Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke:   Day Off?

So you want the day off? Let's take a look at what you are asking
for....
There are 365 days per year available for work.
There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per
week, leaving 261 days available for work.

Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break. That accounts for 23
days each year, leaving only 68 days available.

With a one hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46
days, leaving only 22 days available for work.
You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only
20 days available for work.

We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is
down to 15 days.

We generously give you 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1
day available for work and I'll be Dammed, if you're going to take that
day off!!!

 

[worldangel]

Joke: On Death Row

A chemist, a biologist, and an electrical engineer were on death row waiting for the electric chair. The chemist was brought forward first.

"Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner, strapping him in.

"No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch, and nothing happened.

Under state law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner has to be released, so the chemist was released.

Then the biologist was brought forward.

"Do you have anything you want to say?"

"No, just get on with it."

The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened, so the biologist was released.

Then the electrical engineer was brought forward.

"Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner.

"Yes," replied the engineer. "If you swap the red and the blue wires over, you might make this thing work."

 

[clementi]

Joke: Dead Goldfish

Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbour said, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it, Tim?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth and replied, "That's because I couldn't get him out of your cat."

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: Cuckoo Clock

At about 3AM, I was drunk as a skunk. I came home just in time to hear

the cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. Quickly coming up with a plan, I

cuckooed nine more times, hoping my wife would think it was midnight.

I was very proud of myself.

The next day, my wife asked what time I got home, and I replied,

"Midnight, just like I said."

She said that was good, and for some reason she said we needed a new

cuckoo clock. When I asked why, she answered, "Last night when it

cuckooed midnight, it cuckooed three times, said 'Shit!,' cuckooed

four more times, farted, cuckooed three times, cleared its throat,

cuckooed two more times and then started giggling."

 

[clementi]

Joke: Country Lane

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to

visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car

became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by

themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some

oxen before him. He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and

offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted

and minutes later the car was free.

The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth

car I've helped out of the mud today." The husband looks around at the

fields incredulously and asks the farmer,"When do you have time to

plough your land? At night?"

"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the

water in the hole"

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: Bridge Player

A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30.

 

One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.

 

"Dammit woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose everything?"

 

[clementi]

Joke: Boarding the Bus

One day, a large group of people were waiting for the bus at a local Greyhound station. At the front of the line was a very attractive woman dressed in a black business vest, white blouse, leather miniskirt, and high heels.

 

As the bus pulled up and opened the door, she went to board it, but found that her skirt was too tight for her to raise her leg to the required height. Looking around and thinking quickly, she reaches behind her and unzips the zipper on the back of her skirt a little and then tries again. Again, she finds that she cannot manoeuver the step, so once more she reaches behind her and unzips her skirt a little more.

 

With a smile, she looks at the bus driver and tries to board again. With disappointment, she finds that she still can't step that high and so with exasperation and a sigh she unzips her skirt the rest of the way down. To her amazement, her leg still will not reach the bottom step.

 

Finally, a very large Texan behind her gently grabs her by the waist, lifts her up, and places her on the bus. The woman turns to the Texan furious and says, "Who do you think you are to touch my body in that way? I don't even know you!"  Nonplused, the Texan looks at her and replies, "Well, ma'am, after you unzipped my fly I thought we were pretty good friends."

 

[iamziz]

[iamziz]

[iamziz]

[iamziz]

[luke84]

Joke:   Day Off?

So you want the day off? Let's take a look at what you are asking

for....

There are 365 days per year available for work.

There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per

week, leaving 261 days available for work.

Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break. That accounts for 23

days each year, leaving only 68 days available.

 

(how did this comes about? 30minsX 261 work days =7830mins = 5.43days)

 

 

With a one hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46

days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

 

(again 1hr lunch break x261 work days =261hrs = 10.875 days)

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only

20 days available for work.

 

 

We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is

down to 15 days.

 

We generously give you 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1

day available for work and I'll be Dammed, if you're going to take that

day off!!!

