Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: Accountant joke

 

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor and said: "Doctor I am on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period." 

Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board. 

Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only. 
Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings. 

Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only... 
Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal. 

Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first: 

Doctor: OK. Tell me. 

Man: I sleep vigilantly like a dog thinking about my work load whole night. 

I get up in the morning like a horse, I go to work running like a deer 
I work all the day like a donkey 
I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday. 
I wag my tail in front of all my bosses 
I play with my children like a monkey if I get time. 
I am like a rabbit before my wife 
Doctor: are you an Accountant? 

Man: Yes 

Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the beginning itself that you are an accountant . Come man, no one can treat you better than me.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: That’s confidence

 

A hypothetical situation where 20some CEOs board an airplane and are told 
that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature Pilotless technology: 

It is an unscrewed aircraft. 

Each one of the CEOs then told, privately, that their company's software 
is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. 

Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.... 

'One' alone remains on board, seeming very calm indeed. 

Asked why he is so confident in this first unscrewed flight, he replies : 
"If it is the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off." !!!!!!

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: 50^th Wedding Anniversary

 

A man talking to his friend about what to do for his 50th weddinganniversary. The friend asked, "What did you do for your 25th?"

He said, "I took my wife to Hawaii."

The friend then asked, "What are you thinking about for your 50th?"

He said, "Well I was thinking of bringing her back."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Let’s find out

A couple were returning to their seats in the dark theater. The husband asked the fellow on the aisle, "did someone step on your foot on the way out for intermission?"

"Yes, you did," the fellow replied, expecting an apology.

"Okay honey," the husband said. "This is our row."

 

[worldangel]

Joke:Blind Date

Joe sets up Michael to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Michael is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before.

"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Mike, "I'll be stuck with her all night."

"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout Aaaaaauuuggghhh! and fake an asthma attack."

So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awestruck at how beautiful and sexy she is.

He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts...
"Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke:Blind Corner

Mali and Lali were chatting over coffee.

Mali said, "I've been experiencing a strange and painful side effect from coffee. I'm fine when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or sugar, or both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye."

Mali then took a sip of her coffee from the cup, "Owwwww!" she screamed. "There it goes again!"

So observing Lali said, "Mali, take the spoon out of the cup."

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Modern marriage

 

Nikhil and Mona were newlyweds. Nikhil thought this would be a modern marriage, meaning they would each play equal roles. So, the first morning after their honeymoon, he brought Mona breakfast in bed.

However, Mona wasn't at all impressed by his culinary skills. Looking disdainfully at the tray, she snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!"

Undaunted, the following morning, Nikhil brought his new bride a scrambled egg.

Unfortunately, Mona wasn't satisfied. "Did you ever stop to think that perhaps I like variety?" she snapped. "I wanted poached this morning!"

Determined to please her, the next morning, he brought her two eggs .one poached and one scrambled.

"Here, my darling, enjoy," he said cheerfully.

Mona was infuriated. "You scrambled the wrong egg!" she screamed.

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Six nights

 

A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support.

The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term.

"This time you stole a can of tomatoes. There were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?"

The woman agreed.

"Then I sentence you to six nights in jail."

The husband jumped to his feet, addressing the judge, "Your honor, may I approach the bench?"

"Well," said his honor, "this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench."

The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he said in a low voice, "She also stole a can of peas."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Goat or ghost?

 

Laloo Yadav was at a convention about the paranormal, ghosts, strange happenings and the people who had experienced them. After a while, the speaker asked the people in attendance, 'How many people have actually seen a ghost?'

Almost all the people in the room raised their hands.

A short time later, he asked, 'How many people here have actually communicated with a ghost?'

About a third of the room raised their hands to answer.

Then finally, the speaker asked, 'How many of you have made love to a ghost?'

This time, only Laloo raised his hand. The speaker was shocked and walked to up to Laloo and asked 'You have actually made love to a ghost?!'

Laloo replied, 'GHOST?!?! I thought you said GOAT!!'

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Stupid stand up

 

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!'

After a few seconds, little Santa Singh stood up.

The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Santa?'

'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Throw out another anchor

 

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea-captain.

'What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?'

'Throw out an anchor, sir.'

'What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?'

'Throw out another anchor, sir.'

'And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?'

'Throw out another anchor.'

'Hold on,' said the Captain, 'where are you getting all your anchors from?'

'From the same place you're getting your storms, sir.'

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: People called

 

Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called?

Student: I don't know.

Teacher: They're called Turks, now what are the people of Germany called?

Student: They are called Germs.

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Organic food

 

The other day, it was my turn to prepare dinner, so I asked my wife to go over to the local market and buy some organic vegetables.

She came back rather upset. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, "I don't think I like that produce guy. I went and looked around for your organic vegetables and I couldn't find any. So I asked him where the organic vegetables were."

"He didn't know what I was talking about, so I said, 'These vegetables are for my husband. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?'"

"And he said, 'No, ma'am. You'll have to do that yourself.'"

Edited May 25, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Boss and the trainee

 

A Man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. 
On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!" 

The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?" 
"No", replied the trainee. 

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" 
The man shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?" 
"No", replied the Managing Director. 

"Thats Good!", replied the trainee and put down the phone!

Edited May 27, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Dinner conversation

 

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - - silence - - -

HUSBAND: "Oh Damn it !

Edited May 27, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Boss and the trainee

 

A Man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. 
On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!" 

The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?" 
"No", replied the trainee. 

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" 
The man shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?" 
"No", replied the Managing Director. 

"Thats Good!", replied the trainee and put down the phone!

 

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Wrong password

 

A new blonde employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password. No, it's not the usual caps-lock problem. 

"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says. 

"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password." 

"Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Run baby run

 

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood.

They parked their truck at one end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house an older woman was looking out her kitchen window watching the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figure I'd better run too!"

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Good sport

 

When Tim answered his phone, he heard a woman on the other end say, "Hi, Tim. This is Lucy speaking. Remember we met about four months ago?"

"Lucy?" Tim replied. "About four months ago?"

"Yes, that's right," Lucy said. "It was at John's apartment. After the party, you drove me home. On the way, we parked and got in the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."

"Oh, I remember!" Tim exclaimed. "Lucy! How are you?"

"I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself," Lucy screeched.

"Hey, you really ARE a good sport!" Tim retorted.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Hair remover

 

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest, to whom she said, "Excuse me, Father, could I ask a favor?"

"Of course! What can I do for you?"

"Here's the problem... I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?"

"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I will not lie."

"You have such an honest face, Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions," and she gave him the hair remover. 

The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son," he replied.

Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, "And from the sash down, what do you have?"

The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been used."

Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father. Next!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: New deal

 

The supervisor for the Union of Road Construction Workers called the meeting to order.

"Men - we've agreed on a new deal with the state. We'll no longer have to work FOUR days a week!"

"HOOORAY!!!" the crowd cheered. "We'll quit work at 4 PM and not 5 PM!"

"HOORAY!!!" the crowd roared.

"We don't have to be in until 11 AM instead of 10 AM!"

"HOORAY!!!" the crowd thundered.

"And now, even though 90% of the roads in the country are in bad shape, we'll only have to work on Wednesdays!!"

Silence.

A voice from the back of the room asks, "You mean, EVERY Wednesday?"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The old rapist

 

Two old men meet on a street corner. The first old man said, "Where have you been for the last couple of months?"

The second old man replied, "I was in jail."

The first old man asked, "You were in jail? Why were you in jail?"

He replied, "Well, about two months ago I was standing on a corner, and this beautiful young woman rushes up with a policeman, points to me and says, 'He is the man, officer, he is the one who attacked and raped me'."

The first old man said, "What? And you let her get away with it?"

Second old replied, "Well, I'll tell you, I felt so flattered, I admitted to it."

 

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Drinking horse

 

A MAN in western attire went into a bar and asked for 30 martinis in a bucket.

"What?" questioned the bartender, "Why would you want so many martinis?"

"My horse likes them," replied the cowboy, "and he's tied to a parking meter out front dying of thirst. I want to surprise him."

So the bartender got busy and came up with a bucket of martinis.

"If you don't mind," he said, "I'd like to see this boozing horse with my own eyes."

"Be my guest," said the customer, and the two went outside and placed the bucket by the horse, who drank deeply.

"Darnedest thing I ever saw," said the bartender. "Why don't you come back in and I'll mix you a few on the house."

"No, I couldn't do that," said the man. "But thanks anyway."

"What's the matter?" asked the bartender. "Don't you like martinis?"

"Love' em," replied the cowboy, "but I gotta drive."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Special ring

 

An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only Rs 5,00,000," the jeweller said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by cheque.

"I know you need to make sure the cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very peed-off jeweller phoned the old man, "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Listen completely

 

Little Georgie watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Georgie found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane ....

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Georgie, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Georgie to tell his story.

Georgie started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.

Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you

 

 

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Law of gravity

 

One student couldn't be motivated to take an interest in science at all. He said, "I plan to go into the business. Name me one thing science has done to help business." 

The teacher shot back, "And just where would the belt industry be without the law of gravity."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Chemistry

 

The chemistry teacher was berating the students for not learning the Periodic Table of the Elements. 

She said "Why when I was your age I knew both their names and weights." 

One kid popped up, "Yeah... But teach, there were so few of them back then."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Special chicken soup

 

A lady went to a restaurant and ordered a bowl of soup.

Lady : Waiter, what is this soup called?

Waiter : It is called special chicken soup.

Lady : But I see no chicken in it!

Waiter : That's why it's so special!

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Why did you have to die?

 

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

 

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir,I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply?A child?A parent?"

 

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Toilet paper

 

After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink.

"You can't make any noise," she warned him. "My parents are upstairs and if they find out they'll kill us."

Things started getting heated on the sofa, but after a while alcohol got the better of the man. "I have to go," he said.

"Well you can't go upstairs. The bathroom is right next to my parents' bedroom," she replied. "Use the kitchen sink."

So he dutifully retired to the kitchen.

A few minutes later, he popped his head around the door and asked, "Do you have any toilet paper, or should I just use a paper towel?"

 

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Skirts and shoes

 

One day this woman who hated wearing underwear decided to go shopping for a new pair of shoes, and since she was wearing a skirt, the salesman was enjoying and excellent view.

After the third pair of shoes, the guy couldn’t stand it anymore. “Lady,” he said, “that’s some beautiful sight. I could eat that pussy full of ice cream.”

Disgusted the woman ran out of the store and went home. When her husband got home she told him about the incident and asked him to go beat the shit out of the salesman.

And when he flatly refused, she wanted to know why.

“Three reasons,” said her husband. “Number one: you shouldn’t have been out in a skirt with no underpants. Number two: you have too many shoes to last you for years. And number three: any son of a bitch who can eat that much ice cream I don’t want to mess with in the first place.”

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Slow night

 

A prostitute is having a slow night and walks into a bar.

She notices that the bar is empty except for the bartender and a koala bear sitting at the end of the bar.

She thinks for a little bit, and goes up to the koala bear. She asks him if he'd like to go home with her. The koala bear thinks about it, looks at her, and then hops off his stool. They go back to her place and have a good ole time.

In the morning, the koala bear hops off the bed and starts to walk out the door. The prostitute gets up and tells him he needs to pay her. The koala bear looks back at her confused. She immediately thinks, oh you don't understand. She goes over to the bookshelf and grabs the dictionary.

She flips the page to prostitute and it reads: Renders services and must be paid.

The koala bear then takes away the dictionary and flips it to koala bear and it reads: Eats bush and leaves.

[worldangel]

Joke: Slow night

 

A prostitute is having a slow night and walks into a bar.

She notices that the bar is empty except for the bartender and a koala bear sitting at the end of the bar.

She thinks for a little bit, and goes up to the koala bear. She asks him if he'd like to go home with her. The koala bear thinks about it, looks at her, and then hops off his stool. They go back to her place and have a good ole time.

In the morning, the koala bear hops off the bed and starts to walk out the door. The prostitute gets up and tells him he needs to pay her. The koala bear looks back at her confused. She immediately thinks, oh you don't understand. She goes over to the bookshelf and grabs the dictionary.

She flips the page to prostitute and it reads: Renders services and must be paid.

The koala bear then takes away the dictionary and flips it to koala bear and it reads: Eats bush and leaves.

[worldangel]

Joke: Slow night

 

A prostitute is having a slow night and walks into a bar.

She notices that the bar is empty except for the bartender and a koala bear sitting at the end of the bar.

She thinks for a little bit, and goes up to the koala bear. She asks him if he'd like to go home with her. The koala bear thinks about it, looks at her, and then hops off his stool. They go back to her place and have a good ole time.

In the morning, the koala bear hops off the bed and starts to walk out the door. The prostitute gets up and tells him he needs to pay her. The koala bear looks back at her confused. She immediately thinks, oh you don't understand. She goes over to the bookshelf and grabs the dictionary.

She flips the page to prostitute and it reads: Renders services and must be paid.

The koala bear then takes away the dictionary and flips it to koala bear and it reads: Eats bush and leaves.

[worldangel]

Joke: A guy and his pet monkey

 

A guy walks into a bar with a pet monkey. The monkey begins running around and jumps onto a pool table and swallows one of the pool balls whole.

The bartender/owner sees this just as it is happening. Furious he makes the man and his monkey leave.

A few weeks later, the same man and his monkey walk into the same bar. The bartender, not paying attention as he is talking with one of his regulars, sees the monkey just as it jumps onto the bar, takes a peanut out of the bowl, inserts it into its behind, pulls it back out, then eats it.

The bartender, angry, yet curious, again tells the man to leave. As the man is leaving, the bartender asks the man, "Hey buddy, why did your monkey do that with the peanut?"

The man replied, "Well, ever since he passed that pool ball, he measures everything before he eats it."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: That beautiful girl at work

 

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. 

"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" 

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. 

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." 

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?" 

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." 

"Sensible" says Jeff. 

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." 

"And what happened then?" 

(Paul slumps back over the bar again.) 

"I kicked her in the face."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Dirty talk

 

What is it called when a man talks dirty to a woman?

Sexual harassment.

What is it called when a woman talks dirty to a man?

$3.99 a minute

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Think what you want

 

After his motion to suppress evidence was denied by the court the angered attorney spoke up, “Your Honor,” he said, “What would you do if I called you stupid, degenerate, old fool.”

The Judge, now also angered, answered, I would hold you in contempt of court and seek to have you suspended from practicing before this court again!

” “What if I only though it?” asked the attorney.

“In that case, there is nothing I could do; you have the right to think whatever you want.”

“Oh, I see. If it pleases the court, let the record reflect, that I ‘think’ you’re a stupid, degenerate, old fool.”

[worldangel]

Joke: Mirror Image

Two blondes are walking down the street. One blonde finds a little mirror, looks in it, again and again. Puzzled, she says to her friend, "I just know I've seen this face before!" 

"Give it to me", says the other blonde. 

 

She looks in the mirror and says, "Of course, you silly! It's me!!"

 

 

 

Edited May 27, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: I Want to Buy That

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Wrist watch

 

Banta: "My grandfather's watch fell into a well and when it was found after 30 years, it was still keeping correct time 

Santa: What is so great about it? Once my grandfather fell into a well, and after thirty years when he was taken out, he was still alive. 

Banta: "How can it be possible? What was he doing in the well for thirty years? 

Santa: "He was winding your grandfather's wrist-watch

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Password

 

Once Morron entered a cybercafe to check his mails. It was crowded so he had to wait. As he waited he saw a man checking his mails. He stood behind him and watched. The man typed his password and was waiting when morron cried out 

"Yes yes I know your password. I can read your mails now.

"Surprised the man asked "Oh yeah, tell me what is it".

Morron replied " Five stars."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Absent minded man

 

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.

'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'

 

'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.

 

'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

[worldangel]

Joke: Correct the sentence

 

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"

 

Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher : How?

 

Student : Ladies first

 

[worldangel]

Joke: I need protection

 

Pharmacist: May I help you sir?

Client: Yes… I, uh..well, this is sort of embarrassing, but I’m going out on a date tonight, and you know, I need some…

Pharmacist: You need some protection.

Client: Right.

Pharmacist: Small, Medium, or large?

Client: Uhhh. Medium, I guess.

Pharmacist: Okay, that’ll be $2.35 including tax.

Client: Tacks!! I thought they stayed on by themselves!

[worldangel]

Joke: Same age

 

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.

 

Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Superstitious thief

 

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!

2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.

1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

[worldangel]

Joke: Sydney or Melbourne

 

Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Sydney in two days time?
Post Master : Well it might do.

Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?

Customer : It's addressed to Melbourne.

Edited May 28, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Cola poster

 

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?'

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and fainting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Been to Egypt?

 

Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

 

Father : No. Why do you ask that?

 

Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?