Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: The blonde

 

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road when her car breaks down. She goes to the nearest farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "My car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until I can get some help tomorrow?"

 

"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke." The blonde looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer.

"Okay," she says. After going to bed, the woman begins to get a little hot thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?" They say, "Huh?" She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers."

 

She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long. Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth. Jed says, "Luke? You remember that blonde woman that came by here forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?" "Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."

 

"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed. "Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not." "Me neither," says Jed. "Let's take these things off."

[worldangel]

Joke: Hearing aid

 

An elderly couple was attending church services.

 

About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband.

 

"I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"

 

He replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

[worldangel]

Joke: Two deaf-mutes

 

One day two deaf-mutes meet on the street. They had been friends in school but had lost touch over time. They used sign language to catch up on old times. Through the course of conversation one of the deaf-mutes learned the other had learned to speak and was no longer mute. This amazed the fellow that was still mute and he asked about the procedure. His friend gave him the doctor's card and went on his way. The deaf mute wasted no time and went straight to the doctor's office.

 

The doctor informed the procedure took 26 days and cost one million dollars. The man handed the doc his insurance card and begged the doctor to start the treatment that day. The doctor had the man strip and lay over the examination table. The doctor went to his closet and took out a bucket of mayonnaise and a broom handle with a door knob on the end. The doc got a running start and shoved the mayonaise covered door knob up the deaf-mute's ass.

 

The mute screamed, "AY!AY!AY!" The doctor said, "very good we will work on the B's tomorrow."

[worldangel]

Joke: Where is the toast?

 

An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.

 

When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" "Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream." "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." "My memory's not all that bad," says the husband.

 

"No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down." He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs. She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Husband’s hearing

 

An elderly lady was concerned about her husband’s hearing. It seemed that every time she would call him, he wouldn’t respond. So, the lady went to the doctor to ask his advice. The doctor said to her, “when you go home, tell your husband to stand at the end of the hallway, and you should stand at the other end. Ask him what he wants for dinner.

 

Continue to move him closer towards you until he responds to your question so you know exactly how far away he is from you when he finally hears you.” She thought this was a great idea. When she got home, she placed her husband at the end of the hallway and yelled, “Herbert, what do you want for dinner?”

 

There was no response. She moved 10 feet closer. Again she yelled, “Herbert, what do you want for dinner?” No response. She moved another 15 feet closer to where she was now practically face to face with her husband. She yelled even louder this time, “HERBERT, what do you want for dinner?” Herbert yelled back at her, “For the THIRD time, I want chicken!”

[worldangel]

Joke: 50 Years marriage

 

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years.

 

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."

 

"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

 

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

[worldangel]

Joke: No refills

 

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I’m afraid so," the doctor told her.

 

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’."

[worldangel]

Joke: Senior centre

 

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

 

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations"

 

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

 

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

 

"SH*T!" said the Hypnotist. It took three days to clean up the Senior Center.

[worldangel]

Joke: Tyrone

 

Tyrone' s 1st day in the first grade he comes home crying. When his mother ask why he replays. "The teacher told us to say our abc' s and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to e why is that."

 

Mom says "cause u black and they white." Next day Tyrone is crying again . "What's wrong today Tyrone" his mother ask. Tyrone said "teacher told us to count to 100 and all the little white boys did but I could only get to 10 why is that."

 

Mom says "cause u black and they white." Next day he comes home smiling. "What happened today Tyrone?" Tyrone says mama "we went to the bathroom and my thing was biggest of all . Is that cause I'm black and they white."

 

Mama says "no Tyrone it's cause u 17 and they 6."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Windshield issue

 

This guy calls his wife at work and says, "Don't worry, I'm fine and the damage is minimal." She says, "Oh my gosh, what happened?" He says, "I was coming back from lunch and a bird hit my car windshield."

 

"How much damage did it do?" she asked. "Minimal, however I did get a ticket." "A ticket how did you get that?" "Well, I managed to reach the bird through the window and throw it behind me, however it hit the windshield of the car behind me. It was a highway patrol car and the officer gave me a ticket."

 

"What for?" she asked, "Damaging his windshield?" "No, for flipping him the bird!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Sorry, I’m at back seat

 

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.

 

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.

 

"Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

[worldangel]

Joke: I’m waiting for you

 

The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

 

The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

[worldangel]

Joke: No witness

 

The officer reported to the watch commander about having no luck with the witness.

 

"Did you browbeat him, yell at him, and ask him every question you could come up with?" asked the watch commander.

 

"I certainly did." "And?" "And he said, 'Yes dear you're right,' and dozed off!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Little old lady

 

A frail little old lady walked up to a cop and said, "I was attacked! I was attacked!"

 

The cop said, "When?" She said, "Twenty-three years ago."

 

The cop said, "What are you telling me now for?"

 

The little old lady said, "I just like to talk about it once in a while."

