Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: What is a girl supposed to do?

What is a girl supposed to do?

The other day, I got a call from an unidentified number.

The caller said: Do you have a boyfriend?

I replied: Yes, why?

The caller said: So you have a boyfriend. This is your FATHER! You are barely in your teens and you have a boyfriend already?! I am coming home right now so we can have a little discussion!

I was already in trouble, and then I received another call, again from an unidentified number.

The caller said: Do you have a boyfriend?

I said : NO.

The caller said: This is your boyfriend. I can see you don't love me. 

I said: Wait, sweetheart. I love you!!

The caller said : This is not your boyfriend. It's still your FATHER. I wanted to re-confirm you have a boyfriend. I'm on my way!!
 

[worldangel]

Joke: This man comes through a door ...

This man comes through a door to the bar and slipped on a pile of crap, he mumbles and brushes himself off. He orders a drink and sits down.

 

A few minutes later a younger man walks through the door yelling and screaming, and he slips on the pile of crap. He gets up and looks around, and then he sits down next to the older guy.

 

The older man says, "I did that!" The younger man punches the old man and leaves.

 

Edited May 15, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: Letter to Company

After trying a new shampoo for the first time, a guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.

Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items.

“Well, what do you think?” his wife asked smiling.

“Next time,” he replied. “I'm writing to General Motors!”

[worldangel]

Joke: What happened here???

A guy comes home in the middle of the day, finds his wife standing in the middle of their deluxe apartment wearing a red G-string, high heels, and the whole apartment is flooded.

"What happened here?" he asks.

"I think the waterbed busted," says the trembling wife.

Just then a guy floats by.

"Who's that?" demands the husband.

"I dunno. Must be a lifeguard."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Joe had asked Bob to help him ...

Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.

Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better. Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears.

Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Getting a Cake

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you're finished." 

Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!" 

Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"

Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"

[worldangel]

 

Joke: A trip to the movies...

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.

After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. As he handed the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I went to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself this evening. We have sound now."

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Bill & Moe

Bill and Moe had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer business with sales in the millions. Their company employed over two hundred people, and the two executives lived like princes. 

Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply, former customers disappeared, the business failed, and personal debts forced both into bankruptcy. Bill and Moe blamed each other for the troubles, and they parted on unfriendly terms. 

Five years later, Bill drove up to a decrepit diner and stopped for a cup of coffee. As he was discreetly wiping some crumbs from the table, a waiter approached. Bill looked up and gasped. 
"Moe!" he said, shaking his head. "It's a terrible thing, seeing you working in a place as bad as this."


"Yeah," Moe said with a smirk. "But at least I don't eat here."

[worldangel]

Joke: Future plans

Nine-year-old Derick's parents were chatting with him regarding his future plans. Derick said he would like to go to Harvard just like his parents and other family members had done. Happy that their child was being sensible about his future, they pressed on.

"And what would you like to take when you attend college?" they asked Derick.

Pondering over it for some time, and glancing around the living room, he replied, "The TV, if you don't mind me taking it."

[worldangel]

 

Joke: A trip to the movies...

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.

After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. As he handed the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I went to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself this evening. We have sound now."

[worldangel]

Joke: A widower who never paid any ...

A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance.

 

A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. "Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?" "Yes, my husband." "Are you happy?" "Yes, my husband." "Happier than you were with me?" "Yes, my husband."

 

"Then Heaven must be an amazing place!" "I'm not in Heaven, dear."

Edited May 15, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Sister on the Highway

A cop pulls over a car full of nuns. The cop says, “Sister, the speed limit on this highway is 55 mph. Why are you going so slow?”

Sister replies, “I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55.”
The copy says, “Sister, that’s the name of the highway, not the speed limit.”

“Silly me,” the embarrassed nun says. “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be more careful.”
But then the copy glances in the back seat where the other nuns are quaking with fear. He asks, “Excuse me, Sister, what’s wrong with your friends?”

Sister says, “Oh, we just got off Highway 101.”

[worldangel]

Joke: Polishing Apples

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. 
The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel." 

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents." 

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

[worldangel]

Joke: Long winded...

A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours. Finally, he realized what he had done and said, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."

A voice from the back of the room replied, "There's a calendar behind you..."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A lawyer died and arrived at the...

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.

 

Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

 

Edited May 15, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: One morning the phone rang at ...

One morning the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in Jeff's house. He picked up the phone and a woman asked, "Is this 555-1111?"

"No, this is 555-1112." Jeff replied.

"Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you." The woman said.

"That's alright," Jeff said. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."

 

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Consultation fees

A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.

[worldangel]

Joke: Behind the wheel...

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the driver, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn, and yelled, PULLOVER!"

"NO," the woman yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Honey Pie

After a nice dinner the two couples got up from the table. The ladies went into the kitchen and the men went into the family room.

One of the gents said to the other, "I think it is so wonderful how you call your wife, "honey pie" and "sweet pea", and "sugar" all the time.

The other gent said, "Well to tell you the truth, four years ago, I forget her name."

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: The workshop

Tina was gossiping with her friend Sara.

Tina : Can you tell the Secret for a successful marriage?

Sara: You tell.

Tina: It's "The Work-Shop". The husband works while the wife shops!

[worldangel]

Joke: Two-bit Whore

A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. The side of his face is bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "What in the world happened to you, buddy?"

The guy says "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore."

"Yeah," says the bartender. "What did she do?"

"She hit me with her bag of quarters!"
 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Chalk One Up For The Grandparents!

An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.

Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.

"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Passover and paying their own airfares."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Bride and Broom

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."

The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Worm talk

The first worm says, "What kind of day is it?"
The other worm says, "You know, I don't know, but I was thinking of going up and checking it out."

The first worm says, "That's a good idea. Why don't you do that."

So the second worm starts on his way up through the dirt.

At the same time, two lady golfers are walking along the fairway.

The first one says, "Jeez, I gotta wiz."

Her friend says, "Well, it's very early. There's nobody else here on the course."

"Do it right here. Nobody will know."

The first lady says, "You think so? Right here?"

Her friend says, "Yeah."

And she agrees to do it, because it helps the joke.

She pulls down her skivvies, and lifts up her little golf dress and she squats.

She's just about to commence when the worm pokes his head up out of the grass right below her. She lets fly and he gets drenched.

He's dripping wet as he goes back down through the dirt. He goes up to the first worm, and he's soaking wet.

The first worm looks at him and says, "Oh, it's raining, huh?"

The second worm says, "Not only is it raining, but it's raining so hard the damm birds are building their nests upside-down!"

[worldangel]

Joke: TWO tigers are walking through...

TWO tigers are walking through the jungle when the one at the back licks the behind of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says: "Hey, cut it out." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way. Five minutes later the rear tiger licks the other's backside again. The front tiger gets angry, but the other tiger just apologizes.

After another five minutes, he does it again. The front tiger turns and says: "What is it with you? I told you to stop." The other tiger says: "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

[worldangel]

Joke: Working in The Garden

 

A prisoner in jail received a letter from his wife: "I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" 

 

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold." 

 

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: 
"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden." 
The prisoner wrote another letter:

 

"Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"

 

 

 

Edited May 16, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: A woman is walking on the road...

A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, "Don't take a step further." She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been.

 

She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. "Don't take a step further." She stops and a car skids past. Then suddenly she hears the voice saying "I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?"

 

Yes! Shouts the woman, "Just where were you on my wedding day!"

 

 

 

Edited May 16, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

Joke: A man walks into a bar and say...

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye." The bartender says, "Yeah, right! I've never seen anyone do that!" So the man takes out his glass eye and bites it.

The angry bartender pays the man his fifty dollars and the man walks away. He comes back half an hour later and says, "I bet you fifty dollars I can bite my left eye." Now the bartender becomes really skeptical. She says, "I just saw you walk in here -- you can't be blind!" So he takes out his fake teeth and bites his left eye. The bartender pays him his money and he walks away.

[worldangel]

Joke: Animal Orgasms

A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looks up from the page and says to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"

She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah? Why don't you prove it."

He frowns for a moment, then says, "Okay."

He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.

About a half an hour later, he returns all tired and sweaty and proclaims, "Well I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig's always squealing, how can you tell?"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Do You Shake It?

A bunch of guys were sitting around the break room talking about sex and women and in comes Joe Schmo. One guy says to the other guys, "Man I just don’t understand it. That guy Joe is just an average ordinary looking guy who doesn’t have a lot of money and he gets all the women he wants with the snap of his fingers. What the hell does he got that I haven't got?” 

This other guy, who is an old timer and has been around awhile, looks at the guy and says, "Son let me ask you a question. When you go to the bathroom and you get done whizzing, do you shake your penis with your hand to get off the excess urine?" 

The other guy is kind of puzzled but he says, "Well yeah, of course I do. But what does that have to do with Joe getting all the women?" 

The old timer looks him in the eye and says, "Well son, Ol' Joe over there when he gets done taking a piss, he doesn't shake it, he kicks it!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Lady, What Do I Look Like?

A woman walks into a drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Sir, do you have cotton balls?" 

