Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: Harmonica

"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best present I ever got."

"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Math Teacher

 

The night before one exam, two students tied one on, (well, actually, tied two on, one each), and managed to sleep through the final. They realized they were in serious trouble, so they agreed to tell the professor that they had a flat tire on the way to the exam. 

 

“No problem." said the Professor, “Come by my office at 5 P.M. and I'll give you the exam then." 

 

Feeling pretty clever, the students spent the intervening time getting information on the exam from students who had already taken it, and making sure they knew how to do the problems. Coming to the professor's office that evening, they were told, ``Leave your books in my office, and I'll put you in two separate rooms for the exam."

 

They were both ecstatic to see that the Professor had given them the exact same exam taken by the class that morning. However, there was an additional page tacked on the end, upon which was written, "For 50% of the grade, which tire was flat?"    

Edited July 26, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Pregnant bride

 

A visitor was strolling along the coastal area one morning. During his walk he came upon a fellow, fishing pole clutched in his hands, sound asleep against the side of a huge coastal rock. Just then the pole began to jerk violently.

"Hey, there!" cried the visitor as he roused the fisherman. "Look out there! You have a bite."

"So I do," yawned the drowsy one glancing out at the water. "If you don't mind, will you pull in the line for me?"

The visitor, somewhat surprised, did as he was requested.

"Now, mister," continued the fisherman, "put some fresh bait on the hook and cast the line out for me."

Again the visitor complied. After doing so he turned to the lazy angler. "You know," he declared, "anyone as lazy as you ought to get married and have a son to do these things for him."

"That's a good idea," beamed the fisherman. "Know where I could find a pregnant woman?"

[worldangel]

Joke: What does that one do?

A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars."

"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.

The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."

The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.

"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system." Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.

"That one costs 2,000 dollars."

"And what does that one do?" the man asked.

The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Age factor

 

Joe is a lively 75 year old widower. He is also very rich. One day, he turns up to meet some of his friends and he has a gorgeous young redhead on his arm. She has sex appeal in plenty and listens to Joe's every word with great attention. All his friends think she is as sexy a lady as they have seen for years.

When she excuses herself to go to the ladies, Joe's friends rush over to him. "Joe, how did you manage to get such a lovely girlfriend?" they ask.

"Girlfriend?" says Joe looking upset, "what do you mean girlfriend? She is my wife."

They were shocked.

"So how did you persuade her to marry you?"

"I lied about my age," Joe replies.

"Don't tell us that you told she that you were only 50?"

"Of course not," smiles Joe, "I told her I was 90."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Anniversary

 

A man asks his wife during a 25 marriage anniversary:
- Darling, have you been unfaithful to me?

 

- Yes, honey, three times.
- When was the first time?

- Do you remember the situation when you went to a bank, but nobody would give you any credit? And finally the CEO of the bank himself signed the credit allowance to you.

 

- Thanks, darling. And when was the second time?
- Do you remember when you were very ill and nobody would agree to make the surgery for you? And finally the head of the department took care of you?

 

- Thank you darling, you saved my life. And with whom have you been unfaithful to me for the third time?
- Do you remember when you were a candidate to the position of city mayor and you were missing 36 votes?

Edited July 27, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: At sex shop

 

In a sex toys store a guy asks for an inflatable doll. The seller:
- Would you like a regular one, or the one with artificial intellect?

 

- With artificial intellect, please.

The next day the same guy returns and asks:

- Please change it to a regular one…

- Why?
- She didn't give it to me.

 

Edited July 27, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: At Dentist

 

Monica is at the dentist. Half of her mouth is locked due to anesthesia, the dentist is intensively working. Monica's mobile phone starts ringing. Ignoring it four times, the dentist finally answers the phone pissed:

- What’s up?
- What’s up?, - some man asks.

 

Dentist:
- Who are you?
- I’m Monica’s husband

 

Dentist:
- Listen, man, I’m about to finish, she will spit it out and will call you back!!!

