Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: W-E-N-D-Y

This fellow was so deeply in love that just before he was married, he had his bride's name tattooed on his love muscle. Normally, only the first and last letters were visible, although when he was aroused, the tattoo spelled out W-E-N-D-Y.

Now they're on their honeymoon at a resort in Montego Bay. One night, in the men's room, this fellow finds himself standing next to a tall Jamaican at the urinal.

To his amazement, he notices that this man, too, has the letters W-Y tattooed on his penis. "Excuse me," he says, "but I couldn't help noticing your tattoo. Do you have a girlfriend named Wendy?" "No way, mon, I work for the Tourist board. Mine reads, "Welcome to Jamaica, mon, have a nice day.'"

[worldangel]

Joke:Headache

The manager was having difficulty with profits and fixed costs, so there was only one solution - more layoffs. But there were only two possibilities - Jack and Mary. This was going to be a hard decision - they were both excellent workers, and equally qualified - but one had to go. He was obviously going to have to interview them both and then decide.

So he called Mary in first. "I'm sorry," he began, "I've got some bad news. I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

She looked at him for a moment in silence then replied: "Well, can you jack off, I've got a terrible headache?"

[worldangel]

Joke:Give me a long cock

This guy's walking along the beach when he kicks a bottle. Much to his surprise, a genie flies out. "Oh master," it declaims, "your wish is my command."

Great, thinks the guy, his chance has finally come! "Genie," he demands, "give me a cock that touches the floor."

Whereupon both his legs fell off.

[worldangel]

Joke: The newly married couple

Newly married couple both nymphomaniacs, husband comes downstairs in the morning and the wife asks what he'd like for breakfast "Oh I think I'll have a shag please!"

So they go upstairs have a shag then he goes to work. Husband comes home for lunch, "What would you like for lunch dear?" "Oh I think I'll have a shag please!"

So again they shag and he returns to work. Half hour later he walks in the house and finds his wife sliding up and down the banister! "What are you doin?" he asks. "I'm warming up your dinner!!"

[worldangel]

Joke:At the watch & clock shop

A man walks into a watch and clock shop, unzips his trousers and slaps his cock on the counter.

The woman behind the counter doesn't bat an eyelid. She looks him straight in the eye and says "Put that away Sir, this is a clock shop - not a cock shop!" "Well," replies the man, "Why don't you put two hands and a face on it?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Pre-Natal check-up

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived?"

"He was on top ", she replied.

"You will have a boy!" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question.

"I was on top ", was the reply.

"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.

With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears. "What's the matter?" asked the doc.

"Am I going to have puppies?”.....Doggie style

[clementi]

Joke: Guest

A French guest, staying in a hotel in New York, phoned room service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

"Toilette pepper!" said the Frenchman.

[clementi]

Joke: Professor

A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting on a deck at a nudist colony.

The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"

The psychology professor replied, "Yes, I think they are from the wicker chairs."

[clementi]

Joke: Professor

A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting on a deck at a nudist colony.

The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"

The psychology professor replied, "Yes, I think they are from the wicker chairs."

[clementi]

Joke: The engineers

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

[clementi]

Joke: The engineers

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 3

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

[clementi]

Joke: The engineers

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 3

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

[clementi]

Joke: The engineers

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 4

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

[clementi]

Joke: The engineers

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 5

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

[clementi]

Joke: The engineers

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 6

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

[clementi]

Joke: What do you take for it?

Melissa decided to confide in her roommate. She said, "Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

"I've never heard of such a strange illness," her friend answered. "What do you take for it?"

"Black pepper!" replied Melissa.

[worldangel]

Joke:At the drug store

A man goes into a drug store and asks the cashier for some rubbers. The cashier asks, "What size?"

The man replies, "Size? I didn't know they came in sizes."

"Yes, they do," she says, "What size do you want?"

"Well, gee, I don't know," the man answers.

The lady is used to this, so she tells him to go to the back yard and measure his dick by sticking it into each of the three holes in the fence. While the man is back there, the lady sneaks around to the other side of the fence and spreads her legs behind each hole as the man tests it. When the they return, the cashier asks, "What will it be? Small, medium, or large?"

The man replies, "To hell with the rubbers, give me a hundred feet of that fence back there!"

Joke:At the drug store

A man goes into a drug store and asks the cashier for some rubbers. The cashier asks, "What size?"

The man replies, "Size? I didn't know they came in sizes."

"Yes, they do," she says, "What size do you want?"

"Well, gee, I don't know," the man answers.

