Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Female TV reporter went to interview a farmer to ascertain the main cause of Mad Cow Disease.

The Lady : " Good evening, Sir. We are here to collect information about the reason that causes Mad Cow Disease.

Do you have any idea what might be the reason ?

The Farmer stared at the reporter and said:

" Do you know that the bull f**ks the cow once a year ? "

The Lady ( getting embarrassed ) :

" Well Sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation

between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease? "

The Farmer : " Well Madam, do you know that we milk the cow four times a day ? "

The Lady : " Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point ? "

The Farmer :

" I am getting to the point Madam.

Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits four times a day, and

f***ing you only once a year, wouldn't you become mad also ? "

[worldangel]

A little boy goes to his Dad and asks : "Daddy , what is Politics?"

Dad says, " Well son, let me try to explain it this way :

I am the head of the family, so call me ' The President '.

Your mother administrates the money, so we'll call her

' the Government '. We are here to take care of your

needs, so we will call you ' the People '. The nanny,

we will consider her to be ' the Working Class '.

And your baby brother, we will call him ' the Future '.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed, thinking about what Dad

has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother

crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the

baby has soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his

mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to

the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the

keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives

up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father,

" Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, " Good, son, tell me, in your own words,

what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, " The President is screwing the

working class while the government is sound asleep.

The people are being ignored, and the future is in deep abcd."

[过客]

That is a good one. But sometimes, it's the president who is sound asleep.

[worldangel]

A couple goes on holiday to a fishing resort at Lakes Entrance. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lakes area, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a fishing inspector in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies thinking "isn't that obvious!"

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and make a report."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman "But I haven't even touched you," says the man. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.............

MORAL OF THE STORY: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think

There are many languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all.

KEEP SMILING

[worldangel]

It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter-in-law arrives in the family, everything changes. Some daughters-in-law are well trained and well mannered. They don't come to change the family, they are there to............

The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech:

"My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said "Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years".

"What do you mean my child?" asked the father-in-law.

"What I mean dad is (looking at her father-in-law) ........ those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked shouldn't stop at my account, and those who used to clean should continue cleaning".

"Then what are you here for?" asked the mother-in-law.

"As for me, my job is to entertain your son!"

END

[worldangel]

Teenage sex:

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying: "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

Pancakes:

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"

"Just take two," Brenda replied. "The rest are for your father."

[worldangel]

Sweetie Bottom

Two gay guys are seating talking when the 1st gay guy mentions that his nickname is "Sweetie Bottom"

2nd gay: "And why is that?"

1st gay: "Well it's because you can put any sweet in my bottom, and I can guess what it is"

2nd gay: "Really? Wow that is amazing! It just so happens I have been looking after my sister’s children today, and have a bag of sweets here! If you want to try it?!"

1st gay: "No problem" he says, and drops his pants down and bends over.

The 2nd gay takes out the bag of sweets, picks one and then places it in his friends butt-hole.

2nd gay: "What's that?!"

1st gay: "Oooh. Hmmm. I think that is a peppermint flavour" he says.

2nd gay: "Correct! Wow. Let’s try another! What’s this one?"

1st gay: "Hmmm. I think that might be a toffee?"

2nd gay: "Spot on! Amazing! How about one more?!"

And with that the 2nd gay puts down the sweets, take off his pants and forces his penis up the 1st gay’s bum.

2nd gay: "What about this?!"

1st gay: "Oooooh. That's a treat!"

Happy Birthday

Two gay guys are going at it. After they finish, one turns to the other and says "Hey, I feel something in my ass ... see if you can feel anything." So his boyfriends puts his finger in his ass and feels around. "I don't feel anything",the boyfriend says. So the first guy says, "No deeper...I'm sure I feel something".

So the boyfriend put his hand in the guy’s ass and feels around. "I'm telling you there is nothing there" says the boyfriend. "No really", the guys says, "I can feel it, look deeper." So the boyfriend puts his whole arm in the guy’s ass and is feeling around when he touches something.

"Hey, I found something,"says the boyfriend. "Well take it out," says the guy. The boyfriend pulls his hand out of the guy’s ass, looks at it and see's it is a Rolex watches. The guy starts singing, "Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you......"

A Week in Hell

A man named Victor dies and goes to hell.

The Devil says to him "Hey Victor, we've been waiting for ya!".

Victor smiles and walks with the Devil and the Devil says "I gotta ask you a couple questions, do you like to smoke?" Victor answers "Ya, I love to smoke." The Devil says "Good, you'll like Mondays we smoke everything cigarettes, cigars, weed everything."

"Now do you like to drink?" Then Victor says "Of course, I love to drink." The Devil replies "Great, we drink everything on Tuesdays you will fit in great."