 

Edited July 27, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: At casino

 

A guy went to a casino and lost all 10 000$. Swearing for the situation he goes 
to a taxi driver and asks:
- I have lost all my money, please give me a ride back home for free.
- F**k off, no money, no ride.

 

The next day the guys come to casino again and this time he successfully won all the money back and 10 000$ extra. Hi goes out of the casino happily and sees five taxis, and the last car is the one, which refused to give a ride for free yesterday.

He goes to the first taxi and says:
- Will you take me home for 100$?
- Sure!
- But when you take me there you'll have to do the blow-job as well
- F**k off, man..

 

The guys goes to all next three cars and the story repeats. Finally he goes to the last taxi driver, who refused to help a day ago, and says:
- Will you take me home for 100$?
- Sure!
- Deal, but you have to pass through those other four taxi drivers very, very slowly.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Stress

 

You stop and pick up a nice hitchhiking girl. Suddenly she loses consciousness and you take her to a hospital. This is stress.

 

In the hospital you are being told that she is pregnant and doctors start congratulating you with the future newborn. You explain that just an hour ago you have seen her for the first time in your life, but she starts telling that you are the father.

 

This is a big stress already. You require for a DNR analysis and they make it. Then the doctors tell you silently, that actually you can't be a father since you are genetically sterile.

 

This is a stress, combined with a relief. On your way back home you remember, that you have three kids.

 

That's what the real stress is.

[worldangel]

Joke: Sex

 

A guy and his girlfriend have been dating for three years. With no sex. They decided to marry. Two week before the wedding a guy leads his girlfriend to her home. They go into the stairwell of her apartment building.

 

The guy:
- Darling, please, let's have sex, right here in the stairwell, I can't wait any longer. Only two weeks are left to the wedding, this won't change anything. Please, I want it so much.

- Sorry, no, and I have three reasons: 

1. If you have managed to wait for three years, you'll easily deal with two more weeks.

 

2. If anyone would see us making love in the stairwell, this would ruin everything. 

 

3. I still feel terrible backache after sex in the stairwell

[worldangel]

Joke: Three daughters

 

The mother had three virgin daughters. All three got married almost at the same time and went on a honeymoon. The mother was very worried about the beginning of their sexual life, and asked them to send her at least a few words how it's going. 

 

The first one sent a postcard from Hawaii, just after two days after the wedding. On top of it there was just one word: "Nescafe". Her mother ran into the  kitchen, find a coffee "Nescafe" and read on the label: "Blessing" until the  last drop". Mother blushed, but was satisfied with her daughter's happiness.  

 

The second daughter sent the postcard from Jamaica a few days later, where she read "Benson n Hedges" cigars. She immediately went to the man's room, where she found his "Benson Hedges" and read "Extra Long cigars. King Size". She again shyly blushed, but was happy for her daughter.

 

The third daughter went off for the honeymoon to Caribbean. Mother was waiting for the week – nothing. Week later - nothing again. Only a month later finally got a postcard, where with the trembling hand was written "British Airways". 

 

Mother quickly found a journal and began to look for what she was afraid about, and then she found British Airways advertisement and read: "Three times a day, seven days a week, in both ends!"

Edited July 27, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: A gift

 

Son: Daddy, what should I give my girlfriend as a gift?
Dad: How does she look ?

Son: She looks sweet, pretty, fun to be with and, of course, lovely..
Dad: Give her my number.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Examination

 

A young guy comes to a doctor. After examination the doctor says:
- So, we will have to cut one of your lungs. 

 

The guy is astonished and tells:
- But doctor, my lungs have always been great, I have never had any problems with them.
- I see it myself. But your liver have no room anymore.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Prepare your husband

 

Doctor:- Madam, please prepare your husband for the worst!

Wife: - Oh my goodness, will he die?

Doctor:- No. He will not be allowed to drink any beer!

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Bad news

 

During Marine Basic Training Camp a Captain received information that the mother of one of the recruits had passed away. The Captain calls Sergeant Black into his office and tells him, "When you line up the troops this morning you need to inform Private Jones that his mother died."

