Discussion : Closeted / Discreet gay man + Where to Find friends? (compiled) [ No Ads Allowed ]

[Guest Advice Needed]

Looking for some advice/opinions here

 

I'm a closeted guy and I like this guy in my faculty, whom I think is closeted too. We used to talk a bit when we were in the same team and we're friends on fb, but we hardly even say hi now (i dunno just awkward?) let alone talk. But I have a feeling he might like me too. I will see him looking at me from the corner of my eye and sometimes we exchange glances. Sometimes i end up staring at him from a distance but quickly look away when he looks up or turns cos I don't want to look like a creep.

 

I really want to get closer to him but am not sure how too. for many reasons. Firstly, it would seem kind of creepy if i suddenly tried to talk to him out of nowhere, and since we are in different cliques. Secondly, I'm not sure if he really likes me, or just fancies, or something else. Thirdly, even if he does like me, as someone closeted I'm not sure whether he would have interest in getting into this sort of "friendship/relationship".

 

I get that the first step is to try and talk to him, but assuming if he likes me too does anyone have any advice on a good way to/"route map" on how this should progress?

 

thanks in advance (:

[EasleyLim]

So... you want to let him know you like him without letting him know you like guys....?

 

[016hnoor]

We used to talk a bit when we were in the same team and we're friends on fb, but we hardly even say hi now (i dunno just awkward?) let alone talk. But I have a feeling he might like me too. I will see him looking at me from the corner of my eye and sometimes we exchange glances.

[Guest Advice Needed]

So... you want to let him know you like him without letting him know you like guys....?

 

 

 hmm no. I know what needs to be done but does anyone have any advice on how to go about it? easy to say, difficult to do.

[Guest Glyph]

On the bright side, what if he's also waiting for you to initiate a conversation? Nobody knows for sure until someone takes the first step. Why don't you be the one?

 

Just pop a hi, it wouldn't hurt. And if it's not what you think it is, as in his feelings for you (if any), then simply let the conversation die out on its own.

[EasleyLim]

 hmm no. I know what needs to be done but does anyone have any advice on how to go about it? easy to say, difficult to do.

 

Surely there's something you guys have in common? Some kind of IG or topic or mod or something?

[iamziz]

Sometimes verbal communication can be daunting for some people. Perhaps writing to him expressing your feeling. Choose your words carefully. 

[Guest Advice Needed]

On the bright side, what if he's also waiting for you to initiate a conversation? Nobody knows for sure until someone takes the first step. Why don't you be the one?

 

Just pop a hi, it wouldn't hurt. And if it's not what you think it is, as in his feelings for you (if any), then simply let the conversation die out on its own.

 

hmm i see, well i guess you're right (: I mean i can back off again if i dont get the right vibe.. but beyond a hi I'm not sure how to continue haha

 

Surely there's something you guys have in common? Some kind of IG or topic or mod or something?

 

well i guess there are topics in common but its probably hard to hold a conversation for long since we're in different cliques haha

 

 

Sometimes verbal communication can be daunting for some people. Perhaps writing to him expressing your feeling. Choose your words carefully. 

 

haha even written could be quite daunting i think, i don't want to scare him off by approaching him suddenly. thanks though!

or i could "accidentally" message him on facebook haha!

[Marineboy]

I was going to suggest you send personal message on FB...so I say go get into this accident then GoodLuck!

[Muscleanstr8btm]

Sit together with him when you got chance.

I used to like someone who is working in the same building. I'm always 'dapao' something from the food court in the same building and ate at my office's pantry with my colleague. Whenever I was there, I always saw a guy that eating alone (sometimes with his friend) nearby to the stall that I'm always bought the food. I did glance at home and I believe he did the same too (maybe because of my gaydar or I am just too full with myself). On one particular day, the food court was full house and every table was taken but I didn't care much about it till I saw that guy was eating alone at the corner. There is 2 empty chair at his table but I already bought the food-to-go and I was like "Fu*k it, I need to get close with that"

I went straight to his table and asked politely if I can share the table with him but in my mind;

1. What if he is saying NO?

2. He said YES but he asked not to bother him.

3. He said YES but asking why I have my lunch been packed and still want to eat here.

Luckily, I got a positive response and he said YES without non of the above. I sat and ate slowly. Trying to finish my food at the same time with his so that I can have a casual chat before he left. My plan worked and when I am about to open my mouth, me made his move "You always dapao food at that auntie's stall, does it nice?" My brain unable to function for a few seconds and i was thinking that he might be stalking on me too. From that day we have become a lunch/gym buddy till I been transferred to Sg. We still keep in touch with each other and he is GAY too but unfortunately he is already in a relationship even before we met that day.

