Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: Nice reply

Employee

Aug Month: - Oh my goodness what a fool of my manager is. He over paid me with rs2000 this Hi hi I'll not tell him of this….

Sep Month: - What the hell is this how come my salary has arrived with Rs2000 less this month…what does he think...

Manager:- Lat month I overpaid you...but u din complain...so why now..

Employee:-well the thing is I don't mind if u make a mistake once...but if it becomes a habit...i have to say something

[worldangel]

Joke: A hunting story

One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around.

The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fire- place? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget."

They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story.

"Well," he began, "I remember back in '1966', we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, 'ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!......' I tell you, I just sh*t my pants."

The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have sh*t my pants too if a lion jumped out at me."

The old man shook his head and said, "No, no, not then, just now when I said 'ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!'"

[worldangel]

Joke: Sick leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good Heaven are you doing?'

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'

(You're going to love this....)

She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.'

[worldangel]

Joke: Digging the garden

Digging the garden

An old man lived alone in the City. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:

Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over.I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love, Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram:

For Heaven's sake, Dad,don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!!

At 4a.m the next morning, a dozen police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused,the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad.. It's the best I could do for you from here."

[worldangel]

Joke: My Daughter Best

Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring.

"There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice," said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. "Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach ."

"That's nothing compared to what my Anna does for me," declared Mrs. Jones proudly. "Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami , and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private guest house."

Mrs. Smith sat back with a proud smile. "Nobody loves her mother like my Jackie does. Nobody."

"So what does she do?" asked the two women, turning to her.

"Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour - just to talk about me!”

[worldangel]

Joke: Irresistible model

The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.

She pushed him away. "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said.

"I've never tried to kiss a model before," he swore.

"Really?" she said, softening, "How many models have there been?"

"Four," he replied, "A jug, two apples, and a vase."

[worldangel]

Joke: Birth-rate budget

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university.

They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, an anthropologist, and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such.

While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high.

"Sure," said the druggist. "Every morning the six o'clock train comes through here and blows for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up."

[worldangel]

Joke: Spelling mistake

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Novice hunter

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.

Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?"

This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail. After a few hours, the nephew returned.

"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.

"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Join the queue

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file.

The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I Know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?" The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife." What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?" The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied "Join the queue."

[worldangel]

Joke: Men and women in the business world

Men & Women in the Business World

a successful man is aggressive - a successful woman is pushy

he's good on details - she's picky

he loses his temper because he's so involved with his job - she's bitchy

when he's depressed (or hangover) everyone tiptoes past his office - she's moody, so it must be her "Time of the month"

he follows through - she doesn't know when to quit

he stands firm - she's hard

he drinks because of the excessive job pressure - she's a lush

he isn't afraid to say what he thinks - she's mouthy

he exercises authority diligently - she's power-crazy

he's close-mouthed - she's secretive

he climbed the ladder of success - she slept her way to the top

he's a stern taskmaster - she's hard to work for

[worldangel]

Joke: Fake encounter

Before his daring escape from prison, an infamous criminal had been photographed from four different angles.

The FBI sent copies of the pictures to police chiefs all across the land, with orders to notify Washington the moment an arrest was made.

The next day, the Bureau received a faxed reply from the ambitious sheriff of a small Southern town:

"PICTURES RECEIVED. ALL FOUR SHOT DEAD WHILE RESISTING ARREST."

[worldangel]

Joke: Gummed up

Aboard a flight from L.A. to New York, Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight.

They had only been aloft a few minutes when the elderly lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping.

The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort.

When they landed in New York, Grandma thanked the stewardess.

"The chewing gum worked fine," she said, "but tell me, how do I get it out of my ears?"

[worldangel]

Joke: The cowboy

An old cowboy dressed to kill with a cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.

As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

The cowboy replied, "Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences, I guess I am." After a short while he asked her what she was.

She replied, "I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, work, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.

A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm probably a lesbian.

[worldangel]

Joke: Feed

There was a farmer who had many pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: "What do you use to feed your pigs?"

"Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?"

"Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes."

Then he fined the farmer. Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question.

The farmer answered: "Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak...why?"

"Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat." And he fined the farmer.

Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question. The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: "Well, I give a hundred rupees to each pig so they can buy whatever they want."

