worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Joke: Playing Adam & Eve Dad: Shame on you, Peter. Why did you hit your little sister? Peter: Well, Daddy, we were playing Adam and Eve with the apple and all. Well, instead of tempting me with that apple, she ate the thing herself! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Joke:It was accident “Mary, why did you kick your brother in the stomach?!exclaimed the angry mother. “It was pure accident, Mama. He turned around.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Joke:He thinks he’s a chicken Mrs. Peterson went to the doctor: “I’m terribly worried about my boy. He thinks he’s a chicken.” The doctor asked, “And how long has this been going on?” “Almost a year,” Mrs. Peterson replied. “Well for goodness sakes! Why didn’t you bring him to see me sooner?” “Because we needed the eggs!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Joke:Goodbye A family took a trip to Disney World. After three exhausting days, they headed home. As they drove away, the son waved and said, “Goodbye, Mickey.” The daughter waved and said, “Goodbye, Minnie.” The husband waved, rather weakly, and said, “Goodbye, Money.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Joke:Breasts One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so. She says, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” He replies “BREASTS.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Joke:Winter day The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winter’s day. Wife: “Windows frozen.” Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.” Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Joke:At hair salon A blond was going to get her hair layered at the salon with headphones on. The lady at the salon said to take the headphones off. The blond said ” No way, I would die if I did”. The lady said “Whatever” and did her work. Then the lady took the headphones off thinking it wouldn’t matter if she did. The blond dropped dead. The salon lady heard the headphones saying “breath in, now breath out” repeatedly. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Joke: A mixed up? Cousin Elly, who happens to be blonde, is the world’s worst at getting instructions mixed up. When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready. A few weeks later Elly was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker. “Wonderful!” she replied, “However, there’s one thing I don’t understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Joke: Nuts Grandma and her little grandson were in the park picking up ripe walnuts on a beautiful fall day. “These are the kind of nuts your Daddy loves best,” she said. The little boy replied, “Maybe he likes these things best but the nuts I like are doughnuts!” Joke: Nuts Grandma and her little grandson were in the park picking up ripe walnuts on a beautiful fall day. “These are the kind of nuts your Daddy loves best,” she said. The little boy replied, “Maybe he likes these things best but the nuts I like are doughnuts!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 (edited) Joke:Thank you Little Emma returned from the birthday party and her mother asked: “Did you say ‘thank you’?” “Well, no,” replied the little girl. “Y’see, the girl ahead of me thanked her and she said, ‘Don’t mention it!’ so I didn’t.” Edited March 29, 2015 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Joke:Another mixed up Mom was preparing the two children for bed and was telling bedtime stories. She remarked that God made eyes to see, ears to hear, noses to smell and feet to run. The little girl sat up and said, “But, Momma, I guess God got kinda mixed up with Tom, here, because Tom’s nose runs and his feet smell!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Joke: Writing letter With a frown wrinkling his forehead, little Johnny was working hard at his father’s desk scratching a pen along a page of his paper. His mother asked, “Are you writing a letter to your little girlfriend, Son?” “Nope,” he grunted, “It’s a letter to myself.” “Well,” she smiled, “What are you going to write about?” “How should I know?” he squeaked, “I haven’t received it yet.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Joke:A house call A man called his friend’s house and a small voice greeted him. “Is your Daddy there?” he asked. “Yes.” “Could I speak with him?” “He’s busy,” the little voice replied. “Well, can I speak to your mother?” “Nope, she is busy, too.” “Well then, let me talk with your brother.” “He’s busy, too.” “For goodness sakes, what are they so busy doing?” “They are looking for me!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Joke: Bad & good news A doctor says to his patient, “I have a bad news and a worse news”. “Oh dear, what’s the bad news?” – asks the patient. The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.” “That’s terrible,” said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?” The doctor replies, “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Joke: Buying shoes A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked. “How much for these shoes?” – she asked the store manager. “$200″ – he replied. “That’s too expensive! Can’t you bring the price down?” – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn’t, and got irratated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, “There’s a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don’t you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!” – he yelled. “Fine. I will.” – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed “Oh my gosh! This one doesn’t have any shoes either!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted March 30, 2015 Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: Sweepstakes Paddy and Mick shared first prize of $500,000 in the Sweepstakes and were celebrating their winnings over a jar of stout. "But Paddy, Oi've been thinking," Mick said with a worried frown, "what will we do with all them beggin' letters?" "Aah to be shure," said Paddy, "we'll just go on sending 'em out." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted March 30, 2015 Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: Why men can’t win If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your *** and find something better. If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference. If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're insensitive. If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist pig, you bastard. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor. If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob. If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist. If you're not, you're not ambitious. If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore, and you must be sleeping around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted March 30, 2015 Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: A woman’s ultimate fantasy In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman's ultimate fantasy. 98.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted March 30, 2015 Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: Traffic summons A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day. 'What for?' he snapped at the judge. His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, 'Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!' Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. 'That's all right. You don't have to pay now.' The young man replied, 'I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementi Posted March 30, 2015 Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: New husband’s store – new wife’s store A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A New Wives store then opened also. Floor 1 - Has wives that love sex. Floor 2 - Has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. The remaining floors have never been visited. It just goes to show that men are easier to please... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: The new signature Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and started a small business. It did well, and soon he had enough money to send for the wife and children. The work kept him very busy, so he never had time to learn to write, but the bank was happy to do business with him, even though his signature consisted of two X's. He prospered, he opened more stores, the kids were transferred to private schools, the family moved into a fancy house (with one staircase going nowhere just for show) you get the idea. One day his banker, Mr. Smith, asked him to drop by. "So vat's the problem? Greenberg asked, a bit anxiously. Smith waved a bunch of checks at him. "Perhaps nothing, he said, "but I wanted to be on the safe side. These recent checks of yours are all signed with 3 X's, but your signature of record has just 2. Greenberg looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry about making trouble, he said, "but my wife said that since I'm now such a high-class rich guy, I should have a middle name!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: Preferential treatment A fat woman and a skinny woman were sitting together at a restaurant. "Men prefer thin women," said the skinny woman. "Really? Did your boyfriend tell you that?" said the fat one. "No, your boyfriend told me that!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: Job application An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was: "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: Dinner is ready My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm. Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them. I found them in the bathroom, washing their hands. Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify the sound. It's the smoke detector, they replied in unison. "Do you know what that sound means?" I demanded. Sure, my oldest replied. "Dinner's ready". Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: 24-hour service Needing some clothes cleaned in a hurry, a man searched ths small Georgia town in which he was visiting until he found a sign which read: "Cleaning and Pressing, 24-Hour Service." After explaining his needs, he said, "I'll be back for my suit tomorrow." "Won't be ready till Saturday," replied the proprietor. "But I thought you had 24-hour service," the customer protested. "We do, son," the proprietor said reproachfully. "But we only work eight hours a day. Today's Thursday - eight hours today, eight hours Friday, eight on Saturday. That's 24-hour service." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: The final kiss A biker stops when he notice a young girl who's about to jump off a bridge. He asks her: Do you mind giving me the final kiss before you jump? She quietly accepted and gave him one of the deepest lingering kisses he had ever had. When she finished, the biker said: Wow, this is the best Kiss I ever had. Why are you committing suicide? She replied: My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl... Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: Feeling like a new born Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: Setting up the first date Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend. Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter. When the girl got back from the date she said: "That was the worst night of my life!" "Why is that?" her mom asked. "He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!" "Isn't that a good thing?" "He's the original owner mom!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: Hans guarding the farmer’s daughter A young salesman was out on business when one night he had to stop at a farm, the only room available was with the farmers pretty daughter . The farmer having heard this kind of joke before asked his faithful farm hand Hans to wait outside the door with a shotgun and if he heard any hanky panky shoot the stranger. The next morning the sales man left a bit of hurry and the farmer proud of his quick thinking said to his daughter ' So, that city fella didn't try any thing with you? ' 'Oh no' said the girl 'Hans just gave me his shotgun, put on my nightie and told me to wait in the corridor and make sure the guy couldn't escape till morning!' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: Red-haired school teacher The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night. 'Well, we're a mite crowded, since there's already someone in the spare room,' replied the farmer. 'But I guess you can stay if you don't mind sharing the bed with a red haired schoolteacher. ''Look,' said the tourist, 'I want you to know I'm a gentleman.' 'Well,' mused the farmer, 'as far as I can tell, so is the red haired schoolteacher.' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: The emu A truckie walks into an outback cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the emu. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.' The emu says, 'I'll have the same..' Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress. 'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the emu. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.' Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, mate, how do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?' 'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.' 'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!' 'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man. The waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?' The truckie sighs, pauses, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs, who agrees with everything I say.' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: Two cowboys Two cowboys are riding along a trail in the mountains when they suddenly hear tom toms beating very close to them. 'Oh! That doesn't sound too good,' one says to the other. As soon as the words were spoken, an Indian jumps out from behind a tree and said, 'Yeah, our regular drummer is off sick.' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: A talking clock After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet. "What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "YUP, it is" replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment... Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You IDIOT! It's THREE-FIFTEEN in the MORNING!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: Mountain bike A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike. "How'd you get that, son?" "By hiking." "Hiking?" "Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Joke: A smart salesman A young lad moved to big city and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?" The young man answered, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home." The manager liked the lad so he gave him the job. His first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked, "OK, so how many sales did you make today?" The lad said, "One!" The manager groaned and continued, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" "Pound 188,427.55" The manager choked and exclaimed, "Pound 188,427.55!!! What the hell did you sell him???" "Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook and then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Power Cat. "Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x4." The manager, incredulous, said, "You mean to tell me... a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4x4?" "No, no, no... he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend and I said... "Well, since your weekend's buggered, you might as well go fishing." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2015 Joke:Milk. Do you like it? Charles was very old and suffering from a rare disease and could drink only human milk. "How can I get human milk?" Charles asked the doctor. "Well, Ruby Smith just had a baby, maybe she'll help." So every day Charles went to Ruby's house for his daily feed. Ruby was a dark-eyed, big breasted lady, who, in spite of herself, gradually became aroused as Charles lapped at her ripe assets. One day as he quietly lay sucking, she whispered to him, " Tell me Charles, do you like it?" " Mmmm, wonderful," he sighed. "Is there....," she hesitated, her lips parted, eyes aglow, "is there anything else you'd like?" "As a matter of fact there is," murmured Charles "What?" Ruby asked breathlessly. Charles licked his lips.