Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: The Doctor’s Birthday

An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed.

Eagerly the doctor removed the blindfold and looked down on the cake. He immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes!

The guests asked him why he laughed, and after some minutes of laughing and wiping his eyes, the doctor said: "I'm just thinking of my buddy who will be 50 next week, who is a gynaecologist!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Hot Mama

A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later, when the old man had an appointment with the doctor again, the doctor said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

The man replied, "Just doing what you said doctor, "Get a hot mama and be cheerful."

The doctor said, "I didn't say that! I said you have got a heart murmur. Be careful!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Extending His Stay

The middle aged man was visibly shaken when his doctor advised that he had only 6 months to live because of the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical check-up. The doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order", make sure his will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.

"What will you do for the last six months?" asked the doctor.

His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go and live with my mother-in-law."

Surprised by the answer, the doctor asked, "Of all people, why would you want to live with your mother-in-law?"

"Because it'll be the longest six months of my life!"

[clementi]

Joke: Preparation Ouch

This guy has a bad case of haemorrhoids, he decides to go see the doctor. The doctor says, "It's not too bad, you just need to put these suppositories up your ass."

The doctor then says, "I'll give you the first dose, then you can have your wife give you the second this evening."

The man replies, "Okay."

Later that evening he is talking to his wife and tells her what the doctor said, and she said she would help. She puts one hand upon his shoulder and tells him to bend over. All of the sudden the guy screams, "Oh my god!!"

"What's wrong?" his wife asked.

The man replies, "I just realized that the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders when he gave me my medicine!"

[clementi]

Joke: That’s a neat Trick

After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you except if you're willing to try an experimental treatment."

Jack asks sadly, "What is this treatment?"

"Well," the doctor explains, "What we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis."

Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it."

A few weeks after the operation, Jack was given the green light to use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city.

In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being painful. To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a roll and disappeared from view.

His girl friend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile, "That was incredible. Can you do it again?"

Jack replied with his eyes watering, "Well, I guess so, but I don't think I can fit another roll up my butt."

[worldangel]

Joke: The bright side

Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse."

To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.

On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"

"That`s awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse."

"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?"

"Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I`d be dead now!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Well hung

A man was relaxing in His back garden, sitting in the shade, sipping a beer and listening to the radio.

As he chilled out, his wife struggled with a manual mower, pushing it up and down the large lawn, sweating and red-faced.

The man`s next-door neighbour saw the woman battling with the mower and shouted across the fence, "You pathetic excuse for a man! You`re just sitting there sipping your beer while your poor wife cuts the grass. You should be bloody well hung."

"I am." the man shouts back. "That`s why she`s doing the grass."

[worldangel]

Joke: The Best Way

An elderly couple went into a doctor. They told the doctor, "We're having some trouble with our sex life. Could you watch and offer some suggestions?"

The doctor replied, "I'm not a sex therapist. You should find someone else."

The couple said, "No, no, we trust you."

After watching them have sex, the doctor said, "You don't seem to be having any troubles. I wish my sex life was as good. I can't give you any suggestions."

This was repeated the next week and also the third week. After they had finished on the third week, the doctor said, "You aren't having any trouble. Is this your idea of kinky sex?"

The man replied, "No, actually the problem is if we have sex at my house, my wife will catch us. If we have sex at her house, her husband will catch us. The motel charges us $50, and we can't afford that. You only charge $35, and Medicare pays half of that."

[worldangel]

Joke: Zachary Syndrome

Mary is a middle aged woman, she is in the middle of her sexual prime and yet she still cannot get a date. For some reason men just do not want to go out with her. The only reason she can figure is it must be some hormonal imbalance or something.

So she talks to her friends about it and she tells her of a Chinese doctor named Dr. Wong. Mary takes her friends advice and does go to see Dr. Wong.

While in the office she tells Dr. Wong her problem and he tells her to strip and bend over grabbing her ankles. So Mary does.

Dr. Wong checks her over and tells her, "You have Zachary Syndrome!"

"Oh, my god, what does that mean doctor?"

"Your ass rook Zachary like you face!"

[worldangel]

Joke: 24-Hours

One day this guy went to the doctor and said, "Doc, I really feel bad, can you do some tests?"

The doctor did some tests and said, "I'll call you when they're done and we can talk over the phone, ok?"

The guy said, "OK," and went home and did his daily routine.

One morning he woke up and the phone rang. He picked it up and it was the doctor. The doctor said, "I've got some good news and some bad news."

