My colleauges suspect that's I'm Gay

[doncoin]

When you craft a lie, it will at some point to crush you. You start by making up a story about a girlfriend or had an ex-gf. Eventually, the expectations of this non-existent girl may push you into actually into finding one. From that one little lie, it feeds into the expectations of your family, friends and colleagues. Eventually, you may find yourself getting married to her because you are already buried so deep in your lie, and you don't want to disappoint your family, whom you have misled all these years. You don't really love your wife. You go through the motions that is expected of you. You may go to the saunas to have sex with other men, or when you travel on business. You may never fully fall in love and just live this life based on a lie you have built simply because you think it is better to sacrifice yourself for the happiness of your family, friends and colleagues than devastate them with the truth, because you fear their rejection. 

 

You think it is better to lie than to be rejected. You live the rest of your life hiding who you are from them, but know that it is your choice. Your choice alone. You decided. You choose. So suck up to the consequences of your decision and live the decision made. 

[Guest Guest]

3 hours ago, doncoin said:

When you craft a lie, it will at some point to crush you. You start by making up a story about a girlfriend or had an ex-gf. Eventually, the expectations of this non-existent girl may push you into actually into finding one. From that one little lie, it feeds into the expectations of your family, friends and colleagues. Eventually, you may find yourself getting married to her because you are already buried so deep in your lie, and you don't want to disappoint your family, whom you have misled all these years. You don't really love your wife. You go through the motions that is expected of you. You may go to the saunas to have sex with other men, or when you travel on business. You may never fully fall in love and just live this life based on a lie you have built simply because you think it is better to sacrifice yourself for the happiness of your family, friends and colleagues than devastate them with the truth, because you fear their rejection. 

 

You think it is better to lie than to be rejected. You live the rest of your life hiding who you are from them, but know that it is your choice. Your choice alone. You decided. You choose. So suck up to the consequences of your decision and live the decision made. 

 

老兄，你想太多了。不是每个故事和谎言都有同样后果的。

[doncoin]

3 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

 

老兄，你想太多了。不是每个故事和谎言都有同样后果的。

 

虽然后果不懂但当你活的命不是你想要的， 反而是根据其他人的期望, 那你自己的期望在那呢？即使碰到真爱也无法能去追， 应为你把幸福给了你的家人， 朋友， 同事， 等， 不在你手上。 不要埋怨天或地。 

[Guest Guest]

My ex die of cancel.

 

This will stop them permanently as it will be awkward for them to response or continue to probe further.  Always works.

[bluerunner]

One lie leads to another. 

If your colleagues wanna suspect, let it be. 

You have no obligation to explain or even to cover up? How many times can you do that? Forget it. There are more worthwhile things to do in life. 

[snowball]

相信你的，就算无需解释，他们也不会怀疑你；不信你的，再解释也没有用，只会越描越黑 。

唯一能做的，就是什么都不做，别放在心上。

 

[Samezuka]

In my case someone did the talking for me lol. One AJ coworker came up on my first day and asked in front of everyone, "have we chatted on sgboy before?". I laughed nervously lol

[CKW]

5 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

My ex die of cancel.

 

This will stop them permanently as it will be awkward for them to response or continue to probe further.  Always works.

 

I have a gay ex-colleague who did that.

 

He went around telling people that his girlfriend died while they were dating, and that he was so traumatised that he stopped dating altogether, and hence he's single, despite being quite good-looking and well-built.

[Guest Guest]

11 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

My ex die of cancel.

 

This will stop them permanently as it will be awkward for them to response or continue to probe further.  Always works.

 

6 hours ago, CKW said:

 

I have a gay ex-colleague who did that.

 

He went around telling people that his girlfriend died while they were dating, and that he was so traumatised that he stopped dating altogether, and hence he's single, despite being quite good-looking and well-built.

 

You two know each other? LOL.

[Guest Guest]

12 hours ago, doncoin said:

 

虽然后果不懂但当你活的命不是你想要的， 反而是根据其他人的期望, 那你自己的期望在那呢？即使碰到真爱也无法能去追， 应为你把幸福给了你的家人， 朋友， 同事， 等， 不在你手上。 不要埋怨天或地。 

 

你同意后果不同（不是“懂” your mandarin needs revision ）就足于排除你当前的说法了。其余都是局外题，无需扯进来。

[CKW]

10 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

 

 

You two know each other? LOL.

 

No, lol

 

But when he (guest) mentioned it, it reminded me of my ex-colleague.

 

I can't remember whether he (my ex-colleague) told people that his "girlfriend" died of cancer or a car accident or something else.

 

But I heard it from a girl who heard it from another girl who had a crush on him. Apparently, when that girl finally made her feelings known to him, that's what he told her  

[doncoin]

3 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

 

你同意后果不同（不是“懂” your mandarin needs revision ）就足于排除你当前的说法了。其余都是局外题，无需扯进来。

 

Totally. My Chinese sucks. 