\ and said "Maybe a little biscuit?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2015 Joke:It’s only an earring A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a somewhat conservative fellow, so naturally he's curious about the sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up to his co-worker and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," the co-worker replied sheepishly. "Well, I'm curious," begged the man, "how long have you been wearing an earring?" "Er, ever since my wife found it in our bed." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2015 Joke: It’s a sin to tell a lie A Minister was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group had surrounded a dog, concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?" One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray, we all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." Of course, the Reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the Reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2015 Joke: The new chicken farmer A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He bought a nice, used chicken farm and moved in. As it turned out, his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn’t easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I’ll give you 100 chickens." The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the neighbor dropped by to see how things were going. The new farmer said, "Not too well. All 100 chickens died." The neighbor said, "Oh, I can’t believe that. I’ve never had any trouble with my chickens. I’ll give you 100 more." Another two weeks went by and the neighbor stopped by again. The new farmer said, "You’re not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too." Astounded, the neighbour asked, "What went wrong?" The new farmer said, "Well, I’m not sure whether I’m planting them too deep or too close together." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2015 Joke: Let’s have a party A farmer hires a college student one summer to help around the farm. At the end of the summer the farmer says, "Son, since you have done such a fine job here this summer, I am going to throw a party for you." The college guy says, "Right on, thanks a lot man." So the farmer says, "Well you better be able to handle a few beers because there will be lotsa drinkn' going on." College guy "Hey, I can drink just as much as anyone else so I should do just fine." Farmer "There is also going to be a lot of fightn' so I hope you are ready." College guy "I have been working hard all summer and I think I am in pretty good shape." Farmer says, "Well, did I mention that there will be lotsa sex?" College guy "Good. I have been out here all summer and I have been dying for some action, what should I wear to this party?" Farmer says, "I don't care it's just going to be me and you." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2015 Joke: Today’s truth Women always say: “That giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts". Here is proof that they are wrong. A year or so after giving birth a woman will often say "It would be nice to have another child". You never hear a guy say " I would like another kick in the nuts"... Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2015 Joke: First date (and the last) It was their first date, and she'd shown the patience of a saint as he babbled on and on about his hobbies. His pet peeves, his driving techniques, and even the standards he used to choose his barber. Finally, he came up for air and said, "But enough about me. Let's talk about you." She breathed a sigh of relief. He went on, "What do you think about me?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2015 Joke: Privacy on camping Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: "Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2015 Joke: The big shot businessman A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something, now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out, he curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Well, no. I guess I haven't, not with a carnation anyway." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A new nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?" The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted March 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2015 Joke:Three guys win a contest There were three guys that won a contest. They would get to spend a year in a room with anything they chose. The first guy loves to have sex, so they put him in a room for a year with over 200 girls to have sex with for a year. The second guy loved to get drunk so they put him in a room with every beer there ever was to drink for a year. The third guy loved to smoke, so they put him in a room with every kind of cigarette there was to smoke. Two hours later they hear the guy that loved to smoke banging on the door, but they said "ignore him, he's in there for a year". A year later they let them out. They first guy came out and he could barely walk, after how many times he had sex. The second guy came out and couldn't walk because he was so drunk. The third guy came out crying. They asked him why he was banging on the door and why he was crying. He said, " I forgot my lighter. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2015 (edited) Joke: Spell the wordA woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven, while she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw that it was so beautiful.Saint Peter came by; the woman said to him "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?""You have to spell a word", Saint Peter told her."Which word?" the woman asked."Love."The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.About six months later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived."I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?" "Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion, and my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation and I went skiing today. I fell, a rock hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?""You have to spell a word", the woman told him."Which word?" her husband asked."Czechoslovakia." Edited April 1, 2015 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2015 (edited) Joke: What if?The Railway inspector asked Evan, "What would you do if you realised there were two trains heading for each other on the same piece of track?" Evan answers, "I'd switch one of the points for one of the trains." "What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector. "Well, then i'll dash down out of the signal box," said Evan, "and i'd use the manual lever over there" "What if that had been struck by lightning?" "Then," Evan answers, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box." "What if the phone was engaged?" "Well in that case, i'll rush down out of the box and use the public emergeny phone by the level crossing up there." "What if it was vandalised?" "Oh, well, then i'd run into the village and get my uncle Tom." This puzzels the inspector, so he askes "Why would you do that?" Came the answer, "My uncle Tom has never seen a train crash." Edited April 1, 2015 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2015 (edited) Joke: The bum on a streetA bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum said, "No." The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?" Edited April 1, 2015 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2015 (edited) Joke: Hard of hearing Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?" "No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke." Edited April 1, 2015 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2015 (edited) Joke: Automotive horror As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!" Edited April 1, 2015 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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