What Qualities To Look For In A Boyfriend + Seeking Love & Choosing The Right One (Compiled)

[Prince_A]

Haha... I think you are too kind when u say I'm trying to strike a balance! I can get used to that! Lolx! But I feel that it's really me being a control freak and my insecurity issues.. =P

[Guest Thaiboyz]

We know that looks are subjective and shouldn't be judgmental based on looks alone. However it does play an important role initially to create sparks to enable interested parties to move forward to get to know a person better. If a guy who doesn't suit our eyes at the sight, most of us won't show much interest to converse with him.

I think my other half shld be appealing to my eyes and of cos with good personality. He might not be having a super model look with a great bod, but his overall package scores well above those with looks. Tats Wat I believe there are elements of love exist rather than lust.

[Guest Guest]

U mean u prefer a gd body than face? Can the guy with elvin ng's bod but mark lee or dasmond koh's face?

Aiyoh, he likes prawn lah. Pls respect his choice leh

Mark is a talented actor/comedian. I had met him at the shaw lido. He was right in front of me ordering his meal from Long John Silver. He turned around & I had a good look at his face...............................................

For me, face is the 1st impression. The rest such as bod, persoality, character, cock, asshole, etc are secondary.

[Guest Marad44]

... I can get used to that! Lolx! But I feel that it's really me being a control freak and my insecurity issues.

Prince_A, tone down a bit on the control freak part, you will make good choice for guys looking for an efficient partner!

[imchaser]

Inner beauty and beauty on the inside? Yes, im sure u have adorable intestines and a beautiful pancreas.

[Allegro]

Good looks is subjective, people have different taste, but it definitely plays a part.

Who wouldn't want a partner whose looks can turn you on?

Of course "inner beauty" is just as important, but I feel that that most importantly there must be 缘分.

Edited February 21, 2012 by Allegro

[Prince_A]

Prince_A, tone down a bit on the control freak part, you will make good choice for guys looking for an efficient partner!

Hahaha... How can u even tell that I'm efficient?? Hmmm... Toning down.. Anyone looking for 'efficient' bf here? Lolx!!! =P

[fortiplus+]

Anyway, who doesn't like good physique - it's part of the "looks" no? But physique tends to fade faster than looks...hahah

Well 2 me, the test of true luv is tat he will still luv u as much even when ur 6 pecs turn into 1

[orca888]

Well 2 me, the test of true luv is tat he will still luv u as much even when ur 6 pecs turn into 1

That's so true...hahah

Let you in on a little secret - my ex- did all he could to turn my six into one cos he was feeling insecure...

And every time I wanted to regain my physique, he started to get paranoid...sigh

Then again, he always preferred chubs...hahah

[Magicerife]

does "love's blind" answer the question?

[Guest Ian]

Question:

what if he's +. or have other small case but permanent conditions?

[alien]

Aiyoh, he likes prawn lah. Pls respect his choice leh

Mark is a talented actor/comedian. I had met him at the shaw lido. He was right in front of me ordering his meal from Long John Silver. He turned around & I had a good look at his face...............................................

For me, face is the 1st impression. The rest such as bod, persoality, character, cock, asshole, etc are secondary.

U r rite, although many pple said face not very impt, and inner beauty is more impt. But like u said, face is the first impression, if u dun even like or comfortable with the 1st impression. Dun think u will be interested to explore further & deeper.

[doncoin]

I will be lying if I say looks don't matter. Of course looks matter. Being male, we are very visually stimulated. Having said that, a good looking guy with a nice bod will usually get my attention. However, after 5 minutes of conversation, if I find the person intolerable, I usually will dismiss him. Good looks can only take you so far, i.e. open the door, but after that, it comes down to personality to keep the relationship going.

[TheVisitors]

Well 2 me, the test of true luv is tat he will still luv u as much even when ur 6 pecs turn into 1

Let me further this statement

The true test of luv , can be only verify, even if he becomes a 300 pound Sus scrofa domesticus, you won't fantasize about other hunks when you have sex with him, you wouldn't stare at other hunks and get hardons behind his back, you don't masturbate while he is asleep, still have quickies behind his back

People can tell me, time after time that after 5, 10 , 15 or 20 yrs together, they are still the best loving perfect couples and I say this a biggest crap lie i have after heard.

One moment they can boast about themselves, the next moment, one of them will be getting hardons looking at hunks, or suggest threesome with a stranger., while they know too well themselves, that they are stuck with a 300 pound Sus scrofa domesticus....probably for life. Which is almost like a death sentence, if you think about it.