 

the thing is. it should be the other way round, minus away all works and possible off and leaves. then we take the coffe breaks and lunch breaks.

 

minus weekend, you have 261 days of work

let's say you takes around 10 days of MC each year, workdays = 251

and you have 14 days of leaves, and 10 days of holidays, workdays = 227

since you spend 16 hrs away from work, workdays = 227

then that's it.

fullstop.

workday is work day. you just need to know you work 8 hrs a day. the lunch is usually not included in the 8 hrs.

 

apologies, just can't take this kinda joke as my boss just sent me a similar one

Edited August 12, 2013 by luke84

[worldangel]

Joke: Bouncing Baby Boy Balls

 

 

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.

Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.''

So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution."

''Why?' asked the head nurse.

"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Beautiful

 

 

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again.

 

His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You're cute!” Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.”

 

 

She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Weight Loss Adjustment

 

 

A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.

"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?"

"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes."

The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.

"But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"

"True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Got Nuts?

 

 

A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts.

The guy says, "No, ma'am."

She says, "Well, do you have any dates?"

And he says, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: In Cider

 

 

A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider.

"Why do you want a glass of cider?" the teacher asks.

"To take away the pain," sobs the little girl.

"What do you mean?" the teacher asks.

"Well," sobs the little girl. "I overheard my big sister say that whenever she has a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Future Career

 

 

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

 

"A doctor?"

 

"And why's that?"

 

"Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Castration

 

 

Doc, says Steve, "I want to be castrated."

"What on Earth for?"

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time. If you don't do it, I'll just go to another doctor."

"OK, but it's against my better judgment."

Steve has his operation. The next day he walks down the hospital corridor very slowly, legs apart, with his drip stand. Heading toward him is another patient walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"Yeah," says the patient, "I finally decided I'd like to be circumcised."

Steve's eyes widen in horror, "Oh no! That's the word!"

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: $10 Complaint

 

 

A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs from her.

When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

[iamziz]

[worldangel]

Joke: Bad Drivers

 

 

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!''

 

Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Farmer and the Cow

 

 

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.

 

His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole.

 

I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too.

 

As soon as I finished milkin'' him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.

 

As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain!

[worldangel]

Joke: The farmer’s daughters

 

 

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.

 

The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.

 

The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.

 

The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Fancy Apples

 

 

This guy was driving along a country road. Along the side of the road he sees a sign: "Apples, $5.00 each." So he pulls over to the side of the road and asks the farmer why his apples are so expensive. The farmer says, "Well, these are peanut butter and jelly apples."

 

So the guy buys one. He says, "These apples only taste like jelly, where's the peanut butter?" The farmer says, "Turn the apple over and take a bit of the other side." Sure enough the other side tasted like peanut butter.

 

 

So he continues on his way and along the side of the road he sees another sign: "Apples, $20.00 each." So he gets out and asks the farmer why these apples are so expensive. "These are ham and cheese apples," the farmer says. So the guy buys one. The apple only tasted like ham, so he asked the farmer why and he said, "Turn the apple over and you will taste the cheese."

Then he is driving down the road again and he sees another sign: "Apples, $50.00 each." So he asks the farmer, "What's up with these apples being so expensive?" The farmer tells him they are pussy apples. So the guy buys one. He takes a bite into the apple and says "This apple tastes like shit!" And the farmer says, "Turn it over."

[iamziz]

[iamziz]

[iamziz]

[iamziz]

[clementi]

Joke: Deer Hunter

A man took his wife deer hunting for the first time. After he explained the basics to his wife, he told her the most important piece of information:

Whenever you shoot something, make sure to claim it right away or the first person who gets to your kill can claim it as their own, so be quick if we want to have deer meat in the refrigerator!

So they departed to their deer boxes and waited for some deer. Minutes later he heard his wife's gun go off. The husband decided to make sure she went to claim her kill instead of giving it away to someone. When he got to his wife she was arguing with another man. When he finally got to his wife the man was shouting waving his hands in the air:

"Okay! Fine lady this is YOUR deer, but do you mind if I take my saddle off your deer before you take it away?"

 

[clementi]

Joke: Coke Please

I've always ordered beverages one simple way: "A Coke, please." Lately, though, this hasn't seemed to work. Waitresses now often respond, "I'm sorry, we don't have Coke. We have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Mr. Pibb."

 

Tired of listening to the long list of soft drinks, I thought I'd make life easier. So one day I simply asked the snack bar clerk at a movie theater for a "dark, carbonated beverage."

The young man behind the counter chuckled and asked, "Sir, would you like a cylindrical plastic sucking device with that?"

 

[clementi]

Joke: Cognitive Reasoning Test

Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive reasoning test. The doctor says to the first gal, "What is three times three?" "297," was her prompt reply. "Ummm humm," says the doc.

The doctor says to the second lady, "It's your turn now. What is three times three?" "Friday," replies the second lady. "Ummm humm..."

Then the doc says to the third, "Okay, mam, your turn. What's three times three?"

"Nine," she says. "That's wonderful!" says the doc. "Tell me, how did you get that?"

"Simple," she says, beaming... "I subtracted 297 from Friday!"

 

[clementi]

Joke: First class

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with the woman. The co-pilot went to talk with the woman, asking her to move out of the first class section.

Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.

The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."

He went to the first class section and whispered into the blonde's ear.

She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section, mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.

He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: What's Your Name?

A guy walked into a pub and immediately noticed a young lady at the bar on her own. After a couple of drinks he decided to offer her a drink and make small talk. She accepted.

"What's your name?" he asked her.

"Carmen," she replied.

"That's a nice name. Did your mother or father name you that?"

"Neither. I changed my name when I was eighteen from Sharon to Carmen."

"Why did you do that?" he asked.

"Well," she explained, "I like men and I like cars, so that is how I got my name. What's your name?"

"Beerpussy," the man replied.

 

 

[iamziz]

[clementi]

Joke: Wooden Leg

Harry was sensitive about his wooden leg and afraid no woman wouldhave him. He was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage. He couldn't bring himself to tell his fiancée about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, "Darling, I've got a big surprise for you," at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.

The wedding night came and went, and the young couple was at last alone in their hotel room. "Now don't forget, Harry, you promised me a

big surprise," said the bride.

Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife's hand on the stump.

"Hmmmmm," she said softly, "that is a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I'll see what I can do!"

 

[clementi]

Joke: Morris' Wedding night

At 85 years, Morris marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate bedrooms.

She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the wedding festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting.

Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his

leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.

After a few minutes there's a knock on the door and there old Morris is again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised she consents to further coupling which is again successful after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is certainly ready for slumber at this point, and is close to sleep, for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25 year old and ready for more. Once again they do the horizontal boogie. As they're laying in afterglow the young bride says to him, "I am really impressed that a man your age has enough juice to go at it three times. I've been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one time. You're a great lover Morris."

Morris looks confused, and turns to her and says," I was here already?"

 

[clementi]

Joke: S & M

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives.

 

Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"

Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."

Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that."

 

"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He Snores while I Masturbate."

 

[clementi]

Joke: Jerk of the Highway

 

A man was in a hurry to meet his friend down at the nearby lake. On the way down there, he was stopped by a man fully dressed in red. The man pulled over, and the red man asked, "Hi, I'm the red jerk of the highway. Have anything to eat?" The man smiled and handed him a sandwich.

 

 

He continued down the highway and was yet again pulled over by a man fully dressed in green. He stopped and the guy in green said, "Hi, I'm the green jerk of the highway. Have anything to drink?" Without smiling, the man handed the green guy his coke.

 

 

He started off again and started to speed down the highway. Yet again he was stopped by a guy fully dressed in blue. Sighing, he pulled over and pulled down his window, leant out and said, "Let me guess. You're the blue jerk of the highway. What do you want?" "Registration and license please" came the reply.

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: You Will Be Punished

Three guys were on a trip to desert area. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.

 

"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."

 

The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik.

He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.

 

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"

 

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: War Wound?

A guy went into a public washroom and had to use the only available urinal, which was between two elderly men. He glanced to his left and saw the guy pissing, but there were two streams. "What the hell is that?" he asked.

 

"War wound. I took a bullet in the penis in North Africa. They were able to save my dick but they had to leave two holes."

 

Then the guy looked to his right and saw three streams. "What the hell is that?"

"War wound. Germany, bullet in the penis, left three holes."

 

The two veterans then looked over at the guy in the middle and saw 12 streams! "War wound?" they both asked.

 

"Naah, my zipper's stuck."

 

 

[iamziz]

[worldangel]

Joke: Why Most Professions Are Dirty

The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes."
The Dentist because he says, "Open wide."

 

The hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"
The Milkman because he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"

 

The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."
The Banker because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose
interest."

 

The Police Officer because he says, "Spread 'em."
The Mailman because he always delivers his package.

 

The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and
always eats what he shoots.

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Business partners

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

 

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

 

"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well" says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

 

The man below says, "You must work in business."

"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

 

"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: Woman and the Midget

A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall, but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks, the two went back to the tall woman's apartment.

 

"I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget," said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all."

 

"Just take off your clothes, lie back on the bed, spread your legs, and close your eyes," said the midget.

 

The woman did as she was told, and soon she felt the biggest thing she had ever experienced inside her. Within a few minutes, the woman had climaxed eight times.

"If you think was good," said the midget with a smirk, "just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"

 

[clementi]

Joke: W.I.F.E

A few people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG."
Another guy says, "What's that?"

 

The first guy says, "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy."
Another one says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK.

 

A girl asks, "What's that?"
He says, "That means I am a Double Income, No Kids."

 

A lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE."
Larry says, "A wife? What's a wife?"
She says, "That means, 'Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

 

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: Well endowed

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar with money in it and a horse standing next to it. The bartender told the man to put a dollar in the jar and make the horse laugh. So the man put a dollar into the jar and told the horse something. Suddenly the horse began to laugh hysterically. The man took the money and left.

The next day the man walked into the bar and saw the jar of money and the horse standing next to it. This time, the bartender told the man to make the horse cry. the man put a dollar in the jar, walked over to the horse, and the horse began to cry. The man took the money and as he was about to leave when the bartender asked him...

"How did you do that?" the man replied, "On the first day, I told the horse my dick was longer than his, and on the second day, I showed him."

[iamziz]

[clementi]

Joke: Clever Plan

A regular walks into a bar, looking blue. The bartender starts setting him up his usual, and our man, Dave, says, "No, no - just a glass of milk."

Taken aback, the bartender asks what the hell has gotten into him? Dave responds, "Well, my wife told me that if she catches me coming home late and drunk after I've thrown up on myself one more time, she'll divorce me! And this time she means it. I'm blue..."

 

"Hey, no problem!" the bartender says as he starts setting Dave up again. "Do you have any big bills on you?"

"Well, sure," says Dave. "I just got paid."

 

"Okay," says the bartender, "drink all you want and rolf like you usually do, and when you get home and she bitches, show her a $50 bill and tell her someone threw up on YOU, then offered to pay for the shirt!"

What a great idea, Dave thinks, and starts knocking them back. Later that night, when Dave gets home late, drunk, and having thrown up on imself, his wife meets him at the door, screaming: "Damn it, Dave - I've told you! That's it!"

"Wait! Wait! It's not me! Some drunk threw up on ME and gave me this

$50 bill to pay for my shirt!"

She yanks the money out of his hand. "Dave, this is a $100 bill." "Well," Dave replies, "that same drunk shit my pants as well."

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: Car Theft

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favourite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged him and let him do his thing.

 

Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"

"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"

"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"