worldangel Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 Joke: Bubba is dead A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, and then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, he's dead. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 Joke: Heaven’s test Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 Joke: No need to pay The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, 'What'll you have?' The guy answers, 'A scotch, please.' The bartender hands him the drink, and says 'That'll be five dollars,' to which the guy replies, 'What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this.' A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, 'You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.' The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, 'Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again.' The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, 'What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!' The guy says, 'What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!' The bartender replies, 'I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.' To which the guy replies, 'Thank you. Make it a scotch.' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 Joke: Robbing lawyers Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand. Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, "What is this?" to which lawyer number one replies, "It's that $50 I owe you." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 Joke: Heaven’s test Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 Joke: Brain transplant A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points. After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center's director that he was an acceptable candidate. "That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive." "Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a Democrat's brain is seventy-five thousand dollars.""Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a Democrat's brain? Why on earth is that?" "Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many Democrats we would have to kill?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 Joke:Clever Physician A young woman wasn’t feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician. “I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that.” The woman went to the doctor’s office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced. “I’m back!” Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, “Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) Joke:Good night kiss All Bill asked for was a little good-night kiss, but Anne haughtily rebuffed him with, “I don’t do that sort of thing on my first date!” “Well,” Bill replied with sarcasm, “how about on your last date?” Edited February 10, 2015 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 Joke:Young widow The young widow was kneeling at her husband’s grave tending to the weeds, when she felt the grass rustle beneath her skirt. She smiled and said “Easy sweetheart, you’re dead now ya know.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 Joke:Fasten seats belt Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. “Well,” she explained, “up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend.In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees. “What would you do?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 Joke:A robust-looking gentleman A robust-looking gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. “Do you recall,” he asked pleasantly, “how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn’t pay for it, you had me thrown into the gutter like a common bum?” “I’m very sorry sir.” began the contrite headwaiter.“Oh, it’s quite all right.” said the guest, “but I’m afraid I’ll have to trouble you again…” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 Joke:Ten years after married A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it’s all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 Joke: Love & Sex At the retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words ‘sex’ and ‘love.’ The woman wrote: ‘When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much, just like Sam and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act physical sex with one another.’ And Sam wrote: ‘I love sex.’ Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 Joke:A CEO Speech The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention so he asked one of his employees, Jenkins, to write him a punch, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. “What’s the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?”, he demanded. “Half the audience walked out before I finished.” Jenkins was baffled. “I wrote you a 20-minute speech,” he replied. “I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke: Christmas It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. “What are you charged with?” he asked.“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.“That’s no offense,” replied the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”“Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke: Nurse nanny Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy. “She’s incredibly mixed up,” said one doctor. “She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!” The second doctor said, “That’s nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!” Suddenly, they hear this bloodcurdling scream from down the hall. “Omigod!” said the first doctor, “I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith’s boil!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke:Under oath “You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. “If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment,” replied the witness. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke:My confidence A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to rob the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading:“Please don’t use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob.”He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: “My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke:Unfaithful wife A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife in unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do?” “Relax,” says the Doctor, “take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, where exactly is Larry’s bar?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke: Carnival A guy goes to a carnival and sees a sign – Kisses : $5 to $50 bucks. He asks the gal, “Is the price difference due to the duration of the kiss?” To which she replies, “Nope. Lip placement.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke: Super computer Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, “There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You’ll have to get rid of that coffee.” The officer said meekly, “Sure, but why?”“Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke:Horse in constipation Farmer Gossman goes to the vet and says, “My horse is constipated.”The vet says, “Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, stick the other end in the horse’s rear, and blow the pill up there.” Farmer Gossman comes back the next day, and he looks very sick.The vet says, “What happened?” Farmer Gossman says, “The horse blew first.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke: Too late An old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he was startled awake by the doorbell. He staggered off the couch to make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman. “Oh my goodness,” the pretty young thing exclaimed, “I’m at the wrong house.” “Sweetheart, you’re at the right house,” the old guy assured her. “But you’re forty years too late.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke:Looking for a drummer As a nightclub owner, I hired a pianist and a drummer to entertain my customers. After several performances, I discovered that the drummer had walked away with some of my valuables. I notified police, who arrested him. Desperate for another drummer, I called a friend who knew some musicians. “What happened to the drummer you had?” he asked me. “I had him arrested,” I replied. We said good-bye and hung up.A few minutes later my friend called back and asked, “How badly did he play?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke:A great time The boyfriend said, “We’re going to have a GREAT time Saturday. I’ve got three tickets for the show.” “Why do we need three?” asked the girl.“They’re for your father, mother and kid sister,” he replied. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke:65-year old man An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. “Do you think she’d marry me if I tell her I’m 45?” he asked a friend.“Your chances are better,” said the friend, “if you tell her you’re 90.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke: Motorcycle Patrolman A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off. Written in large black letters was the sentence. ” Get well quick….. from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke:Epidural When I was pregnant with my second child, I was certain that I wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth. My doctor asked me at which stage of labor did I want the epidural administered. I responded: “Just meet me in the parking lot!