What Are Gays Most Worrying Problem about growing old? + Anxiety of growing old (compiled)

[Guest 自己顾自己]

Better 自己顾自己,  no need to think about reliances on partner, siblings, children...etc.  Unless you have a bunch of childrens and grand childrens and grand grand childrens to induce certain amount of close-tie crowds and hope that, amount them, you could find a rare respectful filial soul than there is probably some light of  hope of finding a caregiver.  Otherwise (for gay especially), my word is still 自己顾自己 to save the hassle and anxiety of a thread like this.  

[Guest Passerby]

16 minutes ago, Guest 自己顾自己 said:

Better 自己顾自己,  no need to think about reliances on partner, siblings, children...etc.  Unless you have a bunch of childrens and grand childrens and grand grand childrens to induce certain amount of close-tie crowds and hope that, amount them, you could find a rare respectful filial soul than there is probably some light of  hope of finding a caregiver.  Otherwise (for gay especially), my word is still 自己顾自己 to save the hassle and anxiety of a thread like this.  

 

Yes, when one gets old, these children and grandchildren will be thinking of what they stand to inherit, what they can claim after one passes on.

[Steve5380]

45 minutes ago, Guest Passerby said:

 

Yes, when one gets old, these children and grandchildren will be thinking of what they stand to inherit, what they can claim after one passes on.

 

It is sad how some family members take advantage of the elderly when they are incapacitated, disabled,  at least in the US.

But this is human nature, like other low instincts.

We should be unconditionally supportive of 自己顾自己, with or without family,  not only when when old but throughout life.

[Guest Wei21]

That is why it is important to invest in 3 things:

1. Love your family especially the younger ones. Hoping that at least one of them will take care of you

 

2. Savings. Ensure that you will have enough to support you after retirement. So work well and be thrifty.

 

3. Insurance. Something that will support you and your love ones when bad things happen to you 

[fab]

On 1/24/2019 at 9:51 AM, Steve5380 said:

 

It is sad how some family members take advantage of the elderly when they are incapacitated, disabled,  at least in the US.

But this is human nature, like other low instincts.

We should be unconditionally supportive of 自己顾自己, with or without family,  not only when when old but throughout life.

 

Wow

 

44 minutes ago, Guest Wei21 said:

That is why it is important to invest in 3 things:

1. Love your family especially the younger ones. Hoping that at least one of them will take care of you

 

2. Savings. Ensure that you will have enough to support you after retirement. So work well and be thrifty.

 

3. Insurance. Something that will support you and your love ones when bad things happen to you 

 

1. Yes be nice to everyone but don't hope for anything.

2. Yes

3. yes

 

Edited July 17, 2019 by fab

[LeanMature]

Who else ?  Never depends on nephews and nieces, they have their own parents to take care. 

[Fridays]

my late uncle stay in nursing home but die within a year,

also my late aunties too

 

so i decide to ensure i m well take care with maid or hourly type to cook

 

i maybe lonely at least self independence is still the best

 

[Guest Expeeienced]

42 minutes ago, LeanMature said:

Who else ?  Never depends on nephews and nieces, they have their own parents to take care. 

They don't even take care of their parent,  why u?

[Guest Tree]

12 hours ago, Fridays said:

my late uncle stay in nursing home but die within a year,

also my late aunties too

 

so i decide to ensure i m well take care with maid or hourly type to cook

 

i maybe lonely at least self independence is still the best

 

 

Where to find people to do home cooking for you?
U mean she will go and buy stuffs from the market then cook for you? Daily?

 

[Guest china]

24 minutes ago, Guest Tree said:

 

Where to find people to do home cooking for you?
U mean she will go and buy stuffs from the market then cook for you? Daily?

 

I saw a very good drama about family issues. China production. The daughter hired someone to buy stuff from market and cook for her father. 

[Steve5380]

13 hours ago, Fridays said:

my late uncle stay in nursing home but die within a year,

also my late aunties too

 

so i decide to ensure i m well take care with maid or hourly type to cook

 

i maybe lonely at least self independence is still the best

 

 

Sorry to hear that your older generation died in nursing homes.

If they were at an age of dying,  could you perhaps be retired?

 

Did it occur to you that being alone and perhaps already retired gives you a great opportunity to care for your elders?

Some people here don't want me to mention karma,  but this can generate tons of positive cause-and-effect that benefits you at least in THIS life.

 

My two cousins, both retired, are taking care of my aunt who is 93 y.o. and needs 24/7 round the clock care.  And I share with them the cost of having two ladies take care of her in her own home, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning her,  moving her around.  No nursing home  !!   Same with my brother-in-law, now close to 99 y.o, being cared at home by my older sister, also retired.

[koolkai]

On 12/26/2018 at 7:05 PM, Guest Guest said:

Wat happen when a gay turn 80 ur old. Who have him to depend on.  My gay friend now trying to bribe his nephew  and niece hoping one day they can take care of him when he grow old.  U think it will happen. I suppose  the new generation have their own burden.They will just dump u at void deck or nursing home hoping the gov will look after u when u are sick. 

 

You can't depend on niece or nephew to take care of you. You need to find ways to take care of yourself.

Edited July 18, 2019 by koolkai

[LeanMature]

11 hours ago, koolkai said:

 

You can depend on niece or nephew to take care of you. You need to find ways to take care of yourself.

 

Yes, if you have an estate left behind for them. But uncles are still second priority.  First priority still their own parents.

[G_M]

This topic is talking about Growing old, who takes care of you. 

NOT talking about Karma.

 

Get back to the topic!

[LeanMature]

On 7/17/2019 at 10:08 PM, Steve5380 said:

 

Some people here don't want me to mention karma,  but this can generate tons of positive cause-and-effect that benefits you at least in THIS life.

 

 

Now you know what I mean by negative karma, Steve.

[Dan 28]

Straight people have hope about children and wife or husband taking care of them when old , most gays don’t ....it’s pretty pathetic , no matter how healthy one is ...ill health can kicks in anytime while getting older 

Edited July 19, 2019 by Dan 28

[Dan 28]

On 7/17/2019 at 8:29 AM, Fridays said:

my late uncle stay in nursing home but die within a year,

also my late aunties too

 

so i decide to ensure i m well take care with maid or hourly type to cook

 

i maybe lonely at least self independence is still the best

 

Fantasy ...maid can abuse the elderly and children especially when no one else is watching ...so many unreported cases 

Edited July 19, 2019 by Dan 28

[robin]

29 minutes ago, Dan 28 said:

Straight people have hope about children and wife or husband taking care of them when old , most gays don’t ....it’s pretty pathetic , no matter how healthy one is ...ill health can kicks in anytime while getting older 

What is sad is if the straight spent all their savings on their children & when they are poor & frail, they assume their children will take care of them but they don’t.  Gays don’t have this ‘risk’. I don’t think it is considered as ‘pathetic’. I am always thankful I don’t need to go through the ‘straight route’

[Steve5380]

10 hours ago, robin said:

What is sad is if the straight spent all their savings on their children & when they are poor & frail, they assume their children will take care of them but they don’t.  Gays don’t have this ‘risk’. I don’t think it is considered as ‘pathetic’. I am always thankful I don’t need to go through the ‘straight route’

 

I agree.  We gays should not think that our aging will be more bleak because we are gay and don't have immediate family.  I have a son and so far, more money is still going from me to him even if I am 70+ years old and he is a successful professional.  But I truly like it this way!

 

Where seniors are better off is in cultures where they live together with children and even grandchildren,  who then take care of them.  This may be still common in Singapore, but not so much in America.  Destitute seniors can find relief in some social programs, and then it does not make a difference if they are gay or straight.

[funbunny]

when singles get old with no one to take care of them den they need to think of ways to make things more convenient for them.