Moral of the story : Best of luck and it is not harmful to try

Edited March 17, 2015 by Muscleanstr8btm

[Guest Guest]

Perhaps you may try smiling back when you catch him staring at you. DON'T do this everytime, and please DON'T do it in a creepy, in-your-face way (like suddenly giving him a huge, wide awkward grin) (that would just freak him off). A subtle smile will do.

 

This is to show that you acknowledge his presence and that you are friendly. Something like breaking the ice...  sorta prepares the both of  you for some actual interaction in the future, maybe?

 

All the best! 

 

I quote from Avatar Roku: "When love is real, it finds a way".

[doncoin]

Well, you're in a pickle to be honest, since you are closeted, and the other guy may or may not be gay. First, you need to find out if he is into guys. Otherwise you it is just all in your head and you are wasting time. 

 

Once you've established that he is into guys, then you can proceed to getting to ensnare him into your web of desire. 

 

I am being snarky. Since you are closeted, and he may be closeted, both of you should take a trip to Ikea, and combine resources to build a larger closet that can accommodate the both of you. 

Edited March 17, 2015 by doncoin

[Guest Guest]

Haha above post about ikea .

Well I have also had the same situation as you in lectures in my faculty when I was a student.

We knew each other since jc as we were in the Same class.

During lectures we would not seat too near each other but just a few meters away so that we could see each other and I caught him looking at me when I turned my head behind as he was seating behind me. When he sat in front of me I would steal glances at him.

The hardest part was when we were in second year project time he was in my group. Both of us felt so awkward somehow and shy and he didn't talked much in my presence. With his friends he is very lively and sporty.

Sometimes I thought he may be gay but I couldn't confirm too.

In the end after 4 years we graduated and never met again. Somehow till now I'm still eager to find out through fb etc about him but to no avail. If he is married or single etc. Still holding faint sweet memories of him through class photos and his sweet nice smile and tall lean build plus good looking.

[Guest Guest]

Talking to a guy or gal is so normal, what make you think if you are dare not mean closeted?

I rather said that you are dirty in mind, 心中有鬼不纯洁。like him then you can talk to him? How old you are, kid.

[Steve5380]

 hmm no. I know what needs to be done but does anyone have any advice on how to go about it? easy to say, difficult to do.

 

I think we all know that it is easy to say and difficult to do.

And none of us can do it for you.

If he is so closeted,  you have very little to lose.  He won't out you.

 

Many times we have to confront our fears, like the fear of jumping in a pool of cold water. 

There, we also have little to lose, but we fear the shock.

 

Tell yourself that in talking to him, your triumph over your fears is much more relevant than his reaction, positive or not.

[Guest Advice Needed]

Thanks so much for your help/advice guys!! Hvae more confidence and idea of how to go about this now! ((((:

[bhboy]

Sit together with him when you got chance.

I used to like someone who is working in the same building. I'm always 'dapao' something from the food court in the same building and ate at my office's pantry with my colleague. Whenever I was there, I always saw a guy that eating alone (sometimes with his friend) nearby to the stall that I'm always bought the food. I did glance at home and I believe he did the same too (maybe because of my gaydar or I am just too full with myself). On one particular day, the food court was full house and every table was taken but I didn't care much about it till I saw that guy was eating alone at the corner. There is 2 empty chair at his table but I already bought the food-to-go and I was like "Fu*k it, I need to get close with that"

I went straight to his table and asked politely if I can share the table with him but in my mind;

1. What if he is saying NO?

2. He said YES but he asked not to bother him.

3. He said YES but asking why I have my lunch been packed and still want to eat here.

Luckily, I got a positive response and he said YES without non of the above. I sat and ate slowly. Trying to finish my food at the same time with his so that I can have a casual chat before he left. My plan worked and when I am about to open my mouth, me made his move "You always dapao food at that auntie's stall, does it nice?" My brain unable to function for a few seconds and i was thinking that he might be stalking on me too. From that day we have become a lunch/gym buddy till I been transferred to Sg. We still keep in touch with each other and he is GAY too but unfortunately he is already in a relationship even before we met that day.

Moral of the story : Best of luck and it is not harmful to try

This is kinda sweet

[Guest Guest]

There are a lot of reasons why a guy could be staring at you....  don't just believe what you want to believe.

 

For all we know, he could be staring at you as he has a problem with you (kan ni bu shuang). Not to rain on your parade but just giving a realistic possibility.

 

Hopefully it's not the case. All the best ! 

[Guest 72%dark]

hmm i see, well i guess you're right (: I mean i can back off again if i dont get the right vibe.. but beyond a hi I'm not sure how to continue haha

 

well i guess there are topics in common but its probably hard to hold a conversation for long since we're in different cliques haha

 

haha even written could be quite daunting i think, i don't want to scare him off by approaching him suddenly. thanks though!

or i could "accidentally" message him on facebook haha!

The prospect of talking to him might be less daunting if you don't pressure yourself to "hold a conversation for long". There's nothing wrong with a short conversation to start with after all. But as someone who isn't the best conversationalist I sympathize. This is why meeting someone under the guise of an activity can be less pressurizing; e.g. if both of you do a similar sport you could invite him for a session and say it's because your regular jogging/badminton/etc buddy is not free. And if in the end it doesn't lead to anything romantic, (i) it's a good non-homo alibi; (ii) you might even end up with a genuine jogging/badminton/etc kaki.

Don't underestimate the usefulness of approaching someone "suddenly". If he's also interested in you and closeted (i.e it's not just that you're projecting your feelings onto him), then he's also probably waiting for some kind of signal from you. If you're too subtle in communicating your interest, then it's easy for him to rationalize away your overtures. But a "sudden" approach from you may be just obvious enough for him to get the hint.

Seize the day :-)

[leo yok loo]

I do believe that we (aj) all have sixth sense to tell us if the other party is indeed aj or not...i will say 80% is accurate. Of course there is a 20% risk..But in life, we all need to take the risk. Thats why we go for risk assessment course....good luck

[Guest Guest]

I am infatuated with a classmate too. He looks cute but has the cool feel. He's artistic and talented. And his body makes me swoon like his bulge in tight pants *blush* I really want to get to know him better.

[ThePineapple]

Haha i would suggest, just try to hold some casual talk. The first step is always the hardest... 
something like :
"Hi, how's day, wanna go have lunch/dinner together ?"
or maybe
"Hey, <insert anything in your mind here> "

[EasleyLim]

Haha i would suggest, just try to hold some casual talk. The first step is always the hardest...

something like :

"Hi, how's day, wanna go have lunch/dinner together ?"

or maybe

"Hey, <insert anything in your mind here> "

"Hey, wanna fuck?"

[Guest Dan]

Similar problem here. There is a new cute guy in the office but we do not belong in the same role so nothing to talk about work. It will be just awkward if suddenly i talk to him. One time we were both i toilet and i took a glance on his dick while in urinal. Could be around 7-8". Now i'm more tempted to know him hahaha

[hairy springroll]

Invite himf for tea break or after work chill session to start?

[fab]

Just a gentle reminder, even if the other guy is gay, it doesn't mean he has to like u.

[Guest conflicted]

Hi guys. 21yo undergrad here.

 

I've more or less come to terms with my sexuality, but have held off on coming out to my family and friends. My family is of the usual conservative, Chinese type, where they believe in the whole marriage and kids thing. We don't usually discuss LGBTQ issues/people, but in the few times that it does come up, they're quite vocal about their disgust. The friends I hang out with are (weirdly enough) either devout christians, or from similar conservative asian families and share their values. So I don't feel very safe coming out, not at this juncture in my life anyway. 

 

I don't have any gay friends, and my university's queer groups are not an option, because from what I can tell, they're mostly loud and "visible" people, and the fear of getting outed is very real. My question is, where can I start looking for friends (preferably equally closeted haha) as a closeted gay student? 

 

Any advice from people who have been in these situations before would be greatly appreciated :)

[Guest step out]

There are many Singaporeans in your situation. best is to find some leisure friends from apps (maybe not grindr) who would love to know others for non sexual activities. you can open a thread at private here too and just post what you're looking for. Important is to have sufficient guts to meet other gay guys from "all walks of life"...

[flowereat]

the forum is a pretty good place to start! there are many threads around here for you too and if you register as a member you can chat in the chat room too. Alternatively, there are the gay dating apps like jackd, grindr, coffee meets bagel and tinder but chances are people are looking for fun on those platforms. I am not out to family and closest friends but they somehow seem to know because they have known me for many years and I've not dated a single girl. I got to know my  gay friends through boys i used to date and some from the apps. Good luck!

[Crispy96]

3 minutes ago, flowereat said:

the forum is a pretty good place to start! there are many threads around here for you too and if you register as a member you can chat in the chat room too. Alternatively, there are the gay dating apps like jackd, grindr, coffee meets bagel and tinder but chances are people are looking for fun on those platforms. I am not out to family and closest friends but they somehow seem to know because they have known me for many years and I've not dated a single girl. I got to know my  gay friends through boys i used to date and some from the apps. Good luck!

this is my first time hearing about coffee meets bagel! are there many users on it?

[Vans]

Hey! Had the same issue as you of not knowing a lot of gay friends, in fact I only had one lesbian friend haha. 

 

First of all, I think with regard to the friends that you have around you, it is definitely a risk coming out to them. I, for one, have never told anyone in my Uni circle about my sexuality. Only my very very close friends, people that I've known since primary, secondary or JC knows about it (maybe like less than 10 people?) and I'm so thankful for them for the support they've given be when I was questioning (and hating) myself about my sexuality. But tbh, you don't owe anyone an explanation or whether you need to come out to them. When you feel comfortable, you can. But be prepared to lose some of these "friends" because they feel that it's deviant to them. Be prepared to also be coerced to attend religious institutions or to see a therapist. If you have any of these friends when you've come out to them, drop them. The intentions are good, but clearly they do not intend to accept you for who you are. 

Secondly, I've only been using this space and apps like Grindr for 6 months? I've stopped using Grindr since cause it's a toxic environment (to me), but I've made a good friend from there cause we happen to stay in the same school hostel and he also likes watching RPDR. We started talking cause my biodata's description was a RPDR tagline. So definitely it's a place that you can find friends, but really note that people just use the app for sexual relations largely. BW on the other hand is much more.... holistic? You can find sexual experiences but you can also find some friends. Like for me, I'm into Pokemon Go and photography so I've made some friends (though we don't communicate very frequently) from these threads. Some career threads too that can help you gain advice for your job after graduating which can also become a friend. 

Lastly, I think just don't be afraid to come out. I've waited 24 odd years to fully come out and I'm pretty glad that I have. Some days it gets on me, and affects my self-esteem and kicks my anxiety into high gears, but you'll learn and the experiences really afford you a different kind of maturity and thinking. Best of luck! We can be friends too if you would like, just hit me up

[Vans]

3 minutes ago, Crispy96 said:

this is my first time hearing about coffee meets bagel! are there many users on it?

It's the most PG and serious app out of all the apps! Though it gets quite slow too haha better than Tinder/Grindr imho, especially if you're looking for a LTR.

[GachiMuchi]

I can empatise with your predicament as a closeted gay man.

 

You don't need to come out to anyone if you don't want to and there is no need to. But first, it is good that you had acknowledged that you are gay. For me, it took me a good 10 years to even acknowledged that I was gay. I was in denial for many years.

 

Take your time, friends don't suddenly appear and it takes time to build the friendship. When I was younger, I joined a gym and got to know some gay friends, and through my gay friends, I got to know more friends. I also got to know some friends from BW forum and gay apps.  Over the years, eventually, all your friends will start to dwindle, there will be those who will come into your life and later move on and there will be those who you will keep in touch. Boyfriends comes and goes until you are settled down with someone you can be with, but your close friends will be people who won't judge you and stick with you over many many years.

 

All the best.

[repressednerd]

If this forum is too overwhelming for you, try meetup. There are a couple of good meetup groups for the LGBT community (some are private too).

Edited November 27, 2018 by repressednerd

[Guest Why]

Hello,

 

I really hope it's not too late for you to read this.

 

No matter which outlet(s) you may consider, I hope you keep the concept of self-selection in mind. 

 

As you're an undergraduate I expect you'd be instinctive/intuitive enough to Google what this term means if you didn't already understand it. To elaborate a little, the individuals in every group, in every population, are there for a/certain reason(s). Just like how you'd expect that most people majoring in Math have a genuine interest in it, most people on Grindr are interested in hookups (and if I may add, usually hookups only).  (The situation you mentioned regarding queer groups is another example; they aren't necessarily bad people, but I don't think they're a good sample/representation of the entire LGBTQ population - most social groups aren't, anyway; they tend to attract extroverts)

 

Statistically there will always be outliers, but they are exactly this - outliers.

 

Basically, I hope you will have the inner strength and EQ to navigate through life without compromising on your values/individuality. There will be strong pressure to conform to certain lifestyles and philosophies but I hope you can keep your backbone, while still respecting the personal autonomy of others. 

 

Don't let anyone internalise in you, that gay relationships can't last, that all gays are promiscuous, true love doesn't exist, or that you must stick to certain relationship structures you're uncomfortable with "because all gay couples do it".

 

It is a great irony that the freedom to love comes without the autonomy to shape your own life exactly the way you wish. This peer pressure hangs over the gay "community" like a dark cloud, perpetuated by jaded, shallow, toxic individuals.

 

Being homosexual means you are attracted to your sex. That is really the only thing all gay people have in common. 

 

While the experiences of others are to be given at-least basic respect, they do not preclude you from being able to have your convictions, and making wise decisions.

 

Whatever you do, be cautious and make sure you maintain sufficient control over the situation. Know yourself (what you want, why and how you want it), know what you are doing, and make sure others don't misinterpret. NO means NO, thank you.

 

Take care

 

[auscent]

Dont give up ur ideals. In our sex-saturated, frenships get pushed to back seat. But its the one thatll give lingering warmth and support.

[iwannac]

Didn't read what others had to say but just thought I'd contribute.

 

If you're looking for people outside of your social circle for platonic relationships, the only app I can think of is tinder - but even that's a gamble. OkCupid is a decent place too, since most of the people there are looking for something more than a hookup. Just make it clear in those apps that you're looking for friends.

Otherwise, you're better off looking for people in "Meetup" or "Couchsurfing". Though, be warned, a lot of people there are weird.

I think it's true that you CAN still find friends on app like jackd or grindr, but it's probably going to be initially awkward ones since more often than not, people will only initiate if one party thinks the other is sexually attractive.

 

As for myself, I initially tried looking for more gay friends but I kinda gave up. Most "friends" that I meet through these apps tend to be complicated by nature because of the aforementioned reason. In the end, I just opened myself up to my friends (who I know are not assholes) and now I'm pretty much okay. I currently have less than a handful of gay friends. Most of my friends are straight but I can be open with them however I like, which is what I really want anyway. That being said, do I wish I have the gay friends gang thing that you see in malls and stuff? A part of me still does and wonders what is it like having a gang of sisters. But am I unhappy? Nah, I'm actually pretty content. Since the friends I have right now are all a "good fit" with me to begin with, as we naturally gravitated to each other at the start of our friendship.

I find that there's something very artificial with "making friends" using these apps - in the sense whereby you meet them, and you don't gel in any way besides the fact that you like dick, but you're stuck with them for the time being since time and effort was spent on making the situation happen. In the end, you go back home questioning whether did you actually have a good time with the person/people?

[Guest guest]

34 minutes ago, iwannac said:

Didn't read what others had to say but just thought I'd contribute.

 

If you're looking for people outside of your social circle for platonic relationships, the only app I can think of is tinder - but even that's a gamble. OkCupid is a decent place too, since most of the people there are looking for something more than a hookup. Just make it clear in those apps that you're looking for friends.

Otherwise, you're better off looking for people in "Meetup" or "Couchsurfing". Though, be warned, a lot of people there are weird.

I think it's true that you CAN still find friends on app like jackd or grindr, but it's probably going to be initially awkward ones since more often than not, people will only initiate if one party thinks the other is sexually attractive.

 

As for myself, I initially tried looking for more gay friends but I kinda gave up. Most "friends" that I meet through these apps tend to be complicated by nature because of the aforementioned reason. In the end, I just opened myself up to my friends (who I know are not assholes) and now I'm pretty much okay. I currently have less than a handful of gay friends. Most of my friends are straight but I can be open with them however I like, which is what I really want anyway. That being said, do I wish I have the gay friends gang thing that you see in malls and stuff? A part of me still does and wonders what is it like having a gang of sisters. But am I unhappy? Nah, I'm actually pretty content. Since the friends I have right now are all a "good fit" with me to begin with, as we naturally gravitated to each other at the start of our friendship.

I find that there's something very artificial with "making friends" using these apps - in the sense whereby you meet them, and you don't gel in any way besides the fact that you like dick, but you're stuck with them for the time being since time and effort was spent on making the situation happen. In the end, you go back home questioning whether did you actually have a good time with the person/people?

 

 

why do gays guys refer to their gay guy friends as "sisters"???

[Guest Regulator]

A lot of good suggestions have been given above. I would also say that if you really want to make friends, you almost have to step into a gay environment or two at least a little bit, which actually can be done without a screechy coming out process. Again there are a lot of good suggestions from joining social events to making friends from this website, just make sure you state very clearly that you are looking for platonic friends and a sort of support network from the very beginning, and warn away those lusterados seeking quick sex.

[Crispy96]

In reply to TS, if you have REALLY come to term with your sexuality, then I think coming out to your current group of friends might be better than trying to make friends with gay people just because you don't feel "safe" to come out. Why I say so? - others have already given enough comments previously in this thread. My point is, make friends with whoever accept you as a gay man, regardless of their own sexuality.

 

If your friends make you feel "unsafe" to come out, they should be gotten rid of in the first place. If you come out and they treat you differently, all the more reasons to get rid of them. It may be painful and scary, but necessary. 

 

The topics they talk about might give the impression that they hold onto the traditional values, but that does not mean their values (perceived by you) cannot change. They just don't have a reason to change. Speaking from personal experience of coming out: my bff used to cringe at the idea of LGBT. After I came out to her, she had to accept me as who I am. And that, changed her worldview. She then went on to organize events to raise awareness and understanding of LGBT community. Very proud of her.

 

I don't think there are many youngsters our age who are homophobic nowadays. I have not experienced any difficulties, discrimination so far since coming out. Surely there might be a few people who are homophobic, but I think they are very low-key, and probably will never dare to do anything to me, because the social norm now is to accept, not loudly discriminate anymore.

[iwannac]

22 hours ago, Guest guest said:

 

 

why do gays guys refer to their gay guy friends as "sisters"???

 

Cultural thing. I like using it ironically like "bro" and "girl"

[vera.]

On 11/27/2018 at 9:49 AM, repressednerd said:

If this forum is too overwhelming for you, try meetup. There are a couple of good meetup groups for the LGBT community (some are private too).

i use this and its still serving me well...im pretty closeted but to my frens im vocal af about it feels so freeing...im in the gay geeks grp in the meetup app

Edited November 30, 2018 by vera.

[Guest Guest]

On 11/27/2018 at 9:49 AM, repressednerd said:

If this forum is too overwhelming for you, try meetup. There are a couple of good meetup groups for the LGBT community (some are private too).

Couple of good meetup groups? Like what?

[vera.]

12 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

Couple of good meetup groups? Like what?

its literally an app called meetup bruh

[Guest Dii]

I wouldn't recommend this forum. Still too sexualised. 

[Guest Heya]

13 hours ago, vera. said:

i use this and its still serving me well...im pretty closeted but to my frens im vocal af about it feels so freeing...im in the gay geeks grp in the meetup app

I have recently come in terms with my sexuality also and wondering what’s a good group to join...just to make friends cuz I don’t reallt think I’m ready for a relationship. I saw the gay geeks group.. well I do like games, movies and board games etc but I’m just worried that the group might be too geeky. Plus, there doesn’t seem to be a very high turnout rate despite the group having thousands of people? 

[repressednerd]

7 hours ago, Guest Heya said:

I have recently come in terms with my sexuality also and wondering what’s a good group to join...just to make friends cuz I don’t reallt think I’m ready for a relationship. I saw the gay geeks group.. well I do like games, movies and board games etc but I’m just worried that the group might be too geeky. Plus, there doesn’t seem to be a very high turnout rate despite the group having thousands of people? 

 

As a closeted person, shouldn't a not-so-high turnout rate be more comfortable with you? I heard that gay geeks isn't really geeky on the stereotypical stuff like IT, computer games etc. 

 

Or would you rather join a small closeted group that feeds you copious amount of alcohol upon your first time, which results in uncountable times of skin-to-skin contact? 

[Guest Uuu]

On 11/28/2018 at 9:15 AM, iwannac said:

 

 

As for myself, I initially tried looking for more gay friends but I kinda gave up. Most "friends" that I meet through these apps tend to be complicated by nature because of the aforementioned reason. In the end, I just opened myself up to my friends (who I know are not assholes) and now I'm pretty much okay. I currently have less than a handful of gay friends. Most of my friends are straight but I can be open with them however I like, which is what I really want anyway. That being said, do I wish I have the gay friends gang thing that you see in malls and stuff? A part of me still does and wonders what is it like having a gang of sisters. But am I unhappy? Nah, I'm actually pretty content. Since the friends I have right now are all a "good fit" with me to begin with, as we naturally gravitated to each other at the start of our friendship.

I find that there's something very artificial with "making friends" using these apps - in the sense whereby you meet them, and you don't gel in any way besides the fact that you like dick, but you're stuck with them for the time being since time and effort was spent on making the situation happen. In the end, you go back home questioning whether did you actually have a good time with the person/people?

Nicely said. 

[Guest guest]

On 11/28/2018 at 9:15 AM, iwannac said:

Didn't read what others had to say but just thought I'd contribute.

 

If you're looking for people outside of your social circle for platonic relationships, the only app I can think of is tinder - but even that's a gamble. OkCupid is a decent place too, since most of the people there are looking for something more than a hookup. Just make it clear in those apps that you're looking for friends.

Otherwise, you're better off looking for people in "Meetup" or "Couchsurfing". Though, be warned, a lot of people there are weird.

I think it's true that you CAN still find friends on app like jackd or grindr, but it's probably going to be initially awkward ones since more often than not, people will only initiate if one party thinks the other is sexually attractive.

 

As for myself, I initially tried looking for more gay friends but I kinda gave up. Most "friends" that I meet through these apps tend to be complicated by nature because of the aforementioned reason. In the end, I just opened myself up to my friends (who I know are not assholes) and now I'm pretty much okay. I currently have less than a handful of gay friends. Most of my friends are straight but I can be open with them however I like, which is what I really want anyway. That being said, do I wish I have the gay friends gang thing that you see in malls and stuff? A part of me still does and wonders what is it like having a gang of sisters. But am I unhappy? Nah, I'm actually pretty content. Since the friends I have right now are all a "good fit" with me to begin with, as we naturally gravitated to each other at the start of our friendship.

I find that there's something very artificial with "making friends" using these apps - in the sense whereby you meet them, and you don't gel in any way besides the fact that you like dick, but you're stuck with them for the time being since time and effort was spent on making the situation happen. In the end, you go back home questioning whether did you actually have a good time with the person/people?

Agreed, quite tired having to try looking for gay friends through apps or even forum. Most people from these channel tend to look for cutie or sex. Even you want to become friends with them, firstly you must have a not bad face or body, if not relationship would slowly die off. This is the sad part in gay circle and being gay. Those gays who surrounded with many gay friends are either cutie or hunks.

[firefight]

need to find those with common activity and not clingy =D

 

usually is sports mate, games mate or travel mate.