Why Are We So Obsessed On Getting Laid?

[cloz8dude]

Well yeah, sex is fun, it's an amazing experience one can ever have. But this is just a temporary pleasure. Why do we give our all to find something that is sort-lived? Is this what a gay community is all about?

 

It is dumbfounding to see that sex is the main thing that is being discussed. More specially, people are so afraid to find a friend because now finding a friend has became like finding your next sex partner. I mean, is sex the only thing there is to our life? I just can't get around my mind why sex has to be the main priority in their life.

 

Sometimes I wonder, what will the younger generation of gay guys think when they see us, that being gay is about getting laid? Why can't we be the people who are compassionate for each other, having the giving spirit, helping the lonely confused gay guys out there to feel that they have someone to look up to? Or find a common interest and make friends which will go a long way, have a meaningful and fun conversations, chill out together etc. The world is out to get us, getting laid isn't gonna help, nor you're gonna wake up after having sex to have a fulfilling life.

Edited October 18, 2015 by cloz8dude

[EasleyLim]

"Sex is like oxygen, it’s only a big deal when you’re not getting any."

That said, I think there's possibly an overemphasis on getting sex but I don't see people generally espousing the idea that sex will make your life fulfilling. Anyone with half a brain and modest sexual experience knows that it's not going to 'complete' them. 

[leooo]

Tinder, grindr, jackd. These are all applications. With our society leaning towards a more tech-savvy one, it is inevitable that even the younger generation, whom have been growing up surrounded by modern technology, will use such apps. These apps, I presume, were initially made for people to find their kings and queens. However, this function of finding a spouse have change into finding a ONS. Coupled with people able to access to more variety of pornography via the net, it is unavoidable that people are becoming increasingly horny. As such, such apps or even online platforms even like bw have became an avenue for sexual predators to target their next prey.

These sexual predators do so by

1)asking directly for sex

2)pretending to be interested in someone and then after a while pop up the question about sex.

For the latter, people, who genuinely am looking for friends or life partner, have fallen for it too many a time that they eventually lost hope in finding the right one on such apps. They , instead, turn to finding sex likes what everyone else is doing, and this will have a domino effect such that even the next batch of people using it will end up usong it for hook up.

All in all, social media had made the influence of one become greater and more impactful and this leads to people wanting sex more often than not.

[Guest Guest]

I think there is truth in the sentiment that gay men are, in general, pretty promiscuous. Stereotypes have to stem from something. 

 

Perhaps it is our response to the long history of dehumanization and oppression placed on us (LGBTs). I am reminded of Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

"Why bother with going through all the trouble of doing things the 'proper' way, when we have such odds stacked against us?"

Indeed, sex is on the most fundamental level of the hierarchy of needs. Could we have "fallen back"?

 

 

This also reminds me about something I saw on Quora (link)

 

 

Well, first thing to understand is that gay men aren't sluts.  Men are sluts.  It's the historic selectivity of females in the affair that tames male sexual licentiousness.  Since gay men are pursuing other gay men, the "speed bump" in sexual activity has been removed and--well--things get pretty busy from there.

Because gay men have historically had to achieve their only physical contact with another man in just a few hours (being unable to create real relationships because of societal hatred), men removed even more risk-aversion barriers in order to "get it out of their system".  Days of pent up desire to be with another man had to be expressed in one night or weekend.  This created a gay culture that revolved around sex and sexual promiscuity that, now entrenched, is quite difficult to remove (though, to Generation Y's credit, it's very much something that they are both avoiding and destroying).  

 

Of course, a lot of it depends on the individual as well. After all, homosexuality is only part of a person's identity. It's really up to one to decide how much he wishes to be (blindly or not) influenced by others. 

 

[Guest I was thinking]

Well yeah, sex is fun, it's an amazing experience one can ever have. But this is just a temporary pleasure. Why do we give our all to find something that is sort-lived? Is this what a gay community is all about?

 

It is dumbfounding to see that sex is the main thing that is being discussed. More specially, people are so afraid to find a friend because now finding a friend has became like finding your next sex partner. I mean, is sex the only thing there is to our life? I just can't get around my mind why sex has to be the main priority in their life.