"Do you like to have sex?" Victor says "Hell ya sex is the best." The Devil smiles and replies "We have sex with every type of woman you could think of on Wednesdays."

And the Devil finally says "Now, are you gay?" Victor frowns and answers "NO, I'm not gay! And the Devil looks down and finishes "Your gonna hate Thursdays."

Gay Problems

Three guys go to see a witch doctor about their problems.

One has a smoking problem, one is an alcoholic and one is gay but wants to change.

The doctor puts a curse on them that if any of them indulge their habits again they will die.

Two days later, the alcoholic dies because he gave in and had to drink.

The next day the gay guy and the smoker are walking down the street together. The smoker sees a cigarette lying on the ground and stops to stare at it.

The gay guy looked at him and said "if you bend over and pick that up we are both fxxked"

[worldangel]

The Barrack’s Door Open

The manager hired a new male secretary. He was young, smart, handsome and polite.

One day while taking dictation, he noticed the manager’s trouser’s zip was open. When he was leaving the room, he courteously said, "Oh, by the way Sir, did you know that your barrack’s door is open?"

The manager did not understand the secretary’s remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling him in, he asked, "By the way Mr Tan, when you saw my barrack’s door open, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was also quite witty, replied, "Why no, Sir. All I saw was a little, disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

Gay Revenge

A man came home just in time to find his boyfriend in bed with another man.

In a total rage, he dragged his lover down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise.

He then secured it tightly and removed the handle.

Next he picked up a hacksaw.

The lover terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?"

The man, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

Confused Bank Robber

Two gay lovers fall on hard times and decided to rob a bank together.

The first gayman plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second gayman in great detail.

The robbery begins.

The first gayman drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the other gayman, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"

"Perfectly," he said.

He goes in the bank while the other waits in the getaway car.

One minute passes, two minutes pass...seven minutes pass - and the first lover is really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open and out he comes. He's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.

About the time he gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.

The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.

As the guys are getting away, the first gayman says "I thought you understood the plan!"

The second lover said, "I did! I did exactly what you said!"

"No, you idiot," he replied. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

Construction Workers

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fxxk is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

[worldangel]

Hard Commando

It was 4:00 in the cool morning at the commando camp, well quite cool & rainy evening, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks.

The drill sergeant walks in and bellows, "This is an inspection! I wanna see you's all formed up outside butt naked NOW!"

So, the soldier's quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks.

The sergeant walked out and yells, "Close up the ranks, conserve your body heat!" So they close in slightly...

The captain comes along with his swagger stick.

He goes to the first soldier and whacks him right across the chest with it. "DID THAT HURT?" he yells.

"No, Sir!" came the reply.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a commando, Sir!"

The captain is impressed, and walks on to the next man.

He takes the stick and whacks the soldier right across the rear.

"Did THAT hurt?"

"No, Sir!"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a Commando, Sir!"

Still extremely impressed, the captain walks to the third guy, and sees he has an enormous erection. Naturally, he gave his target a huge WHACK with the swagger stick.

"Did THAT hurt?"

"No, Sir!"

"Why not?"

"Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!"

A Couple of Whisky Shots

There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.

The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"

The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."

The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.

The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"

The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."

The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.

Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"

The man looks up and says, "Apparently my wife does."

Pussies

This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, "I'd like to buy those two ladies a drink."

The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good."

The man, with a confused look on his face says, "It doesn't matter, I want to buy those women a drink."

The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink."

The women both reply, "It won't do you any good."

The man says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?"

The first lady says, "We're lesbians."

The man replies, "Lesbians? What are lesbians?"

The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick pussies."

The man says, "Bartender, three beers for us lesbians."

[worldangel]

Your lunch, Dear

A gay couple is sharing an apartment. One gay guy is sitting on the couch jerking

off in a brown paper bag. His partner walks into the room ready to go to work and

asks what the hell are you doing?! The other guy replies, "I'm Packing Your

Lunch!!!"

The Gay Bathroom

Two gay guys are in the bathroom pissing in the urinals. One of the

guys looks at the other guy's dick and sees a Nicorette (is a stop

smoking gum) patch on it.

He tells his friend, "Darling, you're supposed to put that on your

shoulder, not your dick."

So the gay friend says, "It's working for me love, I'm down to two butts a day!"

Settle out of Court

Two gay guys are driving down a road and stop at a stoplight. They are rear ended by a truck. The driver of the car, Henri, looks at his friend, Bruce and says "You tell that driver were going to sue him!" Bruce walks back to the truck and looks up at the burly truck driver and says, "We're going to sue you!" The irate truck driver looks down at the gay and says, "Oh kiss my ass!" Bruce turns & excitedly walks back to the car with his hand on his hip. He winks at Henri and says, "I think he wants to settle out of court!"