"Yes Sir!" says Black. That morning as the men were lined up Black bellows out, "Hup, hey, ho, ho. Jones your mother died." Jones falls over with a heart attack.

A month later the Captain calls Black into his office and says, "Black, you need to tell Private Smith his mother died. But this time use some tact. I don't want to lose another good recruit.

"Yes Sir!" Black answers.

This time when the men are lined up Black yells out, "Okay. All you men with living mothers take one step forward - NOT SO FAST, SMITH!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Poor pirate

 

 

One day a Pirate and a bartender were talking to each other in a bar. The Bartender asked the pirate "Where did ya get that peg leg from?"

The Pirate responded "We were sailing the seas when a big ol' shark came up to me while I was swimmin' and bit off me leg."

Later the Bartender asked "Where did you get that hook then?"

The pirate responded "Well, me crew and I were in a battle and it got cut through the bone."

The bartender then asked "Then where did ya get the eye patch from?"

The pirate said "In a harbor I looked at a gull flying over head and it took a dump right in me eye."

The bartender was puzzled and asked the pirate, "How would that make you get an eye patch?"

The pirate responded, "First day with the hook."

[worldangel]

Joke: Super natural power

 

A man comes into a small town and starts convincing people he has super-natural powers.
He meets a guy called George who is unable to walk without crutches and asks him: "George, how would you like to get rid of those crutches? Wwith my powers I will cure your legs so that you will be able to run like a tiger".

 

Then he goes to a guy called Stan who stutters and asks him if he would also like to be cured.
Stan says: "O---O---Of course I w--would like t--t--that".
So, the man invites the whole town to sit in front of a big stage, where he puts Stan and George behind a red curtain.

 

"Ladies and gentlemen", he says, "I will now ask George to through him crutches from behind the curtain". Immediately a pair of crutches is thrown from behind the curtain, and the audience is shocked.
"Ladies and gentlemen", he then says, "I will now ask John to speak without stuttering".

A few seconds of silence pass, but John is not heard.

"John, please, speak to us".
Still, nothing.

 

"John, everybody came to hear you speak, please, start now".
Then a sound is finally heard from behind the curtain:
"G--G--G-----George f-fell!"

Edited July 28, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Snow parking

 

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Strongman

 

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

[worldangel]

Joke: Great sale

 

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display.

"Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The gentleman was your doctor."

[worldangel]

Joke: Two Cows are talking through a...

Two Cows are talking through a fence. One cow says to the other, "You know, I'm really worried about this Mad Cow Disease."

 

The other cow says to him, "I wouldn't be too worried about it. It can't affect us chickens."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A woman went into a busy cake...

A woman went into a busy cake shop and when it was her turn to be served she commented, "You know, I came into this shop 15 years ago when I was just a girl." 

 

Snapped the harassed shop assistant, "I'm sorry about that but I'm serving as fast as I can."

 

Edited July 28, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: A man walks pass a beggar on the corner ...

A man walks pass a beggar on the corner of the street where he works. The beggar holds out his one hand and the man drops a coin into his hand. 

 

One day the man walks pass the beggar again and notices the beggar is holding hold out both his hands. He asks: "Why are you holding out both of your hands?" 

 

The beggar replied, "You see sir, business is going so well I decided to open another branch."
 

Edited July 28, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Facts of life...

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package."

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Armless man

 

An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender.

He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms.

The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips.

The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips.

The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.

The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?"

The bartender quickly replies -,

"The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Martini

 

 

A lady stumbles into a bar. She says, "Beertender, give me a dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it."

He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.

She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it." He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.

She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and you better put two pickles in it, because...because I've got heartburn."

The bartender says, "Look, lady...it's not beertender, it's bartender. It's not a martuni, it's a martini. It's not a dribble, it's a double. That's not a pickle, it's an onion. And you haven't got heartburn, You have your left breast in the Ashtray!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Problem with moths

 

This guy is having an affair with a married woman and her husband comes home early from work one day. She jumps up and tells the man to go into the bathroom to hide. Just as he gets in the bathroom and she hides his clothes under the bed, the husband opens the door and comes in.