The lady is used to this, so she tells him to go to the back yard and measure his dick by sticking it into each of the three holes in the fence. While the man is back there, the lady sneaks around to the other side of the fence and spreads her legs behind each hole as the man tests it. When the they return, the cashier asks, "What will it be? Small, medium, or large?"

The man replies, "To hell with the rubbers, give me a hundred feet of that fence back there!"

Edited April 19, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke:Nobody wants it

One afternoon a man says to his wife, you, me and the dogs are going pig shooting. They pack the truck and head off. They get there late at night and the man says, we will head off at sunrise. The wife is tired and replies, I don't want to go in the morning.

The husband is furious and replies, I will give you 3 options, you, me and the dog shoot, or you give me a blow job or we have anal sex. The wife isn't too pleased but realizes it's one or the other.

They rise early in the morning and the husband says well, what's it to be. She isn't pleased but decides to give him a blow job. As soon as she starts she stops and says, your dick tastes like shit. He replies: "Yeh, the dog didn't want to go either."

[worldangel]

Joke:At clinic

A man was in a doctor’s clinic and the doctor walked in and said, ok what do you need today sir.

The man pulled down his pants and showed the doctor his beat up, bruised, and bleading penis.

The doctor said, damn how did you do that?

The man said well I live in a trailor, and every night I have noticed that the woman in the trailor next to mine at exactelly 9:00pm, she moves her rug where there is a hole in the floor, she sticks a hot dog in the hole and masturbates with it.

So one day I got an idea at 8:45pm I would go under her trailor and when she put the hot dog in the hole I would pull it out and stick my penis in the hole.

So that night I did, and it was going great until someone knocked on the door and she tried to kick it under the oven!

[worldangel]

Joke: Urinate

The teacher instructs her third-grade class to give a three-syllable word and use it in a sentence

Several pupils raise their hands, including Dirty Johnny

The teacher passes right over him and chooses Sally.

"Beautiful", says Sally. "My teacher is beautiful."

"Why, thank you" the teacher says. "Anyone else?"

Again, several hands, including Dirty Johnny's, are waving. The teacher chooses Mary.

"Wonderful", says Mary. "My teacher is wonderful."

Again the teacher thanks her student and asks for another answer.

Reluctantly, she chooses Johnny.

"Urinate" says Johnny.

"Johnny" the teacher cries in shock.

"Urinate" says Johnny again, "but if your tits were bigger, you'd be a ten."

[worldangel]

Joke: Annoying boy on bus

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!

[worldangel]

Joke: At the public toilet

Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.

Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you." The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?" Bob says, "OK."

Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?" Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."

Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up. The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it." Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"

The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it."

[clementi]

Joke: The engineers

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 7

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

[clementi]

Joke: I like the way you think

There's a little boy in Ms. Hill's class named Rodger, and he's a little raunchy.

One day Ms. Hill goes, "Would anyone like to guess what's red and round?"

Rodger raises his hand and says, "A red ball."

"No, it's an apple," says Ms. Hill, "but I like the way you think."

Then she says, "What's orange and round?" Rodger says, "An orange ball."

"No, it's an orange, but I like the way you think."

Then Rodger says, "I got one for you, Ms. Hill. What's long and pink?"

Ms. Hill looks stern and says, "Rodger, that is unacceptable in my class!"

Then Rodger says, "Actually, it's an eraser, but I like the way you think!"

[clementi]

Joke: Living with two sisters

The Matchmaker goes to see Mr Smith, a confirmed bachelor for many years.

"Mr Smith, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker.

"Don't bother," replies Mr Smith, "I've two sisters at home, who look after all my needs."

"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."

"I said 'two sisters,' I didn't say they were MY sisters!"

[clementi]

Joke: Six times in the back

Last Thursday night, an elderly woman from Houston, Texas was arrested, jailed, and charged with manslaughter for shooting a man 6 times in the back as he was running away with her purse.

The following Monday morning, the old lady was called in front of the arraignment judge, sworn in, and asked to explain her actions.

The woman replied, "Your Honor, I was standing at the corner bus stop for about 15 minutes, waiting for the bus to take me home. I had just cashed my social security check at the bank earlier in the day. I was there alone, so I had my right hand on my pistol that my late husband gave me for protection, that was in my purse, that was hung over my left shoulder.

All of a sudden I was being spun around hard to my left. As I caught my balance, I saw a man running away from me with my purse. I looked down at my right hand and I saw that my fingers were wrapped tightly around my pistol.

The next thing I remember is saying out loud, "No way punk! You're not stealing my money." "I raised my right shaking hand, pointed my pistol at the man running away from me with my purse, and squeezed the trigger of my pistol 6 times!"

When asked by the arraignment judge, "Why did you shoot the man 6 times?"

