clementi Posted October 4, 2014 Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Joke: Married LordA Lord got married. After the ceremony unmarried friends went to a brothel. Unexpectedly they met the Lord there.- Lord, what are you doing here now that you are married and have a beautiful young wife?- Well, she was so tired that fell asleep at once. I thought it is not worth to wake her up for just a few of pounds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Joke: - AnniversaryA man asks his wife during a 25 marriage anniversary:- Darling, have you been unfaithful to me?- Yes, honey, three times.- When was the first time?- Do you remember the situation when you went to a bank, but nobody would give you any credit? And finally the CEO of the bank himself signed the credit allowance to you.- Thanks, darling. And when was the second time?- Do you remember when you were very ill and nobody would agree to make the surgery for you? And finally the head of the department took care of you?- Thank you darling, you saved my life. And with whom have you been unfaithful to me for the third time?- Do you remember when you were a candidate to the position of city mayor and you were missing 36 votes? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Joke: Beer belly A sexy girl looks at the big beer belly of a man and asks:- Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg?- There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Joke: Policemen Three policemen are sitting in a car. Bored, as cards and domino make them sick already. On thinks of an idea:- Guys, let’s play golf. All we need is a stick, ball and a hole.- I can arrange a stick, – one says.- I will get a ball, - adds another.- Guys, I’m not playing this dirty game, - says the third one. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Joke: Sex partnersA doctor asks a patient while examining her:- How many sex partners did you have?- 5 or 6, don't remember exactly..- Hmm, not that many...- Yes, that wasn't the most successful weekend... Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Joke: Marriage certificate A wife to her husband:- Honey, what are you doing?- I'm reading our marriage certificate- What for?- I'm looking for the expiry date.. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Joke: Nothing Man: what you have prepared to eat today?Wife: nothingMan: but you did nothing yesterdayWife : I made it for two days. Wife: what you was doing today?Man: nothing Wife: Well, but you did nothing yesterdayMan: Haven't finished yet. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Joke: Whistle - Doc, every time after sex I hear whistle.- What's your age?- 70.- You know, this is very natural. It would strange if you heard applause... Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Joke: At the Dentist Monica is at the dentist. Half of her mouth is locked due to anaesthesia, the dentist is intensively working. Monica's mobile phone starts ringing. Ignoring it four times, the dentist finally answers the phone pissed: - What’s up?- What’s up?, - some man asks.Dentist:- Who are you?- I’m Monica’s husbandDentist:- Listen, man, I’m about to finish, she will spit it out and will call you back!!! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Joke: Good question Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband:- Honey, I have a sad news - a gynaecologist told me not have sex for a three weeks... Husband:- And what the dentist said? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2014 Joke: Brazilian style In the evening in bed, a man approaches his wife. She tries to get away, complaining having a headache. A man asks:- Darling, maybe let’s do IT the Brazilian style?Wife gets interested: ok!The husband does IT the same way as always, and after sex turns away and is about to fall asleep. The wife: - Honey, and what’s Brazilian about this?- Oh, really… Cha-cha-cha! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Daily shopping A lady is doing her daily shopping in the store near place she lives. She bought low fat milk, eggs, orange juice, salad, coffee and meat. While she was unloading the shopping from the basket, a drunk guy, who was standing behind her, was observing. While they were waiting in the line, the drunk guy says quietly: - I guess you are not married.The woman, slightly surprised by this statement, shows to be intrigued by the intuition of the drunk guy because he was right and she was not married. She turns back looking at her shopping without finding nothing strange, nothing that can show she was single. All at once she says: - You are right. Tell me, how did you guess?- You're tremendously ugly! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Masturbating A guy comes to his friend and finds him beating his dick with a hammer.- What are you doing?- I'm masturbating.- Masturbating with a hammer!? Are you enjoying it at all?- Yes, each time I miss it. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Anniversary A man enters in a wine store and asks the seller:- What would you advise me for the 25 anniversary of the wedding?- Dear sir, it depends if you want to celebrate or to forget. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Soup In a restaurant, a man ordered soup but, as soon as it arrived, he had to go to the bathroom. To make sure that nobody touched his soup while he is away, he wrote on a napkin: "I SPIT IN THE SOUP".When he returned, he found another message on napkin: "ME, TOO". Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Colleagues Two colleagues in the office:- How did it end the fight with your wife?- She came crawling to me.- And what did she say?- Get out from under the bed! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Band Two friends:- I heard that you have made a band.- Yes, it's a quartet.- How many of you are there?- There are three.- Three?- Me and my brother.- You have a brother?- No, why do you ask? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: The couple A couple is in bed making love. He asks:- Listen, what if I put it in your ear?- Are you crazy? I could become deaf.- If until today you didn’t become dumb I don’t think you will become deaf. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Policeman & blonde A policeman stops a blonde.- You are fined 50 dollars for the blinker that doesn’t work.- Great! The garage wanted to charge me 120. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Smoking A couple is in bed, smoking after sex. He:- According to what I saw and I felt tonight, I’m not the first.- Of course not, and according to what I felt, you’re not even the last. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Left hand In an elementary school, the teacher gives school work to the class. Everybody writes except little John. The teacher asks him:- John, why aren’t you writing?- I’m exhausted because of sex.- That should not be a problem, write with your left hand. clementi 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: 69 While making love, he says:- Darling, let's do 68!- 68??? What's that?- You do it to me and I'll owe you one. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Group sex Two friends:- Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come?- Of course! How many people are coming?- Three, if you bring your girlfriend. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: What the doctor say? A girl come to her boyfriend’s apartment and he starts immediately to undress her.- Stop, I just have been to the gynaecologist and he banned me sex for the next 3 months.- And what did your dentist say? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Masturbating A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. The husband:- Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Elephants in the city A man is driving on a city bus with a newspaper on his knee. From time to time, he rips a piece off, ripping that piece into smaller ones and throwing them out the window. A passenger standing near him asks:-Excuse me, why are you throwing pieces of paper out the window?-I’m chasing away the elephants-Chasing elephants? There aren’t elephants in the city.-Well that means it's working! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Condom One man calls emergency:- Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!After five minutes, the same man calls back:- It is OK, I found another one. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Buffering A couple is making sex. Suddenly the man stops, and he acting as he was frozen. The partner looked at him astonished and asks:- Are you normal, what are you doing?- My dear, this is the new trend from porno movies on Internet - it’s called buffering. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Taxi One woman stops a taxi.- To the airport, please.After ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says:- You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today.- Are you kidding me, I am not pregnant.- Well, you haven’t arrived to the airport yet neither. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Flavour Condoms Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.- Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:- Gorgonzola!- Wait, it is not on yet. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: lovers "My Darling," said a husband to his wife, “I invited a friend for lunch.”"What? Are you crazy?” The wife replied. The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, and I am not going to prepare any meal.” "I know that” husband replied.“So why did you invite him then”? She asked.“Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2014 Joke: Taxi drivers A guy went to a casino and lost all 10 000$. Swearing for the situation he goes to a taxi driver and asks:- I have lost all my money, please give me a ride back home for free.- F**k off, no money, no ride.The next day the guys come to casino again and this time he successfully won all the money back and 10 000$ extra. Hi goes out of the casino happily and sees five taxis, and the last car is the one, which refused to give a ride for free yesterday. He goes to the first taxi and says:- Will you take me home for 100$?- Sure!- But when you take me there you'll have to do the blow-job as well- F**k off, man..The guys goes to all next three cars and the story repeats. Finally he goes to the last taxi driver, who refused to help a day ago, and says:- Will you take me home for 100$?- Sure!- Deal, but you have to pass through those other four taxi drivers very, very slowly. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: Lemon - Mummy, mummy, does a lemon have a beak?- No it doesn't my son.- Oops, so it was a canary that I squeezed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: Farmers - Why farmers have it bigger than the guys from city?- ???- Because they haven't had toys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: 2 Friends Two friends:- What is it: it weighs 500 pounds, it provides heat during the winter but hangs on the tree during the summer?- ???- It is a stove.- A stove that hangs on a tree?- Why does it matter to you where I keep my stove during the summer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: Jokes fun club A jokes fun club. All the jokes are catalogued and the old members know their numbers. An old member says:- Five!All laugh. Another member:- Twenty four!General laugh. A newbie, first time in one session, saw that's enough tell the number of a joke, decides to try:- Sixteen!Absolute silence. Nobody laugh. One of the old members tells him:- Colleague, doesn’t matter the joke, it’s important to tell it well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: Take a bus or walk Two policemen are going to work:- Shall we take a bus or walk?- Well, let’s see what arrives first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: Santa Claus & Policeman - Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spot a hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money?- ???- The stupid policeman, since Santa Claus and the smart policeman don’t exist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: DrinkingA patient to a doctor:- Doc, I guess I am allergic to leather shoes. Whenever I wake up with my shoes on, I feel terrible headache. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: My best friendTwo friends talking:- What's up?- My wife left me for my best friend..- I thought I was your best friend...- Now he is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: Gay - Have you heard? Professor Mr. Smith from our apartment house is a gay! - Waw, what a surprise! I have been sleeping with him for half of a year, but never knew he was a professor.. worldangel 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Gay Joke: He’s so cute A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood. His father asks him, "What's wrong, son?" The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gay. The father says, "Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop." The kid replies, "Yeah, but he's so cute!" worldangel 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: Mail...A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mail box, opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later they came out again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house they went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the neighbour came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by his neighbour’s actions the man asked, "Is something wrong?" To which the neighbour (who was not very computer savvy) replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: A doctor said to his patient: ...A doctor said to his patient: "You have a slight heart condition, but I wouldn't worry about it.""Really, Doc?" the patient replied. "Well, if you had a slight heart condition I wouldn't worry about it either” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: Supermarket Mother A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son who just died recently." "I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?" "Yes," she said. "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye mother'? It would make me feel much better." "Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!" "Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: Door To Door Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said: “Ma’am, before you do that again you need to move your cat.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: Hair Spray A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,"Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: A doctor broke the bad news to... A doctor broke the bad news to a man, that his wife would have to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. “I’m afraid her mind’s completely gone,” he said. “Makes sense,” mumbled the man. “She’s been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 15 years.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: Too Little, Too Late A man arrived at the Pearly Gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter opened the gate and said, I’ve been checking your file. I can’t see that you did anything really good in your life, but you never did anything bad either. I’ll tell you what, if you can tell me one really good deed that you did, I’ll admit you.So the man answered, once I was driving down the road and saw a gang of thugs attaching a poor man along the side of the road. So I pulled over, got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron, and walked straight up to the gang’s leader a huge, ugly guy with a chain running from his nose to his ear. Undaunted, I ripped the chain out of his ear and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and, wielding my tire iron, yelled to the rest of them, you all leave this poor man alone! Go home before I teach you a lesson you’ll never forget!Impressed, St. Peter asked, Really? I can’t seem to find this in your file. When did all this happen?"Oh, about two minutes ago. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted October 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Joke: Visiting the modern art museum... Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby."This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?""No, madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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