Single & Living Alone Discussion (compiled)

[yoyo74]

On 4/21/2016 at 2:43 PM, touchntouch said:

Yes .. Will be alone until old and die eventually

Go make more gay friends. When u made several hundreds of gay friends, there sure to be many decent ones inside and can live together and eventually die together.

 

1 hour ago, Guest said:

yeah ... who says its not possible? 

Guest Virgin said 5 years no sex . not 5 years no physical contact. they may still kiss hug and do stuff. who knows what the limit is? if strictly no penetration till they are married. then yeah highly possible

There are several gay people dont like penetration sex so those people had the ability to abstain sex forever is easily possible

[htw89]

Have great friends. Get a life. Enjoy hobbies and don't fixate on too much things. Then life alone is liberating and fun. I've live alone overseas for a while and I can see how it can feel emotionally empty at times. But it takes time to slowly adjust to it. A year isn't quite ever enough!

[Steve5380]

On 4/24/2016 at 9:10 PM, Guest said:

yeah ... who says its not possible? 

Guest Virgin said 5 years no sex . not 5 years no physical contact. they may still kiss hug and do stuff. who knows what the limit is? if strictly no penetration till they are married. then yeah highly possible

 

This is a strange concept that only penetration is "sex" !!!

 

It sounds like Bill Clinton claiming that he didn't have sex with Monica because there was no penetration.

 

Why should gays copy the ways of straights?  WE DON"T NEED TO MAKE BABIES, SO WE DON'T NEED TO PENETRATE OUR PARTNER TO "CONSUMMATE" SEX.

The only reason for anal sex is to enjoy the pleasures of it.  And there are more ways to find pleasures with sex.

 

This means that it is RIDICULOUS for two gays to say that they didn't have sex for 5 years because they didn't stick each others cocks into each others butts.

[jackrezal]

On 3/28/2016 at 5:44 AM, transmissionsm said:

What about getting single BTO for those that are alone?

Will probably do that in 2 years time. So far all my landlords haven't turned into friends or family, just landlord. Plus all that CPF money I worked so hard for has to be put to some good use. Haha.

 

On 3/30/2016 at 7:43 AM, Guest Sam said:

 

 

That's a great idea, make a pot luck gathering once a week at different house each time,go on a short trip to a nearby country in a small group,im sure it will be fun.its the best thing to do as singles meet up and share their problems and so on..  im lucky that even im single but hv 2 good friends that can grow old together and maybe when the time is right we plan to move in together and rent out our flat for a regular income ,to save on the cost of living as sg is a expensive place to be when we are old  .. 

That's nice. Too bad no one's interested to do those things with me. Long enough and you get used to doing it all by yourself; eating by yourself, overseas by yourself, living by yourself.

 

On 3/31/2016 at 11:17 PM, darkflame said:

Living alone overseas was sort of a test to see how well I could live alone.

Especially in a society that is perceived to be pretty much lonely.

 

For almost 2 years, I spent my free time cooking, exercising, hiking etc.

My time got well used but after doing it for a year, it still felt rather emotionally empty.

Taking my meals at a counter table at restaurants, walking around nature reserves taking photos etc etc.

Going on simple dinner with the fellow countrymen or even other people was fulfilling enough and somehow made me more satisfied than filling up my time with solitary tasks.

 

Makes me wonder if I should ever regret staying alone.

Perhaps I should have stayed in a big dormitory. :/

Nothing to regret I feel. If you've experienced living alone, then the more you will treasure and appreciate the ones you have in your life. 

[Guest Mengyi]

I do. People come and go. Had so many partners but they all left me everytime they find someone else that is yummier than me

[Guest Guest]

10 hours ago, Guest Mengyi said:

I do. People come and go. Had so many partners but they all left me everytime they find someone else that is yummier than me

If ultimately if you can still find a partner, come and go doesnt really matter. Worst is go and you never find another one and ended up alone.

[Snapplejacked]

I've accepted it a long time ago. I don't sit by my window and stare out into the open and sigh and sigh.

