Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Jay went to a psychiatrist ...

Jay went to a psychiatrist. “Doc, he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed; I think there’s somebody on top of it.

Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!”
“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink.
“Come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you.”

“How much do you charge?”
“A hundred dollars per visit.”
“I’ll think about it.”

Jay never went back. Sometime later he met the doctor on the street.
“Why didn’t you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist.
“For a hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars.”
“Is that so! How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Healthy breakfast

Our young son made up his mind one day that he needed to eat healthier breakfasts, so he chose oatmeal as his cereal of choice.

But after eating his first bowl, he told his mother, "I hope I develop a taste for this stuff. It goes down real rough."

"Well," his mother asked, "Just how long did you cook it?"

"Are you supposed to cook it?" he asked.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: For chocolate lovers...

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

An icebox of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer...But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A. Because no one wants to quit.

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The Answer

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke.

The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Don't step on the ducks

Three men die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first man accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says: "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this woman."

The next day, the second man steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first man.

The third man has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps.

He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the hottest woman he has ever laid eyes on.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy man says: "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'

The hot girl says: "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."



 

[worldangel]

Joke: During a dinner party, the hosts...

During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dinning room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept he conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.

After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, “You see, it is vanishing cream!”


 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Airlines humour

From an Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this aircraft..."

From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight."

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: To soon to tell?

The morning after their honeymoon night, the wife says to her husband, "you know, You're really a lousy lover!"

The husband replies, "How would you know after only 30 seconds?"

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Money gram

Once there was this guy from Texas who took a vacation to Los Angeles. While there, he met up with a hooker. He got down & dirty with her.

Afterwards, the hooker said: "$100 dollars."

The guy said: "No, here is $200."

Hooker responded: "You're so kind."

Some days pass, and the guy met up with the same hooker again and had sex again.

Hooker asked for $100, but the guy again says: "No, here's $200."

Hooker says: "You're so kind."

More days pass, and the guy met up with the hooker one last time to have sex.

Hooker says: "$100, please."

The guy slaps her and hands her $200.

Hooker says: "Man, you're so kind. Where are you from?"

Guy says: "I'm from Texas."

The hooker says: "I am from there too."

The guy says: "I know, your mom sent me to give you $600."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A male frog went to a psychic....

A male frog went to a psychic. 

The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." 

The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" 

"No," says the psychic, "in her biology class." 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: I forgot!

"I want to divorce my husband because he has a lousy memory!"

"Why would you want to divorce him for that?"

"Every time he gets around a young woman, he keeps forgetting that he's married!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Jammed window

George rushed to the hotel manager's cabin and shouted, “Help me, my wife is trying to jump from the fifth floor.”
The Manager replies: “It is your personal problem, sir. What can I do in this matter?”

George bursts out, “Right, but the window is jammed!"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Okay, so a Texas rancher comes...

Okay, so a Texas rancher comes upon a farmer from Maine. 

The Texan looks at the Mainer and asks, "Say, how much land you think you got here?" 

Mainer: "Bout 10 acres I'd say." 

Texan (boasting): "Well, on my lot, it takes me all day to drive completely around my property!" 

Mainer: "Yep, I got one of them trucks too." 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A man who's wife was pregnant ...

A man who's wife was pregnant couldn't bear to be in the delivery room at the time of the birth.

So he thought he'd ring up later to see if it had come yet.
He rang up and the nurse said "it's a girl but there’s another one on the way"

He rang again later and the nurse said "it's another girl but there's another coming"

He rang once more and the nurse said " it's a boy but there's another coming"
He couldn't stand it anymore so he went to the pub and got drunk.

An hour later he was really nervous. He was dialling the hospital, hands shaking, and accidently dialled the sports line. he asked " how many did we get mate" the person said "198 all out.... and the last one was a duck"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Mom, how much do you weigh?

There was this little boy. He wanted to know more about his mom so he asked her,' Mom, how much do you weigh?'

His mom answered, 'Don't ask me or any other woman that question.'

He left, then came back again. He asked, 'How old are you?'

She answered yet again, 'Don't ever ask me or any other woman that question.'

He finally asked a pretty subtle question. He asked,' Mother how tall are you?' She told him to get her driver's license.

He came running back asking, 'Mom was the reason you got a divorce, was because you have an 'F' in sex?'
 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Married couples, both 60 years...

Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world.

The fairy waved her wand and poof -- the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy picked up her wand and poof -- the husband was 90.
 

 

 

[worldangel]

the 19,000th post

Joke: Do You Sell Dildoes

A little old lady with blue hair entered the marital aids shop and asked in a quavering voice, "Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell d-dildoes h-here?"
The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady's appearance in his shop, answered, "Uh, yes, Ma'am. We do."

The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked, "D-do y-you ha-aave an-ny ab-bb-bout th-this lon-ong?"

"Well, yes Ma'am, we do. We have several that size." Forming a 5" circle with her fingers, she then asked, "A-are an-nny of t-them about thi-is b-big ar-round-d?"

"Well... Yes ma'am a few of them are about that big."

"D-do aa-ny of th-them ha-ave a v-v-vibra-a-ator?"

"Yes, Ma'am, one of them does."

"W-Wel-ll, h-how d-do yo-ou t-turn it off?"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Do you know where you were going?

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Math Teacher

The night before one exam, two students tied one on, (well, actually, tied two on, one each), and managed to sleep through the final. They realized they were in serious trouble, so they agreed to tell the professor that they had a flat tyre on the way to the exam. 

“No problem." said the Professor, “Come by my office at 5 P.M. and I'll give you the exam then." 

Feeling pretty clever, the students spent the intervening time getting information on the exam from students who had already taken it, and making sure they knew how to do the problems. Coming to the professor's office that evening, they were told, “Leave your books in my office, and I'll put you in two separate rooms for the exam."

They were both ecstatic to see that the Professor had given them the exact same exam taken by the class that morning. However, there was an additional page tacked on the end, upon which was written, “For 50% of the grade, which tyre was flat?"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Does love happen?

Q: Does love just happen or you have to make it happen?

A: If a girl is good looking and going on a bicycle, it just happens. If, on the other hand, she is not beautiful but is driving an expensive luxury car, you have to make it happen.
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A small boy is sent to bed by ...

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:"Da..aaad"
"What"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Daa....aaad..."
"WHAT!?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?"
I told you NO! Ifyou ask again I'll have to spank you!"

Five minutes later.."Daaaa....aaaad!"
"When you come up to spank me can you bring a drink of water?"
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Good news and bad news...

A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.

HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today."

HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear."

HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news."

HER "Well, the air bag works."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Second Opinion

This guy was climbing a tree when suddenly he slipped. He grabbed at a branch and was hanging in mid-air. After an hour, he felt himself getting exhausted and looked up to the heavens and cried out: "Heaven, help me! Please, help me!"

All of a sudden the clouds parted and a voice boomed out from on high. "Let Go!" said the voice.

The guy paused, looked up at heaven once more, and said: "Is there anyone else up there?"

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Eating grass

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he noticed two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, come along with me then," the man from the limousine said excitedly.

"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"

"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man.

"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.

"Bring them as well!"

So they all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a vehicle as large as the limousine. One of the poor fellows expressed his gratitude: "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The rich man replied: "No, thank you... the grass at my place is about three feet tall and I could use the help!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Outrun

Two employees for the gas company were at a house call. The younger man said to the older one, "Geez, you're old!"
"Yeah, that may be so, but I can still outrun you," replied the older employee.

"How about a foot race to see if you're right," said the younger employee.

With that they start running at full speed around that block. The older man kept up with the younger man around the first corner, the second corner, the third corner. As they come up on the last corner, the younger man sees an elderly woman running as fast as her legs could carry her. Puzzled by this, they both stop ask her why she was running behind them.

The old woman caught her breath and said, "Well, you were at my home checking my gas meter, and when I saw you running away, I figured I'd better run too!"

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Instructions amiss

A man was having marital problems. So he went to his shrink. The shrink says, "When you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make mad passionate love to her."

In two weeks he was back in the shrink's office.

The shrink asked "How did it go?"

He said, "She didn't have anything to say, but her bridge club got a kick out of it."
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Wrong trial

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.

"Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted $5,000 to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't heard the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted $5,000 to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said: "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said: "I thought he was talking to you."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A wife went to the police station...

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbour to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

The next-door neighbour protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A married friend told me, he is ...

A married friend told me, he is working on Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics under constrained environment.... 

I was impressed... 

On further probing, I learnt that he is washing dishes with hot water ... 
Under his wife's supervision...!!

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A very drunk gent checked into...

A very drunk gent checked into a hotel late one Saturday night. He awoke very ill and summoned a bellboy to fetch him a bottle of whiskey and a Sunday newspaper. The bellhop was gone a long time. 

When he returned, the drunk remarked, "It must be hard to buy a bottle in this town on Sunday." 

"There was no trouble with the whiskey," replied the bellboy, "but it's tough finding a Sunday paper on Tuesday."

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Steadman

Two men were standing at adjacent urinals when one said to the other, "I'll bet you were born in Newark, Ohio."
"Why, that's right!" said the second man in surprise.

"And I'll bet you were circumcised when you were three days old."

"Right again. But how'd you....."

"And I'll bet it was done by old Doc Steadman."

"Well, yes, but how did you know?" asked the second man in amazement.

"Well, old Doc always cut them at a sixty-degree angle," explained the first guy, "and you're pissing on my shoe."
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A married couple is driving down ..

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.
She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you."

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.
She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph.
She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." 

The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"
The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need right here."
She asks, "What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!"


 

[worldangel]

Joke: Expert Advice

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Feeling Hysterical

As the horror movie was about to reach its terrifying conclusion, the young woman began fidgeting in her seat. 

The man sitting behind her leaned forward and inquired quietly, “Feeling hysterical?” 

“No,” she whispered, pointing to her boyfriend. “He’s feeling mine.”

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: I'm Sorry She's Gone

A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men at the bar asked him what happened. “I did a horrible thing,” sniffled the drunk. “Just a few hours ago I sold my wife to someone for a bottle of scotch.” 

“That is awful,” said the other guy. “And now she’s gone and you want her back, right?” 

“Right,” said the drunk, still crying. 

“You’re sorry you sold her because you realized too late that you love her, right?” 

“Oh, no,” said the drunk, “I want her back because I’m thirsty again!”

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Does love happen?

Q: Does love just happen or you have to make it happen?

A: If a girl is good looking and going on a bicycle, it just happens. If, on the other hand, she is not beautiful but is driving an expensive luxury car, you have to make it happen.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A farmer has three sons. One day...

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating from school and would really like to get a car. His father says, "Son, come with me." He takes him to the barn and points to the farm tractor and says, "That tractor is needed here on the farm and I promise that as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you a car."

The boy was not too happy but he did understand that situation and said, "Okay, Dad." A week later, his second son (10 years old) approaches him wanting a new two-wheel bicycle. Well, he gets the same excuse ... "as soon as that tractor is paid for..."
Shortly, a few days later, son no. 3, his youngest, comes bugging him for a tricycle. Again, 'ol Dad gives him the lecture about the tractor being paid for first.

While leaving the barn, the young boy, more than a little disgusted with the whole thing, sees a rooster mating with one of the hens and promptly goes over and kicks the rooster off the hens back, mumbling to himself the whole time. 

His dad says, "Son, why on earth would you do something like that? He didn't do anything to you to deserve that!" 
The little boy looks Dad right square in the eye and says, "Hey, nobody rides anything around here until that damn tractor is paid for.
 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: A man was walking in the street...

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" 

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. 

"Oh yeah?" the man asked... "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Got gas?

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see. Here's a prescription. Take these pills 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts ... although still silent... stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's start working on your hearing."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: After making love, the woman said...

After making love, the woman said the man, "So, you're a doctor?" 

"That's right," replied the doctor smugly. "Betcha don't know what kind of doctor." 
"Ummm...I'd say that you're an anaesthetician." 

"Yep, that's right! Good guess! How did you know?" asked the guy. 
"Because throughout the entire procedure, I didn't feel a thing.
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Small mouse

A young elephant and young mouse came across each other for the first time:

Mouse: "What are you?"
Elephant: " I'm an elephant"
Mouse: "Aren't you big"
Elephant: " Yes. What are you?

Mouse: " I'm a mouse"
Elephant: " Aren't you small?"
Mouse: " I, I, I've not been well"
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Telephone Accident

The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.

"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" inquired the officer.
"Mister," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole!"
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Circle of flies....

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

The farmer said, 'Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?' The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, 'Well yeah, if that's what they are, but I never heard of circle flies.'

So the farmer says, 'Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.'

The trooper says, 'Oh,' and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, 'Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?'

The farmer says, 'Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass.'

The trooper says, 'Well, that's a good thing,' and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer says, 'Hard to fool them flies though...'
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A sad-faced Dough walked into a...

A sad-faced Doug walked into a flower shop early one morning.

The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Dough's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Dough asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary.

"And what day will that be?" the clerk asked.
Glumly he replied, "Yesterday".


 

[worldangel]

 Joke: A juggler, driving to his next...

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
“What are those knives doing in your car? Asked the officer.
“I use them in my juggling act,” says the juggler.

“Oh yeah?” “Let’s see you do it.” Says the policeman.
So the man starts tossing and juggling the knives.

A guy driving by sees this and says, “Wow, am I glad I stopped Drinking. Look at the test they’re making you do now!” 
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Book a judge

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.

He stopped the car and asked, "Why, John, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"

"That it is," John replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball."

"You mean you pinched his honour?" asked Pat.

"How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded John.

"Well," mused Pat, "In this life there's always a lesson somewhere."

"That there is," replied John.

"It is wise never to book a judge by his cover."

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: So one day, Gramma sent her grandson...

So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. 

"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" 

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!" 
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Two girls in movie

Two girls are sitting in a movie-theater.
"That man beside me is fumbling his crotch", one whispers to the other.

"Just ignore it", is the answer.

"Easy for you to say. He's using my hand!".
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Absolutely naked woman enters ...

Absolutely naked woman enters the pub. Barman looks at her very attentively.

Woman: Hey, what's up? Haven't you ever seen naked woman?

Barman: Well, yes I have... I'm only interested - where will you take your cash from?

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: A blonde was driving down the ...

A blonde was driving down the road and she looks up and she sees a tree so she swerves to the left.

The tree is still in front of her so she swerves to the right, this time her car rolls into the ditch.

When the Police Officer came to the scene of the accident the blonde told the Police Officer about the tree that was in front of her. The officer kindly explained that the tree was the green air freshener hanging off her rear view mirror.