Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: 911

 

 

A man was walking down the street when he came across a body lying on the sidewalk. He ran to a phone and called 911.

The operator asked him where he was and the man replied, “I’m on Sycamore Drive.”

“How do you spell that?” the operator asked.

“S-i-c-k…” the man began. “No, s-i-c-a…..” no, s-i-k-a…. oh heck, let me drag him over to Lake street and I’ll call you back.”


 

[worldangel]

Joke: Job with the railways

 

 

A brilliant young boy was applying for a job with the railways. The interviewer asked him: "Do you know how to use the equipment?" "Yes", the boy replied. "Then what would you do if you realized that 2 trains, one from this station and one from the next were going to crash because they were on the same track?"

 

The young applicant thought and replied "I'd press the button to change the points without hesitation." "What if the button was frozen and wouldn't work?" "I'd run outside and pull the lever to change the points manually" "And if the lever was broken?" "I'd get on the phone to the next station and tell them to change the points," he replied.

 

"And if the phone was broken and needed an electrician to fix it?" The boy thought about that one. "I'd run into town and get my uncle" "Is your uncle an electrician?" "No, but he's never seen a train crash before!"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The Milkman

 

 

Two classmates were chatting in their lunch break...
"I know how to get money real quick" says one,” how?"

"Go to your dad and say, "I know the truth" and he'll give you money"

So the young boy went home and said "dad, I know the truth" and
his dad gave him ten dollars and told him not to tell anyone 'the truth'.

He then went to his mother, " Mom, I know the truth” he said.
"Please don't tell your dad" she said and gave him twenty dollars.

Content with thirty dollars he went outside to go to the arcade and saw the milkman. "I know the truth,” he shouted out.

The milkman replied "Well come and hug your real father then"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A Lawyer and a Senior

 

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.

So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun..."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

 

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

 

Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

 

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

 

He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

 

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

 

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

 

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

 

 

 

[iamziz]

[clementi]

Joke: Can’t recognise you

 

 

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the
hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death
experience.

 

Seeing the Heaven, she asked, "Is my time up?" The Heaven said, "No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live." Upon
recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift,
liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

 

While crossing the street on her way home, an ambulance killed her. Arriving in front of the Heaven, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that ambulance?" The Heaven replied, "Girl, I didn't recognize you”

 

[clementi]

Joke: The Pirates

 

 

A 17th Century captain was sailing along with his crew when a pirate ship came over the horizon. The captain says, "Cabin boy, get me my red shirt." So, he gets his red shirt and they victoriously battle the pirates.

 

 

Several days later, they spot another pirate ship off the port bow. "Cabin boy," says the captain "get me my red shirt." They again battle the pirates and are victorious. Later when things had settled down, the cabin boy asks, "Captain, why do you always want your red shirt just prior to battle?"

 

 

The captain responds, "Well, in case I am inflicted with a wound, I don't want the crew to see my injury and lose spirit." "I see," says the cabin boy. A few days later, they sight 20 pirates in the distance the captain yells out, "Cabin boy, get me my brown pants."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Moral of the Story

 

(Simple Truth 1)

 

Partners help each other undress before sex.  However after sex, they always dress on their own. 

 

Moral of the story:

  

In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

 

 

(Simple Truth 2)

 

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".

  

But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".

  

Moral of the story:

  

Hard work is never appreciated

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Text Your Husband

 

 

There was a group of women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

 

The women were asked, 'How many of you love your husbands?' All the women raised their hands.

 

Then they were asked, 'When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?'

 

Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember..

The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective husband: I love you, sweetheart.

 

Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

 

Here are some of the replies:

 

1. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?

 

2. What now? Did you crash the car again?

 

3. I don't understand what you mean?

 

4. What did you do now? I won't forgive you this time!!!

 

5. ?!?

 

6. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

 

7. Am I dreaming? ???????

 

8. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today...!!!

 

9. I asked you not to drink anymore!! and the best one

 

10. Who is this? 

 

 

 

[iamziz]

[worldangel]

Joke: Black Magic

 

 

This old man was feared by all his neighbours because they believe he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs and strange sounds at all hours.

 

Every time he had a confrontation with his wife, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night along with the same statement. “When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”

 

Well he died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The cheerfulness of her actions was becoming extreme while her neighbours approached in a group to ask these questions: are you not afraid? Worried? Concerned?

 

That this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life? The wife put down her drink and said, “Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down.”

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A Favour

I know I haven`t known you very long and I shouldn`t be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly.

I haven`t had it for a while and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft.

If you would do this for me no one would ever know.
I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I`d be very grateful if you would.
I am very desperate and I need your help.

You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juices until it`s very dry.

I am not going to beat around the bush any longer so..
Do you have a piece of gum?

[worldangel]

Joke: Afternoon quickie

 

 

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.
To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There`s a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.
"An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are making whoopie."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

[worldangel]

Joke: Duct Tape

 

 

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what`s wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That`s great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I`d get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn`t show."
"Sensible" says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"

(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)
"I kicked her in the face."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A Scrote

 

 

In a check out line the other day and the couple were arguing about whose turn it was to pay. The clerk was kind of listening until she heard the lady said to the guy, "Stop being a scrote."

With a furrowed brow the clerk asked, "What is a scrote?"

Without missing a beat the lady responded, "Short for scrotum. He is somewhere between a prick and an asshole." 

[worldangel]

Joke: Bug on windscreen

 

 

One day a father takes his daughter to school. While driving there, there is a couple in the convertible in front waving their arms about having an argument of some sort. Then the wife pulls out a knife and cuts her husband’s dick off and throws it over the back of the car, landing on the car's windscreen behind.

The girl says, "What’s that on the windscreen dad?"
The dad replies, "It’s a bug."

Then she says, "That bug sure has a big cock!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Moral of the Story is?

 

Out in the woods there's a brook, hovering above it is a fly. Well there happens to be a fish watching that fly, thinking if it drops 6 inches, I can jump up and get it. There's also a bear watching the whole thing, thinking the same thought and when that fish jumps up for it, I'll snatch it out of the air.

 

 

Well, there just happens to be a hunter watching the bear, watching the fish, watching the fly, thinking when that fly drops and the fish jumps, I'll shoot that bear when he goes for the fish.

 

 

Wouldn't you know, there's a mouse watching the cheese sandwich in the hunter's pocket, thinking the same thought as everyone else and when the recoil of the rifle knocks the sandwich out of his pocket, it's all mine. There's also a cat watching the mouse, sharing the same thought as everyone else, thinking he'll get the mouse when it goes for the cheese.

 

 

Well wouldn't you know that fly dropped 6 inches, sure enough the fish jumped up and got it, then it was snatched out of the air by the bear, who was shot by the hunter. The recoil from the rifle dropped the cheese sandwich on the ground, which the mouse scurried on over to. And the cat, the cat ended up in the brook. You know what the moral of the story is?

 

 

EVERY TIME THE FLY DROPS 6 INCHES, THE PUSSY IS BOUND TO GE WET!!!

 

[worldangel]

Joke: About presents

 

 

This rich guy was talking to this hillbilly about the presents they got their wives. The rich guy says I got my wife a diamond ring and a Rolls Royce.

the hillbilly asks why and the rich guy say if she doesn't like the diamond ring she can take it back.

So the rich guy asks the hillbilly what he got his wife and the hillbilly says I got my wife a pair of flip-flops and a dildo. So the rich guy asks why and the hillbilly says in case my wife doesn't like the flip-flops she can go fuck herself

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Easily Explained

 

 

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn`t wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.
The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.

The following day, the wife goes to the doctor`s office. The doctor asks her what`s wrong, why doesn`t she want to have sex with her husband?

"Oh, that`s easily explained. For the past six months," the wife says, "I`ve been taking a cab to work every morning. I don`t have any money. The cab driver asks me, `Are you going to pay today, or what?` So, I take an `or what`."

"Then, when I get to work," she continues, "I`m late, so the boss asks me, `Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?` So, I take an `or what`.

I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, `So, are you going to pay this time, or what?` Again, I take an `or what`.

So you see, doc, by the time I get home I`m all tired out and don`t want it anymore."

"Yes, I see," replies the doctor. "So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?"

Edited October 4, 2013 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Chewing Gum

 

 

Pilot: Have you ever flown in a small plane before?
Passenger: No, I have not.

Pilot: Well, here is some chewing gum. It will help to keep your ears from popping.

