worldangel Posted November 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Fishing A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Lack of tact A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room." She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that. The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference." She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Hearing check Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to allow him to hear 100%. A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks if his family is pleased. The man says, "Oh, I haven't told them about the hearing aids yet. I just sit around and listen to them talk. I've changed my will three times!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Elder pick-up A well dressed, debonair man in his mid nineties enters an upscale cocktail lounge and finds a seat next to a good looking, younger woman in her mid eighties, at the most. Trying to remember his best pick-up line, he says, "So tell me, do I come here often?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Paying the bill Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Nursing home Two old ladies, Sunny and Tina, were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain. Tina pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. Sunny: "What's that?" Tina: "A condom." Sunny: "Where'd you get it?" Tina: "You can get them at any chemist" The next day, Sunny hobbled into the local chemist and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a pack of condoms. The guy looked at her strangely (she was, after all, in her eighties), but politely asked what brand she preferred. "Doesn't matter," she replied, "as long as it fits on a Camel." The pharmacist fainted. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Falling asleepTwo old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!'. The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Retirement centre Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" John says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just pooped my pants." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: The guardian angel A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Bird Viagra A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. "How come you are sweating?" he asks. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Washing A man is intensively washing his jeans, mumbling:- You cannot trust anyone these days! Not a single person! Even yourself... I was only trying to fart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: A dogA wife tries to teach the dog to sit up. After a few fails her husband tells: - Darling, forget it, you won't succeed...- Don't worry - replies his wife - in the beginning it was difficult with you as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Policemen Three policemen are sitting in a car. Bored, as cards and domino make them sick already. On thinks of an idea:- Guys, let’s play golf. All we need is a stick, ball and a hole.- I can arrange a stick, – one says.- I will get a ball, - adds another.- Guys, I’m not playing this dirty game, - says the third one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Hates you?- Is it true that the family of your love hates you?- It is true. His wife said she is ready to strangle me with her hands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: BirthdayA husband asks his wife:- Darling, what would you like for your birthday?- I don’t care as long as it has automatic transmission. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: At the psychologist At the psychologist:- My wife does not like that I snore...- So what would you like to get rid of: snoring or your wife? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: I'm leaving you - I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight...- But honey, what about our kid?- What kid?- So you are not you pregnant?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Whistle - Doc, every time after sex I hear whistle.- What's your age?- 70.- You know, this is very natural. It would strange if you heard applause... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: HusbandTwo ladies talk:- Yesterday when I was feeling so depressed my husband came up to me and started to console me as much as he could. And he could twice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: FridgeWhy married women are more fat than single ones? Single women return home, take a look what's inside the fridge and go to bed. Married women return home, take a look who's in bed and turns to fridge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: LuxuryThe man tells his friend: - My wife wants me to take her to some luxurious place. I think I could take her to petrol station for gasoline... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Thoughts Husband to wife:- Darling, I have to confess you that when I’m having sex with you, I sometimes think about other women.- Oh you bastard. When I have sex with other men, I always think about you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Sleeping disorder My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.No wonder her dad did not want her to move out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Goose and pig A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says:- Why did you have to bring a pig in with you?The lady answers:- Excuse me, I think this is a goose. And the bartender says:- Excuse me, I was talking to the goose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Fortune-teller A lady comes to fortune-teller, who can read palms.- Will anyone marry me?- No.- But you haven't even looked at my palm.- I see it from your face... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: WineA wife and a husband sit in the room and enjoys a bottle of wine. Suddenly the wife says:- I love you.Husband asks in surprise:- Is that you or wine talking?- This is me, I'm talking to wine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: BeggarWife: I hate that beggar.Husband: Why?Wife: Yesterday I gave him food and today he gave me a book "How to Cook"! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Beer bellyA sexy girl looks at the big beer belly of a man and asks:- Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg?- There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Girlfriend My girlfriend used to give amazing blow jobs, but lately they haven't been so great - they are starting to hurt me now since her baby teeth started growing in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 Joke: Brazilian styleIn the evening in bed a man approaches his wife. She tries to get away, complaining having a headache. A man asks:- Darling, maybe let’s do IT the Brazilian style?Wife gets interested: ok!The husband does IT the same way as always, and after sex turns away and is about to fall asleep.The wife: - Honey, and what’s Brazilian about this?- Oh, really… Cha-cha-cha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 23, 2014 Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Office party John woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face." "He`s an asshole," John said. "Piss on him." "You did," came the reply. "And he fired you." "Well, screw him!" said John. "I did. You`re back at work on Monday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 23, 2014 Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Cruel treatment A woman passenger in a horse-drawn cab has offered the driver a large tip if he can deliver her to her destination in a hurry. However, she is horrified at the cruel whipping the driver is giving the horse to make him go faster. "My good man, is there no other way you could urge the horse along?" she asks. "Yessum," the cab driver cheerfully replies, "but, I've got to save his balls for the hill!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 23, 2014 Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Hungry monkey A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 23, 2014 Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Showing gratitude The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said: "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 23, 2014 Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: It’s the carborator Once there was an insurance salesman from the city going out to the farm community to sell insurance to the farmers. He was way out in the country when he had engine trouble. Not knowing anything about cars he gets out and looks under the hood anyway. All of a sudden he hears a voice that says " Its the carborator " The insurance man jumps , and looks around, seeing no one . He then looks under the hood again hoping it is something visible that he could fix himself, when he hears the voice again " Its the carborator " The man jumps again and turns around only seeing a large Brahma bull behind him. Scared out of his wits he takes off running to the nearest farm house he can see. He knocks on the door, the farmer answers, the man immediately goes into his speal about the bull. The farmer scratches his head and says " Does he have one straight ear and one floppy ear? " The man nods "Yes, Yes ". The farmer laughs and says " Don't worry about him he doesn't know as much about cars as he thinks he does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 23, 2014 Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Moon or sun? Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night... look at the moon." The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." They started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 23, 2014 Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Shitty ducks A fancy lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods. Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with shit, crossed her path. "Oh, dear," the lady said, "come on, I'll clean you!" She took a Kleenex from her purse and whipped the duck clean. After finishing, she urged the duck away saying, "Be careful next time!" She walked on and another duck, with shit all over it, crossed her way. Again she took out a Kleenex and cleaned the little duck. She warned this one as well and the duck took off. Soon after, she encountered a third duck with the same problem. "Now I've had it!" She whinned. "What have you all been doing?" And for the third time she acted like a Florence Nightingale and tended the duck. She continued her stroll when suddenly she heard a voice from the bushes. "Hey, you, lady!" sounded a male voice in distress. "Yes?" she replied. "Do you have a Kleenex?" "No, not anymore," she answered. "Too bad. I guess I'll just have to use another duck." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 23, 2014 Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Rude parrot On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you". The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 23, 2014 Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Story with a moral A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted November 23, 2014 Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Snoring roommate By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time" said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine" explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Who's the fastest Three kids argue, whose father is the fastest. One says:- My father is the fastest, he can overtake the arrow that he shooted with the arch.The second one:- My father is even faster - when he hunts, he can gunshoot an animal and run up to the animal before it fells down.The third:- You actually don't understand what speed is. My father works in municipality. He finishes work at 4:30 pm, but he's back home by 3:45 pm already Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Personal question A guy walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar. "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" he said to her. "I don't know," replied the beautiful young woman. "It depends how personal it is." "OK," the guy said. "How many men have you slept with?" "I'm not going to tell you that!" the woman exclaimed. "That's my business!" "Sorry," said the guy, "I didn't realize you made a living out of it." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Better news Harry answers the telephone and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, & I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms & both legs, & will need help eating & going to the bathroom for the rest of her life." Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?" The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Cough treatment The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!" The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Old marriage The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the doctor learned he was about to marry an eighteen-year-old girl. "Now, Mr. Jenkins", the doctor warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries an eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt". The old man shrugged, "If she dies, she dies". Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Need light A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor. The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?" "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb." The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?" "What? And work in the dark?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Decent crook After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned. There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, 'I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.' Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, 'Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Hairy armpits A drunk is sitting at a bar when a woman stands behind him and raises her arm really high to get the bartender's attention. She has very hairy armpits. The drunk sees this and yells at the bartender, "Get the ballerina a drink." She gets her drink and goes away. Later she returns and raises her arm again. The drunk sees her and yells to the bartender, "Get the ballerina another drink." She gets her drink and goes away again. The bartender asks the drunk how he knows that she is a ballerina given that she is a stranger and has never been in the bar before. The drunk replies, "She's got to be a ballerina if she can lift her leg that high." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Haircut A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber look around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?" Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?" Joey says, "To your house!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Joke: Alcohol honesty A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she had selected the following items: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A half carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A small head of romaine lettuce, A 2-pound can of coffee, And a 1-pound package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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