[Walter's thoughts] Those days on Jackd and Grindr - Part 1: The Hookups that you've probably met

[Walter]

[Walter's thoughts] Those days on Jackd and Grindr - Part 1: The hookups that you've probably met

 

Hi guys, just gonna talk about dating apps for my third article since dating apps are now a rather crucial part of our modern gay lives. Even though it existed way back in 2009, I didn't use it until 2013 when I entered University since I was a closeted gay then. I was 22 then, but I wasn't really keen in having a love life. But a kiasu part inside of me thought, "Well you are at your peak! What are you going to do with your youth if u don't get yourself laid. WHAT IF U REMAIN SINGLE FOREVER. You better be dating now you lazy arse"

 

Apps weren't the first thing I chose. There was Trevvy chat and Romeo then so I thought it was enough for me, but I could tell that they are slowly dying as well with the rise of apps. I prefer face to face interaction so I started dropping by gay clubs and bars. Everyone my age seems to be in a clique, and it felt weird going alone. I wasn't a drinker too so it never felt like quite a right place to meet the one. (Though ironically, I did meet my one eventually at a club) But I was too shy to make a move, and no one ever hit on me.

 

Why did no one hit on me? Maybe because I was dancing like this

 

And life got busier with school work and what not, and I got reallly curious about using the app since it's supposed to make things easier. 

 

It was exciting when I installed them. I think my intro was like 3 paragraphs long, and it sounded like unicorns and rainbows descended along with me.

I dated so much, it's as if I was making up for lost time. I was dating multiple guys within a week, sometimes even more than 1 guy within the same day itself. (My poor wallet. Poor poor wallet)

 

My dating observations can be found here:  

 

Dates after dates for 2 years landed me nothing much other than several 3-months long relationship. It was getting boring for me, I didn't think I was getting jaded, but  I could put my time better elsewhere. However, I realized I need to learn how to pleasure a man so I don't disappoint the one in the future HAHAHA With that in mind, I removed the "not looking for sex" in my profile and started having hookups with guys.

 

Without the raunchy details, here are some of the guys I have met:

 

1. The overly complicated instructions guy

"Ok, go wait at the bench right beside lift A"

"Ok I see you now. Now move to the block next to it"

"And then go to lift B"

"Then take the stairs to the right. Don't get seen!"

"Ok I go and pick you."

"Wait wait wait. My neighbour is outside"

"Ok he went in to take some things, go in NOW NOW NOW NOW"

 

Me "WHY YOU SO PARANOID CANT I JUST BE A FRIEND VISITING YOUR PLACE"

Some guys have very complicated instructions to get to their house. Guess they had traumatic experiences that made them so wary, but better to be safe than sorry since it's strangers who they are inviting. But it's hilarious when I had to sneak in when it honestly wasn't that big of a deal. It's making us more suspicious than we should be. 

 

 

 

2. The speechless guy

"......"

"............"

"...................."

"Ah... cumming"

 

And then he stands up and opens the door

"Ah could I use the washro..."

 

 

 

3. The guy going through a rough patch

Me - 'So what do you want to do today!'

"...THAT'S WHAT MY BOYFRIEND WOULD SAY. I MISS HIM SO MUCH BWAHH"

Me - "Oh.. maybe we should call it off? You need a listening ear or something?"

 

Loneliness makes people do the darnest things. 

 

 

4. The thrill seeker

"Oh, can we do it in toilet? in park? in carpark? in car? at staircases?"

Me "errr.... but you have place"

 

"Ok fine, let's do it in my living room so maybe someone can see us in the act."

Me "Deal."

 

I still prefer things behind a closed door. (Not a toilet door) But I have to say that one time was pretty hot. 

 

 

5. The book that can't be judged by its cover

"Oh.. I don't know leh. i seldom have fun. I know nothing much about sex"

Me "Oh soo adorable you are so innocent"

 

Later in bedroom:

"COME LET'S GET FUCKING WILD AND STARTED"

Me "WOW nono not there I THOUGHT U SAID YOU AREN'T GOOD AT THIS"

 

I had tons of hickeys that one time. 

 

 

6. The Catfish/Someone who used their photo 3 years ago

"Excuse me Sir this is fraud" 

I am not sure how they are so confident that the guys they meet will proceed with them even if they look nothing like their photos.

 

Know that your credibility decrease instantly to zero once you are being dishonest.

 

7. The chill guys

When I was new to the app, I literally thought chill means chilling out. Which was very tempting to me, you know, just to chill on the bed and chat or something. Sex acts can get boring ya know.

This guy was so delighted that i said "YEP LET'S CHILL", and moreover he's hot. So I found myself on his bed soon after.

 

And then he whipped out his...

 

"SO BIG. What's this weird thing that you are smoking from?"

 

"What? This is ice? Do you want some?"

"Er.... NOPE"

"You mean you don't know what chill means?"

"Of.. OF COURSE I DO (I dont but I didn't want to look stupid) I JUST DIDN'T KNOW THAT IT'S ICE THAT YOU ARE DOING. IM OUTTA HERE"

 

And so I know not to go close any ICE/CHILL guys on app. Don't dabble in drugs guys. 

 

8. The perfect lover hookup that becomes a sex buddy

Satisfying hookup where the sex is perfect. Foreplay is great, kissing is great, hugs are great, passionate lovemaking. You two just melt into one another and everything else disappears for a moment.

It's easy to fall for a hookup like that, although one would learn that outside of sex life, you could not be compatible at all. It's best to leave it just at sex. 

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

"Wow you seemed like you slept with people a lot Walter"

I won't deny saying that I didn't. It's a questionable lifestyle for some, but it was a fun experimental phase. Just remember to stay safe and responsible people and always always use protection. Get yourself checked regularly too!

 

 I no longer do any hookups now or use the apps very often. Looking back, it wasn't healthy emotionally to use the app so much. I met so many guys, and it is sad that everyone perhaps started off wanting to fall in love. But along the way, almost all ended up having instant gratification through hookups because it's the most convenient thing to have without breaking your heart. But while it didn't break our heart, I didn't think it helped our heart in any ways either. Sure, you can feel desirable and wanted when many people say they want to sleep with you. But at the end of day, it's not like they want to be with you emotionally. Everyone just become someone else's tool.

 

Grindr actually ranked as the #1 app where users report the highest dissatisfaction. People (including myself in the past) have deleted and reinstalled Grindr again and again in a vicious cycle. People are mean in the app, some people just troll other people, but it is something we go back to whenever we experience loneliness. No matter how jaded you are, it's as if you are waiting for a hopeful connection to happen.

 

While it's fun to have hookups, I think the most important person to love first is yourself, stop putting our expectations on others.

 

Peace out~

 

 

 

 

Edited January 2, 2019 by Walter

[azimuth]

Great write up! Thanks for the contribution.

[Lad2]

Wow, This is a very truthful and honest reflection. The last part is so true, all of us wanted to have connections, but we ended up having instant gratifications instead because it's convenient without breaking our heart. But it didn't help our heart. 

[Crispy96]

I like that your writing style is similar to those online magazine yet your thoughts are much deeper than just commentaries. Looking forward to new posts!

[Walter]

  On 12/31/2018 at 5:00 AM, azimuth said:

Great write up! Thanks for the contribution.

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Thanks (:

 

  On 12/31/2018 at 7:38 AM, Lad2 said:

Wow, This is a very truthful and honest reflection. The last part is so true, all of us wanted to have connections, but we ended up having instant gratifications instead because it's convenient without breaking our heart. But it didn't help our heart. 

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Yea, I felt that for a long while I remained status quo. The experimental phase also gave me an opportunity to know a lot of other people in the circle and their stories so I learnt a lot too.

 

  On 12/31/2018 at 2:39 PM, Crispy96 said:

I like that your writing style is similar to those online magazine yet your thoughts are much deeper than just commentaries. Looking forward to new posts!

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Thanks, still figuring out my writing style haha. Will do so when I have the time!!

[Guest Nah]

Hate the overuse of gifs would've been better without them.

[Lad2]

Is there part 2?

[kingbitch]

Will you write about your 3 month relationships? I'm more curious about those!

[kingbitch]

Will you write about your 3 month relationships? I'm more curious about those!

[Guest yes]

  On 1/1/2019 at 1:29 AM, Guest Nah said:

Hate the overuse of gifs would've been better without them.

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not at all. i thought it's just nice.

[Walter]

  On 1/1/2019 at 1:29 AM, Guest Nah said:

Hate the overuse of gifs would've been better without them.

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  On 1/1/2019 at 4:09 PM, Guest yes said:

 

not at all. i thought it's just nice.

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Thanks for the feedback. It is a little tricky balancing the tones if I have to use GIF but personally I like some visuals. Still testing out and I will see how I can balance things out next time (:

 

  On 1/1/2019 at 9:46 AM, Lad2 said:

Is there part 2?

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Yes yes, but I will post weekly/biweekly so it will be a while. I initially have a part on faceless profiles, but I guess people won't really be interested in that. Still finalising what to write for the next part. 

 

  On 1/1/2019 at 2:42 PM, kingbitch said:

Will you write about your 3 month relationships? I'm more curious about those!

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Could be a little more difficult to write without exposing too much details about my dates. (Then it would be boring without all the gossipy bits haha) My relationships aren't very dramatic or happening. But each 3 months relationship made me learnt something that led me to decide what I want my current relationship, so all is good. Could be something I explore in the future!

[Guest Guest_]

Fun read!