 

I'm not lonely and I enjoy my own company very much.

 

Meeting new people is always fun and exciting to see where it leads (bad or otherwise) but I'm certainly not holding my breath.

 

Enter with low expectations, leave with low expectations. The only standards you should be imposing are on yourself.

[Guest Roger]

It is hard to be single for life.

[snapplejacked2]

2 hours ago, Guest Roger said:

It is hard to be single for life.

 

Not if you find people in general to be a hindrance to your personal life. I can't stomach the thought of being dependant on anyone for support be it emotionally or financially. Even less to have someone depend on you.

Edited March 16, 2017 by snapplejacked2

[AnH]

well

i'm single for the longest time and wish to remain so... 

not that i've been thru a lot of relationships, it's not easy having one nowadays

[mate69]

6 hours ago, snapplejacked2 said:

 

Not if you find people in general to be a hindrance to your personal life. I can't stomach the thought of being dependant on anyone for support be it emotionally or financially. Even less to have someone depend on you.

 

Absolutely so true.

[Guest Guest]

Makes one wonder how some would feel having a beautiful wife, handsome husband or partner , have they sometimes realise the other party have had lower their expectation ? Luckily , I do not have to wonder ... 

[sgmaven]

It all depends on how introverted/extroverted you are, and how many close friends you have. You might mention that you hope to grow old with someone, but then, who is to guarantee that the person will be by your side when you are old (people may leave or die)?

 

While I am open to meeting people and finding a partner, I am not insistent on having a bf. Is this trying to stick to my standards? I think not, it just is that I have been so busy that I have not had the time!

[snapplejacked2]

1 hour ago, Guest Guest said:

Makes one wonder how some would feel having a beautiful wife, handsome husband or partner , have they sometimes realise the other party have had lower their expectation ? Luckily , I do not have to wonder ... 

 

People need to be realistic.

 

If you want a top shelf partner, you damn well better be bringing top shelf qualities to the table too.

[LeanMature]

At 20s, you never think of it.

At 30s, it is an option.

At 40s, it become mandatory.  

At 50s, give up.  

At 60s, contended being single 

 

You can't turn the clock back, expectation notwithstanding. 

[Blacque]

24 minutes ago, LeanMature said:

At 20s, you never think of it.

At 30s, it is an option.

At 40s, it become mandatory.  

At 50s, give up.  

At 60s, contended being single 

 

You can't turn the clock back, expectation notwithstanding. 

 

Life should not be relationship-centric, but more of a journey to search for true happiness that does not necessarily have to be fulfilled by having a partner. 

 

[lonelyglobe]

19 hours ago, LeanMature said:

At 20s, you never think of it.

At 30s, it is an option.

At 40s, it become mandatory.  

At 50s, give up.  

At 60s, contended being single 

 

You can't turn the clock back, expectation notwithstanding. 

most people got attached in 20s or 30s, 40s still got a slim chance but 50s really difficult....at 60s, not contended also must contended, "boh bian liao"

[tinkero]

Wah  say until like that .... ive been single for the longest time ever.......  im 37 alr... means i must get attached also.... else.. mei you ren yao.... 

[ctglobal]

Really good posts on this thread I have to say. 

On 2/6/2016 at 6:38 PM, Glyph said:

I think you read a tad too little and a little too much into what I've said.

 

There's of course nothing wrong with loving the sense of being in love, it's only natural. But it becomes a problem when we get in love solely because of it.

 

And my canvas doesn't have to be perfect. I didn't say it has to be, nor do I want it to be. At the end of the day, I just want something that I'll be able to tell myself this: "It's good enough."

 

Yep I think this is prolly one of the healthier approaches. Perfect is the enemy of the good. Need to know what we want and have high enough standards but at the same time we too are human and not going to be 100% what someone else is looking for. 

 

Also agree we have to develop ourselves and bring our best out, more importantly communicate it.

 

Think a lot of ppl in sg don't and then wonder why they're 1) single or 2) can't find someone or 3) no one seems to pick them out of the rough. How can we expect to if we can't even convey and express our own worth and depth as individuals?