The guy said, "Well, what is the good news?"

The doctor said, "You have 24 hours to live."

The guy said, "Well, what's the bad news?"

The doctor said, "I forgot to call you yesterday."

[worldangel]

Joke: Virgin

Charlie marries a virgin. On their wedding night, he's on fire, so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her.

"Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table."

So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?" "Much better!" she replies with a smile.

"Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."

[worldangel]

Joke: Physical Examination

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed.

"I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."

"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."

[worldangel]

Joke: As Good as New

A man had an accident, so he was rushed to the hospital. The doctor had to perform an instant operation, due to his injuries. The man was wounded on the face and a deep scar was formed on his skin, but under his bushy beard. The doctor shaved off a part of the man's beard and then performed the surgery.

Afterwards, the doctor performed more surgery to replace the missing part of the beard, so he would look good as new. The doctor cut off some of the man's pubic hair and implanted it surgically on the man's face where the beard was missing.

The patient awakened and then after 2-3 days, he was discharged and he went back home.

After six months, the patient came to the hospital to talk to the doctor who performed his operation. The patient said, "Doc, everything is okay, but a peculiar thing has happened to me many times."

The doctor asks, "What is happening?"

The patient replies, "Whenever I scratch my beard, my penis gets erect!

[worldangel]

Joke: Hinny-Ken

Ken went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes.

When Ken sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.

When the doctor came in, Ken said, "Look Doc, this is my first exam... I know what the K-Y is for... and I know what the glove is for... but what's the BEER for?"

At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Nurse! I said 'a BUTT LIGHT'!!!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Best Offer

There once was a man with a permanent erection. Try as he might, he couldn't get it to go down. Finally he went to his doctor, who happened to be a female.

"I'd like to speak to a male doctor," he said.

The woman replied, "I'm a professional. I run this clinic with my sister, who is also a professional. Anything you can tell a man, you can tell us."

"Ok," he said. "I have a permanent erection. What can you give me for it?"

"Hmmm," she replied. "I'll go into my office and confer with my sister."

After a minute, she returned and said, "We'll give you $25,000 and half the business profits."

[worldangel]

Joke: The Facelift

An old lady walks into a plastic surgeon's office and tells him she wants a facelift.

He says, "Well, we have three models. The first is for $1000 and is guaranteed for one year, the second is $3000 and is guaranteed for 3 years, and the last is $5000 and it is guaranteed for 5 years."

The old lady says, "Well tell me about them."

The doctor says, "For $1000, you are going to get a half-ass job that you pay very little for."

She responds, "Forget that one, what about the next one?"

He explains, "For $3000, we do a much better job and pay close attention to detail, but it's only guaranteed for 3 years."

The lady says, "No, that's no good either, what about the last one?"

The doctor replies, "For $5000, you are going to get the best facelift with a feature that is on the cutting edge of plastic surgery. There will be a screw attached to the back of your head and if you notice your face sagging, just come back in and we will tighten the screw."

The lady is delighted and has the surgery. About 6 months later she comes back to the office very upset.

"Doctor, I want my money back because I look horrible. Look at these bags under my eyes!"

The doctor leans back in his chair and says, "Lady, you aren't getting anything back. Those bags under your eyes are your boobs and if you keep messing with that screw, you're going to have a beard!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Second Hand

A divorced man meets his ex-wife's new husband at a party.

Later after knocking back a few drinks, he goes over to the new guy and asks him:

'So... How do you like using second hand stuff?'

The new husband replies: 'It isn't that bad. Past the first 2 inches it's all brand new.'

[worldangel]

Joke: Dusty Underwear

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unanswered.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Hell is this??" he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. "April," he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She replied with a snicker... "It's not talcum powder...... It's Miracle Grow"..

[worldangel]

Joke: Hot in the Kitchen

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!'

My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!' Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?' She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'

[worldangel]

Joke: Friend as Guest

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

[clementi]

Joke: You must be single

A woman walks into the store and purchases the following:

1 small box of detergent

1 Bar of soap

3 individual servings of yogurt

2 oranges

1 stick of women??s deodorant.

She then goes to the check-out line.

Cashier: Oh, you must be single

Woman: You can tell that by what I bought?

Cashier: No, you`re fxxking ugly!

[clementi]

Joke: Singing Asshole

This guy wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to be a really good proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little.

Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music starts playing! "...On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again..." The guy really freaks out!

He runs and gets the M.A. and drags the poor guy back to the table. "Look!" he says, and pulls the cork out again "...On the road again..."

