What Qualities To Look For In A Boyfriend + Seeking Love & Choosing The Right One (Compiled)

[Zackling]

Hi to all, I am a 29 161 75 chn hairy guy stocky guy seeking a LTR with a sincere, committed mature thinking chinese guy. I am currently working in city hall area as a designer. The Mr. Right I am seeking for must be:

1. Serious & committed
2. Manly (non -sissy)
3. Career Orientated
4. Non smoker
5. Social drinker
6. Non compulsive gambler
7. Have a place of his own (condo preferred)
8. Looks is not impt, stocky gentlemen are welcomed
9. Character, a very good character is very impt to me
10. Anal sex is not imporatant to him
11. Able to communicate as 2 ways traffic of communication is very imporatnt
12. a man who is able to keep his principles in the ways of life
13. Independent
14. Creative & interesting lover on bed and must be great on bed as well
15. Discreet and str acting
16. Not loud in his sense of gay dressing, dress according to situation & events
17. Able to uphold conversations well
18. He does not have to be super nor filthy rich.

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[Triple8]

Zackling, i think u are really serious about looking for your Mr Rght. However, with so many criteria, how can someone be so perfect to fit in your requirements.? On the flip side, are u the potential guy's Mr Right ? Just as a test , if your criteria is those of ur MR Right, do u think u can satisfy them urself??

[IkuTube]

"Out of the box" approach: While it is important that we need to know what we are looking for, it is also wise if we are to know "Why Mr Right Has Not Found Us" yet.

We need to apply quantum thinking - That when we set to achieve our goals, our self awareness and self understanding can become the beacons that attract the result.

All the best, Zackling!

[nvms]

Check list

1. Serious & committed (Fair enough, can sense that u are serious too)

2. Manly (non -sissy) (Are u ?)

3. Career Orientated (If happen to lost his job during the time he know u?)

4. Non smoker (no comments)

5. Social drinker (no comments)

6. Non compulsive gambler (no comments either)

7. Have a place of his own (condo preferred) (He have a condo, but his mom is staying with him... How? Chase his mom away huh?)

8. Looks is not impt, stocky gentlemen are welcomed (no comments either)

9. Character, a very good character is very impt to me (So.. the question is do u have a good character as well?)

10. Anal sex is not imporatant to him (not important as in, to give or receive?)

11. Able to communicate as 2 ways traffic of communication is very imporatnt (of course he will be able to communicate, but will u listen?)

12. a man who is able to keep his principles in the ways of life (this is a good one, but honestly.... quite difficult..)

13. Independent (fair enough)

14. Creative & interesting lover on bed and must be great on bed as well (U already mentioned Analsex is not important, so beside kissing, hugging, oral, toy etc etc... do teach me new stuff, so I can use it also)

15. Discreet and str acting (Discreet ok, "str acting" then he is not truthful to himself, should be "masculine".)

16. Not loud in his sense of gay dressing, dress according to situation & events (nowadays the str guy are more gay then gay...)

17. Able to uphold conversations well (so what is the topic? Politics? Philsophy? or Britney Spears? )

18. He does not have to be super nor filthy rich. (he have all the above, except no 7 and 18.... so how?)

[shirokun7777]

Un.. i agree with the above gentlemen. The secret to increasing the chance of meeting the right person is not to learn to look for Mr. Right but rather "BE" Mr. Right.

We get increasingly difficult to be missed as our Mr. Right qualities increase, and increasingly invisible the other way round. All the best~

[DirtyOldMan]

I think love is blind and many a times it depends on the first sight, that is why we have "type". When we meet out type the if averything clicks then a love is born. My Mr. rights are :-

Shintara Ishihara

Satao Yamahana ( passed away 10 years ago )

Taiichi Sakaya

Taro Kimura

Taku Yamazaki

etc.

Too bad as I cant post their pictures here as it is said to be not allowed to post pictures.

Please let me know anyone here is your type.

[GachiMuchi]

I read with amazement that there are so many criteria to look out for in your search for a boy friend.

I hope you will find what you are looking for but frankly even though you might find him, he most probably could have been taken or he may feel that you are not up to his "expectation" nor meet his criteria for his search for his "ideal" boyfriend?

Not trying to pour cold water over you but; you choose people, people choose you too.

[Zackling]

this is my reply to most of your statements aboved. As we are all humans & we consisted of emotions & feelings. As time catches up with age, one will tend to think of settling down as it's common to all human nature including animals.

I am sick & tired of the "hit & run affairs" in the meat market. Must we present ourselves naked to everyone in a gay suana and bang our nights away?

my answers to NVM:

Q2. I am rather str8 / manly

Q3. If you losed your job, I'll give you my moral support to encourage you to moved on & look for a better job.

Q7. I also have parents too. I am not asking anyone or even my bf to be to chase their parents away when I am ina r/s with you or even staying with you. I am trying to save up to buy a place of my own too to be with my bf to be. (by the way, I am not going after anyone's wealth)

Q9. I do respect all elderly citizens with good characters except that I am on bed terms with my own family at this current situation. 1 thing I am sure of myself, I dun go to gay clubs, gay saunas, I dun gamble, I dun smoke, I do social drink, sometimes I drink alone outside 7-11 at night when I can't sleep

Q10. In a relationship, esp as gays, is anal sex so important? Just to proved that you love your bf so you have to penetrate him>? yes I agree even if u hang a piece of fish infront of a cat, the cat will eat as is natural instinct & abilities. I'll offer my body to the man I genuinely & truely love.

Q11. Communications is important as in, no secrets between both of us, everything is transparent. Honesty. Anything don't know just ask, ask until u understand, tell,observed, speak & learn. I don't need him to report to me or tell me whatever he has done.. just to let me know how his day is at the end of the day, is it too hard to ask? can discuss situations on family issues or issues between me & him

Q.17 able to uphold a converstaions well meaning, politics, social events happening ard us, never gossip behind behind people's back, whatever topics that pop up but with sense, logic & maturity.

Everyday is a learning process for me. All of us are learning to be the perfect bf.. and I know that there is nothing call perfect.. there's always give & take. so whoever is keen, please sms me at 91833587 I am really keen in settling down. I may even have to move out of my family to settle down with you cos I am learning to be independent.

Thanks for all the replys & I truly appreciates.

[oralb]

well i can only say give him a break. He is still young, has the hope of meeting that perfect person. And there is nothing wrong to list down a long list of criteria, after all he is looking for a partner (lifelong, i hope) and not a ONS.

as times go by, slowly we will all realised that the perfect person in our dream may never be out there. that's where we fine tune our hopes and compromises. Sad but that's true.

lastly like ikutube said, it is good that he had listed down his "goal" (of finding that perfect person) specific nonetheless. How many of us really has a crystal clear idea of what we are looking for in the 1st place? By listing his criteria out, it would help in finding his "perfect" person.

now the catch is, whether that "perfect" person will think that he is perfect or even love him perfectly is another story...

[nvms]

Thanks for yr answers Zackling!

OB, Im not picking on him, please dont get me wrong... Im also helping him to learn in a way... since there is a list attached to it, there will be all these Q&A for him to get prepare...

If Im really into my bitching mode, then it wont be this way...

[oralb]

best time to share this song that i liken recently

[oralb]

in case you cant read traditional chinese

here's a youtube live concert version

[Asura]

Is there any perfect guy in the world? There will always be somethings which will hinder you along your way, so does that flaw become a spot in your eye?

When I go market, mum always choose the vegetable with holes and sometimes, you can see the worms, so that it will be a fool proof way to know if there is insecticide.

Now we have move on to hydro-ponic ways of growing vegetables, we get better vegetables, but we pay a high price....

Zackling, are you ready to pay a high price for what you want?

[Zackling]

Gentlemen,

Thanks for all the kind comments & remarks & even advices.

Someone have saw my similar ad in trevvy.com & informed me that I am his type of guy that he's been trying to find all these times.

So tonight 05/11/2007, I am meeting him to celebrate his birthday which I found it a coincidences upon our first meeting and he's a kind gentleman, slim built & 39 yrs old & a bachelor who is seeking to settle down with the guy of his dreams.

So thanks.

I believe there will be more guys looking at my ad as my email was flooded with spanks & kisses by tons of guys in trevvy.com

Zackling

[IkuTube]

There's a quote that goes:

"I get what I am looking for. I found the 10-acre lot because I was looking for the 10-acre lot."

And:

"What I can hold in my heart, I can have it in my hands."

Basically, what you had done was to trigger some life mechanisms. First, you emptied your past conditioning and, in the law of vacuum, you filled it with freshness of new desires. You, faithfully, just knew what you wanted and you made yourself to be the choice maker.

Subconsciously, when you reflected on each of your ideals, you wished for a course of change. It is only when you have envisioned to see the potentials that, most of the time, success will greet you unexpectedly.

Life is such. What you give out is what you get back. When you think you can, you can. It's the connectedness of vibration and attraction. In the same manner, when we think we cannot, we cannot. When we think of hate, we become hateful; when we think of negative, we become negative.

The ultimate reunion with our Mr Right lies, and in many cases, after a series of ups and downs. There will be trials and tribulations but their existence is about to make us wiser in knowing what we are truly looking for. Importantly, you just have to go on believing, and to advance confidently, with your convictions.

Do enjoy your meeting tonight, Zackling. It will be your faith that will make things right. Quoting James Allen:

"The vision that I glorify in my mind,

The ideal that I enthrone in my heart,

This I will build by my life,

And this I will become."

PS: And do remember, and keep staying with, BW Forum after you get hitched!

[Zackling]

First of all I like to thanks IkuTube, Asura, OralB, nvms, D.O.M & gachi_muchi. I thanks all of you for the advice & words of wisdom. I'll be careful for tonight & I shall make my right choice before I jumped into anything.

IkuTube, I am falling in love with your command of English.. it can make me melt instantly.

I know that in life, nothing will be smooth, there will be bound to have it's own ups & downs. Whether I get hitched or not, I'll always keep in touch with BW members at all time as I understand that many of you're already couples. I would love to join you all for one day of fine dining & wining session with all of you to let you all meet up with me in person.

Thanks alot.. all of you.

[oralb]

Zack, how was the meeting with that slim guy, any development?

[Zackling]

ok.. I was supposed to meet up with him.. that slim guy so claimed to be 39 yrs old.. when I approached him.. he turned out to be a 40+ yrs old gentleman.. I turn him down flat on the spot as he ain't my type.. the feelin wasn't there.. we didn't proceed further after hi & bye..cos he is not sincere in the first place & he lied abt his age as well.

[oralb]

i see, however, age wasnt part of the criteria, wasnt it.

also on the lying on the age, some people looked older than his age and some people looked younger, did you confirm with him?

personally i was rather taken aback by your approach, the feeling wasnt there and you didnt even bother to have a coffee with him? I meant take it as knowing a friend and maybe you can see more about him than skin deep...

[IkuTube]

i see, however, age wasnt part of the criteria, wasnt it.

also on the lying on the age, some people looked older than his age and some people looked younger, did you confirm with him?

personally i was rather taken aback by your approach, the feeling wasnt there and you didnt even bother to have a coffee with him? I meant take it as knowing a friend and maybe you can see more about him than skin deep...

Have an open mind whenever we have agreed to meet someone, especially from the net. Oralb is right to point out that one should "take it as knowing a friend and maybe you can see more about him than skin deep...".

Pardon me for highlighting this, but you need to honour your judgement when you first agreed to meet up with him, Zackling.

So tonight 05/11/2007, I am meeting him to celebrate his birthday which I found it a coincidences upon our first meeting and he's a kind gentleman, slim built & 39 yrs old & a bachelor who is seeking to settle down with the guy of his dreams.

Opportunities lie with every chances that we give to ourselves. Question is, are we going to slip them away just because we concluded it does not look good at the exterior?

Anyway, do look ahead. One failure does not mean an end to your search.

[Zackling]

I'll improved on this mistake of mine. Thank u IkuTube & OralB

[shirokun7777]

Opportunities lie with every chances that we give to ourselves.  Question is, are we going to slip them away just because we concluded it does not look good at the exterior?

Anyway, do look ahead.  One failure does not mean an end to your search.

Dear Oralb,

What you said kind of reminded me of a line out of Ally McBeal the sitcom. The John Cage character was admonishing Ally. I can't remember the exact line but it went something like this.

He said, "The way you use your opportunities is extravagant and appalling. You think there is going to be chances after chances for you. what makes you think there is no limit to the flow of that?" ... or something to that effect.

And that hit me. Each time we chicken out instead of giving a chance to the both of us at a shot at something possibly awesome, we simply lose that "unique" opportunity. Sure, another one might come along. But really, we will never know the actual opportunity cost of that lost chanced connection.

No? Take care.

Hi Zack,

Sorry to hear that your meeting didn't go as planned. All the best to the next one.

[LupCheong]

Another quote from the sitcom Ally Mcbeal

"If you wanna end up with the right person, you've got to make it happen..."

[Zackling]

I'm still on the lookout for the right guy and hopefully that the right guy I am seeking for.. will make his first move on me.. anyway, guys, I really glad that I've all of you as my friends or "sisters" towards me. Thank you to all of u

[DirtyOldMan]

I'm still on the lookout for the right guy and hopefully that the right guy I am seeking for.. will make his first move on me.. anyway, guys, I really glad that I've all of you as my friends or "sisters" towards me. Thank you to all of u

I think you can make it happened, by doing alot of things e.g. dress-up well, good hair style, sense of humor, how you carry your self e.g. way you take etc. to make it more sexy or impressive. Then you can practise a few Feng Sui if you believe in it. Try to expose your self as much as possible, what is your type, by the way ?

[poopoo78]

People changes as time passes, a friend actually said this

[Zackling]

PEOPLE.. HEAR YEE HEAR YEE.. I AM NO LONGER ATTACHED & READY FOR A NEW LTR !!!

[westcampus]

If I want to find someone to have a stable relationship, How should I go for it?

Clubbing? (I don't club often)

or

Website? but all seek sex

Maybe its just my luck, not my time yet...

[tic-toc]

Is there really an answer to such a question? Well, if there is, I want to know. I am desperate leow.

[westcampus]

Is there really an answer to such a question? Well, if there is, I want to know. I am desperate leow.

How desperate are you ehh

Then will it difficult to have a bunch of nice gay friends

[oralb]

first you must know what you are looking for.

So what's your definition of Mr Right?

[happy.99]

just go with the flow. the very first most important thing is to get out and meet more people. also have in mind what your mr right is but however having said that, no one will fit the bill 100%.

a lot of other thing you have to consider is people hide their ugly side during the first few meet up. you got to be alert and look out for signs.

Edited March 24, 2010 by happy.99

[Guest danite]

wonder whether there's a same sex matching agency around

[Guest amidst_the_stars]

Just wondering, What are the qualities you guys are looking for in a boyfriend? Stuff that really draws you to him and also touches u deeply. And i dun believe that looks don't matter becuz in a way it does but in different extents for each individual. Anyway have a Happy V Day and may u get to meet a potential love for those who are into ltr.

[waterballoon]

haha i only have 4 "criteria"

1) nice smile

2) click-able personality

3) look decent to me

4) don't be as fat as me

[suckmenao]

1. Decent, pleasant look, averagely handsome in a manly way would be best. No fancy hairstyle/hair colour.

2. Average/toned/muscular build, taller than me would be good, no need for sixpack but he can't look like a pregnant woman either.

3. No body odor, no bad breath, no athlete's feet, smooth/a bit hairy is fine, no king kong.

4. 30+ years old would be best, but the wallets of 40+ and 50+ are fatter. So how?

5. Has a career/owns business, a life, alive too, a bit less intellectual than I am/he can be smart in the male brain way, can handle me when I'm being a psycho bitch, don't mind picking up the bills, good BJ giver, awesome fxxker, at least once a day. Thrice on weekends. Cute in many ways and helplessly unromantic. No drama.

[Guest amidst_the_stars]

1. Decent, pleasant look, averagely handsome in a manly way would be best. No fancy hairstyle/hair colour.

2. Average/toned/muscular build, taller than me would be good, no need for sixpack but he can't look like a pregnant woman either.

3. No body odor, no bad breath, no athlete's feet, smooth/a bit hairy is fine, no king kong.

4. 30+ years old would be best, but the wallets of 40+ and 50+ are fatter. So how?

5. Has a career/owns business, a life, alive too, a bit less intellectual than I am/he can be smart in the male brain way, can handle me when I'm being a psycho bitch, don't mind picking up the bills, good BJ giver, awesome fxxker, at least once a day. Thrice on weekends. Cute in many ways and helplessly unromantic. No drama.

Am really curious but, whats your age range and what do u do anyway(studying/working). But i am amused by ur no fancy hairstyle/hair colour rule lol.

[browncow]

Maybe, instead of putting out "what you seek" in others, one could put out "what one is able to give"?

So instead of criteria i have for the other person, list the qualities that you possess that probably would help others to check you out too.

[Guest amidst_the_stars]

Maybe, instead of putting out "what you seek" in others, one could put out "what one is able to give"?

So instead of criteria i have for the other person, list the qualities that you possess that probably would help others to check you out too.

I get what you mean. However, this thread is just for pple to put out casual thoughts on what attracts and moves them about a guy. It's no strict listing of critieria on what they must want in a bf. And i think its abit pointless to list one's own qualities here,because what you perceive urself as might not be what the other parties see you as. And some people overrate themselves if u get what i mean.

[browncow]

I get what you mean. However, this thread is just for pple to put out casual thoughts on what attracts and moves them about a guy. It's no strict listing of critieria on what they must want in a bf. And i think its abit pointless to list one's own qualities here,because what you perceive urself as might not be what the other parties see you as. And some people overrate themselves if u get what i mean.

Hrmm yeah of course. i was putting out my thoughts too. Cuz i've seen too much of those who list out super incredulous criteria, of which they fail to look at themselves in the mirror.

Cuz for me, I look at myself first and ask "which part of me would one like?"

[Guest amidst_the_stars]

Hrmm yeah of course. i was putting out my thoughts too. Cuz i've seen too much of those who list out super incredulous criteria, of which they fail to look at themselves in the mirror.

Cuz for me, I look at myself first and ask "which part of me would one like?"

Yeah well why i dun put out my own qualities is because i dun really want to do a self-promotion n i am uncomfortable about this kind of thing.

For me, I really would fall for a guy who really can give me security, is taller than me and and has a strapping build(makes me feel protected), has a love-hate r/s with me and is taciturn and gruff with moments of vulnerability.

Thats what i can think of right now from the top of my head.

Edited February 14, 2011 by amidst_the_stars

[Guest guest]

to choose a bf . will u choose a handsome one or a ugly one with a kind heart? a handsome bf that look like nat ho. i think every nite have to worry.

[darkflame]

Sometimes it's looks, sometimes it's personality.

And sometimes it's a combi.

The spark is very important.

[Guest Ugly duckling]

If you choose the good looking one, he may look ugly as he ages or his ugly personalities may show over time. Than the relationship can become quite ugly.

I know of a straight colleague who is not very attractive at first sight. I don't find him appealing as a bf. But after working with him for quite sometime and sometime we pee together, I began to notice a pleasant side of him. I like him not because of his look but because of his confident, his helpfulness. Than an ugly person suddenly became my quiet fantasy and I wish he is mine. Life is just so unprettable isn't it.

I guess it takes time to like a person and I would say, 1 - 2 years is enough to test the true feelings.

[PaterTenebrarum]

It's a combination of everything, actually.

Looks arent everythiung. Ive met some really good looking guys who are very pleasing to the eyes only to find out that they have the personality of a kumquat.

[briax]

It's a combination of everything, actually.

Looks arent everythiung. Ive met some really good looking guys who are very pleasing to the eyes only to find out that they have the personality of a kumquat.

Well, I have attempted to date this very nice looking and sweet guy for three times. Trying very hard to see if he could maintain a conversation. To put it in a very cruel manner, he has the depth of cut out standee which you see outside those photo developing shops. Very nice to look at but empty on the back.

It depends on your needs... There is no one size fits all answer. You can think you are shallow by just looking for the good lookers, but if that is something you can live with, no one can fault you.

[SwimVibe]

There are always good looking, good hearted and loyal guys around. Just that its rare and most ppl still base on the outer look first before they explore their way in. Some ppl are simply whores and just look on the outside and regardless how bad the person is on the inside, those whores just dont care.

[lovehandle]

r u refering to yourself as good heart and good looking?

[Phil]

It's a combination of everything, actually.

Looks arent everythiung. Ive met some really good looking guys who are very pleasing to the eyes only to find out that they have the personality of a kumquat.

I totally agree. The topic is not "how to choose a good f..k." It must be a mix of different criteria, variable according to each individual taste. And I think you don't "choose" a bf the same way as you choose a pair of shoes or a tie. In fact, I'm not sure you "choose" at all; it's a progressive development of mutual attraction, which should lead you to "keep" your product longer than your shoes...forever if possible!

[firereaver]

If you choose the good looking one, he may look ugly as he ages or his ugly personalities may show over time. Than the relationship can become quite ugly.

I know of a straight colleague who is not very attractive at first sight. I don't find him appealing as a bf. But after working with him for quite sometime and sometime we pee together, I began to notice a pleasant side of him. I like him not because of his look but because of his confident, his helpfulness. Than an ugly person suddenly became my quiet fantasy and I wish he is mine. Life is just so unprettable isn't it.

I guess it takes time to like a person and I would say, 1 - 2 years is enough to test the true feelings.

I soo can relate to this. Felt this way many times.