He asks, ''What the hell are you doing?''

Thinking quickly, the wife says, ''Uhm...waiting for you.''

The suspicious husband looks at her in disbelief and says, ''But you're naked.''

Again the woman says, ''Yeah... I was waiting for you.''

The husband relaxes and says, ''Hold on, I'm going to jump in the shower. I'll be back in a flash!''

The wife tries to stop him but he just ignores her and rushes for the bathroom. When he opens the bathroom door, there is a naked man jumping around and clapping.

The husband asks,'' What in the hell are you doing?''

He replied, ''I'm the exterminator, and your wife called saying you guys had a problem with moths.''

The husband looks him over and says,''But you're naked.''

The man looks down, jumps in surprise and mutters, ''Them little bastards.''

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Doctor’s note

 

The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg's physician comes into his room and says,

"Sol, I'm happy to tell you that you are completely well. You have the heart function that you did when you were a fifteen-year-old lad. We're going to send you home tomorrow. You don't have to worry about your heart; do any physical exercise that you like."

Mr. Steinberg goes home and that evening is talking with his wife:

"Doris, you'll never believe it: I'm completely well. I have no worries with my heart. Tonight, Darling, you and I are going to make love like you've never had before, wild, passionate sex... you'll love it!"

Doris thinks for a minute and says,
"I don't know, Sol. I've heard about active sex and heart conditions. I don't want it to be on my head if you croak while we are making love. Maybe, just maybe, if your doctor wrote a note to me saying that everything was OK...maybe I would have such sex with you..."

Mr. Steinberg was dejected, but the next day he was in his doctor's office; his doctor tells him: "Sure, sure, Sol, no problem, I'll write the note. Let's see, here's my prescription pad:

"Mr. Sol Steinberg, a patient of mine, has the heart function of a fifteen-year-old lad and can have mad, passionate, adventurous sex any time that he so desires, signed, Dr. Aaron Katz... Now, I'll just address this... By the way, Sol, what's your wife's first name?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Hearing problem

 

Concerned husband goes to see the family doctor and says, "I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time I say something, in fact, I often have to repeat things over and over again."

"Well," the doctor replies, "go home and tonight and stand about 15 feet from her and say something. If she doesn't reply, move about five feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so we can get an idea about the severity of her deafness."

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen and as she is chopping some vegetables, he says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
He gets no response. He moves about five feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer.
Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Home cooked meal

 

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card, invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later.

His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.

"Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother.

"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook ..."

[worldangel]

Joke: Sliding down

 

John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away, noticed that John was ever so slowly sliding down his chair under the table while Mary acted unconcerned.

Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman,

"Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up and replied firmly, "Oh, no. He did not. In fact, he just walked in the front door."

[worldangel]

Joke: Great shape

 

An elderly couple goes to their doctor for a checkup. The man goes in first. "How're you doing?" asks the doctor.

"Pretty good," answers the old man. "I'm eating well, and I'm still in control of my bowels and bladder. In fact, when I get up at night to pee, the good Lord turns the light on for me."

The doctor decides not to comment on that last statement, and goes into the next room to check on the man's wife.

"How're you feeling?" he asks.

"I'm doing well," answers the old woman. "I still have lots of energy and I'm not feeling any pain."

The doctor says, "That's nice. It sounds like you and your husband are both doing well. One thing though - your husband said that when he gets up to pee at night, the good Lord turns the light on for him. Do you have any idea what he means?"

"Oh No," says the woman, "He's peeing in the refrigerator again."

[worldangel]

Joke: Head swimming

 

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first one has no arms. The second one has no legs and the third one has no body, just a head.

They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool.

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where upon the head starts coughing and sputtering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some **** puts a swimming cap on me!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Contempt of court

 

Having had to take the day off work to appear in court for a minor traffic summons, the man was growing increasingly restless as he waited hour after hour for his case to be heard.