Pilot (after the plane landed): Did the gum help?
Passenger: Yep. It worked fine. The only trouble is I can’t get the gum out of my ears.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The hat seller

 

 

A Pathan hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side.

 

A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats.

 

Pathan sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same.

 

An idea came to him, he took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.

 

Fifty years later, his grandson, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather father. One day, just like his father, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.

 

He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree. He remembered his grandfather's words, he started scratching his head and the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed.

 

Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, he threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.

 

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said, "You think only you have a grandfather?"

 

 

[iamziz]

[worldangel]

Joke: Pilot License

 

A lady sitting in first class saw the cockpit door open, she was incredulous to see that the pilot was reading, very concerned she asked a flight attendant, “Miss, why is the pilot reading? Isn’t he supposed to be flying? “

 

The woman fainted when the flight attendant said, "oh well, he’s just studying for his pilot license."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Red Truck

 

 

In 1940 two men were flying from New York to Los Angeles on what was then a new DC-3. The left New York and when they landed in Philadelphia, a red truck drove up to put fuel into the wing.

A little while later, they landed in Pittsburgh and, again, a red truck pulled up to fill the tanks with fuel.

Each time they landed to discharge or take on passengers, a red truck would pull up and add fuel to the tanks. Finally, after landing in Kansas City and seeing truck pull up again, one said to the other, "we sure are making good time."

Said the other, "yes, we are, and so is that red truck!"

[worldangel]

Joke: First time Flying

 

 

“I’ve never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. “You will bring me down safely, won’t you?

 

“All I can say ma’am,” said the pilot, “is that I’ve never left anyone up there yet!”

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Helicopter

 

 

A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to decent. The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them.

 

Just then a man gets out if his seat and runs over to open the door. The pilots screams at him, "Didn't you hear what I said, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat as long as the doors remain closed?!".

"Of course I heard you", the man replied, "but it's also designed to fly, and look how good that one worked out!!"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: THIS IS PRICELESS!

 

In parochial school students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructors also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the Truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings:

Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs.

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
 

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
 

'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'

'I would  love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not  lie.'

 "'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The  official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked,

 

'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
 

'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father.  Next please!'

 

[iamziz]

[clementi]

Joke: Reservations

 

A man went to the airline counter. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, do you have reservations?"

 

He replied, "Reservations? Of course I have reservations, but I'm flying anyway."

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: The Parrot

 

 

A businessman finds that his neighbour in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot. They take off and the flight attendant asks what they would like to drink. "Whisky on the rocks with a twist," says the parrot. The businessman orders a coke.

After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, "Where's my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!" The fight attendant runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty. Half an hour later the flight attendant makes a second round. The bird orders another whisky and a Wall Street Journal. The businessman asks for another coke. Again, after a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, "You lazy idiot! Where is my drink?!"

 

The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper. The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird. "Hey! Where's my coke! The service here stinks!"

Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane.
At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings."



 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: When I can do as I please

 

 

A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?"

The father answered immediately, "Son, I don`t know. No man has lived that long yet."

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Making Donation

 

 

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

Man: "What are you doing here today?"

Woman: "Oh, I`m here to donate some blood. They`re going to give me $5 for it."

Man: "Hmm, that`s interesting. I`m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.

Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.

Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"

Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Simple Mathematics

 

 

Dear Wife:

You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year old secretary. I`ll be home before midnight.

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

 

Dear Husband:
You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year old pool boy. Since you are an accountant, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore don`t wait up.

 

Your Wife

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Feeling 18 Again

 

 

A 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed, laughing and singing.

 

Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her for awhile and then says, " You look ridiculous! What on Earth do you think you are doing?"

 

She says, "I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old!"

 

She starts laughing and jumping again.

He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year old ass?"
She says, "Your name never came up!"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Success of men depends on Age

 

To a man, the meaning of success depends on his age:
At age 4, success is not peeing in his pants
At age 16, success is "gettin` a little"
At age 50, success is about career and family
At age 65, success is "gettin` a little"
At age 90, success is not peeing in his pants

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Play your age

 

 

A woman was in a gambling casino for the first time. At the roulette she
says, "I have no idea what number to play."

A young, good-looking man nearby suggests she play her age. Smiling at the man, she puts her money on number 32. The wheel is spun, and 41 comes up.
The smile drifted from the woman`s face and she fainted.