We humans, regardless being male female, straight or gays, somehow have very visual appetite need in us, that we need to feel some sort of pleasant sensual physical gratification from another, to feel good about ourselves.

This appetitite may be less in others, but overall, no humans can escape from this 3 dimemnsion visual, curse.

In this fast lane physical judgemental world, no one is really that kind anymore, to even bother to stop and see whats inside of you.

No one really stop to appreciate the igredients inside you store inside. for it has become a- quick- to- judge- fast-food-pick -up joint, for them to sink their teeth in you quickly and have a taste of your juice inside.

For those who states inside is really important, are still guilty of judging others from the outside.

People are not always what they appear from what they say, claimed to have said , claimed to have done or will do

So if you still can say looks are not important, then I am sure you would still love your 300 pound bf, and still find him sexually attractive without those perks , or being distracted/aroused by those perks.

I hope your conscious is still clear, should you go heaven one day, if there is one.

The true test of love, is not to even abandoning your love ones, should they be stricken with HIV, or striken with a genetic disease that will, eventually deformed them, but to be with them, till the end of time.

Love is just love, for it doesn't discriminate, whats inside from the outside, or vice versa

Edited February 21, 2012 by TheVisitors

[trumpboyer86]

That's so true...hahah Let you in on a little secret - my ex- did all he could to turn my six into one cos he was feeling insecure... And every time I wanted to regain my physique, he started to get paranoid...sigh Then again, he always preferred chubs...hahah

mine too... dont think he will like it when i get a better body, he is trying to feed me~

[Guest FattChoy88]

Looks matter.

If I'm with someone average, I will look at other bears.

If I'm with a handsome bear now (and he's really gorgeous and a perfect gentleman), I still look at other bears... Doesnt matter if they are less attractive than him.

I just can't help it.

The only place looks does not matter is in the darkroom of a sauna.

That's why I don't dig that, cos it doesn't have any visual input to stimulate the horniness part of my brain.

[Exynos]

That's so true...hahah

Let you in on a little secret - my ex- did all he could to turn my six into one cos he was feeling insecure...

And every time I wanted to regain my physique, he started to get paranoid...sigh

Then again, he always preferred chubs...hahah

eh intro ur ex to me leh hahahaha

[Guest Individual]

First impression counts, just like good looking and presentable people catches our attention wherever we go. Then there is this wish to know them better.

If there is this opportunity to get to know people who are not so outstanding in appearance and they really have great charisma and personalities, their charm surpass the good appearance ones.

It boils down to individual preferences.

[Guest Guest]

Good looks is subjective, people have different taste, but it definitely plays a part.

Who wouldn't want a partner whose looks can turn you on?

Of course "inner beauty" is just as important, but I feel that that most importantly there must be 缘分.

Subjective or not, you go to any gay saunas and count how many are considered good looking. Very small percentage. Yet most gays go for looks. End result is, well we all keep on looking and looking to no end. Then the same gays will keep moaning that there are no good men left who look beyond exteriors.

Best example is when you go to Grindr or Scruff and say you only looking for friendship. If you put a sexy pic, many will want sex without bothering about u looking for friendship. If you put a plain pic, not even those who also say looking for friendship will bother to talk to you. Mind you, it is talk only and looks is so important.

That is the reality of gays, superficial . Sometimes quite scary. Makes me want to turn straight. I have given up on gays already. I'll rather JO or watch pxxn then to go looking for gay friends. Very very few sincere gays around. To meet one is like striking lottery.

[Guest Blaidd_drwg]

This can be explained from an economic sense.

In a world where people rarely have complete information, where one side will always have more information than the other, there is a mechanism to help both sides make rational decisions and that mechanism is called signalling.

So, what does beauty signal to us? It signals:

- health status

- standards

- wealth

and it also yields us a utility/happiness through an inflated ego; ones ability to attract sweet young things (or a gay type of your preference)

Now, in the short-run of the dating game, we don't know the person we are dating, we have no information. The signals I have mentioned earlier come into play at this point of time as an "impression". And from the first impression, we set an initial level of relationship tolerance with the person.

In the long-run, as we get to know a person more and complete the set of information we intend to seek out like:

- ability to stay loyal

- trust

- understanding

- common interest

- personality traits

these aspects will slowly supplant the initial signalling traits and will help us gauge our relationship level with the person.

For those who have trouble with this concept, here is a more intuitive approach:

Take for example, you wish to buy a second-hand car. You want to get a good car. But you won't know if the car has the risk of being problematic.

