Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

 Joke: Ten Minutes of Grace

On the morning of his execution the chaplain visited the prisoner. “They are going to allow you ten minutes of grace," he said. 

The prisoner shrugged. “That isn’t very long, but what the hell… send her in!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Available Over the Counter

There were two men standing at the medicine isle in the supermarket. The first man said, "Viagra is the greatest drug in the world it has helped my love life and I feel much better about myself." 

The second man replied, "Wow, it helped you that much! Can you get it over the counter?" 

The first man said, "If I take two."

[worldangel]

Joke: Where Is Her Heart

A ninety-year-old woman decides that she’s seen and done everything, and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she comes to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method is to shoot herself through the heart. 

The trouble is she isn’t certain about exactly where her heart is, so she phones her doctor and asks him. He tells her that her heart is located two inches above her left nipple. 

So she shoots herself in the left kneecap.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: That's Too Many Words

A woman who never married, specified in her will that her tombstone say, “Born a virgin, lived a virgin, died a virgin.” 

That was too many words to put on the stone so they just wrote, “Returned unopened.”

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Let Me See Them

An elderly man visits his doctor. “Doctor, I would like you to examine me to see if I am sexually fit.” 

“Very well, let me see your sex organs, please.” 

The aged patient replied, "okay," and stuck out his index finger and his tongue.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The loan

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls-Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.40. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is: why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A brunette who really hated blondes ...

A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars.

'Every blonde in the world will get two million.' The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man.

'Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.'

The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. 'Now for your third wish.' said the genie.

'See that stick over there?', asked the brunette, 'I want you to beat me half to death with it.'

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Gas Station Fill-up

There was this gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase it's sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."
Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time".

Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time".

As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't give away free sex". The buddy replied, "No, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Why Men Wear Earrings

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. 
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." 

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." 
"Don't make such a big deal out of this, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly. 

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?" 
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Two rather old retired racehorses ...

Two rather old retired racehorses are in a bar getting totally drunk. After about two hours the first racehorse says "You know.... when I was a young racehorse...from one hundred starts, I won (hic) 90 races, got 5 seconds and 5 thirds.... I am without doubt the greatest racehorse that ever lived....blah blah blah..."

In response to this and approximately a half an hour later the second racehorse responded, "Oh yeah...when I was a young racehorse...from one hundred starts, I won (hic) 95 races, got 2 seconds and 3 thirds.... I am the greatest racehorse that ever lived.... blah blah blah..."

Now it was about this time that the bartender (a greyhound) decided that they were drunk enough so he said, "I am sick of you two telling one another how great you are, you are both drunk and I am throwing you out of the bar, but before I do I want to let you know that when I was a young greyhound, from one hundred starts, I won 100 races, no seconds and no thirds."

The two racehorses were shocked and for 5 minutes sat with their mouths open until the fist racehorse finally said, "Isn't that amazing (hic)...a talking greyhound!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A blonde was hard up for money...

A blonde was hard up for money, so she walked around her neighborhood, trying to find a job. 

She met a nice man who said he would give her work. All she had to do was paint his porch white. He gave her a bucket of paint and left.

He walked into his house, laughing. He told his brunette wife what he had done. "Frank, our porch covers half of the house! You're so mean." his wife replied. Three hours later, the blonde went in the house, and gave the bucket of white paint back to the man.

The astonished man handed her a $100 bill, and asked how she finished it so quickly.
"It takes time, but it was easy." was her reply. "Oh, and it's a Ferrari, not a Porsche."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Psychiatrist Phone

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, don't press anything.
If you are anal retentive, please hold. 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Police officer pulled this ...

Police officer pulled this guy over for speeding and told him that his eyes were bloodshot, and asked him if he'd been drinking.

The guy said "Your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Be My Valentine 

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Grandma's Revenge

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" 

Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Honey, has anyone ever told you....

After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?"

The flattered husband said, "No, dear they haven't."

The wife yells, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?"

 

[worldangel]

 

Joke: Fighting fit

Two childhood friends were preparing themselves for physicals for induction in the US army. Both of them were unwilling to join the army but were helpless because of stringent US laws. Somebody suggested that if one didn't have any teeth, they were rejected. They decided to give it a shot and got all their teeth removed.

There was a line of young aspirants when they arrived at the recruitment center. They both felt it would be unwise to stand in the queue next to each other. So one stood in the line and the other waited for the line to extend a bit when a bulky, young unwashed boy took the line. The other decided to stand next to the bulky boy.

When the first boy's turn came, the doctor asked if he had anything to say regarding his health. The boy said he did not have any teeth. The doctor ordered the boy to open his mouth, ran his fingers around the kid's gum and asked him to stand in the rejection queue.

The line progressed and ultimately it was the bulky boy's turn. The doctor asked him: “Anything wrong with you?” The boy replied: “I have piles.”

The doctor asked the boy to undress. He then made the boy bend and spread. He inserted his finger inside, moved it around for a while as if to make sure, pulled back his finger and declared that the boy indeed had piles and announced him unfit.

The doctor declared "Next"

When the second toothless boy stepped up to the doctor, he was asked if he had anything to declare.

The boy shouted: “No sir, not a damn thing wrong with me. Give me that rifle and march me to the border.”

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Jimmy and Johnny

Two guys, Jimmy and Johnny, were standing at heaven's gate, waiting to be interviewed by St. Peter.

Jimmy: "How did you get here?"

Johnny: "Hypothermia. You?"

Jimmy: "You won't believe it. I was sure my wife was cheating on me, so I came home early one day hoping to find the guy. I accused my wife of unfaithfulness and searched the whole house without any luck. Then I felt so badly about the whole thing I had a massive heart attack."

Johnny: "Oh, man, if you had checked the walk-in freezer we'd both be alive!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Grab your clothes...

This woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!"

The boyfriend looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there!" She said, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!

When he landed outside he was in the middle of a "running Marathon" so he started running along beside the others only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.

One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?" He answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, It feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."

The other runner then asked the nude man, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?" The nude man answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

The runner then asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" The nuddy answered, "Only if it's raining."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Marriage counseling

A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife: "What's the problem?"

She responds: "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."

The counselor turns to her husband and inquires: "Is that true?"

The husband replies: "Well, not exactly. She's the one that suffers, not me."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The Single Guy...

Man walks into a supermarket and buys :

1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner

The girl at the checkout looks at him and says "Single are you?" The man replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?" She replies "because you're ugly."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Blonde State of Mind

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals.

She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend said, "O.K. then, what's the capital of France?"

The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Why are you late?

Teacher: Why are you late? 

Student: Because, of the sign! 

Teacher: What sign? 

Student: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: There was a competition to cross ...

There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.
Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: A wife woke in the middle of the ...

A wife woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement.

After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up in the corner, of the basement,... crying like a baby.

"Honey, what's wrong?", she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant and your father threatened me to either marry you or to go to jail?" 

"Yes, of course," she replied. 
"Well, I would have been released from jail this afternoon!"

[worldangel]

 Joke: What Their Daddy's Do

A third grade teacher asked her students to, one by one, stand in front of the class and tell what their Daddy's do.
Little Mary went first, “My daddy is a doctor and he saves people's lives”

“That's wonderful Mary. Now how about you Jane, what does your daddy do?”

“My daddy is a lawyer and he puts bad people in jail,” says Jane

“Very good Jane. Ok Johnny, what does your daddy do?”

“My daddy is dead” says Johnny

“Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that Johnny,” said the teacher, “what did he do before he died?”

“He turned blue and shit on the carpet”
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Marriage counseling

A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife: "What's the problem?"

She responds: "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."

The counselor turns to her husband and inquires: "Is that true?"

The husband replies: "Well, not exactly. She's the one that suffers, not me."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Ever go fishing?

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.

"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: There was a blonde driving ...

There was a blonde driving in her car on the highway.

She crashed into the car in front of her and a cop came over to her and said mam what is wrong?

She said officer no matter where i turn there is a tree if i turn left, right, there is a tree.

The officer leaned over and said mam that is your air freshener.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: How Many Women?

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" 

"Sixteen," the boy responded. 
His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" 
"Easy," the little boy said. 

"All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A rooster was strutting around...

A rooster was strutting around the henhouse one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow.

 

The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The Gift

Upon getting to work one morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is reminded by his secretary that it's his wife's birthday today. At lunch, Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for her.

Unfortunately, he realizes that life has been good and she has everything she needs. Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young.

Marvin goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has. Marvin takes the gift and excitedly runs home to his wife.

Upon finding her in the kitchen he tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He'll wait in the kitchen. His wife thanks him and goes up to the bedroom.

Once the package is opened she realizes that this is something she has never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination. She thinks for a moment and then decides that she'll really surprise Marvin and go downstairs without any clothes on at all. So she leaves the negligee on the bed and starts down the stairs stark naked. She calls out, 'Marvin, come out to the hallway and look.'

Marvin walks out to the staircase, looks up at his wife, and exclaims, 'All that money and they didn't even iron it.'

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: An old man goes to the Wizard ...

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. 

The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'".
 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Hey Fella

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. He argues back and forth with the bartender, who refuses to serve him. Finally, the bartender challenges him to get on the floor and do twenty push-ups to prove he is sober. 

As he is doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers in. He surveys the scene for a minute, pokes the guy in the ribs with his shoe, and says, “Hey fella, I think your girlfriend has gone home.”

 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Getting Married

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends… 

You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Time to Make the Donuts

An old lady walks in a dinner and seats where she can see the cook, and asks the waiter for a hamburger. He says, "Ok, hamburger." 

The old lady sees the cook stick the hamburger meat under his arm and slaps it on the grill. The old lady says, "Oh my God that is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen!" 

The waiter says, “That’s nothing, you should see how he makes donuts."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: An Hour of Pleasure

The Principal of an exclusive girls’ school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. “We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation, ask yourselves just one question... Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?” 

A girl in the back of the class raises her hand and says, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?”

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: What the Hell's Going On?

One day two friends, Derek and Chris, were drinking and driving and flew over a curve and both of them died. Derek went to heaven and Chris went to hell. 

Well, Derek has seen all of heaven and wants to see his buddy Chris in hell. So Derek asks the Heaven if he can go to hell and check on his buddy Chris. The Heaven says that would be alright so Derek goes down to hell and finds Chris. 

To his amazement Chris isn't being tortured but has a beautiful girl on his lap and a beer in his hand. Derek, furious, doesn't even talk to his friend and instead he heads straight to heaven and asks the Heaven, "How come Chris has this beautiful woman and cold beer to drink and I haven't got any of that?" 

"Well," the Heaven says, "the beer has got a hole in it and the woman doesn't!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Who Needs Two? 

"Doctor, that rectal exam hurt like hell. What did you do?" 

"I used two fingers." 

"What for?" 

"I needed a second opinion."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The Postman

Three women are talking about their sex lives. One says, “I call my husband ‘The dentist’ because nobody can drill like he does.” 

The next says, “Well, I call my husband ‘The Miner’ because he has an incredible shaft.” 

The third sighs and says, “I call mine ‘The Postman’." 

“Why the ‘Postman’?" asks one of them. 

“Because he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box!”

 

[worldangel]

Joke: What's the Nail For?

A farmer is giving his wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores. “A guy will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I’ve hung a nail by the right stall so you’ll know which one I want him to impregnate." 

Satisfied that his wife had the instructions clear, the farmer leaves for town. That afternoon, the inseminator arrives and the wife dutifully takes him out to the barn and directly to the stall with the nail. “This is the cow right here,” she tells him. “What’s the nail for?” 

“I guess it’s to hang up your pants.”

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A businessman boarded a flight ...

A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman...... They exchange brief hellos and he noticed she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replied, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics.

It identifies that the indengenious people have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you.

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: A woman was waiting in the check-out...

A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her hard glances and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in hurry and not a happy camper about the slowness of the line. 

When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!" 

"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With a good tail wind and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time." 

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Speech disorder

Jeremy, a stud farm owner, is visited by a strange customer. It's a pygmy with a speech disorder who says he wants to buy a horse.

Jeremy asks the pygmy if he wants a male or female horse.

"A female horth," the pygmy replies.

So Jeremy shows him a female one.

"Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouth?"

So Jeremy picks up the pygmy and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nith mouth. Can I thee her eyesth?"

So Jeremy picks up the pygmy and shows the eyes.

"Ok, what about her earth?"

Now Jeremy is getting really irritated, but he picks up the pygmy one more time and shows the ears.

"OK, finally, I'd like to thee her twat."

With that, Jeremy picks up the pygmy and shoves his head up the horse's canal then pulls him out.

Shaking his head, the pygmy says, "Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to thee her run!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: I've Been Waiting All Day

A Police Officer Just pulled over a man for going 120mph. The police officer has had somewhat of a boring day, so he is excited about being able to a least give a ticket to some one. 

The police officer says, "I’ve been waiting for you all day long." 

The guy in the car says, "Well, I got here as quick as I could!"

 

[worldangel]

 Joke: Train ride

A young technician and his boss board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each because they are giving each other "looks." Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The boss is setting there thinking: "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking: "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother hadn't slapped him!"

The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself: "Life at work is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his boss all at the same time!”

[worldangel]

Joke: Lay you or Jack off

Two managers are going over their budget for the next year.
After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane.

They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off.

Finally, one manager decides that they lay off the first person who gets up from their desk.

In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets a headache. She gets some aspirin from her desk drawer and gets up from her desk to get some water.

One of the managers gets up to break the bad news to Jane.

Manager: "Jane, I need to talk to you. I've got a problem. I either need to lay you or Jack off..."

Jane: "Well, Jack off. I've got a headache."
 

[worldangel]

Joke: There was a blonde. She had never...

There was a blonde. She had never been horseback riding and decided to try, even though she had no prior experience. So the blonde gracefully mounted the horse. The horse started off at an easy gallop, the blonde thought she was doing quite well.

When all of a sudden she began to slip! She tried to grasp the horse’s mane but it was too slick! So she decided to jump to safety....so she jumped, but her foot was caught in the sturr up! She was at the mercy of the horse’s feet, and right before she was knocked unconcious.... the manager of wall-mart walked out and turned the horse off
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: It's wise to remember how easily ...

It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked here-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
PS. Sure is hot down here.
 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: A magician was working on a cruise ...

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick. 

Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another.

After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat ?