Single & Living Alone Discussion (compiled)

[jason]

I forsee that I will be alone in my old age since I am the only child with no siblings.

Nephews and cousins will not visit me once my folks are gone. Could just forget them as these fellows only appear when they invite you to their weddings and disappeared after collecting the angpows!!!!! Since young, my parents have dotted on them and after they started working, they have forgotten my parents and didnt even treat my folks a cup of coffee!!

[Guest]

21 minutes ago, jason said:

I forsee that I will be alone in my old age since I am the only child with no siblings.

Nephews and cousins will not visit me once my folks are gone.

Got siblings also no use.  My brother once told me in my face that he "see me no up" and asked me not to contact him if I needed help. 

[Yaoi]

I shall embrace the fact that i am fated to be alone for the rest of my life and age gracefully ^^ 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, jason said:

Nephews and cousins will not visit me once my folks are gone. Could just forget them as these fellows only appear when they invite you to their weddings and disappeared after collecting the angpows!!!!! Since young, my parents have dotted on them and after they started working, they have forgotten my parents and didnt even treat my folks a cup of coffee!!

 

It's like that lah, my nephews only come to me when they want designer coffees and free expensive meals like Sushi Tei and Crystal Jade (and they are not shy when ordering), even now in their late 20s and started working long ago. They have their own lives and also their own parents, can't expect them to take care or bother about you. Next they are already thinking what they can inherit from you, or are already calling first dibs on your possessions once you die.

[Guest]

Being alone and well off is better than being partnered with a thief unknowingly and by then you will regret for the rest of your twilight years and are forced to rejoin the work force as a McDonald staff.

[Steve5380]

7 hours ago, jason said:

I forsee that I will be alone in my old age since I am the only child with no siblings.

Nephews and cousins will not visit me once my folks are gone. Could just forget them as these fellows only appear when they invite you to their weddings and disappeared after collecting the angpows!!!!! Since young, my parents have dotted on them and after they started working, they have forgotten my parents and didnt even treat my folks a cup of coffee!!

 

Good!  Family may not be much better than friends, and can be much worse.

We need to learn to be self-sufficient.  Solitude does not equal loneliness, isolation, seclusion, withdrawal.

We can have a full life living alone and free.

It gives an opportunity to cultivate our physical and spiritual health.

If we were able to overcome the stupidity of jealousy, "faithfulness", exclusivity,

we may be able to find a partner, friend for an open relationship,

and help each other find satisfaction and happiness.

[shockwave]

I feel it is important to have AJ friends who can mutually support when old.

[Guest]

How are you Abang?

i hope you are feeling better. Don't stay at home on your own for too long. Have a routine to go downstairs to mingle w people and Chat. If you are still mobile, you should walk in the park as much as You can. There are many things one can do on his own. I find that generally people are friendly and chatty so if you go to Parks or libraries or even at Food courts, as Ling as You r friendly Yrself, you can always Chat to people and I am sure they will reciprocate.

if sex is no longer what you are looking for... Isn't it easier now than before to make friends?

 

[Guest Clementi Uncle]

1 hour ago, Guest said:

How are you Abang?

i hope you are feeling better. Don't stay at home on your own for too long. Have a routine to go downstairs to mingle w people and Chat. If you are still mobile, you should walk in the park as much as You can. There are many things one can do on his own. I find that generally people are friendly and chatty so if you go to Parks or libraries or even at Food courts, as Ling as You r friendly Yrself, you can always Chat to people and I am sure they will reciprocate.

if sex is no longer what you are looking for... Isn't it easier now than before to make friends?

 

He probably didn't want to associate with uncles who are not very fashionable especially when it comes to basic dressing code. 

[Guest]

Yes, very alone for me...

[Guest Ed Mak]

On 1/6/2016 at 11:59 PM, Guest said:

Any idea how to find male home nurse? Cost?

anyone knows how to get a live in male helper / nurse and cost?

[Steve5380]

8 hours ago, Guest Clementi Uncle said:

He probably didn't want to associate with uncles who are not very fashionable especially when it comes to basic dressing code. 

 

Hmmm...  there should be other qualities besides dressing code to associate with people, uncles or not.

[abang]

Ha ha... who gives you the idea that I am super-lonely.

I do have my weekly rituals - things and places I go weekly.

 

Event 1 - at least 3x to the gym 

Event 2 - at least 1x to NLB Toa Payoh after gym

Event 3 - at least 1x to Sentosa (join their Islander programme for unlimited access for an annual fee of $20)

Event 4 - at least 3x of housekeeping (now I know how stressful it was for my mother before we got the domestic helper)

Event 5- at least 2x of laundry, dryer and ironing

Event 6 - at least 1x visit to JB 

 

I've plenty of time (to kill) on my hand that I would take the bus from Potong Pasir to Toa Payoh, MRT ride from Toa Payoh to Kranji, follow the masses to the two immigrations in 2 hours.  (Trick: do it on a weekday and start the journey at 0855 am and it is possible to reach JB by 11 am).  The transportation cost was SGD 2.20 which can be offset by the cheaper purchases and food in JB.  

 

I brought my nephew on one of the trip.  Before the trip, he had never stepped into JB, thinking that the place is super ulu/rural/slow in development.  However he was surprised and was overwhelmed by the choices of clothes and food available.  We had set lunches (RM 9.50@), drinks and desserts (RM 5@).  He bought sufficient new shirts, pants, berms and belts to last him for a year.  He claimed he would never need another shopping spree like this!  His damage was within SGD 200.  It was a sort of congratulatory present from uncle...

 

Back to the issue of several of the comments, you are spot on.  Being an older person, I won't be comfortable taking the first move to talk to a stranger.  Furthermore, who wants to listen to all the physical pain and aches of that stranger?  No, I am NOT making a condescending judgement at all.  I would rather retreat to my flat to listen to this following rendition by Kit Chan.

 

This is a beautiful ballad and the lyrics speaks volume of my current condition.

Kit Chan emotes the right amount of feelings into the song.

** This song is about "Waiting".

 

The original singer, Danny Chan who passed away some 20 years ago.  

 

 

[Magicerife]

didn't, until i got dump. now yea, i see myself alone for quite some time to come

[transmissionsm]

What about getting single BTO for those that are alone?

[Guest Sam]

On 11/1/2015 at 9:57 AM, Guest Aging said:

All these are temporal, it will come a time you may no longer do all these things when reality set in. I was doing what you did in the past but now......

 If u dont mind me asking.. how old are now? Age is just number , its important to feel young at heart so the glow will show and feel good about aging .. 

[Guest Sam]

On 11/1/2015 at 11:12 PM, Guest Guest said:

IF there are so many lonely candidates here, maybe you all can pair up?

 

 

That's a great idea, make a pot luck gathering once a week at different house each time,go on a short trip to a nearby country in a small group,im sure it will be fun.its the best thing to do as singles meet up and share their problems and so on..  im lucky that even im single but hv 2 good friends that can grow old together and maybe when the time is right we plan to move in together and rent out our flat for a regular income ,to save on the cost of living as sg is a expensive place to be when we are old  .. 

[Guest]

my advice do not stay together with friends , U never know when things will grow sour one day . There is no forever things.

[raind]

no need future... for me, my mum recently passed away, and i send off my maid, and then 4 months later, my dog (which i consider family for 15 over years) also passed away... and now, i am living alone. my partner no longer stays with me as he has to look after his elderly mum... so... yeah, it is not whether we will be alone, it is a matter of when we will be alone. thing is, can we continue to live life meaningfully when we are alone. we have always heard about preparing ourselves for our retirements financially, what we also need to focus on is to prepare ourselves emotionally, socially, psychologically, etc such that when the day comes when we are alone, we can still have the different layers of social, psychological, emotional support we need.

 

my thoughts...

 

[Guest Teatree]

Every single gay man must be prepared for one eventual outcome.  Be prepared to look after your aged and sick parents.  Your married siblings expect you to do so.  Be prepared to live alone when they passed away.  Lastly, if you are still not attached,  be prepared to die alone.  Don't depend on your nephews or nieces, they have their own parents to take care of.  Paid the undertaker in advance to arrange a humble funeral to send you off. 

[darkflame]

Living alone overseas was sort of a test to see how well I could live alone.

Especially in a society that is perceived to be pretty much lonely.

 

For almost 2 years, I spent my free time cooking, exercising, hiking etc.

My time got well used but after doing it for a year, it still felt rather emotionally empty.

Taking my meals at a counter table at restaurants, walking around nature reserves taking photos etc etc.

Going on simple dinner with the fellow countrymen or even other people was fulfilling enough and somehow made me more satisfied than filling up my time with solitary tasks.

 

Makes me wonder if I should ever regret staying alone.

Perhaps I should have stayed in a big dormitory. :/

Edited March 31, 2016 by darkflame

[Steve5380]

3 hours ago, Guest Teatree said:

Every single gay man must be prepared for one eventual outcome.  Be prepared to look after your aged and sick parents.  Your married siblings expect you to do so.  Be prepared to live alone when they passed away.  Lastly, if you are still not attached,  be prepared to die alone.  Don't depend on your nephews or nieces, they have their own parents to take care of.  Paid the undertaker in advance to arrange a humble funeral to send you off. 

 

Times are changing for the better. We gays are not morally obliged to look after parents while our straight siblings get married and disinterested. Same-sex marriage is becoming a reality, and if it does not exist in SG, the idea of it is there.  Siblings have no right to "expect" our sacrifice beyond theirs.  If we are willing to support the parents, then we should demand from our siblings that they contribute in proportion.  

 

With the high rate of divorce, even straights are not immune to be alone in later years.  This should not be a big hardship.  It is estimated that to die is something personal and we all die alone even if we are surrounded by a crowd of family.  So this is not something to worry about.   

[Cube3]

3 hours ago, darkflame said:

Living alone overseas was sort of a test to see how well I could live alone.

Especially in a society that is perceived to be pretty much lonely.

 

For almost 2 years, I spent my free time cooking, exercising, hiking etc.

My time got well used but after doing it for a year, it still felt rather emotionally empty.

Taking my meals at a counter table at restaurants, walking around nature reserves taking photos etc etc.

Going on simple dinner with the fellow countrymen or even other people was fulfilling enough and somehow made me more satisfied than filling up my time with solitary tasks.

 

Makes me wonder if I should ever regret staying alone.

Perhaps I should have stayed in a big dormitory. :/

 

* Sigh * Perhaps two years is really short to make good friends in Japan...? Didn't realise you were so lonely; should have visited you...

[Guest]

9 hours ago, Guest Teatree said:

Every single gay man must be prepared for one eventual outcome.  Be prepared to look after your aged and sick parents.  Your married siblings expect you to do so.  Be prepared to live alone when they passed away.  Lastly, if you are still not attached,  be prepared to die alone.  Don't depend on your nephews or nieces, they have their own parents to take care of.  Paid the undertaker in advance to arrange a humble funeral to send you off. 

 

Loneliness is a gay man's best friend. Especially an old gay. All the nameless sex only brings a sense of emptiness and despair in the end. Sad indeed.

[Guest]

6 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

Times are changing for the better. We gays are not morally obliged to look after parents while our straight siblings get married and disinterested. Same-sex marriage is becoming a reality, and if it does not exist in SG, the idea of it is there.  Siblings have no right to "expect" our sacrifice beyond theirs.  If we are willing to support the parents, then we should demand from our siblings that they contribute in proportion.  

 

With the high rate of divorce, even straights are not immune to be alone in later years.  This should not be a big hardship.  It is estimated that to die is something personal and we all die alone even if we are surrounded by a crowd of family.  So this is not something to worry about.   

 

Not sure if you are Asian, taking care of parents when they are old and sick is an Asian value regardless changing times. Asians are morally obligated unless they are adopted when young. I somewhat agreed with you that siblings must play their part although they are married with children and not living with parents. But single gay men staying with parents are at the forefront and the main pillar of support.

 

[Steve5380]

3 hours ago, Guest said:

 

Loneliness is a gay man's best friend. Especially an old gay. All the nameless sex only brings a sense of emptiness and despair in the end. Sad indeed.

 

The emptiness and despair can also happen to old straights who never enjoyed nameless sex.  There are plenty of divorced men, widowed men, whose children don't think they owe them any consideration and may even resent them for not making them successful.  You are right that loneliness can be an old man's (gay or straight) best friend.

[Steve5380]

20 minutes ago, Guest said:

 

Not sure if you are Asian, taking care of parents when they are old and sick is an Asian value regardless changing times. Asians are morally obligated unless they are adopted when young. I somewhat agreed with you that siblings must play their part although they are married with children and not living with parents. But single gay men staying with parents are at the forefront and the main pillar of support.

