Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: A bargain microwave

 

 

Pathan went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to PATHANs," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman

"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Pathans," Salesman replied.

"Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time,haircut and new hair colour, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to Pathans," he replied.

Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Pathan?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

 

[clementi]

Joke: At Immigration counter

 

 

At the Immigration’s desk in a port, a newcomer hands over his papers, the clerk checks them over and says: "Sir you put 2 in the SEX section"

Man: "Yes, 2 times per week"

Clerk: "But it is male or female"!

Man: "It doesn't matter"

 

[clementi]

Joke: What happened?

 

My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
"I got in a tiff with Riley."

"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said, surprised. "He must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."

"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"

"Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's tit." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight."

[clementi]

Joke: Too exited

 

Old man is walking along, and sees a young mini skirted girl, across the street. Immediately, he gets a hard-on. So he goes into an Entry, and starts to stroke his penis.

 

 

A young guy comes along, so the old man says ''hey sonny, rub this up and down, till I tell you to stop, and I'll give you a pound.'' The guy says OK, after a while, the Old man, says, wow! Now you can loose, it.

 

 

The guy, sticks his thumb over the end, and says ''Make it a ten, or I'll blow your balls off!''

 

[clementi]

Joke: Wait for me...

 

A couple of old buddies walking down the streets of downtown.

 

One sees a whorehouse and looks at his buddy and says "Wait for me here I'll be right back".

 

 The man came back out and his buddy asks, "So, was it a stick up or a hold up?"

[clementi]

Joke: Millionaire

 

 

A miserable-looking man was sitting in a bar one night.

"Why are you looking so sad?" asked the barman.

"My wife's made me a millionaire." said the man.

"If my wife made me a millionaire, I'd be the happiest man on earth", said the barman.

"Yes, but before I met her I was a multimillionaire."

[worldangel]

Joke: Viagra

 

Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa, are you going to take that new Viagra?"

Grandpa looks at him and says "No Johnny, I will not." "But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: At show store

 

At a shoe store a salesman helps this woman to try on some shoes. As he lifts up her leg to put on the shoe, he can see downtown because she's not wearing any panties.

 

Risking his job the guy says, "I could eat that full of ice cream." The woman gets all embarrassed, slaps the guy and runs out of the store. When she gets home she tells her husband to go beat that man up.

 

Her husband says "First of all, you shouldn't have been anywhere without any panties. Second, I don't know what you were doing in there in the first place, because you have enough shoes as is. And thirdly, I'm not messing with anybody that eat that much ice cream."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Let us play a game

 

A man has a small dick and is embarrassed to tell his girlfriend so he says to her "Let’s play a game", "you take off your clothes shut your eyes and let me feel a body part and guess which part it is "

 

She said "ok" so they went in to the bedroom. She took her top off and let her boyfriend feel her breast.

 

He guessed the right part and said; "all right my turn" close your eyes. He takes his pants off and puts his dick in her hand and she says jerking her hand away "man, you know I don't smoke"

[worldangel]

Joke: A hundred dollar bill

 

A man came home to his wife one day with a one hundred dollar bill tattooed on his penis; his wife asked why would he do such a thing?

 

He replied, First: "My father always told me to keep a hundred dollars in my pocket:  Second, I, always like to see my money grow and Third, Any time you want to blow a hundred dollars, you don't even have to leave the house.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Fireman

 

This fireman comes home from work and tells his wife about the bell system they have at the station and proceeds to explain; bell one we slide down the poll. Bell two we get dressed for the fire. Bell three we get on the truck and go.

 

Let’s try a system like that when I come home and say bell one you strip and when I say bell two we go to the bedroom and when I say bell three we can be wild the rest of the night.

 

His wife agrees to try. So the next night the husband comes home and yells bell one the wife strips then he yells bell two and they go back to the bedroom, he then yells bell three and they start having sex.

 

Well a few minutes pass and the wife yells bell four. The husband asks what’s bell four and the wife says, “not enough hose to reach the fire.”

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The story of Ethel

 

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, charging around the nursing home, taking corners on two wheels, and reaching maximum speeds on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was a few bricks shy of a full load the other residents tolerated her, and some of the male residents even joined in.

One day, Ethel was flying down one corridor when a door opened and out stepped kooky Clarence with his hand in the air, “STOP" he ordered. Do you have a license to drive that thing? Ethel fished around in her pocket, pulled out a candy wrapper and held it up for him to see "OK" he said, and away Ethel went down the hall at top speed.

Rounding the corner by the lunchroom weird Willy jumped out yelling, "STOP"...... Do you have proof of insurance? Ethel searched her other pocket and pulled out a drink coaster, and held it up for Willy to see. Very well. Willy nodded carry on ma'am.

As Ethel rounded the last corner headed for the front door, Crazy Dale stepped out in front of her wearing nothing but a huge erection. Damn cried Ethel "not the Breathalyzer again"

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: 3 Viagra pills

 

A man goes to see the doctor to ask for three Viagra pills. The doctor says these are very powerful pills so I need to know why you need three. Well, the guy says my girlfriend is coming over Friday, my ex-wife on Saturday, and my new-wife is coming home on Saturday and I need these pills so I can satisfied them all.

 

Well the doctor said ok on one condition, that you come in on Monday so I can check your vitals to make sure you are ok.

 

The man agrees. So Monday comes and the man sees the doctor, but both arms are in slings. Oh my! What happened? The doctor asked. The man replied nobody showed up I was alone all weekend!

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Ex Prisoner

 

Three guys had just been released from prison and were really kinky. They saw this beautiful woman as they were walking in the woods. Each of them had sex with the woman.

 

 

 

Unfortunately, the woman was part of a tribe and the tribe Chief captured the three men and made a bargain with them. He said, "If the three of your penises together measure twenty one inches (or more) we will not kill you but let you go free.” They took the first guy and he measured 15.5inches.

 

 

They took the second guy and he measured 5 inches. Finally they took the third man and he was with them for a few hours and he measured .5 inches.

 

 

 

The Chief released the men because they together measured twenty-one. On the way home they were bragging to each other. The first man said. You guys are really lucky for my fifteen and a half inches.

 

The second man said that they were really lucky for his five inches.

 

The third man said. “You guys are lucky that I had a bone!”

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: Sexlax

 

A man walks into the pharmacy and asks for some sexlax. The pharmacist replies,“You mean Ex-lax.”

The man says, “No, I mean Sexlax – I don’t have any trouble going!”

 

[clementi]

Joke: Two Girlfriends

 

Two girlfriends were walking down the street and one sees her boyfriend in a flower store buying flowers and tells her friend "shit I hate when my boyfriend buys me flowers he always expects something from me”.

 

Her friend says, "What’s wrong with that I think it’s sweet". The girl says I am tired of laying on my back with my legs spread open for three days”.

 

Her friend replies: "Why don't you just buy a vase"...

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Poker Player

 

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress.

Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and merged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, did you see anything that you liked under there?

 

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did.
She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested.
She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 PM sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed
their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?" With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."

With a satisfied look on his face, Bill surprised his wife by saying Good I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player!

[worldangel]

Joke: Penis measurement

 

Three men were on the roof of a tall building. While looking over the edge, one man said to the others, "hey, let’s measure our penises." the others agree so, *zip* the first guy whips his out and it hangs halfway down the side of the building.

 

The second guy says, "that’s nothing", *zip* he whips his out and his hangs all the way down to the sidewalk below and smacks someone upside the face! The third man just stands there waiting for his turn. "It’s your turn" said one of them.

 

 

Reluctant he says,"I'll only show you if you swear you won’t laugh at it." They agree so *zip* he whips his out, and it goes all the way down the side of the building, across the street, and halfway up the side of the building across the street. The two men take one look and bust up laughing.

 

 

The third man, very upset, says, "You promised you would not laugh at it!" To this the two men reply, "oh, were not laughing at that, were laughing at the steam roller driving down the street!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Anniversary

 

A woman wants to surprise her husband for their 25th anniversary. She decides to go out buy some sexy lingerie. She picks up some crotch less panties and a new bra.