[iamziz]

[worldangel]

Joke: Flowers

 

 

A man walks home and thinks about his wife. He decides to buy her some flowers. When he rings the bell, his wife opens the door. He holds up the flowers and says, "For you, baby!"

She replies, "Oh yeah? You just want me to spread my legs!"

The man responds, "Don`t you have a vase?"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Insults

 

 

A man and his wife, who was 8 months pregnant, were doing some holiday shopping in crowded mall. They had been trading humorous insults for most of the evening, and the man decided that he was going to really get her. He announced in a loud voice, "If you don`t stop insulting me, I`m not going to marry you!"

He was disappointed that only a few people around them reacted, but his wife managed to bring down the house when she responded, "That`s OK, I won`t tell you who the father is!"

 

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The wife & the mailman

 

 

It`s near Christmas & the mailman is delivering packages. A woman opens the door in a sexy negligence and invites him in. Surprised, he follows her to the bedroom where they proceed to have sex. After it`s over, the woman hands him a dollar.

 

The mailman, puzzled, asked why? The woman replied, "well, while I was making my shopping list I asked my husband, honey, what should we give that nice mailman for Christmas?" and he replied, "fuck the mailman, give him a dollar!"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Women’s ear

 

 

A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution.

He heard of a very good one in Europe, and went to him. The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, "yes, I can put you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel. The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You swine, you gave me a woman`s ears."

"Well, an ear is an ear, what`s wrong? Can`t you hear?"

"You`re wrong, I hear everything, but I don`t understand a thing!"

 

[iamziz]

[clementi]

Joke: Awkward Bob

 

 

Bob was a member of the chess club. He had to play against a foreign exchange student named Mi Meeet.

 

He won, so when his mother asked him about his day, he said, " Today was truly climatic! I ended up beating Mi Meet in front of the whole team, and it felt so good!"

 

   

[clementi]

Joke: The New Viagra

The makers of Viagra are announcing that they have developed a pill to increase vaginal wetness in females. The new pill will be called Niagra.

[clementi]

Joke: Control Tower

 

 

Pilot: Control tower, what time is it?
Control tower: What airline is this?

Pilot: What difference does that make?

Control tower: Well if it is UA, it is 6:00p.m.; if it is TWA, it is 1800 hours; if it is Ozark, the big hand is on the…..”
 

 

[clementi]

Joke: Do women talk too much?

 

Sam was trying to show his wife that women talk much more than men. To prove his point he showed Her a scholarly study hat showed men, on average, use about l500 words per day as opposed to women, who use at least 3,000.

 

Gussie, his wife, pondered this for a little while and then thought of an answer. "Women", she said, "must use twice as many words as men, because they have to repeat everything they say."

 

 

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Don’t Assume

 

 

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection.

Traffic quickly piled up in all directions while a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It`s all right honey, I`ve had a course in first aid."

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man`s pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I`m already here."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A Man and His money

 

 

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything.

 

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.

 

He made Her promise with all Her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.  

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and Her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!`She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

 

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So Her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren`t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband!"

 

She said, "Listen, I`m a religious woman. I can`t go back on my word. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him.

 

"You mean to tell me you really put that money in the casket with him!?
"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check."

Moral of the story: Never Underestimate The Intelligence of a Woman.

 

 

[iamziz]

A man was in bed with his Thai girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis, something she had lovingly done on many occasions.

Rather enjoying it, he turns and asked her, "Why do you love doing that?"

She replied: "Because I really miss mine".

[worldangel]

Joke: Two Divorced Guy

 

 

These two guys had just gotten divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader`s store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year."

 

 

The trader got the gear together and on top of each one`s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.

The guys asked "What`s that board for?" The trader said, "Well, where you`re going there are no women and you might need this." They said, "No way! We`ve sworn off women for life!" The trader said, "Well. take the boards with you, and if you don`t use them I`ll refund your money next year. "Okay," they said and left. The next year this guy came into the trader`s store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year."

 

 

The trader said "Weren`t you in here last year with a partner?"

"Yeah" said the guy. "Where is he?" asked the trader. "I killed him" said the guy. Shocked, the trader asks "Why?" To which the guy replies, "I caught him in bed with my board!"