Nudist Club

A guy applied to join a nudist club. "Exactly what do you do here?" he asked.

"It's quite simple," said the club secretary, "We take off all our clothes and commune with nature."

"Cool," said the guy, "...count me in!!!" So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off.

As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, "Beware of Gays." A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing "Beware of Gays." He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground.

He bent over to read the plaque and it said, "Sorry....You've had two warnings!"

Pony Tail

There were two gay guys living together.

One was more feminine and the other more masculine. The masculine one lacked chest hair and it seemed to become a real problem for him. So, one day he decided to visit the doctor to see why he had no chest hair and if there was something he could do about it.

Well, the doctor said there was nothing wrong with the guy, and really the only thing he could try to stimulate hair growth was to smother Vaseline all over his chest daily and perhaps the skin would become stimulated enough to produce hair.

The masculine gay was elated. He went immediately home and smothered his chest in V-gel. When his partner came home and jumped into bed with him, he felt the Vaseline and asked, "What in the hell are you doing?"

The masculine one explained what the doctor said and waited for comment from his partner. Finally, his partner said, "Don't you think if that was true that you would have a pony tail coming out of your ass by now?"

[worldangel]

Blowing Smoke

Three guys are arrested in an adult sexshops and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand:

"What is your name?" he asked.

"John," the guy answered.

"And why were you arrested?" the judge asked.

"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered.

The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy and called up the next one.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"John," the guy answered.

"Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked.

"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered.

Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, 'This so-called adult sexshop is begining to sound more like a smoking club!' he thought. So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy.

"What's your name?? No wait, let me guess; John." he said.

"No," said the guy, "My name is Smoke."

Unused Lover

A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy.

Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about:"

"Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride. He was hungry, so I brought him home and fed him some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.

His shoes were worn out so I gave him a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style.

He was cold so I gave him that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you.

His trousers were worn out so I gave him a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.

Then as he was about to leave the house, he paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your lover doesn't use anymore?'

"And so, here we are!"

Red Indian Clock

There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse up to it, and finds it’s a Red Indian laying on the ground with his cock sticking out of his pants! The cowboy gets off his horse and asks, "What are you doing?", to which the Red Indian replies, "Me tell time! Penis acts as sundial." The cowboy in disbelief says, "Ok, what time is it?" The Red Indian looks down at his "3:35..." "That's amazing, your right!" the cowboy says in amazement. So he hops onto his horse and keeps going.

Riding along further, he sees the same thing, gets off his horse, and thinking the last Red Indian was a fluke, asks this one the time. The Indian looks down at his "one eyed bandit" and says "4:40". The cowboy is stunned, the time was right again! Shaking his head he hops back onto his horse and rides again.

After riding a while again, he sees yet another Red Indian on the ground with his "bald headed champ" except he was jerking off. The cowboy hops off his horse and says, "And what are you doing?" to which the Red Indian replies, "Me, winding the clock."

[worldangel]

Fifty-Five (55)

A man asked his doctor if there was a test to see to help him determine if he was gay.

The Doctor said "Yes, there is. Please pull down your pants."

The man pulled down his pants, the doctor grabbed his testicles and told him to say 55.

The man said "55."

The doctor then grabbed the man's penis and told him to say 55.

The man said "55."

The doctor then told the man to turn around, and putting a finger in the man's anus he once again told him to say 55.

The man said "1.....2.....3.....4.....5......6.....7......8 ……till 55"

Please unzip my fly

A man walks into a public men's room, His arms are held awkwardly out to his sides, forearms hanging limply, fingers spread apart.

He approaches another man and asks, "Excuse me, but could you please unzip my fly?"

The second fellow is embarrassed, but feels sorry for the stranger, who appears to be crippled. He thinks how humiliating it must be to have to ask for help for something like this, so he complies, unzipping the first man's pants.

Next, the man asks him to hold his penis while he pees. The second guy is even more embarrassed, but does as he is asked.

Finally, the first guy finishes, and the second man starts to put his penis back in his pants.

"Oh, I can take care of that." the first man says, blowing on his fingers. "I think my nails are dry now."

Hymns

The church service was in progress and they passed the collection plate. When the preacher saw a $100.00 bill in the collection plate, he stopped the service and announced "Who ever put the $100.00 bill in the plate please stand up".

A gay guy stood up and said "I did".

The preacher told him "Since you put that money in the plate I would like to let you pick out three hymns."

Excitedly, the gay guy said, "Well I'll take him and him and him."