The woman replied, under oath, "Because, when I pulled the trigger the 7th time, it only went click."

The woman was acquitted of all charges, don't mess with old folks ya hear.

[clementi]

Joke: The new tattoo

Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seem to go hand in hand these days.

I wasn't surprised when one of my daughter's friends showed me a delicate little Japanese symbol on her hip.

"Please don't tell my parents," she begged.

"I won't" I promised. "By the way, what does that stand for?"

"Honesty," she said.

[worldangel]

Joke: Two goats

Two goats were eating lunch in the junk yard.

One goat came across a large reel of movie film left over from an old movie theatre.

As the first goat ate the film, the second goat watched with much interest as it had never seen movie film before.

When the first goat had finished eating all the film.

The second asked "So, how did you like it?" to which the first goat replied "Not bad... but I liked the book better!"

[worldangel]

Joke: The jazz clarinetist

A conductor is getting an orchestra together for a performance but is having trouble finding a clarinet player.

Finally, he calls a contractor who tells him, "Well, the only guy I've got available at this moment is this jazz clarinetist."

The conductor replies, "I can't stand working with jazz musicians! They dress lousy, they're always late, and they all have an attitude problem."

"Well," replies the contractor, "that's all I've got." "All right," says the conductor, "I'm getting pretty desperate, so I guess I'll have to take him."

The first rehearsal is a week later. The conductor arrives early and notices the new clarinetist, wearing a suit and tie, with a pencil on his stand, sitting on stage practicing his part.

During the rehearsal, the clarinetist plays his part quite well, and is responsive to all the conductor's requests. At the second rehearsal, a week later, the same thing happens. This time, the clarinetist turns in a nearly perfect performance.

One week later, at the final dress rehearsal, this occurs again, with the clarinetist now playing his part flawlessly.

At the break in the rehearsal, the conductor says to the orchestra, "I've got an apology to make. I was really dreading having to work with a jazz musician, but I must say that our clarinet player has certainly proved me wrong. He is always neatly dressed, he was always here early for the rehearsals, working on the part, and he has really learned the music."

Then, to the clarinet player he says, "I just wanted to tell you that I truly appreciate your effort and dedication."

To which the clarinetist replies, "Hey man, it's the least I can do, considering I can't make it to the show."

[worldangel]

Joke: The mermaid

There was three guys that were fishing out in the ocean.

After a while of not catching anything,one guy yells,"I've got something!" so they all rush over and help pull it in.

They pulled for hours until inside the boat there was a Mermaid.

She pleaded with them to let her go and when they wouldn't , she said, " I'll grant you each one wish if you let me go.

THe men agreed.

THe first guy said, "Make me three times smarter than I already am". a flash of light and then he started quoting Shakespeare perfectly.

The second guy seeing this said "Make me 10 times smarter". a flash of light and then he figured out math problems that famous mathemations

had been pondering for years.

The third guy said, "Make me 20 times smarter". The Mermaid said, "Sir consider that carefully, very carefully".

He didn't listen to her and said, "Make me twenty times smarter"!

A flash of light and he turned into a woman.

[worldangel]

Joke: Don’t go in that field

A special agent pulled up to a ranch house and talked with an older rancher.

He told the rancher, “I need to search your ranch for an escaped fugitive we believe to be in the area.” The rancher said, “Okay no problem, but don’t go in that field over there…..”, as he pointed out the field.

The agent verbally exploded saying, “Sir, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his coat pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. “See this badge?!

This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear……do you understand ?!!”

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores as the agent headed straight out to the field.

A short time later, the rancher heard a loud scream coming from the direction of the field. He looked up and saw the agent running for his life, being chased by the rancher’s big Texan Bull… With every step the bull was gaining ground on the agent, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety.

The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs…..

“YOUR BADGE, show him your f..... BADGE ! !”

[worldangel]

Joke: Parking concern

While walking through a parking lot, I tripped and fell flat on my face.

As I was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine," I said, touched by her concern.

"Oh, good," she continued. "So will you be vacating your parking space now?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Visiting the country school

While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.

Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking.

He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.

A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?"

[worldangel]

Joke: The attractive undergraduate

One day, a very attractive under graduate girl visited the professor's office. The under graduate pulled the chair closer to the professor, smiled at him shyly, bumped his knee "accidentally", etc.

Finally, the undergraduate said, "Professor, I really need to pass your course. It is extremely important to me. It is so important that I'll do anything you suggest."

The professor, somewhat taken aback by this attention, replied, "Anything?"

To which the undergraduate cooed, "Yes, anything you say."

After some brief reflection, the professor asked, "What are you doing tomorrow afternoon at 3:30?"