[worldangel]

Joke: Two rednecks

 

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said.

 

"We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.

 

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."

[worldangel]

Joke: At sheriff’s office

 

A man walks into the sheriff's office.... "I want to become a deputy!" "Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.

 

The poster reads: 'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'

 

"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful young man. "Rustling."

[worldangel]

Joke: The blonde

 

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

 

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.

 

Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Policeman & dog owner

 

Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.

 

Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.

[worldangel]

Joke: A lecture

 

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.

 

"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.

 

"My wife." said the man.

[worldangel]

Joke: My wife ran away

 

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.

 

The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."

 

The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Agnes and her kids

 

Agnes married and had 13 children. When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children.

 

Alas, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, Lord, they’re finally together.

 

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: First time driving

 

A woman is driving for 1st time on the highway.

 

Her husband calls says: "Be careful love, It's just been on the radio, that someone is driving opposite to the traffic on the highway.."

 

She replies: "Someone...? These rascals are in hundreds!"

[worldangel]

Joke: The arrogant girl

 

At a dancing party a shy boy approached a girl and asked, "Will you dance with me, please?"

 

The arrogant girl says, "I don’t dance with a kid."

 

The taken back boy apologized, "I am sorry, I did not realize you were pregnant."

[worldangel]

Joke: For women only

 

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

 

The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

 

The women start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up.

 

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick."

 

The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

[worldangel]

Joke: Invite friends for supper

 

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

 

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that."

 

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

[worldangel]

Joke: Skippy

 

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole.

 

The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".

 

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!".

 

A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivalled a train whistle blowing! Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Vacuum cleaner salesman

 

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the First house of the street. A tall lady answered the door. Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

 

"Madam, if I could not clean this up within 5 minutes with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this dung!" exclaimed the eager salesman. "Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

 

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?" "There's no electricity in the house…" said the lady.

[worldangel]

Joke: Hiccups

 

A woman went to her doctor's clinic. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained.

 

He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

 

The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. "Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Car accident

 

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

 

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from Heaven that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

 

The man replied, "I agree with you completely." "This must be a sign from Heaven!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.

 

Surely the Heaven wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

 

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cork back in and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."

[worldangel]

Joke: No erection at all

 

Doctor, the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore." "Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

 

So, the worried fellow returned with his wife the following pad. The doctor greeted the coupled and then said, "Please remove your clothes, Mrs. Thomas."

 

The woman obliged and removed her clothing. "Okay, now turn all the way around... Now, lie down please... Uh-huh, I see. Alright, you can put your clothes back on." While the woman was busy dressing herself again, the doctor took the husband aside.

 

"You're in perfect health," he said to the man. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

[worldangel]

Joke: Wife or dog

 

Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?

 

 A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.

[worldangel]

Joke: The little old lady

 

This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent.

 

As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent." The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

 

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly."

 

"Good", the doctor said, "now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing."

[worldangel]

Joke: The genie and the lawyers

 

A paralegal, an associate, and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

 

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one." "Me first!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Tom Cruise." Poof! She's gone.

 

"Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone. "You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says: "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

[worldangel]

Joke: At Supermarket

 

An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters WalMart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason.

 

The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?"

 

The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?"

 

"No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."

[worldangel]

Joke: Legs sticking in the air

 

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"

 

His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so the Heaven can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" said Dad.

 

"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Ow Heaven, I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Fat bird?

 

A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police.

 

The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"

 

"Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Funeral arrangement

 

A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother.

 

‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son.

 

The mother replies, ‘I don’t know. Surprise me.’

[worldangel]

Joke: Fertilizer

 

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.

 

A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"

 

"Fertilizer," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.

 

"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him.

 

"We put sugar and cream on ours."

[worldangel]

Joke: In Las Vegas

 

After a long time two friends met, happy to see each other. One of them, chewing on something big, asked his friend how was he and what was new in his life.

 

After the friend told his story, he asked the same question to the friend who was chewing something. "So, what’s up man?" "It’s a shitty period, there is nothing that works in my life and I feel really bad." "What is going on?! "Last Saturday I went to Las Vegas. You know that from time, to time I’m going there to play at casino, three or four times a year. I took with me thousand dollars and I put the other hundred in my driving license that I left in the car.

 

For the safety reasons, you know, if it goes really bad at casino, I must have the money to pay highway and go back home. And so I walked in casino, I bought the chips and found an empty seat on a roulette table, next to a beautiful woman, about forty years old with a very provocative neckline. I made my first bet on 32, the number of my house, aiming 10 dollars." "How did it go?" The guy continues to tell his story, without stopping to chew something.