Three-some

A man walks into a bar for a drink. After some time he notices that there are all men at this particular bar, and with some thought and observation he realizes it must be a gay bar. He quickly finishes his drink and gets ready to leave, but first he heads for the men’s room to take a piss. Upon entering the men’s room to his great surprise he sees three men engaged in triple butt fxxk. The three men are lined up in a row with the guy in the middle getting it in the ass while he is ramming the man in front of him. The man can't believe his eyes and he quickly leaves the restroom and explains to the bartender, "Hey! Three guys are lined up in a row butt fxxking each other in the men’s room!"

The bartender asks, "Was the guy in the middle wearing a blue hat?" "Yeah he was." said the man.

The bartender says, "Yeah...that guy's lucky at cards too."

[worldangel]

Gay Couple in Heaven

There were these two friends, one who was gay, who died in a horrible car accident. They both went to heaven and were standing at the pearly gates when St. Peter met them.

St. Peter asked the first man for a picture of his wife. After looking at the picture, St. Peter asked him if he had ever cheated on her.

The man replied, "I was unfaithful to my wife one time."

St. Peter decided to give the man a station-wagon for him to drive around heaven.

Now it was the second man's turn.

St. Peter asked him for a picture of his wife and then asked if he had ever cheated on her.

The man replied, "Actually I'm gay, but here's a picture of my lover, and I never cheated on him."

St. Peter was very impressed and decided to give the man a Ferrari to drive around heaven.

After a few months in heaven, the two friends met up with each other. The second man was bragging about his Ferrari when the other turned to him and said, "I wouldn't be bragging if I were you. I just saw your lover on a skateboard."

Careful What You Wish For

A gay couple had been partnered for 25 years and was celebrating the 60th birthday of one of them. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

The one who was giving the party said, "We've blown all our money on parties and fine dining and decorating this house, I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world."

The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He had the tickets in his hand.

Next, it was the birthday boy's turn. He paused for a moment, and then with a sly grin said, "Well, I'd like a boyfriend 30 years younger than me."

The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.

Sizing Up the Situation

A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her.

She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?" He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish but from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. And her father is a doctor.

She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is this wonderful girl's name?"

He answers, "Monica Lewinsky."

There is a pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice black boy you were dating last year?"

[worldangel]

MOM'S HOME COOKING

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mum, I have something to tell you: I'm gay."

His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay, doesn't that mean you have oral sex with other men?"

The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mum, that's right."

His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around and WHACKED him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about the taste of my cooking again!"

HAVING MY BABY...

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated.

When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely.

A nurse comes by, and to the gays' delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Brad exclaims. "All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy."

The nurse says, "He's happy now. But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass."

What's its Name?

This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"

The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called 'Nike,' for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers,' because 'It really Satisfies."

The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey buddy, what's the name of your penis?"

The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."

The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?"

The fellow proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"

A little shaken, the customer turns to the fellow on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call your penis?"

The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job 1.' " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"

Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is 'Secret.' Now give me my beer."

The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?"

The customer says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"

[worldangel]

Doctor and Patient

The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!"

Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS."

"Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient.

"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."

Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

My Cock is Orange in Colour

A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange." Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."

Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason.

He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got separated from my boy friend about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, "No. For months, all I listened to was nag, scolding, cursing. God, am I glad to be rid of that old guy." So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.

He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some gay p--no films and munch on potato chips."

Success in Circle

It seems that life goes by resembling somewhat of a bell curve of what is considered successful...

At age 4...success is...not peeing in your pants.

At age 10...success is...making your own meals.

At age 12...success is...having friends.

At age 16...success is...having a driver’s license.

At age 20...success is...having sex.

At age 35...success is...having money.

At age 50...success is...having money.

At age 60...success is...having sex.

At age 70...success is...having a driver’s license.

At age 75...success is...having friends.

At age 80...success is...making your own meals.

At age 85...success is...not peeing in your pants.

[worldangel]

CONFESSION

In a small cathedral a cleaner was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the pastor. The pastor asked the cleaner, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow Mdm Chong is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 Hail Mary's and I'll be right back."

Being the helpful sort, the cleaner agreed. Just as expected the Widow Mdm Chong came into the booth and started her confession. "Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex."

Stunned, the cleaner had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 Hail Mary's would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the cleaner peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the pastor give for oral sex?"

In reply the altar boy said, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."

GETTING IN AN ACCIDENT

A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.

After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a priest. I’m a rabbi.

Just look at our cars.

There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt.

This must be a sign from God!”

Pointing to the sky, he continues, “God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth.”

The priest replies, “I agree with you completely.

This must surely be a sign from God!”