• example, stay near a clinic/ hospital, dun stay in high floors.
• renovate the house or get a house that is designed to be friendly to elderlies (like heavy things in the bottom drawer so if drop injury won't be so serious). In short, elderly proof your house.
• have enough emergency funds.
• have access to ask neighbour for help or make more friends in the neighbourhood in case immobile and need help to go hospital.
• before reaching silver years, invest in your health so later years won't have ailments, ensure got insurance, anything can contact insurance agent. these are quite basic.
• make enough medical preparations.
• engage lawyer to do your will.

future proof your silver years, the only person you can 100% rely on is yourself. if you dunno what to do, chances are your children and grandchildren wouldn't know too especially when they haven't reach that age. relying on children/grandchildren is a fallacy.

[cyanide]

if there is a rainbow community home in singapore, that's would be the best.Lesser prejudice and can help each other mentally. Best with only hunky and cute male doctor and nurses, caretaker

[xiaox1n]

old folks home lo

[Guest Guest]

I forsee the next government will if we vote Tean Lean as PM and his People's Voice and Tan Cheng Bok form the government. In the n

coming election. Tean Lean and Cheng Bok are capable men with Kind Hearts and have vision. Most importantly, they care for the people.

[Guest Fatty]

35 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

I forsee the next government will if we vote Tean Lean as PM and his People's Voice and Tan Cheng Bok form the government. In the n

coming election. Tean Lean and Cheng Bok are capable men with Kind Hearts and have vision. Most importantly, they care for the people.

But they have no track records.

[cyanide]

38 minutes ago, Guest Fatty said:

But they have no track records.

that's why vote them in to give them chance lor.dun denied them before they were able to make any good records. Pap has too many chance Liao but they only disappoint the majority sg

[lonelyglobe]

Majority sporean are heavily in all sorts of loan and they simply cant take the risk to vote in some party with no track records....we are not the british neither are we the americans who are brave enough for changes despite knowing how tough they have to go through.

[Dan 28]

18 hours ago, robin said:

What is sad is if the straight spent all their savings on their children & when they are poor & frail, they assume their children will take care of them but they don’t.  Gays don’t have this ‘risk’. I don’t think it is considered as ‘pathetic’. I am always thankful I don’t need to go through the ‘straight route’

I hope you are not in self denial just like those many single aunty who thinks they do not need men and get married but behaved otherwise 

[fab]

5 hours ago, cyanide said:

if there is a rainbow community home in singapore, that's would be the best.Lesser prejudice and can help each other mentally. Best with only hunky and cute male doctor and nurses, caretaker

 

Do u think u will still be so horny by then?

 

4 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

I forsee the next government will if we vote Tean Lean as PM and his People's Voice and Tan Cheng Bok form the government. In the n

coming election. Tean Lean and Cheng Bok are capable men with Kind Hearts and have vision. Most importantly, they care for the people.

 

Don't have high hope in any political party, or rather, a monopolized govt. 

 

I rather support a at least tripartied Parliament.

[Guest Aging]

A couple strand of grey hair on my brow is noticeable.  My neck showed turtleish wrinkles  when I swallowed food otherwise it is smooth.  No moisturiser can  save what I saw.  There were few darks spots on my hand.  I am scared.  I used  to look youthful until last year.  Now it seems aging started very fast.  Did i use the wrong  skin care products or having exposed under the sun for too long?  I hated aging.  I am not ready emotionally.  I wanted to look young and be accepted.  Heard too many old men being rejected everywhere and in every part of our society. Our society is not ready and unprepared for old age.   I don't want to be part of that group of old men.  I am depressed to think that my life is over and nothing can reverse my youth. We are all depreciating asset like our Hdb.

[LeanMature]

Embrace it. 

[fab]

How old r u now?

[Innocentguy]

1 hour ago, Guest Aging said:

A couple strand of grey hair on my brow is noticeable.  My neck showed turtleish wrinkles  when I swallowed food otherwise it is smooth.  No moisturiser can  save what I saw.  There were few darks spots on my hand.  I am scared.  I used  to look youthful until last year.  Now it seems aging started very fast.  Did i use the wrong  skin care products or having exposed under the sun for too long?  I hated aging.  I am not ready emotionally.  I wanted to look young and be accepted.  Heard too many old men being rejected everywhere and in every part of our society. Our society is not ready and unprepared for old age.   I don't want to be part of that group of old men.  I am depressed to think that my life is over and nothing can reverse my youth. We are all depreciating asset like our Hdb.

