worldangel Posted March 8, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Joke: A fart-smeller There's a woman that has a big problem when it came to farting. She farts all the time, yet is never be able to smell or hear them. So one day she decides to go to the doctor about the problem. She tells him how she is always leaving these long, hard farts that she can never smell or hear. The doctor thinks about it and sends her home with some pills, telling her to come back a week later. When she comes back to his office, she tells him how she still is having these horrible farts, but now they smell like rotting eggs. The doctor's only reaction to this was... "It's good to know we cleared up your sinuses. Now to work on your hearing...." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 8, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Joke:Toothbrush salesman A man is looking in the classified ads for a job. He notices an advertisement for a toothbrush salesman and figured that couldn''t such a bad job. So, he calls in, he goes in and they hire him. The next day, he heads out to a neighborhood to make some sales. Five hours later he comes home and says, “Man, I only sold one toothbrush. That's not enough” So the next day he goes to a richer neighborhood, thinking maybe those people would buy more toothbrushes. He ends up selling two toothbrushes. So he goes to his boss for advice and his boss says, “Look, you're a great guy and all, but you gotta come up with a gimmick or something.” So, the salesman thinks about it and, later that night, he finally comes up with one. So the next day, he sets up a booth near the subway with a sign that says “Free chips and dip” A guy walks over and puts the chip in the dip and says, “This tastes like shit.” And the salesman replied, “Yeah, it is. Wanna buy a toothbrush?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Joke: Knitting A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms. When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair. The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool down there." The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Joke:Doctor, help A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. “Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.” “Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus. The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?” Seamus told him that he took care of three patients. “The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.” “Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor. “The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus. “Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor. “Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!” “Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor. “I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Joke:Guessing game There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?” Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50 The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?” Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Joke:How many cigars a day? “How many cigars do you smoke a day?” “About ten.” “What do they cost you?” “Twenty cents a piece.” “My, that’s two dollars a day. How long have you been smoking?” “Thirty years.” “Two dollars a day for thirty years is a lot of money.” “Yes, it is.” “Do you see that office building on the corner?” “Yes.” “If you had never smoked in your life you might own that fine building.” “Do you smoke?” “No, never did.” “Do you own that building?” “No.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke: Decent crook After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned. There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, 'I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.' Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, 'Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke: Politeness A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?" "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." he said. "We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your 'ear' or whatever." The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my 'ear'," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?" "I can't piss out of it." the man replied Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke:No symptoms Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore." Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do." The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Ok, you may put your clothes back on." The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke:Take in a boarder An elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, and would he have any suggestions. "Yes," says the Doctor, "I would advise you to take in a boarder." A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is going. He says fine, his wife is pregnant. The Doctor remarks, "So you took my advise and took in a boarder?" "Yes I did," is the reply, "and she's pregnant also." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke: Death sex An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again because the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he'd better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation. This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs. She's coming downstairs, he's heading up. "Honey, I have a confession to make," the woman says, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide." "I'm glad to hear it, sweetie," the man says, "Because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke: A stiff neck A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke:Two AA batteries Woman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, "Come this way," and heads towards the back of the store. "If I could come that way," she tells the retreating clerk, "I wouldn't need the batteries." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke: A caring husband A couple just moved into a hotel and the hotel clerk asks the man after helping him with his luggage, "Anything else?" "No, thanks," "Maybe, your wife needs something?" "Oh, yeah. Thank you for your reminder. Do you sell greeting cards?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke: Married woman "Darling," she whispered after they had finished making love, "Will you still make love like that to me after we're married?" He considered this for a moment, and then replied, "I think so. I've always been especially fond of married women." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke:Artificial respiration A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex. "Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!" But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing. "Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!" "WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke:Paying rent "That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told a neighbor. "You didn't do it, did you?" "I have to admit I did, though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke: Big city woman Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at the local bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." His friend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose women' ya always hear about." "You don't say," said the first man. "Bet that was costly." "Nope," Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke:Dinner The newly married man came home from work to find his new bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed in a negligee. "Guess what I got planned for dinner?" she asked seductively. "And don't you dare tell me you had it for lunch today." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke:A naïve bride A naive young girl goes into the doctor's office. She says, "Doc, I'm getting married and I'm a little inexperienced, so I'd like to ask you a few questions." He says, "All right." She says, "All right, what is that thing that hangs between my fiancé's legs?" The doctor says, "That's the penis. The male organ, the penis." She says, "Okay. And what is that big red knob at the end?" The doctor says, "That's the glans. The head of the penis, the glans." She says, "Okay. And what are those two round things, about twelve inches behind the head?" The doctor says, "Well, lady, I don't know about your fiancé, but on me, they're the cheeks of my ass." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke: Arthritis The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand." "And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions," the medic said. "Hell, no," the old fellow replied. "I want to borrow your Lamborghini." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke: The watch The young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said, "Just how much is that watch?" "It's $2000, ma'am." "Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it?" "Just what sort of 'time schedule' did you have in mind?" "I was thinking two times a week for the next two months." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke:Four streams A girl goes to the doctor. She says, "Doc, I'm freakin' out. I'm freakin' out. My pee's coming out in four streams." He says, "Get up on the table and I'll see what I can do." She gets up on the table, and as he's examining her, he starts to giggle. She says, "It's not funny. My pee's coming out in four streams." He says, "It won't anymore. I took the trouser button out of there." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke: Medial solution A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?" The Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke:Confusion Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results. The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible." "What do you mean?" "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife." "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" asked Mr. Smith. "Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once." "Well, what am I supposed to do now?" "The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Joke: More uses A very proper man started going into the neighbourhood pharmacy every week to buy 2 dozen boxes of condoms. Week after week he would come in with the same order. One day the pharmacist felt he had to say something to the man. "Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about getting lucky! How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?" The man looked at him in disgust and said, "I beg your pardon, but I find the whole idea of sex repulsive!" "So," the pharmacist asked, "then what do you do with all those condoms?" The gentleman answered, "I feed them to my poodle and now she poops in little plastic bags." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Rash driving A couple hired a new chauffeur. The memsahib asked him to take her out for shopping and was very shaken by the experience. Back home, she pleaded with her husband, "Please dear, you must sack this new chauffeur at once. He is so rash he nearly killed me three times this morning." "Darling, don't be so hasty," replied the husband, "give him another chance." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Marriage vows When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died, his wife, Myrtle was devastated. A couple of months later, Myrtle also died. Once in heaven, Myrtle anxiously looked for Joe. Suddenly, behind a Cloud, she could clearly see him with another woman. She ran towards him, calling his name, "Joe. Darling, Joe" Joe said, "Hold your horses woman, and don't give me that 'darling' sh*t. The deal was very clear: 'Until death do us part'." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Who is Marylou? A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation." "Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."' The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again. "What was that for?" he complained. "Your dog called last night." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Different wavelengths The female brain works on a different tangent than male. Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about life. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying. I told her, "Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state, I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive. I'd much rather die!" My wife got up from the sofa with a real look of admiration towards me & proceeded to disconnect the Cable TV & DVD, then the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all my whisky, rum, gin & vodka and the beer from the fridge... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Widow’s future A woman visits a fortuneteller who tells her, "Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year. But you will make a fortune" Visibly shaken, the woman takes a few deep breaths, steadies her voice and asks, "Will I be acquitted or will they catch me for the crime? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Falling on a deaf ears Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, "Boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop!" The other Buddy says, "When my wife goes off on me I just don't listen." "How do you do that?" says the other. "It's easy! I turn off the light!" Joke: Message delivered Husband sent a text to his wife at night, "Hi Honey! I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return." After a while he sent another text, "And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car." She text back, "OMG really?" Husband replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Guts & Balls There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We have all heard of people having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions: GUTS: Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?" BALLS: Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: "You're next, Baby." I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. However there is No difference in the outcome. Both are fatal. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Marriage vows When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died, his wife, Myrtle was devastated. A couple of months later, Myrtle also died. Once in heaven, Myrtle anxiously looked for Joe. Suddenly, behind a Cloud, she could clearly see him with another woman. She ran towards him, calling his name, "Joe. Darling, Joe" Joe said, "Hold your horses woman, and don't give me that 'darling' sh*t. The deal was very clear: 'Until death do us part'." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Share and Share alike An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink. The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them." As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man replies that they''re just fine - they''re just used to sharing everything. The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn''t eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman says "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything." As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asks "May I ask what is it you are waiting for?" The old woman answers... "THE TEETH." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Wife traits How various wife's fight with their respective husbands... Pilot's wife: Don't fly too high... Teacher's wife: Don't teach me... Painter's wife: I'll paint you... Dhobi's wife: I'll wash you... Actor's wife: Don't act too much... Dentist's wife: I'll break your teeth... CA's wife: Stay with proper accountability... Engineer's wife: I'll loosen all your parts... Architect's wife: Stay straight or else I'll change your architecture... and the Best one Marketing Executive's wife: If you speak too much I'll sell you on OLX... Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Happy mother’s day! A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally, the husband asked what was wrong. "Nothing," said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again, "Seriously, what's wrong?" "Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother's Day, you don't even tell me so much as 'Thank you.'" "Why should I?" he said. "Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father's Day gift." "Yes," she said, "but I'm their real mother." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Playing by the rules At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach, "now go over there and explain it to your mother." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Bed football An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!" His wife looked at him and said, "What the hell are you doing?" He simply replied, "Just playing bed football." Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, "Tie game - 7,7." The husband's competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining... when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, "Now what's the score?" He said, "Still 7,7. End of quarter switch sides!!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: A friendly honest neighbour A man received the following text from his neighbour: I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting it at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. Bob, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife". Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Pregnant wife A man frantically speaks into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asks. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Always love your husband Love your husband when he orders you to make tea or coffee because he wants to feel fresh to listen your nonstop talks... Love him if he looks at all the beautiful females because he is just checking that you are still the best ? Love him if he criticises your cooking because he is still improving his taste. Love him if he snores at night and disturbs your sleep because he is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person after being married to you. Love him if he forgets to give you a gift on your birthday because he is saving money for your future. Love him... Because you don't have a choice and killing is a legal offence Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Keeping pure A guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis, after the second week, he made his move. "No thank you," she said politely." "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult," the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Polishing apples A young man asked a rich old man how he made his money. The old guy said: Son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression I was down to my last nickel. I invested that in an apple and spent the entire day polishing it. At the end of the day, I sold the apple for 10 cents! The next day, I invested those 10 cents in 2 apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents. I continued this 4 a month. By the end of which I had accumulated a fortune of $.1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us 2 Million Dollars...! MORAL: Hard Work Is Just sh*t. Find A Chick Whose Father Is Rich. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: How to avoid speeding ticket A guy was speeding down the road and got pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper said, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going ?" The driver looked at the trooper and said, "Do you see the woman sitting in the passenger seat ?" The trooper said. "Yes." "Thats my wife," the driver said to the trooper, "Do you see the woman sitting in the back seat ?" The trooper said, "Yes." "Thats my mother in law. She lives with us. They just had a big spat and she said she was moving out. I'm trying to get them home before they make up !!!!" The trooper wrote him a warning and then gave him an escort home with lights flashing. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Stupid husband Saturday morning I got up very early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, slipped quietly into the garage loaded the truck with rifle and stand, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out hunting in that sh*t?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Whom to marry? Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot." The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices." The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid." The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'" Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'" Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Ex-wife George decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, George and his new wife was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him. After long period of silence she finally speaks, "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we're married I think it's time you quit golfing. Maybe you should sell your clubs and golf cart." George gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong"? George says, "There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife." "Ex-wife" she screams! "I didn't know you were married before!!!" George retorts, "I wasn't..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke: Complaining about the food Two women were discussing marriage, and one said, "We've been married twenty-five years, and every night my husband has complained about the food. Not one night without complaining about the food." The other woman said, "That's awful. Doesn't it bother you?" The first one said, "Not in the slightest." Said the other woman, "You must be a saint!" To which, the first woman replied, "No. Why should I object? Many people don't like the food they cook." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Joke:The break-up The young salesman finally plucked up the courage to tell his fiancee that he was breaking off their engagement so that he could marry another woman. "Can she cook like I can?" asked the distraught fiancee "Not even on her best day!" replied the salesman. "Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?" "No, she's broke", the salesman said in agreement. "Well then, is this all about 'relations'?" cried out the devastated woman. "No, nobody does it like you babe," assured the salesman. "Then what is it?" she screamed "What can she do that I can't"? The salesman sighed, took a deep breath, looked his ex-fiancee straight in the eyes and said, "She can sue me for child support." And then it hit him... the four slice toaster he had bought for her the previous birthday Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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