Finally, late in the afternoon, his case was called. He stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned until the next day and he would have to return.

"What!" What for?" he yelled at the judge.

His Honor, equally irritated by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared, "That will be twenty dollars for contempt of court! That's what for!"

Noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge added, "That's all right. You don't have to pay right now."

The man replied, "Oh, I'm just looking to see if I have enough for two more words!"

[worldangel]

Joke: The boss

 

A manager was complaining in a staff meeting that he wasn't getting any respect.

Later that morning he went out and got a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss".

He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said.

"Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

[worldangel]

Joke: No pants

 

One day, Jimmy is walking home from school. When he gets home, he finds his grandpa sitting on the Porch without any pants on!

So he goes up to his grandpa and says "Grandpa, do you realize that you're not wearing any pants?" His grandpa replies "Yes Jimmy, I do."

Jimmy then says "Well, why are you outside without any pants on Grandpa?"

His grandpa looks at Jimmy and responds "Well Jimmy, yesterday I sat outside without a shirt to long, and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma's idea."

[worldangel]

Joke: Anatomy

 

A new bride went to her doctor for a check-up. Lacking knowledge of the male anatomy, she asked the doctor "What's that thing hanging between my husband’s legs?"

The doctor replies "We call that the penis." The new bride then asks "What's that reddish/purple thing on the end of the penis?"

The doctor replies "We call that the head of the penis. The bride then asks "What are those 2 round things about 15 inches from the head of the penis?"

The doctor replies "Lady, on him I don't know, but on me they're the cheeks of my ass!"

[worldangel]

Joke: New manhood

 

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.

The doctor said that the cost would be $3500 for small, $6500 for medium, and $14,000 for large. The man was sure he wanted a large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.

The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.

The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking quite dejected.

"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.

The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

[clementi]

Joke: Marketing & Advertising1

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!"

= That's Direct Marketing =

Edited July 29, 2015 by clementi

[clementi]

Joke: Marketing & Advertising2

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.

One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him."

= That's Advertising =

[clementi]

Joke: Marketing & Advertising3

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her, get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."

= That's Telemarketing =

[clementi]

Joke: Marketing & Advertising4

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie you walk up to her and pour her a drink...You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say,

"By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"

= That's Public Relations =

[clementi]

Joke: Marketing & Advertising5

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich.."

= That's Brand Recognition =

[clementi]

Joke: Marketing & Advertising6

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face

=== That's Customer Feedback !!!!! ===

[clementi]

Joke: Marketing & Advertising7

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband

= That's Demand and supply gap =

[clementi]

Joke: Marketing & Advertising8

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" she turns her face towards you ------------ sh...sh...sh...she is your wife !

= That's competition eating into your market share =

[clementi]

Joke: Toilet humour

A lady came in for a routine physical at the Doctor’s office . “Here”, said the nurse, handing her a urine specimen container.

“The bathroom is over there on your right. The Doctor will be with you in a few minutes.” A few minutes later the lady came out of the bathroom with an empty container and a relieved look on her face.

“Thanks! But they had a toilet in there, so I didn’t need this after all!”

[clementi]

Joke: Poor husband

Sally walked in to the Dentist office to make an appointment. “How much do you charge to pull out a tooth?” She asked.” “It’s $130″, was the prompt reply. “$130!” gasped Sally, that’s ridiculous!

There must be a way for you to go cheaper.” “Well,” said the Dentist thoughtfully, I suppose if we don’t numb it, we could knock off $30.” “Only $30?,” countered Sally, “that’s still $100, you’ve got to make it cheaper.”

“Well,” said the Dentist after a long pause, “I suppose if we take it out with a wrench we could knock it down to $50.” “Perfect”, said Sally happily. “I would like to make an appointment for next Tuesday, for my husband Jack.”

[clementi]

Joke: Birthday present

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife's birthday. But she was willing to let it pass if he made it up to her in the right way.

His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat".

The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale...