palmer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2014 Golf Quote: I've always made a total effort, even when the odds seemed entirely against me. I never quit trying; I never felt that i didn't have a chance to win. - Arnold Palmer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2014 Golf Quote: What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive. - Arnold Palmer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2014 Golf Quote: Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening - and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. - Arnold Palmer Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2014 Golf Quote: Nobody ever remembers who finished second at anything. - Jack Nicklaus Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2014 Golf Quote: A kid grows up a lot faster on the golf course. Golf teaches you how to behave. - Jack Nicklaus Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygolfer Posted December 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2014 Golf Joke: OH! Just a wrong place for a golf ball A couple of buddies ran into each other at the 19th hole one afternoon. One of the men had a large bandage wrapped around his throat and could speak no louder than a hoarse whisper. Needless to say, the other was quite curious and demanded the details of what had happened. Over a couple of cold ones, the man with the bandage told his tale. ``Two days ago I came out to the club real early to play a round. At that hour there's not too many people on the course; in fact, the only one I saw was this lady who was playing ahead of me. Anyway, I was hitting them really well - right up until I got to the 7th hole . Just as I was teeing off a bird squawked and I hooked it right into the cow pasture next to the fairway. I grabbed a club and climbed the fence to look for my ball. The lady I told you about was also over there looking for her ball. Well, I looked, but I couldn't find that damned ball anywhere and the lady didn't seem to be having any better luck. Then I noticed this one cow. She seemed to be in pain or something. I went over to take a look at her. At first I couldn't see anything wrong, but then I lifted her tail. Sure enough, there was a ball stuck you-know-where. Well, I checked the markings, but it wasn't mine. So, I yelled out, `Hey, lady, does this look like yours?' That's when she hit me in the neck with a five iron.'' Quote Quote: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ US Professional Golfer Jimmy DemaretQuote: If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Actor Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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