[worldangel]

Joke: Don’t flush

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"

The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a restaurant. Upon arriving, he ordered a drink and got a mug placed between his hands.

He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"

The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of drinks, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located.

The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."

The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Screwdriver

The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport.

Halfway there, the front tire went flat.

The model said, "Driver, I don't have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?"

The driver said, "Sure."

He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off.

The model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?"

He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire."

[worldangel]

Joke: Money in casket

There was a man who worked all of his life and had saved his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything. Just before he died, he said to his wife. "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. Because I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with that man."

She said, "Listen, I'm a religious man, I can't lie. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with the man?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check."

[worldangel]

Joke: The blind date with cop

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.

The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"

The woman turns to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"

The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave him her license.

The patrolman said, "I see you are from Texas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled, "He thinks he knows you!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Physical weakness

The little sexy housewife was built so well that the TV repairman couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.

When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a . . .well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man-- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . . "

The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes; yes!"

"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door..."

"Yes; yes!"

"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Idiots award for the year

Number One Idiot

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.

She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away..

[worldangel]

Joke: Idiots award for the year

Number Two

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them.

It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

[worldangel]

Joke: Idiots award for the year

Number Three

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.

He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,

'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

[worldangel]

Joke: Idiots award for the year

Number Four

A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him..

[worldangel]

Joke: Idiots award for the year

Number Five

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window.

The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass... The whole event was caught on videotape.. Perth .

[worldangel]

Joke: Idiots award for the year

Number Six: IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger.. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.. Happened in Surfers Paradise !!!

[worldangel]

Joke: Idiots award for the year

Number Seven: IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'

He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask..' Happened in Melbourne .

[worldangel]

Joke: Idiots award for the year

Number Eight: JUST AN IDIOT

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it’s open!' His reply, 'I know - I already done that side.'

This was at the FORD dealership Dubbo.

[worldangel]

Joke: The final kiss

A biker stops when he notice a young girl who's about to jump off a bridge.

He asks her: Do you mind giving me the final kiss before you jump?

She quietly accepted and gave him one of the deepest lingering kisses he had ever had.

When she finished, the biker said: Wow, this is the best Kiss I ever had. Why are you committing suicide?

She replied: My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl...

[worldangel]

Joke: People, who do not drink, smoke & gamble

Beggar: Give me food.

Man: I'll give you Vodka.

Beggar: I don't drink, Give me food.

Man: I'll give you cigarettes.

Beggar: I don't smoke.

Man: I'll take you to race.

Beggar: I don't gamble.

Man: I'll get you girl friend.

Beggar: I love only my wife.

Man: I'll give you food, but first you have to come to my house.

Beggar: Why?

Man: I want my wife to see what state people get into when they don't Drink, Smoke, Gamble & Love only their own WIFE..!!

[worldangel]

Joke: Run for life

Two campers were aroused one night by the sounds of a huge bear tearing up their campsite. Realizing that the bear would soon make its way to their tent, they started planning their strategy. One of the campers started putting on shoes.

His buddy said "Hey, even with shoes on you ll never outrun that bear".

He replied "I don t *have* to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun *you*".

[worldangel]

Joke: Ooh men!

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving

down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of

the window and yells "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next

corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

What If men would only listen!!

[worldangel]

Joke: Secret crush

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can't look that old. Well, you'll love this one.

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended DAV Sr Secondary, Chandigarh.

"Yes. Yes, I did," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1975. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!", I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, Old, Bald, Wrinkled, Fat A*s, Grey-haired, Decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked: "What did you teach???"

[worldangel]

Joke: The shiny box

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

[worldangel]

Joke: I will spend it

Master to servant: "What will you do with a 100 Rs. lying on the floor? Will you keep it?"

Servant: "No , Of course not."

Master: Then what will you do with it?

Servant: "I will spend it."

[worldangel]

Joke: Little preeto

Little Preeto came running into the house after school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"

"That's great, sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in to the living room and tell me about it."

"Well," said Preeto, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in Maths and 20 in Science."

[worldangel]

Joke: Confused robber

After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge.

The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"

"Yes we have, your honor," the foreman responded.

"Would you please pass it to me,"

The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.

After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court."

"We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman.

The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound of the "not guilty" verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude. The defendant's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about that?"