The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, “And look at this!

Here’s another miracle!

My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break.

Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune.”

The priest nods in agreement.

The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi.

The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest.

The priest, baffled, asks, “Aren’t you having any, Rabbi?”

The rabbi replies, “Nah… I think I’ll wait for the police.”

CAREFUL WHEN PLAYING GOLF

Two lesbians were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. One of them finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golfbag and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea." The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.

Shaken, the woman calls out to her partner, "Hey, where's your ball?"

"It's over here in the pussy willows."

She screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"

REAL COWBOY

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied the cowboy.

After a short while he asked her what she was.

"I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women," the young woman said.

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.

A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian

[chubbiee]

guy on bed keep fingering his half asleep partner on the other side of the bed until he couldn't take it anymore & said "dear let's do it!i'm horny already!" guy replied "do what honey ? i'm just trying to wet my finger in order to flip the page of the book i'm reading now."

[dragonboater]

Urgh!..GROSS!!!

[worldangel]

Bill Gates Dies and Goes to Hell

Bill Gates dies and goes to Hell. Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive colloseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.

Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner.

Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.

Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.

"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't!"

"What about the PC?"

"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys!"

"Which three?"

"Control, Alt and Delete!"

[worldangel]

PM Tony Blair, President George Bush and PM John Howard are flying on Air Force One.

Blair looks at Howard, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Howard shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."

Bush says, "Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

The pilot rolls her eyes , looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole world happy."

[worldangel]

Three construction workers, an Australian, a Finn and a Swede, are sitting on a beam on the tenth floor about to have their lunch.

The Australian opens his lunch box and says "Bloody hell - meat pies again! Every day it's bloody meat pies! If I get meat pies again tomorrow, I'm going to jump!"

The Finn opens up his lunch next. "Saatana! Makkara (sausage) again! Always sausages! If I get sausage tomorrow, I'm gonna jump too!"

The Swede is the last to open up his lunch. "Ah crap - meatballs again! Why always meatballs? If I get meatballs tomorrow, I'm going to jump too!"

The next day the Aussie opens his lunch box and it's a meat pie... He jumps to his death.

The Finn opens his lunch box and, yes, it's a sausage. He too jumps to his death.

The Swede opens his lunch and sadly there's a pile of meatballs, so he jumps too.

The three widows of the construction workers are talking at the funeral and the Aussie's wife says "I don't understand. I thought my husband loved meat pies! If he didn't want them he should have said something!"

The Finnish widow says "Same here - I thought my husband wanted sausages! Why didn't he say something?"

The Swede's widow says, "I don't get it... my husband made his own lunch."

[worldangel]

Standing at the pearly gates of heaven, Albert noticed pointing to two paths. One was marked "Women" and the other marked "Men". He took the path assigned to men.

There were two more paths, one marked "Married Men", the other "Unmarried Men". Because Albert had been married he took the corresponding path and then came upon two more gates.

The right-hand gate had a sign that read "Men Who Were Dominated By Their Spouses"; the other gate read "Men Who Were Not Dominated By Their Spouses". The first gate had an endless line of chaps waiting, but only one little guy stood before the second gate.

Albert found this very interesting, so he walked up to the little guy standing all alone and asked, "Why are you standing at this gate, a little guy like you?"

The smallish fellow replied, "I have not any clue. My wife told me to stand here."

[worldangel]

The boy just takes the girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

"What? You're crazy!"

"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."

"No! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..."

"At this time of the night no one will show up..."

"I've already said no, and no!"

"Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you like it too."

"No! I've said no!"

"My love... don't be like that..."

At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in nightgown with her hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake to tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"

[worldangel]

A gay boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a goodlooking prince". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a handsome prince, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a prince, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a handsome prince, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The gay boy said, "Look, I'm a software engineer, I don't have time for a boyfriend relationship, but a talking frog is cool."

[worldangel]

A gay businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous hunk. They exchange brief hellos and he notices he is reading a manual about sexual statistics.

The businessman asks him about it and he replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that Arabs have the longest average penis and Indian men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Matthew. What's yours?"

He coolly replies, "I am Harjit Davindar from Punjabi, India, nice to meet you."

[worldangel]

Three very devout white Catholic ladies are having tea while a black housekeeper straightens up the room.

The first woman tells her friends, “My son is a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

The second woman chirps, “My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him ‘Your Grace’.”

The third proudly says, “My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say ‘Your Eminence’.”

The mutual admiration of the self-satisfied women is interrupted by from voice from across the room. The housekeeper says, “My son is a gorgeous, 6'2," hard-bodied, gay-stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, ‘Oh, my God…’.”