[Siong]

My collegue suspect me also when 1 of his mutual friend in fb is my friend n his friend his gay..lol

[doncoin]

Just now, Siong said:

My collegue suspect me also when 1 of his mutual friend in fb is my friend n his friend his gay..lol

 

So has it become a witch hunt in your office? Spot the gay is the latest thing?

[Siong]

6 hours ago, doncoin said:

 

So has it become a witch hunt in your office? Spot the gay is the latest thing?

Nope.. i pretend nothing.. then, after awhile..no one mentioned gay again..hahaha

[Creevie]

Easy. Everyone in my workplace knows I'm gay. I don't broadcast it but if someone asks or if it seems appropriate enough for the situation, I would not hide too.

Anyway, being gay is still better than a lot of things like certain races, or being fat, or being broke and lousy career, or being overly religious like those who like to post stuff with a bible quote in facebook, etc.

Once u know that prejudice is reality and prejudice can be useful, you won't really be too bothered about how people choose to see you. E.g. If you tell ur parents you're into the same gender but you have been, and still are, giving them household expenses, I don't think it's a big issue that you're gay. Just an example, but I hope you all get my point

Edited May 6, 2017 by Creevie

[cutejack]

2 hours ago, Creevie said:

Easy. Everyone in my workplace knows I'm gay. I don't broadcast it but if someone asks or if it seems appropriate enough for the situation, I would hide too.

Anyway, being gay is still better than a lot of things like certain races, or being fat, or being broke and lousy career, or being overly religious like those who like to post stuff with a bible quote in facebook, etc.

Once u know that prejudice is reality and prejudice can be useful, you won't really be too bothered about how people choose to see you. E.g. If you tell ur parents you're into the same gender but you have been, and still are, giving them household expenses, I don't think it's a big issue that you're gay. Just an example, but I hope you all get my point

True.i agree with yr eaxmple.

My mum suspect on me.although i contribute /incharge of everything, she will still say "ya la.u take care of me n im lousy n sick at home so whatever u do i cant do anything."hahaha.

[LeanMature]

Suspect only, no proof.  Just pretend you are not aware.  But if asked, then reply: "None of your business".   

[Guest Queen Bee Lee Hsien Loong]

Reply "why? 想追我? 连门儿都没有!"

[fab]

"Got anyone to intro to me?"

[rastateofmind]

Basically the more you deny it, the more they will suspect you, especially if its evidently clear that you are. Just smile at them and ask them what do they think. They gonna think what they wanna think despite what you have to say. So just have fun with it and tease their imagination a bit.  

[fab]

True.

 

Imagine if u r elvin ng, u can still deny.

 

But if u r hw bw or dk, whats there to deny.

[Leanmeat]

Haha for a while i was wondering what hw,bw and dk means! Then think abt who is obvious and the answer is out.. lol

[fab]

my examples very good right?

 

[Marineboy]

Some Interesting advice....here

 

Wilson once you are comfortable with who you are and have a straight face n some wit...its a piece of cake..

Of course the first time questions you might be taken aback but talking with us here life is sure to improve...

 

So pause and see what you want to say in reply there is no need to defend anything really..

 

Are you married? Not yet you want to get invited when that happens..or .Oh its sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along( hope you didnt experience that!)...can't afford to..poor me no one wants me so sad hor

Are you gay? Why? Dont tell me you are jealous now?  or what if i am? You want me to be gay? You heard of Bi?

These are some friendly batter ...get them involved. Likely not bother you anymore.

 

I frequently playful with colleagues and frens they do the same...like playful times in school and the army with the boys etc

 

Next time you can advice to the next generation. Regards

 

 

[mate69]

Maintain a cool, slightly aloof, clinical and detached demeanour to those around you at all times.

Guaranteed you will never be asked, ever again.

Try it.

[Leon7]

On 4/8/2017 at 9:10 PM, cutejack said:

True.i agree with yr eaxmple.

My mum suspect on me.although i contribute /incharge of everything, she will still say "ya la.u take care of me n im lousy n sick at home so whatever u do i cant do anything."hahaha.

hahah

because they think you already big n them already old

not much can do for u or force u like when we still child.

[Guest Bonfire]

It probably isn't much of an issue if a colleague knows I'm gay or not, especially when he or she is just no more than a workplace acquaintance. Even if he or she holds a prejudice or says nasty things about gays, it will be nothing more than nonsense.

[cutejack]

6 hours ago, Leon7 said:

hahah

because they think you already big n them already old

not much can do for u or force u like when we still child.

True but we still behave wa.never bring back guys for fun n all.in fact the house was bought by me n my

mum is stying with me le.haha

[Guest Guest_curious]

I need to say this as I feel demoralized at workplace lately....

I working in a small Japanese company and majority of the staffs are married & family-orientated.

There are quite a few people there who are very mean and kaypoh (maybe too free from less workload).

I find it sad that even thought there is a short statement for Non-Discrimination in my company handbook  which one of the policy stated that: "The Employee shall not transmit messages within or outside the Company which are derogatory or defamatory in nature in relation to a person's race, color, sex, age, disability, religion, national origin or physical attributes." I guess this policy is just to wayang to look good in the Company handbook as there is no law in Singapore to protect against that.

Sometime I can even overheard my HR manager jokes or mocks on gays or effeminate guys/ah Guas topics.

This lead me to think that she is quite fake person. She is happily married with 2 kids.

I wish I can whistle blow and log a complain against her & someone to local management & to our Japan HQ.

I am not happy how they make fun or treat people who are still single/not married and make us feel singled out in society.

I am quiet and hardworking person at work but it seem that I do not have a nice work environment to work in.

I also feel I do not have a fair chance to get promotion since I am single and do not have the intention to get married.

 

 

I am single and pretty/good-looking & fit at my age. (Bi-curious) I am a shy and soft-spoken person (INTJ).

My colleagues often gossip & teased me as being gay (pretty) and also try to make fun of me by match-make with a female colleague (who they also don't like for being old & single but still act cute at the age of 40s). There is this specific senior guy (in 50s) who openly harass me and commented out loud if I am gay because I am single at my age (mid 30s).

I think he also wants to seek attention from the rest of my colleagues & try to psycho themto prevent them for being nice to me.

(Anyway I think he is simply homophobia and jealous of me for being fit, younger and better looking then him).

My HR manager is quite close to this guy and she like to find him to chat whenever she is free.

 

Most of the guys there (The sales and engineers)(happily married) seemed to have sex outside of their marriage (with prostitutes/ from happy-ending massage) whenever they have the chance to go overseas for work.They think this is very normal and proud of it for being as a real man.

I wonder if it is good and how they feel good to betray their spouses and their kids.

 

Another of my colleague who is single (young Japanese - late 20S ) claimed he is not gay whenever he is being teased and he seem to prove it very well to all my colleagues by saying he often find prostitute or go for kinky massages. He said it is very normal for a single guy and thus he cleverly prove to all of my colleagues that he is not gay. Anyway some gossipers & female colleagues often say behind his back that he is very humsak and dirty-minded. (I find it funny myself as some of the guys got visit hookers too)

It seem that it is not wise to say you are straight by going to kinky places or if you do not have a girlfriend to show to your colleagues.

 

 

 

[cmlf]

 

thanks for taking time out to share with us your experience. 

 

it can be indeed a tough work environment when colleagues and management are unable to build positive relationships with the very people who also contribute to the company, not just those marginalised and disabled too.

 

in jerry corey's book entitled 'the people helper', he shares people have problems because they are unable to deal with them. so, they need help. 

 

once we sink this in, we begin to see them in a different way and our own (appropriate) response to it all can make a difference.

 

your colleagues have a problem and need help. and if they are unable to change, we can and will make the most of opportunities we've beneffitted from. in your case it would be the experience including achievements despite the challenges regardless time frame. 

 

with a plan, we're confident you'll achieve what you want.

 

Edited May 4, 2017 by cmlf

[sgboy84]

People just love speculating and gossiping on one another. Best way is to laugh it off and don't be offended. When they know they can't get to you they will eventually stop their nonsense. 

[Guest Michelle Sheridan]

Say:

I am not gay. I am like Lawrence khong, I just look and smell like gay, but am definitely not!

[TwoChnBTMs]

my colleague commented that only gays wears red underwears  /low waist cut...when he saw me at gym, undressing with a low waist, fire-man underwear with words " FIREFIGHTER", then ask me where i get it ?

Edited May 6, 2017 by TwoChnBTMs

[kaze]

There's no real need to worry on this. A straight won't even consider that possibility even if people discuss and flames him as gay.. Once in my part time work, we were in the discussion about gays and homosexuality. One colleague commented i'm still single.. is it cuz i was hurt before or simply cuz i'm gay. My reply is, i dont even care about the things she said. it doesnt bother me cuz i know myself well.. at this point, another colleague added in to say its impossible for me to be gay blah blah blah.

you shouldnt be overly worried about this kind of things. =]

[Guest Guest]

Visited my friend yesterday. There he had his old auntie visiting as well. So no choice to interact. While having lunch with them she directly told in front of everyone that she thinks that I'm gay. What on earth she arrived to that conclusion? I got so embarassed and wanting to leave but I jokingly said that I was once a money boy and served both man and women for a living. Everybody laughed but she said she is not convinced. After the meal, I told my friend that I had to leave because my sister just asked me to buy something for her project. My friend later apologized when I left the house. 

[Creevie]

35 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

Visited my friend yesterday. There he had his old auntie visiting as well. So no choice to interact. While having lunch with them she directly told in front of everyone that she thinks that I'm gay. What on earth she arrived to that conclusion? I got so embarassed and wanting to leave but I jokingly said that I was once a money boy and served both man and women for a living. Everybody laughed but she said she is not convinced. After the meal, I told my friend that I had to leave because my sister just asked me to buy something for her project. My friend later apologized when I left the house. 

 

Deplorable auntie la, so full of herself that she doesn't realise she's being shitty...