When the hubby gets home from work she's sprawled out on the bed wearing her new lingerie. In her sexiest voice she says "do you want some of this, big boy?” Slightly frightened, the man exclaims "hell no, look what it did to your panties!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A rich and a poor slut

 

A rich slut and a poor slut were standing next to the road when the poor slut asked the rich slut "Where do you get all the money from?"

"That's easy" replied the rich slut, "Just before you have sex, stick an elastic band up your arse, with the movement the elastic band will ping and you shout OW, my back! and you sue the guy."

"Thanks says the poor slut and rushes home and starts looking around but she can't find an elastic band, all she can find is a catapult. So, with a major struggle she got it up. She went down the spot where she had been standing and almost immediately a car pulled up. The two went back to the guy's home and they went down to business and suddenly, PING!

 

The catapult had shot and the slut yelled "OW, my back! I'll sue you for this!" The man replied "Never mind your back, my balls just went out the window!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Three Holes at the Bar

 

This young man walks into a bar that he's never been to before and he goes up to the bartender to order his drink. While he waits he notices three holes in the bar. When the bartender returns with his drink he asks what they're for.

 

She says, "Oh if you stick your dick in there you can get a free blow job." He nods and sticks his dick into the first hole. "Mmm," he groans, "that’s nice" before he cums he moves to the second hole. "Awww, that’s even better," he moans.

 

Finally he sticks his dick in the third and final hole "oh yeah that’s the best" he groans as he cums. Once he gets his pants up he walks over to the bartender and asks who’s under there "well," she says "the first is a blonde the second is a brunette and the third is an elderly man with no teeth"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Cold Hands

 

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up."

After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! my hands are really freezing!"

She says again, "Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up.

After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands are really, really freezing!"
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Go forth and multiple

 

 

A young woman married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She soon married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally croaked.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking him for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to "Go forth and multiply."

In his final eulogy, he noted, "Thank you Lord, they're finally together."

Leaning over to his neighbour, one mourner asked... "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"
The other mourner then replied... "I think he means her legs."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: By the seaside

 

Goldie was sitting on a beach in East Coast, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.
"Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"

"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.
Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"

The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said politely before returning to his reading.
Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like pussycats?" With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before.

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The horny husband’s plot

 

 

A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife.

He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and some water."

She replied, "But honey, I do not have a headache!"

He replied, "Thank God!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Bob, the athletic sperm

 

Once there was a sperm named Bob. When all the other sperm were just swimming around, Bob was doing sprints and lifting weights all the other sperms asked him one day, "Why don't you just swim around like us?"

Bob replied, with a smirk, "well, when the time comes, I'm gonna be the first one there".

The others told him it was just destiny, but he said it wasn't. So, the day finally came when they were called upon. They were swimming along when Bob pulled ahead of the rest. Suddenly he stopped and turned around and headed back.

The others asked him why he turned around and he said, "back up boys it's a BLOW JOB!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Picking fruits

 

Two guys sneak into a farmer's fruit garden and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. "Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of which ever fruit you want," said the farmer.

The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer.
The farmer says, "now shove em' all up your ass."

The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then he starts to laugh.
"Why you laughing?" asked the farmer.

To which the man replied, "My friend is out picking watermelons!"

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: In search of perfect penis

 

A four-year-old boy asked his friend what a penis was. His friend's response was that he did not know and he would ask his dad.

That evening the second boy asked his dad. His dad gladly exposed himself to his son and with his penis in hand said, "Son this is a penis. In fact, if you take a good look you will see this is a perfect penis."

The next day the second five year old boy met the first five year old boy and called him behind a hedge.
The boy exposed himself and said, "This is a penis. In fact, if it were three inches shorter it would be a perfect penis!"

[worldangel]

Joke: An interrupted journey

 

 

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, a man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paperwork to take the puppy on board, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and sneaked him on board the airplane.

About 30 minutes into the trip, a stewardess noticed the man shaking and quivering. "Are you okay, sir?" asked the stewardess
"Yes, I'm fine," said the man.

Later, the stewardess noticed the man moaning and shaking again. "Are you sure you're alright sir?"
"Yes," said the man, "but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy on board, so I hid him down the front of my pants."

"What's wrong?" asked the stewardess. "Is he not house trained?"
"No, that's not the problem. The problem is he's not weaned yet!"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Check please

 

A travelling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when he noticed a very charming bit of femininity giving him the eye. In a causal manner he walked over and spoke to her as though he had known her all his life. Both walked back to the desk and registered as Mr. and Mrs.

After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out. The clerk presented him with his bill for $1600.

"There is a mistake here," he protested. "I have been here only three days."
"Yes," replied the clerk, "But your wife has been here a month."

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The lesson that always be true

 

Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl's house. One day he he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says "See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!"

The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football. The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah".

The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boy’s bike, and girls can't have them!"

Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boy’s bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his private parts, and says "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!"

The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl "Well, what do you have to say NOW?"
So she pulls up her dress, points to her private part and says "My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Decisions, decisions!

 

 

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

 

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts.

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The chicken and the egg in bed

 

The chicken and the egg are laying in bed.

 

The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face while the egg is frowning and looking slightly annoyed.

The egg mutters "Well, I guess that answers that riddle".

[worldangel]

Joke: You reap what you see

 

A man and his wife are doing yard work. Husband says to wife, "Your butt is as wide as the grill." She ignores the remark.

A little later the husband takes his measuring tape and goes over to his wife while she is bending over working in a flower bed. He measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it IS as wide as the grill!"

Later that night while in bed her husband starts to feel frisky. She calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you ARE mistaken."

[worldangel]

Joke: Hind-lick Maneuver

 

 

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small southern town out in the country. She orders the fried chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she chokes on a chicken bone.

 

 

Well, these two country boys in the next booth notice she is choking, and they get up and go over to help her. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over, and the second country boy starts licking his asshole.

 

 

She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. The country boy pulls his coveralls back up and says to the other excitedly, "You're right Billy Bob, that Hind-Lick Maneuver works like a charm."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Blaming the dog

 

 

A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure.

Then, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.
He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."

The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.
This goes on for a couple more farts.

Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Tell tale signs of a single man

 

A guy walks into a supermarket and buys the following items:
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 roll of toiletpaper
1 frozen dinner
1 can of pop
1 box of cereal

The woman behind the counter says, "so you are single huh?"

The man replies very sarcastically, "why would you guess that, because I am buying 1 of everything?"

The woman replies, "no, because you are ugly."

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: What’s the difference?

 

 

What's the difference between a penis and a prick?

 

A penis is fun, sexy and satisfying... A prick is the guy who owns it. 

[worldangel]

Joke: Irresistible to women

 

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie.

The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes."

The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand.

He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him.

He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: It’s what you do …

 

This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her.

He watches her awhile then says, "You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?"

She says, "I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again.

He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?"
She says, "Well, your name never came up."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Eggplant

 

 

An elderly couple, Marty and Helen, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant. While looking at the menu, Helen noticed her husband looking at the vegetarian section of the menu.

 

“What would you like Marty?” she asked. “I’m looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish.” He replied. “Marty, you like meat and potatoes. You won’t like that dish.”

 

Helen said. “What do you know,” answered Marty, “I’m getting it.” “Marty, I’m telling’ you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy. You won’t like it!” Helen exclaimed. “I’m getting it and that is the last word!” says Marty.

A short while later the meals arrive at the table. Marty looks down and his dish and says to Helen, “Where are my eggs?”

 

[iamziz]

[clementi]

Joke: The condoms board

 

Man enters a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. The Pharmacist asks, "What size?"

To which the man replies, "I'm not exactly sure." The pharmacist grabs something from under the counter and hands it to the man, "Well, take this board with holes, go to the bathroom and the hole your erect penis fits into is the correct size of condom for you."

 

20 minutes later the man comes back and tells the pharmacist, "I've changed my mind, I don't need the condoms. How much is this board"?

 

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: 3 old guys

 

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

 

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: Hearing aid

 

A man was telling his neighbour, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty."

 

[clementi]

Joke: Arthritis

 

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

" No," he replied, "arthritis.

 

[clementi]

Joke: Heart murmur

 

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Emergency

 

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall.

 

They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.

 

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Honeymooner

 

A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.

 

So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.

 

He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: I forgot her name

 

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house.

 

Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.

 

His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names."

 

The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."