 

"Released! I felt all the winning streak and I bet again on 32 and it’s released again. I was winning almost 13 000 dollars and the adrenaline was at maximum. I felt like I was the Heaven and around the table came so many people to congratulated me and I bet more than 10 thousand dollars on 23." "And it went out again?" "No! This time came out a bloody 13. Do you realize that I had the bad luck? I had in my hands a lot of money and if 32 came out I was settled for a life time. But the horrid number 13 ruined my evening and the hole week after."

 

"I understand you very well. It ‘s really to eat the balls." The other friend, continuing to chew louder: "What do you think I’m doing?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Vodka

 

A guy comes across a bottle of vodka on the street.

 

He picks it up and a genie comes out, "You are my master. You now have one wish."

 

The man says, "I would like to piss vodka." When the he gets home, he tells his wife to get two glasses. She asks what they'll be drinking. He tells her he can piss vodka and demonstrates for her. It was the best vodka they'd ever had.

 

The next night the  guy comes home tired and tells his wife to get one glass. She asks, "Why only one glass?" "Because tonight," he says, "you should drink from the bottle."

[worldangel]

Joke: Looking for little mouse

 

Billy woke up in the middle of the night, thirsty. Instead of going to the kitchen though, he goes to his parents’ bedroom, while they were about to have sex and his father had a condom in his hand.

 

The father, surprised by his son entrance, bent over pretending to look for something.

 

"What are you looking for?" Billy asked.

 

"Aw, well..hmm.. I’m looking for a little mouse!" the father lied.

 

 So, Billy spontaneously: "Why..? To “jump” it..?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Tomatos

 

One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"

 

So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos" Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said "Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonaise on me"!

[worldangel]

Joke: Three rabbits

 

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots.

 

They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.

 

The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.

 

"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one. "I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second. "I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."

[worldangel]

Joke: Crunchy cheetos

 

There was a guy and he went to the doctor and he showed the doctor his dick. He asked why it was orange and the doctor replied: Have you been doing anything unusual?

 

And he said: No. So the doctor ran so tests then he sent the guy home told him to come back in 2 weeks. So he did and it was even orange so once again the doctor asked: Have you been doing anything at all unusual?

 

And the guy said: Well about 2 weeks ago I was watching porno and eating a bag of crunchy cheetos.

Edited October 2, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Red panties

 

An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband.

 

When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties.

 

"Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!"

 

The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"

[worldangel]

Joke: The story at 4-storey building

 

There is a four-storey building. On the fourth storey there is a butcher, on the third storey there is a guy with a really long dick, on the second storey there is a painter who likes to paint things green, and on the first story there is a guy who loves to eat pickles.

 

So one day, the guy on the third storey had a problem, his dick was too hot so he stuck it out the window. Then the butcher thought it was salami and he chopped it off. It then fell down to the second storey were the painter painted it green and accidentally threw it out the window and fell down in the pickle jar of the first storey.

 

Suddenly the guy in the first storey picked the painted piece of dick from the jar and ate it. He then told his wife: Ohh this pickle is yummy, especially with the white filling!

Edited October 2, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Monday – Tuesday - Wednesday

 

Monday – a very, very, good day! The leader’s daughter lost. We found her and all of us made sex with her.

 

Tuesday – a very, very, good day! The leader's wife lost. We found her and all of us made sex with her.

 

Wednesday – a very, very, very, very, very, very, bad day! ... I lost! … Now they're looking for me.

[worldangel]

Joke: Magic dildo

 

"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says. "What? There's no such thing," she replied. "No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'"

 

A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!" She says. She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store.

 

On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo. Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red.

 

She ends up getting pulled over by a cop. After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story.

 

She explains about the magic dildo and the shop. The gay cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."

[clementi]

Joke: Koala & prostitute

 

A Koala and a prostitute had just finished having sex, so the Prostitute said, "All right, now give me my money!" The Koala replied, "Money, what for?" "What for?", the Prostitute growled, "Look up Prostitute in the dictionary and read what it says."

 

So the Koala looked up prostitute in the dictionary. It said, "Prostitute- A woman who is paid to have sex." "Okay," said the Koala, "now you look up Koala in the dictionary, and read what it says."

 

So the Prostitute looked up Koala in the dictionary. It said, "Koala- A furry animal who eats bush, then leaves."

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: You are gonna hate Saturdays

 

A man died and went to hell and was sitting on a stone looking very depressed. Another demon came up to him and asked: "Why the glum look, man?" The man replied: "Well I just died and now I'm in hell."

 

But the demon just smiled and said: "Don't feel bad, it's not a bad thing at all. Do you like smoking?" the demon asked. The man's face lit up and he answered; "Yeah!" "Well on Mondays we all get together and smoke till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Alright!" creid the man.

 

"Do you like drinking?" the demon asked. "Yeah!" The man answered. "Well on Wednesdays we all get together and drink till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Sweet!" cried the man.

 

"Are you gay?" asked the demon. The man frowned and said: "No." The demon replied: "Oh, then you're gonna hate Saturdays..."