Stop believing in love

[Guest Loveless]

I'll turn 24 this year. 24/78/181 Chi if you are picturing, and I've never been in love, nor even know how it's like to love, or loved, or be in love. I'm proud of my own sexuality and wouldn't even call myself discreet.

 

I used to have a lot of friends from my college, but graduation happens and people no longer stay in touch. Then I thought to myself, to really put myself out and look for friends, start slow and maybe eventually I'll find buddies that I can hangout with for coffee during the weekend and to do things that I like together. Fingers crossed, maybe even a boyfriend. Jack'd, Grindr, Blued, Growlr, Tinder, Hornet, Planet Romeo, etc, all channels. I will always tweak my profile to attract views and chats, and also increase the possibility of getting reply when I approach someone. I wasn't looking for sex, 'friends, networking, ltr' was my reply when asked what am I seeking.

 

I'm always envious towards those people at my age, in a nice relationship or at least once loved, or have some gay friends that they can hang out with, or even a regular person that has a friend that they can do things together. I'm tired and wish that I never had to eat alone everyday, travel alone, and spend my weekend alone.

 

In one year alone, I've chatted with more than 100 people, no kidding. Met about 30+ people. But all with a single outcome, they're all strangers now. They either stop replying altogether, or met once and never talk to each other again, as much as we are 'clicking' before meeting up. Or a large fraction would eventually lead the conversation to sex and asking to send pics of my body part. I am dead alone, bored and hope to have a friend that I could comfortable talk without eventually talking about sex and my body. There are some good ones at least, but the conversation didn't live longer than 2 weeks as much as I show my interest to know about each other and shared about my life and show concern, sincerity and all. Or some that would meet me and we probably had the best quality chat ever, but never make it to the second date.

 

Eventually, seeing how awful the gay world is, and how terrible the gay community, I told myself that there is no such thing as friendship and there's no more love left in this circle. I managed to convinced myself that I no longer believe in love, as much as others said 'you haven't met the one yet', which I think is a total lie, because I've met more than 100 and I can't even get a friend, not even one.

 

Seeing these, I mostly seek for fun and casual sex these days, but it was never or hardly about satisfying my sexual desire, because I'm not that much of a sexual person. Having sex with people, is almost like a way that I have some human interaction; to hug or know how it's like to be hugged; to be touched and actually wanted or desired; to have or understand something that is close enough to love; and it's what everyone in the gay circle wants anyway--sex. I still have no friends to find on weekend, but at least I'm able to find men that are willing to have fun with me. I enjoy the warm hug and being held tight, feels like I'm being cared and taken off, that I'm not alone for a while.

 

The funny part is that I thought by changing my perspective and stop believing in friends and ltr in this circle, I will be happy and stop all the wishy-washy of stupid dreams of finding friends in the gay world. No more hoping for a boyfriend because love doesn't exist, no more trying to find or make a friend because it's not going to happen in the gay community, it was the right mindset that I needed before I get hurt every time I have to say--off he goes. Except it didn't. As proud I am to have so many guys cruising me, and guys messaging me when I'm available for hookup, I didn't find any happiness in it, almost wishing that I'm dead already, but I guess it beats loneliness.

 

And right now, it got me asking fellow BWs out here, how do you keep on going? Because sometimes I find living in this cruel gay world as a lonely gay dude, it's a living hell.

[doncoin]

How I got my close group of friends was it started by initiating to spend time together hanging out. We will go to a bar, or organize dinner parties, events, etc, to do together. From a group of 3 we grew to about 8 of us by introducing new people to the group, as well as when we get attached. We were there to support each other, when relations end, and when new relationships started. So I think it all comes down to the dynamics of the people you meet and want to connect with. For me, it means making an effort to spend time regularly with friends, from one to one, to as a group. Sometimes I don't have time, so I make sure at least a text etc. plus it does help too when for a period of time, most of us lived relatively closed to each other, so planning last minute outing was easy. 

 

I feel bad that you had a terrible time trying to find friends in the gay community but they are definitely out there. It is a matter of clicking and having the right dynamics. Trust me, these friends of mine didn't happen till my mid 20s and its been over 15 years now. 

 

One difference i realised is we were introduced to each other in-person versus via an app. We all met through social events- i.e. house party, gala, etc. I think that changes the dynamics of the interaction versus an app. A chat via an app can never beat real life face-to-face conversations. 

Edited February 3, 2017 by doncoin

[Guest Loveless]

17 minutes ago, doncoin said:

How I got my close group of friends was it started by initiating to spend time together hanging out. We will go to a bar, or organize dinner parties, events, etc, to do together. From a group of 3 we grew to about 8 of us by introducing new people to the group, as well as when we get attached. We were there to support each other, when relations end, and when new relationships started. So I think it all comes down to the dynamics of the people you meet and want to connect with. For me, it means making an effort to spend time regularly with friends, from one to one, to as a group. Sometimes I don't have time, so I make sure at least a text etc. plus it does help too when for a period of time, most of us lived relatively closed to each other, so planning last minute outing was easy. 

 

I feel bad that you had a terrible time trying to find friends in the gay community but they are definitely out there. It is a matter of clicking and having the right dynamics. Trust me, these friends of mine didn't happen till my mid 20s and its been over 15 years now. 

 

One difference i realised is we were introduced to each other in-person versus via an app. We all met through social events- i.e. house party, gala, etc. I think that changes the dynamics of the interaction versus an app. A chat via an app can never beat real life face-to-face conversations. 

Thanks... wasn't expecting reply so fast, or even a reply considering it's pretty lengthy and well, gay world maybe?

 

Honestly, I don't even know where to find gay people other than apps. Gay bar doesn't seem like a viable (or even a healthy) option to begin. Gym? Jogging by the park?  Eating alone in the restaurant? The closest person I can consider friend and is gay, is someone who I have chat every now and then and met a total of three times, where we'll have quick dinner or coffee and me being persuaded to make him cum. But then again, I never give up on any possible friendship, even if it cost me pleasing him. But then again, I'd choose over a decent quality time with a person rather than an amazing sex. Unfortunately, 'decent quality time' in gay world only mean sex and fun.

 

Hate to be this grey but I have pretty much concluded that all gay men are walking dildos and fleshlights, and we are all judged by how our face look like, translated to that of being bad looking and gay is a crime, right? And say that I'm writing this again when I'm 35, what value would I be? Am I to get back to the closet and get into an unhappy marriage rather than to die lonely and friendless?

[doncoin]

Well your experience may not be unique neither is mine. I think there is a difference in dynamics when you meet someone through a social setting versus through an app. My issue with apps is everyone is hiding behind an avatar or photo which normally shows a torso (I could be wrong since it has been a long time I have used any app), and mostly these apps are all about hookups rather than relationships of any kind. 

 

I have met people whom I became friends with at bars. Sometimes it is because I keep seeing their faces over and over, other times, it is from just chatting while waiting for a drink. Having a drink or 2 is ok and a social thing. Having to drink to the point where you get drunk and behave incoherently is not healthy. There is a difference. Even at the gym I made acquaintances with people who take the same yoga class as me or jump rope. People often become friends through the most unexpected circumstance. Keep an open mind. 

 

Not all gay men are horny and just want sex all the time. 

[Guest Guest]

I am 57, and sadly I agree comments from both. I was not that bad looking too! I have been seeking for love , just 'simple' love and it just never happened. 

I concluded never to return as a gay in my next life. 

[Guest Loveless]

@doncoin thanks

 

I tried to keep an open mind, and have no expectations, taking it slow and stop looking for love because it will look for me, all sorts of stuff. And while people keep saying every year "you're still young, it will come", how many years I will have to keep hearing it? Some 18-and-attached, some 24 and already in a committed relationship for five years, while I can't even have a gay friend, let alone understand what love is.

 

I'm not a very much of an alcohol person, unless social. Yep, social, which is a luxury to me I guess, considering I'm not so comfortable being in a bar alone. I was once in a gay bar while I was a traveller. Being a fresh face and young meat, many approached me and the conversation all seemed lacerated with lust, all can't seemed to take me to their place or my hotel. And it was indeed traumatizing because I felt objectified, like a sexual object being auctioned where the most persuasive one gets to sleep with me.

 

With thy the event and experience, it also makes me realize that sex is the gay language, because once you go personal like asking what do you like to do on weekend and interest, and hobbies, coffee and art, they either don't reply or reply when they feel like it, say 2 replies in an hour; but when the topic is lust related or body parts, the conversation keeps on going. A way to bond in the gay world I guess; talking about favourite sexual position and trading body pics.

 

Funny fact and off topic a little, every year CNY I would go pray and ask for the typical stuff (health, career, etc) and be able to meet nice people like my good old days in universities. Sadly she couldn't hear me, that this year I pretty much just told God to 'do anything you want because I'm already tired'.

 

Concurrently, there are several topics in this section also talks about how the harsh gay world is and the cold reality of the gay community. I have acquainted with over a hundred men and I have never been liked for who I am, only what's on my body and what I can do in bed. Where and when the dynamics will come, I wonder?

[doncoin]

You're still young. Enjoy your life. Make mistakes and learn from them. That's what youth is for. 

 

Sure, I am not going to deny that most gay men out there are looking for Mr. Right Now versus Mr. Right but it doesn't mean Mr. Right is not there. 

 

Being gay does not mean you need to hang out with gay people or only make friends with gay people. So rather than just pining away that you lack gay friends, strengthen your friendship with your straight friends. You never know if one of them may have a gay brother or friend that your friend can set you up with. Many years ago, one of my JC classmates upon knowing I am gay, even tried to set me up with one of her secondary school friends who is also gay. For lack of a better term, you may need to find yourself a fag hag or fruit fly who will be your support.