The student lied, "Oh, nothing at all, sir. I can be free then."

The professor then advised, "Excellent! Professor Palmer is holding a help session for his students. Why don't you attend that."

[worldangel]

Joke: Peeping Tom

Bob told his friend, "My wife caught a Peeping Tom last night, and she'd have killed him if we hadn't stopped her."

"It must have made her very angry, him peeking at her, huh?" asked his friend.

"No," said Bob. "That's not what made her the maddest."

"It's not?"

"No," said Bob. "She got mad when he reached in the window and closed the curtains."

[worldangel]

Joke: The last dollar

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 dollar coins to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face..

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up 2 of the dollar coins, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit, is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way.

Unhurried, across the restaurant. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy's balls, and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first, and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last dollar coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying.

"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

'No,' the woman replied. I'm with the Income Tax Department..

[worldangel]

Joke: Doing something besides normal

Mrs. Smith pulled Mrs. Jones out of earshot of the porch, where Mrs. Jones' lovely young daughter, Linda, sat. "It is really none of my business," whispered Mrs. Smith, "but have you noticed what your daughter is doing?"

"Why, no. Is she up to anything special?"

Mrs. Smith leaned closer. "Haven't you noticed? She has started knitting tiny garments!"

Mrs. Jones' troubled brow cleared. "Well, thank goodness," she said smiling, "at last she has taken an interest in something besides running around with boys."

[worldangel]

Joke: Doing something besides normal

Mrs. Smith pulled Mrs. Jones out of earshot of the porch, where Mrs. Jones' lovely young daughter, Linda, sat. "It is really none of my business," whispered Mrs. Smith, "but have you noticed what your daughter is doing?"

"Why, no. Is she up to anything special?"

Mrs. Smith leaned closer. "Haven't you noticed? She has started knitting tiny garments!"

Mrs. Jones' troubled brow cleared. "Well, thank goodness," she said smiling, "at last she has taken an interest in something besides running around with boys."

[worldangel]

Joke: Hide and seek

A very large, old building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.

While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police. When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright.

They said "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."

Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more, they had to know who they had found.

They called the police station and said, "We're the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it really was Jimmy Hoffa."

The cop said, " Well, it wasn't Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important."

"Well, who was it?"

"The 1956 Polish National Hide-and-Seek Champion!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Stage show

A man took his wife to a Broadway show. During the first act intermission, he had to urinate in the worst way.

He hurried to the back of the theatre and searched in vain for the men's room.

At last he came upon a fountain surrounded by pretty foliage. He realized that he had wandered backstage. Noting that no one was around, and in desperatation, he opened his pants and pissed into the fountain.

He had difficulty finding his way back to the auditorium, and by the time he sat down next to his wife, the curtain was up and the actors were moving about on the stage.

"Did I miss much of he second act?" he whispered.

"Miss it?" she said, "You were in it."

[worldangel]

Joke: Crazy driver

A woman is watching the news on TV and they are reporting live from a helicopter about a man driving down the highway going the wrong way. All the other cars are swerving all over the place trying to avoid hitting this guy.

She calls her husband to warn him as he knows that he travels on that highway at this time.

She says to him, "There's this crazy driver on the highway going the wrong direction."

He replies emphatically, "Just one, hell there's a whole bunch of them going the wrong way."

[worldangel]

Joke: A little girl on a plane

A Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the airplane leaving from Atlanta when he turned to her and said - 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the southern congressman. 'How about global warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.

OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics.. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Can you explain.. Why?'

The southern legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says - '

Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know sh!t..?

[worldangel]

Joke: Touring couple

A young couple was touring southern Florida on their honeymoon and stopped at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road.

After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.

"Wow!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Do you ever get bitten?"

"Yes, upon rare occasions," answered the handler.

"Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?"

"I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound."

"What, uh... what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman.

"Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are."

[worldangel]

Joke: Work telephones

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting... on a Saturday morning... after breakfast...

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones!

[worldangel]

Joke:They walk among us 1

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it...'

For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!

They walk amongst us!

[worldangel]

Joke: They walk among us 2

I stopped at Mc Donald's and ordered some fries.

The girl behind the counter said "would you like some fries with that?"

[worldangel]

Joke: They walk among us 3

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted.... 'Look at that dead bird!'

Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where? '

They walk among us!

[worldangel]

Joke: They walk among us 4

While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'

My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime.

She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff....... '

They Walk Among Us!

[worldangel]

Joke: They walk among us 5

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.

She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

They Walk Among Us!

[worldangel]

Joke: They walk among us 6

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.

She keeps it in the car trunk.

They Walk Among Us!