 

 

I am Caucasian but I know how the Asian culture gives special consideration to seniors. I also see how gay children are some of the most dedicated sons parents can have (contrary to St. Paul's judgement that gays are "disobedient to their parents"). My friend has five siblings and he is THE ONE who financially supports his octogenarian father. What I am against is the idea that gay children, since they don't marry, have more an obligation to care for their parent than other siblings.

[raind]

As a Chinese, I suspect a key point for us looking after our parents is not becos we are gay but becos we are sons. At least that is the case for me.

[KAXavion]

Yes, I do. Cause I'm barely noticeable:)

[yoyo74]

On 3/30/2016 at 7:55 AM, Guest said:

my advice do not stay together with friends , U never know when things will grow sour one day . There is no forever things.

Even straight people also wont know when things will grow sour in their marriage and divorce after that. In any relationship be it straight wife or best friends, u will need to be able to judge whether some relationship works or not by staying together to test out. It will take wisdom to know if the wife or friend can be trusted and suitable to stay together. What i believe is living with a friend is also a viable option if you know who to trust.

[lonelyglobe]

suddenly remember this old Chinese song, 来自姜育恒的“孤独之旅”： 没有关系, 萧洒的来去，因为人生是一场孤独之旅

[darkflame]

On 3/31/2016 at 3:57 AM, Cube3 said:

 

* Sigh * Perhaps two years is really short to make good friends in Japan...? Didn't realise you were so lonely; should have visited you...

 

Some friendships started to make progress recently but I decided I prefer to go back.

Also, many people tend to shuttle in and out so friendships are generally transient.

This also happens in Singapore to a lesser degree.

Edited April 2, 2016 by darkflame

[Madhan86]

Sadly, yes i do...

[upshot]

Like the saying goes....  If you still feel alone when you are in a room filled with people you know, it's very telling of other issue then worrying about growing old alone, dying alone or living alone.

I rather be a lone and independent then to live with someone or people I don't like or be doing it to have others look after me.

 

In the end, we all die alone. Unless you plan to call everyone to your bed and trigger a bomb to take everyone out as well heh..

[Cube3]

4 hours ago, darkflame said:

 

Some friendships started to make progress recently but I decided I prefer to go back.

Also, many people tend to shuttle in and out so friendships are generally transient.

This also happens in Singapore to a lesser degree.

 

Yes, that's true. The age-old metaphor, that of growing roots. We decide, at various points in life's journey, where we want the roots to grow. That way, we direct our growth in directions we want, to go where we want to go...    If root in worthwhile relationships, we end up with lifelong friends!

[Guest]

On Wednesday, January 13, 2016 at 3:47 PM, abang said:

This is  scary confession.

Despite all the brave facade, I am very fragile, physically, mentally and financially,

 

My ex-domestic helper bought me some food but they are either too sweet or too salty.  Sweet in MILO.. salty in all canned food.  I told her that please Aunty Roifah , you cannot spend your hard-earned money on me.  

 

Currently I am in a cyclic motion - a little interest and lots of TV.  I would normally dose of in the middle of the show and the sleeper timer is always set at 15 mins.  I do not want to lead this life, waiting ...... I need a social worker to assist me....真的无能再继续。。。人生再是这样的话， 正是“生不如死”

 

“我需要与人沟通。。。不能再是独居老人”  Come and talk to me..

Hi! Abang, why you said financially fragile, thot govern put that medisave help a big chunk of hospital bill , how much you have to fork out ? Any advise for thos not yet (or to be)in you shoes.

[Guest]

abang, i m here for you....

 

i can read you a book....my favourite author andrew matthew...

 

dun ask me to mop or clean your house is okay for me.

 

a cup of tea or coffee .

 

 

 

 

[abang]

It has been 3 months since I posted my resentment on 13 Jan 2016.  Life has been moderately better now.. I overcame my reluctance to accept the truth that I'm not medically fit.  The outpatient consultations are still aplenty - from Senior Consultants to Eye Clinics.  I may have amassed a large number of "rewards" for using my credit cards to pay for each visit.

 

In the past 3 months, I have decided to take things slowly... not working and depending on the measly sum in my disposable expenses.  However instead of lamenting the good old past, I move forward. I just visited Ipoh and Cameron Highlands last week.

** Ipoh is a destination I always wanted to go but "missed" due to unforeseen circumstances.  It is worth an overnight visit.  The train fare from JB Sentral to Ipoh was RM58 (lower berth).  Yes, don't miss the ultra-smooth 沙河粉 and 豆腐花。  

 

Travelling solo was a big bonus... I just go with the flow. Being alone, I don't have to take my travelling partner(s)' interest into consideration. Really, being alone is NOT all that bad.  Just remember, save when you were young.  There are always rainy days ahead.  Skip that LV, Prada bag.. eat at hawker centres and only pamper yourself (for fine dining) once every 3 to 6 months, travel via budget airlines, stay in hostels..the list goes on and on..for how to enjoy life without burning a hole in your pocket. Similarly, eat wisely and exercise regularly. Life beyond 55 is not just pains and sufferings.

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Teatree]

Life at 55 is just the beginning of a new and exciting chapter and still too young to be admitted into nursing home. Some still run marathon, participate in bodybuilding competition and trekking etc.

 

If you want to enjoy life after 55, the key is to lead a healthy lifestyle in your younger years. Not only you saved alot from healthcare, you can use that money for travelling instead. Best of all, you look and feel much younger than your actual age.

[Guest Virgin]

He finally proposed to me over the weekend after 5 years of friendship.  I know alot of questions are brewing in everyone's mind now as to why it took so long.  Yup! we both wanted to go slow and test out our patient and peserverence. We succeeded. Nobody has shown any unfaithfullness.  I believe,  Sex will follow soon, but we haven't decided on the date yet.  The time is about riped for both of us to start planning together ahead.  We both of have our own bachelor pad, probably it helps somewhat.  I am currently feeling anxious and forward looking to our honeymoon.   

 

 

[Guest]

28 minutes ago, Guest Virgin said:

He finally proposed to me over the weekend after 5 years of friendship.  I know alot of questions are brewing in everyone's mind now as to why it took so long.  Yup! we both wanted to go slow and test out our patient and peserverence. We succeeded. Nobody has shown any unfaithfullness.  I believe,  Sex will follow soon, but we haven't decided on the date yet.  The time is about riped for both of us to start planning together ahead.  We both of have our own bachelor pad, probably it helps somewhat.  I am currently feeling anxious and forward looking to our honeymoon.   

 

 

 

Awww so sweet that u found your love. Two less lonely hearts in this world.

[Steve5380]

7 hours ago, Guest Virgin said:

He finally proposed to me over the weekend after 5 years of friendship.  I know alot of questions are brewing in everyone's mind now as to why it took so long.  Yup! we both wanted to go slow and test out our patient and peserverence. We succeeded. Nobody has shown any unfaithfullness.  I believe,  Sex will follow soon, but we haven't decided on the date yet.  The time is about riped for both of us to start planning together ahead.  We both of have our own bachelor pad, probably it helps somewhat.  I am currently feeling anxious and forward looking to our honeymoon.   

 

After five years of no "unfaithfulness" you two are getting ready to have sex?

You spent five years without sex?

Hopefully you can overcome an idealism that could hurt you.

Friendship and sex don't need to be burdened together with an idealistic exclusivity of "faithfulness".

Some of the best friendships I know have nothing of this "faithfulness" unnecessary load.

[darkflame]

On 02/04/2016 at 10:50 AM, upshot said:

Like the saying goes....  If you still feel alone when you are in a room filled with people you know, it's very telling of other issue then worrying about growing old alone, dying alone or living alone.

I rather be a lone and independent then to live with someone or people I don't like or be doing it to have others look after me.

 

In the end, we all die alone. Unless you plan to call everyone to your bed and trigger a bomb to take everyone out as well heh..

 

Were you seriously thinking about this? 

I was reminded of a famous incident in Japan where this guy lost his mind, and drove a van to knock down people.

When he saw that the people knocked down were still alive, he came out to stab them in the heart to make sure they die.

 

"If I can't have it, you cannot have it too."