[Guest JustDroppingby]

On 2/4/2016 at 1:14 PM, Nipoet said:

I have lowered my expectations so low but STILL nobody want me. T.T

 

So, being single is not an option that I chose. -cries-

 

Wouldn't the lowest standard be choosing an unattractive female counterpart?

i.e. Going against what you consider attractive for the sake of a relationship (with a human)

[bigdanbeam]

I have no expectations and have no issues about remaining single. 

 

"At 40s, it become mandatory" 

 

Neh, says who

 

[sum1outhere_03]

On 2/4/2016 at 1:10 PM, lonelyglobe said:

As per title, expectations can come in the form of race, age, physical attributes, role and skill in bed, character, occupation, income and so on......

 

perhaps it depend on age, in our 20s, we set the standard, we have so many wants for that perfect man and start searching......till 30s, we review and lower some of our wants or remove them....then hit 40s, here comes 2 extreme: 1.) have been single for so long, don't want anymore or 2.) just need to find a man who also want u (the want have became a need) 

 

I'm probably going to be on #1, unless there's a miracle for someone to like me especially with my size

[Guest Guest]

On 04/02/2016 at 1:10 PM, lonelyglobe said:

As per title, expectations can come in the form of race, age, physical attributes, role and skill in bed, character, occupation, income and so on......

 

perhaps it depend on age, in our 20s, we set the standard, we have so many wants for that perfect man and start searching......till 30s, we review and lower some of our wants or remove them....then hit 40s, here comes 2 extreme: 1.) have been single for so long, don't want anymore or 2.) just need to find a man who also want u (the want have became a need) 

Jusy look at you in the mirror...neither looks nor body..

[johnnybegood]

I personally don't think it is about "lowering the standards" like what a number of people are saying, cos' it seems that this means finding another guy with poorer physical attributes than your ideal. But there are so many other things that one might be looking out for in a relationship: trustworthiness, humorous, kind, caring etc. These traits are equally if not more important. 

 

Was just having a discussion with a friend, and at the end of the day, your bf should be someone you are very comfortable with, and can show your truest self to. There is no pressure to shine, no pretence whatsoever. Ideally, your bf should be your best friend.

 

 

[LeanMature]

On Friday, March 17, 2017 at 6:40 PM, tinkero said:

Wah  say until like that .... ive been single for the longest time ever.......  im 37 alr... means i must get attached also.... else.. mei you ren yao.... 

 

As you aged up, option become narrower.  I'll said by aged 50, very likely will remain single in life. 

 

23 minutes ago, hannibalism said:

i think our default mode is being single/alone (i'm quite a buddhist that way), and if we strive to be with someone, we just end up missing all the things that matter.

 

i'd say the question is moot and the dichotomy, false.

 

I think our default mode is to be attached.  But become comfortable being single after remaining single for a prolonged period of time. 

[Guest Man]

I don't think we are meant to be alone. If I was still single I guess yes, I would lower my expectations. As you get older I think the company, listening ear and all that jazz become more important. I think having fun is easy in this community, but finding someone you want to devote good time to and build something with is .. luck? I guess i'm lucky to have found my partner in my 20s. 

 

Those 30 40 50 60 ++ still single, maybe just find friends you get along with really well and just live life with friends. Say no to being alone. Be comfortable with yourself and be self sufficient, but don't shy away from people. Bf, friends, or family... make sure you find the people you love. 

 

If all else fails, get a dog ^^ aww puppy! 

[adiff]

My take on this is that if a men has a high expectation and have a detailed rigid preference about his romantic life, then he should resign to the possibility that it may take a very long time for him to find a guy that fits both his expectation and preference, and if he does find that guy, he must accept too that there is a possibility that he may not fit into that guy's preference and expectation. 

 

That is if he decides to stay affirm with his expectation and preference. 

 

But, if he ever thought of lowering or being flexible with his expectation and preference, I personally think that he shouldn't decide before confirming to himself that he is truly ready for a life in a romantic partnership with another person, not cuz he is desperate or lonely or looking for some sort of magical fix to fix or ameliorate whatever problems and shortcomings he have in his life. 