The car dealer has an interest to make a profit out of you regardless of the car condition. But who has more information about the car? The dealer of course.

So how to solve this biased information? The dealer must assure you a mechanic's certificate and a warranty (things which looks good and help you make a better decision). Then, you are confident to buy from the dealer your new second-hand car. This is the short-run.

If the dealer is trustworthy and does good business with you, in the long run, it is a benefit for both of you as repeated transactions are conducted.

In conclusion, looks are important, in the short-run (it is ingrained in rational decision-making). In the long-run, looks are supplanted by other informational aspects which are more sustainable, and less superficial.

[Guest Marad44]

There is a lack or absence of an older generation of gay couples to serve as role-models to the next generation in the process of mate-selection, unlike in the heterosexual communities. Young gays are missing good examples of older couples to learn the importance of a balanced evaluation of looks and other attributes in partnership.

Also, in her assessment of a male partner, the heterosexual female sizes up the man for his ability to produce and raise sturdy children. This compelling requirement missing in gay partnership, could shroud sensible thinking and tip the balance in favor of excessive importance being given to the physical.

Methinks...

Edited February 22, 2012 by Marad44

[fortiplus+]

That's so true...hahah

Let you in on a little secret - my ex- did all he could to turn my six into one cos he was feeling insecure...

And every time I wanted to regain my physique, he started to get paranoid...sigh

Then again, he always preferred chubs...hahah

haha... 2 him a chub="good look" n u try to show him ur "ugly" 6-pex!?

serve u rite! ;P

[fortiplus+]

Let me further this statement ....The true test of love, is not to even abandoning your love ones, should they be stricken with HIV, or striken with a genetic disease that will, eventually deformed them, but to be with them, till the end of time.

dun tink i can disagree with u much! 2 me tis is true luv at the highest level.... makes the 300pd bf look light-wt!

ya..."till death do us part"; wish i cld find tat someone to say tat vow!

[tanweien]

Looks can be one of the main cause of inequality, just like gender differences..

Which leads to loneliness.. Have experience alot of times, esp when i am a chub, no matter how sincere you are though..

But i always believe that we are all born with our looks, and there is nothing we can do about it, can we?

BUt what we can do about, is our inner self, which i believe is difficult to cultivate..

Gals are deemed as materialistic when they look for rich guys.. what about guys who go only for looks?

[fortiplus+]

does "love's blind" answer the question?

hmmm...if "blind" how to see the "look" leh?

in fact, once u accept the "look", ur eyes shd open up bigger to see his "soul"!

n "soul" does not mean oni the "inner-beauties"...in fact, i always try 2 see as much of his "inner-oddities". it's oni then u can know how much u can accept his whole package, including his imperfections!

[TheAntisen]

Genes vs Someone who makes an effort.

You can be blessed with a perfect combination of genes, but if you don't look after yourself you're gonno come off as unattractive.

Usually I don't care much about their bone structure or how big their eyes are. It's whether they make an effort to look good that matters most. If you are blessed with good looks and use it to your advantage? Great.

But when you're looking for a long term relationship, you'll be smart enough to dismiss a pretty face for a personality that you can connect better with.

The thing that turns me off in a relationship isn't the face. It is either negativity, awkwardness, or being egotistical. However that doesn't mean you will dismiss entirely because sex still plays quite a big factor in a relationship whether you like it or not. It's a case by case type of thing, the moral of the story is that you should always put in hard work to make yourself look better.

Edited February 24, 2012 by TheAntisen

[Guest hello]

i am superficial. i find looks important. my partner must be at least above average looking.

in return, i take great care of my looks. if other hot guys do not wanna associate with me cos i am not hot enough in their eyes, it is okay with me, because i am superficial in the first place.

Same.I am superficial too. Looks do play a part. For me,looks 50% and personality 50%. Like you,if guys hotter than

me refuse me,I don't mind.And I refuse guys who are not hot enough for me too.Refusal means I tell them that

I am not interested in them,we can be friends but won't be a couple.

[orca888]

Same.I am superficial too. Looks do play a part. For me,looks 50% and personality 50%. Like you,if guys hotter than

me refuse me,I don't mind.And I refuse guys who are not hot enough for me too.Refusal means I tell them that

I am not interested in them,we can be friends but won't be a couple.

I think we are hardwired to be attracted to good looks - all animals are...hahah

But good looks only can do so much - there must be more than just looks to sustain a relationship...

Anyway, to me, I look at the overall package - personality, character and most important - chemistry

Just like buying a car - the aesthetic look will draw us in...the rest of the car will have to wow us...unless of course, it's just a trophy car and the buyer is a poser

[orca888]

haha... 2 him a chub="good look" n u try to show him ur "ugly" 6-pex!?

serve u rite! ;P

Hahah - guess there was a mis-match there then...sigh

[Exynos]

Really, good looks just helps in getting more people interested in you. It's like telemarketing; you get more sales when you make more calls. So if you're hot/good-looking, obviously more people will fly to you, but does that mean it helps to get you a boyfriend? Not necessarily so.

Think about how many guys you have on your Skype/MSN/Whatsapp who rave on you "Omg you're so hot, I wanna have sex with you. Hehe you're really cute.", and then the conversation just ends there.

Good looks bring you the fish. But it rarely helps you to cook the fish, unless you like sashimi that is

[Guest lg]

Same.I am superficial too. Looks do play a part. For me,looks 50% and personality 50%. Like you,if guys hotter than

me refuse me,I don't mind.And I refuse guys who are not hot enough for me too.Refusal means I tell them that

I am not interested in them,we can be friends but won't be a couple.

Those of us who have it, flaunt it at bars, saunas, Scruff, Grindr Most are extroverts.Those who don't, hide behind pics of scenery,flowers etc and BW. Most are introverts and afraid to meet others.

[allmyimages2020]

The looks is what can get me interested in the first place - and if a ONS, that is a plus point prior to sex :-). A LTR with someone whose looks I DO NOT like is a no-no! My partner of the past three decade is a good looker :-)

[thaiboyz]

I have met several encounters with guys who were keen in starting a relationship. Like wat others said, the other parties must be at least comfortable in sight. I came across guys with different looks, range from above and below average. Well, i should say it was interesting to know them as friends but when we considered to take a step further, we gave it a second thought. Perhaps the chemistry didnt strong enough to usher us into a relationship. Most of the time, we hauled and clarified our stands. We remained as friends. When my bf approached me initially, there was no special feeling towards him. I treated him as a causal friend. He has initiated several outings and trying to express his feelings. I pretend not to acknowledge as i thought it was premature to discuss about any form of relationship after few outings. He is an average looking guy. He didnt attract my attention during a friend's gathering. He caught me up after he saw my profiles in a website and our correspondence progress. He has a tough time with my coldness and indifferences over watever he has done for me. However, over the time his sincerity and honesty won my feelings. He showered me with care and love. Gradually, i started to know him as a person with good heart and personality. I have accepted him to be part of me now. Good looks no doubt would capture attentions, its only a temporary attraction. It has to couple with other factors to make a person attractive and lovable. Yes, i do agree tat many of us judge others by looks and its sad to say tat those who have below average looks but fabulous inner beauty are normally not given a chance. Perhaps to this group of people, i would like to let them know its not the end of everything, patience and determination will win someone's heart utimately. Dun give up on love

Edited February 25, 2012 by thaiboyz

[Guest Marad44]

... over the time his sincerity and honesty won my feelings...

thaiboyz, you summed it up well. Not only he but you too win admiration for turning the initial dismissal of him to seeing through his superficial attributes.

...Teach us who waits best sues;

Who longest waits of all most surely wins.

When Time is spent, Eternity begins.

To doubt, to chafe, to haste, doth God accuse

The Victory of Patience

Helen Hunt Jackson (1830-1885)

USA

Edited February 25, 2012 by Marad44

[Guest Cute Exec]

First, pleasant good looking.

Second, body height and built.

Third, his attitude and heart.

Last, his wealth.

[orca888]

First, pleasant good looking.

Second, body height and built.

Third, his attitude and heart.

Last, his wealth.

I agree with the first three points...hahah

As for the last point - nah...

It will never feature in my choice of guy...

My current squeeze comes from a humble background

[Guest Marad44]

Having gone on is years and seen the importance of healthy wealth as a pillar in relationship, I would be concerned for young people who do not start factoring finance into mate-selection early in the process. It appears to be an ignored piece in the gay culture by and large and the cause of financial loss from partnerships hatched on looks. Role models come out of couples who practice balance and the gay world could be lagging behind the hetero world in this department.

[greysuperhero]

So true what everyone has brought up so far.

I think looks matter a lot, honestly. IMO, in the initial stages, looks matter a great deal.

Inner beauty i.e character/personality etc matters too, but since it takes time to get to know one's character, I suppose it does not factor so much in the initial stage.

So yea, looks are important.

[snowbeef]

Anyway, who doesn't like good physique - it's part of the "looks" no?