 

 

[Guest]

On 3/31/2016 at 6:58 PM, raind said:

no need future... for me, my mum recently passed away, and i send off my maid, and then 4 months later, my dog (which i consider family for 15 over years) also passed away... and now, i am living alone. my partner no longer stays with me as he has to look after his elderly mum... so... yeah, it is not whether we will be alone, it is a matter of when we will be alone. thing is, can we continue to live life meaningfully when we are alone. we have always heard about preparing ourselves for our retirements financially, what we also need to focus on is to prepare ourselves emotionally, socially, psychologically, etc such that when the day comes when we are alone, we can still have the different layers of social, psychological, emotional support we need.

 

my thoughts...

 

well this is life....especially gay life.

 

i end up my relationship, my dog demise due to old age, my tenant sudden move out due to retrench and suddenly i m all alone by myself in HDB.

 

well life suck !

 

is just like total black out...no way to change for light bulb nor candle but bear with it.

 

i m okay now - if my younger day i sure shout and scream "why me"....now more mature and steady - i just say "try me".

 

it do work no matter how....just change a bit of mindset.

 

I wish you all the best.

 

 

 

 

 

[Steve5380]

On 4/4/2016 at 9:33 PM, Diamond said:

abang, i m here for you....

 

i can read you a book....my favourite author andrew matthew...

 

dun ask me to mop or clean your house is okay for me.

 

a cup of tea or coffee .

 

You may want to expand your view for needy people.

Some like to elaborate on how bad they have it.

But there is a "silent majority" of needy people

who cannot get sufficient to eat, don't have a roof over their head,

and don't go on vacation trips.

[Guest]

On 4 April 2016 at 5:23 PM, Guest Virgin said:

He finally proposed to me over the weekend after 5 years of friendship.  I know alot of questions are brewing in everyone's mind now as to why it took so long.  Yup! we both wanted to go slow and test out our patient and peserverence. We succeeded. Nobody has shown any unfaithfullness.  I believe,  Sex will follow soon, but we haven't decided on the date yet.  The time is about riped for both of us to start planning together ahead.  We both of have our own bachelor pad, probably it helps somewhat.  I am currently feeling anxious and forward looking to our honeymoon.   

 

 

 

Together for 5 years and no sex with bf. No unfaithful is impossible. Don't be naive. How can a guy no sex for 5 years? 5 weeks, maybe. But 5 years no sex is impossible. 

[jackrezal]

I personally think that; just like when i go to watch movies, if you lower your expectations of how great something will be and then it turns out to be so super awesome then you will be pleasantly happy. Maybe I'm already planning for that lonely end since I have been renting a room by myself since 5 years ago instead of staying with the parent. Being a wallpaper and not having friends also help to prepare for that fateful day. Haha. 

[Guest]

not that digging the past but I gotta tell the true about abang...

im not sure whether he remember..in April year 2013 I was having backache n was in bw and was chatting with abang

told him that im very worried abt my backache n so on..but abang told me off tat I m trying to get sympathy from him

and should go and get treatment rather than telling him.i felt very bad n hurt.i believe that time his mum was still around.

AND now then he knows how lonely old age is?

What im trying to tell here is guys..please please try to console and share kind words to each other here

Especially we as gays ,majority here got no married life n r singles, so kind words could keep the sick n lonely one

moving,,We r not here to take others' money although there a small amount of MB here.

KIND WORDS HEALS A SICKNESS FASTER THAN MEDICINE.trust me..

[yoyo74]

On 4/23/2016 at 9:27 AM, Guest said:

 

Together for 5 years and no sex with bf. No unfaithful is impossible. Don't be naive. How can a guy no sex for 5 years? 5 weeks, maybe. But 5 years no sex is impossible. 

No sex is not impossible. When u say its impossible u only think using your own mindset and not think how others would think. Those with low sex drive mindset or those with great will power would be able to easily do it. For me touch and hug around with friends and self hj is enough to be self contend.

[Guest]

1 minute ago, yoyo74 said:

No sex is not impossible. When u say its impossible u only think using your own mindset and not think how others would think. Those with low sex drive mindset or those with great will power would be able to easily do it. For me touch and hug around with friends and self hj is enough to be self contend.

yeah ... who says its not possible? 

Guest Virgin said 5 years no sex . not 5 years no physical contact. they may still kiss hug and do stuff. who knows what the limit is? if strictly no penetration till they are married. then yeah highly possible