The defendant looks around the courtroom slowly with a bewildered look on his face and then turns to his defense attorney and says, "I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the money back?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Train accident

In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.

At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.

"Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination."

"Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried."

"How's that?" the lawyer asked.

"I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Handling

Once a plane crashed somewhere in the mountains, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive.

Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand English and reply. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "Tying their belts"

Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"

Monkey: "Saying Hello! Good morning!"

Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"

Monkey: "Checking the system"

Officer: "What were you doing?"

Monkey: "Looking for my people"

Officer: "After 10 minutes what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "Having beverages and snacks"

Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"

Monkey: "Serving the travelers"

Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"

Monkey: "Handling the steering"

Officer: "What were you doing?"

Monkey: "Eating & throwing"

Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"

Officer: "What were the air hostesses ?"

Monkey: "Make up"

Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"

Monkey: "Handling the steering"

Officer: "What were you doing?"

Monkey: "Nothing"

Officer: "Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "All were sleeping"

Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"

Monkey: "Kissing the pilots"

Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"

Monkey: "Responding"

Officer: "What were you doing?"

Monkey: "Handling the steering !!!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Company policy

Start with a cage containing five apes.

In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water. This continues through several more attempts.

Pretty soon, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes all try to prevent it. Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.

After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes, which have been sprayed with cold water, have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not? Because that's the way they've always done it and that's the way it's always been around here.

And that's how company policy begins....

[worldangel]

Joke: Mountain bike

A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike.

"How'd you get that, son?"

"By hiking."

"Hiking?"

"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."

[worldangel]

Joke: Watergate Hotel

A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel

The bride is concerned. “What if the place is still bugged?”

The groom says, “I’ll look for a bug.”

He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures and under the rug. “AHAH!” Under the rug was a disc with four screws.

He gets his screwdriver, unscrews the screws, and throws the disc out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds, “How was your room? How was the service? how was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?”

The groom says, “Why are you asking me all of these questions?”

The hotel manager says “Well, the room under you complained about the chandelier falling on them!”

[worldangel]

Joke: Food for thought

An old lady, a difficult independent, use to sit on a bench in a park to feed the pigeons.

One day, she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy.

Then suddenly a man in his early 40s, who was watching her from a distance, came near her and told her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa.

The old lady said in crazed anger and without hesitation, "Well, I can't throw that far!"

[worldangel]

Joke: With age comes wisdom

A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!"

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride." He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

[worldangel]

Joke: House on fire

A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets his daughter and brings her outside. Then his wife.Then the dog. Then he goes back in a couple of times without bringing out anybody.

So a fireman asks him, "Why are you going back in there?"

The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother-in-law."

[worldangel]

Joke: House on fire

A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets his daughter and brings her outside. Then his wife.Then the dog. Then he goes back in a couple of times without bringing out anybody.

So a fireman asks him, "Why are you going back in there?"

The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother-in-law."

[worldangel]

Joke: Emergency signals

Two avid hunters take a hunter's safety class in which they learn that the universal signal for an emergency is three shots in the air.

Sure enough, on their next hunting trip the two men get lost.

One says to the other, "What shall we do?"

The other says, I know fire three shots in the air and someone may come to find us.

He fires off three shots, and they wait two hours. No sign of help.

What shall we do? Fire off three more shots. So he does. Three hours later there is no response and it is getting dark. The one says "Shall we try again?"

The other says, "I guess not... I only have two arrows left...

[worldangel]

Joke: Grand prize

A local FM Radio was running a contest, and I phoned up.

The RJ said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize."

"That's fantastic!" I shouted in delight.

"Feel confident?" she asked. "It's a maths question."

"Well, I've got a Masters in maths and have been teaching for 35+ years," I proudly replied.

"Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 front row seats to a HimeshReshamiyas new movie and to meet him back stage:

What is 2+2?"

I replied, "7!"

[worldangel]

Joke: It’s started

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts."

The wife sighs and gets him a beer.

Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it

starts."

She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.

He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute."

The wife is furious. She yells at him,

"Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore . . ."

The man sighs and says, "It's started."

[worldangel]

Joke: Modern tudents

Teacher: U idiots! At your age Einstein ranked first in class.

What about you?

Student: Sir at your age Hitler committed suicide..!

What about you?