Good la.  Can get to sit in the public transports which is 24/7 crowded in spore today.

[Garyl]

3 hours ago, Guest Aging said:

A couple strand of grey hair on my xxxxxse my youth. We are all depreciating asset like our Hdb.

You are too free and has no purpose  in life..

Try to have at least a goal like being a top ot btm for another 1000 times..

[Guest Fatty]

3 hours ago, Guest Aging said:

A couple strand of grey hair on my brow is noticeable.  My neck showed turtleish wrinkles  when I swallowed food otherwise it is smooth.  No moisturiser can  save what I saw.  There were few darks spots on my hand.  I am scared.  I used  to look youthful until last year.  Now it seems aging started very fast.  Did i use the wrong  skin care products or having exposed under the sun for too long?  I hated aging.  I am not ready emotionally.  I wanted to look young and be accepted.  Heard too many old men being rejected everywhere and in every part of our society. Our society is not ready and unprepared for old age.   I don't want to be part of that group of old men.  I am depressed to think that my life is over and nothing can reverse my youth. We are all depreciating asset like our Hdb.

Hello Uncle, have you bought your walking stick?

[Guest Guest]

3 hours ago, Guest Aging said:

A couple strand of grey hair on my brow is noticeable.  My neck showed turtleish wrinkles  when I swallowed food otherwise it is smooth.  No moisturiser can  save what I saw.  There were few darks spots on my hand.  I am scared.  I used  to look youthful until last year.  Now it seems aging started very fast.  Did i use the wrong  skin care products or having exposed under the sun for too long?  I hated aging.  I am not ready emotionally.  I wanted to look young and be accepted.  Heard too many old men being rejected everywhere and in every part of our society. Our society is not ready and unprepared for old age.   I don't want to be part of that group of old men.  I am depressed to think that my life is over and nothing can reverse my youth. We are all depreciating asset like our Hdb.

 

Go for plastic surgery like the human Ken Doll.

 

[lonelyglobe]

3 hours ago, Innocentguy said:

Good la.  Can get to sit in the public transports which is 24/7 crowded in spore today.

Also can enjoy special bus fares, ntuc discounts, cheaper admission to cinema and places of attraction + whatever priority queue offered

[lonelyglobe]

5 hours ago, Guest Aging said:

A couple strand of grey hair on my brow is noticeable.  My neck showed turtleish wrinkles  when I swallowed food otherwise it is smooth.  No moisturiser can  save what I saw.  There were few darks spots on my hand.  I am scared.  I used  to look youthful until last year.  Now it seems aging started very fast.  Did i use the wrong  skin care products or having exposed under the sun for too long?  I hated aging.  I am not ready emotionally.  I wanted to look young and be accepted.  Heard too many old men being rejected everywhere and in every part of our society. Our society is not ready and unprepared for old age.   I don't want to be part of that group of old men.  I am depressed to think that my life is over and nothing can reverse my youth. We are all depreciating asset like our Hdb.

Beside skincare,  also important is healthy diet,  sufficient water, sleep and exercise so at least to keep your body in shape and in demand....very soon another 10 years, every 5 sporean there will be one aged 60 and above.

 

Unfortunately no one can defy the order of nature,  everyone go through that stage just like the 4 seasons, enjoy the best of each season. 

[Guest Observatory]

Skinny people tend to look much aged than fat people.   I noticed Fat people have plenty of "collagen" (Fat meat) in them that help to smooth out the wrinkles and laugh lines to give them that baby face look.  Imagine a balloon being blown up, it looks much smoother on the surface than a deflated ballon, something like that example.   I also noticed gym people tend to have more veiny skin, which may amplify their aged look because the skin has been over-stretched like a gewing gum...like tree trunk - the bark texture look.

[Guest guest]

If you think too much and scare, confirmed you will not age gracefully.

[Steve5380]

8 hours ago, Guest Aging said:

A couple strand of grey hair on my brow is noticeable.  My neck showed turtleish wrinkles  when I swallowed food otherwise it is smooth.  No moisturiser can  save what I saw.  There were few darks spots on my hand.  I am scared.  I used  to look youthful until last year.  Now it seems aging started very fast.  Did i use the wrong  skin care products or having exposed under the sun for too long?  I hated aging.  I am not ready emotionally.  I wanted to look young and be accepted.  Heard too many old men being rejected everywhere and in every part of our society. Our society is not ready and unprepared for old age.   I don't want to be part of that group of old men.  I am depressed to think that my life is over and nothing can reverse my youth. We are all depreciating asset like our Hdb.

 

Aging brings a lot of benefits, especially in the spiritual. Hopefully we can retire and recover 100% of our time alive. We can let go of stress, of fights, of competitiveness. We can dedicate more attention to our persona, especially if we are single but also if we are in a good gay relationship. Ambitions can vanish or come down, we cultivate more social values even if we are alone. 

 

In the physical, we should have plenty of time to exercise, to do stretching, to research healthy eating habits, to sleep plenty, to do meditation.  This will keep the body from functionally deteriorating too fast.  If we have some money, we can have plastic surgery to improve our looks and keep them from deteriorating too fast.  By the time we are old, our hormones should have lowered enough that we are not so desperate for sex,  and this can lose importance in our life.  Then, we can cultivate our body and try to feel and look as young as possible, not to attract younger meat, but to feel proud and be a good example.  We will NOT feel rejected if we don't put ourselves in circumstances where we can be rejected.  Leaving aside sex and employment,  I don't find any opportunity to be rejected.  If we happen to become disabled in some way,  we will not be "rejected" but "incapacitated".  Big difference!

 

With a healthy mentality towards our aging, we will start feeling AHEAD of younger people, instead of thinking that we are falling behind them.    

.

 

[fab]

5 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

 

Go for plastic surgery like the human Ken Doll.

 

 

https://mobile.twitter.com/fauxmamaelsa/status/296086068384641024

 

[Guest Guest]

6 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

 

Go for plastic surgery like the human Ken Doll.

 

 

More like Kennot Doll.

[Guest Lao uncle]

12 hours ago, lonelyglobe said:

Beside skincare,  also important is healthy diet,  sufficient water, sleep and exercise so at least to keep your body in shape and in demand....very soon another 10 years, every 5 sporean there will be one aged 60 and above.

 

Unfortunately no one can defy the order of nature,  everyone go through that stage just like the 4 seasons, enjoy the best of each season. 

Even now, there are plenty of uncles like us. We are now the silver generation majority from the baby boomers. In consumer market and politics, majority have the power. That's why they have Pioneer and Merdeka benefits because the politicians want to court our votes.

 

In gay market we are also the majority and we can play amongst ourselves like in Japan. They even have gay cinemas that are specially for old men.

 

But then the problem is that some uncles still refuse to acknowledge that they are old. They over dress, they only want to play with younger men and they themselves despise old men. They harass and molest younger men and gave us all a bad name of 咸濕佬。

 

For those of us who accept aging, we are not lowering our standards by playing in our own age group. That's why you see Shogun is still crowded on weekends and surviving well despite having higher rent than Cruise Club. Cruise Club thought that the young will draw in the old to pay ridiculous higher price. They think that we are desperate old men so we showed them who's the boss. Instead, we stay at Shogun and younger men come to find us. You can't discriminate the majority because we have the power to be the boss from our voting majority. We vote with our money not to patronize Cruise Club, money talks.

[Guest TIGHT]

Some people can afford their regular botox or fillers to...TIGHTEN their face.  But still, people want to know the age, not the look. 

[Steve5380]

24 minutes ago, Guest TIGHT said:

Some people can afford their regular botox or fillers to...TIGHTEN their face.  But still, people want to know the age, not the look. 

 

People want to know the age, not the look... of canned food.

 

Usually the age is inferred from the look.  People don't ask you point blank how old you are.  But if you are much older than your look,  it's fun to tell the age, just to hear "oh... you cannot be" 

 

[Guest True Meaning]

2 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

People want to know the age, not the look... of canned food.

 

Usually the age is inferred from the look.  People don't ask you point blank how old you are.  But if you are much older than your look,  it's fun to tell the age, just to hear "oh... you cannot be" 

 

TS meant that if you are older, both in look and age, then game over!

[Steve5380]

16 minutes ago, Guest True Meaning said:

TS meant that if you are older, both in look and age, then game over!

 

WHAT game is over ???

 

The TS obviously has not arrived yet at the state he defines as "old".   That's why he has anxiety to getting there.  One cannot trust his opinion about being old because he has never been old. He may see old people who hare unhappy and suffering,  but we all see young people who are also unhappy and suffering.

 

Our game "is over" when we die.  And this is not an exclusivity of old age.  People of all ages die.

 

Don't trust the TS's anxiety and his opinions about old age.  He is wrong in relaying on pure generalizations. 

.

 

Edited December 28, 2019 by Steve5380

[Guest Guest]

15 minutes ago, Steve5380 said:

 

WHAT game is over ???

 

The TS obviously has not arrived yet at the state he defines as "old".   That's why he has anxiety to getting there.  One cannot trust his opinion about being old because he has never been old. He may see old people who hare unhappy and suffering,  but we all see young people who are also unhappy and suffering.

 

Our game "is over" when we die.  And this is not an exclusivity of old age.  People of all ages die.

 

Don't trust the TS's anxiety and his opinions about old age.  He is wrong in relaying on pure generalizations. 

.

 

 

[Guest 小熊叔]

1 hour ago, Guest True Meaning said:

TS meant that if you are older, both in look and age, then game over!

Sigh. Even though I'm still well maintained and have no problem getting hookups, at times I'm feeling the same anxiety.

 

We just don't want to think about it as long as we can, then one day another old man molested me and told me I'm not young myself. Compared to him, I'm still considered younger but compared to others, I'm old. 

 

Should I reject him? I'm so undecided and just let him have his fun? At my age now, I'm much more easy going. Call me cheap or call me lowering standard, I don't mind letting him have his fun. I don't know what this feeling is called? Charity sex? Or not charity sex since I'm old myself then compassionate sex? To be honest, if he didn't molest me, I wouldn't even consider him at all. Or I'm just vain thinking me older still have market value with older men?

It looked very alien to myself seeing myself being played with and sucked by an old man. The realization that this is me, I'm old too is anxiety. 

 

Then I realized my behavior had already slowly being changing for some time and this old man telling me I'm old while sucking me is when the truth hits home.

 

I'm flex but more top and seldom get fucked unless that guy I wanted is my sky vegetable. The other day when someone touched me and without hesitation, I let him fuck me because I took too long to get hard. This performance anxiety became more frequent. I tried very hard and almost sweat trying to get it up. The foreplay to get me hard took too long and he's the one with the raging hardon instead. He took the lead, laid me down, parted my legs and penetrated me. The worst part was he telling me to relax, it's okay.  I relaxed and began to feel relieved letting him have me instead. That feeling of relief started telling me it's OK to be bottom where previously I'm very uncomfortable and proud to allow.

 

Things that I don't normally slowly become okay. Like at the tv room, one uncle was openly molesting another uncle then he also turned to me and I too let him open my towel and play with my balls and cock with others watching. Now I'm just another uncle. I went to shower to clean off his saliva and another guy followed me there. He discreetly brushed my butts. I knew his message, I went to the big bed with big mirror and without hesitation, he grabbed me and pushed me down, put on condom and fucked me openly. I released myself openly about sex this once and didn't try it again. 

But once I'm open about sex, I become more open for other actions. The insecurity and anxiety inside me makes me wonder if I should do it before it's too late.

 

[Guest MRT toilet cleaner]

2 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

One cannot trust his opinion about being old because he has never been old.

Don't trust the TS's anxiety and his opinions about old age.  He is wrong in relaying on pure generalizations. 

.

 

Go visit Clementi MRT toilet and the anxiety of TS is not unfounded.