Pharmacist replies, "Lady, do I look like a teddy bear to you?"

 

[worldangel]

 J

oke: If This Leaks Out, I'll Be Ruined

An executive is making love to his assistant in his office. When they finish, she gets out of the couch stark naked and start to jumping up and down. 

Her boss says, “What are you doing? Somebody might see you through that window. If this leaks out, I’ll be ruined.” 

She keeps jumping up and down. “If it doesn’t leak out,” she says, “I could be ruined!”

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: It Worked on the Other Side

One night, a man and his wife were watching TV. It was about breast implants. The wife said, ”I wish I had bigger breast.” 

The man said, ”You don’t have to get silicone breasts, just wipe between your breast with toilet paper.” 

"How would that work?" asked the wife. 

The man said, "Well, you have been wiping your butt for 50 years and it's gotten bigger."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Mating Season

A man was at a zoo and noticed one of the Orangutans dressing up and combing his hair. The man asked the Orangutan, “Why are you getting all dressed up?” 

The Orangutan answered, “Mating season starts today.” 

“Orangutans have a mating season?” 

“Don't Humans have a mating season?” 

The lonely man responded, “Is anytime I can get it a season?”

[worldangel]

Joke: Wedding Night Gift

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals, a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist, were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night. 

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two. The electrician decided to wire the bed, with alternating current of course. The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable. 

The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note: DEAR FRIENDS, WE DIDN'T MIND THE BED SLATS BEING SAWED. THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY A MINOR SETBACK. BUT I SWEAR, I'M GOING TO KILL WHOEVER PUT NOVOCAIN IN THE K-Y JELLY!"

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Tetanus Shot

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. 
His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?" 
He replies, "I'm going to the doctor." 

She says, "Why, are you sick?" 
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff." 
Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat. 
He says, "Where the hell are you going"? 

She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too." 
He says, "Why, what do you need?"

She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."

[worldangel]

Joke: A man phones home from his office...

A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." 

The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off.
A week later, the man returns and his wife asks, "Did you have a good trip, dear?"

The man replies, "Yep, the fishing was great...but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't...I put them in your tackle box.

[worldangel]

Joke: A school teacher injured his back...

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.

 

On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work.

 

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.

 

 

Edited May 17, 2016 by worldangel

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Student exams...

Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead.

Their biggest exam was on Wednesday and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor told them that they could have another day to study.

That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything. Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam.

Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the first question. "For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom."

At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued.

"For 95 points, tell me which tire it was."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Efficiency Expert

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.

"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"

"Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked.

"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
 

[worldangel]

 

Lesbian Joke: Dating

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. 

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. 

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. 

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying: 
"Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Pull Over

Sara was driving home from work when she noticed a Policeman following her.

"Pull over!" the cop announced.

Sara pulled over and rolled down the window as the officer approached her.

"You were exceeding the speed limit, Ma'am," the police officer said. "You are also not wearing your seat belt. I'm going to have to write you a ticket." He then wrote her $25.00 ticket.

Back home, Sara was wondering how she was going to explain this to her husband who would no doubt notice the fee in their checkbook. Suddenly she had a bright idea.

Opening the checkbook register, she made the following entry: One Pullover, $25.00.

[worldangel]

Joke: Being Alone

A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone.

One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" the man shouted "NO why don¡¯t you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain.

One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said,

"What did you do that for?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Huge wife

Dave said to his friend Peter, "My wife is so huge, she was relaxing on the beach when the coastguard asked her to move because the tide was waiting to come in."

Peter, not to be left behind, replied, "You got to hear about my wife then. She is so big, she was sitting on the beach the other day when Greenpeace tried to refloat her."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Whisper...

A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."

The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. From now on when you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to whisper'."

The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his Father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."

The Father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: This duck walks into a convenience ...

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?"
The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes!

I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!" The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?"

The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Lost credit card

A man says to his friend: "My wife's credit card got stolen last week."

"That's a shame," says the friend: "have you told the police?"

"No way," says the man: "the thief is spending less than she did!"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Nickels and Dimes

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel.

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"

Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

[worldangel]

Joke: A Kind Lawyer

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, come along with me then," instructed the lawyer.

"But, sir, I have a wife and two children!"

"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, "Come with us."

"But sir, I have a wife and six children!" the second man answered.

"Bring them as well!" answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo.

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is almost a foot tall."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: My Inspiration

A lot of people are wearing t-shirts with pictures of people that inspire them to do stuff.

I wear a picture of my son ‘cause no one inspires me to work harder than my son.

 

It’s also a constant reminder to wear a condom.


 

 

Edited May 19, 2016 by worldangel