 

 

I agree, though it is forgivable to younger and curious group of gay, I personally find that the old gay are also setting a very bad example.  On the other hand, it is also sign of self-defiance from people who thought that since they cannot have love, they will opt random sex.  The older gay think that time is running out, no time to wait, so makan first than talk later.  The young gay used sex to satisfy their curiosity and coming out experience which the older gay have gone through.  So, the old and the young are people each other needs and the cycle continue to the extend people think that LTR is such transient whereas ONS look more practical even though empty emotiional.  End of the day, we need to ask ourselves what we wanted beyond the sundial, something we can count on more permanently, rather than a moment of pleasure and a lifetime of regret (if you get caught with HIV virus).

[cloz8dude]

Those are really good insight guys. I can see that there are some psychological reasons behind such an obsession.

 

Gotta agree that social media has been a biggest influence on this. These days, people can just meet thousands of people with a tap of a button. It's like, the easier it is, the more it gets to toy around with and exploit. Even though the intention was to let people find their special one, or friend, some(if not many) found a way to vent their desires with it. Those who were sincerely looking for someone to love, got betrayed and they started following trend. But one should have a firm belief that following the trend won't lead them to find the happiness they wanted at the first place. 

 

And also agree that older gay guys think that sex is the best option because I guess for them, loving is a burden since the society don't accept our love. And the younger generation following along. All in all, I believe that oppression of our community has to be the one that led to the above situations.

 

Anyways, I'm not trying to judge them or trying to change anything. It just troubles me to see that people nowadays are driving more towards cheap thrills which, in the end, make them live a lonely life. Prevent them from actually having a long lasting relationship that comes with support, help and what not. And frustratingly to the outside world, we are all seen as a bunch of sexual deviants. Sighs...

Edited October 18, 2015 by cloz8dude

[cloz8dude]

"Sex is like oxygen, it’s only a big deal when you’re not getting any."

That said, I think there's possibly an overemphasis on getting sex but I don't see people generally espousing the idea that sex will make your life fulfilling. Anyone with half a brain and modest sexual experience knows that it's not going to 'complete' them. 

 

But it seems as if some people find it as an accomplishment in their life. Can be seen from those encounters threads

[Guest Counting on you]

We need to have more successful gay couple to come out and share their moment and experiences.  So far, we have not heard much from such lovers other than certain celebrities getting married.  Most of the time, we knew only about broken relationship, sex and singlehood. Movies are not helpful either, they ain't educational and the ending scene is always far from satisfactory. Our msm are censoring all the good things we need to tell the world about gay.  We are not asking for fairy tales story. I presumed most successful gay lovers ain't internet savvy or decided that such forum is no longer needed since they have already led a happy life thereafter? 

 

In fact, we shouldn't blame on internet. It can be both a place of wisdom and evil, but it provide human the choice on which to choose.  Even before the internet Era (yes, I am old already), it was already hard to find love among the gays, and cruising wasn't new in those days. 

 

We should thank the internet to provide us so much more now, especially the knowledge, the conversation, the sharing of stories to make us fully aware of our positions and make it closer for us to find our other HALF in life.  Sex is probably the process of getting there. Unfortunately, a few black sheeps have turned the table leading to what we were facing today - fear, skepticism, doubts, revenge, eventually loneliness.  The road ahead remain bleak, and how many members here will live until SG100 to see changes in our circle or the better of it? What is holding us back, we need to constantly ask oursleves this question.

 

With every passing time, we missed all the goodness of living in love, breathing it and sharing it with our companion. The bodily touch is important, the spiritual and emotional nourishment of being together is critical to our well beings too.  Focus on the internal factor of wanting him, not the external factors because everyone come from different family background, different stories and different problems. Let not these affect our desire to love one another and wanting each other.

 

With that,  I have been liking this guy for years and I am going to tell him that I love him. We only have this life to live and share our thought, and even before we think about not having a next life like this, everyday is a borrowed time to do what we are supposed to do - live life with someone you desired to live with and die with no regret in this life. 

[Guest dafa]

Sorry to burst your bubble. Sex is the main things most gays (I would gay 90% or even more) chases non stop in life.

 

It maybe due to the fact that they men after all (think with their penises) or the delayed adolescent mindset (cannot true to oneself when younger).