[worldangel]

One day, Ah Choy & Ah Seng were walking down the Chinatown when they saw something in their path.

"Wait!" cried Ah Choy.

"Wat is lat ho?"

"Yah ho! Be carefool lo," warned Ah Seng.

"Wat is it?" They approached the thing and looked at it very closely. "Eee.. look like shit lah!" say Ah Choy.

"Hmmm..smell like shit also!" say Ah Seng after taking a deep breathe.

Ah Choy then poked the thing with his one finger, raised the finger to his lips, tasted it and said, "Tastes like shit!"

Ah Seng pushed his finger right through the thing and stick out his tongue to lick. With confident, he said, "Confirm is shit!"

Then they smiled at each other, "Wah! lucky we didn't step on it."

[worldangel]

A Rabbi is sitting on an aeroplane next to a Korean guy. After they have been flying together in silence for a while, the rabbi leans over and says, "You know, I've never forgiven you Chinese for what you did at Pearl Harbour."

The Korean looks shocked and replies, "What the hell are you talking about?!?!? It was the Japanese the bombed Pearl Harbour, not the Chinese. And besides, I'm not Chinese or Japanese, I'm Korean!"

The Rabbi says, "Korean, Japanese, Chinese, what's the difference?"

A little while later, the Korean man says, "You know, I've never forgiven you Jews for sinking the Titanic." The Rabbi looks confused and mad and says, "What are you talking about? The Jews didn't have anything to do with that! An iceberg sank the Titanic!"

The Korean guy replies, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Spielberg, what's the difference?"

[Guest Monkie]

Two gay guys are going at it. After they finish, one turns to the other and says "Hey, I feel something in my ass ... see if you can feel anything." So his boyfriends puts his finger in his ass and feels around. "I don't feel anything",the boyfriend says. So the first guy says, "No deeper...I'm sure I feel something".

So the boyfriend put his hand in the guys ass and feels around. "I'm telling you there is nothing there" says the boyfriend. "No really", the guys says, "I can feel it, look deeper." So the boyfriend puts his whole arm in the guys ass and is feeling around when he touches something.

"Hey, I found something,"says the boyfriend. "Well take it out," says the guy. The boyfriend pulls his hand out of the guys ass, looks at it and see's it is a Rolex. The guy starts singin, "Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you......"

---------------------------

Three guys go to see a witch doctor about their problems.

One has a smoking problem, one is an alcholic and one is gay but wants to change.

The docter puts a curse on them that if any of them indulge their habits again they will die.

Two days later the alcholic dies because he gave in and had to drink.

The next day the gay guy and the smoker are walking down the street together. The smoker sees a cigarette lying and the ground and stops to stare at ir.

The gay guy looked at him and said "if you bend over and pick that up we are both fxxked"

---------------------------

Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.

First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."

Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"

The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."

---------------------------

What a drag it is getting old...

When I went to the bar tonight, I noticed this old boy about 75-80 years sitting all alone in the corner and he was crying over his cocktail.

I stopped and asked him what was wrong.

He said: "I have a 22 year old lover at home. I met him a month or so ago, right here in this very bar!" He continued; "He makes love to me every morning and then he makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground, brewed coffee."

I said: "Well, then why are you crying?"

He said: "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then he makes love to me half the afternoon."

I said: "Well, so why are you crying?"

He said: "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then he makes love to me until 2:00 am."

I said: "Well, for goodness sakes! Why in the world would you be CRYING!"

And he said: "I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!"

---------------------------

Gay Translator

I want a commitment.

I'm sick of masturbation.

Haven't I seen you before?

Nice ass.

I need you.

My hand is tired.

You're the only man I've ever cared about.

You are the only man who hasn't rejected me.

I'm a Romantic.

I'm poor.

I really want to get to know you better.

So I can tell my friends about it.

It's just orange juice, try it.

3 more shots, and he'll have his legs around my head.

He's kinda cute.

I want to have sex with him till my dick turns blue!

He's not my type.

He won't sleep with me.

I miss you so much

I am so horny that my dog is starting to look good.

I had a wonderful time last night.

Who the hell are you?

Do you love me?

I've done something stupid and you might find out.

Do you 'really' love me?

I've done something stupid and you're going to find out.

I'll give you a call.

I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again.

I've been thinking a lot.

You're not as attractive as when I was drunk.

I think we should just be friends.

You're ugly.

I've learned a lot from you.

Next!!!!

[worldangel]

There was a Japanese who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. There upon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.

The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"

[worldangel]

Chong was studying Engineering in Britain. He soon began missing his fried rice, so one day he walked into a corner Greek store to order a takeaway. But Chong had difficulty rolling his R's and stressing his L's, so when he went into the store, he said, "I want some flied lice."