Edited March 21, 2017 by adiff

[wilfgene]

The criteria is a culmination of a life-time of interactions and self-reflection.  Assuming No Man Is An Island, with each new experience, the criteria is likely to change, for lower or higher.

Had the pinnacle of public cruising experience only after more than 30 years. 

[Guest Boyfriend]

A boyfriend is no more special than your best friend with additional benefits and extra comfort. 

[Guest Yaaaaaaas]

3 hours ago, Guest Boyfriend said:

A boyfriend is no more special than your best friend with additional benefits and extra comfort. 

 

HAH!! Amen! Well said  I call my bf my Best Friend too. My bro even. 

 

(Cue judging gays reacting with shock)

[Guest Duh]

So many sour grapes in here! 

 

Surely those who have settled down wif they bf of many years have diff ideas. And prolly laffing at the childishness here.

[azuchan]

2 hours ago, Guest Duh said:

So many sour grapes in here! 

 

Surely those who have settled down wif they bf of many years have diff ideas. And prolly laffing at the childishness here.

You might want to learn how to spell properly. It's "laughing", not "laffing".

[auscent]

Im destined to be single. On my quiet evenings or day off, my no 1 fave hobby is to spend time by myself. Alone but rarely lonely.

 

The only time i enjoy some company is during mrt rides - talking to people shorten the train rides.

[Guest Boyfriend]

On 3/22/2017 at 3:23 AM, Guest Yaaaaaaas said:

 

HAH!! Amen! Well said  I call my bf my Best Friend too. My bro even. 

 

(Cue judging gays reacting with shock)

 

Yup, It's the way we approach our relationship that makes it work. Afterall what is so special about the love for a boyfriend that it must be kept apart from other kinds of love for your parents, relatives, friends, etc. The consequence of doing so would set yourself up for future disappointments when your partner is no longer able to contribute to that uniqueness of the relationship.

[ThePineapple]

Single

[Guest Jizz]

Lower expectation but just have basic criteria right. Must be pleasant looking, need not be drop dead handsome. 

 

At first, I didn't want to be with him. But after many months, can try and see if he is sincere. Seriously, now I think I'm the luckiest gay who have found a cute bf loving me more than I do. He may not be the most charming one but at least 7/10 looks. Even if he's 6/10, I wouldn't mind because he loves me too much and always want me to be happy - physically and emotionally. 

 

All the best to the singles. Sometimes, it isn't all about bedroom activities although it feels so good to kiss slowly, fondle and blow each other. You wanna play with your tool forever alone meh? Think about what I said. I wish someone told me that when I was younger, fitter and hotter which I could very well be with someone even more gorgeous. End of the day, everyone wants someone to love and rely on, right?

[bigdanbeam]

2 hours ago, Guest Jizz said:

.....End of the day, everyone wants someone to love and rely on, right?

 

No. Not everyone. 

 

There is no one you can rely on except yourself. 

 

靠山山倒 靠人人跑. I'm sure you know this

[Estarif]

Expectations leads to disappointment, expectations are always a perfect imagination of what you expect and want.

But really, what we should also like someone is not just how perfect they are, if we dont learn how to love someone's imperfections, a relationship will never last.

There is no absolute in life, you will never find a perfect guy within your expectations 

That said, you shouldn't just casually hook up with any guy you see in the street, there should still be a basic citeria that you are looking for, instead or calling it "expectations "

[Sibelius]

The partner you want to be with may not be the one that is the most attractive handsome hunk out there that ticks all the personality trait boxes. He/she would be the one that you get along well with, can share the closest secrets with and also perhaps some physical intimacy. Personally I feel there is no such thing as perfect partner, we all have to accommodate to one an other to make the relationship work. Give and take here and there. Maybe this is some form of lowering of expectations but it is really true for any relationships. This is the reality in life

[dynox]

16 minutes ago, Estarif said:

Expectations leads to disappointment, expectations are always a perfect imagination of what you expect and want.

But really, what we should also like someone is not just how perfect they are, if we dont learn how to love someone's imperfections, a relationship will never last.

There is no absolute in life, you will never find a perfect guy within your expectations 

That said, you shouldn't just casually hook up with any guy you see in the street, there should still be a basic citeria that you are looking for, instead or calling it "expectations "

Preach. That said, the need for self preservation almost always the need to be polite and open-minded. It's a tough battle.

 

2 minutes ago, Sibelius said:

The partner you want to be with may not be the one that is the most attractive handsome hunk out there that ticks all the personality trait boxes. He/she would be the one that you get along well with, can share the closest secrets with and also perhaps some physical intimacy. Personally I feel there is no such thing as perfect partner, we all have to accommodate to one an other to make the relationship work. Give and take here and there. Maybe this is some form of lowering of expectations but it is really true for any relationships. This is the reality in life

Perfection is in itself imperfect. Perfectly imperfect is still technically perfect... or is it imperfect? Anyways, amen.

[Guest Dr Lim]

On 15/08/2016 at 0:41 AM, Guest Mengyi said:

I do. People come and go. Had so many partners but they all left me everytime they find someone else that is yummier than me

 

Sad to say that is the fact of a gay life.

[robin]

Learn quite a few tings after reading all these post & I would like to share some insights about posttive aging: 

1. Health is wealth. Take good care of your own health. 
2. Start saving early. Money is not everything but we can't live without it 
3. Keep a healthy social life 
4. Recognize that growing old alone is is not just a gay issue; many straight people with children also face the same issue. So stop blaming yourself for being gay
5. Many of us are very fortunate to be able to go through the 'good economic times' of Singapore where we are able to have jobs & save some money. Learn to be thankful 
6. To stop self-pity, be a volunteer. Once you see how tough the lives of other people, you will realize how fortunate you are & will tend to treasure our lives better

i really hope one day, someone will organize pot luck gathering once a month & we can gather to make some good friends here 

[sgboy84]

This thread is so emo. Lol! I would say just live in the present, be positive and take things as they come. Everyone has to leave this world someday...

[tanwla]

You guys are so lucky and fortunate... some of us over here have never experience what it's like to be attached and have a partner to go to..  some people here have been single their entire lives unlike some who had the opportunity to say they are attached.. and not only never attached but never had sex for freaking 27 years...

[Steve5380]

9 hours ago, tanwla said:

You guys are so lucky and fortunate... some of us over here have never experience what it's like to be attached and have a partner to go to..  some people here have been single their entire lives unlike some who had the opportunity to say they are attached.. and not only never attached but never had sex for freaking 27 years...

 

You were also lucky and fortunate.  You must have been born into a rigid environment, accepted it, and as a "good person" never departed from its norms and rules. This was comfortable, and you were entitled to the prerogatives offered to good persons in your environment.  If you never had the sex you desired and never risked attachment to someone you desired, you never took any risks.  This must have saved you from much stress.

 

But now you may realize that you missed out on much of life.  Hopefully you now realize that there was little reason for that, that you are as good as any other person who has sex and gets attached.  Hopefully you also realize that it is never too late.  Not in the 50s, 60s, even 70s.  So forget what others want for you, and think of what YOU want for you, and take the risk to make the necessary moves. 

[fab]

No.

 

But I can deal with it.

 

I hope.

[blownatics]

I've grown accustomed to being alone my whole life so far, so why not accept that I'll be alone for the rest of my life.

[AnH]

I have been alone most of the time... even the only one relationship i ever was a long distance one

End of the day, we will be still alone

So no big deal about it... 

[Guest Blank]

As per subject 

[upshot]

Over 2 decades and loving it that way. Single is the way to go. There is more to life then the usual rut that society's majority seem to want to follow or is program by DNA to do so. This is 2018.... the very survival nature to procreate in order to keep the human race going is far gone. Beside  I enjoy my own company more then I have ever felt lonely all my life. Too independent I guess.