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke: Rambling rose A man took a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they went on to a show. The evening was a huge success and as he dropped her at her door he said, “I have had a lovely time. You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful rambling rose. May I call on you tomorrow?” She agreed and a date was made. The next night he knocked on her door and when she opened it, she slapped him hard across the face. He was stunned. “What was that for?” he asked.She said, “I looked up rambling rose in the encyclopedia last night and it said, ‘Not well suited to bedding, but is excellent for rooting up against a garden wall’.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke: Two men Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, “Vietnam, 1969.” The other points his thumb behind him and says, “Dog doo, 20 feet back.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke: Dr. Jones Dr. Jones was very tired so he got his wife to answer the phone by the bed, say he was out, and give advice which he whispered to her. “Thank you very much, Mrs. Jones.” said the patient who called, “but I should like to ask you one thing. Is that gentleman who seems to be in bed with you fully qualified?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke: An amateur photographer An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented “These are very good! You must have a good camera.” He didn’t make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said “That was a really delicious meal! You must have some very good pots.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Joke: Paper thin wall As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor. “Give this to your husband,” he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. “He’s been yelling for it for 15 minutes!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: All smiles Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner. "Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. "Thought he was having his picture taken." Joke: All smiles Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner. "Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. "Thought he was having his picture taken." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: All smiles Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner. "Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. "Thought he was having his picture taken." Joke: All smiles Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner. "Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. "Thought he was having his picture taken." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: Elderly woman portrait An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted.She told the artist: “Paint me with diamond ear-rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach and a gold Rolex.” The confused artist said: “But you’re not wearing any of those things.” “I know,” she said. “But if I die before my husband, I’m sure my husband will remarry. And I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: Mailman One day, little Mikey comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize theboy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong. Mikey watches, and after a couple of minutes asks, “Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsy ride?” “Of course, Son, we’re a family.” So Mikey climbs on and after a few more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly. “Hang on Dad!”, cries Mikey, “this is where me and the mailman usually fall off!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: A period A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boy called upon walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a Small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. “It’s a period,” said the little boy.“Well, I can see that,” she said, “but what is so exciting about a period?” “Damned if I know,” said the little boy, “but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: A sailor and a pirate One day in a tavern, a sailor and a pirate were comparing stories of their adventures. The pirate had a peg leg, one hook for a hand and an eye patch. The sailor asked about his peg leg. “I lost it in a shark attack,” the pirate said. “What happened to your hand?”“That I lost in a sword fight,” the pirate answered. And when he was asked about his patch, he explained a seagull dropping fell into his eye. Astonished, the sailor said, “You mean to say that you lost your eye because of a seagull dropping?”“Well,” the pirate replied, “it happened the first day I had the hook.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: Handcuffs While walking through the Northern California woods a man came up to another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, “Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?” “I’m listening to the music of the tree,” the other man replied.“You gotta be kiddin’ me.”“No, would you like to give it a try?”Understandably curious, the man says,“Well, OK…” So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left. Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, “What the hell happened to you?” He told the guy the whole story about how he got there. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him behind the ear and said, “This just isn’t gonna be your day.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: Feel like woman A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm. The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightning. The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to crash and that they are all going to die. At the height of the storm, a young woman jumps up and exclaims, “I can’t take this anymore! I can’t just sit here and die like an animal, strapped into a chair. If I am going to die, let me at least die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to make me feel like woman?” She sees a hand raise in the back, and a muscular man starts to walk up to her seat. As he approaches her, he takes off his shirt. She can see the man’s muscles even in the poor lighting of the plane. He stands in front of her, shirt in hand and says to her, “I can make you feel like a woman before you die. Are you interested?” Eagerly, she shakes her head and exclaims, “Yes!” The man hands her his shirt and says, “Here, iron this.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: Wooden leg A man and woman meet in a bar and start to dance. She comments on how the man is a wonderful dancer. He says, not bad for a man with a wooden leg, eh? She says, yeah right, you don’t have a wooden leg. Well watch. So he unscrewed his leg and proved it to her. Later, dropping her off at home he kisses her and she say’s my you embrace me divinely. He says not bad for a man with a wooden arm, huh? They go inside and play cards with her parents.She says, my you play a wonderful game of cards. He say’s not bad for a guy with a wooden head eh? She say’s you don’t have a wooden head. He say’s come into the next room and I’ll show you. The parents waited quite a while but finally look and sure enough he was screwing his head off. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: Comb Teacher : “How come you do not comb your hair?”Ah Kow : “No comb, Sir.”Teacher : “Use your dad’s then.”Ah Kow : “No hair, Sir.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: Difference A teacher was asking her class: “What is the difference between ‘unlawful’ and ‘illegal’?”Only one hand shot up. “Ok, answer, Joan,” said the teacher.“‘unlawful’ is when u do something the law doesn’t allow and ‘illegal’ is a sick eagle.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: State capitals Well, there was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes.So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do…I memorized all the state capitals.”One of the guys, of course, said “I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?” “N,” she answered. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: Seagull A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. “Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked.“He died and went to Heaven,” the dad replied.The boy thought a moment and then said, “Did Heaven throw him back down?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: Wife’s appointment One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The Husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: Lights out In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the smell of gas. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition-lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the vision of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away.\ Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician that was suspected of causing the explosion had never been thought of as “bright” by his peers. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: Great time tonight The young man said to his sweetheart, “We’re going to have a great time tonight. I have three theatre tickets.” The young girl said, “Why do we need three tickets?”“They’re for your father, mother, and kid sister!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Joke: A helping hand A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn’t quite reach it. The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell.He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, “What now?” The boy answered, “Now we run like crazy!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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