 

No need to preach to the unbelievers. Just live your life and keep the real friends (LGBT or Straight, Men or Women).  Forget about the "community" (which never ever was one other then group of people "united" by social discrimination).

 

Be happy with yourself and live a healthy productive life.

[EasleyLim]

But it seems as if some people find it as an accomplishment in their life. Can be seen from those encounters threads

 

Well then that's their point of view. Different people have different priorities in life. 'sides, it's not like the gay community is a monolithic hivemind. 

[Guest Guest]

Sorry to burst your bubble. Sex is the main things most gays (I would gay 90% or even more) chases non stop in life.

It maybe due to the fact that they men after all (think with their penises) or the delayed adolescent mindset (cannot true to oneself when younger).

No need to preach to the unbelievers. Just live your life and keep the real friends (LGBT or Straight, Men or Women). Forget about the "community" (which never ever was one other then group of people "united" by social discrimination).

Be happy with yourself and live a healthy productive life.

You'll be surprised to see the number of gays who don't live a life defined by how many guys he has fucked/how many fucks he's had.

But, yes, you're right. We are the captain of our own soul.

[Guest Guest]

Something is not right with the basic needs and I believe 'sex' at that level need to be 'refined' and group under 'excretion'.

Hence, Physiological: breathing, food, water, sleep, homeostasis, excretion (including ejaculation).

Abraham Maslow was just being lazy to generalize all needs making every man take sex for granted. He's male right? That explains it.

 

I think there is truth in the sentiment that gay men are, in general, pretty promiscuous. Stereotypes have to stem from something. 

 

Perhaps it is our response to the long history of dehumanization and oppression placed on us (LGBTs). I am reminded of Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

"Why bother with going through all the trouble of doing things the 'proper' way, when we have such odds stacked against us?"

Indeed, sex is on the most fundamental level of the hierarchy of needs. Could we have "fallen back"?

 

 

This also reminds me about something I saw on Quora (link)

 

Of course, a lot of it depends on the individual as well. After all, homosexuality is only part of a person's identity. It's really up to one to decide how much he wishes to be (blindly or not) influenced by others. 

 

[Guest Guest]

Something is not right with the basic needs and I believe 'sex' at that level need to be 'refined' and group under 'excretion'.

Hence, Physiological: breathing, food, water, sleep, homeostasis, excretion (including ejaculation).

Abraham Maslow was just being lazy to generalize all needs making every man take sex for granted. He's male right? That explains it.

 

Talking about basic needs, there's no evident or proof of any male will die of lacking sex, only too much sex.

[Guest Ute35]

Something is not right with the basic needs and I believe 'sex' at that level need to be 'refined' and group under 'excretion'.

Hence, Physiological: breathing, food, water, sleep, homeostasis, excretion (including ejaculation).

Abraham Maslow was just being lazy to generalize all needs making every man take sex for granted. He's male right? That explains it.

how can ejaculation be part of excretion?! you know what excretion is?

[Guest wozzit]

It just troubles me to see that people nowadays are driving more towards cheap thrills which, in the end, make them live a lonely life. Prevent them from actually having a long lasting relationship that comes with support, help and what not. 

 

Why do u think a desire for lots of sex with different guys earlier in life necessarily results in loneliness n prevents a guy from having a mutually meaningful relationship later on? I am staggered at the number of younger guys who assume this is how they will end up! It just doesnt follow.

 

Never heard of straight guys sowing their wild oats before they eventually marry n settle down?

[Guest Glyph]

Talking about basic needs, there's no evident or proof of any male will die of lacking sex, only too much sex.

 

It is a basic need not because we cannot survive without it, but because our sex drive is predominantly primordial. Generally speaking, people tend to feel bad about not being able to have sex. This feeling needs to be resolved before one can proceed to the next level of needs. That isn't to say that we can't be happy without sex, but the ability to do so is fundamental, even if we choose not to exercise it. We don't need to have anything from the higher level needs (self-esteem, friendship, safety, etc.) in order to have sex.

 

And that there's a difference between sex (physiological—instinctual need) and sexual intimacy (love/belonging—social & personal need), of which I think the latter is what this discussion is about.