 

I think the world is harsh regardless of sexual orientation. However, the world can also be beautiful, kind and hopeful.

 

Don't get into a relationship just because you are lonely. Be in a relationship because you are in love. 

Edited February 4, 2017 by doncoin

[Guest Neh Neh]

Loveless, you need to open up, join some activities or social clubs or charities group to wider your social circle. Forget about being gay, just live as a normal person but like men.

There are so many avenues to social not necessary must social in pubs.

[Guest Somewhere out there]

You don't believe doesn't mean others should believe you.  I believe there is love out there.

 

[Allegro]

Finding the soul mate is a long and tedious process, having one doesn't mean he will stay by your side forever. This is one of the tough life challenges you need to overcome. I think gay apps are useless, having used it for almost 5 years I have yet to meet one that suits my preferences yet have the LTR mindset. Most are just there for fun and the more you find this guy physically attractive the chances are there are plenty of guys who think the same. When a person replies to you he probably is replying the same thing to other guys. Hence I always omit the ones who are "popular", with high followers in Instagram and such.

[Guest Loveless]

Love is hard to find in this circle. Sad but true.

[ZKT279]

14 hours ago, Guest Loveless said:

I'll turn 24 this year. 24/78/181 Chi if you are picturing, and I've never been in love, nor even know how it's like to love, or loved, or be in love. I'm proud of my own sexuality and wouldn't even call myself discreet.

 

I used to have a lot of friends from my college, but graduation happens and people no longer stay in touch. Then I thought to myself, to really put myself out and look for friends, start slow and maybe eventually I'll find buddies that I can hangout with for coffee during the weekend and to do things that I like together. Fingers crossed, maybe even a boyfriend. Jack'd, Grindr, Blued, Growlr, Tinder, Hornet, Planet Romeo, etc, all channels. I will always tweak my profile to attract views and chats, and also increase the possibility of getting reply when I approach someone. I wasn't looking for sex, 'friends, networking, ltr' was my reply when asked what am I seeking.

 

I'm always envious towards those people at my age, in a nice relationship or at least once loved, or have some gay friends that they can hang out with, or even a regular person that has a friend that they can do things together. I'm tired and wish that I never had to eat alone everyday, travel alone, and spend my weekend alone.

 

In one year alone, I've chatted with more than 100 people, no kidding. Met about 30+ people. But all with a single outcome, they're all strangers now. They either stop replying altogether, or met once and never talk to each other again, as much as we are 'clicking' before meeting up. Or a large fraction would eventually lead the conversation to sex and asking to send pics of my body part. I am dead alone, bored and hope to have a friend that I could comfortable talk without eventually talking about sex and my body. There are some good ones at least, but the conversation didn't live longer than 2 weeks as much as I show my interest to know about each other and shared about my life and show concern, sincerity and all. Or some that would meet me and we probably had the best quality chat ever, but never make it to the second date.

 

Eventually, seeing how awful the gay world is, and how terrible the gay community, I told myself that there is no such thing as friendship and there's no more love left in this circle. I managed to convinced myself that I no longer believe in love, as much as others said 'you haven't met the one yet', which I think is a total lie, because I've met more than 100 and I can't even get a friend, not even one.

 

Seeing these, I mostly seek for fun and casual sex these days, but it was never or hardly about satisfying my sexual desire, because I'm not that much of a sexual person. Having sex with people, is almost like a way that I have some human interaction; to hug or know how it's like to be hugged; to be touched and actually wanted or desired; to have or understand something that is close enough to love; and it's what everyone in the gay circle wants anyway--sex. I still have no friends to find on weekend, but at least I'm able to find men that are willing to have fun with me. I enjoy the warm hug and being held tight, feels like I'm being cared and taken off, that I'm not alone for a while.

 

The funny part is that I thought by changing my perspective and stop believing in friends and ltr in this circle, I will be happy and stop all the wishy-washy of stupid dreams of finding friends in the gay world. No more hoping for a boyfriend because love doesn't exist, no more trying to find or make a friend because it's not going to happen in the gay community, it was the right mindset that I needed before I get hurt every time I have to say--off he goes. Except it didn't. As proud I am to have so many guys cruising me, and guys messaging me when I'm available for hookup, I didn't find any happiness in it, almost wishing that I'm dead already, but I guess it beats loneliness.

 

And right now, it got me asking fellow BWs out here, how do you keep on going? Because sometimes I find living in this cruel gay world as a lonely gay dude, it's a living hell.

I feel you.... hei, lets be friends....

I myself is feeling so lonely....

 

Because u sign-in as a guest, i can't pm u. So, do pm me if u r interested ok.

Edited February 4, 2017 by ZKT279

[yoyo74]

If you dont believe in love than u will never get love. Before u get love, u need to give out love first. You may fail to get love a few times but if you continue to love others than sooner or later one will be impress by u and return your love. I have also met several hundreds of gays in a few years time. I do have many friends to meet out weekly also.

 

Be like me create some interest groups and group all of your friends into several line chat group of similar interest so that u can keep chit chatting on a particular topic. You can also set a chat group rules not to post porn stuff inside to filter off unwanted people. In a chat group learn how to be the most interesting person in it and always be chatty.

 

I have jogging group, vegetarian group and pokemon group but only my jogging group meets up weekly. I also join other gay line group as well. I try to expand my gay social circle as wide as possible and i hope to meet every single gay person in singapore although its not possible due to too many discreet people.

 

As we know guys is always very superficial. Face we cant change much unless do plastic surgery but body we can do lots of things to it to increase attractiveness. Make sure you have a lean fit body and great personality than finding friend or love would be much easier. By eating healthy and a little bit of exercise, you definately can get a lean fit body even at old age. It is difficult for most people cause they cant control their craving and lazy to exercise. If you can do it than it means u have above average personality of self control, hardworking and superb will power. Add your friendly, kind and generous personality to it than u will have the greatest chance of getting more friends and love.

 

The question is "Do you have such above average personality?"

 

If you still have problems making friends than u can look for me. I will introduce u to my groups and help u expand the gay social circle. All my gay social groups includes all race, all age, all religion and all nationality. The only criteria i put is that they must be gay or bi etc so that others wont feel uncomfortable

[ZKT279]

How about the saying that say "u must love urself before being in love..."

[Guest Sunny Boy]

I blame the rain.  Because of the rain, I cannot go out to play, and because I cannot go out to play, nobody will notice me and nobody notice me mean no love, no soulmate. 

 

I blame it on the rain.

 

[leo yok loo]

 You dont believe in love is perfectly ok. Some people dont believe in doctor.

For me i dont believe in politicians and lawyers.

[snowball]

then just wait till one that able to make you believe in, good luck

[gareth96]

Hello Loveless,

 

Although I'm not mature enough or smart, I feel very compelled to give my 2 cents worth so please bear with me if you think its extremely stupid or redundant.

It is said by self-help books that I read that people are social creatures so it is understandable that you desire companionship, but I think you focus too much on it.

 

I had friends who stopped talking to me after we graduated too. That's when I realised that people just come and go in your life.. but I'm glad that on the graduation day we wrote each other letters to show that we had been a pleasant person in each other's lives. It made me feel really touched and valued as a person. But just because someone doesn't say it does not mean they don't feel it. That was what kept me going, to be myself and to treat people with love knowing that they might leave my life in the future and becoming a pleasant memory, though some may say I'm naive or stupid because no matter how much I try to protect myself, I will still be used by others, more or less.

 

I also gave up trying to find love or friends etc here because, on top of those problems, they are too high-maintenance for me. I have work to do, games to play to vent my stress, inspirational and motivational videos to watch to make me improve as a person, interesting things to learn, hateful exercise regime to keep fit so that I won't die of hypertension or diabetes at the age of 50, cute guys and porn on the internet to watch because I just felt like it at days and I don't want to talk to my gay acquaintances at this state, and if I disappear for a few days they think I'm not interested. I'm one of those guys who are nice and polite and click with you and disappear for a few days and you felt too awkward to reply again. The only person I would really text non-stop for an hour or two if I'm free, is my mother.

 

JUDGEMENTAL ALERT:

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem to only want to make gay friends to me. If so, you are making a mistake. Before sexuality, everybody is a human. In addition, you should ask yourself: why a gay person? Seems to me you want a boyfriend, really badly. Screw all the right person will come. You don't need anybody to make you feel happy, or 'okay' as in at ease. If someone thinks they do, they need to grow up. If sugarcoated it means: "change your perspective, find an interest, get a dildo, you don't need anyone to make you happy because you are worth it."

 

And if you really think that there is no who love you, realise your surroundings harder. Humans often take things that they are used to for granted. I, for one, took my family's love for me for granted, partially also because of my low self esteem as a homosexual. But, I realised that "before sexuality, everybody is a human", got over it, felt loved and happy, drinks coffee every morning! 

 

Sorry if I sounded really stupid, I felt depressed for a little bit too then. That was the solution my meager intelligence and maturity could come up with. Feel free if you want to tell me why my thinking is stupid, it is appreciated.

 

Lastly, and most importantly, I'm so sorry I can't do anything constructive so I will just say CHEER UP!

[Guest Stephen_K]

....

Edited December 21, 2017 by Stephen_K

[Guest Loveless]

Thanks for all the reply, guys. Never know that I'll, get so much response especially from BW, where I believe that most guys here, well, not into these topics.

 

Sometimes I just can't help but to compare myself with others. As much as comparing is sickening, but to see people getting in love at such young age, like 19 and attached, it kinda makes me sad because why does it seemed easier for some?

 

--To reply and also voice my opinions below;---

@Allegro, true. The popular one are likely just going to reply something like 'thanks' when you compliment their smile or so, and then you're just marked as 'read' and no reply. If pushy enough like ask how's their weekend after a few days, likelihood is that I'll get blocked. And it applies to many people, not just the popular ones.

 

@Guess Loveless 'Love is hard to find in this circle. Sad but true', don't know who you are, but you ain't me yeah, just clarifying.

 

@ZKT279, frankly and hopefully mod won't suspend me, I'm actually a member in BW but I just post this under a guest profile for anonymity sake and not subject to bias-ness. I'm from KL too, and then again, what do you seek from the loneliness? Sex? And that's what pretty much the circle are like (not directed to you), 'when lonely, look for a quick fuck, because being lonely is temporary, so is a quick fuck'.

 

@yoyo74, I do hope I'll be a part of something too, like I belong to a group or something. As for the part on physical appearance, I just find it rather ironic, that to have a lean fit body is a pre-requisite to find friends in this circle, which means I'll end up attracting more guys that want to sleep with me, isn't it? I weight 78kg now, and if I'm 68kg, doesn't that mean I'll attract more people that befriend me, with the motive to sleep with me? There are times I wish I don't have the feature or quality that makes people 'sexually' attracted to me, so I can really find someone that enjoy being with my because of who I am, like my words, my wisdom and my brain, rather than how bubbly my ass is and how white and tasty my skin is, as claimed by others. (Sidenote: I'm not gloating and I'm not an Adonis).

 

@gareth96, to a extend, I agree, but most of the time, to my old friends or even with the people I approach or acquainted with, it feels it's purely one sided, like a one-man dance when it takes two to tango. I was like that too, to make nice memories before the friendship expires, but when you have over 100+ different people come and go in the course of one year, with the 'connection' last no more than 2 weeks in general, it's difficult to not be so 'grey', don't you think so? It's fine for your 'judgemental alert' thing, it's just that I sometimes wonder, would things be different if I were a straight guy? Plus, I debated with myself, was it because I'm a 'strong extrovert', I'm having this issue too? That my strength depends on people?

 

I understand being gay doesn't mean I have to hang out with gay people. I'm not selective, but there are certain times, I wish I have a gay friend or something like a gay 'wolfpack' just so I can understand the gay world better, or even have friends that understand what I talk about whenever I vent about my frustration about the jerks I meet on a frequent basis. I have straight friends, mostly girls, and we hardly meet, that whenever I tell them about my problems, none seemed to understand.

 

@Stephen_K, sometimes I take them as an experience, but also everytime it happens, it paints a more vivid picture about the cruel gay world. As 'clicking' I am with a person, they're bound to leave me, as if they have no room for additional new people in their lives. I even once ask someone, 'I've encountered 100+ people, how many more? 200? 300? How many time must I be hurt, and how much more can I take?'

[Guest Stephen_K]

.....

Edited December 21, 2017 by Stephen_K

[Guest Loveless]

7 hours ago, Stephen_K said:

@guest Loveless

 

somehow I felt that you are taking it too seriously. what kind of expectation do you have when you chat up a new person? Knowing a new person? This new person must stay by me forever or as long as possible? Sometime when one tries too hard, the receiving party will also feel the stress which is too overwhelming for him/her at that moment and he/she don't know how to reciprocate 

I used to wish that it's the beginning of something, not marriage or happily ever after or even ltr, but something, that can eventually slowly lead to something like friend or hangout buddy. And I play it smart by not overwhelming the person, or tries too hard. Like I'll try to engage every now and then, try not to make the conversation awkward or dies off. But somehow, I guess it's not what the person is looking for.  Somehow, it's like 'there are no such people that are looking for friends simply because they already have'.

[Guest Hi there]

If u have money, you can easily find love.

[Guest Guest guest]

1 Mum says expectation is what makes us hurt in the end. 

2 How do u know the 19 yo attached boy is happy? 50 smiling Instagram edited pictures and holding hands in public is what we can see. No one knows what truly happens behind closed doors. 

3 Rupaul said, if you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen? 

 

Being bi and seeing both worlds, straight and gay.. and yes there is a difference. The gay world is much harder lol. 

Straight ugly dudes can marry a really hot viet bride and start a family. All is well.

Its rare to see an "ugly" gay dude get very far in terms of relationships. "Ugly" is subjective. 

 

If you want to try, like the rest say, find a Friend in real life, like join a club or whatever. Think about it, your gay hot schoolmate. If u meet him in real life, you will talk about regular stuff and have the chance to know each other. If you met him through an app, chances are he talks about sex. That doesn't make him fake, ppl just go all out on apps cause of the chance of protection. Oh if he doesn't like it nvm I'll just pretend someone is using my pic.  If it's a sch mate he cant do that. So yes meeting in "real life" has higher Chances for more sane less wild sexual people. The discovery of sexual side can come way later.

 

Ive never used a gay app until 3 months ago just to see what it's like. Deleted it in a day lol. It's just Sex. And the people not looking for sex have been there for eons cause their expectations are not met. Abit sad.

 

keep positive bro and have faith. If u feel it in your bones that the Soul mate has been found, enjoy every moment. Life is short. In the meantime, enjoy family and close friend time.

 

all the best!

 

Xx

A stranger who has found his soul-mate. 

[upshot]

2 hours ago, Guest Hi there said:

If u have money, you can easily find love.

Nah... you will never find love if you have money.. you will more easily find gold diggers who will love your wallet. heheh

[Guest Loveless]

@Guest Guest guest, yes. You're damn right and that's why I stop having expectation, or maybe to only expect the worst in human nature when it comes to the gay community. Thanks for the wish and advise, but stay positive turns out to be a difficult task as a lonely dude in a lonely world and cold community.

 

Looks can be deceiving and I understand that, and I know that all relationship, be it lovers or friendship isn't all smooth roads, but at least, it's better than having no roads like me.

 

On the other side, I might be ready to love, or maybe not; but I dare to admit that I love myself; having said that, sometimes I feel the need to draw strength from others (I'm an extrovert, I guess?) hence I have cravings for human connections. I travel a lot and eat nice food to pamper myself if these are some self-loving activities. I do these a lot alone and comfortable doing so--but I wish I don't have to do it alone anyways.

 

And I always wonder too, what if having did all the things mentioned and suggested; join a club, volunteer, active in gym, etc and it turns out my life is the same? Over the course of a year, I did many things too and involved in stuff, but it seemed that my daily routine still pretty much like 'table for one please'.

 

 

[Guest Meg]

If there's a prize for rotten judgment I guess I've already won that No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that Who d'you think you're kidding He's the earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden Honey we can see right through you (Oh no). Gay,  you can't conceal it We know how you're feeling Who you thinking of? No chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, oh, oh It's too cliché, I won't say I'm in love I thought my heart had learned its lesson It feels so good when you start out My head is screaming "get a grip, gay". "Unless you're dying to cry your heart out"
Gay, you can't deny it. Who you are and how you're feeling Baby we're not buying Hon we saw you hit the ceiling Face it like a grown-up When you gonna own up that you got, got, got it bad? No chance, no way, I won't say it, no no Give up, give in, check the grin, you're in love This scene won't play, I won't say I'm in love We'll do it until you admit you're in love You're way off base, I won't say it Get off my case, I won't say it
Gay, don't be proud, it's okay you're in love. At least out loud I won't say I'm in love

[doncoin]

@Guest Meg You fell Hercules

 

 

[ZKT279]

4 hours ago, Guest Loveless said:

On the other side, I might be ready to love, or maybe not; but I dare to admit that I love myself; having said that, sometimes I feel the need to draw strength from others (I'm an extrovert, I guess?) hence I have cravings for human connections. I travel a lot and eat nice food to pamper myself if these are some self-loving activities. I do these a lot alone and comfortable doing so--but I wish I don't have to do it alone anyways.

 

And I always wonder too, what if having did all the things mentioned and suggested; join a club, volunteer, active in gym, etc and it turns out my life is the same? Over the course of a year, I did many things too and involved in stuff, but it seemed that my daily routine still pretty much like 'table for one please'.

 

 

I know what u r trying to say.... i'm going thru the same things now.... been doing that for a long time. But unlike u, i'm more of the introvert type. And my 1st experience of meeting a guy n thought that is the one... turns out sour. So now, whatever i do (things or activities that i use to do before) seems like its not enough anymore. Deep down i feel the loneliness.....

 

But ya, just try to stay positive!!!!

I'm in the process of recovery n soon will be back to my old self....

 

[Guest Gay image consultant]

Or maybe you simply do not look appealing, cute, handsome, hot or sexy enough for the ones you are keen on developing further. You know.... looks are everything and the deal breaker in this circle. Personality, honesty, sincerity, character and integrity means nothing to gays after all, though they may imply they are highly coveted. It's all just fronting for that "proper" image.

[The_Bride]

On 04/02/2017 at 2:21 AM, Guest Loveless said:

I'll turn 24 this year. 24/78/181 Chi if you are picturing, and I've never been in love, nor even know how it's like to love, or loved, or be in love. I'm proud of my own sexuality and wouldn't even call myself discreet.

 

I used to have a lot of friends from my college, but graduation happens and people no longer stay in touch. Then I thought to myself, to really put myself out and look for friends, start slow and maybe eventually I'll find buddies that I can hangout with for coffee during the weekend and to do things that I like together. Fingers crossed, maybe even a boyfriend. Jack'd, Grindr, Blued, Growlr, Tinder, Hornet, Planet Romeo, etc, all channels. I will always tweak my profile to attract views and chats, and also increase the possibility of getting reply when I approach someone. I wasn't looking for sex, 'friends, networking, ltr' was my reply when asked what am I seeking.

 

I'm always envious towards those people at my age, in a nice relationship or at least once loved, or have some gay friends that they can hang out with, or even a regular person that has a friend that they can do things together. I'm tired and wish that I never had to eat alone everyday, travel alone, and spend my weekend alone.

 

In one year alone, I've chatted with more than 100 people, no kidding. Met about 30+ people. But all with a single outcome, they're all strangers now. They either stop replying altogether, or met once and never talk to each other again, as much as we are 'clicking' before meeting up. Or a large fraction would eventually lead the conversation to sex and asking to send pics of my body part. I am dead alone, bored and hope to have a friend that I could comfortable talk without eventually talking about sex and my body. There are some good ones at least, but the conversation didn't live longer than 2 weeks as much as I show my interest to know about each other and shared about my life and show concern, sincerity and all. Or some that would meet me and we probably had the best quality chat ever, but never make it to the second date.

 

Eventually, seeing how awful the gay world is, and how terrible the gay community, I told myself that there is no such thing as friendship and there's no more love left in this circle. I managed to convinced myself that I no longer believe in love, as much as others said 'you haven't met the one yet', which I think is a total lie, because I've met more than 100 and I can't even get a friend, not even one.

 

Seeing these, I mostly seek for fun and casual sex these days, but it was never or hardly about satisfying my sexual desire, because I'm not that much of a sexual person. Having sex with people, is almost like a way that I have some human interaction; to hug or know how it's like to be hugged; to be touched and actually wanted or desired; to have or understand something that is close enough to love; and it's what everyone in the gay circle wants anyway--sex. I still have no friends to find on weekend, but at least I'm able to find men that are willing to have fun with me. I enjoy the warm hug and being held tight, feels like I'm being cared and taken off, that I'm not alone for a while.

 

The funny part is that I thought by changing my perspective and stop believing in friends and ltr in this circle, I will be happy and stop all the wishy-washy of stupid dreams of finding friends in the gay world. No more hoping for a boyfriend because love doesn't exist, no more trying to find or make a friend because it's not going to happen in the gay community, it was the right mindset that I needed before I get hurt every time I have to say--off he goes. Except it didn't. As proud I am to have so many guys cruising me, and guys messaging me when I'm available for hookup, I didn't find any happiness in it, almost wishing that I'm dead already, but I guess it beats loneliness.

 

And right now, it got me asking fellow BWs out here, how do you keep on going? Because sometimes I find living in this cruel gay world as a lonely gay dude, it's a living hell.

 

Dont give up on love. You have to believe it to experience it.

 

Comparing to our straight counterparts, it is relatively harder for us to find a boyfriend, but it doesn't mean that it's impossible for us.  For a straight man, he has the luxury to experience dating, attaching and marriage as the ultimate destination.  This gives him confidence and social responsibility for an attachment.  Whereas for us, if we can get into attachment stage, we are considered very fortunate (of course it takes a lot of work to maintain the relationship).

 

Under Singapore context and a more common scenario, a straight man dates in his early 20's and gets married in his late 20's or early 30's.  For us, it's uncertainty, we do not have the marriage stage locally and because of this, some don't see the whereabouts of his future and therefore no social responsibility to bind him to put in more effort or compromising for a relationship.  I don't deny that we are still male and appearance plays a certain percentage in choosing boyfriend.  Yet, there are cases whereby a boyfriend did not meet one's expectation but still being together due to compromising but one realised the internal "handsome" of his boyfriend after sometime and love developes ultimately.

 

Maybe you don't expect relationship first, but try to make more friends. When the time comes, in your late 20's or 30's, the people around you begin to have the mentality of settling down, then they are more prepared and it is easier for you to find a boyfriend. Not all, but some in their 20's want to experience more and don't wish to be attached yet. That is why people says, “人不轻狂枉少年".

[thorzguy]

I will never and wouldn't give up  -  Love.

Before anyone thinks otherwise, I been thru horrendous relationships too. I cannot be simply because of those jerks and idiots that I stopped believing.

Love is a wonderful thing. Loving someone doesn't mean to having that someone; just knowing that someone is well and good, is a form of love as well.

 

I can be jaded in some areas, especially in this circle of ours, but Love, nope.

 

Love changes everything.

 

[Blacque]

What is your definition of 'love'? I honestly feel that you're constantly trying to find other people to fill up the void within yourself. How much do you love yourself in the first place? 

[Guest GayLust]

On 2/4/2017 at 2:21 AM, Guest Loveless said:

Eventually, seeing how awful the gay world is, and how terrible the gay community, I told myself that there is no such thing as friendship and there's no more love left in this circle. I managed to convinced myself that I no longer believe in love, as much as others said 'you haven't met the one yet', which I think is a total lie, because I've met more than 100 and I can't even get a friend, not even one.

 

Above paragraph is the truest things of truth

In gay community, there is no love, everyone strikes to be the top, gay climb on top of another gay to be superior than another

 

there is nothing called love in gay relationship, probably only lust

anyway if you do really love a guy, you wouldn't want him to become gay

[bigdanbeam]

49 minutes ago, Guest GayLust said:

 

there is nothing called love in gay relationship, probably only lust

 

I hope more people realise this.

[ZKT279]

29 minutes ago, bigdanbeam said:

 

I hope more people realise this.

Its really sad to hear this.... why can't 2 gay guys just love each other ?

Edited February 7, 2017 by ZKT279

[upshot]

https://philosophynow.org/issues/104/Nietzsche_on_Love

[upshot]

7 minutes ago, ZKT279 said:

Its really sad to hear this.... why can't 2 gay guys just love each other ?

 

You think the str8 have it any easier? heheh

[Guest Loveless]

On 07/02/2017 at 11:22 AM, The_Bride said:

Dont give up on love. You have to believe it to experience it.

 

...

 

Maybe you don't expect relationship first, but try to make more friends. When the time comes, in your late 20's or 30's, the people around you begin to have the mentality of settling down, then they are more prepared and it is easier for you to find a boyfriend. Not all, but some in their 20's want to experience more and don't wish to be attached yet. That is why people says, “人不轻狂枉少年".

Relationship is something I dare not to expect anymore, given the circumstances, and I managed to put it aside. Things like being attached or even being in love, I'm convinced that I won't be getting in this life. As much as I hate God for putting it this way, I have began to accept the fate or a 'curse' that I will never know what love is, or if it happens, it will be a tragic one. At least, buying into these ridiculous things are healthier than me chasing after love, like a butterfly, or like believing in a cult.

 

But the fact that even in the gay community, friendship seemed to be an impossible thing is what ticking me off. I just don't get why some people, or some of you all have it but I don't. I won't say that I'm ugly, just decent, but I'm tired of being treated like a sex object in this gay marketplace. Where are those people who will be impressed by my words, wisdom, talent, etc?

 

On 07/02/2017 at 5:44 PM, thorzguy said:

I will never and wouldn't give up  -  Love.

Before anyone thinks otherwise, I been thru horrendous relationships too. I cannot be simply because of those jerks and idiots that I stopped believing.

Love is a wonderful thing. Loving someone doesn't mean to having that someone; just knowing that someone is well and good, is a form of love as well.

I can be jaded in some areas, especially in this circle of ours, but Love, nope.

Love changes everything.

Maybe because you've experienced it, or been in a relationship and gotten the luxury to know what love is, even before it went sour.

I wish I could 'just knowing that someone is well and good' because all I met are douche-bags. I've seen evil in many form, but so far I've never seen any 'goodness' in the gay community other than superficial things (good body, good sex, etc).

I can't help to become bitter, and sometimes I do pray that someone would prove me wrong, but I only meet people that prove how right I am.

For example, last Sunday, I waited for 1 hour and got bailed in the restaurant by this dude that we have been chatting for 2 weeks, he didn't read or reply, and blocked me the day after. And I've seen worst.

 

On 07/02/2017 at 7:49 PM, Blacque said:

What is your definition of 'love'? I honestly feel that you're constantly trying to find other people to fill up the void within yourself. How much do you love yourself in the first place? 

Maybe not that much, but I do love myself in many form. Having said that, I do admit that I am very lonely.

 

I am so lonely, that I agree on hookups although at most time, I'm not that keen for sex. I am so lonely, that even I'm not a sexual person, I engage with conversation with my virtual friends about sex because that's all they talk about all the time (where if I get a bit personal like 'how's your day?'. 'what's your weekend plan?', they'll avoid and skew back the conversation to sex related topic). I am so lonely, that pretty much I'd do anything just for social interaction.

 

But at the end of the day, I just want a friend; not many or what but enough to put me out of the lonesome misery. My weekly routine is petty; work, eat alone, sleep, looking for people to talk to online, jerk off or hookup and all. I miss having a nice quality time with an actual person.

[GachiMuchi]

Shake head!

 

I can see you did try to make things work but when you go in with expectations you are bound to be disappointed.
The bigger the expectation, the greater the disappointment.

 

Unfortunately you are already so jaded and had given up so there is nothing much I can add on which will change anything for you. 

You are fulfilling your own self fulfilling prophecy on how your future relationship / friendship, if any will end up.
If you are going to be bitter, negative and jaded, I can say whoever get near you can pick that up in your conversation, thoughts, actions, etc.

Which is why no matter how the other party might be keen to be friends with you, your unconscious thoughts and actions will sabotage yourself.

 

It's actually not hard to find friends, just drop your expectation, drop your negativity, drop all those thoughts that people just want to have sex with you...etc.

Be Sincere,

Be genuine,

Be friendly,

Be helpful.

Be nice.

Be positive.

Be kind.

 

You don't need to have a ton of friends, just a few good friends is enough.

[Guest Guest]

There's people I know worst than you. Being cheated for their virginity by a so called bf who ultimately went to look for another guy as bf and ditch the virgin guy. He lost all faith in relationship. 

You are not the worst.