worldangel Posted August 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke: The pill Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?" clementi 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke: Speeding Jim was speeding along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. "What's wrong, Eric?" Jim asked. "Well didn't you know, Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Eric. "Ah, my goodness!" he replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!" clementi 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted August 31, 2014 Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke: Hurry up Charles was getting annoyed and shouted upstairs to his wife," Hurry up or we'll be late.""Oh, be quiet," replied his wife. "Haven't I been telling you for the last hour that I'll be ready in a minute?" crazygolfer and worldangel 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted August 31, 2014 Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke: Blind date After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"\ crazygolfer and worldangel 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted August 31, 2014 Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke: Don’t eat! A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. It’s an asshole! crazygolfer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted August 31, 2014 Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke: Because it’s empty Little Susie, a six-year-old, complained, "Mother, I've got a stomach ache." "That's because your stomach is empty," the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it." That afternoon, her father came complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up, "That's because it's empty," she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it." crazygolfer and worldangel 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted August 31, 2014 Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke: Cinderblock There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Duh huh guhnuh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke: Watch this! A little girl is serving her father tea while her mother is out shopping. The mother comes home and the father says, "Watch this!" The little girl goes and serves the mother tea. The mother responds, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?" clementi 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke: Mum-in-law A husband got his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Christmas. It came with a coffin, tomb stone, the works. Next Christmas comes by and the husband gets her nothing. When the mother-in-law asks, "Why didn't you get me a gift?" the husband says, "You haven't used the one I got you last year!" clementi 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke: 3 brothers Three brothers wanted to give their blind mom a birthday gift. The first got her a big beautiful house. The second got her a brand new luxury vehicle with a driver. The third got her a talking parrot to keep her company. When they all got together, they wanted to know which gift she liked best. She said they were all great but she thanked her third son because she liked the chicken dinner best. clementi 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke: Pretty smart A hillbilly family's only son saves up money to go to college. After about three years, he comes back home. They are sitting around the dinner table, when the dad says, ''Well son, you done gone to college, so you must be pretty smart. Why don't you speak some math fer' us?'' ''Ok, Pa.'' The son then says, ''Pi R squared.'' After a moment, the dad says, ''Why son, they ain'tteachedyanothin'! Pie are round, cornbread are square.'' clementi 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke: Panties A mother went to pick up her daughter from elementary school and found her doing handstands against the wall. When they got into the car, the mother said, "Darling, I wish you wouldn't do that because the boys can see your panties." "Okay, mommy," the little girl replied. The next day, the mother noticed her little girls hands looked dirty, so she asked, "You haven't been doing handstands again and letting those boys see your panties, have you?" "Oh no, mummy," the daughter replied. "Honestly! I took them off first." clementi 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke: At drinking bar A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend, he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in September," the friend continued, "my father died, leaving me $90,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "Then last month, my aunt died and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad.""Then this month," continued the friend, "absolutely nothing!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke: Eating chicken A little girl and her older brother were visiting their grandfather's farm. The older brother decided to play a trick on his younger sister. He told her that he discovered a man-eating chicken. The girl was frightened, and ran inside in fear. Then the older brother heard his little sister scream. He ran inside immediately. She was screaming at their grandfather, who was chowing down on a plate of fried chicken. "What is it?" he asked. The sister turned to him in fear and said," It- it's- IT'S A MAN EATING CHICKEN!!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted August 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 Joke:My life There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2014 Joke: Bad date After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2014 Joke: Birthday party For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:"You are not getting older. You are just getting better."Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered that the cake read:"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP.YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2014 Joke: Doctor visit A forty-ish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says "I don't care. I just came from the doctor and he says I have the breasts of an 18-year-old."The husband said, "What did he say about your 41-year-old ass?""Your name never came up," she replied. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2014 Joke: Fix the problem A man came home from work one day and his wife asked him to fix the toilet. The man says "who do i look like the plumber?" and never fixed it....The man comes home the next day and his wife asks him to fix the garbage disposal. The man says "who do i look like a blad specialist?" and never fixed it....The man comes home the next day and his wife asks him to fix the refrigerator. The man says "who do i look like the maytag repair man?" and never fixed it....the man comes home the next day and his wife told him she hired someone to fix the fridge, someone to fix the garbage disposal, and someone to fix the toilet.The man asks his wife "how much did it cost?" His wife says "i had to either bake them a cake or have sex with them." The man asks his wife "what kinda cake did you bake them?" the wife says "who do i look like Betty Crocker?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2014 Joke: Married woman vs single woman Why are married women heavier than single women?Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2014 Joke: Problem with women "Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "You've got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes."The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?""I push them away!""I see. And what can I do to help you with this?"The patient implored, "Please--break my arms!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2014 Joke: The ideal man At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends."The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!"A lady at a nearby table overheard this and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2014 Joke: Bad date After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2014 Joke: Birthday party For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:"You are not getting older. You are just getting better."Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered that the cake read:"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP.YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2014 Joke: You’re next A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!'' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2014 Joke: Crossed eyed bull Farmer Brown, had a bull that he was quite proud of. One day he looked at the bull and noticed his eyes were crossed. That was disconcerting, because he knew he couldn't get huge stud fees for a defective bull. He called the local vet who came right over. The vet assured him he could solve the problem."Farmer Brown, you stand in front of the bull and watch his eyes. I will insert this straw into the bull's rectum and blow. When the eyes uncross, yell stop."The vet did just that, and sure enough after a few minutes of blowing, the eyes uncrossed. Farmer Brown was thrilled. Several months pass and again he sees the eyes cross.He says to himself, "I better call the vet. No, wait a minute. Last time I called the vet, he charged me $250.00 for something that only took a few moments. I will do it myself."He went to the barn and called his trusty farm hand, Luke."Luke, we have a problem here and this is what I want you to do. I will put this straw in the rear of my bull and blow. You watch his eyes, and when they uncross, tell me and I will stop blowing."Farmer Brown started blowing and blowing and nothing happened.Finally, he said, "You know, maybe I am not strong enough, Luke. Let’s trade positions and you blow and I will watch."Luke went over to the bull, pulled out the straw, turned it around and reinserted it."What the hell are you doing, Luke?" says Farmer Brown."What do you think? I ain't blowing on the same end that you did!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2014 Joke: Trouble on the roof Mike and Rob were laying tile on a roof when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder."I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder.""What, do you think I'm stupid?" Rob replied." I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light.""What, do you think I'm stupid?" Mike answers. "You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2014 Joke: House on fire A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets his daughter and brings her outside. Then his wife. Then the dog. Then he goes back in a couple of times without bringing out anybody.So a fireman asks him, "Why are you going back in there?"The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother-in-law." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2014 Joke: What they say at the funeral Three friends die in a car accident and attend an orientation in Heaven. An angel asks, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"The first guy says, "I would like them to say that I was a great doctor and a loving family man."The second guy says, "I would like them to say that I was a caring husband and a schoolteacher who made a huge difference to kids."The last guy says, "I would like them to say -- LOOK, he's moving!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2014 Joke: A girl’s first time As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.Naughty, Naughty! Excuse me, What were you thinking? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted September 3, 2014 Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke:Two old good boys Two good old boys, Mick & Paddy, have been promoted from privates to Lance Corporals.Not long afterward, they're out for a walk and Mick says, "Hey, Paddy, there's the NCO Club; let's you and me step in.""But we’re only privates," protests Paddy."We’re Lance Corporals now," says Mick, pointing to his stripe and pulling him inside. "Now, Paddy, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink.""But we're privates," says Paddy."You blind, boy?" asks Mick, pointing again at his stripe. "We're Lance Corporals now!"So they have their drink, and pretty soon one of the Army lasses comes up to Mick."You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."Mick pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Paddy, go look in the dictionary and see what Gonorrhea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."So Paddy goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Mick the big Thumbs Up.Three weeks later Mick is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.Mick says to Paddy, "Why did you give me the thumbs up?""Well Mick, in the dictionary, it saygonorrhea affects only the privates and we're Lance Corporals now! " unilad91 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted September 3, 2014 Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke:Murderous neighbour A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!""Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel.""You t*ghtwad!" blurts the spectator."Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill.""You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?""I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted September 3, 2014 Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke: Lucky motherducker Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons. This farmer had just inherited some of money from his brother's recent death. He couldn't decide which son he could send to college, since he could only afford to send one.This farmer also had two ducks. These ducks were retarded. They were only two ducks on the farm that weren't normal. He told his sons that whoever could get the most money for the duck would go to college.The sons went out in attempt to collect as much money as they could. The first son was walking down the street when he passed a man working in the yard. The man asked him if the duck was for sale, for the man loved the taste of ducks. He offered the son 10 dollars for his duck. The son decided this was very good, so he took it. He decided his brother wouldn't be able to get close to his success.The second son was walking and passed a whorehouse. He went in and said that he didn't have any money, but he would give them the duck. One girl said fine. After they f**ked, she decided that she didn't want the duck anymore. The son said he would take the duck back if they f**ked again. She agreed. After they f**ked the second time, the son left.He was walking home, thinking about what to do with the duck when it broke the leash. The duck ran out into the street and was hit by a car. The lady that hit it jumped from her car and started apologizing profusely. The son insisted it was ok, but the lady said she would pay for the duck. She was in a hurry, so she gave him 25 dollars and sped off.When the sons got home, the farmer asked the first son what he got. He proudly displayed the 10 dollars. The farmer was impressed. He asked the second son the same thing."That's nothing. I got a f**k for a duck, a duck for a f**k, and 25 dollars for a f**ked up duck." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted September 3, 2014 Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke:Mirror, mirror A woman with small Assets buys a finely carved mirror at an antique shop and hangs it on her bathroom door.The next morning, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my Assets size 44."There is a flash of light, and her Assets grow to enormous proportions.She runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.The husband crosses his fingers and says, "Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my shaft touch the floor."There's a flash of light, and both of his legs fall off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted September 3, 2014 Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke:Baby jobs Three babies in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up.The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here."The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here."The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer."The others look confused and ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?"He proudly replies, "So I can beat the hell out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted September 3, 2014 Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke: Ba ba black sheep Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex."It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and had sex for hours," Clem recalled."That sounds wonderful," said Jed."Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us.""Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you having sex with her daughter?""Baaaaa..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted September 3, 2014 Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke: Perfect future plans Teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"Little Johnny says: "I wanna be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, Find me the finest girlfriend, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, amansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, and an Infinite Visa Card, while having sex with her three times a day".The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson..."And how about you, Sarah?"Sarah: "I wanna be Johnny's Girlfriend." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted September 3, 2014 Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke:You bet your wife An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in a honeymoon suite. All night long, the bellboy hears laughing and clapping sounds from their room.The next morning, he asks the old man how he can do it all night at his age.The husband replies, "First, I remove my clothes. Then, I lie down on the bed face up. Then, my wife removes her clothes and lifts up my tool with one hand, and we make a bet. If it falls to left when she lets go, I win; if it falls to right, she wins."The bell boy asks, "Well, what if it doesn't fall?""Then we both win," says the old man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke: What’s the matter? Little Johnny came in from the backyard sobbing. His mother asked "What's the matter?" "Dad was fixing the fence and hit his thumb with the hammer," he said through his tears. "That's not so serious," his mother said, "and a big boy like you shouldn't cry about that. Why didn't you just laugh?" "I did!" cried Johnny. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke: School Jokes Principal: "I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all of your teachers. What have you been doing?"Johnny: "Nothing, sir." Principal: "Exactly!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke: School Jokes Teacher: What's the past participle of the verb "to ring?"Student: What do you think, sir?Teacher: I don't think. I KNOW.Student: I don't think I know either, sir. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke: School Jokes The mother says to her daughter, "Did you enjoy your first at school?"The daughter answers, "First day? Do you mean I have to go back again tomorrow?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke: Death certificate Two men are talking and one says to the other, “My wife’s doctor says she has menopause, and, man, has she been moody lately. How long do the symptoms of menopause usually last?” The other man replies, “Let me put it this way: menopause will be listed as the cause on your death certificate.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke: Vasectomy Stan is seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barge in holding their newborn baby. "Stop! You can't do this!" exclaims the brother. "And why not?" asks Stan. "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday? Like my wife and I have here?" Stan says nothing. The brother grows impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle." Stan can’t take it anymore. He gives his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asks his brother, "You're sure you want a nephew?" "Yes," the brother replies. "It would be an honour." "Well, congratulations, you're holding him." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke: How were people born? A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke: How were people born? A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Joke: An old man An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor asks him, "So how has life been treating you?" The old man replies, "The Lord's been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, he turns the light on and when I'm finished, he turns the light off." While the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor told her what her husband said. She replied, "Damn it! The old fart's been pissing in the ice box again!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 Joke:Too young too die On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane."I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a cowboy from Wyoming stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt. One button at a time. No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest. She gasps.He whispers in her ear, "Iron this... then get me a beer. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 Joke:Having a bad day A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric socket.Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she ran outside and grabbed a handy plank of wood and smacked him with it, breaking his arm in two places.Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his iPod. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 Joke: Emergency signals Two avid hunters take a hunter's safety class in which they learn that the universal signal for an emergency is three shots in the air.Sure enough, on their next hunting trip the two men get lost.One says to the other, "What shall we do?"The other says, I know fire three shots in the air and someone may come to find us.He fires off three shots, and they wait two hours. No sign of help.What shall we do? Fire off three more shots. So he does. Three hours later there is no response and it is getting dark. The one says "Shall we try again?"The other says, "I guess not... I only have two arrows left... Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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