The M.A. is totally unimpressed..."So what?" he says.

"Isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" the guy asked.

"Are you kidding?" says the M.A. "Any asshole can sing country music!"

[clementi]

Joke: Innocence Lost

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly, she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a daddy longlegs." her father answered.

"So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of shit in our garden."

[clementi]

Joke: Macho Man

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comment?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."

[worldangel]

Joke: Maiden Name

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.

Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?

[worldangel]

Joke: Buying Condom

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.

He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"

She responds, "No Mam, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Carmen

A guy's talking to a girl in a bar.

He says, "What's your name?"

She says, "Carmen."

He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?"

She says, "No, I named myself."

He says, "Why Carmen?"

She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?"

He says, "Beerfxxk."

[worldangel]

Joke: The Dentist

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands.

The girl watches him and says, "You must be a dentist"

The guy, surprised, says "Yes ... how did you figure that out?"

The girl says, "Easy ... you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love.

After they were done, the girl says, "You must be a great dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Yes, I sure am a great dentist ..How did you figure that out?"

The girl says, "Easy ... I didn't feel a thing!"

[worldangel]

Joke: The Old Motor

The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.

The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?' the old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'

The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, 'Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?' The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.'

A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child. The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?' The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.'

The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black.

[worldangel]

Joke: Fifty Dollars

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.' Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that Helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 Years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.' To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll Make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'

[worldangel]

Joke: Cars

Three men met at a party, and it wasn't long until the conversation got around to their line of work and what kind of cars they drove.

"I'm a veterinarian," said the first fellow. "So, naturally, I drive a white 'Vet."

As they smiled and nodded, the second man said, "I own a sign company, so I drive a purple Neon."

Now the third guy was suddenly quiet until he was egged on by the other two.

"Well," he finally said, "I'm a proctologist... and I have a brown Probe."

[worldangel]

Joke: Fertilizer

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"

"Fertilizer," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.

"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."

[worldangel]

Joke: Pet

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"

She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.

[worldangel]

Joke: Getting Married

A young couple were on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make. The reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat chested.

"If you want to cancel the wedding, then I'll understand," she said. The guy remarked, "I don't mind that you're flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage anyway."

Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also had a confession to make. The reason that they have not been too intimate is because he is just like a baby below the waist. The girl remarked, "I don't mind that like a baby below the waist, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage anyway."

And so, the happy couple went on to Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes. True to her word, she is as flat as a washboard. Then, the guy took off his clothes. After one glance at his naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.

When she regained consciousness, the guy said, "I told you before we got married, so why were you so surprised?"

"You told me it was just like a baby." The guy replied, "It is! 8 pounds and 21 inches long!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Blue Balls

"I think I have a problem, Doc," says the patient, "One of my balls has turned blue."

The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes the patient will die if he doesn't have his testicle removed.

"Are you crazy?" bursts the patient, "How could I let you do such a thing to me?"

"You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, and the patient has to agree to have his testicle removed.

Two weeks after the operation, he comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue, too."

Again, the doctor tells him if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off, too and, again, the man is very reluctant to the idea.

"Hey, you want to die?" asks the doc, and the patient has to agree with the operation.

But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returns to the doctor.

"I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely blue."

After briefly examining the patient, the doc gives him the bad news: if he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, he does not want to hear about it.

"You want to die?" asks the doctor.

"But... how do I pee?"

"We'll install a plastic pipe, and there will be no problem."

So, he has his penis removed, and, a while after the operation, the unfortunate man enters, again, the doctor's office. He is very angry.

"Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue!"

"What?"

"Can you tell me what the hell is happening!?"

So, the doctor examines the patient more carefully and says, "Hmmm, I don't know, could it be the dye from your blue jeans?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Palm Reader

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future."

Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."

"That's true," said Paul.

"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"

"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?"

"Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."

[worldangel]

Joke: Kinky Sex

A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?"

The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!"

To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fxxking talking aren't you?"

[worldangel]

Joke: Drunk Sex

A man goes out on the town one evening and proceeds to get rather drunk.

After picking up a girl, they end up at his place having sex after quite a few more drinks.

Halfway through, he shouts "dam baby you have the smallest tits and tightest pussy of anyone I have ever fxxked".

She turned and looked at him and said "get off my back you drunk bastard".

[worldangel]

Joke: Suicide

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again--the strain would be too much.

The couple reluctantly tried to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he'd better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation.

This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs--she's coming downstairs, he's heading up.

"Honey, I have a confession to make," the woman says, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide."

"I'm glad to hear it, sweetie," the man says, "Because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!"

[worldangel]

Joke: A Witch

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a whore house.

When they arrived at the whorehouse, the Madame took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.

After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or groaned...how was it for you?"

The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."

The first man asked, "How's that?"

"Well," said the second man, "When I nibbled on her breast... she passed gas and flew out the window!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Elderly Problems

Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions. One seventy year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."

An eighty year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."

The ninety year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow."

"So what's your problem?" asked the others.

"I don't wake up until nine!" he replied.

[worldangel]

Joke: Condom Confusion

A foreign gentleman, just married, goes into the Chemist store and because he is so distinguished is served by the manager who asks what he requires and says he needs some condoms.

The manager efficiently ushers him to the off shelf roundabout, with every type of condom known to mankind.

The foreign customer is very interested in the coloured ribbed variety, which is strongly recommended, and orders 24 of each colour, red orange, green, blue, black, yellow and purple, pays by credit card, thanking the manager for his excellent assistance.

Some 8 months later the same foreigner appears again in the chemist and again the manager espies him and offers help once more. The foreign customer says he is looking for a maternity bra for his wife.

Again the manager ushers him to the bra roundabout with a full selection, and inquires "what bust", to which the foreigner replies "I think it was the blue one"......

[worldangel]

Gay Joke: Mum, I am Gay

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.

He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mum, I have something to tell you: I'm gay."

His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay, doesn't that mean you have oral sex with other men?"

The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mum, that's right."

His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around and WHACKED him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about the taste of my cooking again!!!!!"

[worldangel]

Gay Joke: Feminine Side

Bob, who's gay, decides to go out for a good time and ends up at a gay bar.

There he meets an attractive young man named Johnny who he talks to all evening.

When the night comes to an end Johnny invites him over to his place.

They get in Johnny's car, a pink stretch Cadillac, and proceed to leave the parking lot.

Yet Bob is quite concerned when Johnny repeatedly smashes into parked cars as they are leaving the lot.

Once they reach Johnny's place, again Johnny looks around and proceeds to smash into parked cars as he's parking his.

As they got out of the car Johnny asked, "So Bob, do you like my feminine side?"

[crazygolfer]

Joke: A Hooker’s Health

A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular checkup.

"Any specific problems you should tell me about?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours," she replied. "Do you think I might be a hemophiliac?"

"Well," the doctor answered, "hemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a hemophiliac. Tell me, how much you lose when you have your period?" the doctor inquired.

After calculating for a moment the hooker replied, "Oh, about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess."

[crazygolfer]

Joke: Experiences

Three old-timers were relating their most exciting experiences.

The first, a retired sheriff, described the terrifying excitement of a shoot-out with the Dalton gang. The others agreed it sounded pretty exciting.

The second gentleman was a retired fireman. He told about a huge fire at the university, where young coeds jumped naked from their dorm windows into his arms. The other gentlemen all agreed that sounded pretty exciting.

The third retiree began his story, "I was an undertaker. One night I got a call to pick up a body that was under a sheet in a hotel room. When I got there, the guy had a huge erection sticking straight up. I knew I couldn't take him through the lobby that way, so I found an old broom handle and hit that erection just as hard as I could." The old man paused. "You talk about excitement," he continued, "I was in the wrong damn room!"

[crazygolfer]

Joke: Learning to Speak

A man walks into a doctor’s office and puts a note on the table in front of the doctor. The note says: 'I can't talk, help me!'

The doctor thinks for a while and says to the man, "Put your dick on the table here."

The man thinks this is a bit weird but does as the doctor said anyway.

The doctor takes a rubber hammer (which is usually used to test someone's reflexes) and hits the poor man's dick with it as hard as he can.

The man cries in great agony, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.....!"

The doctor just says, "Good, come again tomorrow and we'll learn B!"

[worldangel]

Joke: The Wizard

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you".

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

[worldangel]

Joke: Spaghetti

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."

Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart

attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife.

He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, "'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'"

[worldangel]

Joke: The Old Maids

There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins. It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been laid!!"

Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10, so I don't worry about you."

10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock...12 o'clock... Finally about 15 after 1 the front door flies open. In runs Gladys... straight to the bathroom.

Betty goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys?"

No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself.

"What is it, Gladys? What's wrong?" asks Betty.

"Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in... and 5 when it came out. When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!"