Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: Just married

 

The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn’t too sure how to get there, so he told the couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their destination.

 

Meanwhile, the lovers couldn’t wait to get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat. During the couple’s moment of passion, the cabdriver noticed a fork in the road, and said, "I take the next turn, right?" "Screw NO, get your own woman," said the groom, "this one’s all mine!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Homesick

 

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

 

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal."

 

The trucker replies, "Listen darling’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick."

[worldangel]

Joke: Two old coots

 

The two old coots were both only a year short of retirement from the assembly line, but one Monday morning that didn't keep Joe from boasting to Manny about his sexual endurance.

 

"Three times," gasped Manny admiringly. "How'd you do it?" "It was easy." Joe looked down modestly. "I made love to my wife, and then I rolled over and took a ten-minute nap. When I woke up again, I made love to her again and took another ten-minute nap. And then I put it to her again.

Can you believe it! I woke up this morning feeling like a bull, I'll tell you." "I gotta try it," said Manny. "Lorraine won't believe it's happening."

 

So that night he made love to his wife, took a ten-minute nap, made love to her again, took another nap, woke up and made love to her a third time, then rolled over and fell sound asleep.

 

He woke up feeling like a million bucks, pulled on his clothes, and ran to the factory, where he found his boss waiting outside for him. "What's up, Boss?" he asked. "I've been working for you for twenty years and never been late once. You aren't going to hold these twenty minutes against me now, are you?" "What twenty minutes?" growled the boss.

 

"Where were you on Tuesday and Wednesday?"

[worldangel]

Joke: BMW

 

A small boy was awoken in the middle of the night by strange noises from his parents’ room, and he decided to investigate. As he entered their bedroom, he was shocked to see his mom and dad shagging for all they were worth.

 

“DAD!” he shouted. “What are you doing?” “It’s ok,” his father replied. “Your mother wants a baby, that’s all.” The small boy, excited at the prospect of a new baby brother, was pleased and went back to bed with a smile on his face. Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother giving oral gratification to his father.

 

“DAD!” he shouted. “What are you doing now?” “Son, there’s been a change of plan,” his father replied. “Your mother did want a baby, but now she wants a BMW.”

Edited October 13, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: The farm boy

 

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling on the farm, was sent by his Ma and Pa to the big city to go to college. The first thing the boy does when he gets to town, is go to find a whorehouse. He goes inside to talk to the madam about getting a girl.

 

She leads him upstairs, opens the door to a room and tells him to sit and wait for the girl to arrive. After several minutes of anxious waiting, a young, blonde prostitute comes in. The boy is beside himself, and he leaps up from the bed, grabs the television, and throws it out the window. The girl thinks this is odd behaviour, but she shrugs it off, and begins to undress.

 

As she strips, the farm boy runs over, grabs the night stand and throws it out the window. Again the girl thinks this is odd, but being an experienced hooker, she figures it's a fetish and continues disrobing. The girl removes her panties, and with that, the farm boy grabs the entire bed and starts lugging it toward the window.

 

The girl, figuring this is one even she hasn't heard of, finally asks, "What the hell are you doing?" The farm boy replies, "Ah ain't never been with no woman before but, if it's anythin' like fuckin' sheep, we gonna need all the room we can get."

[worldangel]

Joke: Two old friends

 

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh, NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."

 

"I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh, NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are."

 

"I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh, NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"

[worldangel]

Joke: How long you can last on $40?

 

A man was telling his wife that he wanted to go to this country in which women paid men twenty dollars every time they had sex. She replied, "I do too!"

 

He gets confused and asks why. She tells him, "I'd like to see how long you can last on forty dollars a month."

[worldangel]

Joke: The newly-wed couple

 

Some newly-weds arrive to the hotel and the girl very afraid tells her husband: "Honey, I don't know nothing of this, can you help me, please?"

 

I will Honey, starting from this instant, we will call your thing the prison and my thing will we call the prisoner, so... we will put the prisoner in the prison" And they throw the first one and the guy is laying face up on the bed, but the girl was delighted and tells her husband: "Love, the prisoner is outside the prison!!!"

 

The guy not very delighted tells her: "Let’s put him into the prison another time!!" And the second ...but the girl is very sweet-toothed and she tells him: "!! Honey !!!... .The prisoner is out again!!!" The man rises, with the legs like a recently born foal. And they throw the third!!! He is laying on the bed, exhausted and the girl says: "!!! Honey, the prisoner escaped again!!!" And he answers with his last breath: "HEY !, It's not life imprisonment!!

[worldangel]

Joke: Married couple

 

A married couple had gotten into an argument and for many days had not been talking to each other. Instead they were writing notes back and forth.

 

One evening the husband walked up to the wife and handed her a note that said, “Wake me up tomorrow at 6 in the morning.”

 

When he woke up the next morning it was 9. He immediately got angry with his wife and turned around to speak to her.

 

On her pillow was a note that said, “Wake up, it’s 6!”

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Daughter & Dad

 

Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever.

 

Me: What's that hunny?

 

Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk.

 

Me: Tell that niggie, if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?

[worldangel]

Joke: Making frosting

 

One day a mom and her son went to the zoo. There they saw two monkeys having sex.

 

The son asked "What are they doing?". The mom said "Ohh they are making frosting", then they saw hippos doing it then he said "Mom what are they doing?"

 

"Making frosting" she said. Later that night he saw the mom doing it.

 

In the morning he said "Mom you and dad were making frosting so I ate it!"

[worldangel]

Joke: The horse

 

A girl was pampering a horse with her hand while watching display of the horses, suddenly she touched the genital of the horse.

 

The excited horse screeched, jumped and ran away very fast. The horse’s guard faced the girl and said, “Ma’am please do the same to me, so I can run, chase and retrieve my boss’s horse.”

[worldangel]

Joke: Wishing well

 

A couple come across a wishing well.

 

The husband leans over, makes a wish and throws in a penny.

 

The wife makes a wish too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well and drowns.

 

The husband says, ‘Wow! It really works!’

[worldangel]

Joke: Wedding ring

 

A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring.

 

As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.

 

"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"

 

With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."

[worldangel]

Joke: Night before Christmas

 

It was the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass.

 

When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell.

 

He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart.

 

He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."

[worldangel]

Joke: Egg

 

Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him: "Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!"

 

"I do not want," says the little one. "Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful."

 

"I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest. "My dear son, eat your egg to make your bird grow."

 

And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Sandwiches

 

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00

 

He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.

 

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.

 

"Yes," she purrs. "I am." "Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man.

 

"I want a cheese sandwich!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Three guys died

 

Three guys die and go to Hell. Satan asks the first guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?"

 

"He was a candle maker." So, Satan burns off the guy's dick. Satan asks the second guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a rope maker."

 

So, Satan rips off the guy's dick with a rope. Satan asks the third guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" The guy smiles and says, "He made lollipops."

[worldangel]

Joke: One chair

 

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.

 

When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

 

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

[worldangel]

Joke: First date

 

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work.

 

These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.

 

He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list.

 

He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

[worldangel]

Joke: At gynaecologist

 

A woman goes to the gynaecologist for the first time and is awfully nervous. When the doctor comes into the examining room, he notices immediately that she's very tense.

 

"Listen, dear. I know this must be scary for you. Do you want me to give you some thing to numb you down there?"

 

The girl doesn't say anything, but just nods her head yes. So the doctor removes her underwear, puts his mouth in her crotch. "Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb..."

[worldangel]

Joke: Ferris wheel

 

A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds.

 

The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself.

 

The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet. ”Are you hurt?” he asked.

 

”Of course I’m hurt!” she replied. “Three times around and you didn’t wave once!”

[worldangel]

Joke: Wedding anniversary

 

On their 25th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Joseph was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

 

"Tell us Joseph, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

 

Joseph responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."

[worldangel]

Joke: The trucker

 

A man is driving his eighteen wheeler down the road, when he sees a hitch hiker. So the trucker stops and picks up the man.

 

While they are driving down the road, the trucker says "Hey man, you wanna see something pretty cool?" The hitch hiker says sure.

 

So the trucker has this monkey in the back, and he makes it come up with the men, and he smacks the monkey up side his head, and the monkey gives him a blow job. So after that, the trucker says "Hey man, do you want some of that?"

 

And the hitch hiker says "Sure, but just don't smack me so hard."

[worldangel]

Joke: Three daughters

 

A father has three daughters that are all getting married on the same day. He asks his oldest daughter, ''Who do you wish to marry?

 

She says, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with three dragons on his chest.''

 

He walks over to his second daughter and asks her the same question. She replies, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with two dragons on his chest.''

 

He then goes to his youngest daughter and asks her the same thing: ''Who do you wish to marry?''

 

She replies, ''I wish to marry the man with one draggin' on the floor!''

[worldangel]

Joke: Lot bigger than yours

 

My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!"

 

The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."

[worldangel]

Joke: Dildo

 

The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge. A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo. She looks at the shelf behind the register.

 

"How much for the white one?" "$10." "How much for the black one?" "$20." She buys the white one. A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo. After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one.

 

A third lady comes in for a dildo. She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one. She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went.

 

"Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Crabs or lobster?

 

A guy picks up a prostitute and proceeds to spend a couple of hours with her at a seedy motel.

 

A few days later, he finds that he has caught crabs.

 

He chases down the prostitute and says, "hey bitch, you gave me crabs".

 

She replies, "What'd you expect for ten bucks? Lobster?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Senior’s single bar

 

Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?"

 

The old woman replies shyly, "Depends... ." "Depends on what?" he asks. "On my bottom -- where else?!"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Paratrooper training

 

One day a young paratrooper came to visit his father after he had completed training to become a paratrooper and began discussing his training.

The young man told his father that training began with us jumping off platforms, each day they got higher and higher until the day came that we got to jump out of a real airplane.

The drill sergeant asked for volunteers to go first.

The father asked, "Did you volunteer to go?" The young man said "Oh no, I was too scared" Then the father said " what did the drill sergeant do with the people that didn't jump out"

"Well" the young man said "the drill sergeant told us that if we didn't jump out he was going to throw us out”

The father asked "did he throw you out?"

The young man said "Oh no, I held on to the side of that door for dear life I wouldn't let him throw me out for nothing."

Then the father asked, "well, then what did the drill sergeant do?" He replied, " The drill sergeant told me that if I didn't jump out he was going to shove his dick up my ass"

His dad asked, "Well did you jump?"

The young man replied "Well YEAH, a little at first."

Edited October 15, 2015 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Alligator king

 

This dude was walking through a swampy forest, when he came across a baby alligator tangled in some roots.

Seeing how the little alligator was struggling, he set it free.

The ground shook and out came a huge alligator, big as a house, with a crown on his head and said, "I'm the king of the alligators, you saved my son and I shall grant you one wish".

The man said, "Ok, make my dick so long that it reaches the ground.

The alligator king snapped his jaw twice, and bit his legs off.

[worldangel]

Joke: New panties

 

An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband.

 

When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties.

 

"Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!"

 

The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"

[worldangel]

Joke: The newlywed wife

 

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you.

 

Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."

 

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

 

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."

[worldangel]

Joke: My brother does it

 

This man was driving on the highway and runs a red light.

The passenger says "didn't you see that light? It was red."

The driver says "my brother runs reds all the time." So then they come to another red light and run the red light.

Once again the passenger says didn't you see that red light?" The driver once again says "My brother does it all the time."

So then they come up to a GREEN light and he stops.

Then the passenger says the light is green, you can go." Then the driver says "My brother might be coming."

[worldangel]

Joke: Big as truck

 

A father and his 6-year-old son walk into a bank. When they get in line the son notices the very large woman in front of them. The son tugs at the dad’s jacket and says, "Daddy, look! That lady is huge!" the father replies "yes son she's as big as a truck".

About a minute later the large woman’s beeper goes off and the kid pushes his father out of the way and yells, "Look out dad!!! It’s backing up!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Due to the argument

 

They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking to each other.

 

Instead, they were giving each other written notes.

 

One evening he gave her a paper where it said: "Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am."

 

The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock.

 

Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying: "Wake up, it's 6 o'clock!"

[worldangel]

Joke: A beautiful story

 

Little Johnny rushed home from school and told his mom, "Mommy, mommy, I saw Daddy driving by my school with Aunty Joan into the woods. I followed them and saw Daddy taking Aunty Joan's clothes off..."

Mommy stopped him,” Wait. Little Johnny, that's a beautiful story; Why don’t you tell when Daddy gets home?"

So after supper mommy asks little Johnny to tell his story.

He starts over, "Today I say daddy and Aunty Joan driving by my school into the woods. When I followed them, I saw daddy taking off Aunty Joan's clothes and Aunty Joan taking daddy's clothes off; and they did what you and Uncle Chris did when daddy was away!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Just married

 

Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners.

 

So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed.

 

Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however.

 

She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!"

 

Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it.

 

"Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"

[worldangel]

Joke: The parrot

 

A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day.

 

The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language.

 

The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home.

 

When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam."

 

When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls."

 

Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner. When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says, "Brawkk! Hi Phil!"

[worldangel]

Joke: First argument

 

An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage.

 

He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’

 

‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’

[worldangel]

Joke: Honeymoon

 

A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon.

 

Two days into the weeklong trip, the wife goes to the front desk and demands a car to take her to the airport.

 

A few hours later, the husband strolls past the front desk.

 

The manager asks why his wife has left the island. "Were you not having a good time?"

 

The man replies, "Well, I've been having the best time of my life, but it's been with the maid."

[worldangel]

Joke: Tequila

 

A young man walks into a bar and orders a Kamikaze.

 

As soon as he is severed he slams it down. And before the bartender can walk away he calls out I need a shot of Tequila. So the bat tender pours the tequila.

 

And no sooner than he is server he slams it back and then the young man asks for a shot of Gin.

 

The bar tender compiles with the request, and out of curiosity asks the young man are you celebrating?

 

The young man nods, and says quietly my first blow job.

 

The bartender smiles and says I remember my first. The young man looks up and says so how did you get rid of that taste?

[worldangel]

Joke: At the pharmacy

 

He went to the pharmacy and bought a bottle of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant. Upon returning home, his wife said "I've been thinking, there's no reason we can't go for a month."

 

Mr. Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for 12 bottles of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant.

 

When he returned his wife said, "Since the children are on their own, what's stopping us from cruising the world?" He went back and bought 200 bottles of seasick pills and more tubes of lubricant.

 

The pharmacist finally had to ask: "You know, Mr. Johnson, I don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why the hell do you do it?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Weight lose

 

A man takes his clothes off and says to his wife. “Honey, I lost 10 pounds, do you see my six-pack?”

The wife looks at him puzzled and silent for a moment. She then said, “No dear, I don’t see a six pack but I do see a six piece”.

The husband is shocked, with a surprised look he asks, “A six piece?”

“Yes, she says, a six piece…. 2 legs, 2 thighs, and 2 breasts”!!!!!!

[worldangel]

Joke: Wrong man

 

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”

 

The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”

[worldangel]

Joke: The shower

 

Ray shows up at the bar all out of breath so Dewey asks him what the hell is wrong with you? 

So Ray says "I’ve been running from the cops but I finally lost them" 

Dewey then asked "what the hell did you do?" 

Ray replied "I was pissing in the shower and the cops showed up to arrest me!" 

"That’s not against the law" said Dewey, 

"That’s what I thought," said Ray. 

"But those guys at Home Depot sure must of thought it was" 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Closed shave

 

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. 

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." 

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?" 

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does." 

[worldangel]

Joke: Rest room talk

 

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?' 

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom, but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin' just fine.' 

And the other guy says: 'So what are you up to?' 

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling.' 

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. 'Can I come over?' 

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, 'No........I'm a little busy right now!!!' 

Then I hear the guy say nervously... 

'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions.' 

[worldangel]

Joke: Old lady’s phone

 

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called -- and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

 

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring.

 

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found..... 

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring. 

.....Which goes to show that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning 

[worldangel]

Joke: The fly

 

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when she happened upon a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since she had had her last meal, she flew down and began to eat. She ate and ate.

 

Finally, she decided she had eaten enough and tried to fly away. She had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As she looked around wondering what to do, she spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall.

 

She climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once she got airborne, she would be able to take flight. Unfortunately she was wrong and she dropped like a rock, and smashed when she hit the floor. Dead! 

ARE YOU READY FOR THE MORAL OF THE STORY? 

Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of shi*t.