My idea is that looks fades over time but you can still have good physique as long as you put in more efforts to maintain it as you age

But physique tends to fade faster than looks...hahah

[Guest Guest]

Yes, looks and body matters. That doesn't mean those who don't have it are always sincere nice guys.

If I get involved with a plain looking guy plg, and then get dumped by him, I will feel so used for my body to satisfy his carnal appetite.

There are so many admirers who say such sweet things to get you in bed. I am terrified to see that lusty looks in their eyes. If I am cautious, they say I play hard to get. If I am accommodating, they think I am a cheap slut. Either way, it is all about sex and that ends as soon as after they got you in bed.

If I don't show my face or body, they will ignore me. Once they got my pics, they start acting so nice and sincere. Why the change except they want sex only.

Gays are so superficial, I rather turn straight.

[Exynos]

Gays are so superficial, I rather turn straight.

you really think girls are any better? lol

[Guest Guest]

you really think girls are any better? lol

I had dated gals b4. Dine & wine plus roses. I like pretty gals with nice personality. But i could not tahan the nagging & the control freaks in them.

I like a cute face more than a handsome face on a guy. A cute guy looks very different in his 30s/40s/50s, more manly, sexy & charismatic.

Body, secondary. But if got nice shoulders, guns & pecs, better still.

Must be intelligent(i dated some guy who ate with one leg up like PCK in public space ).

I also look for other talents like culinary skills, muscial abilities, etc(even more sexy if he's manly & straight-acting).

ButI find having a LTR with a guy a bit 'weird'. I would prefer 'close male-bonding'

So I guess having a relationship with myself is the only option lah.

[Exynos]

I had dated gals b4. Dine & wine plus roses. I like pretty gals with nice personality. But i could not tahan the nagging & the control freaks in them.

girls can be monsters! hahaa

[Guest Guest]

girls can be monsters! hahaa

Yes, Vagina like haiory alien with the power to suck u into the abyss & also fracture your cock. Ouuch.....

Waterballoon son, who is that boy boy nxt to you? ur wife or husband?

How cum never introduce to gay papa bear?

Papa must inspect the 'hardware', u know?

[Exynos]

Yes, Vagina like haiory alien with the power to suck u into the abyss & also fracture your cock. Ouuch.....

Waterballoon son, who is that boy boy nxt to you? ur wife or husband?

How cum never introduce to gay papa bear?

Papa must inspect the 'hardware', u know?

who are u? hahahaha been seeing this "papa bear" persona , it's interesting.

[TheVisitors]

You don't really have to look very far to answer this question about the importance of looks.

If a newbie suddenly appears, and his dp pic/looks/bod appeal to the masses' taste, you will realize, in a very short span of time, people will agree willingly, or response too quicky, what he posted, even it doesn't make much sense, or add any value to your thoughts,

The most visible evidence is, within a very short span of time, he has so many "friends" here. With the numbers of "likes" awarded.

Those who has no dp pic, or appearance less appealing, receives the cold shoulder. Hardly do people reply to his post, even they are intelligent and sensible.

That is why there is such a saying, the good looking and beautiful ones, always gets away with murder, and lies. And if you are not, no matter how honest you are, no one cares a shit what you are saying.

[Guest ilovebeingsuperficial]

You don't really have to look very far to answer this question about the importance of looks.

If a newbie suddenly appears, and his dp pic/looks/bod appeal to the masses' taste, you will realize, in a very short span of time, people will agree willingly, or response too quicky, what he posted, even it doesn't make much sense, or add any value to your thoughts,

The most visible evidence is, within a very short span of time, he has so many "friends" here. With the numbers of "likes" awarded.

Those who has no dp pic, or appearance less appealing, receives the cold shoulder. Hardly do people reply to his post, even they are intelligent and sensible.

That is why there is such a saying, the good looking and beautiful ones, always gets away with murder, and lies. And if you are not, no matter how honest you are, no one cares a shit what you are saying.

humans are soooo superficial. just accept it

[Guest Guest]

who are u? hahahaha been seeing this "papa bear" persona , it's interesting.

Heartless son, i was so the one who impart u our family ancient secret of growing chest hair.

Remember, rubbing XO on your chest?

[Exynos]

Heartless son, i was so the one who impart u our family ancient secret of growing chest hair.

Remember, rubbing XO on your chest?

i remember that post. i just dunno who u are, cos... i mean u never had an account or something, hahaa

[Guest Guest]

looks are good for ONS.

$$$ is vital for LTR.