[Guest Guest]

It is a basic need not because we cannot survive without it, but because our sex drive is predominantly primordial. Generally speaking, people tend to feel bad about not being able to have sex. This feeling needs to be resolved before one can proceed to the next level of needs. That isn't to say that we can't be happy without sex, but the ability to do so is fundamental, even if we choose not to exercise it. We don't need to have anything from the higher level needs (self-esteem, friendship, safety, etc.) in order to have sex.

 

And that there's a difference between sex (physiological—instinctual need) and sexual intimacy (love/belonging—social & personal need), of which I think the latter is what this discussion is about.

 

Under physiology, extended period lacking of air, food, water, sleep, excretion and your daily life will be wrecked. Does sex belong to this category?

Ejaculation alone is not sex, if you consider masturbation as sex then fine.

Sexual contact with another person, or people, is not the only way to achieve orgasm and unload. The thought that drive you nuts is the needs to shoot not sexual contact with others. The desire to get intimidated is addiction or a 'device' to get what you want, not basic needs.

Lots of people consider having a car basic needs, but is it?

Feel bad about not having car or more money is not lacking of basic needs. So does sexual intimacy.

Just because you want it doesn't make it basic needs.

[Guest Guest]

how can ejaculation be part of excretion?! you know what excretion is?

 

http://www.google.com/search?q=sperm+excretion

[Guest Guest]

Why do u think a desire for lots of sex with different guys earlier in life necessarily results in loneliness n prevents a guy from having a mutually meaningful relationship later on? I am staggered at the number of younger guys who assume this is how they will end up! It just doesnt follow.

 

Because no one want to settle down with a slut, not even a turn-over-a-new-leaf slut. Unless we are talking about slut and slut.

 

 

Never heard of straight guys sowing their wild oats before they eventually marry n settle down?

 

More like a product of religious, family, social pressure and maybe pregnancy. Even that doesn't keep those 'uneasy' one at bay after marriage.

 

 

[Guest Glyph]

Under physiology, extended period lacking of air, food, water, sleep, excretion and your daily life will be wrecked. Does sex belong to this category?

Ejaculation alone is not sex, if you consider masturbation as sex then fine.

Sexual contact with another person, or people, is not the only way to achieve orgasm and unload. The thought that drive you nuts is the needs to shoot not sexual contact with others. The desire to get intimidated is addiction or a 'device' to get what you want, not basic needs.

Lots of people consider having a car basic needs, but is it?

Feel bad about not having car or more money is not lacking of basic needs. So does sexual intimacy.

Just because you want it doesn't make it basic needs.

It is, not in the sense of sex itself, but that we need to be capable of it. As in that we should be free of the disability to have sex, that if present may directly or indirectly cause harm. At least that's how I interpret it.

We should also take into consideration that the chart is old, and made during the time when psychologists think all human behaviour was one way or another based on sex drive. Which, is currently understood to be false and that not everything we do originates from wanting to make babies (or sticking it up where the sun don't shine). But we can't deny that sex drive is a powerful force, so much so that subliminal sexual messages in ads on a product can make you want to buy it.

Having a car is a liability to me. Which also reminds me, why's it that car models are usually girls clad in very little cloth? Hmm..

[Guest Shyu9]

Because no one want to settle down with a slut, not even a turn-over-a-new-leaf slut. Unless we are talking about slut and slut.

This one takes the cake. LOL.

[Traveler3032]

Getting laid feels good! Science tells us so because of dopamine released during love making and sex.

When you hold some cute guy, kissing and caressing, even without hard sex, it still felt really good. Nothing wrong with that. 

[Guest It pops]

Getting laid feels good! Science tells us so because of dopamine released during love making and sex.

When you hold some cute guy, kissing and caressing, even without hard sex, it still felt really good. Nothing wrong with that. 

When kena virus, see if you still feel good.

[Traveler3032]

When kena virus, see if you still feel good.

Do you know how to use protection?

[Guest Guest]

Do you know how to use protection?

If protection worked there wouldn't be the HIV pandemic worldwide right now.

[Guest Truth]

Do you know how to use protection?

 

Do you know how to use protection?

People use condom when they are having pre-arranged sex in a proper setting with necessary faciltiies to clean up.  However, it is unlikely people will carry condom with them when they cruise in public places like toilet, parks...etc with no proper washing facilities - fuck, suck and go.