"What?" said the Greek store owner.

"Flied lice," repeated Chong.

"Hey, listen to this!" the nasty store owner told the others in the shop. "What is it you want, sonny? Say it again."

And Chong said it again, they all laughed. This happened every time Chong went into the store to order fried rice. One day, Chong decided to show them a thing or two, so he spent a whole week practicing. Confidently, he strolled into the Greek store.

"Oh, it's you again. We missed you," said the store owner," said the store owner exaggeratedly. "Now what would you like?"

"Fried Rice, thanks," said Chong.

A stunned silence fell over the store. "What was that again, sonny?" asked the store owner, not sure he heard correctly.

"Fried Rice," repeated Chong.

"I...I... are you sure, you want... what was it?" asked the owner.

Chong was getting exasperated. "Fried rice! Fried rice! What's the matter? Are you deaf, you gleek plick?"

[worldangel]

Moshe and Daniel were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.

"Moshe," asked Daniel "Are there any Jews in China?"

"I don't know," Moshe replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Daniel asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"

"I don't know Sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, Sir. No Chinese Jews."

"Are you sure?" Daniel asked.

"I will check again, Sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

While he was still gone, Daniel said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."

When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."

"Are you really sure?" Daniel asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."

"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but no Chinese Jews!

[worldangel]

Surinder's uncle was booked into an SIA flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an airplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.

When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!"

So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher, who was curious about the food. "Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.

The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"

Then the uncle took out several pieces of chapattis and started feasting. "And what is that dish?" asked the curious American.

"Wheat of India!" replied the uncle proudly.

Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American.

"What is it?" asked the American.

"Sweet of India!" replied the old man.

After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "Pooooooooot!" from the uncle.

"What was that?" asked the American in disgust.

The old man replied coolly, "That's Air India!"

[worldangel]

Ah Beng, Mohammad and Muthu were at sea when they were hijacked by a group of pirates.

The pirates cornered the 3 men and said "Give us all your valuables!" The chief pirate then raised a syringe and added, "Or else we'll inject you with the AIDS virus!"

Mohammad quickly stripped off all his valuables and handed them to the pirates. Satisfied, they threw him into the sea.

Muthu was equally quick to comply with the pirates' wishes. Similarly, he removed his valuables and surrendered them to the pirates. Like Mohammad, he was thrown into the sea.

Finally, it came to Ah Beng's turn. He stared at the pirates and sneered. "You all kee see lah! (go and die!) Inject, inject lah, you'll never get my lolex and my Lui Pittong warret!"

The pirates, showing no mercy, injected Ah Beng with the HIV virus, and robbed him of his precious watch and wallet. They then threw him into the sea with the rest.

In the water, both Mohammad and Muthu commended Ah Beng for his bravery. However, they were pretty perplexed by why he was unafraid of the virus. Grinning, Ah Beng answered, "AIDS I not scared lah, what... I got condom!!!"

[worldangel]

Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients.

He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?" Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!"

The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers. The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..."

At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Ah Seng ah …..! Ah Pa is peeing in the refrigerator again!"

[worldangel]

The story goes that there was this Foreign lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.

The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. She brought her husband to the store...

(please scroll page down)

What were you thinking?

HellOOOooooooOOOooo, her husband speaks English!

[Buaya]

The poor lady should have brought her husband earlier when she is buying the chicken breasts...

[worldangel]

A Singapore English radio station, was holding a live radio segment at a shopping mall. The DJ was hosting a game show where prizes were given away to kids on stage if they could name the opposite gender of animals. The first kid to come on stage was a girl. "What's your name girl & how old are you?"

"My name is Cheryl & I am 8 years old."

"OK, tell me Cheryl, what is the opposite of cow?" "Bull."

"Very good! That's correct. Now here's a Barbie doll for you. Ladies & gentlemen, please give her a round of applause."

The game then continued for the next 15 minutes in a similar fashion with the kids getting all the simple questions correct until it was time for the 10th kid to come on stage. The audience were very impressed with this kid as he was very clever & articulate from the moment he stepped on stage, before being asked, announced, "My name is Johnny. I am 7 years old and I like English, Math & Art. My hobbies are collecting stamps & stickers."

The audience liked him immediately because of his confidence & had started to clap for him. His parents, standing right in front of the stage, were beaming with pride at how smart their son was.

"OK, Johnny, you should know the answer to this question very well. Close 2 eyes also can answer. Tell me, what is the opposite of cock?"

The young boy paused for a moment, scratched his head, moved closer to the microphone & finally answered proudly, "Chee Bai!"

[Guest bearbear]

Did this really happen? If it did really happen and its not fiction than it goes to show singapore radio never learns lah.

When i was in primany school there used to be a great kids radio show on every sunday called happy talk, it was the "Hi-5" for my time.(im 30) and the same thing happen when Victor Khoo ask this questions to a boy caller whom was taking part in the show.

Best part i remembered is that when the small boy said chee bai, Victor Khoo said to the boy " thats not a nice thing to say" and the boy said back " but mommy say that daddy got cock & mommy got Chee......................." (just before the boy can say bai the sponsors radio ad came on) "Fanta, Fanta, My friend Fanta..............."

Believe it it true, it really happen.

cheers

[Buaya]

This is REALLY funny...

:clap:

[worldangel]

Did this really happen? If it did really happen and its not fiction than it goes to show singapore radio never learns lah.

This joke called 'chee bai' was taken from a 'collection of Spore Jokes and Humor', just be cautious as some of them quite nasty and extreme.

http://www.asianjoke.com/singapore.htm

[sotong_sg]

Did this really happen? If it did really happen and its not fiction than it goes to show singapore radio never learns lah.

When i was in primany school there used to be a great kids radio show on every sunday called happy talk, it was the "Hi-5" for my time.(im 30) and the same thing happen when Victor Khoo ask this questions to a boy caller whom was taking part in the show.

Best part i remembered is that when the small boy said chee bai, Victor Khoo said to the boy " thats not a nice thing to say" and the boy said back " but mommy say that daddy got cock & mommy got Chee......................." (just before the boy can say bai the sponsors radio ad came on) "Fanta, Fanta, My friend Fanta..............."

Believe it it true, it really happen.

cheers

Yep. I testify. I heard it too.. I remember it is on a Sunday morning..

Charlie and Victor..

And I had my cassette tape recorder on recording the show..

Now I don't know where it is..

[Guest bearbear]

sotong, we are the same age ah? Victor & Charlie "Happy Talk".

[worldangel]

On her 70th birthday, an old spinnster decides it's time to finnaly get married. Since she has no hot prospects, she decides to run this ad in the local newspaper:

"Seventy-year young virgin seeks husband. Must be in same age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me, and MUST still be good in bed. Apply in person"

The next day, her doorbell rings, and when she opens the door, much to her dismay is a gray haired man in a wheelchair, and he has no arms or legs.

She asks the man, "Do you really expect me to choose you? You don't even have any arms or legs!"

The old man replies, "Well, I don't have arms, so how could I beat you?" The woman agrees, and asks him to proceed. "I don't have any legs, so how could I run around on you? Again, she agrees, and replies, "But how could you, without any arms or legs, possibly be good in bed?"

The man smiles and says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I!"

[Buaya]

Hee...

To find fault... How he wheeled himself to her place? Hee...

[worldangel]

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?

It's crowded & dirty and full of foreigners. You're crazy to go to Rome.

So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking ‘United Airlines’," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"UA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.

So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott Hotel."

"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of United Airline's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they upgraded us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the Presidential suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."

"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"

He said, "Where'd you get the lousy haircut?

[worldangel]

A woman had just lost her husband. So she meets a guy who is instantly interested in her. Well, he is a patient guy and decides to be nice to her.

Well, one day they go away on a vacation and soon things get heated up, but she takes everything off except for her black panties.

So he asks her "Why the black panties?" So she says "Well I haven't finished mourning down there." So he says "ok".

Anyway this goes on for two days and on the third day she notices that he has a black condom on. So she asks him, "What's with the black condom?" So he replies, "I want to show you just how sorry I am."

[worldangel]

A man walks into a bar and sees a pot of gold. Curious, the man asks the bartender what is with the pot of gold.

'Well, you see every day I give a challenge and whoever can complete the challenge gets the pot of gold.' 'What's today challenge?' 'You see that donkey. You have to make him laugh.'

The customer says, 'Do you mind if I take him out back?' 'No problem.' The customer takes the donkey outside and in a few the minutes the guy walks in with the donkey, and they're laughing up a storm. The guy finishes his drinks, takes the pot of gold, and walks off.

Next day, the same guy walks in and sees another pot of gold. 'What's

today challenge?' 'You have to make the same donkey cry.'

'Mind If I take him out back?' 'Sure' The guy takes the donkey out back and in a couple minutes, they walk in with the donkey crying his eyes out.

The guy reaches for the pot of gold, but the bartenders says, 'Wait, first you have to tell me what you did do that donkey yesterday and today. 'Fine. Yesterday I told him that my dick was bigger than his and today I proved it

[worldangel]

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.

When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.

The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.

The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"

The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"

[worldangel]

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "You do God work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "You protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "You serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut